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Chapter Text

Tonight, the rain was falling harder than on any other night.

The clouds were piled up in the sky all over Mondstadt, not allowing a single ray of light to hit the ground. The storm was raging, the wind roaring so loudly that citizens had to hide in their homes and close their shops, choosing to stay in the comfort of their living rooms with their families until the rain ceased and the sun returned.

While people were keeping warm in their homes and the favonius knights were doing their usual work in the comfort of the headquarters, Kaeya found himself running in the freezing rain being severely injured.

His uniform was stained with blood and torn in several places due to the earlier confrontation. His breathing was ragged, oxygen was barely making it to his lungs and every time it did his chest burned with pain. As he limped slightly from the burn on his leg, one hand was stuck to his right eye, where his usual eye patch had disappeared. His opponent's sword had come to dig into the skin near the eye, leaving him in excruciating pain. Blood from that area began to fall from his cheek like a tear, staining his hand in the process.

His whole body was full of cuts and burns, every step he took was a stabbing pain that ran down his spine giving him chills. Every time his feet touched the wet earth, little groans of pain escaped his mouth involuntarily, the clothes rubbing against the wounds with every movement made him writhe in pain.

But despite all the pain his body was feeling, the fear seeping into his mind was even more.

He was running away, his legs were begging for a rest but he didn't listen, he just kept running as far as his injured body would allow.

Kaeya was running away from Diluc, his brother.

He feared that Diluc would come running back with his sword in his hands ready to finish the job, taking advantage of the moment that Kaeya was weak and without the strength to defend himself.

He did not know at what moment his tears began to fall from his healthy eye, the incessant rain mixed with the dirt on his clothes and the blood running down his body, he could barely feel his heart pounding in his chest even though he deeply wished it to stop.

It all happened so fast. He went to the mansion determined to tell his brother the truth, but as the words came out of his mouth the other's expression changed to one of horror. At some point he interrupted him, drawing his great sword and glaring at him in fury as his vision flared with rage.

Their fight was directed into the open air, their swords clashed but Kaeya's grip indicated an absence of desire to properly defend himself. Diluc drew closer to him as the fire of his sword heated his skin with each approach increasing the fear of the blue-haired.

"Come on! Defend yourself dammit!" Diluc shouted as his sword swung at Kaeya, he didn't know how much longer he could stand to look at the traitor in front of his eyes.

"Diluc, let me explain!-" Kaeya replied, weakly responding to Diluc's attack with his light sword.

"Shut up! I don't want to listen to you!" His sword came up sharply, and Kaeya was too slow to avoid it.

A pained scream escaped Kaeya's throat as the blade's edge tore the skin over his eye in one swift motion. His body fell sharply to the earth, and his hand instinctively rose to cover the fresh wound as his brother approached slowly, still holding the sword in his hands.

Diluc raised the sword with both hands above his head, his face mixed with various emotions but conveying pure pain at being betrayed by the person he trusted the most. Kaeya opened his other eye, seeing his brother preparing to kill him, he loosened his grip on his sword and ducked his head, fully accepting his fate.

But, the attack never came.

A few seconds of silence later, Kaeya knew something was wrong. He looked up, and was surprised when he noticed an ice shield surrounding him and a cryo vision appeared in his free hand.

From there, everything fell apart for Kaeya when he understood that the death he was looking for was not going to be possible. At least not for now.
Diluc abandoned his attack position and his sword relaxed at his knuckles, but his gaze was still just as displeased as he reflected Kaeya's body in his burning eyes.

"Get out of here, and never show yourself in Mondstadt again, traitor." He uttered, his voice full of venom and disgust as his eyes narrowed in an intimidating manner. "If you ever decide to come back, I will finish what I started."

Kaeya watched as Diluc walked away from the battlefield heading for the mansion again. He found it hard to breathe, his mind was made scrambled with dark thoughts but strangely, his chest was empty, as if he couldn't feel anything besides his cuts on his body.

His eye wandered to the vision that had just arrived, he looked at it just as Diluc had just looked at him. With disgust, unwanted. He considered throwing it and hiding it in the dirt with his trembling hands, but the idea was instantly dismissed, and eventually he forced his body to rise from the ground and run to save himself from his brother's flaming sword.

His legs ached, his entire body was covered in cuts and burns that made every movement he made another thought of death. If Kaeya died tonight, covered in blood and his body lying in the wet earth from the raging storm, would anyone notice he was gone? Would anyone care enough to go to the trouble of arranging a funeral? He has lost everything, he lost the most important people in his life. His adoptive father died in the arms of Diluc who now doubts that he still considers him part of his family after his betrayal.

Everything Kaeya has done is unforgivable. From the day he was born to this day, he continues to disappoint those still living, even those who are dead.

Then, Kaeya pauses to think about Diluc's words. His legs slowed down as he realized he had nowhere to go. Was he really welcome in Mondstadt? He still had time to run anywhere else before Diluc returned and told everyone his secret. If he tried twice as hard maybe his legs would allow him to reach Dragonspine and if he felt lucky his destination could be Liyue, and even if the archons took pity on a sinner like him, he could receive the arms of death peacefully and painlessly.

Anyway he has no one waiting for him in Mondstadt, if he simply disappeared without leaving any note or without saying goodbye the city will not lose much, in fact, they will gain the loss of a sinful and useless knight like Kaeya. This time, his footsteps slowed down completely, standing in the rain and staring blankly at the entrance to the city.
The incessant drops falling from the clouds began to feel absent in his body. His mind was distracting him, the scenarios of the fight he had with Diluc a few minutes ago were hiding in the back of his head as if he was trying to deny what had just happened. The open wounds that burned with deep pain stopped burning, and the cryo vision that his hand clenched so tightly was forgotten.

He didn't know if the screams his ears barely managed to filter out were the same screams he heard as a child in his home nation when the archons destroyed everything or if it was really someone trying to get his attention.

A few footsteps were heard heading towards him as the screams continued, but he was frozen, still with a distant look on his face and his breath hitching. Suddenly, hands landed on his slumped shoulders as someone continued to speak to him, but he still didn't understand a single word coming from their mouths.

"-aeya! Can you... hear me?-"

He managed to hear, his eye drifted to the person in front of him slowly, but even though he was looking directly at them he couldn't identify who it was. When the other person seemed to notice that Kaeya was not present, they raised a hand to his cheek praying that that small but warm touch would manage to retrieve the frightened knight.

"Kaeya, it 's okay. You need to breathe..." Slowly, Kaeya understood their words, and as he began to take deep breaths he realized he was hyperventilating.

Although his breaths came out shaky and pathetic, the other person complimented him on the effort. "Very good, you're doing excellent, keep it up."

And that's when he could identify the woman, his childhood friend.

How selfish of him, to forget about Jean, the person he trusted and loved the most aside from the family he had just lost.

"J-jean?" At this, the woman brightened and nodded in response.

"Yes, it's me! Can you hear me now?"

"What... what are you doing here?"

"I was looking for you." She said it in a worried tone, looking at him as if he were the one who had just lost a parent. He didn't deserve this concern, Diluc did. He was the true son of Crepus. "I heard what happened. I’m sorry."

Kaeya was thankful that the rain was present at this moment even if it brings him even more pain, for his tears went unnoticed and mingled with the drops in the sky.

When Kaeya said nothing, Jean spoke again. "We'd better go, we have to heal your wounds and dry your clothes. You'll catch a cold in this state."

“...why?" He asked, faintly. His lips tremble.

"Because you're hurt." She replied looking even more worried than before, Kaeya felt a stabbing pain in his chest but remained quiet as he let Jean lead him into the depths of Mondstadt.

The whole way, Kaeya felt nothing besides the hand holding him protectively. He let his thoughts fly inside his head until Jean stopped in front of a house.

She pulled some keys out of her pockets and unlocked the door, motioning Kaeya to enter first. The blue-haired man didn't dare to look at her, his gaze remained transfixed on the floor, terrified that when Jean looked him in the eye she would notice something different and decide to throw him out of her house with a sword at his neck.

He barely heard the door close behind him and the woman's boots walking through the house. He stood there in the doorway without moving a muscle or saying anything, afraid that if the words escape him some tears will accompany him, or that his tongue will touch the bitterness of the dark secret he has hidden for years until today. He can't risk losing someone else, not now.

"Let's go to the couch so I can heal you." Kaeya flinched as he felt an arm wrap around his back to guide him to some seating. They made their way to the couch Jean mentioned, she gently pushed the blue-haired man so he could sit down and she could check his wounds properly.

Kaeya didn't feel when his vest was removed, nor did he feel when his upper body was bare. When the healing tools made contact with his skin his mind was lost again, disconnected from the reality he was in. He doesn't know how much time passed, how many seconds flew by or how many minutes were lost, but when Jean spoke again, a clean shirt a little smaller than his usual size was already wrapping around his body.

"What happened?" She asked gently, hoping not to receive some half-hearted or overly concerned answer. Kaeya felt his head heavy, he was tired, and his eye showed it. Jean noticed the anguish growing inside his chest.

Tears formed at the corner of his bluish eye, normally full of life. His lips trembled again, his brow arched and when he opened his mouth to respond, nothing came out. His gaze was on his trembling hands full of cuts, avoiding the worried face of Jean who was beginning to bring her hands to him in consolation.

When Jean's hands touched his cheeks, tears inevitably began to flow from his eye. Kaeya struggled to smile, he really did. He tried to stop the tears from coming down but it was futile, and with his closest friend standing beside him caressing him sadly, that's when reality hit him hard.

"Father is gone, Jean, my father is dead."

That was enough for Jean to hug Kaeya tightly, who hid in her friend's chest as if that would ease his worries and bring back his words he said to Diluc.

The next day, Kaeya woke up confused in an undecorated and rather empty room. The sun's rays after a storm like yesterday's came directly to his face.

His hands were raised to block the light from his eyes, but when his fingers brushed a medicine patch over his right eye, yesterday's events began to come like bullets in his head. He remembered that he had stayed at Jean's house after what seemed like hours of healing his fire-induced wounds, Jean directed him to the guest room and forced him to lie down on the comfortable bed he was now in.

The intense pain he suffered yesterday in his eye had subsided thanks to Jean's healing skills, but even with all the medicine and care the woman bestowed upon him his body still hurt like hell.

But the physical pain he felt was nothing more than a distraction from the storm brewing inside his head.

He was left staring at the ceiling for a disturbing amount, wondering if it was worth moving. If he got out of bed, where would he go? He knew he was falling into a deep void of questions spiraling around in his mind, where it would probably be impossible for him to escape without help.

Kaeya was just waking from a rather long sleep, and he still felt tired. He abandoned the idea of getting up instantly, thinking how much better off everyone would be if Diluc's sword had taken his life. But when the silence was interrupted by a door gently opening, he knew that his plans for self-destruction were not going to be very possible.

"Ah, you're awake." Jean said with a smile that Kaeya didn't turn to look at. "How are your injuries?"

"Quite a bit better, thank you." He replied in a worn voice without taking his eyes off the ceiling, even as Jean came over and sat on the bed still looking at him.

The woman held out a glass of water silently, for the first time that day Kaeya made the effort to direct his eye to her as he accepted the drink. Jean helped him up on the bed, leaving him in a half sitting position so he could drink from the liquid without spilling.

Kaeya's hands trembled in his grip on the glass, but he refused to let Jean give him the drink like a four year old. It took him only a few seconds to empty the glass, relieved to feel his throat clear a little, abandoning the little ache he had.

Jean took the empty glass and set it down on the small nightstand beside the bed. "Would you like something to eat?"

The thought of a meal filling his stomach made him squirm, he shook his head weakly looking exhausted. Jean couldn't believe how tired her friend looked, completely dull and lifeless like the Kaeya she knew. This was not how a teenager of only seventeen should look, Jean felt bad knowing what Kaeya had gone through the night before, though she still didn't understand the cause of his injuries.

On any other occasion, Jean would have scolded him for being so careless. She would force him to eat something nutritious and get some needed rest. But she knows that this was not like any other occasion, she was aware of Master Crepus' death and that is why she was out in the rain looking for her friend so she could help him and bring him some comfort. Finding Kaeya covered in blood and mud with something shiny like a newly obtained vision in his hand and with a lost expression full of fear, worried Jean the second she looked at him.

She knows he should eat something but instead of reprimanding him, Jean just nodded her head looking at him sadly. "It's okay, you don't have to eat now, do you want anything else?"

And all she got from Kaeya was another slight silent denial.

Chapter Text

"Now you can stay here."

Kaeya surveyed the room from the entrance as Varka handed him the keys to the door.

"I hope it's cozy for you, it's not as big as the mansion you used to live in but-"

"It's fine, thank you sir." He interrupted him, not really paying attention to his words and not wanting to listen anyway. Instead, he watched the window that illuminated the small room.

Varka stopped talking and instead rested a hand on his shoulder comforting him. "Well, I'll leave you alone then. Remember to rest.. ah and, Kaeya.."

The blue-haired man turned his gaze to the man but not really looking at him. His vision was blurred, Varka flinched but his grip on his shoulder remained. "Yes?"

"I'm sorry." He looked at him, his eyes narrowing slightly in concern. "Take care of yourself boy." And finally, the hand on his shoulder faded away as did the footsteps of the larger man deep in the hallway.

Kaeya decided to ignore him, he looked again at the room the knights of favonius provided for him in the headquarters. All the knights had a room that belonged to them, but most only used them in emergencies or if they were too tired to go home. In Kaeya's case, this would be his home from now on.

Home. A humorless laugh escaped his mouth. It's as if he was destined to be kicked out of everywhere. It wouldn't take them too long to kick him out of this room.

He began to walk with difficulty, due to the wounds he received directly on his leg he now had to use a cane to support his weight on. He limped inside and immediately closed the door behind him hoping not to receive visitors all day. He left the keys on a small table and went to his bed to sit up. Standing so long generated pain, how weak he had become?

He let out a heavy sigh, closed his eye as the cane was safe at his side. He stayed like that for longer than he intended, when he looked back to the window he noticed that the clouds had shifted position. At some point he forced his trembling legs to get up again and walk to the window.

He was unlucky enough to have his room facing the city. He watched the citizens walk through the streets of Mondstadt, talking or just interacting. Some were opening their small stores and others were knights delivering their services to someone in need of help. It was a rather cloudy day but the sun's rays managed to break through the clouds, the remnants of the storm from two days ago still showed as in the small puddles of water and in the icier than normal wind.

Kaeya stood there for a while, he didn't know if he was really enjoying seeing the city under his eye or if it actually bothered him, he just knew that he couldn't take his eye off the smiles of the others.

Unexpectedly a strange anger flooded his wounded body, and the window curtains aggressively closed, blocking the light that once came in and hiding the people from the knight's sadness.

-

It had been two days since Jean had healed him in her own home. She thought it was a better idea for him to move into the rooms because there he would have the privacy he needed, at home his whole family seemed to make Kaeya uncomfortable. He never told her, but seeing how happy they were all together and how close they seemed to be bothered Kaeya, he thinks that none of them have a secret like his that will keep them apart forever. He was suffocating in the love of the family, he felt sick.

The news that Master Crepus died reached the city the same day it happened. The people closest to Kaeya showed their condolences, Varka, Jean, Amber and Lisa. The consolations were mainly directed to the real family member, Diluc. He thinks it's okay, it's no big deal.

Since then, Kaeya has tried to hide as much as possible from the others. He is not stupid, he knows how people look down on him. He notices the looks of anger and disappointment that are mercilessly directed at him, silently blaming him as if it was all his fault. He didn't even try to prove them wrong. Perhaps if he had arrived on the scene earlier or if he had swallowed his secret at least a few more years maybe Crepus would still be alive and Diluc would still consider him his brother.

As much as it pains him about everything that happened, he knew it was going to happen eventually. One way or another. He knew he was going to lose them, he knew he was going to be kicked out of the family ignoring all the years he was with them living together as if he was part of them, he had it pretty clear on the very day he came into Crepus' arms after his biological father left him with the weight of a mission on his small shoulders.

His room was totally dark but still the darkness he was looking for he still couldn't find it. He hid under the covers of the bed hoping to disappear at least for a while. Forget about his life and his thoughts, and just concentrate on sleeping. It would be like a momentary death, to disappear for at least a few hours is a nice thought he thinks, to switch off for a while and hide under the covers with his eyes closed, looking for the darkness to take him to a deep and infinite sleep.

He was drifting off to sleep, the comfort of the mattress and the warmth of the blankets slowly dragging him into a state of unconsciousness, and he embraced that feeling.

But that didn't last long, a knock on the door interrupted his peaceful slumber. But he didn't move and ignored it, waiting for whoever had arrived to leave as they noticed that no one was going to open the door.

The light knocking continued to sound after two minutes, and covering his ears with his hands failed to diminish the sound. But still, he made no effort to get up, and kept his eyes tightly closed.

The door opened, and the sound of footsteps were as light as the cold wind outside. A hand carefully approached the man who was hidden in his blankets as if he were a wounded and frightened animal, Kaeya forced himself to remove the blankets from his head and look at his unwanted visitor.

It was Jean who was standing next to him, having the same look she gave him that night where she found him abandoned and covered in wounds. Kaeya's healthy eye noticed a shiny object in her hands, his lips parted to whisper a question, but the words did not come out of his mouth.

The woman raised her hands and showed him something he didn't think he would have to see again for at least a couple of years. It was Diluc's vision, glowing as brightly as the time he used his pyro attacks against his little brother.

Memories of fire biting into his skin and Diluc's giant sword opening multiple wounds on his body immediately came back to his head as he watched the pyro vision. Anxiety began to claw at his heart, suddenly breathing became a complicated task and his chest contracted with each breath as if in pain. His eye reflected the fear that appeared the second Jean raised her hand, his breathing was unsteady and the tremors continued to increase by the second.

Jean seemed to notice the change in Kaeya, immediately relating the fear for the pyro vision to the burns she herself healed that night. She tried to approach the man staring at the vision but Kaeya instantly pulled away, his movements were quick and unsteady, he moved as far away as he could until his back touched the wall and his blankets had fallen to the cold wooden floor.

Jean looked at him worriedly and opened her mouth to say something. "Kaeya, what's wrong?" She understands that perhaps her friend has acquired an immense fear of fire and everything related to that, but what she doesn't understand is that he doesn't seem to recognize his brother's vision. "You don't know whose this is?"

Kaeya continued to stare at the object with a blank stare, but at least he managed to understand Jean's words. "G-get that thing away from me.." He stammered.

"It's Diluc's vision, don't you recognize it?-" She tried again, moving a little closer to the frightened man.

"I said get it away from me!" The fear gradually increased as he felt the pyro vision closer to him. Kaeya raised his arms and wrapped them around himself, trying to shield himself from the fire that never came.

As much as Jean wanted answers, she had understood that she was torturing her friend by having that object near him. She quickly walked away and set the vision down on a table, picked up a blanket that was on the floor and covered it with it so Kaeya would stop looking at it.

Then she tried again. She approached her friend carefully, not knowing if she could really touch him in the midst of a panic attack. "I'm sorry.. the vision is no longer here, don't worry."

Kaeya's eye continued to stare at the blanket on the table, knowing that the vision was hiding there. His breathing continued to be unsteady, his heart beating furiously in his chest as if it were a caged hummingbird waiting for the doors to be opened to fly out, but at least the trembling in his hands subsided, and the fear was beginning to dissipate.

Getting no response from Kaeya, she tried again. "...can I touch you?" and when he weakly nodded his head, Jean quickly reached over and wrapped her arms around him.

She didn't understand what could have triggered this panic attack of Kaeya's besides knowing that apparently the fire turned into a horrible fear. But even not having answers about that night, what she was aware of was the situation her friend was in right now. Kaeya was scared, depressed and incredibly lonely after his family had abandoned him, so Jean said in her determined mind that she would be his family from now on, and she would never abandon him no matter what.

Jean hugged Kaeya reassuringly, trying not to smother him and keeping her arms light to reassure him that he was safe and that she wasn't going to hurt him. She stroked his back as she felt the tremors subside and his breathing return to its steady rhythm. Finally Kaeya managed to calm down, and allowed himself to relax in his friend's arms as he wrapped his own arms around the woman's back while letting out a tired sigh.

After a silence that was filled with Kaeya's breathing, Jean spoke. "What happened? It's been a while since you last had an attack like this..."

"I-I..."

Jean pulled away a little so she could look at him, but her arms still stayed close. She watched as her friend crumbled in front of her gaze, his posture still showing the fear he felt seconds ago, looking as if any small sound could hurt him. Kaeya refused to look at her, he lowered his gaze as he pursed his lips slightly.

"I... I don't know."

The tears that began to form in his eye told her otherwise, he knew why he felt so panicked at the sight of a pyro vision. Even more so when it belonged to a certain specific person. How could Kaeya forget the unique design of his brother's vision?

But Jean wouldn't force him to talk. At least not for now. If Kaeya is not ready to talk, she will have to reconstruct the story like a puzzle with some missing pieces. She deeply hopes she can collect all the pieces, because otherwise she would not know how to take care of Kaeya and avoid certain situations like this one, where she has no knowledge about the things that make Kaeya panic.

When Kaeya was little, he used to have quite frequent panic attacks. The first week after he arrived at the mansion his new family noticed how paranoid he was getting, Master Crepus and Diluc didn't know how to take the situation in their hands, but they still tried what they could to help him calm down. As time went on they knew how to reassure him, in the middle of his frequent panic attacks he used to blurt out a few words that gave them clues as to what he was afraid of or what caused his anxiety. When he was older his anxiety improved, and he hardly suffered much from those attacks anymore, when his family and friends were by his side it became much easier for him to overcome any problem.

But now that Crepus and Diluc were gone, and only Jean was left to pick up the broken pieces, Kaeya felt too lonely and scared. After years since his last panic attack and having one again now, Jean has worried to the point where she feels the need to stay by his side until he feels better.

Jean silently appreciated knowing what to do in these situations, she herself had to help Kaeya control his own breathing on many occasions and will be able to do it again when needed. It's just that knowing that Kaeya may relapse into some anxiety attack again, it fills her with genuine fear to have to leave the room eventually, fearing that he may suffer alone in silence with no one by his side worrying about him.

She nods and gently hugs him again. She takes Kaeya's head and hides him in her chest as if that will hide him from the cruel world that took away what he loved most.

"Is he dead...?" He whispered, feeling the darkness slowly envelop him.

"No, he's fine." She didn't know, but she couldn't risk worrying the other any more. "He went on a trip and left the-.. that thing.." Mentioning the vision was treading a dangerous path, she reminded herself, so she avoided it.

The other didn't give her an answer, instead he closed his eye as he felt his lip quiver, and decided it was better to pass out from exhaustion than to think about his brother.

Chapter Text

Kaeya stood next to Varka as the man's deep voice filled the room with words he didn't understand. The sun decided not to show up this day letting the clouds conquer the sky instead, the weather in the past few days has been cold and depressing, as if it was mocking Kaeya and what he lost.

Varka was giving a speech to all the knights who had their eyes on the two of them, the man's hand held Kaeya's shoulder at all times as if he was a proud father to his son who had just become the cavalry captain.

The former cavalry captain had left without a trace or hint of where he might have gone and abandoning his vision pyro. Kaeya doesn't think he deserves this position and he also knows that the knights don't agree with Varka's decision by the way they looked at him blankly. His eye remained glued to the ground as he lost himself inside his head with the sound of the man's voice next to him in the background, the words did not reach his ears nor was he interested in what he was saying. The only thing on the new captain's mind was to get the hell out of there.

When Varka finished speaking and the applause brought Kaeya back to reality, he knew that officially he was now the new unwanted cavalry captain.

