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It has been a long fucking day.
Greed - to his great shame and enduring disgust - managed to go and get himself kidnapped. Which was a thoroughly unpleasant and embarrassing ordeal that included getting trussed up like a chicken, having a bag put over his head, getting bumpily transported to fuck-knows-where, dropped into a dark, damp cellar and having to put up with very rude and smug kidnappers for several hours, until Alphonse burst in through one of the cellar walls and politely informed everyone that they were getting taken into custody.
It also involved a long, exhausting walk back from fuck-knows-where to the palace, kidnappers in tow, and briefly getting yelled at by a very agitated Ling (like Greed needed a reminder that he fucked up) while Lan Fan busied herself with tossing the now much less smug kidnappers into their own dark, damp cells. Then having to get interrogated by Lan Fan while Ling fucked off on important Emperor business, before finally being allowed to retire to his own room and take a much needed shower and change into something that hasn't been dragged through a disgusting amount of filth.
So yeah, it has been a long fucking day, and Greed would really like to bury himself under a pile of blankets and nurse his bruised ego now, thank you. He's sure this whole ordeal will make for a very funny story in a couple months, and in fact he'd like it to be said couple months later already, when he has recovered from the walk of shame that was Al bringing him back like a lost pet. Right now though? He could really go for a long, solid nap. Maybe some cuddles, if Ling was amenable. Hell, some head scritches, even.
Except that last part would require Ling to chill the fuck out already, and that's apparently not happening. Because Ling had burst in shortly after Greed was done putting on fresh clothes, forced him to sit down on the edge of his bed, and has now decided it is time to frantically inspect Greed from all possible angles while patting him down thoroughly, like he's gonna find anything he hasn't seen before.
Greed is not used to this much groping with that much clothing still on. Ling is fussing, is what he is doing, Greed's decided. Ling, who has been weirdly high strung and jittery ever since Greed got back (in one piece! save for the wounded pride) and won't just sit the fuck down and give it a rest. Greed is really not in the mood for any of this. He wants uncomplicated cuddling and a nap. He half-heartedly tries flirting, one hand coming up to rest on Ling's hip, because that usually works to defuse whatever funky mood Ling is in.
"If you wanted to feel me up, you just had to say, y'know."
It comes out a lot flatter than he meant it to be, because did he mention? Tired. Ling just gives him a brief, sour glance, and keeps poking at him in a decidedly unsexy way, so Greed drops his hand again and switches tactics.
"You really didn't have to send Al to fetch me, you know. I would've gotten out on my own." And it would have saved him the embarrassment of being found like that. The kid was very nice about it, all things considered, but still.
That does get him more of a reaction from Ling, at least, even if it's not the kind he was hoping for. Ling glares at him, then lifts Greed's arm to pat him down his side, getting in Greed's space. Greed squirms, because that tickles, while Ling finally speaks up.
"You weren't getting out and Lan Fan wouldn't let me go. What was I going to do, just leave you there!?"
Well that makes no sense. Greed frowns at him. Ling has moved onto the other arm.
"Yes? I was barely gone a day!"
"Twenty-nine hours."
Greed huffs. No wonder he's exhausted. Isn't Ling tired by now?
"That's what I'm saying! I would've been back earlier, even, I just didn't expect the steel ropes. Who even has steel ropes handy?"
He is whining. He is fully aware that he's whining, but he got kidnapped, for fuck's sake, he is entitled to some whining. Ling isn't giving him any of the fun kind of attention, but neither is he letting him be, so he rants some more about getting tied up (not in the fun way either) and being unable to scratch his nose ("I was so itchy, Ling! Have you ever been that itchy? Maybe when you hold council, actually."). Grumps about damp cellars and rude kidnappers, jokes that the imperial funds are for buying expensive jewelry, not paying ransom.
But Ling just ignores his impeccable sense of humor, lips pinched bloodless, and continues to manhandle Greed in increasingly uncomfortable ways. At this point he is basically in Greed's lap, which Greed would usually be all in favor of, except he has also grabbed Greed's entire face and is pulling up his lip to look at his teeth and wow, okay, enough.
Greed snaps at him, teeth clicking, which finally seems to shake Ling out of his weird mood a little, and grabs him by the wrists to hold him off. There's a slight tremor in Ling's hands, and seriously, what the fuck? Why is he still so worked up about this, Greed is fine. Greed is famously hard to kill. They weren't even trying to kill him for fuck's sake!
"Stop fussing, your highness, I'm fine. No hidden stab wounds or anything." He thinks about this, grimaces a little. Well, not quite true, but- "Everything grew back, okay."
