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“I thought that Yoru being a distraction was part of your issue. But apparently, that is not the truth,” a voice cut through the silence, the sound of rushing water returning to Asa’s ears. All the noise around her had faded away without her realizing. She slowly turned, suddenly aware of numbness in her legs. She wasn’t sure how long she had been sitting. Famine stood behind her, her head tilted as she stared down at her. Her expression was unreadable. “You’ve used the ability on your own. So why are you unable to do it again? Is the boy that important?”
She felt something between nervousness and excitement. If she had come back to speak with her, maybe there was a way out of this. At the bare minimum, maybe she could convince her to bring Yoru back.
Yoru.
Anxiety took over as she realized the final words she had said before disappearing. She did not want her to listen to this devil. There had to be a reason for it. She would have to be cautious.
“Is Yoru okay?” She deflected Fami’s original question. Yoru had been on her mind from the second she disappeared. It bothered her, not being able to know if she was alright. If something happened to her, would she know? Would she be able to tell, or would it just be complete silence like this for the rest of her life? Even if they had been arguing, Yoru was her ally. She couldn’t imagine her allowing another devil to harm her.
“She’s angry that I took her away from her human, but aside from that she is alright. I think she’s starting to worry, though. You’ve been in here for a few hours now,” she glanced around the aquarium. “I’ve stopped the boy from hearing us, for the time being.”
Her human. She wanted to tell her that Yoru was just as much her devil as she was her human.
“You miss her,” she stepped closer, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. Her slender fingers were cold as they brushed against the side of her neck. It made her skin twitch. “You argued with her and said you want her gone, but now that you can’t speak to her or have her guidance, you’re concerned about her. It’s interesting how humans become dependent on devils like that. You need us. You need her.”
“I don’t need her. I need her to give all this up. Why does there have to be so much violence? Why does there have to be war?” She tried to quiet herself down, before remembering Denji couldn’t hear them. “You’re a devil, so explain it to me. Why can’t she just give it up? I don’t think war will ever be completely forgotten. She’ll be alright.”
“It is in her name. It is her nature to be violent, to start conflict. Asking her to stop is like asking these fish to stop swimming,” she placed a hand against the large glass panel of the aquarium. “Why do you worry about it? All you need to do is make the boy into a weapon and you will be one step closer to getting your body back. Then it will be out of your hands.”
Maybe it was something she wouldn’t understand as a devil. It was hard enough to kill someone, but she knew that this wasn’t the end. World changing chaos would ensue, all because of something she did. It was all she could think about.
Sometimes, Yoru seemed so human to her. Despite the fact that she had complained about it today, Yoru would listen to her at home for hours. She’d teach her about random topics she found interesting, other times they’d go on walks or watch TV together. For brief moments, she’d forget that she was a devil. She’d forget about what she wanted, before reality came crashing down around her.
She wanted those moments all the time, more than anything. She didn’t want Yoru gone. She wanted the war devil gone.
That’s why she just had to stall this out, just for a while longer. If she could manage to get out of the aquarium without killing Denji, maybe she could delay Yoru getting her hands on a weapon. Maybe she could convince her that those moments were more important than Chainsaw Man.
Famine grabbed ahold of her wrists, breaking her out of her thoughts. “If you love Yoru, you will either have to accept her as she is or leave when you have your body back. You can not change who she is. As long as you are around her, destruction will be a part of your life.”
“I never said anything about loving her. I’ve spent the past few days telling her how much I want her gone!” Panic seeped into her voice, although she tried to mask it. Fami was either capable of reading her mind, or far too good at taking guesses on what she was thinking of. Either way, Asa didn’t like her knowing this much.
“You expect me to believe nothing is going on between you? I can very easily read my little sister and you aren’t much more difficult. The first question you asked me was if she was alright, not if I would free you or help you. You’re even hesitant around me, because she told you not to listen to me.”
It wasn’t something she would call love, or a relationship. She didn’t know what it was.
They had kissed a few times. It’s how she figured out they could physically touch, if Yoru allowed it. If the setting had been different, she would’ve been angry she hadn’t told her sooner. Feeling something physical was much better than talking to a hallucination.
Once, the kissing led to something more intimate. They had kissed again since then, and Yoru would occasionally hold onto her while she slept, but that was where it stopped.
She had allowed it. She didn’t ask her to stop or want her to stop, but if she had she believed Yoru would have listened. And in that moment, she trusted her with her body.
But it was something they never talked about. Asa was too anxious to bring it up, and if Yoru could read her thoughts and said nothing, then the feeling of not wanting to speak about it must’ve been mutual.
She wasn’t sure if those moments had anything romantic behind them. When they kissed, it was always in the dark of night, only the edges of Yoru’s features visible before she would lean in and their lips would press together. She would lay awake after, wondering what it meant, and if it made her vain to find Yoru beautiful. If it made her a bad person to do this with the war devil. If it was bad she hoped it would happen again the next night.
She tried not to think about it too deeply. After all, if they weren’t talking about it, it was probably nothing more than something to pass the time. Companionship between lonely people. She would not fall in love with a devil.
“If you want the honest answer, I don’t know what is going on. Even if I could explain, I don’t think it would make sense.” She paused. “Do you speak to the human you possessed?”
“No. I did not keep her alive.”
Asa thought back to Yoru telling her she only kept part of her brain functioning because she didn’t understand human society. She had often wondered if there were reasons other than that. It seemed like their situation was unique.
“You’re going to have to trust me, Asa," she changed the topic. "What Yoru has against me isn’t because of anything I’ve specifically done. She just doesn't want her big sister around. You have probably seen similar behavior in humans. I’m sure she didn’t want me knowing about you two either. Which reminds me, before I go, I’d like to tell you something.”
The reality that she was leaving sunk in quickly. There was no time to decide if what she said was the truth. She had spent the entire conversation speaking about Yoru, rather than convincing her to let her out of here.
“I have no intentions of interfering between you and Yoru,” Fami continued, not allowing Asa a chance to respond. What happens is out of my control. But you should be aware that once you have your body back, you would make a strong weapon. Yoru is more attached to you than anyone.”
“She wouldn’t do that,” her tone was flat. She had thought about that only once, before deciding it wouldn’t happen. If they ended up with Chainsaw Man, she would have no use for her as a weapon. If she convinced her to turn her back on the idea, to live a normal life, she wouldn’t need a weapon at all.
“The closer you get to her, the harder it will be for her to resist. I think she will fight it. But it’s a reality you need to think about. Do you want to die with her, or live without her?” She pulled the hat from her head.
“Stop! Don’t leave!” She grabbed her, locking onto her arm. “You can’t say things like that and then disappear! I still need help!”
“Finish off the boy. Don’t keep Yoru waiting. ” She snapped her fingers, her hat dropping to the floor.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Asa leaned over, picking up the hat and clutching it between her fingers. “I’ll get out of here myself.”