Slowly the captain's ears began to pick up the sounds. His gaze lifted to look at the clapping knights, he was not surprised to see Jean, Amber and Lisa imitating that action only instead of holding neutral expressions on their faces they had a beaming smile.

Those smiles stood out in the crowd as if a light was shining on them, and Kaeya looked at them as if they were the only people present there with him while the others were hidden by the darkness his mind had created to protect himself. He wished he could smile back at them to convey that he was grateful for their decision to waste precious time that could be better spent on things other than his miserable existence, but his lips did not move.

His mind darkened with guilty thoughts. He would have preferred his rise in rank to be more quiet and private as a brief conversation with him and Varka. Gathering all the current knights and captains was too much to just watch the useless Kaeya receive the title of cavalry captain that he doesn't deserve, they are probably all thinking that the stupid younger brother is trying to replace the great and hard working older brother but Kaeya knew he wasn't up to the task of doing a good job as Diluc.

Once again he will disappoint them all. It would be better that instead of Diluc, Kaeya leaves and not him. The better brother should stay, not the other.

His thoughts were interrupted as the hand on his shoulder strengthened, his eye shifted to the man beside him who looked at him with a smile that hid the genuine concern burning in his chest.

"I'm very proud of you kiddo, you've come a long way." Varka said, looking up at him proudly. His eyes narrowed slightly at the small smile on his face, and for a second Kaeya saw his father smiling at him as he did before he died. After all, Kaeya was only seventeen.

When Varka came up to wrap both arms around him, a selfish wish popped into his head, and with unshed tears he imagined himself hugging his father who kept repeating how proud he was of him.

He wondered if Crepus were alive he would be hugging him tightly for being the new cavalry captain. He knew the answer all too well, which brought a lump to his throat.

For a few seconds he decided to forget the applause still ringing in the background. To forget about the people, about Diluc, and about himself. He slowly accepted the embrace, tried to ignore his trembling hands but every second the trembling increased as tears threatened to slide down his cheek.

But the crying never came because the embrace was short, and Varka was already pulling away from him. He repressed the feeling of emptiness and the fear of being abandoned again by hiding it with the first smile he has shown on his face in days.

Kaeya looked back up at the man in front of him with a small smile that at any moment would crack, but he held it steady. "Thank you, sir."

The new captain only received another smile from the man and even more applause from the crowd.

-

Jean arrived at Kaeya's new office with a box in her hands as he surveyed the walls with a blank stare.

The woman set the cardboard box down on the desk that had its back to a large window that let in the perfect sunlight to replace the candlelight.

Kaeya looked at the box with a question on his tongue, he noticed there was nothing inside. "What's the box for?"

"No one dared to remove the decorations from the previous cavalry captain, and now that you are you can leave the office to your liking." She replied with a smile trying to hide her nervousness. Her hands hid behind her back not knowing what to do with them.

"Ah.." Was all Kaeya said, leaving an awkward silence between the two of them. The captain's gaze returned to the walls which were decorated with canvases painted by Master Crepus, it were landscapes of Mondstadt and Liyue. He had always been a great painter, the first night when Kaeya stayed over at the mansion the room he borrowed was full of paintings done by himself. As he and Diluc grew up, Master Crepus would ask them to pose in front of him so he could draw them and keep the memory of the beautiful moment.

But now for some reason, when Kaeya's lonely eye was riveted on a painting of the three of them together as a family it didn't feel like a beautiful memory but the reminder of the consequences of the truth. Even though it caused a strange ache in his chest, he refused to avert his gaze. He stood his ground, unblinking, watching the smiling faces of their past versions as he listened to Jean's voice in the back of his mind as if he were underwater. The hand holding the cane that still needed to use it for support strengthened into a death grip to stop the trembling that ran through the long scarred fingers, but the tremors never stopped.

Just as he felt he was falling into a deep dark hole inside his head, a hand reached for his shoulder managing to land him presently. Jean was at his side again, as she always had been, and with a worried expression she looked at him.

"Do you want the paintings to stay?"

Kaeya thought for a few seconds the words of his friend at his side, but at no time did he take his eye off the painting of his former family.

Having the paintings in his new office could serve as his own punishment. Every time he will walk through the light wooden door he will feel the glares of the Ragnvindrs stabbing at his chest, judging him for his actions. He will sit in the chair where his brother used to sit and fill out paperwork with a handful of burns in his body caused by the previous owner of the office. The very thought of all this caused him to feel a sense of anxiety deep in his heart.

But at the same time, it felt wrong to throw the paintings away. The office, though now officially his, was still Diluc's. If someday the red-haired man decides to come back and retake his position, Kaeya will bow his head and pray that he doesn't try to kill him again for wanting to take the position that originally belongs to him.

Who cares anyway? Someday he will die, either at Diluc's hands or by his own hands. Anger suddenly boiled in his veins.

"I don't want to see these paintings in my office." His words felt dirty, he reached over to the painting of the happy family and ripped it off the wall as his mind filled with thoughts of how the object resting in his hands was reduced to nothing more than ashes in a long dark night.

-

Today marks four days since the death of Master Crepus, and Kaeya a couple of hours ago had become the cavalry captain. The city thinks he is taking advantage of fate but he ignores them.

The moon was approaching and the sun was preparing to leave. Kaeya decided to visit the stables while everyone was sunk in their own worlds, too busy to worry about the new captain.

He walked over to open the door to the stables, closing it behind him after entering. There were several horses standing in their places, apparently none too interested in the new captain's arrival.

The captain walked inside as he watched the animals, the presence of these beings was definitely much lighter than the knights judging him with their eyes. He walked towards one horse in particular, it was a rather large one with black fur without counting the legs that were white. A smile appeared on his face as soon as he saw her, he dropped the cane to the ground and his hands soon reached the mare's to caress her.

"Hello Dama." He said barely a whisper, the mare immediately recognized him so his caresses were welcome. Dama approached the captain and licked his face, excited for her rider's return.

Dama had been Kaeya's horse years ago, though she was not his first horse, she had stayed with him the longest. Strangely, at the time they met they knew they belonged to each other. Dama has not allowed anyone else to ride her other than Kaeya and the captain has refused to ride any mare other than Dama.

Kaeya let out a small laugh as he lifted his hands to the mare's neck, stroking the fur in that area gently. "I missed you too."

The mare pulled away a little, stopping licking his face then shaking her head slightly. Kaeya took that as an apology. "I hope you don't become jealous now that I'm the cavalry captain, it will be inevitable to have to ride other horses."

Dama whinnied and looked at him expectantly as if she had understood his words. "I know, I know, I'm sorry. But you'll still be my favorite anyway, Dama." At this, the mare twitched her ear quickly and ducked her head. Kaeya looked at her fondly, his hands ran over her head waiting for his mare to understand his message.

Just as he was about to say something, a voice that wasn't his landed in his ears. "I saw that someone had entered the stables but I didn't know it was you, Captain."

Kaeya turned his head to look at the man who was now approaching him with a calm expression. "Chief alchemist Albedo." He saluted, not taking his hands off Dama. "I didn't mean to worry you, I just came to greet my now very dear companions."

"Don't worry Captain, I was actually looking for you." Albedo said, now at his side. "I don't believe I personally congratulated you on the rank increase. Congratulations on being promoted to the new cavalry captain. It won't be a challenge for you knowing how capable you are, plus from what I can see, you have an infinite love for horses."

Albedo watched curiously as Kaeya continued to pet the mare. The captain chuckled lightly, and finally his hands dropped to his sides, letting the mare free. "I thank you for your words, I truly appreciate it. And yes, it's true, I love horses. Especially this one, her name is Dama."

Hearing her name, Dama watched Albedo, inspecting him with her eyes. A few seconds later, the mare let out another whinny a little louder, so Kaeya looked at her with a raised eyebrow. "Dama, what's the matter? You don't like him?"

The mare shook her head in response, and Albedo couldn't help but let out a small smile. "She doesn't seem to like me."

"Don't worry, you're not the only one. She has pretty specific tastes when it comes to people." He raised his hands to her snout again.

"So the only one she really puts up with is you." Albedo continued to watch Kaeya's hands and his smooth movements. The smile did not fade from his lips.

"Perhaps, but if you give her a little time and patience, maybe she'll start to take a liking to you." He smiled, remembering all the times Dama rejected every human who has tried to ride her. In those times, Kaeya used to like to show all the cocky kids that he was the one the mare loved him, he would ride on her back and trot away proudly as he felt the amazed look of the others on his back.

At the memories Kaeya chuckled slightly, and the man beside him watched his smile. Albedo and he had been friends a few months ago, though they didn't use to talk much due to their different occupations in the knights and because Kaeya spent time glued to his brother and best friend, they considered themselves close enough to call each other friends, or at least something more than just coworkers.

The minute of silence was broken by Kaeya, who again had moved his hands away from the mare but still wouldn't look at the man beside him. "Sorry, I didn't mean to bore you I- uh, I should get back."

Albedo's smile was replaced by a slightly surprised look. "Ah- you weren't boring me. In fact, I'm glad to see you so calm."

Kaeya looked at him, confused. "What?"

"Lately, these days, you look like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders. And I can understand that, after all it hasn't been long since-"

"How can you understand?" he interrupted, the words coming out emotionless.

"I've lost people too." Albedo replied softly, his hand raised to his chest height.

Kaeya looked at him slightly shocked by his words, slowly pain began to appear on his face. "Oh. I'm sorry."

"Don't worry, it's been a long time." Albedo reassured him, his smile returning to his lips. "Although, I can't imagine the pain of losing your family in the same night. It's amazing how the human mind is able to cope with emotional damage. I'm sorry for what you had to go through, Kaeya."

The other man nodded slowly, his eye was on Albedo but his mind took him elsewhere as he listened to the blond's voice. His hands clasped together nervously, one part of his brain telling him that he should be grateful to Albedo for bothering to talk to him in the first place, but the other part tells him that he should just ignore him and run away.

As much as he wanted to do the second option, he knows he wouldn't be able to abandon the blond. Instead, his feet stayed firmly on the ground.

"Thank you, Albedo. I appreciate your concern, sincerely." Kaeya managed to smile back at him, and as he was about to say something else he suddenly felt Albedo lift his hand and bring it to his shoulder.

Albedo didn't say anything, he simply gave his shoulder a little squeeze and then walked a few steps away.

"My camp in Dragonspine may not be the warmest but if you're interested you can visit me whenever you need to." And finally, Albedo retreated from the stables with soft, slow steps just as he arrived minutes ago.

Kaeya stood in place as he stared at the ground where Albedo once stood, really not knowing how to react. A tired sigh left his mouth, and he decided he'd rather not think about what had just happened and just go to sleep. He slowly crouched down, letting out a small whimper of pain at the procedure, and then finally reached for the cane he had abandoned earlier.

With the cane in his hands, he waved goodbye to Dama with a smile and began walking towards the exit. His feet automatically took him to the headquarters rooms, his chest embraced the familiar feeling of loneliness and thoughts soon landed in his damaged mind.

He knew he wasn't going to visit Albedo, he didn't have the energy to do that.

A sigh more weary than the other escaped his lips, and for the thousandth time that day he wished he were dead.

Chapter Text

When Kaeya woke up, the sun was still hidden and the moonlight told him it was still night.

His heart was racing. He raised a hand to his heaving chest as if that would calm him. A nightmare had interrupted his sleep, if it wasn't for the slow healing in his body he could have sworn Diluc's flaming sword had just cut into his skin. He looked at his hands, verifying that what he dreamt was a simple memory and not something that had just happened, a relieved sigh escaped his lips when he observed the bandages that covered his hands.

Although, even after verifying that Diluc wasn't present and hadn't hurt him and that his nightmare was something that had already happened five days ago, he couldn't shake the pain his body was subjected to that night under a horrible storm.

His skin stung painfully, his arms felt uncomfortable as if they didn't belong attached to him. He felt strange, out of place, and feeling this kind of pain he knew he would never be able to sleep again.

Accepting his fate, he decided to get up. At least starting work at four in the morning was a good way to start the first day as an official cavalry captain. He headed to his bathroom and quickly jumped into the shower after removing his clothes.

He took a freezing bath waiting for the burning sensation on his skin to melt away. When he finished and turned off the water, he could barely feel his hands, but even after that shower he still felt the fire in his body. Having no choice, he forced himself to ignore it, and a few minutes later he was ready in his uniform walking down the dull corridors of the headquarters.

It was to be expected not to see any knight working due to the hour but that wasn't a problem for Kaeya, if he could avoid any conversation with anyone, he would.

He made his way to his new office, when he noticed the walls were empty and undecorated he felt a surge of relief in his chest knowing he wouldn't have to see the paintings every day. He walked to his desk and looked at the window, the light provided by the moon was not strong enough for him to read in the dark so lighting a candle at this point was necessary to not ruin his view.

He opened a drawer and took out the candle inside. He placed it on top of the desk while he pulled out a box of matches that were also tucked in the same drawer. From the box he took out a match and moved it to the side of the box to light it, but his hand stopped a few inches away.

He looked at the match as he thought about whether or not to light it. Fire has been haunting him all these nights and it's really the last thing he'd want to see right now, even if it's just a small flame that will light a few candles to brighten the room. He let out an annoyed groan, frowned and bit his lower lip. The cavalry captain frightened by a match, what a pathetic idea.

In one swift movement, the matchstick made contact with the box and a fire appeared at the tip of the match. Every second the fire came closer to the captain's fingers, the heat began to prick the skin of his hand bringing him back to that memory where Diluc's sword did the same in that fight.

His hand trembled to the point of believing that at any moment the match would drop to the floor and burn the fancy carpet. He tried to ignore the abnormal acceleration of his heart and proceeded to light the candles slowly, when he finished he blew out the match and dropped it on the floor.

Flames danced on the tips of the candles as the wax slowly began to melt. Although he was done with this simple task, his heart continued to race so fast that he felt a caged hummingbird in his ribs, and he knew that his unsteady breathing was driving him into a state of panic.

Kaeya quickly back up until his back touched the closed door, his legs trembled with fear and finally succumbed to the weight of his body, causing the captain to begin sliding down the door until he was sitting on the floor with his eye wide open and agitated breaths escaping his lips.

His ears stopped working and all he could hear and feel was his heart pounding like a racehorse. Flashes of the fight with Diluc and the death of Crepus appeared like bullets in his head, the screams of people chastising the decisions he had made and the only word he could make out was "traitor". He closed his eye hoping it would silence the voices.

No matter what he chose, he would always remain a traitor. No matter how hard he tried to please the others, they would always find a way to blame him for everything that had happened.

Kaeya listened to the voices of people telling him that this was all his fault. Maybe it was. He had long since given up trying to silence these voices and learned to simply listen to them complain.

His chest ached, he found it hard to breathe. He was waiting for someone to walk through the door he is leaning against to help him stay in the present, but no one came. It was too early for anyone to think about going to work and he knew it wasn't anyone's priority to take care of him.

He felt like an idiot, he wasn't a child anymore, he shouldn't crave help.

When he opened his eye again, he frowned and closed his mouth to force himself to take steadying breaths through his nose. His hands clenched into fists, and finally Diluc's sword was no longer near.

He realized that now he was alone, and he would never let anyone get close enough to hurt him again.

-

A week has passed since Kaeya became captain, and he decided it was time to prepare Crepus' funeral.

The whole time he was planning the funeral, Varka stood by his side supporting him as a father would. Kaeya ignored his intentions.

It was a quiet day, the storm of a few days ago had already been forgotten and the weather was slowly starting to return to the usual. Many people he didn't know attended the funeral and for Kaeya that was fine, there was no family left anyway.

Kaeya looked at the headstone with the full name of his adoptive father. He didn't know if it was the right thing to call him like that but that didn't matter, Diluc wasn't here to make him think otherwise. His gaze was totally blank, no emotion crossed his face, not even sadness. People were looking at him but he ignored them, concentrating on his father's tombstone and nothing else.

Then he thought of his brother. Now that he was gone, he didn't know if he would ever come back. Part of him hoped he would return to Mondstadt and beg forgiveness for leaving, but the selfish side of him hoped he would never dare set foot in his city again and stay wherever he was now. The captain was forcing himself not to care, and every day it was getting a little easier to pretend.

A presence behind him brought him out of his thoughts, but he didn't have to look to know who it was.

"How are you handling it kiddo?" Varka asked, and Kaeya felt pity touch his tongue.

The captain didn't move and continued to stare at the stone, wishing he was the one beneath the earth. "I'm fine."

Silence came when Kaeya showed no intentions in continuing the conversation and Varka understood. But at the same time, the older man felt the need to say something or at least try to comfort the young man who was the closest thing to a son to him.

Varka opened his mouth again, but Kaeya wouldn't let him speak. "We should place Diluc at his side."

"But Diluc isn't dead... he's just gone." He replied with genuine confusion as Kaeya felt his blood boil in his veins.

It's nothing that bad to abandon your little brother and leave him with absolutely nothing besides permanent wounds and scars that are hard to forget. And all this only because Kaeya told him the truth, of course it was all his fault for picking a bad day and upsetting Diluc. Kaeya gets it.

Kaeya's sadness never left, but now the anger was stronger.

"He is to me."

The wind present was so soft that neither Kaeya or Varka felt it.

-

A couple more days had passed since Crepus' funeral, Kaeya lost count.

The captain was at his last checkup with a healer to check his wounds and determine if he is in a good physical condition to begin leaving the city and doing his job.

The healer began to unwrap the bandages from his hands and Kaeya had to look away, not wanting to see what his hands have looked like after the fire.

"Can you feel this?" He asked as he touched the burned skin.

"Yes." Kaeya replied as he looked towards the window.

"That's good. You received some pretty bad burns that for a normal person their hands would lose feeling." He began to wiggle the captain's fingers. "That cryo vision of yours sure saved you from losing your sense of touch."

The vision hung at his waist, the reminder of a life he lost and would not regain.

Finally Kaeya forced himself to look at his hands, and though they were scarred and burned he was not surprised by the damage. It brought him disgust and hatred, but whatever emotion he was feeling at the moment did not show on his face.

The healer noticed how he stared at his wounds and felt pity. "You know, if you're bothered by the scars you could wear thin gloves. It won't hurt your skin."

"Oh, that would be good." The captain nodded as the other man stopped checking his hands and focused on his leg.

The healer began to check the damaged leg, removed the bandage covering it and did the same procedure with the captain's hands. "How's your leg? Can you walk well?"

"I still limp when I walk, but the pain is less than it was a few days ago."

"Because of your injuries you will probably have a permanent limp." His hands ran over the wounds carefully so as not to hurt him. "But it won't be that noticeable, besides I don't think you'll need the cane to walk anymore."

At this news, Kaeya brightened slightly. Although the cane didn't create so many problems for him (moreover, it helped him quite a bit to stand without wobbling) he hated the look everyone gave him, they looked at him with pity and shame, as if he didn't deserve an injured leg.

Kaeya knows very well that he deserves it.

Every citizen had a different thought about Kaeya, some said he was too young for what had happened to him and others whispered that he was not strong enough to replace the previous cavalry captain. So many people talking about him confused him to the point of dizziness.

The healer rewrapped his leg with a fresh bandage and continued to check the wounds on his abdomen. Finally after a few long minutes the healer ended the session and released Kaeya to leave.

As Kaeya left the cathedral, he breathed in the fresh city air and watched the few clouds that adorned the sky. His eye roamed the city vaguely with a pained expression on his face, Mondstadt was still just as awake as every day.

Then his gaze lowered to his hands. Now that there was no bandage to hide the horrible wounds Diluc had left him as a last reminder, he felt more like something carrying the millions of scars and wounds of the past as a reminder to his lousy decisions than a human.

Kaeya did not feel alive.

He hadn't changed uniforms when he became a cavalry captain, the turtleneck began to choke him as if the air was infested with smoke and ash. The clothes felt uncomfortable on his body, his skin began to itch and he felt the urge to want to run and not come back.

His hands lowered and his eye went back to the sky. He won't run even if he wanted to, he won't leave even if that's all he wants right now. He is not like Diluc, he will stay. At least not to leave his father alone under the earth. Kaeya will not leave the city that welcomed him even though he was a total mystery.

The captain decided it was time for a change, and his first step was to get a new uniform and a pair of gloves.

Chapter Text

"Are you sure you're comfortable with that?" Jean said, referring to the new uniform Kaeya wore, unable to ignore how his usual turtleneck had been replaced by an open shirt that showed much of the captain's chest.

Kaeya shrugged his shoulders with a smile. "I thought it was a good selection, the old uniform was boring anyway." He said as they walked together through the halls of the barracks.

Jean seemed to hesitate with his answer but didn't mention it. "If you say so…" They turned a corner and headed towards Varka's office where they had been called a few minutes ago. "I couldn't help but notice how lively you are today, what's up?" She said worried, a few days ago Kaeya couldn't even leave his room without feeling dizzy, and now he suddenly looked like new.

"Nothing, it's just been a good day." He reassured her though he didn't look at her. Jean wanted to continue their conversation but they had already reached Varka's office so his talk was interrupted.

Kaeya knocked on the door and after hearing an animated "Come in!" on Varka's part, the two entered the office closing the door behind them. The man sitting at his desk looked up and smiled when he saw the two of them, he dropped the pen with which he was writing something on a piece of paper and gave his full attention to the two visitors.

"Kaeya, Jean! It's good to see you!” He said, his usual positive energy echoing off the walls of the room.

"Good morning to you too, Varka!" Kaeya replied with the same energy, which made the older man a bit puzzled.

A slightly confused expression passed over his face but his smile didn't falter. “You look good Kaeya! Well, sit down you two, I have something to talk to you about." He pointed to the chairs and watched them as they sat down and looked at him with curious eyes.

Getting straight to the point, Varka showed them a map of all of Mondstadt. “Do you see these marked points?” he asked as he placed his finger over a specific spot on the map marked with a large red circle. Jean nodded without leaving the view of the map. "Well, finally after weeks of investigation we have found the lair of some treasure hoarders."

"Oh, that's amazing." Jean said. "It's good to hear, how many of them are hiding?"

"As far as we know, approximately ten thieves are there." Varka looked at her, his smile still on his face. "It's not something we can't handle, and it's perfect for Kaeya's first mission as the new cavalry captain."

At the mention of the name of his friend, Jean glanced at him and then looked at Varka again. "Wait- he's still not completely recovered, just yesterday he got rid of his cane and I don't think it's a good time considering that-"

"I'll do it." Kaeya said, still looking at the map and ignoring the stares from the other two. Jean looked at him in disbelief, raising her eyebrows as she processed his words.

"Really? Kaeya, your wounds are still healing, you need to rest."

“I have rested enough, my body is ready to go back to work.” He gave her a confident look, trying to win her over with his determined tone. Jean frowned and looked back at Varka, hoping he would take back what he said.

Varka smiled even more. “Don't worry Jean, the healer approved this mission. Also, he will not be alone, the new group where he will be in command will accompany him!"

“I'll be fine, Jean. I've done this before and I can do it again." Kaeya put a quiet smile on his lips, a smile she hadn't seen in a long time.

At this, Jean managed to calm down a bit, but the tension in her shoulders continued there. She exchanged glances with the other two men as she thought about what to say, and when she finally came up with an answer, she blew out a tired sigh and nodded slowly. "Alright. When do they leave?

The older man smiled toothily at her as he put the map away. “The horses are being prepared in the stables. When they are ready, you will be too."

-

When Kaeya and Jean reached the stables, the horses were ready to go, so the group grabbed the reins and walked calmly towards the entrance of Mondstadt. A group of people were waiting for them there to say goodbye and wish them luck in the mission. Some parents hugged their sons, happy to see their family representing the knights of favonius on a mission. Kaeya simply watched from afar.

