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Who would not have thought that the blonde traveler seemed to have a soft spot for the Yashiro Commissioner?
You could only see him smile when he was around Thoma and Ayaka; that was beside the point; a traveler from the unknown world made your master (genuinely) smile at her; why did this hurt you?
Perhaps, Ayato never smiled at his secretary (as someone he worked with for quite a while), or you denied your feelings toward him.
The job as his secretary was not a comfortable duty, and it required being with him almost every time (since Ayato worked nonstop); yes, he would say thank you, but you were sure you had never seen him smile.
About your feelings towards him, it was something you did not like to discuss.
A heavy sigh escaped your lips; your head shifted to their direction, casually chatting—hearing their (somewhat) audible laughs while her floating buddy stomped mid-air. Was it not strange when you attempted to make Ayato get out of his room, but he remained to decline them—giving you the same response: he was loaded with work, and yet she managed to let him out without a second thought?
“What’s wrong, (y/n)?” You heard a familiar voice behind you, preoccupying your thoughts, “If you keep frowning, you might look aged sooner than you anticipated,” Thoma asked worriedly (with a slight teasing), with Ayaka standing beside him.
Ayaka might be the youngest sister of Ayato, but you managed to see her as your best friend throughout your journey with the Kamisato. Albeit you have to preserve professionalism towards her during working hours. And Thoma, he accompanied you when you were new to the state—until now.
You bit your lower lip, refused to smile massively—replaced it with a pout, “Come on, do I look that bad?”
“I’m just joking, dear.” Thoma chortled, handing out your favorite ice cream. “Here. We bought you this when we crossed to your favorite ice cream shop.”
Your eyes glimmered at your dearest dessert, “Thank you!” You did not waver to grab a spoon and melt the sweet flavor in your mouth. You let out an inappropriate moan when the taste touched your tongue. Archon knew how much you missed this ice cream.
Ayaka giggled, staring at you while you appreciated your ice cream; “It’s been a while since you last tasted that, was it not? Ayato must be positioning you in a tricky situation, so I apologized on his behalf.”
How could she maintain the formality when you’re bonding with her as a friend? “No worries, I’m used to it by now.” You shook your head and smiled at your friend. “It’s my job anyway, I signed up for this too.”
“Jokes aside,” Thoma and Ayaka sat on your sides, “Why are you frowning about? Is it because of him?” He jerked his head off to Ayato’s side, affirming who he was talking about.
A sigh escaped your lips; they have always been aware of your peculiar feelings towards the Commissioner. Ayaka and Thoma loved to conclude that some part of you had fallen for Ayato. Nevertheless, you’ve been rational about this—falling in love with the person you're working for was not a great idea. Thus, you're in denial, although there's a voice agreeing with your friends.
You skimmed at their side. Their chat felt like they were never gonna stop. Lumine and Ayato’s bonding seemed tough to interrupt—he’s fascinated by the traveler, for sure. “Well, I wanted to conclude that he has feelings for her.”
“Though, we're not sure about this,” Ayaka commented, gazing at them. “In my opinion, Lumine is truly an intriguing person because she’s extraordinary and from the outside world. Finding someone like her will be out of my league.”
Thoma nodded, “Agreed. But this maybe could satisfy you enough that you have feelings for our lord.” Ayaka glanced at him, approving what he stated.
You exhaled after you peeked at them. Perhaps, you eventually agreed with what they’re trying to imply. You're just being logical, and it seemed forbidden (what you thought) to like your master. Archons, if only you can control my emotions. You thought, desperate to twist your feelings. Nevertheless, you knew that Ayato was out of your league too. You frowned at your thought; it would be better to like the Traveler that’s out of his league than someone who was not in his position.
Your eyesight returned to your friends with pleading, “I have to be rational and careful about this.” You don't want to quit your job because of your feelings because if you thought about it, it’s a dubious reason—hell it’s an unreasonable and stupid reason! Hence, you're going struggle and hurt yourself, or quit your position for a childish purpose.
