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It didn't happen all the frequently -thankfully- but that didn't make it any easier when it did happen.
This was one of her and Barbara's least favorite traditions.
Usually they would get the email or text message from someone on the admin team during the school day (when they had to try to not think about it just to get through the day) or in the evening after dinner.
This time, Melissa had just finished putting up the leftovers from dinner and loading the dishwasher when the message informing them that Derrick's father had passed away in an accident, made her phone ding.
Derrick was now in third grade, but had been in all of their classes. She and Barb had his older siblings in class as well. Melissa re-read the message, hoping it would somehow change, but knowing it wouldn't. She sighed. She knew the routine, but now that she thought about it this was the first time one of these messages had occurred since the new group had started.
Her phone began ringing. The redhead picked it up, knowing who it was before she saw the name.
"Hi Melissa, how you holding up, honey?"
Melissa could feel herself calm just from Barbara's voice.
"Hey Barb, I'm doin' okay. It's always tough ya know? But I'll be okay. How 'bout you?"
Barbara hummed in contemplation before replying "I'll be okay. You need me to come over tonight?"
Maybe Melissa was hearing things but she thought the question sounded almost hopeful.
A few years ago- right after the divorce- they had gotten one of these messages and it had hit Melissa harder than usual. Barb had come over and spent the night holding her while she cried, whispering soothing words in her ear.
They never talked about it really, except when another message came and even then it wasn't talked about directly.
Melissa shook her head slightly as if it would clear the memory away before she replied. "Nah, it's a school night. But after the service, I may take you up on it."
"Okay Mel, let me know if you change your mind"
"I will. You heard anything from the kids?"
" I haven't, but we should probably check in on them…"
"Yeah, we probably should. Gregory is closer with you, so you take him and I'll call Janine"
"I'll call Jacob as well. I know he didn't have Derek in class yet but he would have had his brother and grief works differently for everyone."
"Sounds like a plan. Thanks for callin' Barb, I know you always do, but I appreciate it- I, uh, I appreciate you"
"For you, anytime. And I appreciate you too Melissa Ann Schemmenti. Get some rest, dear"
………………………….
The next few days in the lounge were a little quieter than normal. Melissa wrapped her hands around her coffee mug- enjoying the warmth radiating through the ceramic. Barba came in, gently rubbing at her shoulder before taking her lunch out of the fridge and settling in her usual spot.
Weeks like this meant more touches- more hands to the small of each other's backs as a silent support, more hugs, more hand squeezes, more gentle touches to the other's arm.
They had more check ins with the other teachers and the students too- sometimes with a look, sometimes with actual words, sometimes with a hug.
They tried to keep themselves busy and helped in whatever way they could. Barbara said extra prayers for the family and the school. The new teachers organized a card signed by all the faculty. Melissa had been making all of her Nana's favorite recipes that were freezer friendly each night after school and was planning on dropping off a box of the frozen meals at Derrick's house tonight.
Saturday arrived and Melissa pulled on a black dress and began applying her waterproof mascara.
The front door opened and she heard Barbara yell up the stairs "Mel, it's just me" as if loads of people had keys to her house- not just Barbara and her Aunt Clementine.
"Hey hun, be right down" she replied before applying her lipstick and giving herself a once over in the mirror.
As she made her way down the stairs she noticed Barbara's overnight bag sitting next to her purse on the bench.
She walked into the kitchen finding Barbara scrubbing the already clean counters down.
Melissa wanted to walk up behind the other woman and hold her tightly, but she knew they crossed the line of normal best friend behavior more than they probably should already, so she settled for stepping up next to Barbara and giving her a side hug instead.
The kindergarten teacher smiled at her, but it didn't quite reach her eyes the way a usual Barbara Howard smile did.
They both sighed before Barbara broke the silence.
"We should probably go in case we hit traffic. I told Janine we would meet them at the church."
They pulled into the parking lot next to the car with younger teachers. Melissa gave Barbara's hand a squeeze before they exited the car and greeted the three other teachers and Zach.
They all walked in together and paid their respects. Melissa leaned into the widow's hug and quietly informed her to give her a call if she needed any more meals. The woman thanked her for coming and for the first batch of food. Melissa hoped that none of the others had heard. As she turned to move down the line her heart stopped and she wished she had brought sunglasses.
Most people had skipped Derek in the line, moving from his mother to his older brother. But Barbara, who had been right in front of her, was down on a knee so she was closer to the boy's height. She was gently cradling his face and was murmuring something to the boy. He nodded at whatever she said before wrapping her into a tight hug.
Melissa looked up at the ceiling, willing herself not to cry and simultaneously expecting a lightning bolt to come down and strike her because in that moment she knew if she could marry that woman she would.
Upon seeing his teacher from the year before, Derek brought the arm closest to her out so she could join the hug. She placed one arm around the boy and the other around Barbara.
They made their way through the rest of the line and met up with the other teachers towards the back of the church.
"You guys stayin' for the service or headin' out?"
The four young adults looked at each other and shrugged.
Barba supplied them with a "we usually make an appearance at the visitation, if possible, so we can pay our respects to the family and then we leave before the actual funeral service."