When they were finally able to get away from the people and finish their goodbyes, they headed towards the stone bridge to make sure they were ready to go.

Kaeya checked the bags the horses held on their backs, noting the supplies and emergency kits his group had packed just in case while Jean watched.

A knight approached Kaeya, looking a bit worried. "Excuse me captain, did we forget to pack something?"

Kaeya looked up from the bags and looked at him, noting how nervous the knight was who was now part of the new group he was leading. "No, from what I see everything is in order, don't worry."

The knight managed to visibly calm down, his shoulders relaxed and he smiled as he nodded several times. “Oh, okay, that's good to hear. Thank you Captain." Then the knight gave the knight's salute, raising his arm to his chest and then stretching it out to his side.

The captain moved away from the bags and took a look at the other knights who accompanied him, noting that they all looked rather nervous and scared, as if they were worried that the mission would be too difficult for them to handle. Grasping this, Kaeya felt that this was the moment where the leader needed to say a few words of comfort.

“Listen, we'll be fine. It may be that facing a mission where we have to enter the enemy's lair sounds scary, but we are armed and have the experience to fight against a group of thieves. I will not let you get hurt, there will be no blood spilled on the field other than that of the enemies. I have done this before and I know what I am doing, you are in good hands.”

At their new captain's little speech, the knights were relieved to hear that their leader was experienced and could lead the mission to success without any loss. The group of ten knights nodded determinedly, more sure of themselves and the success of the mission, to then salute the same as the previous knight, showing respect to the new captain.

Kaeya looked at Jean, who was looking at him with a worried smile. "You'll be fine, you better leave now so you can get there before the sun goes down."

Kaeya smiled back and nodded confidently. He looked from her to the new group still smiling and decided that it was about time. He climbed on his faithful Dama mare and announced the departure while the other horses along with their riders, following him as if he were a light in the darkness.

Jean watched as the group moved away every second, she fully trusted her friend and she knew they would be fine. She knew that Kaeya would guide his new group into the light, like a beacon in the darkness illuminating the night sky so that the sea would be less murky to cross for ships seeking their way.

She didn't understand the sudden change in Kaeya, suddenly he looked more animated and his outfit had completely changed. But that didn't matter, her friend looked much better than a few days ago and if he needed a change, she was relieved that it made him happy.

She murmured a small prayer to Barbatos and turned to walk towards the city to resume her own work again.

-

Kaeya stopped Dama after riding non-stop for a full hour since they left Mondstadt to take a look at the map. The knights imitated him, they remained in a small silence waiting for orders from the captain.

It didn't take him more than a minute to figure out where they were. "We are close enough now. Tie up the horses here." The captain ordered, and the knights immediately began to get off their horses and lead them to some trees.

As Kaeya continued to gaze at the map, a knight approached him. "Excuse me, Captain Kaeya, may I ask why we are so far from the thieves' den?"

Kaeya looked up from the map upon hearing the knight's genuine doubtful tone. "Because we don't know if there will be someone watching the place, the horses would betray our presence if we brought them closer." He answered as he put away the map. "Besides, if they somehow manage to escape, they'd use our horses to drive off and leave us here with nothing."

The captain smiled as he could almost see the gears turning in the knight's head, beginning to reason with the answers he was given. "Oh, okay. Sorry, that was a stupid question."

Kaeya chuckled and shook his head slowly. "Don't worry, it's better to ask than to wonder. By the way, what's your name?" He asked, realizing that he didn't even know the boy's name.

"My name is Matt, Captain!" He responded excitedly as he straightened his back. "It is an honor to have you as a leader!"

Kaeya laughed again, not sure how to respond to that. He still wasn't used to being called captain, but he likes it. He enjoys how they pronounce his title with pride, since they named him a cavalry captain he began to work triple to show the city that they were not wrong in choosing him as leader. Slowly, people began to think differently of him.

A woman wearing the same uniform as the other Knights approached them before Kaeya could answer Matt. "Sorry to interrupt, all the horses are tied up including yours, Captain!"

"Perfect, excellent job." The woman smiled proudly. Kaeya looked at the other knights and motioned for them to come closer. "We'll move in and set up an ambush. Is everyone ready?"

When Kaeya heard how the group nervously shouted "Yes captain!", he nodded, and with him leading the others they began to walk towards the directions they were given.

-

Finally they came to a cave that was hidden by some trees and bushes, making it hard to see for adventurers who were just passing by. Kaeya had to admit that it was a good hiding place, at least better than the camps he'd seen on past patrols.

The captain approached the entrance, noticing that to enter the cave you had to go down a rope. He leaned down to see the depth of the cave, then turned to the group waiting behind him.

"You have to go down to get in, but the cave isn't that deep. It won't take us more than a few minutes to get in." The knights nodded, not wanting to make any more noise than necessary. "Four of you will stay up here and the rest of us will go down."

Kaeya assigned the people to watch from the outside, then walked over to the rope. "You will come down on my signal, understood?"

"Yes captain." Matt answered, being one of the first to go down into the cave after Kaeya did. The other knights nodded again.

"Good." The captain verified that the rope was able to support his weight and then began to descend.

Going down the rope was easy, the gloves kept him from hurting his hands and he's been down ropes before, training to be a knight requires knowing how to do this sort of thing. When his feet touched the stone floor, he raised his head and looked at Matt who was watching him from above waiting for his orders. Kaeya looked around, confirming that there were no enemies preparing to attack, and then looked back at Matt, nodding sharply allowing the others to enter.

A few minutes later, the remaining six knights successfully went down into the cave. Kaeya glanced at each of them. He started walking first while the others followed a few steps behind, swords and bows in hand to prepare for whatever tried to attack.

They were completely silent as they walked, each looking at a different part of the cave, protecting the other's back. A strange sound rang deep in the cave and the knights were startled, instantly all of them pointed their swords and bows towards the sound waiting for some monster or danger to appear.

An innocent little geo slime came out of the darkness and the knights felt stupid for being scared. Kaeya suppressed a laugh as he heard them sigh exaggeratedly.

"Wow, are you really scared of a slime?" Someone mocked.

"No! It just took me by surprise!" Another voice answered in a whisper.

"Oh yeah right, looks like you peed on your uniform." Another person laughed.

"Shut up, you got scared too, I heard you scream."

"What!? No! I never did that-"

"Quiet, I think we already found them." Finally the captain stopped the little discussion and the voices were immediately silenced. "I see burning torches." Kaeya led the group to a corner and hid behind a stone wall.

Sure enough, they found the thieves' base. There were supplies on the floor and some sleeping bags everywhere which indicated that people were living here. A new unknown voices appeared, Kaeya tilted his head and looked around to see who was speaking.

A group of five thieves were in the center talking among themselves while some others were just walking around. Kaeya did a quick count, seeing that the ten thieves they were looking for were here made him feel relieved. He glanced back, the knights looking at him with wide eyes and their swords drawn, preparing for the captain to order.

Kaeya looked at them for a second, then frowned. They will be fine, everything is in order. The captain nodded harshly and determinedly, quickly came out of hiding and directed his hands at the thieves, activating his vision cryo and freezing most of the thieves in the place.

Understanding his signal, the other knights also left the hideout and got into position. Some took aim with their bows and the others raised their swords in warning. The thieves grunted in surprise at the attack and turned their heads towards the masters of chaos. Noticing that they were the knights of favonius, they felt lost.

"Any move you try and you'll end up in a place worse than this cave." Kaeya stood in front of everyone and began to approach the thieves. "Drop whatever you have in your hands this instant."

The thieves obeyed. They raised their hands and dropped the items they were holding. They didn't have much of a chance knowing they were being ambushed by a group led by a vision bearer. The archer-knights stood farther away, and the sword-wielders moved closer to Kaeya, who was looking coldly at the thieves.

They handcuffed all the thieves successfully, some tried to struggle but Kaeya immediately stopped them. The nine thieves were grouped in a corner while the knights watched over them, Kaeya was handcuffing the last thief who was kneeling at him.

It all happened too fast. Suddenly, the thief made an accelerated movement, managed to free his hands before the handcuffs caught him, and pulled out a knife that he had hidden in his pants.

The thief quickly launched himself at Kaeya with the knife pointed at him with the intention of stabbing him. It took only a second for the captain to react, the thief getting close enough for Kaeya to grab his hand tightly and keep the knife from going through.

The thief continued to try and struggle in Kaeya's grasp, but his strength could not be matched by the young captain. So after letting out an annoyed groan, he dropped the knife and approached his hands towards a pocket with a gun that he had kept all this time.

If Kaeya didn't act now, the thief would manage to shoot and kill him.

With expert hands, the captain summoned a cryo sword that was created in seconds and was swiftly aimed at the thief's chest. The gun fell to the ground before the thief managed to shoot him.

The man stared wide-eyed at the sword that had just impaled him. Blood began to rise up his throat, causing him to choke on it and make disgusting sounds. When the captain removed the sword from his chest, the thief fell to the ground completely lifeless.

Kaeya cursed to himself, the last thing he wanted to do was kill a person in front of the group of knights still too young to see a murder. When he turned his head towards the knights he wasn't surprised to see that everyone was looking at the scene in amazement and fear.

In a sick and selfish way, Kaeya was envious of them for how they could look so innocent and affected when they witnessed someone's death.
In the nation where he was born, the deaths of people were something that happened too often, and on many occasions he was a spectator. Innocence never reached his eyes, his hands were already stained with blood and pleading cries had already filled his mind by then.

Kaeya looked down at his hands, and was also not surprised to see blood stain his gloves.

He shook his head slightly and looked at the group with determination. He didn't want to remember his past, not now.

"We'd better get going now, we're still at the enemy's base." He announced, the knights still kept their blank stares but obeyed the captain in an instant.

The group began to lead the thieves towards the exit, this time they kept in front and Kaeya followed behind in case they tried to escape. They reached the entrance and Matt, who led the group, was the first up the rope. It took him a few minutes to move the entire group outside but they got it done quickly. Kaeya was last up, his chest filling with cool air as he felt the relief that most of the mission was completed.

The captain approached the thieves who were continually being watched by the knights. Noticing his presence, they immediately bristled and looked at him, fearing for his life as if he were going to do the same thing he did a few minutes ago with their partner. If it depended on Kaeya, he would, but unfortunately he wasn't alone, so he couldn't risk the innocence of the fledgling knights.

"Is the group just you or is there someone else I haven't heard about?" He said, looking coldly at some of the thieves' faces that were trembling with fear.

"Y-you killed Anton, you monster!" Kaeya sighed, he expected something like this but his patience was wearing thin.

"Answer my questions or Anton won't be the only one to be buried."

The group let out a groan, they knew the knights of favonius managed to protect the city and be loyal, but they didn't know how deadly some of them could be.

"It's just us, we were r-recovering energy after going hunting." One of them responded after swallowing hard. "Please don't hurt us, we won't enter Mondstadt again, we swear!"

The other people attended and agreed, praying that the captain would let them go.

Of course he wasn't planning on doing that.

The group of treasure hoarders have been in and out of Mondstadt for a while, plundering and upsetting the peace in which the city found itself. Although they weren't a major problem like the abyss order or something, the citizens didn't feel safe inside the walls. Favonius's knights haven't been able to do much besides try to calm them down, but when they finally tracked down their main hideout Varka decided to act immediately.

Varka was right to assign Kaeya for this, he knew how ruthless the new captain could be.

He smiled as he spoke his next words, watching intently as their expressions quickly dropped, feeling hopeless. "I'm afraid you will have to enter Mondstadt one last time, the dungeon will give you a warm welcome."

The thieves tried to refuse, but Kaeya already motioned for the knights to walk and they began to set off. The horses weren't that far away and if they left now, he would have enough time to get information from the thieves and report to Varka.

As Kaeya stepped into the lead again leading them, he felt Matt's eyes burn into his back. He knew that after witnessing him kill someone in cold blood, the knights' respect for him would increase.

A crooked smile appeared on his lips as he felt how the group followed him without hesitation, he could get used to being a respected captain and not a pathetic one.

From this day on, the favonius knights began to address Kaeya as someone who deserved the position of captain and as someone to be afraid of since torturing people is where he was an expert.

They reached Mondstadt on horseback, the thieves were taken to the underground cells, and the city erupted with happiness to see the knights reach the entrance without any loss. Captain Kaeya was greeted with heartfelt praise and thanks for bringing the young group back unharmed.

Kaeya simply smiled at them, something he strangely began to do often even if his feelings weren't reflected on his face.

That night, the captain could not sleep, the blood in his hands wouldn't come off.

Chapter Text

Grunts and groans echoed from a secluded room in the basement where the cells for prisoners were located, and blood dripped wildly to the stone cold floor with each blow the thief received.

It was night, quite late in fact. From the minute Kaeya came down the stairs to meet the thieves he and his group captured the day before, he lost track of time. He has probably been here in the basement for hours.

The captain gives the thief a break, stopped his fist movements on his face and simply looked at him waiting for him to speak. The man was taking in puffs of air with his mouth as his nose was broken from so many blows, and the blood coming out of it was blocking the passage of oxygen.

"Well?" Kaeya asked, his face was barely visible due to the poor lighting in the small torture room, there was no light source besides a few candles, but the thief was still able to feel the cold, piercing ice-cold gaze from the cavalry captain.

The thief sobbed, closed his eyes tightly trying to ignore the metallic taste in his mouth. "I can't... I can't tell you..."

This was the fifth thief of the nine they captured to refuse to share his information. Kaeya let out a small humorless laugh and shook his head slightly, he's been at least a half hour with this guy and still hasn't said a word about his motives in Mondstadt. He moved away from the chair where the tied up thief was and walked over to a table full of tools of various sizes and shapes.

From the table he took out some thick metal tongs and again returned to his previous position. Facing the thief, who was now beginning to open his eyes, Kaeya simply stared directly at him as the man directed his gaze to his hand, his eyes quickly filled with fear as he noticed that the captain now is tired of using his knuckles as a weapon.

The thief's arms were tied to the sides of the chair, so the captain had access to his hands without having to untie him. His hand gripped the tongs furiously, every second he spent staring at the thief increased the bloodlust. Anyone who even thought of getting into Mondstadt to cause harm would be an enemy of Kaeya.

"I understand, if disfiguring your face isn't enough for you then we'll move on to the next level." And with that said, in one swift movement the tweezers moved to his hand and ripped off a fingernail, causing a scream of pain to escape from his vocal cords.

When the man's entire left hand was nailed off and the thief still didn't let out any coherent words besides gut-wrenching screams, Kaeya reached for his other hand, ready to start ripping off his nails again.

As soon as the clamp approached his thumb, the man finally shouted. "We're coming for the cavalry captain!"

Kaeya stopped the clamp in mid-air, his eye contact never broken. He fell silent, silently hinting to continue; "W-we heard the news that the previous cavalry captain had resigned... we were sent to gather information on the new captain who would replace him..."

Kaeya raised a questioning eyebrow. "Why are you thieves interested in a change of captains?" He asked, the idea that they had come for him specifically was absurd to him.

The thief was silent, his lip quivering as he silently watched the captain's calculating face. Kaeya, whose patience was wearing thin, waited only a few seconds before resuming his movements with the tweezers and continuing to pull out nails.

Before he could pull out a nail, the thief sobbed and spoke again. "Wait! I don't know, I swear! I was just following orders, I don't know anything else!" His voice was full of pain and despair, he couldn't bear the thought of feeling the wrenching pain of the cold pincer pulling out his fingernails again. "Please, I swear man..."

He continued to plead between sobs, tears streaming down his blood and bruised cheeks as he shook his head repeatedly. Kaeya continued to watch him, observing the details of his face, listening intently to his high-pitched, embarrassed tone, calculating the jerks his body made with each sob, the captain gave himself a moment to contemplate what his own hands had created.

He felt like a monster. He pursed his lips and sighed. Perhaps it was time for a short break.

"We're done for today, we'll talk tomorrow."

Kaeya abandoned the tweezers on the table where the other tools lay and stowed them all in a leather bag. He untied the thief who continued to beg in small murmurs still crying and took him to his corresponding cell. Bringing the night of torture to an end, Kaeya checked that all the cells were properly locked and finally left the dark basement.

Quickly the captain was already in his small room where he started to stay after having lived a very small period of time with Jean right after the fight he had with Diluc. He ignored everything around him and went straight to the bathroom, the moon gave him enough illumination to not need a candle and he couldn't be more grateful. He took off his dark red soaked gloves and directed his hands to the sink to start removing the blood from his skin.

He tried as hard as he could to wash the red off his hands with soap and water, but nothing really seemed to clean it completely. His fingernails were still stained with blood, he waited for the cold water to manage to clean every corner of his hands but it didn't, when all the soap was scrubbed off his hands, he continued to feel like a murderer. He let out a weak groan and repeated the procedure of spreading more soap on his hands and scrubbing hard, and in a few minutes later the blood was still there.

He turned off the sink faucet and stared at his hands now sore and numb to the touch due to the low temperature of the water. His hands were now shaking, even when the blood had almost been completely washed away he could still feel the sticky substance lingering on his skin in a ghostly touch. He closed his eyes, but as soon as his eyelids closed all he could see was red, and the thief's mangled, almost unrecognizable face.

Immediately he regretted it and his eyes opened again. The man's desperate screams and feeble pleas filled his ears despite having left the basement minutes ago. His breath caught in his throat, it pained him to look at his skeletal hands and know what they had been able to do, but he didn't look away from them anyway.

And finally, he understood. He understood why Diluc abandoned him, and why father left.

He deserved this. All this guilt, displeasure and shame washed over him like wild waves in the middle of the sea. He had deserved everything that had happened to him, he was a monster, a miserable excuse of a human being. And now all this had been confirmed by what he had just done.

He looked in the mirror and all he could see was a hollow shell. One expressionless eye stared back at him, the other was covered by a leather patch. Hard to believe that this same person used to have a relatively happy life with his adoptive family, sad to think that the same boy who enjoyed capturing butterflies briefly and then releasing them almost instantly was now a captain who was as emotionless and cold as the vision that hung on his hip.

The object just mentioned glowed with rage, Kaeya left the mirror and lowered his eye to his hip level to see the reward the archons gave him for his actions and the consequences that followed. The cryo vision was not a blessing, rather it was a constant reminder of his fight and all his losses. It was a trophy impossible to ignore that would torment him for the rest of his life, it would shine until he stopped breathing and it would be buried next to him when he decided to abandon the mission he was condemned to at birth.

The vision saved his life, but he was not happy about it. Should he feel grateful for having survived something he was destined to die from? That night, the fire must have ended up deteriorating his soul and turning his body into ashes forever, not having given him another chance at life, let alone a vision cryo being the least deserving of it.

He should not be alive, nor did he deserve to rest eternally for his sinful soul, but it was definitely clear to him that he should not be enjoying life while all the others who were dead because of him lost the opportunity to continue living.

The darkness of the night and the depth of his thoughts punished him for hours, denying him the privilege of sleep until the moon left its position and the sun replaced it in his daily routine of nature.

-

Early in the morning Kaeya was already ready to start the day, heading to Jean's office which was close to his own. Despite not having been able to sleep the night before, he tried to appear as cheerful as possible.

He turned the knob on the door to his friend's office, he hadn't seen her since they said goodbye yesterday on the stone bridge before their mission. "Good morning Jean! How did you sleep-"

His words stopped the moment he saw a little girl sitting in a furnished armchair in the corner. The little girl upon hearing the new unfamiliar voice abandoned her view of her crayon drawing and looked at the captain in confusion.

"Hi." Greeted the little girl, with an expressionless face.

"Hello..?" The younger girl's large eyes glued to the captain's face, Kaeya looked around a bit uncomfortably. "Uh, where's Jean?"

"In the bathroom." She answered matter-of-factly, still following the man's gaze. Leaving the red crayon on the table and swapping it for a yellow one, Kaeya turned his gaze back to her and looked at the drawing she had been doing.

Without much more to say, Kaeya chose to praise her art. "I see you are an artist, this is such a beautiful drawing." He abandoned his position at the door and stepped a little further into the office.

"Thank you." The girl seemed to perk up a little, smiling. But something seemed to have dawned on her, and the smile quickly faded. "Oh! Who are you?"

"I'm Kaeya." At the distrust the girl was showing, he immediately smiled the friendliest smile he's made in weeks. "Don't worry, I'm not a bad guy, I'm a captain." He wasn't too sure about the first statement but didn't say anything about it.

The girl hearing his words visibly relaxed, her smile returned and she turned her attention back to her drawing. "I'm Klee! My older brother says I shouldn't talk to strangers, but if you're a knight of favonius then I trust you."

"Ah, your brother seems to be very wise, it's good to know you're listening to him." Inevitably his heart warmed by Klee's innocence, he was glad to know she was not alone in the world as he was at her age.

"Mhm, he's very smart.." Klee spoke again, painting the sun in one corner of the paper with yellow. When she finished, she abandoned the yellow crayon and replaced it with a black one, drawing sunglasses and a big smile on the sun she had just drawn. "He's also a knight, that's why I trust the knights, because my brother is part of them."

Kaeya chuckled to himself at the drawing, he never thought he would ever see a sun with sunglasses on. "Oh yeah, what's his name? Maybe I know him."

"Albedo, he's a scien… uhh.. scientist!… I think.." This time Klee laughed, but her words took Kaeya by surprise.

Albedo has a sister?

Just before he could ask again, through the door Jean walked in, automatically noticing Kaeya who before she left he wasn't there. "Oh Kaeya, hi! I didn't expect to find you here so early." She closed the door behind her as she approached the man.

"I woke up a little earlier than planned, plus I have reports to fill out from yesterday's mission." He looked at her with a small smile. "I think I know the reason why you're up so early." His eye went to the little girl who was ignoring them and concentrating completely on her drawing.

Jean smiled, a little tired but not at all annoyed. "Yeah... there was no one who could take care of her, besides it was my turn to spend the day with her." She was also looking at Klee now. "Oh wait, you don't know her, she's Klee, Albedo's younger sister."

"I didn't know Albedo had a sister." Kaeya said with genuine confusion, he feels like he's missing something important. Even if he and Albedo weren't as close as he and Jean still considered each other friends, it's a shame that the blond didn't get to trust him enough to tell him that he has a little sister.

"Well, it's kind of complicated.." Jean lifted her shoulders and turned her gaze to the man beside her. "They're not blood related, Klee's mother took in Albedo a long time ago and as time went on they began to consider themselves family, I guess.."

"Oh.." Kaeya didn't know what to say, he had never seen this girl before in his life, and he certainly has never heard Albedo mention her. "How come I didn't know her?"

"Alice, her mother, is always on trips, and until recently she always took Klee with her, but the places she will start exploring are too dangerous for a girl her age. So a few days ago she brought Klee to settle in Mondstadt for a while." She explained, gesturing with her hand. "You uh... you weren't in a great condition when Klee arrived."

Ah, so Klee arrived in the week where Crepus passed away. Kaeya hopes the girl doesn't know anything about his father's death, it's easier not to have to explain to a child how a citizen of the city died if it wasn't for natural reasons.

Kaeya nodded looking at the ground. "Ah, now I understand."

"Anyway..." Jean hastened to change the conversation before the mood declined so early in the morning. "What brings you here?"

"I was just passing through, haven't seen you since before the mission."

Jean seemed to perk up at the mention of Kaeya's first mission as a cavalry captain. "Right, how did it go?" Most likely she already knew the facts but still wished to hear them from her friend's mouth. He has started to talk a bit more, a few days ago he wouldn't say anything more than a few words if only it was extremely necessary.