Ling finally stops prodding at him.
"What."
Ugh, on second thought, he regrets bringing that up. It was kind of funny, the way theatrically chopping his own head off used to be a pretty good party trick, but the aftermath? Not so much. He... doesn't want to get into this, actually, he wants to fucking sleep and be done with today, but then- Ling might find it funny. He lets go of one of Ling's wrists to wriggle his left fingers.
"Well, y'know, they tried the good old 'cut off a finger as proof we are serious blah blah- thing'. Were in for a bit of a surprise when it just grew back."
Ling isn't laughing, but he also isn't poking at Greed uncomfortably anymore, so that's progress. Greed doubles down, trying for a chirpy tone.
"But hey, I put up my shield after the first attempt! Should've seen the look on their faces when they couldn't cut through anymore. Priceless!"
Except right after that they gagged him so he'd stop giving them attitude, and he'd really fucking hated that part. At least Al didn't comment on it, just got rid of the fucking ropes and stood there quietly while Greed cursed and spat to get the taste out. Small mercies, he supposes. At least the first bit makes for a good story?
But Ling is still not saying anything, and has in fact gotten eerily quiet. His face has shuttered closed, expression carefully blank, and Greed hates when he does that. Ling knows Greed hates when he does that.
When Ling moves to climb off of Greed's lap, apparently off to fuck knows where and still not cuddling him like he should be doing, Greed stops him with the hand still on Ling's wrist. Looks at Ling's face, concern slowly winning over his growing irritation. Something is wrong.
"Uhm- Where are you going?"
There is an edge of impatience under the ice in Ling's voice when he turns to answer, words careful, precise, like Greed is fucking slow or whatever. It raises his hackles. "The holding cells." The ice wins out. "I want to hear what they'll have to say for themselves after I'm done with them."
Greed tightens his hold on Ling's wrist, keeping him there. Why does that have to happen now? That's stupid. Ling is being stupid. He tries to tug Ling back, and he's fully aware just how needy he is beginning to sound, but he cannot bring himself to care.
"Can't you do that tomorrow, it's fucking late."
Ling stares at him. Replies "they cut off your finger" like that explains anything.
"I know, I was there. It grew back, see? All good!" He waves his left hand for emphasis. All fingers accounted for! Ling glares at the hand like it personally insulted him and Greed valiantly resists the childish urge to flip him off.
"That's not the point, Greed!"
Which is when Greed's exasperation wins out again. He snaps back.
"Then what is?"
And Ling just stands there, tensed like a bow, radiating barely contained fury and glaring at Greed like he's a particularly petulant child. And. Greed is so fucking tired. He's so fucking tired. He's had a really, spectacularly bad day. He got beaten, bruised, and humiliated in new and exciting ways, and he really doesn't have the energy to deal with whatever this is. He rather desperately wants a fucking hug and to forget about the last thirty-something hours. And yet it looks like he is going to have to be the fucking adult in this room tonight.
He takes a deep breath, resists urge to pinch the bridge of his nose. Gets a hold of Ling's other wrist again and forces him to face him fully.
"Ling. What's going on. Words, if you please."
Ling's face finally scrunches up, like he only just realized he's been shutting Greed out of his emotions again, and flashes through a kaleidoscope of expressions too quick to parse before settling on 'visibly distressed'. His hands twitch like he's trying to pull them back out of Greed's hold, like he might still try to run for it, balling them into fists instead when that doesn't get him anywhere. He works his jaw, tense and angry for a long moment, and finally bites out a furious-
"No one hurts what's mine!"
Greed stares at Ling's snarling face, sitting slack-jawed for way too long while the words sink in. Huh. Greed really is a dumbass. He also, apparently, still underestimates how much Ling cares about his dumb ass, even after several years of making a nuisance of himself in the imperial palace and not getting kicked out for it. It is giving him many mushy feelings that he is absolutely in no state to process properly.
But right now Ling still looks like he's about two breaths away from undignified and no doubt very messy murder, so maybe he should at least attempt some damage control. Greed tugs on Ling's arms a little bit more forcefully, until he can slot Ling between his legs and wrap his arms around Ling's waist, instead. He bonks his head into Ling's chest and squeezes him until he finally unclenches enough to kind of reciprocate, and when Ling's arms tentatively come to rest on Greed's shoulders, he tips them both backwards onto the bed and rolls them over so he can smother a now angrily flailing Ling. There! No more murder.