The group seemed relieved at that news and they turned to head out to the parking lot.
At the cars, Janine lingered by the driver's door.
"We were going to go out for lunch, if you guys want to join us?"
Barbara looked at Melissa for a moment before she answered for them.
"Thank you dear, but we oldheads have some traditions of our own to get to for days like today."
………………….
When they arrived back at Melissa's, Barbara gave Melissa a long hug then pulled away so they could begin their routines.
Barbara would always go shower first- there was something about physically and emotionally washing the day away- while Melissa prepared the tea and checked on the chicken noodle soup in the crockpot.
Barbara came down stairs in her matching silk pajama bottoms and long sleeve shirt. Melissa placed a hand on between the other woman's shoulder blades as she informed her that she was going to take her turn in the shower.
When she came down the stairs in her Stanley Tucci t-shirt and flannel pj bottoms Barbara gave her an endearing smile. She had prepared each of them a large mug of chamomile tea and had lit the fireplace while Melissa was upstairs.
Barbara, who was already on the couch, held up the edge of the blanket she was using for Melissa to join her. The red head slid in next to the other woman and grabbed her mug of still steaming tea before she settled in.
Melissa placed her head on Barb's shoulder, then Barbara rested her head on top of Melissa's.
Melissa rubbed calming circles on Barbara's leg- just above the knee and basked in the warmth of the other woman- the physical warmth and the emotional one that seeped into her through the contact and helped to warm her heart.
Sometimes when they did this they would talk about Melissa's Nana, or Barbara's mother. Sometimes they would talk about God and their upbringings. Sometimes, like today, they would sit in a comfortable silence, sipping their tea as they processed the day, with just the fireplace crackling- content to simply be in the presence of one another after a hard week and dwell in the comfort the other offered.
When the fire had started to die down a bit they moved to kitchen to get some of the chicken noodle soup (Nana's recipe) that Barb thought was the ultimate comfort food.
They talked as they ate, filling in each other on all the little things that happened that hadn't been shared already. Barbara shared how Gina's classes were going for her engineering degree and Melissa shared a story from her weekly family dinner that had them both crying from laughter by the end.
When they were done Barbara placed the dishes in the dishwasher while Melissa poured them each a glass of wine and grabbed the tray of cannoli she had made this morning (another standing request of Barb's).
They made their way back to the living room to continue their ritual with Melissa adding a few logs to the fire while Barbara turned on the TV and pulled up Cosmos.
"Get ready to hear about the wonders of the universe with Mr. Neil Patrick Harris, that man is brilliant, and that voice!"
Melissa smiled at the mix up but didn't correct her, it was one of the things she found so endearing about the other woman.
Barbara loved documentaries, but Gerald was not a fan. And somehow learning about the vastness of the universe always comforted her in times like these. She often would lean over to Melissa with an "oh did you hear that?" or a "Mmm, look at what the Lord can do!".
Melissa finished up with the fireplace and sat down on the couch. She leaned forward and picked up a wine glass and cannoli to hand to Barb before grabbing her own and settling in.
Barbara was riveted by the show. Melissa enjoyed it but she found herself more often than not watching the other woman watch the show.
After the wine was gone and they had all the cannoli they dare eat, came Melissa's favorite part of the ritual.
Melissa would deny it to her dying breath if anyone asked, but she loved having her hair played with. She rarely let anyone close enough to her (physically or emotionally) to do so.
But Barbara had noticed how much it calmed her down and how much she enjoyed it when she had been holding her as she sobbed on the first of these nights.
Barbara scooched over enough so that Melissa could put her head on her lap.
Melissa didn't hesitate to take up the unspoken invite and let out a hum of contentment as Barb's fingers glided through her hair and she brushed soothing shapes on her scalp.
Melissa was almost asleep when she heard the TV pause and felt the other woman sit up a bit to stretch her back. The redhead rolled from her side to her back so that she could look at Barbara.
"You ready to head upstairs?"
"I'm actually quite content here, but I know if we stay like this neither of us will be able to walk in the morning." She replied with a smile.
"Alright" Melissa sighed. "Let's go before I lose the will to move then. I'll clean up in the morning."
She got up and helped the other woman up from the couch before they headed up the stairs.
Melissa stopped by the guest bedroom door but Barbara seemed to hesitate.
"It not just Derrick- but that was a reminder of how fragile life is… there is other stuff too… that I don't want to talk about tonight" Barbara took a deep breath and closed her eyes before continuing. "I just… on the couch down there with you close… I felt so safe and understood… I know it is a lot to ask but can I sleep with you tonight?"
Barbara's eyes opened comically wide, then she blushed when she realized what the last sentence sounded like. "What I meant was can you hold me while I sleep tonight?"
Melissa smiled and grabbed the other woman's hand. "You're my safe place too"
She led Barbara to her room and let the other woman get into the bed before she slid in next to her.
Barbara rolled on her side and Melissa inched closer. She wrapped an arm around the other woman's waist and snuggled against her.
"This okay?"
Barbara replied with a sleepy "Mmhmm"
Melissa could feel herself drifting off to sleep as well, secure in knowing that no matter what trials life brought she would be able to weather it with Barbara.