"Pretty good, no injuries." Jean went to sit in the chair besides her desk as she motioned for Kaeya to sit down as well. "Their hideout was underground, so it was easy to corral them." He continued his story as he obeyed Jean.

"That's good to hear. So there weren't any incidents or complications?" Jean asked sounding interested, encouraging Kaeya to continue.

Before Kaeya answered, Klee got down from the armchair she was sitting on and looked at Jean to signal her to quickly go to the bathroom, to which she responded with a thumbs up and a smile.

After that little intervention the captain nodded slightly, he felt a little uncomfortable in his seat and he doesn't know why. "No... nothing serious.. I think.." He said, feeling useless in the conversation. He would like to say more, to be able to talk normally like he did before he lost everything, but he just can't make casual conversation.

At this, Jean's eyebrows arched with concern. "You think? What do you mean? Something is wrong?"

"Originally, it was ten thieves." Kaeya avoided Jean's gaze and instead noticed that his hands tangled together looked very interesting, not knowing whether he should tell her or not. A lump formed in his throat. "When we left the cave, it was nine."

There was a small silence between them, Jean staring at him processing his words and Kaeya feeling small as he fidgeted his hands nervously. Kaeya listened as the chair Jean was sitting in shifted, thinking she would move away and leave the room. His head stayed down, even if he would like to deny it deep down he knew Jean would leave him too, all that was missing was the straw that would break the camel's back.

Instead, arms slowly encircled his body, as if they were afraid of hurting him. Kaeya maintained his crouched position, his breathing was cut off and his eye closed as he felt the familiar feeling of sadness in his chest. He felt stupid to think that Jean would abandon him, she's not like Diluc, she's his best friend, someone who if given the chance to take all the weight he carried on his shoulders and carry it herself would accept it in an instant if it meant her friend could breathe.

Kaeya tensed in her arms, his hands went down to the fabric of his pants and gripped them tightly forcing himself not to cry. His lip began to tremble, and his lungs felt different. Jean, noticing all the changes in Kaeya, continued to hug him.

Then, she whispered very sweetly, in a way that could manage to break Kaeya's dam. "I'm sorry for what you had to do."

Jean probably didn't know that this wasn't the first person Kaeya killed besides some creatures like hilichurls or slimes. Kaeya felt nauseous, Jean had no idea that she was embracing a monster who participated in the death of several people years ago, if she knew his origins and what a sinner he really was she would immediately walk away in disgust and abandon him just like his brother did. If everyone in Mondstadt knew, they would not hesitate to exile him permanently from the city, being the danger he was no one would ever want him around.

Kaeya raised his hands and placed them on Jean's elbows, trying to push her away from him. "No.. you don't understand.. I don't.. I'm not-" He choked on his words, began to shake his head several times as if telling himself not to cry.

Jean didn't really get to hear the whole story. When she found Kaeya that day near Mondstadt in the rain and full of wounds looking paler than ever, she took him home to heal him. All she received from him was the news that Master Crepus had passed away, but even if Kaeya did not tell her the full story she could assume a few things. The burns and cuts from one particular sword did not go unnoticed by Jean, she had her suspicions of the possible culprit in all of this. And while she really didn't know the reason for the fight that day and Diluc's departure, she didn't care too much if it meant it brought Kaeya pain just by remembering it, she would never force him to talk if he didn't feel comfortable.

The only bad thing, was that she didn't know how to help. She really wanted to, without hesitation, but if she didn't know what happened she couldn't think of many ways to give Kaeya a way out so he could smile again like he did before the disaster.

Kaeya continued to struggle weakly to get out of Jean's embrace but she wouldn't let him. "J-jean, I'm not who you think.. I.. let me go, Jean-.." The captain's voice was beginning to break and sound pained, Jean's heart shrank as she witnessed her friend slowly break.

Jean didn't know what to say, instead she simply let her arms consume Kaeya's grief, hoping it would be enough to satiate his traumas. "Let me go Jean! Let me go!" He insisted, still with no real venom in his voice. Jean felt her own eyes fill with tears, but she began to slowly let go of Kaeya anyway, but not completely.

Her hands stopped at Kaeya's shoulders, forcing him to look directly at her. "You had no choice, it's okay." She looked at him sorrowfully, her eyes narrowed as she spoke. "It's all right, it's not your fault.."

Kaeya's dam began to fill with large cracks that threatened to slip out all the contents he's been holding in days. "No, it's not alright.. I killed someone, I made Diluc leave and f-father is dead because of me! I-" He muddled over his own words, his lip trembling increasing by the second. "I'm sorry." He let out in a whisper, his eyebrows arched sadly.

"It's okay! don't worry, we're fine. We'll figure it out, okay? It's okay.." Jean tried to help him, she wrapped her arms around him again and tucked his head into her chest. "Talk to me Kaeya, I'm here for you."

Kaeya wanted to talk to her, he really wanted to tell her everything that happened with Diluc. But he just wasn't mentally capable of telling everything he did, on how he fought to the death with his brother, on how he betrayed him and lied to his face for years, he just couldn't do it. He couldn't risk losing another important person in his life, he couldn't take another loss.

His mouth opened, wanting to be able to speak, but no words came out of his vocal cords, as if it was physically painful for him to do so.

Instead of speaking, he began to sob. And once the tears ran down his cheeks he couldn't hold them back any longer. Later he would feel guilty and regret that he had let himself show himself so weak before his friend, but for the moment, he would allow himself the small privilege of getting out all that he had bottled up these long days, and let Jean into his heart a little.

An icy wind blew in through the open window of the captain's office, who after the small collapse he had suffered a few hours ago was working on some reports he had been given to fill out during the day.

After what happened with Jean in her office, he was lucky enough to get away before Klee returned and observed the distress on his face. He really didn't want his first impression to be of a captain who all he does is cry. The inevitable guilt after someone helped him pull himself together always came a few minutes after the attack, the minutes where Jean spent her time trying to calm him down could have been spent on more useful things and not on his sadness shattered mind.

Since that little encounter, the captain hasn't left his own office, fearing that he will ruin someone else's day with his upset emotions. He feels so small, has no control over his thoughts and hates it. His emotions are swirling all over the place, suddenly he feels a raging anger coursing through his veins at the mere thought of Diluc, but on the other side the anger melts and turns into a pitiful puddle of sadness, where he remembers his childhood shared by the very man who caused the scars that now run down his body as naturally as paint would on a white canvas.

His hands tremble in his grip on the mass of papers on his desk, he tries to concentrate on the words but even that task has become difficult. His mind is elsewhere, his eye is glued to the verses written in black ink but his inner voice is repeating words of self-deprecation, denying him the absorption of information that the papers are giving him.

At this point he has lost track of time, he doesn't know how many minutes or hours have passed since he sat down at his desk and moved forward with his work. He wishes he could focus on what was in front of him and not on the past that was tormenting him more and more every day.

He scolds himself and forces himself to concentrate but, archons, it's so hard that it frustrates him... Since when did reading become so complicated?

Suddenly, a soft knock is heard from the door, and the next thing he knows, Albedo had just walked in with a soft look on his face.

Kaeya looks at him silently, his eye revealing surprise at seeing him in his office. His trembling hand crumpled the paper slightly, hoping the tremor is disguised enough for the blond not to notice.

"Good day Captain." Albedo said, his face matching his calm tone of voice. "I'm sorry to barge in without your permission but I don't think you heard me knock earlier."

Embarrassment crept up Kaeya's face but he hid it with a small smile. "I'm sorry Chief Alchemist, the paperwork flooded my mind so much that I didn't really notice your arrival." He quickly formulated a lie in his head, it was getting easier and easier to lie every day.

"Don't worry, I can say the same thing happens to me when I'm working on an experiment." Albedo also smiled slightly, then turned his head to a clock hanging on the wall, feigning surprise as if he didn't know the time before he came and as if he hadn't planned every word that came out of his mouth. "It's quite late" Three o'clock in the afternoon. ", May I ask if you had lunch yet?"

Kaeya smacked his face with his palm mentally and shook his head. "Oh my, I completely forgot. The new schedule as a cavalry captain makes things difficult for me."

Albedo, who knew Kaeya would say that, cocked his head slightly towards the door. "I was just thinking of having lunch, if it's okay with you we can go together."

The captain blinked in astonishment. He opened his mouth to say something but just stared at the blond. Kaeya knew what Albedo was doing, he was a genius anyway, the blond was offering him an olive branch to escape these four walls and get some fresh air. Maybe Albedo could sense that something was wrong with Kaeya, was he not hiding it well? Maybe the problem was not him but Albedo, until today it was unknown what abilities the alchemy genius possessed.

Albedo's light eyes flicked for a second to Kaeya's trembling hand, and the captain knew he had to say something. "Of course, of course. If you don't mind my annoying presence, I can accompany you for a while if you wish." He said in a mocking tone between little chuckles. He quickly abandoned the paper on the desk and began to rise from his chair. "Where are you planning to go for lunch?"

Albedo narrowed his eyes, not knowing whether he should ignore his earlier joke or insist that what he said was incorrect. He opted for the first option. "In my lab, I have homemade food." A few seconds later he immediately corrected himself. "Well, if you're comfortable, or else we can go out and order takeout from some store or we can-"

"Albedo." Kaeya let out a small laugh that the blond could swear lit up the room and cleared the sky of all clouds making way for the sun. "It's okay, I'd love to try your food."

The alchemist stopped rambling and simply smiled, tranquility flooding him from head to toe instantly. "Well, let's go then."

Chapter Text

"You never told me about having a younger sister."

After the intervention in Kaeya's office, they began their little journey to the building's tiny laboratory, which was on the second floor as was the cavalry captain's office.

"Oh well-.." Albedo hesitated a bit in his words when they reached the laboratory, he took out his keys and opened the door. "You never really talk about your brother either."

Kaeya followed his steps and entered the comfort of the room, the afternoon sun painting some of the furniture in a lovely and comforting way. The desire to be painted by the same rays of light blossomed in his chest. "Good point. There wasn't much to talk about anyway." Although the subject of Diluc and his family was still delicate, he did not wish to make Albedo back down on his decision to invite him to eat. The captain didn't want to make things awkward unnecessarily.

Albedo was about to apologize for mentioning his brother, but when Kaeya responded quickly his words died in his throat. Instead, he went to his desk that was attached to the wall with a window and began to tidy up his lab items. “Sorry for the mess, usually all my tools are in my camp in Dragonspine but due to a special case I had to bring them with me..”

“I have a feeling this special case is about Klee.” Kaeya answered, not really paying too much attention to the mess but more on how the precious sun reflected on the blonde's figure in a perfect way, as if the sun was searching for the alchemist among the universe so that it could illuminate only him.

Where Kaeya was located, darkness ruled. There weren't many windows in the lab other than the one in front of the desk where Albedo was now, so the lighting was rather poor. The sun ignored Kaeya and simply paid attention to the blond, the captain watched from the back of the room submerged in the shadows as this scene unfolded.

“Precisely...” Albedo didn't notice or simply didn't care about the sun's visit, so he continued speaking without looking at the other man. "May I ask how you met her?"

"She was with Jean this morning."

Albedo made a small noise of approval as he finished his task of tidying up the desk. A few seconds of silence, he turned and looked at the captain with that permanent curious look that he has on his face. “I really wanted to let you know about my younger sister as soon as possible, but we never had a right time for it. Now that she's in town, I was planning on telling you. I see she beat me to it."

Kaeya saw what Albedo was trying to tell him.I'm really sorry, it's not that I don't trust you, I hope you understand.He smiled slightly, the slight rise in the corners of his lips barely noticeable, but anyway he did it genuinely.

"It's fine, I understand. We all have our secrets, don't we?" He pronounced, bringing his body closer to a nearby couch. He sat in a corner and rested his elbow on an armrest while his hand rested on his cheek in turn.

Secrets. That word was repeated like an echo in Albedo's head. He knew that Kaeya wasn't from Mondstadt just like he knew that Albedo wasn't either, but the blond knew that Kaeya had more secrets than anyone else probably knows besides himself. He found out about the day where everything fell apart for Kaeya when he heard the news of Crepus' death and the departure of his biological son, and when Kaeya was promoted to the new cavalry captain he observed every little detail of the blue-haired's face from the background of the celebration. Although the alchemist shared a few words with him one night in the stables, it feels like Albedo hasn't done anything for Kaeya, like Albedo didn't care about everything the other man was going through.

And that is not true, Albedo cared, and perhaps more than he would like to show. He wished he could make Kaeya feel good, that he could forget his pain and he could just share what he felt to ease that heaviness in his chest. Albedo didn't understand why Kaeya don't talk about what happened. Every time someone brings up his family, he immediately changes the subject as if it were forbidden.

If Kaeya spoke and expressed everything that happened, he would not be as sad as he is now, and although he tries to prove otherwise, he shows the fatigue and pain that are engraved on his skin.

Albedo just don't get it. He pursed his lips and opted to let Kaeya's comment slide. "We should start eating soon, we both have a lot of work to attend to." He left his current position and approached a table with some bags with homemade food.

Kaeya noticed how Albedo consciously ignored his comment, a smile hooked on his lips as he watched from the sofa as the blonde heated up the food in a microwave he had hidden. "That sounds like an excellent idea to me, Chief Alchemist, I can't wait to try your food."

A minute later, Albedo took the food out of the microwave and steam was coming out of it, demonstrating the temperature of the food. It didn't take long for the blonde to sit next to the other man on the two-person couch, and quickly handed him the food so he could finally feed himself for what was probably the first time all day.

At the same time that he gave him the food, he also lent him a small set of basic cutlery; a fork and a knife, just in case. Kaeya gave silent thanks as he looked at the contents of the food container, trying to guess what was in the food just by looking at it.

Albedo began to eat his own food, and seeing that Kaeya was more interested in watching than eating it, he swallowed what he was chewing so he could speak. “It 's noodles. It has a little sauce.”

“I see...” Kaeya nodded, still looking at the food. Deciding it was enough to just stare like a hungry dog, he set up his utensils and began digging for the noodles. He hadn't realized how hungry he was until he'd tasted the home cooking of the man next to him. "Albedo... This is really good, have you ever considered giving up the position of alchemist to dedicate yourself to cooking?" He teased, but not before swallowing the contents of his mouth, although the food really was spectacular anyway and he appreciates it.

Albedo gave a small giggle but continued to pay attention to his own noodles. “I'm glad you like it. I'm sorry for not having proper dishes, a laboratory full of chemicals is no place for porcelain things."

"It's totally fine, don't worry, these plastic little containers are more than enough."

They spent time there together eating and sharing little stories and brief interactions they have had with other people. They chatted and filled their stomachs while laughing and sharing their similar tastes. Albedo didn't even realize that the containers were empty a long time ago and lunch time had ended hours ago, a comforting warmth settled on his chest as he watched the captain speak with a smile. He hopes that his plan has been a success, and that he has contributed a little to the happiness of the other man.

His lab was no longer empty nor lacked a familiar warmth. Kaeya's smile illuminated every inch of it, and in his heart the deep feeling of affection began to blossom.

-

Kaeya doesn't know what happened.

Yesterday was a good day, ignoring that little moment in the morning and if he only focused on the time he spent with Albedo chatting in the afternoon. If he ignored the fact that he cried in Jean's arms over a horrendous and disgusting act done by his own hands and just focused on remembering how Albedo looked at him and smiled when he spoke then he could claim that the day was excellent.

Even after all that, Kaeya doesn't know why he woke up the next day wanting to die.

It was a good day, he was fine for the most part. So why does he barely find the energy to get up? It was an immense job to lift one foot out of the comfortable bed and it was even more difficult to bring himself to continue with his life.

Archons, this is frustrating. The captain completely lost control of his emotions. The day before he was satisfied with what he had, and the next day in the early hours of the morning he found himself walking directly to the cemetery with a bottle of wine in hand.

Some of the citizens must have been awake already, but he didn't care. He doubted that anyone would visit the graveyard at such an early hour, so he claimed the graveyard as his own for at least an hour.

An hour would be enough to visit his father, right? It hasn't been that long after all...

At the entrance to the cemetery, Kaeya stopped. How long has it been since Master Crepus's funeral? His eye was stranded in time, trying to figure out how many days, or weeks, or months have passed since Crepus passed away.

How long has Kaeya been without his father and brother?

He lost count long ago, the notion of time lost its sense since he lost his family. He continued with the weak footsteps of him and stood in front of the tomb that stands out from all the others. He didn't need to read the name to know who it was, and he consciously ignored the grave next to.

"Hey, father. I don't know if I should really keep calling you that, but it doesn't matter." Kaeya began to ramble, his voice barely being heard by the wind itself. He doesn't know if talking to a piece of stone would be healthy or worsen his mental state, he just hopes Crepus can hear all the shit he has to say.

"I know you told me I should never even think about drinking one of these, even if your wealth depended on it." The captain lazily lifted the bottle up into the air, continuing to ramble looking directly at the rock. "But I was never oblivious to the taste of wine and that doesn't matter right now, now I just want to have a drink with my father."

Kaeya removed the cork in one practiced motion and brought the bottle to his mouth. There was a second where Crepus's disappointed look crossed his line of vision, causing his to almost back away, but he completely ignored it and in the end he ended up downing half the bottle. He finished his drink and wiped his mouth, the rest of the liquid was scattered on the ground under his feet and absorbed by the corpse of the former owner of the wine production.

“I know you had problems with this, I saw you drink every night while you cried. I always understood why you expected none of your children to fall into the same vice as you, I knew it was harmful, but that didn't stop me." The bottle barely held steady in the captain's cold, unsteady fingers. "Does it matter now? You are dead, and your two sons are lost. And it's all your fault."

There was a small silence, as if Crepus was listening intently to everything Kaeya had to say and was simply processing his words. The wind blew in a little hiss over the city, slightly ruffling the captain's hair but he ignored it, nor did he blow it away from his face. Right now, it was more important to keep an eye on father.

Kaeya had a lot to say, he really did. He could release the words into the air but he knew that the wind would take them away, his father will never listen to everything he has stored in his chest, Kaeya will only look like a fool if he continues to talk with his father's grave.

He wanted to yell, yell at the stone in front of him, yell at the brother who ran away like a coward and left the little brother with all the weight in the world, but he was sotired. He just wanted to go back to bed and sleep. But he felt that he had to do this, he felt that at least he owed his father a little bit of anger to show him how bad was the idea of helping the kid he decided to adopt in a terrible storm.

The captain gripped the bottle tighter and hurled it straight at the tombstone. There was no anger written on his face, but in his chest the rage burned alive. All he saw was the red of the wine.

Red. The favorite and representative color of the Ragnvindr. How he hated that color. If he ever saw his brother's fiery reddish hair again he'd… he…

He would do nothing. He would never dare hurt his brother even if he did try to kill him. He could swear that he hated that ruby-eyed man, that he wanted him to suffer wherever he was and that he didn't care about his state, but that's a blatant lie. He cares deeply, the vision pyro is still hidden in his room even if it causes him to panic just looking at his glow, but he forces himself to do it to make sure his foolish older brother is still alive. Kaeya just wants him to come back, even if the only reason for him coming back is to finish his work then he would accept it. He just wanted to see his brother again, even if it was only from a distance, even if he couldn't hug him or look at him with the same eyes that he had looked at him years ago with such innocence.

Suddenly, all the frustrated energy evaporated the minute he threw the bottle, as if that one small action had used up every little bit of energy he had left.

Kaeya was afraid, he felt so alone and useless. He didn't deserve the position of cavalry captain, he didn't deserve the people who cared for him, he never deserved the city to welcome him as an outsider in the first place. He deserved to stay in his homeland and sink with his family in catastrophe, if his biological father hadn't shown so much interest in maintaining his stupid life to maintain the Alberich legacy then Crepus might still be alive.

Remembering his birth father being at Crepus's grave felt like betraying family once again. That man didn't give a shit about the status of his son, he just wanted to make sure he was still breathing to complete the mission of revenge against the archons, and if they were lucky also continue the reign of the lost nation.

Frustrated, Kaeya leaned back against the cold stone and let out a breath. "Last hope, huh? What a fucking joke.."

He watched the broken glass strewn on the ground and how its contents had been spilled to the last drop. He regretted doing this, otherwise he would have something to drown out his miserable cries.

Not wanting to keep thinking about the great waste he just made, he looked up at the sky where the sun every second strengthened its morning rays of light. He wonders if his brother is watching the same sun as him right now, and he hopes he is.

For a moment, he imagines a life where Diluc didn't leave. They would be sharing the pain for the loss of the same father, they would support each other to bear the deep sadness that the death of a loved one would bring, and they would share the preparations to carry out his funeral. A lifetime passed through his eye as he watched the last moments of dawn, he wouldn't be so torn with his older brother by his side.

As a sign of respect, or perhaps mockery, the morning birds stayed away from the cemetery as much as in Kaeya's mind and instead, silence reigned.

"Oh Diluc, I wonder if you still think of me the way I think of you."

This time being one of the first times that he has said this name out loud, it caused him nausea that he masked with the excuse of being drunk, even though he had only drunk half a bottle of wine.

The captain got used to the lack of response and the wind hitting his face, his body immobilized against his father's tombstone as he continued to hang under the weak heat of the star of the universe.

Chapter Text

Klee watched from a chair in the laboratory as Albedo searched through his mess of papers for a lost item.

The blond let out a small mutter of annoyance that Klee couldn't hear. "Sorry Klee, but Dodoco doesn't seem to be here either."

"Aw shucks.." The girl lowered her head in disappointment. "I don't know where he may be.."

"Do you remember when you realized that he was no longer in your backpack?"

"...No.." She replied quietly, saddened to lose her best friend. "Today I woke up and Dodoco just wasn't in my backpack."

Albedo looked at Klee's expression with pity, he frowned and let out a sigh. It was noon, he was in the middle of an experiment when suddenly Klee interrupted his investigation saying that he lost his favorite toy. The blond would like to do something more for her but he wouldn't know exactly where to look and who to ask.

Knowing that it would be useless, Albedo still crouched down and knelt on the floor to search for the stuffed animal under the furniture. Klee looked at him hopefully.

I should sweep more often, the floor is full of dust.He thought as he observed the dirt accumulated under the tables, among all the dust and objects from failed experiments there was not the beloved fluffy stuffed animal.

A light bulb went off in Klee's head. "Perhaps Jean and the other knight have it."

"Oh yeah? Why?" Albedo was still lost in his thoughts of his poor hygiene in his laboratory.

"Because I was in Jean's office for most of the day yesterday, Dodoco must have fallen there and maybe one of them picked him up by accident."

Snapping back to the present, the blond made a mental note to deep clean and looked at her. "One of them? Who else was there besides Jean?"

"The pirate! We met while I was doing a crayon drawing. He said he knew you, and that's why I trusted him. Or else I wouldn't have talked to him, like you tell me to do when I'm with a stranger." She explained with a bright smile, she remembers that the man told her his name but she forgot.

"The pirate?" This captured his attention. He got up from the ground and dusted off his clothes. The only knight with an eyepatch came into his mind. A smile appeared on his face. "Does he have blue hair by any chance?"

Klee thought about it for two seconds, then nodded enthusiastically. "Yes! That 's him! He told me that my drawing was nice and that I was an artist. I liked mister uhh .."

"Kaeya." His name felt like candy on his tongue when pronouncing it, yesterday during lunch he had the opportunity to observe every detail of the captain up close. His biggest achievement so far has been making him happy, even if it was just for a couple of hours.

Albedo was very proud of having gotten a laugh or two from him with his jokes and anecdotes. His chest puffed out with happiness, he hoped to hear his voice again.

