Work Text:
Jenni Vartiainen - Missä muruseni on
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The Slat was seen from your window, its lights out, but Kaz’s attic room was lit up. He was working, by no doubt. You wrapped your blanket tighter around yourself as you sat on the armchair in your balcony, just to be closer to him.
You remembered your friend telling you that a shooting star would give you one wish, if you wished it right after seeing it and didn’t tell it to anyone - and you couldn’t help but wish that Kaz would come back to you.
That wind would go to him, tell him that you still waited for him and would be waiting for him even after years, if he’d still have you. Play with his hair, make him push it back to keep it tidy. The mental image made you smile a little.
You knew Kaz just wasn’t ready for a relationship, but he had promised, in his own way, that he’d be ready in the future. He just needed time to process his feelings. To grow, and mature into a man worthy of you.
But then, as you had sat there with him in that cold, snowy night when he told you that it would be better if you didn’t see each other for a while for your protection, you couldn’t help but want to tell him that you want him to be with you now, that he’s already a man worthy of you. But you also knew that he would disagree, he would say he was not yet ready for a commitment like that. It wasn’t safe to be with you yet. You knew he had his reasons, and you knew they are good ones. And you know that, despite all your reservations about being together, it’s what you both want, despite you feeling cold at night without him - even when you knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep in the same bed and hold you. He wouldn’t cup your cheek or kiss you, your affection was different. Looks, tiny smiles, just sitting side by side.
But some way, it brought you comfort to see the light in the attic - it meant that he was still alive. Still breathing the same air you were, sharing the earth underneath your feet. And as long as he was alive, you had hope that some day, you would get together again.
Right now, it was risky to be with him, he had a lot of enemies and they would use you against him. It was better to pretend that you didn’t know each other. Your closest friends knew about your relationship with Kaz, and they had wondered if you aren’t afraid that Kaz would find someone else. But you knew that when Kaz promised something, he kept it.
But until then, you could show affection for him through the wind, hope that the shooting star heard your wish…