They had no idea how much you desperately wanted Hanahaki disease to exist in your world. Dying would be a suitable choice in your situation, was it not?
“Stay strong,” Thoma pouted, he wrapped his arms around you for reassurance. “You know you're not gonna blame yourself for this, right?”
“It wasn't your fault,” Ayaka added, smiled at you for comfort, and patted your head. “Thus, I’ll be supporting your determination if you have decided to retire. Although it's a pity, your decisions are for yourself, and I respect them as your best friend.”
You cannot understand how the community made their assumptions about Ayaka—and most of them were not decent to hear at all. Your lips pressed a thin line, you're grateful for her because Ayaka never looked down at you despite her position being unreachable.
“But can you please not leave?” Thoma relaxed his head on your shoulders, lingering his arms on you.
A laugh escaped your lips, resting your hand on his head. If only you could like Thoma rather than Ayato, it would be bearable, and the chances are high. You silently blamed your feelings, can you stop liking the wrong people?
“Leave where?” You heard a cough from your back, causing your breath to hitch. The three of you saw the Commissioner and the Traveler with her companion standing behind you—witnessed their solace to you.
“Oh no, are you planning to leave Kamisato state?” Traveler commented, forming a slight frown on her lips. She’s so pretty, you complimented her in your head, I couldn't blame Ayato for liking her.
The direction of his head was on the traveler's, yet he diverted them to you, “Leaving?” His azure eyes welcomed you with a peculiar stare: “You’re resigning as my assistant, hm?”
You swallowed the lump in your throat; the voice of your master was cold as the fireless hearth. Before, you’ve been standing beside him—observing the people frightened of his menaces. You never thought you'd encounter his deathly stares that could follow a threat at any moment. And now, you’re experiencing it yourself, wondering what will be his threat.
“Not at all, my lord.” You shook your head, disagreeing with the Yashiro Commissioner. “It was only a silly joke, but take heart, I’ll still serve the Kamisato as I said.”
You glanced at Thoma and Ayaka and inserted a helping stare into them; to avoid laughing, you exhaled from your nose and bit your lower lip to prevent yourself from smiling. Thoma winked at you, knowing he got your back.
“Don’t worry, milord. Everything is alright; milady and I were telling jokes to (y/n).” Thoma smiled brightly at Ayato. “They're seemed down when we saw them.”
Your smile quickly turned into a deadly glare; you wanted to believe that he accidentally slipped, yet Thoma had his intentions, and it was done purposely. There was this urge to squeeze and ask him why he said it.
You pressed your lips together and wet them before you faced your master once more. You met his eyes, considering that he might be observing you for how long. However, this was a foolish thought, thus you disregarded your assumption. Hence, you broke eye contact with the Commissioner and glanced at the Traveler.
“It would be a pity if you would leave,” the Traveler’s buddy sighed. “I love the way you cook, surely, Paimon would love to come here most of the time to eat your meals!” She booted her feet in the air, but this time, it was because of cheerfulness.
“It seems you like (y/n) because she cooks delicious meals rather than because of who she really is, Paimon.” Lumine rolled her eyes, finding it ridiculous about her companion’s comment. Lumine dealt with it casually, it seemed like she’d been dealing with this side of Paimon for a while now that she could handle it.
A chuckle escaped your lips, “I would love to cook you more food Paimon,” you grinned, appreciating her compliment. “It was a privilege. Just drop here any time.”
You enjoyed the traveler’s company including her talkative fairy-like friend, but something told you that you don't want them to stay inside the Kamisato state all the time. Maybe, because Ayato would most likely accompany the traveler while Paimon was enjoying the food you made. In short, Ayato and Lumine would be spending more time together.
And the idea made your stomach twist, and it was making you sick. Questions rose inside your head; was this jealousy, or did she make you insecure? You had no reason to be jealous, after all, you were just his assistant—nothing more.
(I knew admitting my feelings towards Ayato was a bad idea.)
“So, Traveler, what would be your plans? Would you like to stay here for dinner?” Ayaka smiled cheekily. Your eyes shifted to her, but somehow, you had the urge to glance at your master—to check him silently.