"Kaeya!! That was his name! What a strange name.." Klee raised her arms in victory as she remembered her name, even if Albedo had just told her. "Is he your friend?"

A more intimate life with the captain flashed through Albedo's eyes for a second. He quickly brushed it off and smiled at Klee like it was nothing. "We're pretty close, yes. Why do you ask?"

"He looked kind. But also sad. When I went to the bathroom and went back to the office, I saw Kaeya crying and Jean saying nice things to him. I didn't mean to intrude."

Albedo's expression changed to one of concern. "I'm very proud of you for not interrupting their conversation Klee, you made the right choice."

Klee seemed to forget what she just said and she just smiled again. "That's right! I have manners, Jean repeats that word almost every time."

Then, the girl continued to talk about other topics but Albedo was only half listening. His mind got stuck on what his sister said a few minutes ago.

Is Kaeya alright? He looked pretty good when we had lunch and talked in the afternoon. Did I miss something? Doubt filled his mind and guilt pricked his chest. Albedo wasn't being a good friend? Did Kaeya even consider him as a friend? Albedo would love for Kaeya to have a soft moment with him and express his emotions, all he wanted to do was help him.

But would Kaeya trust him enough to open up to him like he did to Jean?

His smile faded as he watched as Klee told him a story. Maybe he should just leave the captain alone.

Jean walked normally through the illuminated corridors while carrying a small mountain of papers in her hands, it didn't take long for her to reach a door made of refined wood and with beautiful gold-colored details on the edges.

She held the papers in one hand to free the other to open the door, making her way into the Grand Master's spacious office without difficulty. "Good afternoon sir, I bring you the reports you requested yesterday."

Varka's back was turned as he watched something on his desk with a hand on his chin, looking thoughtful. When he heard Jean's voice he turned around and gave her a small smile. “Ah, Miss Jean, thank you very much. Put the papers aside and come closer.”

Jean obeyed and was quickly at the man's side. She observed the same thing that Varka was observing, an open map was found on the desk plus countless papers and pencils, along with some rulers. "Is this a map of Mondstadt?"

Varka nodded, still keeping his eyes glued to the map. “Lately, we have been looking for options for a higher quality of life and betterment for our citizens of Mondstadt.” He raised a hand and pointed at the city on the map. “After decades, we decided that it was time to look at what lies beyond the stone walls.”

It took Jean a second to understand what Varka was saying, she stopped looking at the map and stared in wonder at the man next to her. “Grand Master Varka, are you planning to..?”

“Expand the city.” He interrupted and also looked at her. He returned his gaze to the map and ran a finger over the paper, drawing lines that represented some routes. "We will cross these paths that will facilitate the transfer of materials, but mainly it will help for the expedition that I have planned."

"Expedition? Who will be part of this?"

At this, Varka pursed his lips and his eyes hardened. Finally, his view moved away from the map again and he stared at Jean. “This is what I wanted to talk to you about, mainly.” His body turned and he stood in front of her.

Jean looked at him with concern but kept silent for the older man to speak, and instead she hid her hands behind her back to hide the nervousness that was slowly engulfing her from the information bombshell she had just received.

“The expedition will not be easy. What we will achieve with this trip will be affected throughout the city, regardless of whether we succeed or fail. We have the resources as well as the knights who are willing to shed their blood to bring about this change in the lives of the citizens, the preparations are already underway and the maps are all marked. But something so big for us and for the city must be taken into the hands of the one who originated the idea and is making it a reality.”

Varka spoke clearly as he looked at Jean with that hardness that he always carried in his words, but with each word Jean could see a warmth fill his eyes like a father teaching his daughter a lesson.

The man placed a hand on her shoulder in a comforting touch. “Being out there looking for alternatives for a bright future for all of us, I need to have the peace of mind that my city is in good hands. In your hands."

Jean's eyes widened with even more wonder and even a little fear. She shook her head slowly and looked from the hand on her shoulder to the warm eyes of the man. "I- Master Varka, I don't know if I'll be able... I... I'm not ready to-..."

"You are, Jean, I've seen your progress since day one." He smiled at her. “Of everyone in the headquarters and the city, there is no one else I trust in my absence besides you. I trust that you will be a great leader, and I know that they will too.” He emphasized the last words as he looked up at the large window next to him that overlooked the city from above.

Jean followed his gaze and took a moment to admire the houses and people walking through the city as normal. If Varka goes to that expedition and leaves her in charge, it means that the safety of all these lives depends on her and the knights taking orders from her herself.

A chill ran through her body at the thought of this, but if Varka trusted her with this important charge and in no one else then she would prove to him that he was not wrong in doing so. She closed her eyes briefly and finally looked with dedication at the man who still had a hand on her shoulder and looked at her hopefully.

"It is an honor to be able to fulfill this task, Master Varka. I will not let you or Mondstadt down.”

"So, Varka wants you to be the new Grand Master?"

"Acting Grandmaster.” She corrected Kaeya from her side of the couch as she massaged her temple. "Isn't that crazy? Of all people he chose me?!"

Kaeya was slumped on the same sofa looking at her with a bit of amusement. "I mean, yeah, it's crazy, but I don't think he was wrong to choose you."

Jean lowered her hand and looked at him in disbelief. "What do you mean?"

“You're a great leader Jean, besides, you need to stop thinking of yourself as just a new recruit who doesn't even know how to hold a sword properly. You have an important role among the knights, and you would pretty much do the same as you do now just with a fancier title.” Kaeya lifted his shoulders as he looked at her from his comfortable, relaxed position.

She looked at him for a few seconds and sighed, lowering her gaze. "It won't just be what I've done for years Kae, now the city will look to me as a leader, as someone they can trust completely for the safety of their families. I don't know if I can take that pressure."

“Hey...” Kaeya sat up from the couch and straightened his back to look at her with a little more seriousness. “You'll do this great, trust yourself. From the moment you enlisted in Favonius's knights the city began to trust you to take care of them, after all, that is your job. Now it will not be different, it may not be easier than the job you are used to, but just as you got used to that position, you will do it with this one.”

Jean closed her eyes and slumped onto Kaeya's shoulder to rest her head there. "Since when did you become a poet?" She asked quietly, trying to lighten the conversation.

Kaeya smiled, the scar on his eye beginning to itch. "Since I became a pirate." he said in a hoarse whisper.

Jean let out a short laugh and continued speaking slowly. "That 's dumb."

"Yeah .." The blue-haired sighed, still with a weak smile on his face and relaxing his muscles on the sofa with Jean still on his shoulder. ".. It is."

There was a little silence after that. The two kept their eyes lost on the floor or somewhere in the room, Jean digested the words of his friend trying to find some meaning while Kaeya thought about what life would be like without Varka. It was a matter of time before someone else left his life. When will it be the turn of his friend who was currently on his shoulder?

"Thank you." Jean interrupted the silence, without moving an inch.

"You are welcome." He simply responded, closing his one eye.

Tonight as usual Angel's Share was absolutely awash with townspeople and knights having a drink or two and sharing stories with the people.

It wasn't the first time Kaeya had visited the tavern since that fateful day, but he couldn't stop a wave of nostalgia from flooding his body from head to toe every time he entered the place.

He sat on his usual stool and leaned his elbows on the counter as he watched as Charles approached him with a concerned look that he has reserved for Kaeya ever since Diluc left.

"Captain Kaeya, how are you today?" He spoke to him in a warm tone unlike the other customers to whom he simply spoke in a neutral and friendly tone.

Those worried eyes reminded him of Crepus. He couldn't hold his gaze any longer.

Kaeya looked at the counter and gave a barely audible husky giggle as he shook his head. "Don't look at me like that Charles, I'm just another knight looking for a drink, that's all."

The grown man took note of the captain's drawn-out, tired voice and simply pursed his lips. He has worked for this wine industry for over a decade, and watching the adopted son of the man he admired crumble in front of him and could do nothing but increase his addiction to alcohol broke his heart and made him feel useless.

Many years ago, Kaeya would ask him questions with endless curiosity about the world in general when he first arrived at the mansion. Charles looked at him strangely when the little boy hallucinated with the blue sky and the clouds that adorned it, his eyes lit up as if he had never seen sunlight.

Now that glow was gone, and Charles doubts it'll ever reappear in that lonely, pain-filled eye.

He wonders if he is letting Master Crepus down by not doing anything for his children. He resigned himself to holding his position on his job and praying that would be enough.

The man pulls out a glass and begins mixing sparkling white wine and dandelion wine to create the drink the captain has been obsessed with lately. Quickly, a Death After Noon came into the captain's hand and without wasting another second he brought it to his lips to savor the exquisite flavor that this excellent recipe gave him.

One glass became two, then three, and now the fourth was in his cold hand.

Although the captain looked tired enough not to be open to some quick conversation, Charles figured he wouldn't lose anything if he tried.

"Do you know that bard over there?" He pointed to a green-robed youth playing a harp to a crowd with a smile.

Kaeya slowly turned his head to where Charles was pointing as he touched the rim of his glass. "Barely, I've noticed that he looks at me more than usual."

As if he is judging me, he thought but didn't say.

"Mh, how weird. Don't take it personally though, he's just like that. Maybe he found you interesting." Charles gave a small laugh to which Kaeya responded with a smile.

"Perhaps." he stopped looking at the bard and took another sip of his drink, thinking the conversation was over.

But Charles opened his mouth again after five minutes of silence. "Adelinde misses you, you know. We all do."

Fuck. Kaeya kept his eye glued to the liquid in his glass, not daring to look up. He didn't want to have this conversation, especially after nearly four glasses of Dead After Noon. "Is that so?"

"Yes…" Charles grabbed a wet glass and began to wipe it dry with a cloth. "Haven't you thought about…coming back? You know, to the mansion."

He doesn't know that Diluc disowned me?, he thought bitterly, still not looking at him. "Sorry, I already have a place here in the city." Liar.

"Since Master Crepus passed away and Master Diluc left, I've had to take care of everything." Charles spoke slowly, Kaeya bites his bottom lip. "The vineyard does not belong to me, I am just a simple worker. I thought that since you are the heir to the industry, you-"

Kaeya quickly cut him off. "I'm not." The grip on the glass tightened and finally his eye met Charles's tired eyes.

Charles shouldn't be carrying this weight. But neither did he.

The bartender sighed and continued cleaning the glass, focusing on his task. "You have the right to come back, you know, you were his son too."

Kaeya frowned as he felt his lips tremble slightly. He closed his mouth in a straight line trying to stop the tremors, the declaration of the man caught him off guard. He doesn't think he can go back to the mansion, not after what happened.

Diluc's words from his fight struck his memory like a flaming sword charging straight to his heart.

“Get out of here, and never show yourself in the city again, you traitor.” he uttered, his voice filled with venom and disgust as his eyes narrowed intimidatingly. “If you ever decide to come back, I'll finish what I started.”

His entire body began to shake and his breath caught in his throat. Trying to hide it he simply shook his head and took another sip of his powerful drink. "You don't understand Charles, just leave it."

"I… I know I don't know all the details, but whatever happened, we will never deny you entry. I'm sure when Diluc returns he will be happy to see you and-"

Kaeya slammed his glass against the counter and stood up angrily. His eye looked directly at Charles with a controlled but cold anger, not explosive like his brother's, but it still made him no less intimidating.

"I said, leave it, Charles. That's enough." He emphasized his words with anger. He watched as Charles melted under his gaze and any attempts to come back to say anything were burned.

The captain took out a small bag with some coins and left it on the counter, without taking his eyes off him. Then he turned around, ignoring the stares of the others, and left the tavern with nothing more to say.

His confident footsteps melted as he left the tavern and began walking through the deserted streets of Mondstadt. It was quite late, the moon was already up, and all the shops had already closed. The alcohol was already taking effect in his system, his feet were unsteady and his vision was cloudy.

He's lucky no one was around to see him like this, even though he only had four glasses, the drink he drank was incredibly strong and potent. It was a bad idea to go to the tavern tonight.

He leaned against a random wall to catch his breath, then he continued walking.

Maintaining a snail's pace for fear of falling as he did not trust himself to walk, after what seemed like years he finally reached the central fountain.

He sat on the edge and watched the night sky. Thousands of stars looked back at him, there was no cloud to interrupt the captain's encounter with the little lights of the spacious sky. The moonlight flooded Mondstadt like a beacon of light, Kaeya looked directly at the full moon and wondered if there was someone there who was looking at the earth like he was looking at the moon.

As a child, Kaeya dreamed of traveling into space. He didn't even know if it was possible, nor has he heard or read records of anyone ever doing it, but his life on Khaenri'ah taught him that there is more life in space than previously thought. The human has the possibility of traveling to the unknown.

Kaeya wasn't interested in ruling the planets, he just wanted to see the stars up close.

He narrowed his eyes and raised a hand to the sky and stretched out his fingers, tracing the constellations that he has kept in his memory since his childhood in the lost nation.

In his drunken state and deep concentration on the stars, he didn't even notice a presence approaching and positioning next to him.

"Do you like stars?"

"I love them." Kaeya answered easily, his hand falling away from the sky and simply letting it fall to his side. "I'm trying to search for Orion, but with the illumination of this full moon it's almost impossible."

"I understand that in fall it's more visible. It should be easier to see it these days."

"No, not autumn. Winter. Mondstadt is in the northern hemisphere, so you can see more at that time of year."

Albedo sat next to him at the fountain, still looking up at the sky. "Interesting. I had no idea. I see you're an expert on the stars."

Kaeya laughed, the husky, calm voice ringing in the blond's ears like a soft melody. "The stars were all I had when I was little, even if I couldn't even see them."

The alchemist knew what he meant, but he didn't think he would ever hear Kaeya himself say this out loud. "Space is…truly fascinating."

"And beautiful." The captain responded without missing a beat, still looking around for some constellations.

Albedo looked at the man next to him, leaving the view of space. He took some time to admire the calm and peaceful face of the usual busy and sad captain.

"It is."

He doesn't know if he was referring to the stars or the captain next to him.

Kaeya snapped out of his trance and looked at him with that deep blue eye with a star-shaped pupil that so captivated the alchemist. He felt that he was drowning in space while a million stars were looking at him deeply, and it was more and more precious to feel that sensation go through his soul.

Albedo thought that he was sinking into the captain's piercing gaze, the taller man's lips parted slightly as if he wanted to say or do something but he made no move.

The alchemist looked at his lips and wondered if they were as soft as they looked. He leaned into him a little as his hand slowly moved closer to the captain's hand that was resting on the edge of the fountain where they were sitting.

The moon shone on the two of them, their gazes met once Albedo forced himself to stop seeing the captain's lips that became more and more tempting to kiss. They were getting closer every second, they were mere inches from each other's faces. Albedo felt Kaeya's sweet breath hit his nostrils, he must have left the tavern a few minutes ago.

Albedo reached up a hand and brushed a loose strand of Kaeya's hair away and wrapped it lovingly around his ear. Then he held his hand up and slowly moved closer to his cheek to cup and caress the cool skin there. At the touch the captain bowed, and he swore he saw stars twinkle in that lonely eye.

One more breath, and Albedo had fully leaned into the man in front of him. His lips met and Albedo could swear that they matched perfectly as he had thought they would. Kaeya returned the kiss awkwardly, slowly but steadily moving his lips in sync.

Albedo felt Kaeya move a little closer to him and entwined his hand over Albedo's free hand that was resting on the fountain. The alchemist in love brought his face closer to the captain's trying to sink deeper into the sensation while his other hand continued to caress his cheek slowly. The two had plunged into a long-awaited and dreamed-of kiss, Albedo could feel getting drunk on the other man's soft lips.

Still with their eyes closed, they separated a few millimeters to sigh and they connected their lips again, still maintaining the same position.

The second kiss was shorter than the first, slowly Kaeya pulled away a bit, scaring the alchemist that he had done something wrong.

But the captain simply smiled at him, removing any trace of lingering concern from the blond's face.

They looked at each other for a few more seconds as they caught their breath, the moon lay long forgotten and the attention of the two men was focused on the other.

Albedo smiled as well, not quite able to believe that the most beautiful man in Teyvat was right in front of him. He almost succumbed to the temptation to kiss him again to confirm that he was real.

"Do you want to come to my house?" Albedo asked, his voice sounding small in the darkness of the night.

"I'd love to." He answered with that slightly hoarse and warm voice that wrapped around the alchemist's heart since they met.

Chapter Text

"How much did you drink?" He asked him as he held his hand in a feather-light touch while walking.

"Not much, don't worry. I only visited the tavern for a few minutes.” Kaeya responded, trying to keep up with the blond with his feet that didn't want to fully obey. Although it wasn't really a lie, his four drinks of dead after noon managed to affect his demeanor anyway.

“Okay…” Albedo looked away and simply continued walking, embarrassed for being too focused on the glove texture of the hand he was holding so gently and lovingly.

The night was still quiet. Being so late, they didn't find civilians walking the streets and from time to time they spotted a couple of knights patrolling on their night shift. Normally it would take Albedo about fifteen minutes to get to his house if he kept up a steady pace, but with Kaeya slightly intoxicated by alcohol his clumsy steps made it take twice as long.

Not that Albedo is complaining, if it meant extra time to wander uninterrupted through the streets of Mond at night with a certain captain he's been thinking of most often then he's only too happy to agree to certain terms.

They finally made it to the blonde's house, regretting having to let go of Kaeya's hand to get the keys and open the door. While he inserted the keys in the lock, the captain waited for him behind him, looking at the house with mild surprise.

"I didn't know that your house has two floors."

Albedo chuckled to himself at his genuinely astonished tone. "Yeah, well, Klee also lives here so I need the extra space." The keys turn and the door opens. "Why are you surprised?" He turns his head and looks at the captain with a slight smile.

"It's just, you seem to like small and comforting places more than big, spacious ones." He averted his gaze from the house and looked at the man in front of him who was walking in waving him to follow him.

"I- how did you know?" Albedo closes the door behind them and it's his turn to be genuinely surprised. He knew that Kaeya was known for being extremely observant and calculating, but he didn't know that he could literally read minds.

Kaeya looked at him strangely, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “You told me so yourself. Also, your lab is small.”

Albedo stared back at him, his memory seems to be deteriorating because he doesn't really remember saying that to him. He should stop rambling when he is busy, he tends to talk excessively and share personal things when he is concentrating on something and someone is talking to him. "Yes you're right.."

The captain just smiled at him and began to look at the house and its decorations. He left the main entrance and inched a little further, running his long fingers over the furniture testing its textures and looking at the plants and photos that posed on them. In the main room there was a large fireplace along with some furniture and shelves full of books. Kaeya walked over and pulled out a book at random, inspecting the cover of it.

“Vera's Melancholy volume VI… This one is good, although its prequels surpass it.” He mentioned, remembering when he used to be obsessed with books and reading in general. He spent more time in the library than in his own house. “I didn't know you were interested in the adventure genre. I am discovering many new things about you, dear chief alchemist.”

Albedo walked over to him and took out another book from the same shelf. “I also didn't know that the cavalry captain liked to read random trivia and that he had such bad taste. Clearly the sequels are better." He said in a playful tone as he showed him another book that had the same title but written in the corner volume IX.

Kaeya laughed, and this time he really did, Albedo noticed. Ever since Kaeya returned to Mondstadt with severe burn wounds on his body and a bloody eye, his smiles and laughs sounded superficial and feigned as if he was forced to, not counting that time when Albedo invited him to eat at his laboratory. Albedo took a moment to look at his face as he winced with a laugh, his smile was perfect, his tanned skin looked so soft to the touch that he had to suppress the desire to touch him but this time without gloves. Looking into his eye was like seeing the stars reflected in a crystal lake in the moonlight, always full of confidence even if he himself felt weak and small.

And most importantly, his laugh. Oh Archons, he could listen to his voice all day, and the sound of his laughter was even more beautiful. As long as Albedo was alive, he would do anything to hear Kaeya express his happiness at being around him.

Kaeya quieted his small laugh, and without really thinking about it Albedo raised his hand and gently cupped his cheek. The blond acted as fast as if he could stop Kaeya from stopping laughing with the movement of his hand. The captain looked at him with slight surprise, the traces of his laughter almost faded, making Albedo sad.

"You..." The alchemist frowned slightly, still holding his hand on his cheek. “.. you are really beautiful.”

And of all the reactions that Albedo expected, Kaeya surprised him with a reaction that the alchemist himself thought he would never see. Albedo was perhaps waiting for a smile or another laugh, or he too was waiting for the captain to awkwardly return the compliment. He even waited for him to leave right there realizing it was a waste of time to hang out at his house.

But instead, a blush came over the cavalry captain's own cheeks. And Albedo quickly realized that this was now his favorite expression of Kaeya's.

Just when he thought his crush on him couldn't get any bigger, Kaeya scrambled all of his thoughts in just a second.

The captain blinked perplexed, slightly parted his lips to say something but closed them immediately. His eyebrow arched, and deciding that he couldn't hold the gaze of the man in front of him for another second, his eye fell to the ground as he pursed his lips slightly, feeling the heat on his face expanding to his ears.

Albedo felt a voice in his head scream excitedly, but his face remained as neutral as he could. He regretted not having a notebook and a pencil to draw to save this moment for eternity, he simply limited himself to inspecting his face more delicately so he could draw later. Seizing the moment, he removed his hand from his face to quickly remove the glove he almost always wore for simple comfort, and he cupped Kaeya's cheek again. Skin, usually cold, was hot from the blush. Albedo traced his cheekbone with his thumb, smiling as he confirmed that his skin was as smooth as it looked.

Albedo could kiss him here and now for the third time tonight, but he didn't know if that was allowed. He wasn't sure if Kaeya really wanted that, nor did he know if he felt the same way about him. Maybe the kiss was a mistake, a slip of the captain, at any moment Kaeya could walk away and just leave, and the next day he would appear as if nothing had happened just as he acted when his entire family left and his life fell sharply just the same day.

His racing thoughts continued, endless sad endings where Kaeya abandoned him flashed through his mind. Maybe they shouldn't be together, maybe he should be in his lab where he was originally headed tonight before finding Kaeya sitting in the fountain. Perhaps Albedo should remove his hand and throw him out of his house saying that it was a misunderstanding even if he himself knew that this was not the case. Maybe-

As his hand was slipping from his cheek, he felt a gloved hand press him to stay in his place and continue in his position. All thoughts stopped and there was simply silence in his mind as he looked at Kaeya recovering from his earlier blush and parting his lips again to speak.

"Albedo..." His eye was still glued to the ground, his expression mixed with sadness and a forced and trembling smile. "..If you continue acting like this, I'm afraid I'll fall in love with someone who doesn't feel the same way about me." He looked up and finally met his eyes, looking as small and weak as he felt.

The alchemist kept his eyes locked on his glowing eye, a slight puzzlement crossing his mind as he felt the captain's hand press against his own hand.

Realizing his mistake; Kaeya thinks that Albedo is playing with him, taking advantage of his moment of weakness. Albedo lifted his other hand, cupping Kaeya's cheeks and forcing him to continue looking into his eyes. "I never said that I didn't feel anything for you, Kaeya."

Kaeya looked at him almost pleadingly, as if he were silently asking him not to hurt him, not to abandon him like they all did. "Show me then."

Albedo stood on his toes at the difference in height and leaned into his face, his gaze briefly drifting to his lips and back to his eye. "Can I..?"

The captain did not reply with words and instead nodded his head. Albedo, who was still holding his face with both of his hands, broke the small distance between them and pressed his warm lips to Kaeya's. The taller man quickly followed his pace, savoring the blonde's lips who kept getting closer every second so he could feel the captain closer to his body.

