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“Uwi na kayo pagkatapos?”
The practice room was misty, moist even that Sunghoon was starting to second guess the after practice clothes he brought with him. Kung bakit nagpadala siya kay Jake na bilihin yung black na velvet trench coat sa outlet store nung US tour nila, di niya na rin mawari.
He should’ve known the Fort Worth slip up during their show in Texas was not any good when it came to Jake’s slips of tongue.
“Hyung, alis na kami.” May malokong ngiti si Ni-ki habang nilapitan siya ng nakakabata. Sunghoon was taken back to this morning and how the word “kuya” pooled into his ears pleasantly as the younger members greeted him right when their alarm went off.
He remembers waking up to Jungwon’s puffy face as their young leader softly patted him to rise. A 6 am call time used to be twice as hard but routines were made. Isa na rin sigurong factor na gusto ni Sunghoon was their room dynamics no matter how hard he denies the comfort of rooming with the youngsters.
“Ni-ki, kanina ka pa.” He denies a fond smile by rolling his eyes and watches their dance teacher pull off the tape markings from the ground. Ni-ki answers him with a laugh, a subtle tug on his shoulders before a soft punch was punctured on his bottom and the tall rascal was taking off with Jake’s scolding echoing after him.
But Sunghoon was just as soft as his hair looked. Two years ago, he might’ve liked the silence on his birthday, might’ve appreciated a kiss from his mother, a gift or two from his father and maybe even an eye roll from his sister as she forces herself to give him a hug. But since he was Enhypen’s Sunghoon now, no one could’ve prepared for him for the attachment he was feeling for the other six bodies he was starting to call home a little too often.
Sunghoon does not miss the fact that a one last “Sunghoon hyung” was yet to be uttered that day.
“Una na kami, Sunghoon hyunggg.” Lambing ulit ni Jungwon habang pinupunasan ang basang basa nitong nuo. Sunghoon would have fretted over the younger’s rosy cheeks if it weren’t for the fact that seeing them all dressed up and ready to go brought a sense of loneliness to him.
He wants to tell them it’s his birthday, wants to tell them to stay so he only ends up giving a soft smile as he denies a frown, “Ingat, wag niyo kainin yung tiramisu na pinadala ni mama asa pyrex yon.”
Jay gives him a reassuring nod before palming Jungwon’s moist back. Sunghoon dodges a hug from him too habang malokong ginulo ni Heeseung yung buhok niya. He gives them another nod, lips tight to construct a fake smile when the door closes and he was left alone.
And no Sunoo to wave him goodbye either.
Sunghoon remembers it happening when they came back from Japan. The funny thing is, never naman kasi sila naging roommates ni Sunoo during the tour.
Or that was how their members played around during their lives. It was funny to some degree pag naaalala niya yung mga tweet na nakikita niya on his burner account offering a whole damn ritual para lang maging roommates sila ni Sunoo, not knowing one bit that every night while their bodies ached from back to back shows, he was memorizing the younger’s little snores of exhaustion.
During their Japan tour, it has always been them rooming with each other all thanks to a silly bet that he won over Jungwon. Leader perks, ika nga and Jay has him to thank for.
“Thank you!” He smiles into the camera but not quite. Mabilis lang yung live sabi nung manager nila since galing din silang practice and that was his only motivation to fake his smiles wider. He was happy, really. It was just the pent up exhaustion at kahit di niya kasi talaga aminin, two years into this new life was still bringing him a sense of whiplash.
Everything still felt like an italicized moment, including everyone he met and especially the boy who owns the top bunk from their bed.
And if Sunghoon disregards that silly thought, he could’ve sworn he felt the lightest tap of something soft on his cheek earlier this morning before he could fully wake up.
“Bakit nakangiti?” He easily reads the comments loudly far too deep in his thoughts to notice. Once he was able to realize his current setting, mabilis siyang napatawa at bahagyang tiningnan yung prod team nila sa harap niya. “Syempre, I’m spending another year as Enhypen’s Sunghoon. Kahit naman hindi ako vocal, that title still feels surreal to me, guys. Seryoso.”
It was true but Sunghoon knows there's this hollow part in him that continues to seek the comfort of having someone’s attention today.
“Alam niyo akala ko nga may pa-surprise sila,” he starts to trail off while his cheeks heat up. Maingat niyang hinati yung cake and he’s once again reminded of fluffy and pale cheeks who would happily devour the sweet dessert if only he were there.
“Nagsi-uwi ba naman.” He keeps his pout trapped in by forcing out half baked chuckles. “Okay lang naman, I mean magki-kita naman kami sa dorm. Nagkakasawaan na nga eh.”
Hindi siguro. He knows this a lot.
It ran for a couple more minutes, just him basking from their fans’ wishes and messages until he heard the start of a recorded message.
Sunghoon smiles around his spoon as he starts to light up his cake.
