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The fire illuminates his figure.
He’s leaning over it- standing far, far away, as he pokes at the fireplace with tools whose names just so happen to slip your mind. By his careful hand and his calculated gaze, the fire roars and roars to life. It grows in size. It grows in color. In warmth. Revealing more and more of him to your tired eyes as they threaten to close with each and every second that passes you both by. But you’re determined to not fall asleep. At least, not yet.
Your spot on the couch is comfortable. You’re laying across the whole thing, pressed into the backside with a blanket cuddled around your figure. It’s soft and fuzzy and keeps you all types of warm and toasty on this cold, winter night. But you know what would make it better. You know what would make you warmer. More comfortable. Sleepier, even. But loved, all the same. And it all has to do with the man sitting in front of the fire, taking great care of it for you and for him.
It all has to do with being in his arms once again.
He’s only a couple of feet away. Close enough to watch his eyes narrow when things don’t go his way. Close enough to watch his eyes soften when conditions start to improve. Close enough for your own eyes to trace the delicate curves of his face. The outline and shine of his hair in the orange-tinted light right down to the curvature of his nose and the shape of his chin. Close enough that if you got up from your blankets and your couch, you could reach him within steps. Within seconds. Within moments. But to you, that’s still way too far.
You want to be able to reach him. To be able to hold him tight in this exact moment, fire be damned. It’s hard to stay patient when you know you could get something so, so good now even if something even better is on the horizon. The fire would be nice if it could reach you with the same intensity that you know is reaching him. But to feel his arms around you would give you the gratification you’ve been hoping for all the more quickly. But it’s just so hard.
It’s hard to stay patient when the person you love most of all is so close yet feels so far away. Just watching him work and work and work as if he doesn’t already do so much for you. To others, it may be nothing but a short reach away but your mind can’t help its desires in this moment. Your mind can’t help but want him now, and your mind can’t help but want him forever. To be able to relax and to breathe and to sleep with his arms around your body and his face tucked into your side. But it’s just so hard.
And it’s hard to be patient when you’re able to see such a powerful, powerful person exist in such a natural state- a state that is present for your eyes and your eyes alone to take in and to enjoy. No emblems decorating his uniform. No hard, expensive metals and armor. No complicated tying of robes and ropes and other parts of his attire that just keep slipping, slipping, and slipping through your foggy mind. None of that. Just the man you fell in love with. Just the man you are in love with.
But it’s too hard. Your head is growing cloudy with nothing but the thought of curling up and dozing off on your mind. Even when you try to fight it, your eyes always close for a second too long. For a second longer than that. For a second even longer than that. And suddenly, your eyelids feel like lead. Growing far too heavy for you to keep open. Far too easy for you to keep shut. So you do the best you can to make yourself promise to stay awake. Long enough to watch him slip back under the blankets with you so you could cuddle up to him, good and proper.
You don’t even finish coming up with the terms of your own promise in your mind before the view of him tending the fire disappears behind a curtain of black.
Outside of yourself, your breathing steadies, and your body stills. You’re asleep. The very thing you tried to fight off for the sake of spending a few rare moments with someone you rarely get to enjoy company with. Someone whose company you adore most of all. But the mood is too peaceful. The room is too silent. The fire, the blanket, your body, and your thoughts? They’re far too warm. And even if your sleep is light- even if you swear that you are at least somewhat aware of the fact that you’re sleeping- you couldn’t help but wish that he was here sooner. That you weren’t curling into yourself. That you were curling into him instead.
But luckily for you, he didn’t make you wait too long for your wish to be granted.
A gentle shake of the shoulder rouses you from your quick slumber, but it does very little to knock away the sleep that threatens to take you once more. When your eyes peak open, you’re met with a soft expression, highlighted by the dancing flames that peak and poke out from behind the body that stands in front of you. You try to say something. You try to say anything . But all you can manage is a slurred murmur that you had hoped sounded like it was a greeting. The uncharacteristically kind laugh he gives you- a laugh he saves for just for your ears- tells you otherwise.
But then his laughter grows quiet as he leans down, bringing his face closer and closer to where you lay. Your head works too slowly for you to understand every single little thing in this moment. Especially now that he’s so close you swear you can smell and feel and hear the fire upon him. But you find yourself smiling dumbly as a whispered apology for taking so long is delivered right to your ear with a kiss on the forehead to wrap it all up. The show of such pleasant affection. The show of such loving care. It has you falling victim to the warmth that surrounds you once more. Falling, falling, falling like you haven’t fallen before.
But this time, you don’t mind it at all. You don’t mind it one bit.
Because this time, as the world around you disappears behind those black curtains once more, you find that there is no reason left in you to fight it. No reason left in you to try to be strong against it. Because the arms wrapped around have done enough of the fighting for the both of you. Because the head tucked in your side has done enough to be strong for the both of you.
Because the man who lays beside you in this very moment was all you wanted instead.