Albedo inserted his tongue a little into the other's mouth, silently asking for permission. Kaeya responded with a slight hum and simply parted his lips a little more to allow entry to the blonde who without waiting further did exactly that.

The silent room was filled with the sounds of his lips and mouths meeting with slight ferocity and desire. His breaths mingled, parting briefly to exhale and meeting their lips again.

The books lay forgotten on the shelf, previously thrown with disorder and unconsciousness due to the care that perhaps they should have taken. They were too busy and focused on each other to care about a lifeless object. All of Albedo's worries were instantly dispelled, he feels stupid from the thoughts of him from a few minutes ago; he is glad to have Kaeya in his house, he is grateful not to be in his laboratory but in his house, he is infinitely hopeful for this relationship with him and finally proud to have spoken to the captain when he found him alone watching the stars.

What would have become of them if Albedo had not been brave enough to take the first and most important step?

Alice would be so proud of him.

She had left Mondstadt to go on an adventure, and although she was not his biological mother she cared for him as much as she did with her daughter. She knew that he was strong, in a dangerous situation Albedo would get out of it one way or another. But in a social situation, with Albedo's poor conversational skills it would have cost him his life.

Who would have thought that Albedo, who in his first year in the city hardly spoke to people and did so only when he was extremely important, is kissing the cavalry captain and having been the one who started everything. Albedo would love to see Alice's shocked face upon hearing this, she would go crazy.

Even if the alchemist could spend all day kissing the captain, at some point they had to part. Albedo admired Kaeya's small blush, knowing exactly that his face reflects the same emotion. They smiled at each other, unlike the meeting at the fountain this kiss meant something bigger; it meant acceptance and mutual longing. The doubts long gone, Albedo wishes to know what Kaeya thinks.

"How do you feel?" He asked him directly.

"Happy." Kaeya responded, still with a small smile plastered on his face. "You?" He asked instead, with a hint of fear at the thought that the other might be dissatisfied with his being.

"Oh Kaeya, I have never experienced what I am feeling right now before. I can say that, I am truly satisfied."

He approached his face again but didn't go to his lips, instead, he kissed his cheek. He planted a small kiss there, his lips barely brushing his skin, but still Kaeya could feel the meaning behind the small act. A promise.

They wanted to be able to talk more, they wished they could spend more waking time together just hanging out. But each minute that passed brought closer to dawn, and tomorrow they both had work to do.

But that was fine, they weren't bothered by that thought. They have time, they would have every day ahead of them to get closer and spend time together. Albedo took Kaeya's hand, still smiling, and together they began to walk to show him the way to his room.

That night, it was the first time Kaeya had slept well in weeks.

His mind forced him to relive the events of that rainy night, causing nightmares every night, denying him rest.

Even before that fateful day, his head was flooded with nightmares regarding his home nation and his fearsome father whose skin crawled just remembering it. His eye that was hidden by an eyepatch was what reminded him of where he came from, the only connection he had to Khaenri'ah was stuck to his face like a curse. Looking in the mirror was getting harder.

But when Albedo walked him to bed, for the first time he forgot who he was. After nights of insomnia, Kaeya actually managed to sleep.

In the morning the sun had risen brilliantly. The two men had already left to begin their jobs as favonius knights. Kaeya was currently on a matter that he would like to be able to get over with as soon as possible.

Although his night had been incredible and his morning fascinating, all the energy he had mustered was put in jeopardy by having to go down to the cellar headquarters underground. After all, his job was more than just filling out reports and worrying about expeditions.

The sunny day lost all trace down here, he almost felt bad for the prisoners who didn't know the beautiful sun was just above them. Almost.

As he walked through the torch-lit corridors, he watched the prisoners behind some bars, who stared back at him with contempt and fear. The captain coolly ignored them and simply continued on his way to a specific cell, which was almost down the hall.

When he arrived, he watched the man who was wrapped in his own arms hiding from the world in a corner of his cell. He moved a little closer to the bars and looked at the left hand that had no nails, remembering the night Kaeya did it himself. He didn't feel sorry for that.

"Good morning. Beautiful day outside, don't you think?"

The man pulled his head out of his arms and gave him an angry but fearful look. Kaeya smiled with fake happiness and continued speaking.

"Well, it's not like you know. Tell me, when was the last time you saw the sun?"

A small, scratchy voice answered him. "I don't remember. I didn't even know it was day." He spat angrily. "You were late in coming, I thought you had given up on us."

"I'm surprised you have the nerve to talk to me like that, even after losing a few teeth." The captain crossed his arms, his face unreadable. No emotion was shown in his eye. "Since you're so talkative today, I suppose you'll cooperate with me, right?"

The man groaned in frustration, closing his eyes and letting his head fall back, hitting it against the stone wall. He ran a hand over his face, looking tired and still sore from his injuries. "Man I already told you everything I know, I really have no idea why they sent us."

Kaeya inspected his face closely, the weariness genuine but his words unconventional. "Very well, if you don't want to talk, I'll have a word with the rest of your group."

This got a reaction from the man. His eyes widened and he got up off the ground. "N-no, wait! They… they don't know either… you'd be wasting your time."

At his hesitation, Kaeya knew he was finally coming to something. "Oh, is that so?"

The thief lowered his gaze. "Maybe… maybe I know something, I just remembered… but please don't hurt them…"

Kaeya simply raised an eyebrow, indicating for him to continue. "We heard the news that the owner of the wine empire died, and the most important family in Mondstadt had parted ways on the same day."

How to forget that day? It's only been a couple of weeks, the wounds still feel too present on his body.

He kept talking; "The city was weak, the dirty knights lacked a captain and... well." He sighed and waved his hands in defeat at delivering this information. "My boss took advantage of that weakness."

"-And why did you tell me a few days ago that you and your group had come to the city for the cavalry captain?"

"...I uh.."

"Answer, if you don't want me to-" Kaeya intimidatingly moved closer to the cell but a knight who came over ruined his sentence.

"Excuse me, Captain. There is a matter that needs to be attended to by you."

Kaeya looks at her, showing only a small part of his irritation on his face. He crossed his arms, walking briefly away from the cell. "You're interrupting my work here. Who let you into the underground?"

"The guards, sir. It's urgent." The woman responded, a little afraid as she was about to confirm the rumors of the cavalry captain being ruthless towards thieves.

Kaeya doesn't know what this matter could be that is so urgent that they had to interrupt their little 'chat' with this guy. Anyway, this conversation can continue at another time. It's not like he can just get up and walk away.

He gives one last contemptuous look at the thief, who returns him with a similar look, and he leaves the underground with the knight leading the way.

The walk was longer than the captain expected. They climbed the long stone stairs that led to the cathedral and entered through the great doors. The cathedral was illuminated by the rays of the sun, there were a few nuns and citizens sitting on the benches praying or simply talking. The woman leading Kaeya walked past the corridor and went directly to a secluded area.

Here was the healing zone, like a hospital but smaller. Kaeya has spent more time here than usual tending to his still itchy scars. The knight led him to a room where there were other knights surrounding an unknown person, and when they noticed that the captain had finally arrived, they all turned to look at him with hope.

"Captain Kaeya! We're glad you're here!"

"I have been informed that you requested my presence." Hiding his earlier irritation, he smiled reassuringly. "What is the problem?"

The knights moved away from where they were so that Kaeya could see what they were surrounding. A woman, who if he could guess is about his age, with short dark pink hair, lay on a stretcher, apparently unconscious.

"We found her in a bandit camp." One of them spoke.

Kaeya studied the woman carefully. "What happened to her group?"

"They were… eliminated."

There was a small awkward silence, which Kaeya accepted the moment to analyze the body. At first glance, the woman was full of dirt and even a little blood, her clothes were of poor quality and on some edges she had holes. He saw her as a prisoner forced to live with people of bad blood.

She reminded him of his childhood before Mond.

"Have you collected information about her? Was she kidnapped by the bandits?" The captain interrupted the silence.

"We doubt it, Captain. When we went on the attack, she fought with them as allies."

Kaeya listened as he walked over to the gurney and took a closer look. Her arm sleeve was drenched in a dark liquid, and the captain lifted the cloth, not surprised to see a fresh cut there.

"Tell me, why hasn't this woman received medical attention yet?"

A knight was about to answer but the woman who had interrupted his moment in the underground answered. "Because we needed direct orders from you, Captain. Without our superior, we couldn't make a decision."

Kaeya couldn't really blame them for being almost completely dependent on the captains, but that's not going to stop him from having mixed feelings.

"If a life is in danger, and neither I nor any of the captains are around to make a decision, will you let that life be wasted through your inability to take leadership?"

The other knights lowered their heads in acknowledgment and kept their mouths shut, but the same woman spoke again. "N-no sir! That's not it! We just wanted to do the right thing!"

"And the right thing would be to help those who need it." Kaeya notices more injuries than the cut on her arm. "We'll talk about this later in my office. For now, bring in the deaconess."

"What..? Captain, do you really want to heal this.. thief? She's a danger! We should do the same thing to her that we did to her group!" Another knight who was in the room yelled. The group looked at him with fear.

The taller man frowned and glanced at him. "What are you insinuating?" He asked, a warning sealed on his lips.

The guy squirmed inside slightly at his tone of voice but kept going. "We should eliminate her! It's only a matter of time before she steals us like her people do! "

Kaeya saw red. And not red like his brother's hair, but the red of the fire that burned his entire nation and years later left marks on his body.

When he first came to Mondstadt with his new family, comments like this filled his ears just for being different. And even up to now, there are still certain people who see him as if he does not fit between them.

He had to force himself not to break his neck in this instant.

He approached the knight, and each step he took, the more scared the younger man looked. When he found himself standing in front of him, he gave him the coldest yet completely furious look he could muster.

"If I ever hear you say that again, I'll make sure you never see the sunlight again."

And with that, the man straightened and nodded, making the official salute of Favonius's knights as a sign of respect. Cold sweat was falling on his forehead, his face was contracted by a very poorly hidden fear. When Kaeya cocked his head for him to go, he did exactly that without wasting another second. The others imitated the greeting and left the room, following the other skittish man.

Kaeya waited a few more seconds before speaking after the group left the room.

"You can drop the act now, we're alone"

The woman flinched at his words, and she wondered whether or not she should listen to him. She chose to accept her fate, and simply opened her eyes.

Kaeya saw the doubt in her dead eyes, so he easily answered her. "When I touched your arm, you flinched. You do play the unconscious person very well though, if you ask me."

The woman ignored his comment and snorted. She looked away from him and with a low, raspy voice, she said to him; "Just finish it quick."

Kaeya looked at her face but her hair covered her eyes. If what she, the woman, felt was fear or despair at having been captured by the knights, then she was very good at hiding it. But not so good that the captain didn't notice, her hands were tangled in the stretcher sheet.

"Do you think I'm going to kill you?" He asked, with a normal tone.

Again, a silence passed between the two of them. The woman was as still as a rock in a river.

"Isn't that why you captured me in the first place? To kill me."

Was death really that normalized in Mondstadt? Kaeya somehow felt responsible for this.

"I don't know what stories you've heard about us but, we don't usually take those who are 'destined' to be executed to the cathedral to be cured." He gave a half dry, half humorous chuckle. At this, the woman's fingers loosened slightly in her blanket.

On the small nightstand next to the stretcher there is a pitcher of water and a glass. Kaeya grabbed the pitcher and poured some of its liquid into the glass, then offered it to her. The woman looked at his hand and hesitated, on the verge of refusing.

"I know you're thirsty. Drink up. You're safe now."

And he could see how hard it was for her to trust what was supposed to be her enemy, but she had no choice. He lived the same when he was younger, but he had to accept his fate in the rain and soaked to the bone.

The cold hands of the woman approached and she took the glass with both, to swallow the water that she so longed for.

Kaeya simply watched. The moment he saw her, he knew that she wasn't really a danger to the city. And the second he noticed her pretending to be unconscious, he confirmed his thoughts. A dangerous person wouldn't do that. No, this woman was simply trying to survive. And Kaeya knows this situation better than anyone.

Kaeya was able to see through her survivor's mask. He could almost read the thoughts running through her mind.

"What's your name?" He asked her when she finished drinking.

Their eyes still didn't meet, the woman kept her eyes glued to the glass that both of her hands held.

"Rosaria." She said, her voice a little clearer than before thanks to the water.

Kaeya could read and decipher lies, and what surprised him most was to realize that this was not one of them.

"Rosaria." He repeated, feeling her name sound on his lips. "I am Kaeya."

Finally, the woman plucked up her courage and raised her head. In the process her hair moved out of her eyes and she got her first glimpse of the captain beside her. She was able to see for the first time, the person who saved her life.

"Welcome to Mondstadt, Rosaria."

Chapter Text

"Kaeya.. I… Archons. I'm an idiot." Diluc stared at him as the rain fell and poisoned his ears. "I'm a real idiot for genuinely believing that you were my brother."

Kaeya stood in front of him, his face cold as ice. His body was drenched from the path he traveled to reach the mansion where his brother lay in mourning.

Although he hoped with anticipation that his statement would not turn out well, he certainly wasn't prepared to hear that.

Getting no response, Diluc spoke again. This time his face was contorted with anguish and disgust. "After all... after everything father did for you, you decide to betray him on the day of his murder?"

Kaeya just stared at him, hoping he would finish this monologue as soon as possible.

This fills the other with rage. "Don't look at me like that. Don't you dare play the victim, you're already an expert at that aren't you? You're a manipulator. We all fell for your tricks."

The younger brother swallowed and lowered his eye to the ground. The anxiety in his chest didn't let him think straight, but he decided to join the conversation anyway.

"I don't know what else you want me to do, Diluc. I told you everything I had to say."

The scratchy and tired voice rang in Diluc's ears, whose eyes widened as he saw merely red. "Get out of my house, now."

"I live here too, you know."

Quickly, Diluc forcefully pushed the other against the door and pushed it open, making him fall on the front steps. Kaeya didn't have time to react, he didn't even notice when Diluc drew his sword from him.

The sharp and giant red sword was aimed directly at his chest which was rising and falling from his heavy breathing. And ironically, Kaeya could only fixate on the red eyes even more piercing than all.

After a tense silence where the two looked at each other with mixed emotions, Diluc once again broke the ice. "That night you arrived, I refused to let you in. If it weren't for father, you wouldn't even be alive. I didn't want you here from the start, I always knew we had to abandon you like your previous family did."

The sword began to plunge between his ribs and pierce through his heart. His eye watched in terror, but the pain never came.

"You were never a Ragnvindr. You will always be a dirty, filthy Alberich." Diluc's voice sounded distant, and this time Kaeya could hear the voice of the man who abandoned him in these unknown lands.

The sword plunged full, and Diluc parted his lips one last time.

"Go back to the shadows where you came from, Kaeya." Incessant tears streamed down his face, soaking his eyepatch. "People like you were never welcome in my city."

"Kaeya, wake up!"

Kaeya's good eye snapped open as soon as his brother's voice echoed in his head and was replaced by another but softer masculine voice. He sat up on the bed where he was sleeping with a hand on his chest in a futile attempt to calm his agitation.

Forced and labored breaths came out of his mouth to the point of feeling his throat scratchy and sore.

Cold sweat ran down his back in reaction to the fear he had just felt. Nightmares have haunted him for as long as he can remember, when he was little he dreamed of the lost nation and his biological family coming back for him and forcing him to accept his fate. And now, his nightmares were a mixture of that and the horrible rainy day that he could never forget no matter how hard he tried.

He closed his eye and ran a hand over his face to wipe away the remaining tears. His eyepatch now felt uncomfortable on his skin.

Under the typical spell of shock and fear after having a nightmare, he didn't even notice that Albedo was watching the spectacle with a worried frown.

"Are you okay?" The man next to him asked, the sheets shifting next to him as he approached the captain who was shaking like a leaf.

And even though it was obvious and something they both knew, Kaeya responded anyway. "Yes..." he opened his eye to him, noting that Albedo had a book on his lap and the bedside light was on.

It's been a week and a few days since Albedo found him sitting at the fountain trying to find a constellation that wasn't so visible at this time of year. Regardless, they felt that they had connected in the purest and most beautiful way possible.

The book that Albedo was reading lay forgotten on the bed, he was now leaning close to Kaeya looking with those worried eyes at the other's sad eye.

"Why aren't you sleeping?" Kaeya asked instead.

Albedo held his gaze without ever taking his eyes off him. "I couldn't find sleep." He answered matter-of-factly, as if he hadn't really heard the question.

Then the blonde got closer to the other but still didn't touch him. "Can I touch you?"

Kaeya had forgotten that he had been hyperventilating all this time. He must look like something so broken. He couldn't muster the strength to speak so he simply chose to nod as he lowered his head.

Albedo didn't wait any longer and wrapped the captain in a big hug. He tucked the other's head into his chest protectively as he stroked his long, silky hair.

Breathing became easier as Kaeya returned the hug and snuggled deeper into the alchemist's chest in an attempt to hide and feel protected. His eye squeezed shut, avoiding replaying the images of his nightmare in his mind. He wanted a distraction now.

When Albedo felt Kaeya calm down in his arms, he decided it was time to speak.

"Kaeya...I'm so sorry..."

The newly mentioned was surprised by his words, he moved away from the other's chest and looked at his two clear eyes. "Why?"

"I..." Albedo closed his eyes in frustration and before finishing his sentence he placed a hand on his cheek and caressed it affectionately. "I didn't know what to do. I heard you cry, I saw you shake. You looked so scared and I didn't know how to help."

Kaeya looked at him sadly and understood immediately. He leaned into the touch. "Oh Albedo..." he raised his own hand and placed it on top of Albedo's hand that was caressing his cheek. "You've already helped me."

The alchemist looked at him with a strange emotion in his eyes, his lips pursed. "I don't see how I could have helped you. I just stood there looking at you doing nothing for several minutes."

The captain kissed Albedo's palm so lightly that the alchemist barely felt the slight touch on his hand. "I'm better now Albedo, and thanks to you."

Kaeya read Albedo's thoughts in his eyes when he finished speaking. Most in the city think that Albedo is a cold or neutral being, that the emotions he feels are so weak that he can't even show a spark on his face.

But Kaeya knows better.

Moments like these have been frequent lately, and not only that, even before Albedo showed genuine concern for Kaeya. And that concern increased when Crepus passed away.

Albedo is a human being full of emotions and capable of feeling things like any other. He is someone who is sensitive, warm and open, people just aren't used to being healthy.

"If you don't believe me, then let me show you."

Kaeya used his free hand and took Albedo's other hand gently. Slowly, he brought the alchemist's hand to his own chest and held it there. Albedo's eyes widened in confusion, his right hand still on Kaeya's cheek while the other pressed into the man's chest, both hands being held by the captain's hands.

"Feel my heartbeat, Albedo. Close your eyes."

And Albedo did exactly that. He pressed his hand a little closer to him and finally, with a little concentration, he could feel the soft, slowing heartbeat.

Very different from how his heart was when he woke up, the alchemist could see. Fear and nightmare had generated a storm in Kaeya's chest, his heart was beating like a high-powered motor and not even showing any signs of stopping anytime soon.

But now, his heartbeat was like the constant waves of the sea beating against the sand of the coast. It wasn't a weak rhythm, but it wasn't a strong one either. It was just present and alive. The calm after the storm.

Albedo became so immersed in the sensation that he didn't feel Kaeya watching him closely. Kaeya admired how his partner tried so hard to focus on his heartbeat, a smile appeared on his face as he looked at every detail of his sweet face.

Finally, the alchemist opened his eyes and blinked briefly to remove the images he had imagined. He looked at the man in front of him, and returned the slight smile.

"Thank you... for showing me."

Kaeya felt tears well up in his eye, but he didn't allow any to spill. "Thank you for staying."

Kaeya had never felt so understood. Even after Albedo saw him collapse from a nightmare, he stayed with him after all.

"Excellent work, Captain Kaeya. Only you I trust for these types of missions."

Varka speaked with a proud and wide smile, something so common in this wise man. Kaeya listened with a soft smile. "I'm just doing my job, Master Varka." He responded with both of his hands behind his back. "It is an honor."

Varka laughed with his usual energy and scratched his beard. With a warm look, he asked him. "Walk with me?"

When the other nodded, Varka left his office and the two of them slipped out of the knight's hall to get some fresh air. They walked along the smooth stone paths, the wind crashing against them as always like a silent welcome, dandelions floating in the air causing allergies to certain citizens. The brief, comfortable silence between the two men was broken by Varka, who was softly humming an old song and looking at the clear sky as if it were something so precious.

Kaeya admired this man. He was the one who accompanied him when he felt that he had no one. He was the one who made him feel important and useful when he thought he was a waste. He watched the older man's soft smile and allowed himself to sink into his humming. He looked so peaceful watching the bright sky.

They reached the statue of Barbatos and suddenly, the humming came to an end.

"How are you handling it, kiddo?" he asked, beginning the conversation as he always has since he joined the knights.

"I'm good, thanks for asking." He answered easily, his eye glued to the archon's hands. "How about you?"

"Like a flower in spring!" He exclaimed happily, though a small cough interrupted his act. "Though, I'm not getting any younger."

Kaeya chuckled lightly next to him, it was impossible not to return the gesture when his energy was so sticky. "Is there a reason you wanted me to accompany you sir?"

Varka weakened his smile a bit, but it was still there. His energy dropped a bit, now he seemed calmer. "I just wanted to talk to you for a moment."

Kaeya looked at him from the side of him, Varka still not looking directly at him and instead looking at the statue in front of them. "Do you remember that I mentioned in a meeting that we had some big plans for the future?"

"Yes, I also found out that Jean was going to be promoted to Acting Grandmaster."

"Precisely! I think you already know what the reason is, don't you?" Varka looked at him.

"I have… my suspicions." Kaeya hid his sadness with a small smile. "So it's true that you chose to leave Mondstadt?"

Varka raised his eyebrows in a melancholic and sad expression, very different from what he usually is. His soft smile continued on his lips. "Yeah... yes, kiddo. It's decided." He nodded twice, his eyes lowered to the ground almost in fear that Kaeya wouldn't approve even when he was his superior. "But, there's one detail you're not entirely aware of."

Varka looked at him again and a small part of his energy returned. "I need the cavalry captain to accompany me on this adventure."

Kaeya's eye widened in surprise, his lips parted but no words came out. Noticing this, Varka continued speaking;

"Kaeya, to undertake this expedition I will need almost all the cavalry, and who is better than you to lead these stubborn horses? You are the best I know who can lead the knights that will accompany me, you'll be my great right hand as captain!" He spoke enthusiastically, his smile returning in all its glory.

Kaeya stood there absorbing what Varka had just said. The man put a hand on his shoulder in the middle of his speech and looked at him hopefully. "What do you say, Kaeya? Would you like to be a part of Mondstadt's evolution?"

The captain doesn't know what to say.

He remembered the time when his biological father asked him for something similar but with much harsher and colder words, and it was not the fate of Mondstadt they were talking about, but of a much darker and forgotten nation. For a second, Kaeya saw his biological father in Varka, who so innocently spoke warmly to him. Kaeya wanted to put that image out of his mind immediately, feeling guilty for projecting such a brutish and ruthless man onto one who is anything but.

Kaeya thought about it for a minute. If he went on that expedition, he'd be leaving town for Barbatos knows how long. He would get away from all his troubles and just be him, Varka, Dama; his faithful mare, and the other knights riding towards the sun. And every day would be a routine to achieve the progress of the city.

That thought felt so good in his mind.

But if he leaves, he would abandon everyone in Mondstadt. The few who have supported him, Albedo, Jean, will feel betrayed by the decision he made.

