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It’s been over five years since Peter Stone abruptly walked away from his life in New York City. His decision to stay after his father’s death was hasty, as was his decision to go running back to Chicago. Neither were originally a part of his life plan, but as much as he’d grown to love the city and as difficult as it was to leave, deep down, he knew it was the right decision.
He hadn’t expected to return to New York, probably ever, but there was something about the holiday season that drew him back. Both his father and his sister were buried there, and the holidays always made him miss them a little harder, and this year, he couldn’t resist the pull to go back to a place that held both painful and beautiful memories.
As Peter stepped out of the airport, he took a deep breath, inhaling the scent that was uniquely New York City, and he felt an ache in his chest. He missed it here. As he stepped into the taxi line, he silently went over his agenda for the day, preparing for his first destination.
After leaving the city, he only kept in touch with two people, one being his supervisor and dear friend Jack McCoy. He’d known the older man for as long as he could remember, and he was responsible for Peter’s decision to remain in the city after his father’s passing. Peter hadn’t seen McCoy since leaving, and he was looking forward to spending some time with him this trip.
The other friend he’d kept in contact with was Dominick Carisi. They’d become close friends during the time Peter worked with SVU, and as close as he’d become with the whole squad, Carisi was the only one whose friendship didn’t immediately throw him back into the memories of why he left, why he had to leave. He was the only one he could talk to without longing to hear the voice or see the face of Olivia Benson.
Liv.
She was probably the hardest goodbye of his life next to his sister Pamela. The day he met her, she told him she hoped he’d suck at prosecuting Rafael Barba for murder. Her harsh honesty both surprised and intrigued him, and as he got to know her, he saw both her and their cases in a different light.
Before he knew it, he’d fallen in love with her.
Peter appreciated the way Olivia would try to help him learn how her cases were different, he enjoyed the banter and mostly friendly disagreements with her, and he was in awe of who she was as a mother, as a lieutenant, and as a friend. With each passing case, he found himself working harder and harder to convict their perps, mostly for her sake. Their final case together truly revealed how far off course he was and how deep his feelings ran for Olivia, and that was when he knew he had to go.
Over the years, Carisi had kept him updated about his life and growing relationship with Amanda Rollins. Peter had seen the sparks between them back then, and he was happy for his friend finally had the life he wanted, with his wife and daughters.
Carisi had told him about Fin rekindling his relationship with a former partner and their almost wedding, and hearing that story, Peter couldn’t keep from laughing, as it seemed so exactly like Fin.
While he was deeply curious about Olivia and Noah’s life, he couldn’t bear to ask more than “is Liv ok?” during those conversations, insisting Carisi keep his answers simply yes or no without explanation. Shortly after leaving, Peter had confided in Carisi about his feelings for Olivia, and since then, he was the only person he’d opened up to about her. It took a long time for him to even be able to hear Olivia’s name without feeling his heart break all over again. He hoped she’d moved on and found someone, found happiness, but he felt discovering the details would be too hard.
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After a quick visit with Jack McCoy and promises for get-togethers while he was in town, Peter made his way to Carisi’s office. He was proud of his friend for taking the leap to the DA’s office and pursuing a new career at this stage of his life. The hours were far better than when he was a detective, giving him more time at home with his family.
Carisi had been expecting him met him at the door, shaking his hand and welcoming him into the room.
“Really good to see you, Peter.”
“You too, man. How are things?”
Carisi shrugged with a smile. “Couldn’t be better. Life is…really good. But what about you? I can’t believe you’re actually back here.”
Peter sighed, settling into a chair across from Carisi’s desk. “Just…struggling with memories of the past a little more this time of year.”
“Holidays are hard when you’re missing your loved ones.” Carisi nodded his understanding. As beautiful as the holidays could be, for some, the holidays were equally as hard.
“Very true.”
“Ok, so how about you come over to our place tonight?” Carisi offered. “We’re hosting Christmas with the squad and our families. I know they’d all love to see you.”
Peter held up his hands, trying to stop Carisi from going any further with his invitation. “I really shouldn’t. I’d hate to intrude.”
“You wouldn’t be intruding,” Carisi insisted. “It’s nothing fancy, just a casual thing, kids, significant others, a little bit of food. You should come.”
