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Derek knows he’s been driving his family crazy. He has been restless in a way he’s never felt before and it’s only been getting worse and worse. It’s not the full moon, he’s never felt like this because of the full moon.
No, it feels like anticipation in the worst way.
He’s waiting for the other shoe to drop, but he doesn’t know where the shoe is coming from, whose shoe it is, or even if it is a shoe. It could be anything and it would just drop right out of the sky. He knows nothing about the shoe but … he’s got his (worries) suspicions.
He knows that something has been wrong with Stiles. Not like with the Nogitstune, it doesn’t feel nearly as dark as that, just … he always smells so alone and so angry. Derek is aware that the Sheriff has been working a lot and Scott … well Scott has never been Derek’s favorite but he has been particularly unbearable since Allison’s death. He’s turned from an irritating puppy to a wild caged animal. Derek understands grief, he knows how death can change the people it leaves behind. Scott deserves to grieve but you don’t see Chris taking his grief out on anyone else, even if Allison was his daughter.
Derek’s heard from his other betas how Scott has been treating Stiles. Evidently, Scott has been taking cues from Lydia in arrogance and overcompensation and Lydia has been learning from Scott about whom she can take her anger out on and Derek hates it. The whole Pack has been accustomed to Lydia’s attitude and tendency to lash out but that, in combination with Scott’s righteous morals and inability to see in gray tones, has been difficult for everyone and Derek knows that Stiles has been taking the brunt of the backlash. He feels responsible for how long the issue has been going on but he can’t just kick Scott out of the Pack. As much as he wants to make the problem go away, Peter is right. He needs Scott on a tight leash, keep your enemies close, and all that.
Derek wants more than anything to fix everything for Stiles, to settle his restless wolf, he just needs Stiles to talk to him. He wasn’t planning on cornering Stiles after the meeting, asking the human to hang back was impulsive at best but he just couldn’t stop himself. His wolf wants Stiles around him, in his (their) den, he needs to make sure Stiles is okay. Any plan Derek may have come up with was completely derailed by Lydia. His brain is scattered and his wolf is furious at his betas for being so disobedient and hateful towards his — towards Stiles. Derek fights to rein the wolf back in, he cannot afford to let his thoughts go down that path. Stiles doesn’t deserve that.
The wolf in his head whines and Derek almost echos the noise at the chemosignals filling the room. The scent of heartbreak and loneliness is horrible combined with Stiles’s normal sweet cinnamon scent, turning it bitter and rotten as it stings Derek’s nose. He finds himself taking a couple of steps forward and bringing his arms up to … Derek doesn’t know what he wants to do, he just knows he needs Stiles to stop smelling so alone.
“Are you okay?” Stiles looks startled at the question, like earlier during the meeting, as if he forgot where he was and Derek’s voice brought him back, anchored him.
“Yeah, yeah, I’m all good. Look, I won’t make this hard for you okay? I’ll just leave and you won’t see me again, you won’t have to talk about it,” Derek’s blood runs cold at the words. He doesn’t understand, what is Stiles talking about? He doesn’t hear the remark that Peter makes, barely registering his voice in the background.
“What? Stiles no,” he doesn’t even know what he’s denying. Stiles’s words maybe? Stiles wanting to leave and never see Derek again? He steps towards the boy in hopes that maybe it will help him understand, he just needs to be closer.
“Derek I really don’t want to have to talk about this, can — ” no, no, no. Derek’s wolf doesn’t like this. Derek doesn’t like this.
“Well, nephew, I am going to leave this up to you. I have business to take care of,” Peter’s words register this time, and Derek’s thoughts come to a grinding halt as he stares at his uncle.
“Peter no, don’t. It’s midnight, what business do you have right now?” Where is he going, and why is he leaving? No, he can’t do this alone, he can’t be alone with Stiles. He doesn’t trust himself.
“It really is none of your business and it seems you need some privacy for this conversation, so I’ll be going now,” that was a deflection if Derek’s ever heard one and he is very well-versed in escaping situations he doesn’t want to be in. Peter leaves Derek and Stiles, and the silence is worse without his uncle. Oh god, he never should have opened his mouth.
The smell of pain cuts through Derek’s panic. Is Stiles hurt, has he been hurt this whole time?
“Stiles, are you okay? You’re hurt, I can smell — ” Derek can’t help it, he closes the space left between the two, and … he doesn’t know what to do. He can’t bring himself to touch Stiles, what if he is hurt and Derek just makes it worse?
“Yeah, no, no I’m okay, I’m just gonna leave. I know when I’m not needed or wanted really, so I’m gonna leave and you won’t have to deal with me anymore,” He can’t stand the idea of Stiles leaving now when he smells like he’s in so much pain. His wolf doesn’t like it either, he can feel it pushing to the surface. Derek feels like he has some level of control over the beast until he and Stiles lock eyes and his wolf flares again. He knows his eyes are probably red right now but Stiles doesn’t look away, doesn’t flinch.
