Chapter Text
“Did you see Barbara last night?”
Gavin smiled at Dan. Of course he had, Barbara was the center of attention last night. But even if she hadn’t been, she would have been for Dan. There never had been another girl in Dan’s life. Not like Barbara. It was always about her, the beautiful blonde was the love of his life. Not his first love, though.
“Did you speak to her?”
Dan was quiet for a moment, then laughed. “Yeah, but she seemed not that impressed with me.”
“So still no luck.” Gavin looked behind his shoulder. He wanted to look at Dan while he’d said that, but the only thing he got to see was Dan’s familiar back.
They sat behind each other, back to back, in their small wooden rowboat. They were not far off the shore, but far enough to only hear the sound of the sea. The usually loud market and other human sounds were muted here. Here they were, sat alone together on a quiet and peaceful sea, the sun reflecting in the water.
People said these waters are endless. The sea would take your life before you’d find strange land. Gavin wondered if these rumours were true. He often dreamed of sailing the sea alone, going from blue skies to storms and back, discovering new landscapes and escape. He didn’t like the world he lived in, so he wished for a way out.
“Are you ready for tomorrow?” Dan asked Gavin.
“Yeah, I’m not worried.”
“Of course you bloody are. The great Gavin Free, the boy who cares about nothing and no one!”
That wasn’t exactly true, and he knew Dan knew that as well. But Gavin laughed. “You aren’t worried either.”
“You sure know a lot more about my feelings than I do.”
“I’m your best friend, I know you better than my own arsehole.” He got a heartfelt laugh from Dan. Gavin could feel the laugh in his back. He smiled; he loved these moments.
~~~~~
Dan was late. Again. Gavin knew he shouldn’t feel responsibility for his friend, but he does. Probably came with the rest of his feelings towards Dan, Gavin thought sarcastically.
Dan knew about his sexuality, and he was fine with it. He didn't care at all. They were just as good friends as before he told him. Gavin was happy with this. He couldn't afford losing his best friend, but then again, he hadn’t told him about his feelings yet. He didn’t know what would happen if Dan knew that.
Gavin looked around, searching for Dan. This was not the first time he'd been late. Last year he had been punished with cleaning up the market’s aftermath. The smell was almost unbearable; the smell of sweat, rotten fish, blood… Gavin had helped Dan, but he had to be sneaky, because if he was seen, punishment awaited him too.
“And what good would that do?” Dan laughed. “I would help you, then I’d get punished again, then you’d help me…” It was true. It would have been a cycle of cleaning up things.
“Why are we doing this anyway?” Gavin asked. “Tomorrow there’s gonna be new fish, new sweat. This is useless!”
“There are a lot of things here that are useless,” Dan stopped picking up the remnants of the fish. He grew quiet. “The Hunger Games, for example.”
Gavin stopped as well. He looked around them, looking for someone who might’ve heard him. He found no one, but Gavin was still pissed. “You can’t say that! They might hear you, and-”
“And what, exactly? Look at what we’re doing. They are already handing out punishments like it’s nothing. You know it’s true.”
Dan was right. “You still need to be careful.” Gavin started cleaning up again.
He suddenly heard some commotion, so he turned to look. There was Dan, trying to get to his spot. Gavin tried to make eye-contact, but Dan didn’t see him.
He hoped Dan didn’t get chosen. Dan had potential, he was a good fisherman. His father was the captain of one of the best ships, and Dan is being raised as his successor.
Gavin didn’t want Dan’s future to be thrown away by some rich ignorant assholes from the Capitol who cared more about clothes than people. He didn’t deserve to die. Dan deserved a happy life, full of joy and contentment.
The presenter, Lio Dane, walked towards the microphone when the mayor finished his speech. He was always dressed in the colours of a tiger; even his hair was dyed orange with black stripes. Gavin didn’t know if it was because he acted like a hungry tiger, or he wanted to be seen as a powerful beast. Lio wanted success, fame, money, even though he presented for District 4. District 1 was the richest - and the best - of all, and 12 the poorest. 4 wasn’t as bad, you’d think, but it wasn’t enough for Lio.
“Hello everyone,” Lio said, rolling the r in everyone. “What a lovely day, so far,” he grinned. Gavin looked up. It was a lovely day indeed, if this was not happening. Children died because rich people wanted entertainment. And no one is doing anything about it, the world doesn’t think the Hunger Games is a horrible, dehumanizing event.
Gavin looked at the mentor for District 4: Gus Sorola. He was known for his crankiness, and he immediately knew if someone had chance to win or not. Gavin wondered what he would think about Gavin, but then he realised he didn’t want to know. He didn’t want to know Gus, he didn’t want to experience the Hunger Games. He just wanted to leave.