“Hyung, happy birthday!” And oh, baka nga ganon yung italicized moment na sinasabi niya but it was just greater than that. Hearing the start of the voice alone made Sunghoon momentarily stopped functioning. Parang ang hirap gumalaw na kailangan niya pigilin yung oras para lang maintindihan niya yung bawat salita.
Tangina, happy birthday pa lang yon.
Ramdam niya ang kabog ng dibdib and for a second, he lets it frighten him warmly while the rest of the world was moving in front of him. He busies himself by lighting up his candles as the message continues.
“Sana wag ka na magka-sakit. Dapat ako lang topnotcher sa title na yon.” There was a pause somewhere after a set of giggles he would know kahit siguro mabingi siya.
Then his chest breaks warmly at the next words. “Please always take care of your health. I mean it, hyung. Ang hirap makita ka–mahirap magkasakit, okay! Happy birthday ulit and I hope we can do better this year!”
He’s live, Sunghoon knows but the way his mouth quivers was an action he couldn’t mask. Not when such a simple phrase managed to break his palms to sweat under the table.
When the live ended, he was met with a decision he’s been thinking of for the past two years.
“Walang nalimutan?” Sunghoon looks up from his phone while their manager murmurs a set of one sided reminders. Mabilis niyang tinango ang ulo as he grips the box of cake dearly against his chest.
Madilim na sa labas so the thought of going home to soft snores made him sadder. Sunghoon knows it was silly pero yung thought ba na talaga pala walang surprise na naisip yung anim parang nakaka-ano sa feeling and he hates the distaste it brings too.
Mabagal niyang sinundan yung manager nila who was too busy rummaging for the company car keys when they took a turn for the parking.
Until a familiar silhouette who shouldn't be there was actually there.
Kim Sunoo was and is a lot of things. One, he was both careful and not with his words. Sunghoon knows this kahit nung I-land pa and their distinct conversation over dirty dishes would always remain in his memory kahit ilang habang buhay pa siguro.
“Close na kayo ni Jake hyung? Ako rin naman cute ah.”
Kim Sunoo just feels like the brightest colors when it comes to a box of crayons. The boy was just hard to miss, hard not to notice and he was just meant to be known.
Malayo na yung manager nila while he stops by the turn. Tahimik lang na nakatayo yung isa, his hunched figure giving Sunghoon an idea that he was on his phone. And even from a little distance, he was able to smell the faint scent that was Kim Sunoo.
And the boy was a lot of things except being his.
“Hinintay mo ako?” Sunghoon asks, eyes tired but his smile was gentle and just everything Sunoo thinks of when he looks at the sky.
A moment of surprise, wonder and warmth passed him all in an instant from where he was hunched over. Sunghoon was taller this way at parang sa hindi maipaliwanag na paraan, the older looked more charismatic when he was tired.
Sunoo slips his arms tighter inside his padded hoodie to stop the urge of reaching out for the older’s bigger frame.
And courage often does not come easily but the freshly ended live he was just watching somehow erased his remaining fears.
Ano ba, matatapos ba talaga ang 2023 na walang mangyayari. Sunoo huffs inside his head before boosting himself to push out the biggest smile.
“Ayaw mo ba, hyung?” He watches Sunghoon’s mouth quirk up, eyes softening as the older forces out a cough.
It was always so easy with Sunghoon. Everything just felt like they were meant to do it all along.
“Tampo yan?” He continues to drag out when the red hue of the older’s skin was starting to get noticeable. Sunoo struggles to trap in a coo kaya mabilis na lang siyang tumayo para lapitan ang nakakatanda.
It wasn’t that late pero kadalasan after 8 pm, uwian na talaga ng staffs. With a little push on his own end and a quick look behind just to make sure na yung manager nila eh hindi pa sina-start yung sasakyan, Sunoo risks a look around Sunghoon to make sure that no one could spot them here.
Sunghoon continues to stand in front of him. A small frown was starting to form habang ang pisngi nito ay tuluyan na namula sa pangaasar nito. And before he can talk himself out of it, Sunoo gently tugs at Sunghoon’s coat to pull the older closer before he closes his own eyes to plant a quick but firm kiss on the other’s cheek.
“Happy birthday,” he mumbles against the heated skin.
And oh.
No wonder it felt familiar.
Sunghoon blinks against the soft lips on his cheek. His hands, steady and bearing the warmest fingertips that could sizzle snow.
It was only when Sunoo pulled away with a shy smile and a small bounce in his step was he able to pull the words out. “Kaninang umaga ikaw ba yung…”
“Himbing pa kasi ng tulog mo,” Sunoo playfully rolls his eyes with a fond laugh. “Binilisan ko lang kasi natakot ako sa alarm ni Jungwon baka biglang tumunog.”
“Pero–”
Sunoo pulled on his coat again to peck his other cheek. “Hyung, tara na. Ikaw sumisira ng sarili mong surprise birthday eh.”