“Are you — you’re not hurt?” Derek can smell the sharp pain coming from Stiles but he can’t see it and Stiles is not acknowledging that he is in pain. That question seems like the wrong one to ask when Stiles flinches.
“Of course I’m hurt, but there’s nothing you can do about it. If the Pack wants me gone it’s not your fault, you’re just the messenger,” Oh…oh god, Derek furrows his brow. He’s an idiot. He can’t help but soften at Stiles’s words, realizing where all the hurt and pain are coming from.
“I’m not going to kick you out of the Pack,” His wolf is restless so he gives in just the slightest bit, now that he knows the boy isn’t physically hurt, and settles his hand on the side of Stiles’s neck. “I wasn’t lying when I told Lydia that and I’m not lying to you now. You are important to this Pack, Stiles, and you … you’re important to me and it’s important that you know that.”
“What…what do you mean — but … what did you want to talk to me about?” It’s like seeing all the oxygen get pulled right out of Stiles’s lungs, his chest is heaving and he looks surprised and confused. Derek watches as Stiles steps back and the scent of embarrassment flares up. Embarrassment is not much better than pain and loneliness, he wants to fix this but Derek has never been good with words.
“I wanted … to check — on you, see how you’ve been doing. You’ve been … off lately and well … Scott hasn’t been great and I wanted to … check in,” Derek hates how the words come out, hates how he can’t speak, can’t tell Stiles how he feels. He’s definitely not saying the right things here.
“I’m fine Derek, you don’t have to check on me,” Stiles’s words come out harsh as his heartbeat stutters. Derek resists flinching as Stiles steps back further, the scent of embarrassment from Stiles is gone and pain is back in full force.
“Stiles, you know I can hear when you lie. I’m your alpha, even if you’re human. I’m your alpha and I’m supposed to support you. I haven’t been doing a great job at being there for you lately but I am here for you now — for the whole pack, it’s my … job,” Derek tacks the last part on awkwardly. He feels like he’s losing control, this conversation is slipping through his fingers and he can’t catch it any more than he can untie his tongue.
“Yeah… you’re a good alpha Derek, thanks,” those words coming from Stiles feel so much better than they ever should. “Um, yeah things have been weird with Scott since Allison … plus Theo coming back into town. It’s just been … yeah Scott’s been off but he’s going through a lot,” Derek doesn’t like that at all.
“Stiles, you’re going through a lot.”
“Derek it’s not the same — ”
“Bullshit, Stiles, it is the same thing,” Derek can’t help himself, he hates how Stiles talks about himself, how Scott treats him. “You are important and Scott doesn’t deserve your loyalty. He should realize how amazing you are before he loses you. You are too important to this Pack to lose, I won’t let Scott ruin you.” That was definitely the wrong this to say.
“Ruin? Derek, it’s the 21st century, nobody is ruining me,” Stiles snaps. Derek can practically see the boy building up walls to keep him out. The sharp sting of pain in Stiles’s scent is overcome by hot anger and Derek watches as his eyes narrow.
“That’s not what I meant,” He doesn’t want Stiles to close himself off from him, he can’t lose him. He’s trying to backtrack fast.
“No, Derek what did you mean?” He’s put himself into a situation he can’t back out of now. Stiles is getting defensive and Derek can see him ramping up, ready to lash out, hard and deep.
“You’re not okay, Stiles. You need help,” Derek can’t keep his mouth shut, for once. He’s digging himself so far into this hole and can’t even see out anymore. He needs to stop talking before he hurts Stiles more.
“Really Derek? Is that what you needed to tell me? News flash, Derek, but we all need help. I’m not special,” Derek knows that Stiles intends for those words to be cutting and the beginning of something darker as he walks towards the alpha, but he doesn’t continue. He seems as surprised as Derek is at how sad those words sound, especially because Derek knows that Stiles is special.
The room is silent except for the sound of Stiles’s breathing. They’re staring at each other again and Derek can’t feel his wolf anymore, it is more settled than it has been in weeks. His restlessness is gone and it feels like Derek has learned a lot more about the shoe. The longer they stare at each other the more Derek thinks Stiles knows him too well, he can see too much in Derek’s eyes and the alpha can’t help himself as he reaches out to touch the face in front of him. He wants to thumb at the boy’s raw lip but narrowly avoids doing so, instead grazing Stiles’s jaw with his knuckle and reaching to hold his head. He needs to touch and he needs Stiles to know he won’t hurt him.
That smell is back and Derek hates it.
“Stiles,” Derek’s voice cracks, and suddenly the perfect shelter they had been encased in is gone. He can feel Stiles’s panic start to build. Before Derek can do anything, Stiles is gone, running out of the loft and down to his jeep, ignoring Derek’s yelling after him.