Lio went on with his speech. “I want you all to have a happy Hunger Games. And remember, fight for your life, before someone else does it for you." He laughed. Nobody in the audience laughed with him. Gus Sorola looked disgusted by Lio. The thing Lio said, that was his usual thing to say just before he got to the horrible part. It was his life motto.
“Ladies first,” Lio walked over to the glass bowl and grabbed a paper. He walked back to the microphone. “And the female Tribute for District 4 is…” he opened the paper and read aloud, “Barbara Dunkelman!" He was trying to grin, but it looked more like he was growling.
Gavin immediately looked at Dan. His eyes stood devastated, almost broken, but the rest of his face showed nothing. He kept his eyes on Barbara as she slowly walked over to Lio Dane. She seemed to accept her fate pretty well, but Gavin knew her too well to believe the act. He doubted Dan would believe it, too. Or anyone, for that matter.
When she got up there, Lio had to ask the question, the question they always have to ask.
“Does anyone want to Volunteer as tribute?”
There was utter silence, as always. No one, not even the family, wanted to tribute. It was very rare for someone to Volunteer. It was almost seen as an act of madness.
Gavin looked over to Dan. His eyes showed determination, now. It was enough to make Gavin worry, because he had a suspicion what Dan is going to do. If that was true, well… He wouldn’t know what he, himself, would do.
Lio was already back at the microphone, holding a small paper in his hand.
"And now, for the boys... Andrew Pierce!"
Gavin couldn’t enjoy the relief he felt when Lio said the name, because Gavin saw Dan hesitating. He was waiting for the right moment, Gavin realized.
“Does anyone want to Volunteer as tribute?”
Dan raised an arm in the air. “I Volunteer as tribute,” he shouted.
It seemed quieter than when there was no answer at all. Everyone stood staring at Dan, probably wondering why he was acting so lunatic. Dan was popular, liked all-around, and no one, except for a few, knew why he did this.
Dan was almost at the podium when Gavin realized what was happening. “No!” Gavin screamed, his voice cracking. “No, Dan!”
He couldn’t see his best friend, the guy he knew for all his life, who he grew up with and cared about so much, Volunteering as tribute and basically throwing his life away. His life full of potential and happiness.
“I Volunteer as well!”
"Ooh, what's this? I see we have two Volunteers. Well, I can't blame them, Barbara is a very beautiful girl," the presenter laughed. "Come on up, you two."
Guards dressed in white, the Peacekeepers, came to Gavin to escort him to the stage.
"What are you doing?" Dan whispered angrily to Gavin when they were within hearing distance of each other.
"I don't know.” And Gavin didn't. He absolutely didn't know what he was doing. The only thing he knew is he couldn't bare to let Dan enter the Games.
When they were both on the stage, Lio started grinning, the sharp teeth were showing. "Isn't this exciting! Two Volunteers, for the first time ever! We have to do the lottery again, only between you two. What are your names?" Just moments after they introduced themselves, a rather skinny looking man entered the stage, giving Lio a bowl with two papers. One with his name on it, the other had Dan's name. Gavin had to breathe slowly in and out. At this point it was just luck, Gavin figured. "And the male Tribute of district 4 is..." He drew a paper, and read out loud, "Gavin Free!"
Gavin felt his heart drop, although he knew this was on himself. He felt a hand on his shoulder, and he knew it was Dan's hand. He couldn't look at him, afraid of what he thought of him now, so instead, Gavin looked at the floor.
He felt another pair of hands on both of his shoulders. He looked up and saw two Peacekeepers holding him. He let them guide him, because he was not ready to struggle. Gavin saw himself walking, guided by the two Peacekeepers, from a bird’s eye view. The steps he was taking were heavy, not easy.
He was brought to a fancy room where he was instructed by another Peacekeeper. He could talk to his family and friends who came to talk for three minutes. Not any longer. He was very clear about that.
The first one to come was his granddad. He told him about that he was very proud of him, and said he loved him. Gavin's brother was next. It was almost the same conversation he had with his granddad, only Gavin asked him to take care of their old man. He figured they would have a stressful time ahead of them. Dan was the last one. The first couple of seconds consisted of complete silence and staring at each other. Then, Dan spoke.
"Why?"
There was a pause before Gavin responded with a grave, rough voice. "I think you know why."
"Yeah- yeah, actually I do. But I do not think that reason is worth Volunteering for."
"It's the same reason as you Volunteering for Barbara."
"B..."
