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He looks at the two sleeping peacefully beside him. He should tell them. He wants to take them with him, when this farce finally implodes. Rebecca too, perhaps. If she can only overcome her attachment to societal morals, she could be so much more than she’s pigeonholed herself into.
Chris and Jill, though… he doesn’t want to let them perish with this shambling town. It’s far too undignified a death for such wonderful creatures.
He can’t tell them, of course. They’re far too idealistic to save themselves; they think they can save Raccoon City. He’ll have to take them away before he makes his move and betrays Umbrella. Perhaps a vacation is in order. Of course they both have time saved up, and he can steal them away and appeal to them when they’re far from home. It will take some finesse, of course, for them to believe that he’s been working to bring Umbrella down from within, but then, who would want to believe they’ve been sharing the bed of a bioterrorist? No, they’ll believe him.
More difficult will be convincing them not to go to the authorities. There are plenty of reasons not to, of course. The easiest way to go about it will be to take advantage of their preexisting mistrust of authority. Irons, for example. It shouldn’t surprise them to find out that he’s been in Umbrella’s pocket for ages, or worse, that half of the United States government is.
Worst of all - the part of this that makes his gut clench and makes him want to run now - is the fact that he cares for them. He cares deeply for this little patchwork team, even those he isn’t sleeping with. They care . They trust him. When he tells Chris and Jill, they will trust him implicitly, because he is their captain and because they’ve all saved one another several times over.
He doesn’t deserve that kind of trust. That kind of devotion. He wants to be a god, but to be confronted with what it means to be loved, he can only flinch away from it, to hide in the shadows of this facade he’s created. Is he hiding from them, or himself? Does it matter? Potential, he has so much potential, he tells himself. But, so do they. What will they do when they realize it? Will they leave him? When they realize what his plan is, what his ultimate goal is, in bringing down Umbrella? He doesn’t take risks , but this- this is a massive risk. He’d never meant to take it, really. He’d meant to use them and then abandon them when the time came to enact his ultimate revenge on Umbrella. He hadn’t expected them to work their way beneath his guard and lodge themselves like bullets against his heart, too close to excise. To take them from him now would kill him, and he wants to hate them for it. Instead, he strokes through the fine bristle of Chris’ hair and lets Jill tighten her grasp on his arm.
“Go to sleep,” she says firmly despite the sleep roughening her voice, and he closes his eyes. Tomorrow is a new day. He can make his decisions then.