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Jon ached all over. This was the hardest thing he had done in some time. He wasn't even sure if his hour-long workouts were even helping him with the damn thing. Theon and Robb certainly weren't. Gendry was trying, but the instructions adorably confused him, for someone who was a welder and metalworker. Arya was just shouting orders.
He exhaled hard, blowing a strand of sweaty curly hair out of his eyes. He looked at the damn thing, sitting in the postage stamp patch of his front garden, and figured this was as good as it was going to be. He glanced over to the house beside his, where Gendry was figuring the last bits of the other gift, standing high on a ladder, shrugging as he attached the head. "You done mate?" he called to his future brother-in-law.
"Think so. It needs the hat."
"That's for Rhae." It was part of the whole gift. He wondered what Dany would say when she showed up. She'd had to take Rhae to the doctor for yet another ear infection, so Jon decided now was a perfect time to get everything set up.
It would be a holiday surprise for them both.
Phee, who was attached to his chest, chortled merrily, waving a plastic squeaky dog toy in the shape of a candy cane. It had been for Ghost, but she'd stolen it from him and now it was hers. Perfect teething item, honestly, Jon thought. She gummed the candy cane, waving at Ghost, who was still butt hurt that his toy had been co-opted by a baby, and glared sulkily in her direction.
Jon plucked the red knit cap with a white pom pom on it from her soft curls, pressing a gentle kiss to the crown of her head and took a nice hit of "baby" which-- when she was clean, fed, and in a good mood-- was as addictive to him as cigarettes and alcohol to other people. He figured it was healthier too. He readjusted her cap and wrapped his arm around her belly, to keep her from leaning forward in the bjorn. "What do you think Arya?" he asked.
"I think it is so foul I can't look away."
PErfect. Jon figured that was the point of every holiday he had spent in the company of this motley crew since he returned from his mandatory military discharge. He hoped Dany would feel the same. Talk about traditions. "Good," he agreed.
Phee flung both her arms up and smacked him in the face. He grabbed for his face with one hand, while he reached for his ringing phone with his other. Out of the corner of his eye, he thought he saw Robb and Theon up on the roof, which could not be good. He turned away, not wanting to be witness to whatever they might be doing, and answered, noting Dany's face on the screen. "Hey."
"Almost home, do you want me to get dinner? I'm not cooking."
"I have pizza."
"No," came clearly from somewhere in the car.
He smiled, already anticipating. "And I have mac and cheese for Rhae, you didn't let me finish!"
Dany chuckled. "She's giving me a nod. It was definitely an ear infection, so I got her meds and we have to give her those drops....don't look at me like that Rhae, you heard the doctor!"
"No!"
Jon saw a set of headlights turning down the street, his heart pounding in anticipation. "Um, good to know, hey, I have a surprise for you both."
"Jon..."
"It's a Christmas gift, a few days early but I think you'll like it! Gotta' go!" He disconnected against Dany's protests and saw the car in the distance begin to slow down, probably debating if it was worth continuing on to find out what the surprise was. No doubt Rhae was curious; she hated surprises but if he was doing them she tended to be a bit more engaged.
He waved his hands at Gendry, who was coming off the ladder. "They're on their way!"
“We aren’t done yet!” Robb bellowed from the roof.
Jon gave him the finger. He pushed Arya out of the way and pretended like he was always standing in front of the gate when Dany pulled up in front. He handed Phee the remote. “Now Phee!”
Phee shrieked, and he pushed her thumb on the button at the same time Dany climbed out of the car and Rhae wrestled herself out of her car seat. Jon threw his hands in the air, shouting. “Merry Christmas!”
Dany stared, eyes wide, as Arya had said— it was so foul she couldn’t help but look at it. “Jon,” she whispered, her teeth clenched. “What….”
The inflatable snowman, which flashed multicolored lights, and sang about Frosty and all that, had already filled up, the fan that pushed the air up into it so loud he couldn’t hear his own thoughts. It was so big it towered over their four-story terrace house.
In the yard beside theirs, lights flashed around the house and the skeleton he’d purchased on sale towered almost as high, cackling from the voice box somewhere in its mouth. It had icicle lights draped all around it and in his hands, Gendry held the Santa hat for Rhae to place upon the skeleton’s head.