Derek’s wolf is restless again, hating the distance as Stiles’s jeep flies down the street away from the loft, from Derek. He knows he could have chased after Stiles, could have caught up with him before he got to the jeep and drove away. Even now, Derek could run to the Stilinski house. But something feels wrong in chasing the boy down. He’s just a boy, after all, not even 18 yet and Derek wants to go chase him down and break into his house. Where his Sheriff dad lives. Something is wrong with him.
“Derek, oh my god,” it’s proof of how deep in thought he was that Cora and Malia sneak up on him. His sister's words have him turning and snarling in start, how did he forget they were still home?
“Fuck, I forgot you guys were here, what did you hear?”
“Ha! We heard everything, you two were not quiet,” Malia interrupts Cora’s weak attempt at sparing Derek’s feelings. He wants to be mad, why did they stay the whole time? Why did they listen? Why didn’t they leave or something? But Derek finds that he can’t muster the energy to get angry, all he can do is sigh. He knows that was not the reaction the girls expected by their quick side-eyes.
“What are you gonna do about Scott?” Cora asks none too gently. Leave it to his little sister to ask the questions he doesn’t want to answer.
“I don’t know yet,” Derek grunts.
“I still don’t understand why we can’t just kick him out or kill him,” Malia’s words feel like the little devil on his shoulder. She’s always there, reading his darker thoughts and voicing them like they’re a good idea.
“Because it’s not just Scott, it’s Lydia and Theo too … and Stiles is still loyal to him, he doesn’t want Scott gone — yet,” Derek should not have brought Stiles back up. His sister sinks her abnormally sharp teeth into that little piece of information.
“Stiles doesn’t want you to, huh?”
“Cora —”
“Sorry Alpha, I didn’t know you were taking orders from a human,” Malia’s eyebrows pinch at Cora’s harsh words. They’re mean in a way that he knows she’s trying to get a reaction out of him and despite knowing, it still works. Derek’s wolf does not like how his sister is talking about his m — about Stiles. He snarls and bares his teeth, he’s aware of his fangs protruding and how his eyes have gone alpha-red. Cora flinches back then straightens her shoulders and looks Derek in the eyes.
“I can’t believe you. If this is your reaction to me talking about Stiles why are you still letting this go on? Why are Scott and Lydia still allowed to act like this? Why didn’t you say anything to him?” Derek … he doesn’t have an answer for that. Well he does, he knows what Cora is trying to get at but he can’t — Stiles doesn’t deserve that. Derek doesn’t deserve Stiles, he can’t have him.
God, he’s a mess.
“Cora, this is the most stable the Hale Pack has been in years. Kicking Scott out — it would just be the start. If we kick him out we get rid of Lydia, then Theo, maybe Liam — it’s too much, the Pack can’t take it.” It’s not a lie, not enough of one that Cora could tell by his heartbeat but it’s not the truth either. Derek knows this and he can tell his sister and cousin don’t appreciate his answer. Cora lets out a growl of frustration and Malia snorts.
“Derek you’re too obvious,” he will never get used to Malia’s bluntness. “We all know Stiles is your mate, being around you two is like watching a married couple fight.”
“Really Malia, what would you know about married couples?”
“Really Cora, what would you know about anything?” Malia’s mocking impression of Cora grates on his ears. Derek is not surprised at how quickly the girls turned on each other and started bickering, it’s hot and cold with the two of them.
“Stop, you’re giving me a headache. I am going to bed, we are not going to bed talking about this anymore.” It’s not even possible for Derek to get a headache but he knows he’s fucking exhausted and this stupid conversation is not helping him get to bed any faster.
“But Derek, Stiles —,” Cora’s mention of Stiles again makes him boil over.
“No. No Cora, Stiles is not my mate. He’s just an annoying kid in my pack, I don’t care, okay? Go. To. Bed.” Derek can practically feel his heart stutter and he wonders if Cora or Malia can hear his wolf howl in frustration. He watches as his cousin and sister listen to their alpha’s order for the first time in their lives and slowly, reluctantly head back up the stairs. He knows they are going to talk about him and his trauma, his … he needs to go to bed. So he does.
If Derek ends up snatching the red jacket that smells like cinnamon and pain and wrapping it around his pillow while he sleeps that night, well that’s nobody’s business, especially not his family’s.
His restless wolf wakes him up early the next morning, it’s getting worse. It’s all he can do to crawl out of bed and get coffee and breakfast started. His family are terrors in the morning and food and caffeine are the only things that keep them at bay. Cora and Malia come down long after the sun has risen and the coffee has gone cold. He stares at the two of them as they devour their breakfast and he realizes something. Peter never came home last night.
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