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“Blimey Peter, You have to get up. We have to do something for Remus. It’s his 14th bloody birthday.”
“Sirius? It’s like… really early. Like six… it’s Saturday.”
A frustrated James and Sirius stood looking over Peter’s bed, a Noise-blocking Charm around them. Remus was still asleep, but no one wanted to risk the surprise they planned being ruined early.
“Alright, come on,” James groaned, attempting to pull Peter out of his bed by the arm. He succeeded, but only partly- somehow, he managed to fall over onto the floor, and take Peter with him. They collapsed into a heap on the floor, while Sirius doubled over with laughter.
“James, mate, you should see your face right now. Hilarious! Comedy at its finest!” Sirius said through his laughter. James and Peter managed to pull themselves off the floor, both embarrassed by their collective lack of grace.
“Real kind of you to laugh at us, Sirius. I’m hurt. Come on, we need to go to breakfast now and start on our plan.” James said sarcastically, making his way to the door.
“Let me put on my robes, please,” murmured Peter.
Sirius nodded, rolling his eyes with irritation unfair to Peter.
After Peter had dressed, the three boys found their way down to the Great Hall, where only a few students studying for exams dared to be up so early. It was still dark, and the enchanted ceiling reflected that with the orange-ish light of dawn. The three of them sat down in the same spots they always did.
“Sho, whaght do we wahnt to do for Remush?” Sirius asked through a mouthful of blueberry porridge.
Peter pointedly looked away and made a retching noise at the disgusting sight of Sirius’ half-chewed food.
James, who had the grace to swallow before talking, replied: “Get him some food, I suppose. We can put on that Bowie record he really likes, and smuggle some food from the kitchens. It’ll be grand.”
“Remus likes pumpkin fizz and dark chocolate, right? I know a house-elf, Mitsy, she would be willing to give us some,” said Peter.
“I’ve sheen her. I don’ch shuppose she’sh your coushin, Pete? Looksch jusht like you,” Sirius teased, still with a mouthful of porridge.
“Oy, bugger off,” Peter exclaimed, playfully punching him in the shoulder. Sirius, not one to take a punch, reached into his bowl, took out a dollop of porridge, and smeared it in Peter’s hair.
The birthday plans were temporarily derailed by Peter’s immediate need to shower.
— — — — — —
Sometime later, they had all managed to find their way to the kitchens, avoiding Remus like the plague so as to not give anything away. They stood in the hallway, lit brightly by torches and adorned by paintings of various foods.
“I wish instead of tickling the pear to get into the kitchen, we tickled a banana. It would be much funnier.”
“Shut up, Sirius,” Peter interjected.
“Why couldn’t I just sneak down here with the invisibility cloak? It would be easier.”
“Pete told you, James, It’s not that difficult to just ask for the food.”
“Just asking instead of sneaking around is against my personal moral code.”
“Shut up!”
“I’ve got it,” Peter said, pulling the portrait open.
The three boys clambered together through the opening, only to be greeted by the shocked face of Lily Evans.
“Lily!” James exclaimed, his face almost as red as Lily’s wispy hair. His eyes lit up like he had come up with a brilliant idea and he turned to his friends. “Lily!” he exclaimed again, his voice going up nearly an octave.
“Uh. Sorry, Evans. Don’t know what he’s on about.” Sirius replied, looking back and forth between the two in clear confusion.
James grabbed Peter and Remus, taking them back through the portrait, presumably to share his newest great idea.
“Let’s invite Lily! To the party! Her and Remus are friends!” James exclaimed joyfully.
“Of course, she comes to the party, and then somehow, you convince yourself that she’ll agree to play spin the bottle and snog you! But then, you go first, and when you spin the bottle it lands on Peter and you quit the game. And then everyone else decides they might as well quit too. Again!” Sirius responded.
“That was at Lily’s own birthday party, Sirius-”
“Playing spin the bottle was your idea!”
“I know you have complicated feelings about Lily, but-” Peter tried to say.
“She’s a goody-two-shoes,” Sirius interrupted.
“Careful, that’s my future wife,” James said with a cheeky grin. Sirius made a loud vomiting noise in response.
“She’s Remus’s friend! He’d want her there. She’s coming along. Sirius, keep it to yourself, James… keep it in your pants,” Peter said with an air of finality. Sirius nodded, and so did James, who had turned beet-red again.
Yet again, the trio walked through the portrait into the kitchen. Lily still stood there, now holding a broom and sweeping a spot of the floor that didn’t appear to be dirty.
“Lily… are you working?” Peter asked.
Lily’s face flushed. “Course. What else would I be doing with this broom?”
“Lying to us,” Sirius responded.
“Fine, I wanted the leftover pumpkin pasties. Alright, Black?” Lily snapped.