What hurts him the most is that it's not them he's thinking about the most. His mind is on someone else who isn't even here. He's thinking about that man who almost killed him, who almost burned him alive, who abandoned him first and went off to who knows where. Kaeya is thinking about Diluc.

He can't abandon Diluc, he still clings to the idea that he might come back one day. He might just finish what he started once and for all, and finally, Kaeya could rest.

Kaeya lightly shook his head. He looked down at the hand that rested warmly on his shoulder and turned his eyes to the man in front of him. He shook his head again, but this time with a soft smile.

"I can't leave my city, Master Varka. I must stay."

Varka stopped smiling, but it was only for a second because he quickly turned back to his face. His hand on his shoulder loosened his grip but it continued there; present. A sign that Varka had heard and understood clearly.

Grandmaster's eyes narrowed, the lines of weariness making him look older than he was. He nodded and there was a small silence that he quickly interrupted.

"I knew you'd say something like that, kiddo. Someone had to wait for Young Master Diluc's return anyway, right?" His face was calm, his voice was warm but strong at the same time. Kaeya wanted to sink into that warmth.

Kaeya nodded. A little embarrassed to think that Varka could read his true intentions.

Finally, the hand on his shoulder withdrew. Kaeya watched the action carefully.

Varka straightened up and then both looked directly at each other. The older man kept his face calm and Kaeya summoned the strength from him not to feel too guilty and useless for turning down his offer.

"I understand your decision, Kaeya. I'm almost relieved to know you chose to be with your family." He said, with a melancholic tone. He started to remember things of his past.

The wind stirred the man's gray hair as a signal. The Grandmaster gave Kaeya one last look, "Take good care of yourself, kiddo." and then he turned to walk away from the statue, leaving Kaeya alone.

Kaeya didn't look as the other walked away, and instead, he stared at the statue of Barbatos.

He came from a godless nation, and he himself did not believe in archons. But he still prayed for Diluc to be fine, and that Crepus, his father, is resting as he deserves.

In Kaeya's room in the knights' headquarters, deep in the drawer of his nightstand was a vision pyro that just looking at it gave him chills.

That pyro vision, usually so full of energy and life, began to fade until it became a grayer shade.

Chapter Text

Panic set in for Kaeya once he received Jean's message.

He was with Albedo in his laboratory, talking normally about unimportant things until a knight came who knocked on the door and opened it without waiting for a response.

“Captain Kaeya, I'm sorry for the interruption, Miss Jean requests your presence immediately! It’s about the pyro vision in your room.”

And the captain didn't need anything else to quickly leave the laboratory.

He walked quickly, almost jogging. He didn't want to run through the halls of the headquarters, he might alarm the recruits and he preferred to avoid questions. His heart beat faster every second, his ears began to distance themselves from the world around him as he thought about the countless possibilities. He tried to stay calm, not hyperventilate in public, but that task became more complicated with each accelerated step he took.

He was so deep in his panic that he didn't notice that someone had followed him after he ran away.

Kaeya looked to the side of him, seeing how Albedo had quickly matched his pace, although with a bit of difficulty due to the difference in height. Kaeya's long legs were an advantage for moments like this.

“Albedo?” He asked without saying more, looking at him with a gleam in his visible eye.

“I wasn't going to let you deal with this alone.” Albedo responded, with the most reassuring smile he had ever been able to muster before. And although his anxiety did not calm down, at least he knew that Albedo was going to be by his side.

Together they trotted towards the rooms assigned for the knights, because Kaeya was forced to leave the mansion he used to live in and was granted a small space in the building. It didn't take them long to walk through the hallways until they reached the cavalry captain's door.

The door was ajar, and it was Albedo who pushed it fully open. Jean was standing there with her back to them with an object in her hands, when she heard their footsteps behind her she quickly turned around with a distressed expression.

“Kaeya, I... I'm so sorry.” She shook her head, closing her eyes briefly, hiding the object in her hands.

Kaeya felt his hands tremble and closed them to prevent his weakness from showing. His knuckles turned white. "Let me see it." He demanded as he approached.

They knew what Jean was hiding, and they both knew the pain and panic that having to see it caused Kaeya. This is the main reason why it was Jean who was checking the vision status weekly and not him.

Slowly, the woman's fingers separated. The pyro vision, which usually showed an intense and angry glow, was almost lifeless in Jean's palms. Kaeya's trembling fingers approached the unusually cold stone, but he was afraid to get too close and burn at the touch of it.

Jean didn't rush him, she kept her hands raised patiently waiting for Kaeya to take the vision into his own hands. Kaeya didn't expect this to be so difficult, he touched it for a second and quickly removed his finger, waiting to see another burn on his skin. But when he looked, the fingers were normal, without any new wounds.

He tried again. This time he used both of his hands, and slowly managed to take the lifeless vision. Feeling the light weight in his own hands was so strange, the only thing he could focus on was the gray that invaded the same object that was used to summon powerful flames and generate horrible scars on almost his entire torso.

His eye remained glued to the vision. The voices in the room were blocked, he felt like he was sinking underwater and his ears were blocked. A cold shiver ran down his spine as all he could hear was his breathing slowing dangerously, at this point the vision didn't even feel present and his eye was simply shallow as his mind took him to another moment of his life.

He didn't even feel when a hand rested on his cold shoulder. He, too, did not hear the reassuring words of one of the two people in the room, nor could he concentrate on the pair of hands that held his cheeks so lovingly. He was totally lost in his own mind, with no escape.

He tried to look up from the pyro vision and see how a man shorter than him caressed his cheeks. Although the man looked directly into his eye, Kaeya couldn't make out who he was. The blonde man moved his lips as if he were formulating words of comfort, but his voice sounded distant.

Kaeya gave up on the man in front of him and looked to his side, where another hand was resting on his shoulder. He also attempted to verify the presence of this person, but was unable to recognize anything else other than that she was a woman.

Around him he felt commotion, he felt more people entering (or leaving, he didn't know for sure) and moving. His hands began to shake harder, he feared that at some point the object he was carrying would fall due to instability.

The captain's eye tried to see around him, two women had been the ones who had entered and quickly approached the group. A woman with brown hair and a purple uniform was talking to Jean, her expression was strange; Worried, perhaps. If Kaeya could concentrate more, he would know better. The other woman was next to her, she was a little shorter and her clothes were red, matching the other woman's expression. Kaeya had a feeling of knowing them both.

They continued talking to each other, Kaeya still felt like he was at the bottom of the ocean. He felt bad being there and not being able to witness anything that was happening right in front of his eye, he wanted to participate in whatever they were talking about but nothing left his lips.

Although he still couldn't fully distinguish the voices, he was able to notice some words.

"It- is impossible.." Said the woman who had a hand resting on his shoulder. "He- … ! He can’t- …dead..”

The man who was in front of him without moving his hands from where they were spoke. “The vision...- lifeless. But-..”

“Lisa..-“ The same woman once said, addressing the person next to her. “You and Amber.. - now..” Ah, so that's what their names were. He had forgotten.

Hearing the distant voices like he was trapped in a tunnel was driving him crazy.

Lisa nodded her head while Amber walked over to Kaeya and placed a hand on his back for support. She possesses a pyro vision so her touch was more present and alive, and it seemed she was concentrating more power on her touch to make it even warmer.

The other woman, Lisa, also approached him. She placed a hand on the object he was holding and very gently she began to remove it. “I'm going to.. take this- is it okay?..”

Suddenly a wave of panic attacked him as he felt his vision being taken away. "No..! Wait-” He whispered, his face quickly contorting in fear.

The hands that were on his body for support began to feel more present. He felt how the man in front of him who was still holding his face gently spoke to him.

Their gazes joined, the man's calming eyes bringing a strange peace to Kaeya, preventing panic from taking control of his body.

“Kaeya.” He said, with so much confidence in his voice that it was hard not to mirror the sentiment. “Breathe. Everything's fine."

And archons, how could Kaeya not recognize Albedo himself? His eye blinked in recognition, nodding slowly. He followed the man's instructions and together they began to breathe deeply. He didn't even notice when Lisa carefully took the sad vision from his hands.

Slowly with the help of the others, Kaeya finally began to feel more present and attentive to those around him. The alchemist's hands on his cheeks, the hand of his best friend, Jean, gently holding his shoulder, Amber's warm hand on his back that helped him land in the present and Lisa who was now holding his hands to avoid the feeling of the absence of pyro vision.

His breathing returned to normal as he felt himself rise to the surface and leave the bottom of the ocean in which he found himself. His ears were clearer as was his eye, finally being able to notice the presence of his friends.

Kaeya sighed heavily as he closed his eye, feeling his body heavier than normal. All the emotional burden he was going through became something physical, resembling how fatigue made him feel weaker.

"Are you okay?" Jean broke the silence, maintaining her position.

"Yes," He responded hoarsely, opening his eye again. ".. the vision-"

Lisa interrupted him abruptly. "I got it honey, don't worry." She said with a calm smile, but still hiding the object from Kaeya's view.

He noticed this but he didn't mention it, and instead chose to just acknowledge this small act in his mind. "Thank you, Lisa. I could tell you guys were talking while I uh... wasn't quite here."

At that, Jean perked up. "Ah, yes. We noticed something, and we wanted to inform you immediately but you were too lost in your head I'm afraid."

Jean and Lisa exchanged a few quick glances, then Lisa looked back at the captain with a softened gaze.

"We could sense that the vision is still radiating some pyro heat."

Kaeya looked at her hopefully, his eye widening in surprise.

Jean nodded. "Not everything is lost." Her grip on his shoulder tightened, the anguish that had once been on her face when Kaeya first saw her disappeared.

The fear of losing another family member began to dissipate in his chest. He unconsciously let out another sigh, bowing his head in understanding.

"Good afternoon, Rosaria."

Kaeya greeted politely, calmly entering the cathedral room. The woman was still in bed, her gaze remained as hardened as the day he helped her.

Rosaria was visibly taken aback, but she greeted him with a slight nod anyway. "I thought you wouldn't come back."

The captain gave a small chuckle, moving closer to the injured woman. "Oh no, how could I?" He raised a hand and carefully placed a bag on her lap. "I regret not visiting you in these last few days, chivalric duties hinder my intentions."

Rosaria ignored his comment and instead looked at the bag. "What is this? Did you bring food?" She sniffed with her nose, smelling the aroma of home-cooked food.

The captain nodded, looking more proud of himself than he should have. "I know how boring the food our kind nuns can be, I've been in your same place countless times."

The woman seemed unsure of herself, she continued to look at the bag as if she could open it with her gaze. Kaeya waved his hand at her. "Go ahead."

Her pale hands went to the bag and with a turtle's speed she opened it and revealed the contents it contained. They were freshly made hot meat and chicken skewers, Rosaria's nose welcomed the exquisite aroma they had.

And when she tried the first bite she knew what the captain was talking about. The food the nuns were giving her was very boring compared to this plate of food.

Rosaria was so immersed in enjoying the food that she forgot the other man's presence, she almost jumped out of bed when she heard a gasp coming from him.

"I'm very flattered to see that you are enjoying my food!" A genuine smile appeared on the captain's face.

The woman swallowed, almost choking along the way when she realized what he was talking about. "Wait- did you buy them or..."

"Oh no! That would be so cold! I made them myself, of course."

Rosaria was simply left blank.

No one would have done something like this for her. Lovingly cooking this special dish just for one person, and in fact, it was not for survival but more for wanting to change everyday life a little.

Rosaria believed that she would start crying or laughing at the same time at this exact moment. She simply didn't know how to respond to such kindness from a being considered a 'stranger'.

In the silence, Kaeya spoke again, fearing that he had made her uncomfortable. "Did you like them? I think I didn't keep them in the oven for the right amount of time, I apologize if you don't quite like them."

She wanted to slap him. How can he think like that after lighting up her life with this gold-plated flesh?

Maybe she was exaggerating, but her life as a slave to bandits didn't mean having luxuries like these.

"They are perfect." She remembers that in these situations she was supposed to say something tinged with slight affection. ".. thank you."

And the captain's calm smile was enough as an answer.

"She looks so small."

Little Barbara was barely a couple months old, her eyes were closed while she had her seventh nap this morning.

"Of course she is, silly! She's a newborn!"
Diluc responded with a chuckle and a toothy smile. There was a space between them, a sign that he was growing up.

Kaeya continued to stare at the baby as he showed an expression of mock anger. "But she is very small, she looks like a bean. Is it normal?"

"You're just as small Kae, I would even say she surpasses you in size." He continued laughing.

And he was right, Kaeya was very small and showed no signs of growing. It was not so worrying since he had barely turned nine, although on the other hand, Diluc, who was only a year and a couple of months older, was taller and bigger than him.

Diluc sometimes teases him for looking as small as a kitten, but deep down he enjoys feeling like he could protect his little brother from whatever.

"That's not true Diluc! I'm bigger than her!" Kaeya argued with a hoarse voice, his frown deepening.

"Guys, keep your voices down or they're going to catch us!" Jean silenced them both as she raised his index finger to her lips. The baby's room became completely silent.

The Ragnvindr brothers were visiting the Gunnhildr house, the trio had slipped away from the adult conversation their parents were participating in, without understanding what they were talking about. Jean was very excited to show them her little sister, she had always wanted a sister to have the special bond that Kaeya and Diluc had.

But, being a newborn, all she did was sleep, eat and cry. Jean couldn't wait to show her her collection of knight toys, but every time she tried to show them to her the girl didn't pay attention, and in the end her father always ended up taking her out of her room saying that Barbara needed to rest.

If her father finds out that she brought Kaeya and Diluc (the two most troublesome and noisy children she knows) into her sister's room who was sleeping peacefully, he would ground her for a month.

"Don't worry Jean, my dad is distracting your father, they will talk in the next six hours and without breaks in between."

Kaeya nodded with a smile, forgetting his earlier anger. "It's true, when father talks about wine, he can't keep quiet."

Jean looked at them, giving them an unsure look. "I don't know guys... what happens if-"

"-Woah, an astronomy book!" Kaeya interrupted her, his scattered attention already strained when he noticed something that made him tune out the conversation. He ran to the bookshelf and stood on tiptoe to reach it.

"Kae! Don't lose focus!" His brother warned him, but it was too late. Kaeya was already wrapped up in his own world reading about space. "We lost him." He mentioned looking at Jean without really being surprised at his little brother's lack of concentration.

Jean sighed and shook her head. "Now what?"

Diluc remained silent, thinking about all the possibilities they have, and it didn't take him long to resort to the most attractive idea. An excited smile appeared on his face.

"You said your sister was boring because she just slept and shit right?"

Jean laughed at his words and was glad to know that there were no adults present. "Yes, a little. Why?"

"I know what can cheer her up!"

Diluc put his hand in his pants pocket and quickly took something out of there. He raised his hand to his eye level and smiled proudly at having brought it with him.

Jean looked at his hand in disbelief. Her expression was cold and solid as a stone.

"Did you have Bruno in your pocket this whole time?"

The turtle looked around the room lazily and blinked slowly in the boy's palm.

"Yes!"

"Diluc." Jean raised her eyes and stared at him. "You cannot do that."

"Why not? Bruno was bored in his turtle pond. He needed a change." He shrugged his shoulders, still with a smile plastered on his lips as he approached the crib of the little baby who hadn't made a sound. "Plus, who doesn't love turtles? Barbara will never want to sleep again after seeing my son!"

Jean was not prepared for what Diluc was going to do. She didn't have time to interrupt him.

Diluc moved his hand closer to the crib and positioned Bruno on Barbara's face. When he knew that Bruno was not going to fall or move away from her, he removed his hand and looked at his work with pride.

Barbara squirmed slightly as she felt a strange sensation press against her face. Her eyes opened slowly, her eyelashes fluttering away the remnants of sleep.

Immediately when she saw the face of a totally unknown reptile on the tip of her nose she began to cry.

"Diluc!" Jean shouted.

"Wha- why is she crying?!" He asked with genuine confusion. He loved waking up with Bruno next to him.

"Ugh! I knew that was a bad idea!" Jean raised her arms in the air in desperation, once her sister started crying there was nothing to stop her.

The baby's loud crying alerted everyone in the house, and footsteps were quickly heard outside the door of the child's room.

"We're screwed," Diluc mimicked his father's words when he thought his children weren't nearby, listening.

The door opened, Jean's father walked in followed by Master Crepus, both looking worried.

Mr. Gunnhildr looked at them in surprise, his mouth hanging open like a fish. "Jean? Kids? What are you doing here?"

Shortly after, his tone escalated in volume, taking on a more alarmed note. "Why is there a turtle on top of my daughter?!"

There was a small silence in the middle of it as the man approached Barbara and took the reptile from her before cradling it in her arms and shushing her gently.

Diluc, in a moment of panic, couldn't take it anymore and screamed. "Kaeya did it!"

Everyone turned to look at the boy, who was still immersed in the astronomy book.
He hadn't even noticed the mess that had formed around him. Feeling a small silence and all eyes on him, he raised his eye from the book and looked at the others.

He noticed Master Crepus. Oh great, his father was here to hear what he had just learned. "An as-te-roid is a small rocky object that orbits the Sun!.. Uh.. how do you pronounce 'asteroid'..?"

He was still getting used to the new language, although it was easier than before he still found certain words that he didn't know how to say. Also his old accent still feels tinged in his pronunciation.

Crepus said nothing and simply turned his gaze from him to Diluc, frowning. He looked at him disappointed and annoyed, his hands placed on his waist, knowing perfectly well that Diluc was only blaming his brother to escape from him.

Diluc could only laugh nervously under his father's gaze. Jean, meanwhile, felt herself fading.

That day, none of the three children ate dessert for dinner.

The memory faded in his mind when he noticed Jean finished telling it.

She had welcomed him into her home, they were currently sitting comfortably in her antique armchair while they finished drinking their already cold tea.

"..and then, when Master Crepus took us to the mansion to let my dad calm Barbara down, the second my father was no longer present your father started laughing." Jean looked at her cup wistfully. Master Crepus was such a gentle man, probably the best father she had ever known. He spoiled his children too much.

At that Kaeya felt a small smile form on his face. A nostalgic, sad and happy feeling mixed in his chest. He missed his days in the mansion with his family, playing like an innocent child, even if he already knew what he was destined to be.

"I remember that." He laughed sadly. "He pretended to be upset with us, although he couldn't deny how comical the scenario was."

Jean nodded her head slightly, her gaze lost in past memories. Both wishing they could return to that beautiful time in their lives.

A small silence passed between them, the only audible sound was the faint fire dancing in the fireplace. Kaeya had listened carefully to Jean's entire story, vividly remembering every second of that shared experience.

The captain blinked slowly, almost wanting to close his eye completely and go to sleep. "I miss him, Jean. I miss my father."

His friend next to him looked at his drooping expression, and soon came over and wrapped an arm around his back.

"I know." She responded, matching the same low tone of voice.

"He..." Kaeya swallowed, his gaze remaining on his hands holding the cup tightly to hide his slight trembling. "He would know what to do in this situation. He always knew what to do."

"Mhm..." She sighed the air held in her lungs. "He was a good father, huh?"

Kaeya nodded as he leaned a little closer to Jean's touch. He abandoned his gaze below and instead looked at the fireplace in front of them. Fire generates unpleasant memories, even a little fear. The memory of the fire was etched into his skin along with deep cuts, his blood was contaminated with ashes and dust.

But this fire in the fireplace was different from the fire that attacked him that day. This one was weak, lacked strong emotions and only existed for a singular purpose; warming up their souls. He could not trust this innocence, Kaeya thought the same about the fire that radiated from his brother until he abandoned him in the rain with permanent scars.

The fire, something he found so much safety and protection in, was destroyed in a couple of seconds. He now couldn't even stand to be too close to the flames.

Kaeya continued to look at the fire which signaled that it would soon go out so it needed more firewood to continue living.

His fingers went numb, taking in the emotion of the fire.

"He wasn't just good.." Kaeya shaked his head slowly. "He was the best dad."

Chapter Text

The room was freezing. The window was covered by the thin layer of fabric of a curtain, but that left a small space for natural light to enter.

Everything was very quiet. Kaeya opened his eyes slightly followed by slight blinks to disperse the blurry vision. A familiar pain coursed through his body and immediately he knew that the day was going to be gray and heavy.

The sun decided not to appear this time and instead thick clouds took its place. The sky was flooded with clouds, it almost seemed that at any moment they would begin to cry on the cold streets of the city just as they did on that fateful night.

His eyes closed again as he hid further into his cold sheets, wishing he could sink deeper into the feeling of warmth that his bed gave him.

The lonely room once again remained so silent that he felt his ears ringing, and although he had just woken up he felt tired and exhausted, as if simply existing had used up all of his energy so early in the morning.

A headache slowly began to creep in, but he pushed it to the back of his mind, ignoring it, and he continued with his eyes closed, taking in his grasp this selfish privilege that he certainly did not deserve. Rest was not for sinners nor for egocentric beings who only thought about themselves and their own achievements to achieve in the future, and Kaeya certainly considered himself one of those demons.

He doesn't know how long he spent lying like this but he can't really make himself care. The early birds were silent, still sleeping peacefully, giving the signal that it was still very early even for them. Or perhaps, it was too late and the birds had already left long ago, having already completed their task hours ago while the captain slept like the big incompetent idiot that he is.

Kaeya doesn't know, he has lost track of time. He doesn't feel the need to follow a timeline either, not that his life is all that valuable to him right now.

He felt a tingling on his skin, like a need coursing through his body screaming for him to get up and do something productive. His mind found himself begging him to stop being so useless and force himself to not be a burden to others.

But he didn't move.

His body remained glued to the mattress despite the pain and internal screams. His limbs just weren't cooperating.

If it were up to him, he would stay in bed all day sleeping or at least pretend to, to forget that others exist and just try to feel less present in the world.

He knows that his presence was not wanted or needed by anyone. Kaeya knew that if one day he decided to finally walk away completely and disappear he would not harm society or the life of any civilian. The world would continue at its usual slow pace as always but with just one less person whose life is irrelevant to everyone else.

His name would not be spoken nor would the lack of his existence be noted. Mondstadt would continue to prosper without Kaeya Alberich, a sinner from a lost and forgotten nation.

As he remembered where he came from, the previously small headache slowly turned into a nasty migraine, and with no control of his mind a disgusting moment of his life appeared right under his eyes;

His mother's blood was spread throughout the kitchen while he was hiding in a corner, shaking in fear with salty tears running down his cheeks. His father, the king of Khaenri'ah and leader of the Alberich clan, was furious. After torturing his wife he wrapped his hands around her neck, suffocating her until her lungs inevitably collapsed, leading to her terrible death.

His eyes quickly widened in terror as he felt his chest sink, memories of that day fading almost instantly.

Kaeya ran a hand over his face wearily and sat up on the bed, finally forcing himself to move as he now knew that if he closed his eyes again, more memories would return to the darkness behind his eyelids.

He was only five years old when that happened. Five years, and he was already aware of his destiny as a spy.

The previous tingling on his skin grew, feeling the need to hurt. He looked at his forearms with a gloomy aura passing through his pupils as he considered certain measurements. He began scratching his wrists angrily, lingering his nails on the skin for a second longer and digging in until he felt a brief stinging pain. His arms were red and with angry scratch marks, a slight satisfaction ran through his body at seeing this but he still didn't feel completely right, as if he deserved something worse than just light scratches.

He needed more, he needed to feel something deeper.

He turned his head to the side, looking at the small nightstand that was attached to his bed. When he saw his dagger resting on the thin fir wood, he knew immediately that he was going to get his pain out.

"-and that's all, what do you think about it Captain?"

"Huh?"

Kaeya blinked dazedly, looking at the alchemist next to him staring back at him.