His eyes were blankly gazing at you, yet he then looked at his sister to listen to their dialogue. The sight made you blink, unbelievably. You don't recall doing something wrong, but he acted as you did. What was wrong with him?
“Sorry, I’ll be heading to Sumeru because I’m not yet finished with my investigation there.” Lumine shut her eyes and sighed, visually showing that she was tired already. “I’m still battling, and I’m not gonna depart the nation without answers to my questions from the Dendro Archon.”
You smiled softly, “I admire you for being strong.” A thought slipped in that Ayato and her would perfectly match because of who she is. Lumine had been struggling, yet she chose not to give up. “Please keep in mind that resting is okay, but never give up on discovering the truth. The Archons would surely make a way.”
Lumine smiled. She relaxed after the assuring words you expressed. This assisted her more than you expected; it helped her to bring herself back on her track. “Thank you, I’ll remember that.”
After they declared their leave and bid goodbyes, you heard a deep voice near you. “A pity,” the Yashiro Commissioner had finally spoken. “Safe travels, Lumine. Kamisato State is always open for you.”
You loved sunsets. The luminous rays of the sun's leisurely dusk marked the end of the day. The symphony colors of the day and the night form a gradient pink—showing a melodic pink sky. You and your friends were thankful to watch the magnificent scenery, but the sight was restricted to the people who managed to find time to appreciate the sunsets.
You desired that he was one of them, watching with you.
“He said he was hungry,” Thoma darted at Ayato’s door after he shut the door and proceeded to do his work. The three of you were eating dinner together when the Traveler left. “The traveler must have had this odd impact on him that he tended to ditch his work to spend time with her, but he can't eat dinner to sustain himself.”
A frown slowly appeared on your face, staring at his door. You were supposed to assist him, yet you requested to finish your dinner first before assisting him. Firstly, he did not talk to you or make small talk—not even eye contact after he stared at you coldly. And now, he said he was hungry and dodged eating with everyone.
“That man..” Ayaka sighed and shook her head in dissatisfaction, followed by a bite of her food. “Did you find it odd? Ayato was peculiarly quiet earlier. Did something happen?”
“Or maybe, he was the one who got threatened after he caught us talking about (y/n)’s possible resignation.” Thoma shrugged with a hint of smug on his lips, sipping his favorite soup that Lumine brought for him from Mondstadt. Thoma gazed at his soup with a shimmer in his eyes, “Good lord, I missed this soup—Lumine is so thoughtful!”
Ayaka giggled, and you rolled your eyes at Thoma’s assumption. You returned your stare to Ayato's door; Thoma's remark did not concern you, but more on how he was doing.
Without hesitation, you grabbed his meal on the table and made your way to his office. You knocked three times before you slid his door—only to greet Ayato focused on his papers. Ayato didn’t look up to you. Instead, he resumed working as if you were not there.
What’s wrong with him?
(What if Thoma is right—)
Shut. Up.
The moon leisurely greeted you, glowing pale in the sky, comforting you with the quiet yet comforting ambiance—afraid to break the tranquility. Your eyes scrutinized him but did not bother eye-contacting you; why did your voice suddenly vanish like the mist in the morning?
You swallowed, placing his foot on the nearest table, “My lord, I brought you food. You mentioned that you were hungry earlier—I suggest you should take a meal before proceeding to your work.” The stillness once again occurred in the atmosphere after the disappearance of your voice. You tried to maintain your professionalism yet were confused—where did the awkwardness come from?
He paused his pen from writing, “Where did the thought of resigning come from?”
What?
Your breath hitched at his inquiry. Your heart seemed to thump against your ribcage viciously after his question, “Pardon me?”
“Where did the thought of resigning come from?” he repeated, but this time, Ayato dared to meet your eyes with his azurites—piercing daggers through your soul as if it was against his will for you to resign.
“My lord, it was only a thought from Thoma and Ayaka. I’m not going to quit, my lord.” You assured him.