They just looked at each other for a while. The silence wasn't awkward; it was tense. It was eventually broken by Dan, who took a deep inwards breath, and walked over to hug Gavin. They stood, hugging each other, which felt very short and like a whole life-time at the same time, until a Peacekeeper entered the room and interrupted them.
"Good luck, B," Dan said in his ear, and turned away. Dan wiped something from his face when Gavin walked away from him. He wondered if he'd been crying, but maybe that was his mind already playing tricks on itself.
"Bye, Dan.”
~~~~~
Gavin was searching for something to eat when he overheard a conversation between Barbara and Sorola.
"In the Arena, don't bother to stick around with him," Gavin heard Gus say behind the other side of the door. Gavin immediately knew it was about him. He knew that guy didn't like him, but come on. There's no reason for him to be secret about it.
"Why?" Barbara sounded confused. "He's Gavin, he's from the same District."
Gavin wanted to open the door, but he didn't like confrontations. He didn't really like arguing. He'd rather have that people would just chill out and hang out with each other. Everyone should like everyone. That would be amazing, but in a world like Panem, Gavin knew that that couldn't exist. And besides, he was a Tribute now. He will fight for his life in a few days. It's not the same as the situation right now, but this confrontation would be less tense than the one in the Arena. If he couldn’t handle this, how could he survive in the Arena? So, Gavin decided, he'd step into that room where Barbara and Gus were, right...
... now.
Just kidding, that one was just a test. He'll go in one... two... three...
Bloody Christ. He couldn't do it. He couldn't manage just one hand movement. How could he win the Games?
The door was suddenly opened by a hot girl with fire red hair. She walked past him and Gavin is tempted to look back to her again, but Gus and Barbara were already looking at him. He’d been caught.
"Oh, there's the idiot," Gus sighed, filling his glass with something that looks like whisky. "I was just telling Barbara that she should stay away from you in the Arena, because you'll be getting killed soon there."
So, nothing secret about it, then. Alright.
Not knowing what to say, he defended himself. "I don't think I'm an idiot. Everything I say just comes out wrong."
That seemed to amuse Gus. "You're still a fucking idiot."
Gavin looked at Gus, and shrugged. He grabbed a beer - he started to love those since he tasted them - and walked away to the other side of the room. He then walked all the way to the end of the train, where their rooms were. He sat down on his fancy bed, and did nothing but drink his beer.
~~~~~
"Who are you?"
Gavin had woken up to a dude with a beard and a cap on. Gav sat up on a non-comfortable steel bed. He'd no idea how or when he got here.
"My name's Brian. I will design your clothes for tonight. Nice to meet ya," Brian said, shaking hands with Gavin. He probably saw that Gavin didn't believe what he said. "It really is nice to meet you. You don't seem like the other Careers. Not so arrogant, y'know."
Gavin didn't know whether he should take that as a compliment or not. "I don’t look like one of them, you mean?"
"Yeah. They have more muscles than you. Have you actually been trained to be a Volunteer?"
"No. I haven't." Gavin said, looking the other way and clenching his jaws. Brian was minging him off. It didn't seem like he wanted to insult Gavin, yet he did. Gavin wasn't trained to be a Volunteer, a Career, because people thought he wasn't good enough. Gavin was sick of it. He changed the subject. "Any idea yet what I'm gonna wear tonight?"
"Oh yeah, it's gonna be spectacular."
~~~~~
Spectacular it was. He wore shoulder pads with spikes, supposedly indicating some kind of pufferfish qualities. His torso was practically bare, a fishnet covering it. The pants and cape were pretty cool, though, which he was happy about, but still, he couldn’t stop feeling like a massive douche lord. He felt much cooler than he should be, Gavin thought. He doesn’t have a lot of muscle, which makes his outfit look ridiculous, but the audience was happy. A happy audience makes a happy mentor, they said.
Barb looked way hotter than he did, though. His dark and spiky outfit reflected in her outfit. She was wearing a dark leather top, spikes on the shoulders, and leather pants. Her cape was black as well. She looked like a badass, he felt like a nerd.
Gavin and Barbara were stood in a black wagon, three wagons ahead of them and eight behind them. Gav wasn't really paying attention to the audience or to themselves, but to the screen that showed the Tributes. He hadn't seen Tributes 1 and 2, because they rode behind them, but he saw 3. And man, the male Tribute looked tough as nobs.
The man - it had to be a boy, though - looked buffer than Dan. His arms were strong and because of his shoulders, he looked very big. Perhaps he was big, but Gav would like to have some hope for a couple of minutes or so, so he convinced himself that the boy was smaller than he looked. The girl beside him looked a bit like Barbara, but the hair was different. And tough. She looked tough.