“Perfectly alright.”
“Lily, you’re invited to Remus’s birthday party!” James said enthusiastically.
Lily gave a strained grin and thumbs-up before nodding. James thought her smile was beautiful. Sirius thought it was absurdly toothy. Peter really couldn’t have been more indifferent.
“I’m going to go get the snacks,” Peter said, wandering off.
“Well, I’m going to the loo,” Sirius muttered, before leaving the kitchens again.
That left James and Lily on their own. Lily refused to make eye contact, choosing to look around at the warm, atmospheric room. An iron, candle-lit chandelier lit the room beautifully. It smelled like pumpkin and something else. Something that reminded Lily of the forest.
“It smells beautiful in here. Are those tables cedar?” Lily asked, finally looking at James.
“My birthday is in a couple of weeks! You know what I want?” James said with an overabundance of energy.
“Please don’t say a kiss,” insisted Lily.
“Oh, uh, no, I wanted help with that Transfiguration essay McGonagalls been warning us about,” James replied. Peter’s warning to keep it in his trousers echoed pointlessly in his head. “You’re quite smart. But, I mean, if you wanted a kiss-”
“Sod off, James.”
The pair stayed silent for a few moments before James spoke up.
“I think you’re right, by the way.”
“About?”
“The wood. Smells like cedar in here.” As if to make his point, James found the nearest table, crouched down, and pressed his nose to it. “It’s cedar.”
“Barmy, that one,” Peter remarked, having appeared next to Lily silently. She laughed.
“I’ve got pumpkin fizz, dark chocolate, butterbeer, and,” he paused. “Pumpkin pasties.”
Lily grinned with delight.
"I suppose we need gifts next, don't we?"
— — — — — —
After lunch, the foursome decided to split into two groups so that they could each find a present. James and Sirius went to Filch’s supply of confiscated items, while Peter and Lily set off to search the lost and found.
Filch’s office was a small room that smelled vaguely of mothballs. Drawers and cabinets lined the wall in an organized fashion. Each compartment was labeled with what it contained: “explosives,” “cheating quills,” “miscellaneous banned items.” Sirius and James rummaged through the bins, trying to find a gift that perfectly suited Remus.
“I mean, Lily is pretty enough,” Sirius said, digging through a bin of firecrackers, “but if you kissed her she’d probably give you hepatitis or something.”
James stopped his search to look at Sirius in confusion. “Hepatitis? Really?” He asked incredulously.
“Yeah. You snog her, and you think it’s amazing, and then you wake up with sores on your bollocks,” Sirius stated.
“Is that actually how it works?” James questioned, looking skeptical and feeling a little queasy.
“Reckon so, yeah."
“Yikes…”
“Not like you could snog her, though. Even if she wanted to, you’d have to get a stool or something just to get your mouth that high up,” said Sirius, smirking.
“Hey! I’m going to be wildly tall in a few years. You’ve seen my dad!” James argued.
Sirius laughed, though he supposed James was probably right. He was sure that someday James would be “wildly tall,” and tower over him, but it wasn’t really his fault. He could always blame genetics. Inbreeding probably didn’t pass down the tallness genes.
The two boys kept searching, gradually making a mess of Filch’s office along the way. They both relied on the assumption that Filch had no way of knowing it ever could have been them. Neither realized that they were quickly becoming the teacher’s first guess when a prank was pulled in the hallways. Since the ever-mischievous Prewett brothers had already graduated, they were the easiest scapegoats.
“I think I’ve got something!” Sirius exclaimed. He held up a bottle of Filaharp’s Multi-Coloured Ink. The iridescent bottle glimmered between turquoise and red, catching the light and sparkling. James grabbed it from Sirius.
“Perfect! It’s brand new too! Wonder why he ever confiscated this?” He remarked.
“I bet he was having a bad day, because,” Sirius said, pausing for comedic timing, “He’s been unlucky in love.”
James snorted with laughter. “I say we set him up with Madam Hooch!” he exclaimed.
“I say Madam Pomfrey!” Sirius said through giggles.
— — — — — —
The Gryffindor common room was a much warmer and fuzzier place to be searching for presents. Old and comfortable armchairs, fire ablaze, games of wizarding chess always happening. Peter was always happy to call it his home. Unfortunately, Remus called it his home as well.
“Peter! Peter, it’s him! Hide the bag of food!” Lily whisper-shouted in a panic. She had spotted Remus coming back into the common room from one of his many trips to the library. Peter could think of nothing better than to hide the bag under the nearest armchair.
“Lily? Peter? What are you doing?” Remus asked. Peter stood up fast at the same time Lily moved to try and shield him from Remus’s sight. “Looking for something under the couch?” Peter and Lily crashed into each other, with Peter hitting his head on Lily’s bony elbow.