“It’s good that you and Amanda are still participating even though you aren’t part of the SVU squad anymore.”
Carisi glanced over at a picture on the wall, one of the whole squad on the day he adopted Billie and Jessie. “I think Liv will always consider us a part of her squad, and just because we aren’t her detectives anymore doesn’t mean we aren’t still a family.” He got really serious for a moment as he returned his gaze to Peter. “Just because you aren’t here anymore, just because you had to leave the way you did doesn’t mean you can’t still be a part of the family.”
Peter shook his head. “I don’t know. I haven’t kept in touch with anyone else all this time. I don’t…know how it would be. I don’t want to make things awkward.”
“It won’t be,” Carisi insisted. “Come on. You should get to have at least one Christmas celebration this year.”
He contemplated Carisi’s invitation for a few moments. It would be nice to see Amanda and the girls again. He’d love to catch up with Fin, and while he knew he hurt the Bensons by leaving, he’d always dreamt of seeing them again. Maybe this could work; maybe he could spend an evening with his old friends. Maybe this would give him the closure he hadn’t allowed himself to have all those years ago.
“Ok. You’ve convinced me. I guess I’ll see you this evening.”
“This will be good,” Carisi said with a smile. “You’ll see.”
All Peter could do was hope his friend was right.
[][][][][]
Several hours later, Peter was nervously standing outside Carisi and Amanda’s door. Even though he’d been reassured that everyone would welcome him, there were still nerves, especially thinking about seeing Olivia again, especially after the way things ended between them.
A few days after his courthouse goodbye, on his last night in town, Peter had stopped by Olivia’s apartment, needing to see her one last time and open up about the feelings he’d alluded to previously. Noah was already asleep when he arrived, and after having one of the hardest conversations of his life on her couch over a glass of wine where he confessed his feelings for her, Olivia had let him kiss her before leading him to her bed.
They’d shared an incredible night together, a beautiful goodbye. She’d let him hold her as she slept, her head pillowed on his chest, and even now, there were nights he woke early, thinking about her, and he would swear he could feel her lying in his arms.
The next morning held a little awkwardness, especially regarding Noah, but Peter had been out of Olivia’s bed before her son woke, and after cooking breakfast for all of them, he’d accompanied Olivia to drop Noah off at school before letting her drive him to the airport. They’d shared one last kiss before he had to watch her drive away.
Peter initially wanted to keep in touch with them, to stay involved in both Bensons’ lives, but very quickly he realized it was too hard, and he knew if he didn’t make a clean break, he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from running back to her. Olivia deserved more, better than him, and he loved her enough to let her go, to let her be free.
He just hoped that in their time apart, she’d found the love she deserved.
[][][][][]
When the door opened, Amanda was standing on the other side. “Peter! It’s so good to see you!” she said, welcoming him with a hug. “Sonny wasn’t sure you’d actually come, so we’re glad you’re here. Come on in and see everyone!”
After Carisi stepped out of the kitchen for a quick hello, Fin spotted Peter and rushed over to greet him.
“Peter Stone, what are you doing back in the city?” he asked, shaking his hand.
He shrugged, replying, “What can I say? I missed the place.”
Fin motioned to a group standing together, and he introduced them as his family, his fiancé Phoebe, his son Ken, son-in-law Alejandro, their little boy and newborn daughter.
While Peter introduced himself to them and spent a few minutes catching up with Fin, he heard a loud, “Coach!”
When Peter turned around, a much-taller, much more grown-up Noah Benson was rushing over to him. “Noah! I have sure missed you, buddy,” he said as Noah threw his arms around him. “You’ve grown up so much!”
Noah rolled his eyes as he laughed. “You’ve been gone a long time, Peter.”
“Still. How have you been?” Peter asked with a smile.
“I’m great! I didn’t know you were going to be here today!”
Peter shrugged as he answered. “It was a pretty last minute invitation, but I’m really happy to get to see you. Maybe we’ll have some time for you to show me your baseball skills while I’m here?”
Noah’s face dropped a little, and he hesitated a little before he responded. “I…um…I quit playing ball when you left. I wasn’t having fun anymore, and I decided that I wanted to take dance lessons instead. I really love it.”