God, why did everybody look tough as nobs?
When all the carriages stood still in a circle, the tributes looked up at President Snow as he held his speech. District 4 was one of the richest districts, it was loved by President Snow, but that didn't mean all people of District 4 loved him. They do not even like him, perhaps even hate him. But you can’t talk about that sort of stuff. They would know and you'd be executed within the next day or two. Gavin didn't like the President. He thought that he was a slippery piece of shit that has excuses for everything that he does. Of course he hadn't told anyone that, even though he trusted almost everyone in his district. Everyone knew everyone, and mostly knew what everyone thought of everything. So there was practically no need of telling each other their opinions.
But there was nothing he could do then. He only stood there, in a carriage, next to Barb. Snow was giving a speech, probably about the honor of being chosen and what a great event the Hunger Games is. They were not listening. At least, Gavin wasn't. Instead of paying attention, he was looking again at the other tributes. This time, he could take a better look.
District 1 had a guy with dark brown short hair with glasses. He didn't look strong: his arms weren't buff like the typical male from 1. The girl was blonde and, as Barb, looked pretty top. They both had gold armor on. The girl was dressed more provocatively than the boy, but Gavin wasn't complaining.
Then there was 2. Those two people did look tougher than 1. The guy had auburn curly hair and it looked like he was frowning. At who or what, Gavin didn’t know. The guy stood firmly, as if he was already prepared to face his enemy. He probably was, considering his district. And that was such a downer, for Gavin. He wanted to think he had a genuine chance of winning, but a guy like this reminded he had actually no chance at all.
The girl beside him had pure red hair. She was beautiful. She wasn't Gavin's type, but that's what she was: beautiful. She had also a friendlier face as opposite to the guy beside her, but she still looked very strong.
3 was... technical. As you'd expect. The guy was looking strong, despite it being a district of technology, but he looked very smart too. This is a guy you should be afraid of, Gavin thought. The girl, instead, looked not strong at all. She had black hair with purple at the ends of her hair strands and was standing close to the guy. She looked cute, but she did not look like she could kill some people. But then, impressions could be very wrong.
Gavin could not look behind him, so that was the end of looking at his fellow tributes. Starting to pay attention to his surroundings, president Snow was at the end of his speech. "... to you, my brave tributes," Snow said, "may the odds be ever in your favour."
Barbara leaned in as the carriages started ride again, and whispered sarcastically, "Yeah, right."
Yeah. That man with his silly and creepy white rose would say everything to contain his love of his people in Capitol. He was a sneaky old bastard, and Gavin would like to do something against his favour, for once.
If only he could.
~~~~~
When he got out of the shower, smelling like salt - he used salty soap because it reminded him of home - he was, believe it or not, nervous. He didn't know what to do.
Tomorrow was the first day of training, and then he would see everybody. Everyone he had to kill or get killed by, they are all in the same room. It scared him. And he was supposed to make alliances? Yes, he gets it, but he doesn't want to do it. He doesn't want to do any of this. But it was his own fault. He Volunteered. He made the choice. All for Dan. All for someone who didn't like him back. Not in the way Gavin wanted to be.
Gavin wanted a lot of things. A lot of things he couldn't have. Love, for example. He hadn't someone who he truly felt something for. He found girls and boys cute, but there were no real feelings. he wanted something real. He realized he couldn’t have that with Dan, and that broke his heart.
Only God knows when Gavin began to have feelings for him. He really doesn't know. It could be when they were little. It could be that exact moment he discovered it, that time in the lake, when they were fishing together. Dan was being silly, talking about wanting to be a fish, when the thought arrived in Gavin's mind.
I love you, his mind had said. It is saying it ever since.
But nobody said it ever to him. Not in the romantic I-want-to-spend-the-rest-of-my-life-with-you way.
And now Gavin was going to die. Only in a couple of days. He was sure of it. He wasn't a strong fighter, not as strong as the rest. He wasn't good with swords, and if he used them, he always cut his hand or something else of his body. It wasn't just bad luck, it was him. He, who was bad and no fighter at all. He was no survivor. He was Gavin.
Somewhere deep inside of him, he already knew all of this. Perhaps that was the real reason why he Volunteered. Dan was going to Volunteer for Barb, and perhaps he'd realized that Dan had a whole life ahead of him. Perhaps Gavin knew he himself didn't, that he was worth nothing.
Gavin couldn't sleep. Not with these thoughts in his head. He went to the crazily designed kitchen, looking for something to eat. He found some honey cookies he'd never had before, and watched some TV after eating every single cookie. He eventually fell asleep on the couch with the TV still on.
A draining day awaited him tomorrow.