Rhae stared at the massive skeleton, her gray eyes massive. They shimmered and Jon was sure, it wasn’t the trick of the light…she was crying.
“Oh Rhae,” he began, but she stopped him, throwing her little arms around his knees and hugging tight.
Whatever Grinch heart Dany had in her chest melted at the sight and she sniffed, lightly touching Rhae’s curls. “Well…I guess…”
“And you put the hat on,” Arya said, taking it from Gendry.
Rhae took the hat, beaming, and with help from Gendry, climbed up the ladder and dropped it on the skeleton’s head. She was smiling so wide, Jon briefly wondered if she had been replaced at the doctor's office. She clasped her tiny hands together, when Gendry set her on the ground, and sighed, still looking at her skeleton. “Mine,” she whispered.
“All yours,” Jon chuckled.
Dany smiled but it was still her odd frozen “what the fuck is this” smile he knew all too well. “That’s great but what is this monstrosity doing in our yard?”
“Oh that was for Phee. And me, it’s fun don’t you think?”
She glared at him. “It’s horrible.”
His jaw dropped. “What!? It’s fun!”
“It’s tacky.”
“Dany look around, you moved into tacky when you decided to fuck this freak,” Arya piped up.
Jon threw a bit of snow at her. “Get out of here.”
“I can’t.”
“Why?”
“Because I’ll have to take one of those dipshits to the hospital soon.”
They all looked up in unison at Robb and Theon , who had finished whatever they were doing on the roof and climbing down. Dany placed her arms around Rhae’s shoulders, the little girl glaring at them both, probably for ruining her gift. “What are you doing?” she asked.
“Giving you your gift,” Robb chortled.
Theon snickered and held up the remote. “Ready?”
“One…two…”
Rhae kicked Robb and he hit the button, both roofs lighting up.
“Merry Christmas!” Robb and Theon yelled at the same time.
Jon stared. Dany’s “what the fuck” face became her “is this for real” face. Arya and Gendry squealed, hiding their laughter behind their hands.
Rhae frowned. Thankfully she couldn’t read yet, but she clearly sensed something was off and shot Robb a dark look. “Bad Robb,” she whispered.
He swallowed hard. “I thought it was funny!”
The lights were drawing so much power, something tripped and the snowman started sinking, and Rhae’s skeleton went dark. She ground her teeth and growled, surging towards him. Phee screeched.
And Jon couldn’t stop looking at the roof. “They’re insane,” he whispered.
Dany shrugged. “I mean…it’s true…even if off by a couple days.”
The string lights on the roof spelled out, for the entire neighborhood and anyone in a plane overhead to see:
H A P P Y B A N G V E R S A R Y
It was off by at least three days, Jon thought, shaking his head in disbelief. Depending on when you wanted to count it. They might have overlapped by either December 24 or December 25. Regardless, this was just…he truly was speechless. Dany, on the other hand, was amused. More amused by the broadcasting of her sex life history on a roof than by his inflatable snowman which he thought was actually really cute!
He was so annoyed. “I’ll kill them,” he breathed, zeroing in on Theon and Robb, who were high-fiving and generally trying to avoid Rhae, who was starting to stalk Robb like a tiny little apex predator.
“You will not,” Dany said. “If only because you have a baby on your chest.”
“She can learn.”
Phee laughed, unperturbed. She shook her head from side to side, babbling in baby language, occasionally smacking his face with a fat fist. Dany rose on her toes, kissing his cheek. “Take that abomination down by tomorrow afternoon.”
“It’s a gift!”
“Too bad, I hate it.”
“And the skeleton?”
She shrugged. “You can try, but I don’t think Rhae will let you.”
Jon sniffed; he liked the snowman. He would take it down after Christmas. Unless of course, Dany told him so again and he would naturally listen. He nodded to the lights on the roof. “And those?”
“They’re amusing. We can keep them up until the neighbors complain.” She wiggled her eyebrows. “Besides, I have a gift for you too.”
Jon narrowed his eyes. “Does it have something to do with a Santa suit?”
“As a matter of fact…”
“Dany!”
She laughed, dancing away from his swipe, trying to grab at her. “Traditions, Jon Snow! It’s a gift giving tradition!”
He snorted. Phee laughed again, waving her hand, and at his side, Rhae snuggled into his knees, mumbling: “Merry Christmas.”
fin.