He was surprised at Noah’s news, but he was proud of the boy for pursuing an activity he was truly interested in. “I’m glad you found something you love. I’m sure you’re a great dancer, and I’d love to hear more about it.”
Noah looked relieved at Peter’s reaction. “I know that my mom has videos on her phone. She loves to tell people about my dancing. Hey Mom!” he called out over his shoulder. “Look who’s here!”
Peter looked up, his eyes scanning the room until they locked on Olivia, right as she turned around. His breath caught in his chest. She was even more beautiful than the last time he’d seen her. Her hair was longer than ever, styled in gorgeous soft waves. The deep emerald sweater and dark jeans she was wearing clung to her curves just perfectly, and he had to clench his fists to keep from reaching for her. When his eyes finally met hers, the shock and hint of pain in them saddened him, and he couldn’t stop himself from making his way toward her.
“Peter,” she said in quiet disbelief when he reached her.
“Hey Liv. It’s really really good to see you.” He hesitantly opened his arms, and after a moment of contemplation, she stepped into him, wrapping her arms around his waist.
“I-I can’t believe you’re here,” she mumbled against his shoulder.
Peter held her a little tighter, taking a moment to just enjoy having her in his arms. He’d dreamt of this, longed for this, and it felt so good to be close to her again. “I needed to come back, needed to feel close to my family for a little while. I’ve…it’s really good to see you, Liv. You look…incredible.”
Olivia stepped back out of his embrace, and Peter saw her cheeks redden just a little at his comment. He’d noticed before how she’d always struggled to receive compliments, but he couldn’t stop himself from telling her right now. She was stunning.
“Um, thanks,” she said, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. “It’s good to see you too.”
They talked for awhile, catching up in between interruptions from children and squad members. Just as Carisi announced that dinner was ready, the front door opened, and a man Peter didn’t recognize blew in.
“Sorry everyone!” the man said. “Interrogation lasted a little longer than I expected.” He walked around the room, greeting everyone else, sharing a hug and a fist bump with Noah, before making his way over to Peter and Olivia.
Peter watched as the man’s arm slipped around Olivia’s waist, and his lips pressed a kiss to the side of her head. “Hey Liv. I’m so sorry I’m late.”
“It’s ok. You’re here now,” Olivia replied, looking up at him with a smile, the first genuine smile Peter had seen from her since he arrived. “El, this is Peter Stone. He was our ADA before Carisi moved over there.”
The man — El, as Olivia had called him — extended his hand to Peter. “Nice to meet you. I’m Elliot Stabler. Liv and I are…”
He stopped, looking down at Olivia, as if asking her permission to label whatever their relationship was.
“We’re partners,” Olivia said, a smile stretching even further across her face.
“Yeah,” Elliot quietly replied, an even bigger smile on his face. “Partners.” He lifted Olivia’s hand to his lips, and that was when Peter noticed the diamond on her finger for the first time.
It hurt, just a little. Of course Peter was happy that Olivia had found happiness with someone, but he couldn’t deny that a part of him that wished it could’ve been his ring on her finger.
Elliot kissed her head again and reached for her near-empty wine glass, silently offering to get her a refill. When he stepped away, Peter quietly congratulated Olivia.
“I’m really happy for you, Liv. It seems like things are going really well for you.”
“Thank you,” Olivia said, unable to pull her gaze away from Elliot. “Elliot and I…we’re…really good.”
“I just noticed your ring. How long have you been married?” It was a detail he was surprised Carisi left out of their conversations, and Peter wasn’t sure he really wanted to know the answer, but he couldn’t prevent himself from asking it anyway.
Turning her eyes back to him, Olivia answered, “We’re not married. He just proposed a couple of months ago, but we haven’t talked about anything more. We’re just…enjoying being together. I don’t know that we’ll ever get married, but Elliot is a pretty traditional guy, so if me wearing his ring makes him happy, I’ll do it.”
“He’s a cop too?”
“He is. He was my first partner at SVU, and we…reconnected a few years ago.” Peter could tell by the little smirk on her face that there was more to the story than what she was telling him.
Elliot briefly rejoined them, long enough to return Olivia’s refilled wine glass, kiss her head again, and whisper, “Missed you.”
When he walked away again, Peter couldn’t help but press Olivia for a little more information. “He’s been away?”