Ling clearly disapproves. He makes an angry noise and kicks his feet ineffectively, pushes at Greed's shoulders to absolutely no avail. Too bad, so sad, Greed's not going anywhere. Especially not when Ling is this out of control.
"Let me go! I'm going to cut their fingers off, see how they like it. For starters! And then a couple more. And then-"
Greed makes a shushing noise and gropes around until he can put his whole entire hand on Ling's face, shutting him up before he can work himself up into a full rant. He really does not need all the creative and graphic details of Ling's more spitefully homicidal side. They shared a headspace, he knows what this is building up to, and he doesn't care for it.
He tries for humor, again.
"Come on, you don't get this mad when your council gets smart with me."
"I would if I could! I will!"
Ling is having none of it. He's puffed up like an angry cat, pushing at Greed and trying to shove him off. It would be hilarious - and Greed would rib him for it - if it weren't also slightly worrying. He's usually better at keeping his temper in check. Greed still isn't sure what has him this riled up, possessiveness aside, but he thinks he might be starting to get the rough shape of it. This would have been so much easier after a good night's sleep. And breakfast.
"Well- this is heartwarming but don't go wrecking your carefully curated political image to defend my honor, you brat. It's not worth it."
Ling makes a noise of disagreement at that, which, well. It really is nice to know he cares that much. Makes Greed feel all gooey and shit, whatever, but he doesn't actually need Ling to pick fights for him, he can do his own maiming if need be. He has claws and an impenetrable shield, for fuck's sake.
So he tries to make vaguely reassuring noises instead, petting blindly around Ling's cheeks and jaw since he can't really reach anything else when sprawled on top of him like this, and he doesn't quite trust Ling not to jump back up and run off to creatively stab some kidnappers if Greed lets him go. Not yet.
"C'mon, Ling. I'm fine. I'm fine."
It takes a while, some more shushing noises from Greed and a whole lot of grumbling from Ling, but he eventually stops struggling, resigned, if nothing else, to the fact that Greed is a whole lot heavier than him and not budging. He's still tense, though, hands balled into fists where they're trapped between their bodies. He's working up to something, it seems, so Greed waits. When Ling finally speaks up, he sounds tiny and exhausted, barely a whisper.
"… You died on me once already."
… Ah. Greed's hand stills in Ling's hair. The formless, nagging guilt that still hounds him about that whole unfortunate dying business raises its ugly head, heavy like lead in his stomach. He really can't do this right now though, not with the humiliation of the last twenty-nine hours still fresh on his mind. Another one for the growing list of things Greed isn't getting into today.
Instead, he sighs, big and tired and with all of his body, and shifts off of Ling a little so that he can scoop him back up more comfortably, laying sideways now. Wraps both arms around him again, one holding him at the waist and the other sneaking into his hair. Scratches gently at Ling's skull while he carefully considers his next words.
"I'm not planning on a repeat performance. I'm fine, Ling. I'm here."
Ling makes a wounded noise into Greed's shoulder, but he isn't trying to escape anymore, so they're definitely making progress. Instead, he slowly relaxes, finally snaking an arm around Greed's back and tangling their legs, hugging back. Greed keeps mumbling that he's fine, and Ling keeps unwinding from his tense, angry coil, breathing slow and steady into Greed's skin. He's warm. It's nice. This is definitely more in line with what he's been gunning for all this time. He can feel something finally quieting inside his own head.
It's very nice, and he's really glad Ling isn't vibrating out of his own skin with barely contained rage anymore, but he can't resist grumping into Ling's hair a little now that it feels safe to do so.
"Why do I have to be the reasonable one anyway? I'm the guy who got kidnapped."
Ling flinches, just a little. Mumbles a very quiet "sorry" into Greed's shoulder.
Greed untangles himself just enough to peer down at Ling's face. He looks as exhausted as Greed feels, face slightly blotchy and eyes bloodshot, and Greed could go on, but doesn't have the heart to keep this up.
"Well, luckily, you can make it up to me." he pauses to give Ling his best leer, complete with eyebrow waggle, before flopping dramatically back onto him. "I want cuddles. And a fucking nap. And you look like you haven't slept since I got whisked away, for that matter."
There's a muffled laugh from a very squashed Ling, and no response on the accusation about his sleep schedule, which means Greed is right and his idiot Emperor has been running on fumes and rage for way too long. Ling obediently gets a hand up into Greed's short hair and starts petting, so Greed graciously ignores that the other hand is still balled way too tight into his shirt, drags Ling just a little bit closer, and finally, finally allows himself to sleep.