Although this assurance won’t last if these feelings continue to grow. It would kill you to see Ayato happy with someone else, knowing Ayato will never look at you like how you desired him to be.
(How I wish Hanahaki disease exists in this world.)
However, you knew it would be difficult to be in a situation to select whether to die because of this one-sided love or to withdraw the flower inside you to survive regardless of exchanging your emotions.
At this point, you will most likely let yourself die.
“Hm? You’re in a relationship with the housekeeper, (y/n)?” He asked curtly, stepping towards you as Ayato maintained eye contact.
Your jaw dropped, eyebrows furrowed, and your eyes scowled. “With all due respect, my lord, but why does this matter?”
His eyes darkened, “So you’re together?”
“Why does this matter?” The feeling of vexation arose.
“You're my assistant. It’s my right to know these about you,”
“You have no right to control my life when it's personal.” You gritted your teeth, glowering at Ayato.
He exhaled, attempting to regain his composure. Perhaps he acknowledged what he had done, and it made you confused—what is up with him? You eyed him as he shifted his head on the floor, “But do you like him?”
And everything fell away again; the stillness was loud, unhurriedly eating the ambiance—uncertain what to answer. You never liked Thoma (you wish you did so that things would be easier for you), and even if you do, maybe your mouth will still prefer to disagree.
“Does this concern you?” You retorted with an interrogation, inspecting your master and his following actions. “Why do you care?”
“Yes, this does concern me.”
Your eyes expanded at his response as you disregarded the pleasant throbbing in your chest. The surprised look yet turned into a glare. What was he trying to tell you? Was he attempting to get your hopes up?
“I don’t know, (y/n),” he added as if he could hear your thoughts. “It makes me insane witnessing you near him instead of me.”
His head on his right refused to look at you.
“It was all right at first, I wanted you to be close with the people I’m close with and who are important to me. Yet the view of you with him, almost all the time, destroyed me. My mind became a spiraling abyss, questioning myself—would you look at me the same way?”
Your heart continued ramming against your ribcage and skipped a heartbeat. “I do—well, that’s what the two said.” You shrugged, not bothering to leave your eyes on him—who was still refusing to look at you. “The traveler was the only one who can let you out of your office without a second thought. Perhaps, that’s enough of a conclusion that you like her, don't you?”
His eyes now met yours, filled with emotions. You have never seen Ayato look at you this way, and your stomach started to churn. “I’m sorry, the timing was impeccable. The people loaded me with work that required priority when you attempted to invite me to rest and eat. I’ve been asking the Traveler for advice too.” He chuckled, perhaps to enlighten the atmosphere.
“So, um,” he bit his lower lip, refusing to look at you—again. “You don’t like Thoma?”
A smile bloomed on your face as you shook your head. “I’m yours, my lord.”
His gaze softened, sweetly smiling at you. Damn, you love this sight of him—the sight of the Commissioner being vulnerable to you. Nonetheless, the sweet smile curved into a smug smile. “Hm? Would you devote to that promise for a lifetime?”
Your smile beamed widely, “Yes, Ayato. But before you continue working, eat your food please.”
“Only if you’re going to feed me,” his smirk didn’t leave his eyes.
“I would, but I’ll clean up my mess first outside, okay?” You moved forward and planted a kiss on his right cheek.
Ayato was surprised, heat rose on his face, yet he tried to suppress it. “Only if you give me another kiss," he smiled, pointing his finger at his cheek.
Your smile lingered—oh, you love this side of him. "Request granted." You giggled, kissing him again on his cheek, but it's extended this time.
The stars twinkled with a full moon in the sight of beaming bright, humming lightly as you smiled cheekily before completely leaving his room. You entered his room with a heavy and concerned heart, and you left filled with butterflies and pleasure.
Your two friends that were waiting for you, eyed you suspiciously, a smile painted on their faces. You raised your hands with thumbs up, confirming their assumptions that everything is now clear for you.
If you were to have hanahaki, the abscission had now stopped.
A question related to the disease popped into your mind; would there be a different level of relief after knowing that you were no longer one-sided?