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Asahina Mafuyu did not have likes or dislikes. The whole concept of “preferences” was foreign to her. Was life not about fitting into society as a functional cog? Study, go to college, find a well-earning and respectful job, get married, have kids, grow old and retire, and then live out your remaining years quietly. Did that sound depressing? Mafuyu did not know. Maybe the cold feeling that would arise in her chest when she contemplated such things was “depression”. It probably did not matter though.
Still, Mafuyu could not stop herself from pursuing the feelings of warmth that would occasionally fill her empty heart. She had yet to identify all the things that would give her warmth, let alone the reason why they would feel warm to her. All she could do was to jot down the things that happened whenever she felt the warmth in an effort to better understand herself:
- Writing songs with Niigo
- Going to Phenyland
- Giving first aid to patients at the Shibuya Festival
- Watching Hinomori-san sing
- Rabbits?
Mafuyu stared at the last item on her list. While the first four items were recent happenings, the last was something that had felt warm to her for as long as she could remember. She had a picture book from childhood that told of the story of a white rabbit meeting a black rabbit. When her mother had thrown it away a few years ago, she had felt terrible about it – as though she had eaten spoiled food and wanted to vomit. That must mean she “liked” the book. She also had a brown rabbit plushie as a child, but her mother must have thrown it away at some point as well – it was difficult for Mafuyu to remember what had happened to it because her brain seemed so averse to the incident that it refused to recall it. She only vaguely remembered the existence of the plushie recently when Kanade fed her apples when she was sick – it jogged up memories of her mother feeding her apples slices cut in the shape of bunnies, and she was pretty certain she had eaten them while hugging her rabbit plushie.
While it would be difficult to reason exactly why the first four items brought her warmth, “rabbit” was a rather straightforward “item”, or rather “animal”, to investigate. There was a rabbit pen conveniently situated on the Miyajo school grounds, so it was not too difficult to go there to take a look. Well, it did take Mafuyu a couple days to find the chance to do so since she was always busy with club and committee activities or would otherwise be ambushed by her classmates and the teachers to help with a variety of tasks that she could care less about in actuality, but she did manage in the end.
It was the week before midterm exams hence few students went to visit the rabbits during lunch time. After quickly finishing her food, Mafuyu hurried down to the rabbit pen but did not really know what to do after she arrived. Maybe she should start by approaching the rabbits. When she did so, the rabbits inside the pen scurried towards the far side and crouched against the wall, as far away from Mafuyu as possible. The warm feeling that had greeted Mafuyu when she had first seen the rabbits quickly faded to the cold emptiness that she was accustomed to. It prompted her to reach a hand towards the rabbits in hopes of grasping the last threads of warmth that remained, but they quickly dissipated out of her reach.
“Oh Asahina-san, what a surprise seeing you here.” A familiar voice sounded behind Mafuyu, prompting her to shift her attention away from the rabbits. She donned her usual good girl mask and smiled at the newcomer.
“Good afternoon, Hinomori-san.”
“Good afternoon! Are you here to visit the rabbits also?”
The person who had spoken to her was Hinomori Shizuku, Mafuyu’s fellow second-year student at Miyajo and her archery teammate. She was one of the most famous students at the school, and indeed quite well-known across the nation as an idol. Her popularity was no surprise, seeing that she was a striking beauty who would stand out from the general population even if she did absolutely nothing. Mafuyu understood how most people’s perceptions worked, but she could not relate to them, however. Why exactly would you admire an idol’s looks when it was something innate and immutable? Would Hinomori-san’s work ethics not be more admirable?
“I think the rabbits are a bit shy though,” Mafuyu answered Shizuku with an awkward smile. She knew the rabbits were not actually shy – they just did not like her. After all, what was to like about a shell of a person like Mafuyu?
“In that case, you just need to take the initiative. Like this!”
Shizuku walked right into the pen and reached for a rabbit huddled against the wall. It gave no resistance, obediently curling up in Shizuku’s embrace and then proceeded to nudge its small head against her arm. The other rabbits looked on with what seemed to be jealousy, hopping over to sit by Shizuku’s feet.
Shizuku handed the rabbit towards Mafuyu. “Do you want to pet it?”
Mafuyu wanted to say “no” knowing this would not end well, but she held a small hope that the rabbit would let her pet it with Shizuku keeping it calm. Once again, she cautiously reached a hand towards the rabbit, but it bounded up when she neared, bit her finger, and ran off to hide behind Shizuku.
“Oh my, are you hurt, Asahina-san?” Shizuku asked urgently.
Mafuyu retracted her hand and shook her head. “No, it was only a nibble. The rabbit must have been startled.”
“It might not be used to strangers. You see, I come here every so often because petting the rabbits helps me relieve stress. They are so very cute, aren’t they?”
Mafuyu felt as though her cheeks were about to spasm from the false smile that she had been forcing herself to show. “They are very cute indeed,” she said stiffly. But they do not want to show their cuteness to me, of course.
……………………
The next day, Mafuyu had been unable to concentrate during archery practice – her arrows were scattered around the target and could not accurately reach the center. When they took a break, Shizuku gestured for Mafuyu to come to her side. Mafuyu nodded and moved towards her, thinking that she would be fed some miso soup as usual.
However, when she neared, Shizuku took out her pencil case and pulled out a pen from within. “Isn’t it cute?” Shizuku asked, pointing at the end of the pen that was capped with a mini rabbit figurine.
Is she bragging? – Mafuyu thought to herself. Thinking of no other reason for Shizuku to show off the pen, Mafuyu asked, “Is this a gift from your sister?”