“I’m going to be covered in bruises by the day’s end, Merlin,” he muttered.
“Happy birthday Remy!” Lily exclaimed. She threw her arms up and embraced him, blocking his line of sight enough that Peter could get to the stairs without being noticed.
“Lily? What’s going on?” Remus asked, with suspicion in his voice.
“Sirius set off a dungbomb in your dormitory. I think Peter’s trying to get rid of the smell. It’s lingering,” Lily said matter-of-factly. “I wouldn’t go into there if I were you.” Remus looked conflicted.
“No, I should probably help. I sleep there too,” Remus stated.
“No, no, it’s your birthday! You’re free of all responsibilities!” Lily insisted, grabbing Remus by the shoulders to keep him from moving forward. She hadn’t noticed before, but he was taller than her now.
“I am?
“Yeah! Now, go read a book somewhere. I hear the lake is great this time of year!”
“But, Lily, it’s March.”
“You should go to the astronomy tower then. Best be on your way, don’t come back until dinner is over!”
Remus seemed to like this idea enough, or he hated it enough to leave the room the second he heard it. Hopefully, Lily’s plan would work and he wouldn’t be back until later, but he was a difficult person to predict.
Lily grabbed the hidden bag of food before quickly running to the lost and found. She didn’t have much time, but with a quick glance over it, she noticed a Remembrall. Quickly snatching it up, she ran over to the boys’ dormitory. She burst through the door, expecting to see only Peter, but somehow James and Sirius had gotten there too while she wasn’t looking. Peter was setting up the snacks on a makeshift table that was really Sirius’s trunk with a large cloth over it. Sirius worked on finding the Bowie record Remus liked among his large collection, and James practiced a spell to produce confetti out of his wand. A large, sparkling banner was strung across Remus’s bedposts. It read “Happy Birhday Remus!”
“James? Sirius? When did you two get here?” Lily questioned. James shrugged, while Sirius went off on a tangent about the adventure they had gone on to avoid Filch. Lily rolled her eyes. She wished she hadn’t asked.
“Your birthday banner is missing a letter,” she pointed out. Sirius rolled his eyes.
“We know, Evans. Not every spell is as perfect as yours are,” he replied, annoyed.
“Stop bickering, we’re missing Remus,” Peter interjected. Sirius and Lily started paying attention, and James looked up from his weak confetti spell. Lily realized that she had chased him away with a fake dungbomb story, and her brain short-circuited a little bit.
“I may have told him that a dungbomb exploded in here and he should go read his book in the astronomy tower,” Lily murmured.
“Evans!” Sirius exclaimed in indignation. Even James didn’t look too happy.
“I’ll find him, I’ll find him, promise!” Lily vowed, holding up her pinky finger as if to swear on it, but she dashed out of the room before any further vows could take place.
Lily soon found herself in the Gryffindor common room again, only this time she was eager to leave. She tried to open the door to the portrait, only for someone on the other side to open it toward her and hit her across the stomach.
“Ow! Ow, ow ow,” Lily hissed.
Remus stepped through the doorway with concern written all over his face.
“Lily, I’m so sorry, you-” He tried to say.
“No, no, come with me, Remy, finding you was so much easier than expected,” Lily said, grabbing Remus by the arm and pulling him forcefully across the room and to the stairs. He couldn’t fathom what she was doing. He wondered if she was trying to punish him by taking him to a room that smelt like dungbombs.
Lily guided him up the stairs, one hand clasping his arm and one covering his eyes. It was an awkward and slow journey, but both managed to make it up the stairs without grievous injuries. Eventually, they stopped, in front of a room none other than Remus’s dormitory. Lily took her hand off Remus’s arm to open the door and push him through.
With his eyes no longer covered, Remus was free to take in the scene before him. He noticed the banner, the food, and the unwrapped presents, but he paid the most attention to the four friends before him.
“There’s our birthday boy!” Sirius almost shouted, throwing his arm around Remus’s shoulder. Remus grinned and pulled him into a fierce hug. Sirius laughed, clearly taken aback, but he didn’t mind at all.
Remus pulled away from the hug, only to get greeted with James’ new favorite spell.
“ Chartula! ” James exclaimed, blasting meager amounts of confetti into Remus’s hair.
“You’re all the best, really, thanks! You’ve even got the music I like!” Remus laughed.
“I know, it’s your favorite, Wiggy Starman or whatever. Love this album,” Peter said, sounding almost sincere. Remus and Sirius burst into laughter.
“The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders From Mars,” the pair said in unison.
“Long title, innit?”
— — — — — —
Keep your 'lectric eye on me, babe
Put your ray gun to my head
Press your space face close to mine, love
Freak out in a moonage daydream, oh yeah