"Did you not hear my explanation?" Albedo asked with his usual soft voice pricking his tongue, looking at him with some understanding. "We were talking about a small horseback expedition to allow progress in one of our experiments as alchemists."

Jean, who was in front of them sitting at her elegant desk, looked at them both, her eyes lingering on the captain. "Of course, you would be the one to lead this expedition. We wanted to know your opinion about this."

Kaeya blinked again, clearing his throat as he exchanged glances with these two people. "O-oh, yes of course. I'm afraid you'll have to repeat where we're going Chief Alchemist, I don't think I heard correctly."

The lie did not go unnoticed by the two of them, however they did not mention it. "Sure. It will take place in a part of the mountain, right in this sector." He briefly explained as he pointed his finger at the map that was lying in front of them.

"I see... Due to the extreme cold, we will have to be extra careful with our horses. That specific area is quite windy, and the wetness of the snow can complicate things even more."

Jean nodded, analyzing her words. "Is there a chance for horses to suffer from hypothermia?"

Kaeya looked at her with a little nervousness. His leg went up and down repeatedly and his hands frantically touched his thighs, as if staying still was impossible. Suddenly the ambient sounds became very loud, like the wind hitting the window, the raindrops on the roof, the movement of a pen in Jean's hand; everything was amplified uncomfortably in his ears.

His eye lowered briefly as he bit his lip, answering Jean's question became difficult as he didn't even have the ability to pay attention to her words.

Albedo, being the observant person that he is, noticed these changes in Kaeya.

Of course he would, Albedo is a perfect being, an angel fallen from heaven. He is the light between the darkness and the beacon that redirects Kaeya's senses, when the captain needed it most the alchemist was there for him.

And of course the blonde would notice the discomfort and pain of his boyfriend. His sky-clear eyes take in every little detail of the world around him.

A gloved hand gently ran up his leg, patiently and lovingly caressing his restless thigh, and it's amazing how that light touch brought him back to the real world.

His frantic movements slowly stopped, his lost gaze tried to focus on the woman in front of him, who smiled at him calmly and understandingly, knowing perfectly well what Kaeya was going through. When he was little, he suffered many moments like this where his concentration would disperse and he would suffer from a sensory breakdown.

After what seemed like years but was only a minute, Kaeya nodded, avoiding eye contact and staring at his fingers. "Hypothermia is always a possibility, but we are prepared. I don't see any further drawbacks."

And Jean, knowing that it would be better to just ignore it and perhaps talk about this later in a more personal and less business-like way, sighed in relief at his response. "Very well then, I will approve this expedition Mr. Albedo, since our cavalry captain agrees. I will let Master Varka know in a moment."

The alchemist nodded quickly, relieved to hear this as his hand remained in the position of caressing Kaeya's thigh, not wanting his attention to be harmed again. "I thank you deeply, Master Jean. Now, with nothing further to request and with your permission, I and Captain Kaeya will withdraw."

Jean copied his movement and nodded her head as well, her eyes scanning the two men sitting in front of her desk. "You are free to go, but first, I would like you to agree to attend a small meeting with me, Chief Alchemist Albedo. But of course it will be later, when you two are in a better condition."

Albedo's blood ran cold, his mind quickly filled with warning messages, thinking that perhaps Jean would see him as a threat to Kaeya and would refuse him to stay by his side. Will Albedo have to talk about his relationship with her and break the privacy of his life? He really hopes it's not necessary.

Albedo looked at Jean, breathing heavily.

'Keep calm, Albedo, don't be ridiculous. Surely we will talk about the expedition and nothing more.' He said in his mind, trying to calm himself even having a faint idea of what the meeting will be about.

"Of course." He responded, wanting to escape the situation as soon as possible. When Jean gave them the signal to leave, Albedo wasted no more time and took the captain's hand, leading them both away from Jean's office and hiding in his small laboratory.

He closed the door behind them and quickly went to the captain who went to sit on the sofa. He positioned himself next to him, sitting very close to him to allow himself to take Kaeya's shaking hands and hold them lovingly. He directed them to his lips to place a kiss on each of his knuckles, waiting patiently for Kaeya to begin speaking.

Albedo heard a sigh leave Kaeya's mouth, and even with his hands caressing his, he looked up to meet the starry eye of his beloved that he adored so much.

"I-I'm sorry, Bedo, It's been a long time since something like this happened to me."

And Albedo could understand that Kaeya was referring to his moments in the winery, he saw it in his eye full of stories from the past.

"Don't apologize... it's okay." And instead of getting upset like Kaeya expected him to do, Albedo kissed his hands again gently and understandingly, looking at him with such admiration that Kaeya felt unreal, and for the first time, loved. "I won't force you to talk if that's not what you want to do, but I would really love to listen to you so I can understand your emotions."

The captain glanced at him briefly and looked away, suddenly feeling too embarrassed to speak under the beautiful gaze the alchemist was giving him as if he were the most precious thing in Teyvat. The small blush on his face intensified with every kiss he received.

"It's nothing, it's just..." Kaeya blinked the clouds out of his eye and shook his head. "Sometimes it all just becomes too much."

The alchemist nodded, not separating his eyes from Kaeya's face. He couldn't help but delight in the captain's beauty, so beautiful, so ethereal that it hurt. Albedo wanted to have more of his captain, he wanted to kiss every inch of his body, he wanted to eliminate all of his sorrows and insecurities and make him forget who he was. Albedo wanted to touch, trace his fingers over his skin, express his admiration and make Kaeya understand that he loved him to the last drop of his blood.

Albedo raised a hand and brought it to the chin of his lover, gently forcing their gazes to meet again.

"It's okay, my starlight, it's totally understandable." He said with a slight smile prickling the corner of his lips. "Do you mind if I come closer?"

When Kaeya slowly denied, looking at him with a small plea in his bright unfocused eye, Albedo satisfied his desire and approached his face, taking the captain's lips with his and sealing them in a kiss full of love and warmth.

The hand that was previously holding his chin moved to the side of his cheek, cradling the side of his face as he leaned further into the captain, forcing him to lie down on the couch with Albedo on top of him. When the alchemist felt hesitant hands slowly approach his shoulders and brush his neck, he finally knew that his plan was working perfectly.

Albedo kissed Kaeya deeply, hoping that this significant physical contact would help him feel more present and focus on what he had in front of him and not sink into the sad memories of the past. The alchemist brought his body closer, pressing his other free hand on the captain's thin waist, managing to get a slight sigh of satisfaction from him that delighted the blonde's ears.

They moved their lips in sync, every second Kaeya seemed more present and enjoying the moment more as he felt Albedo's caresses on his waist. The room was filled with small sounds of lips colliding against each other, and the only thing that was audible were affectionate, loving kisses that were given to each other, along with a few small sighs and barely noticeable moans of contentment.

When oxygen demanded its presence in their lungs, they were forced to separate. Albedo wished they had never separated, but when he saw Kaeya beneath him with an embarrassed and almost shy expression, accompanied by a blush painted on his soft cheeks, he felt nothing but gratitude for having broken the kiss.

Albedo approached to kiss him again, but this time the kiss was directed to his forehead. "Do you feel better now?"

Kaeya looked at him, and this time he really did it. The clouds in his eye had dispersed, he definitely felt having his presence back in the room. "Yes, I'm better. Thanks to you."

The alchemist widened his small smile, staring admiringly into the blue eye more clearly than before. "It was truly a pleasure, captain."

And again Albedo leaned in to capture his lips in another tender and long kiss, hoping to see a blushing Kaeya after each kiss he gave him.

Albedo was nervous.

It had been a while since Kaeya had that little breakdown, and now that he was in better condition the alchemist finally had time to attend that small meeting that Jean invited him to a few hours ago.

He stood behind the woman's door, took a deep breath and exhaled. When he felt ready enough he managed to touch it with his knuckle, making a slight sound that was quickly responded by Jean with a small 'Go ahead'.

The alchemist entered the office and looked at Jean who was waiting for him behind her desk. Albedo really hopes that she had some rest after their small talk, although most likely the woman hasn't even moved from her seat since then, tirelessly filling out reports.

"Sit down, Albedo." Jean broke the silence with a tone that the blonde would classify as 'protective'.

He swallowed as he approached the seat in front of the desk, trying to look as neutral as possible and succeeding in the attempt. "I'm sorry if I kept you waiting, Master Jean. I didn't notice how late it was until I saw the clock."

"Don't worry, Chief Alchemist. I understand what it's like to immerse yourself in work. Although, I didn't request your presence to talk about it anyway."

Albedo looked at her, her calm expression never wavering despite the intensity of her words. "What did you want to talk about, then?"

And the next words didn't surprise him at all, although he tried to lie to himself thinking that perhaps the meeting would be about something else, he perfectly knew why Jean had been so interested in meeting with him in the first place.

"It 's about Kaeya."

The situation that he wanted so much to avoid had finally arrived.

Albedo decided to pretend to be indifferent. "What about the cavalry captain?"

Jean narrowed her eyes, her elbows rested on the desk and her fingers intertwined, taking a more serious position. And instead of answering him, she asked him a new question. "Confirm this for me, Albedo. You must already be aware of the attack that the richest man in Mondstadt received a few months ago, right?"

Albedo blinked in confusion. "Of course."

Before the alchemist could continue speaking, Jean beat him to it. "Then you must understand the vulnerable position Kaeya is in, and that he is not willing to be played with in that state."

He stared at her the entire time. He straightened his posture in his seat and cleared his throat as he thought about his next words. "I'm aware. Why are you telling me all this?"

"Because I can't let him be hurt again, that's all. You must understand that as a friend, I hope to see that Kaeya feels comfortable in his surroundings and blossoms like a flower in spring. I must make sure that you have no bad intentions with my captain."

"Ah, I completely understand your reaction Master Jean, and I fear that my words will not be enough to reassure you, but I have no reason to take advantage of the cavalry captain's weakness. I give you my word." He responded to her with words full of genuine sincerity and with a determined expression, waiting for it to be enough to affirm what he had just said.

Jean looked at him in silence for minutes that seemed like hours. She abandoned her previous position and instead rested her hands on the desk as silence took the room hostage. Albedo kept his eyes on the woman in front of him, wanting to avert them anywhere just to feel less judged, however, he didn't. Proving to himself that he is using honesty in its splendor.

After a moment of sharing glances, Jean looked away from him first and sighed as she nodded her head slowly, looking at her hands. "I will choose to believe you, Albedo. I hope you keep your word."

"I will, Master Jean."

"I won't intrude on your relationship or your privacy, but whatever you're both feeling right now, don't let it die, okay?"

Albedo took a moment to think about her last words as he nodded, looking down for the first time since he set foot in the office. A small insecurity began to grow in his chest that whispered in his ear how small he was. Maybe Kaeya deserves someone better, someone who could hold him through his worst moments and support him until the end. Albedo wants to be an important part of Kaeya's life but he is afraid of not being enough and of not being able to provide him with the warmth of a hug human enough to thaw his frozen heart.

The alchemist felt a lump in his throat, but he ignored it. He can't allow himself to have these thoughts right in front of Jean. "I'll keep that in mind, thank you."

Was he doing enough?

Chapter Text

Dawn Winery still looked exactly like it did in his burnt memories.

The tall, pale walls, small vertical windows, pointed reddish roofs reaching for the sky, bushes and trees painting the landscape with pure life next to the colorful vineyards...

Kaeya could almost see himself running through the grass, trying to catch an Anemo Crystalfly while Adelinde called him so patiently for dinner.

He had good memories in this place. Beautiful ones, in fact. He stored every little detail in his mind, hoping never to forget them completely.

But, despite there being more lovely memories than heartbreaking ones in this precious home, a dreadful event a couple of weeks ago shattered any positive feelings about this place.

Fire and ice clashed, the blazing flame moving its limbs with expertise and grace as it ruthlessly attacked the inexperienced ice. A thick sword pointed ferociously at his weak and wounded body; his light sword incapable of shielding him from his brother's fury.

That night, he lost his will to live and the desire to keep on fighting. He lost his father to an unjust death due to past mischoices and also lost his brother, whom he attempted to relieve of his endless suffering by taking his life.

Despite his losses, he gained unbreakable marks both in his mind and on his skin. His back carries the memory etched with fury, and even though he tries to conceal his scars with layers of clothing, at the end of the day, when he finished his duties as captain, he always found himself gazing at his own reflection in the bathroom mirror.

Approaching the entrance, he felt the gaze of maidens chatting quietly near some bushes, likely recognizing him but not daring to speak. He simply ignored them and reached the door, touching it while attempting to stave off the overwhelming flood of regret in his mind.

His hands trembled violently at his sides as he thought, 'I'm making a serious mistake. I should leave before someone opens the door—'

His stream of consciousness was abruptly shattered as the door creaked open, an involuntary gasp escaping his lips. The weight of his anxiety intensified as he anticipated the curious gaze of the person responding to the unexpected visitor. The air grew heavy with the palpable tension of the impending interaction, and every heartbeat seemed to echo in his ears, drowning out any coherent thought.

"Master Kaeya?"

"Adelinde..."

The woman's expression, initially filled with surprise, quickly shifted to one of profound sadness. Fatigue and wrinkles etched across her face made her appear even older than her years, a realization that weighed heavily on Kaeya's heart.

We are growing old...

Adelinde shook off her initial surprise, replacing it with a gaze filled with concern. She blinked, taking a step back to allow the captain to enter the mansion. "I'm sorry... Please come in, Master Kaeya!"

In a moment of hesitation, Kaeya briefly contemplated refusing, but he didn't want to come across as rude, so he acquiesced. "Thank you.”

"Can I offer you something? Are you hungry by any chance?"

"I'll have to pass this time, my apologies." He kindly declined with a slight smile.

The woman nodded understandingly. She deeply wished to approach and embrace him tightly, to show how worried she had been for him during this long time but never allowed herself to express that concern. She restrained herself, observing from afar as the boy she had cared for over the years withered before her eyes.

Then, Kaeya spoke again. "Actually, I'm here because I need something I left in my room, only if it's possible. Otherwise, I'll leave, and I promise never to return." After the fight with Diluc, he doesn't believe he has the right to wander around the mansion as if it's still his home.

"Oh no, of course you can, Master Kaeya. It is your room after all," she said, concealing the truth behind her words.

The captain nodded briefly and began ascending the stairs leading to the second floor. As he moved through the hallways, a myriad of paintings stared at him accusingly, judging him with their presence as if he were an intruder and not someone who used to inhabit this space.

He brushed off the feeling of discomfort and headed directly to his room. Upon entering, a wave of memories inundated his mind.

Despite having been here a few months ago, it feels like an eternity. He forced himself to grow up in too short a time.

Even though he no longer slept here, there was no trace of dust. The room remained impeccably clean, as if someone put in a daily effort to maintain its pristine state, hopeful for the return of a certain child to rest in the fine sheets of the bed.

Kaeya approached his bed slowly, settling down with caution to preserve the pristine blankets. He extended a hand to the nightstand beside the bed and opened a drawer, retrieving a book with a colorful and eye-catching cover. It was a children's book, specifically a fable featuring a fox as the protagonist. Kaeya couldn't recall why, but he used to hold a deep attachment to this reading, as if it were a cherished relic from his past.

Perhaps the book was crucial to him because it was the first gift he received from Crepus. Or maybe because that man used to read to him every night when he suffered from nightmares, until he fell asleep with the reassurance that his dad was there to protect him.

No... Master Crepus is not his father. Kaeya really shouldn't defy the words of the now new owner of the mansion. Kaeya remembered that now, in the first place, he is not even welcome.

His gaze remained fixed on the book he held, a selfish desire suddenly welled up in his chest, urging him to take the object with him and escape, just to have something to remind him of the beautiful moments of his childhood.

He shook his head at himself, releasing a sigh. Disgust welled up within him at the escalating selfishness. None of this belonged to him anymore; he should simply lower his head and accept it.

"You can take it if you wish, Master Kaeya." A female voice came from the door.

Adelinde's voice abruptly interrupted his train of thought, hating the fact that the woman's gentle voice managed to startle him a bit. He was accustomed to the room's silence.

"I... I can't, Addie. It doesn't belong to me." The old nickname slipped unconsciously from his tongue. Years ago, talking between them was natural; now, however, it felt like a tense line was drawn between them.

Adelinde crossed that line despite its intensity, completely ignoring everything around her to focus on Kaeya. She walked to the bed, sitting next to the young man she used to teach how to enjoy life as someone his age should, and looked at him deeply.

"It's yours," she said, using her most beautiful smile, showing immense kindness with just a small act. "It always has been."

Kaeya let out a humorless laugh, barely audible, avoiding the woman's gaze beside him, hoping his tears hadn't been visible. "Not anymore. This is no longer my home.”

Adelinde furrowed her brows slightly, ceasing to look at the young man. She appeared to hesitate for a few moments, maintaining silence as she pondered her words. Clasping her hands in her lap, she released a weary sigh and briefly closed her eyes, as if caught in an internal struggle.

"... Master Diluc, before embarking on his journey, ordered us not to let you back into the mansion," She began to explain, her gaze staying low, observing her hands in her lap. "He said it in a tone that left no room for doubt, and everyone here just stayed silent, hoping that would be enough."

"But..." The woman paused. Her lips started to tremble, and she quickly bit her lower lip to contain herself.

The change in her tone caught Kaeya's attention, and he turned his head to witness the older woman's trembling hands.

She continued, "But how could we? How could we deny entry to the boy who earned a place in our hearts?" Her gaze lifted from her hands to meet Kaeya's surprised expression. "How could we abandon Master Crepus's son?”

Something inside Kaeya seemed to shatter, but he kept it hidden. He just stared at her in disbelief, struggling to comprehend her words. Are they truly ready to defy Diluc's direct orders for a traitor?

Adelinde seemed to read Kaeya's thoughts with just a glimpse into his deep blue eye. "I have no idea what happened between you two that night, Master Kaeya, and I don't know why Master Diluc treated you like a stranger. But what I do know for certain is that nothing will make us believe that you don't deserve to return home. Nothing in the world.”

Kaeya lowered his gaze, weakened by the words of the woman he holds so dear. His grip on the book tightened, feeling powerless in the situation. All the anguish he had painfully been trying to hide started to prick at his skin again, threatening to spill tears for his actions and the events of that day.

The ache of longing, the void left by severed connections, clawed at Kaeya's heart. He'd deceived himself, claiming indifference, convincing himself that he could weather the storm of solitude and death if Diluc returned only to finish what was started. However, the truth gripped him – he yearned for the swift return of all he had lost. It mattered to him if his brother chose to return or not. Though the right to call him a brother was no longer his, witnessing Diluc's well-being was a satisfaction, even if it meant staying apart.

Kaeya, however, continued in silence, fearing that opening his lips would unleash the thousands of bottled tears. The woman who had raised him for so long knew him too well, so all she did was approach and wrap her arms around the trembling form of the young man, hugging him tightly, hoping in vain that it would make him stay forever.

Mondstadt remained exactly the same, even after four years.

The wind mirrored the freedom of the inhabitants, the exquisite wine maintained its familiar flavor cherished by adults, and the citizens reveled in their unchanging happiness…

Over those four years, it was a constant struggle for the cavalry captain, and it continues to be so. However, the scars engraved on his skin are gradually becoming easier to confront each day. Kaeya is acutely aware that scars never truly vanish; they will linger throughout the remaining years of his life. Yet, he has learned to coexist with them, even if he still struggles to find beauty in their presence.

The city also learned to value its new cavalry captain. It didn't take them too long to accept him, although initially reluctant to see Kaeya as the new captain, after long months where the man achieved admirable feats, the citizens began to love the change in captain.

However, such progress would not have been possible if he were alone. Without a group of people deeply cherished by Kaeya, he likely wouldn't have overcome those challenges, and death might have caught up with him.

Thanks to his loved ones, he abandoned the beautiful idea of simply succumbing to loneliness and dying. He doesn't know what he would have done without them.

Kaeya pondered as he walked to Angel's Share. The sun had already set, and an evening of drinks with his friends awaited him at the tavern to simply celebrate life.

Upon entering, he took his customary seat on the stool he had occupied for years. Rosaria sat beside him, sipping from her wine glass without averting her gaze, well aware that the renowned captain had just arrived.

"Started without me, huh? I'm hurt," he greeted, raising his hand to order a drink.

"You took your time," she replied, taking another sip. "Venti will be a little late today."

"Oh? What's keeping our dear bard so busy?" he inquired, a touch of sentiment in his voice.

She shrugged indifferently, "He didn't tell me, and I don't care either."

Kaeya chuckled, receiving his Death After Noon from the skilled bartender. "How charming of you. So, how's your day been at work?"

"Annoying as ever. Barbara's relentless about those choirs," she sighed, "I don't know how many more times I need to dodge her musical requests.”

"Ah, but that's not a bad idea, you know? You've got the voice of an actual angel, Rosie. Barbatos would surely appreciate your beautiful singing.”

Kaeya suppressed a chuckle as he sipped from his glass, observing the murderous look Rosaria shot him.

The woman sighed heavily, shaking her head to dispel the captain's teasing. Instead, she chose to change the subject. "And how about you? How are things going with that alchemist of yours?”

At the mention of the blonde, Kaeya automatically smiled widely, as if the mere thought of the man brought him joy. Perhaps it does.

"We're better than ever," Kaeya began, a nostalgic gleam in his eye. "In just a few weeks, it'll be our fourth anniversary. Can you believe it? Oh, how time flies. It feels like it was just yesterday when he kissed me for the first time under the starlight!" Kaeya recounted, intentionally exaggerating his infatuation with a playful grin, as if savoring every sweet memory.

"Ugh, fine, I get it. Spare me the details," she rolled her eyes, but a small smile played on the corners of her lips.

They continued talking like this for a long time. At some point, Venti joined them as promised, and the conversation became even livelier.

Kaeya and Rosaria have come a long way since they first met. The captain couldn't be prouder of her for becoming the remarkable woman she is today. They initially crossed paths at their lowest points, both wounded by those they believed in deeply. Yet, from the moment Kaeya treated her as a human being rather than a mere servant, they began to build trust between them..

The tavern continued to welcome more customers; every ten minutes, someone entered to buy a drink, and very few left. Mondstadt's lively atmosphere persisted, making it yet another festive night in the bustling tavern.

Everything continued with its usual rhythm. Laughter echoed, glasses clinked, and happiness abounded among everyone. Kaeya maintained a cheerful conversation with his friends, and most nights unfolded in this familiar, pleasing manner, much to the liking of the majority.

However, this unwritten routine for the citizens of Mondstadt was disrupted when an excited man burst through the door, capturing the attention of all the alcohol-consuming patrons.

The man took a moment to catch his breath due to the swift journey he had made. With a smile on his face, he announced, "Master Diluc has returned!" He shouted with joy.

While others released joyful sounds and began talking among themselves, surprised to learn that the wine magnate, missing for four years, had finally returned to his city, Kaeya completely disconnected from reality. The mention of Diluc's return seemed to send a shock through him, momentarily overshadowing the festivities with a mix of emotions.

The noise sounded like deafening static in his ears; everyone in the tavern was elated about the news except for himself and his two friends, who looked at him with deep concern, repeatedly uttering his name.

Kaeya froze in his seat, a profound sense of anxiety seizing him. It felt as if everything he had fought so hard to build over the years was beginning to crumble before him in mere seconds.

Diluc had returned, and a wave of sadness and fear engulfed Kaeya. The overwhelming urge to run and escape from the impending confrontation gripped him, casting a shadow over the once joyous atmosphere of the tavern.

'Diluc is back,’ an internal voice repeated relentlessly in his head. He couldn't feel anything but fear, an invisible force holding him captive.