Shizuku giggled, “Haha, I would be really happy if Shii-chan were to give this to me, but this is not a present from her. I came across it at a stationary store on my way home yesterday. It reminded me of what happened at the rabbit pen, so I bought it.”
Mafuyu was confused, but before she could say anything else, Shizuku handed the pen over to her. “I thought you would like it,” she said.
“Is this for me?” Mafuyu asked.
Shizuku nodded.
“Thank you. I will treasure it,” Mafuyu answered, although she was still quite confused by Shizuku’s actions. It would be impolite to ask for an explanation though. Plus, the feeling of receiving a gift from Shizuku was not bad at all. Therefore, Mafuyu took the pen without further complaints and put it into her pocket.
Some days later, when Shizuku happened upon Mafuyu during a joint meeting between the class representatives and the beautification committee, she took a look at Mafuyu’s pencil case and asked. “Asahina-san is not using the rabbit pen. Do you not like it?”
“I like it very much,” Mafuyu replied. It was not a lie. The warmth had returned when she had accepted the gift, so she must have liked it, but the thought that her mother might find the pen and ask her where she had gotten it made her decide to conceal it in the Sekai – she had left it in Miku’s care instead of carrying it around at school. “But I am afraid of losing it, so I am keeping it at home.” Mafuyu gave an explanation that was similar to the truth.
Shizuku contemplated Mafuyu’s words. A few moments later, she said, “I see. I shall find a more suitable rabbit-themed item for you to enjoy then!”
“Wait, Hinomori-san…”
Shizuku was already gone by the time Mafuyu called out to her.
Why is she pampering me? – Mafuyu could only wonder.
And the next time Mafuyu saw Shizuku at the archery range, Shizuku said to her, “I have a surprise for you. Would you like to stay behind after practice?”
Mafuyu did as she was told. After they both changed into their usual Miyajo uniform and left the range, they found a place to sit down at the school’s courtyard and Shizuku unwrapped a bento box and handed it to Mafuyu.
“I made rabbit-shaped dango for you, Asahina-san. It is the same recipe as what I used during the MORE MORE JUMP moon-watching stream.”
Mafuyu picked up one of the rabbits and stared at its cute little rice ears. Indeed, the warmth she had been looking for filled her chest immediately. She could not bring herself to bite into it though, which made Shizuku look at her in a perplexed manner.
“Asahina-san, do you not like dango? Why aren’t you eating it?”
“It…” Mafuyu stuttered. Her face seemed red, but it might be because of the light of the setting sun. “It is because they are too cute – I don’t really want to destroy them,” she said quietly.
Shizuku replied with a nod, “I see. I shall try better next time!”
And once again, Shizuku hurried off before Mafuyu could say anything else. Mafuyu was left bewildered.
I have no idea why she is doing this for me, but…I thought I’d at least let her know that these are ohagi and not dango.
……………………
The next time Mafuyu met Shizuku was during lunch time on the next day – Shizuku had caused chaos by visiting Mafuyu at her classroom.
“Oh my god, is that Shizuku-sama?”
“She is even more gorgeous in-person than on TV!”
“Kyaaaaaaaah!!! I can’t believe Shizuku-sama came to our classroom. Is she looking at me?”
“Don’t be silly, Ayaka-chan. She is here to find Asahina-san.”
“Are they dating? They’d make such a picturesque couple. I…can’t…I’m feeling faint…”
“Your yuri goggles are strapped on too tightly. Try acting normal for once, Rei.”
“But…But…But I can’t! I’m too gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay…”
Mafuyu tried to ignore the ridiculous conjectures by her classmates, but those conjectures only became more ridiculous when Shizuku took out a pair of rabbit ears made of white fabric from her bag and wore them atop her own head. Mafuyu was certain that some of the bystanders had squealed. Others were taking photos – photos of Shizuku lowering her head as though begging for Mafuyu to pet her.
“What are you doing, Hinomori-san?” Mafuyu tried to ask in a gentle tone, but she was pretty sure her façade had cracked a little and she was sounding more like Momoi Airi whenever the latter delivers a tsukkomi in response to Shizuku’s antics.
Shizuku looked up at her with innocent eyes. “Didn’t Asahina-san want to pet a rabbit? I thought about it – as nice as the rabbit pen and rabbit dango are, they are not designed to be petted. Therefore, the only way to let Asahina-san experience the joy of petting a rabbit would be to dress up as a rabbit and let you pet me.”
No, Hinomori-san, that is not how it works – Mafuyu rebuked in her head but thought it too rude to say aloud. She realized that the longer they stood there in this awkward position, the worse the situation was becoming – more and more students started crowding around them, gossiping and snapping photos. At this rate, they would be trending on social media. What if her mother sees this?
Best to get it over with, she thought. She reluctantly put a hand atop of Shizuku’s head, but the moment her fingers threaded through the silky hair strands and felt warmth beneath them, her reluctance faded. That warmth seemed to have seeped into her hand and reached her heart.
It does not make any sense for me to like this – Hinomori-san is obviously not a rabbit. But why? Why does it feel so comforting to pet her head like this? – Mafuyu’s inner voice spoke in her mind. When Shizuku nudged her head against her palm and smiled, she suddenly understood the reason.
Small animals do not judge people. They do not have expectations of you. So, Mafuyu must have subconsciously hoped that they would return her affection without demanding anything else from her. All Mafuyu had wanted was to be loved unconditionally.
And that must be why, as strange as Hinomori-san’s behaviour has been, I do not dislike what she has done for me.
She found it harder and harder to let go. Instead, she gave Shizuku’s head another rub, knowing full well that this was being captured on camera. But she did not care. For once, she decided to let herself be pampered.