Work Text:
Just sitting in his desk during Math class, Tooru looks ethereal.
The afternoon sunlight falls upon his skin and makes his eyes seem to shine. His hair is a color Hajime doesn't even know how to begin to describe; all he knows is that it's perfect. It's soft and it sticks out in precisely all the right angles. He thinks a lot of people believe that Tooru spends an awful lot of time styling it, but they're wrong. His hair is naturally pretty because Tooru is unfair.
He's all long legs and tall stature and pale skin and charming smiles, and Hajime just doesn't see how this could be considered just.
He must have been looking for long because Tooru glances at him questioningly. "Now, now, Iwa-chan. It's rude to stare."
The response is immediate, programmed, ingrained by years of togetherness. "Shut up, Shittykawa."
"So mean, Iwa-chan!" Tooru says mock-offendedly. But he's smiling and Hajime's heart stutters.
They walk home together that day, as they have since forever.
Hajime thinks of all the time they've spent together and tries to pinpoint when exactly he had fallen in love with his idiot best friend. He comes up blank, though, because maybe he's always loved Tooru. Maybe there wasn't a time he hadn't and he's just been too dumb to realize.
He knows the taller boy is watching him out of the corner of his eye, so it doesn't surprise him when Tooru asks. "What's on your mind, Iwa-chan?"
"I was just thinking about how big of a dumbass you are," he answers. Half-truths, half-truths.
"Mm," Tooru hums. He knows Hajime is lying, but he doesn't push it. "Well, let's go to my house today! I bought a new alien movie and I'm dying to watch it!"
Hajime rolls his eyes. "Of course," he scoffs. "Alien movies. What's new?"
The other boy sticks his tongue out. "Whatever, Iwa-chan. I know you like them anyway."
He looks away, neither confirming nor denying the statement, and Tooru laughs.
This is normal, going to each other's house every Friday and having sleepovers. This is tradition, watching movies and playing video games and just hanging out. This is what best friends do.
Best friends don't fall in love with each other.
They spend the night watching the alien movie, which is terrible in Hajime's opinion, but it makes Tooru happy so he keeps his mouth shut. They waste the next few hours playing a video game Tooru sucks at but Hajime lets him win sometimes anyway.
Soon, the exhaustion of the week hits them and they retire for the night.
Their sleeping arrangement is just as it has always been– Tooru's futon just about a feet away from his own. But tonight, Hajime hates the distance, hates the space separating them. The lights are out and the world seems to still as they settle down.
"Good night, Iwa-chan," yawns a sleepy Tooru after a few moments.
Hajime closes his eyes, fakes his sleep, pretends like his pulse isn't racing and his heart isn't pounding in his ears. He pretends like he doesn't want this, doesn't want to sleep to that voice every night, doesn't want to wake up to it every morning.
Hajime pretends because it's easier.
It's easier than admitting just how much he's fallen for Tooru.
The moon is bright against the dark velvet of the sky. Stars are not only carefully pasted on the heavens but also on the ceiling of Tooru's room. The corners of Hajime's lips turn upward into a small smile.
The clock ticks as sleep escapes him, and the seconds turn into minutes and then minutes turn into hours and then he feels detached. It's 2 in the morning when he sits up, listening to the even breaths that fell out of Tooru's lips to make sure he was still asleep.
Hajime doesn't feel very much like himself.
So when he senses his hand reaching out and itching to touch his best friend's face, he doesn't stop himself. He was close, so close, and no one would ever know anyway. He just wanted to know if Tooru's cheek was as soft as it looked, just wanted to know how it would feel to touch him without the pretense of anger or annoyance, just wanted to know how it would feel to kiss him good night.
He was close, so close, just a breath away, when the other boy shifts in his sleep.
Hajime pulls back like he was burned. Eyes wide and heart racing, he fumbles backward, falling onto his futon. Honestly, he thinks at one point he stops breathing. Then the moment is over and he puts his head in his hands, the reality and enormity and certainty of his feelings crashing into him. Terrifying him.
He squeezes his eyes shut and pulls at his hair, the pain momentarily distracting him from the disaster that had almost happened. He clenches his jaw and he tries his hardest not to cry. But the tears fall and he knows he's a lost cause.
Not for the first time, Hajime thinks Oikawa Tooru is unfair. How can someone be so calm when the person right next to them is a fucking mess? How can he sleep so peacefully when Hajime is losing his mind?
He almost laughs, an acidic taste at the back of his mouth.
Tooru then chooses to shift again, bringing Hajime's attention to him. He laughs now. Bitterness and heartache are evident as the sound passes through his lips. Moonlight shines on Tooru's sleeping form, lighting up his face and creating shadows that accentuate his features.
Tooru looks ethereal.
Looking at him, Hajime feels like he is suffocating. There's no denying the way he felt for his best friend, which made it all the more difficult to go through everyday pretending he was fine.
Tomorrow, he thinks, everything has to go back to normal.
But tonight is a different story.
Tonight, Iwaizumi Hajime breaks.