Olivia nodded. “Working a case. He’s part of the organized crime task force, and they’ve had a really intense case, so Noah and I haven’t seen him in a few days. It’s been hard, especially this time of year.”
Peter watched Elliot for a moment as he interacted with the other party guests, comfortable, as though he’d been a part of this chosen family forever.
When he looked back at Olivia, he said, “I’m glad he was able to make it. I’m sure it wouldn’t have been the same for you and Noah without him.”
Olivia glanced toward Elliot once more, a soft smile on her face. “Yeah. We’ve really missed him.” She put her hand on Peter’s arm and said, “Come on. Let’s get some food Fin gets it all.” Peter laughed as he followed her to the kitchen.
When everyone filled their plates and moved to the dining room, Peter ended up sitting between Carisi and Fin, while Olivia’s family was seated across the table from him.
As he ate, Peter was drawn to Olivia, unable to take his eyes off of her. She rarely spoke to the group, mostly sharing whispers with Elliot. There was a lightness, a glow about her that Peter had never seen before. ‘She’s in love,’ he thought to himself, and he couldn’t stop the smile that spread across his face at the thought. Happiness is all he’d ever wanted for Olivia, and he was thrilled that it seemed she’d found it. Elliot was sweet to her, attentive, not overbearing, but it seemed he truly wanted to take care of her. The Olivia Benson that Peter knew was fiercely independent, so he knew she must really trust this man to let her guard down, to relax enough to let someone care for her.
After dinner, while the table was cleared, the food was put away, and the children’s Christmas gifts were being gathered, Peter noticed Elliot slip his hand into Olivia’s and pull her toward the hall. His curiosity was getting the better of him, so he casually made his way across the room to follow. What he saw stopped him in his tracks.
Halfway down the hall, Olivia and Elliot were in each other’s arms, the man’s lips pressing gentle but insistent kisses against hers.
“El, we can’t,” Olivia said, sinking further into his embrace.
“Sure we can. Everyone’s busy, and I really missed you so much these last few days.” Elliot’s thumb brushed against a tiny sliver of exposed skin at Olivia’s waist. “You look so pretty, baby.”
Olivia wrapped her arm around Elliot’s neck, pulling him closer to deepen their kisses. He watched as Elliot’s hand drifted from her waist downward until it reached her backside, squeezing just briefly before Olivia’s free hand grabbed it, relocating it to her hip. Elliot smirked between kisses, pressing his weight into her until her back landed against the wall, her head cradled by his hand so she didn’t crash.
As his lips traveled to her jaw, Olivia mumbled, “El, we have to stop before someone sees us. Amanda will kill me if she catches us making out in her house.”
Elliot continued his task, pausing only to say, “I just need a minute, baby.”
She pulled his face back to hers and kissed him hard. “Mmm, don’t call me baby.”
Elliot chuckled as he went in for one last deep kiss. When he finally pulled away, his lips pressed a sweet, chaste kiss against her forehead, a complete opposite of the desperate, lingering kisses they’d just been exchanging. Olivia smiled up at him, her thumb wiping away evidence of her lipstick on his mouth before straightening her clothes and fluffing her hair.
As Olivia began to walk away, Elliot stopped her, his hand cradling her cheek for a moment. “I love you,” he said with a soft smile.
“I love you,” she echoed earnestly.
Before Peter could slip back into the living room, Noah rushed past him, stopping when he saw his mother and her…partner.
“Ew, gross, Mom!” he whined. “Do you have to do that when we’re in public?”
Elliot rushed over, tossing a giggling Noah over his shoulder and tickling his side. “That’s what you do when you love someone, kiddo.” When he placed Noah back on his feet, one of his hands ruffled the boy’s hair as he said, “Go make sure all of our gifts for the kids are out. Mom and I will be there in a sec.”
Peter quickly relocated to living room, planting himself in a corner of the couch so that he could watch. A few moments later, as everyone gathered together in the living room to watch the children open presents, Olivia sat down next to him, Fin’s granddaughter cradled against her chest.
“She’s beautiful,” Peter said softly, his finger reaching over to gently stroke the baby’s cheek.
Olivia smiled, snuggling her a little closer before kissing her head. “She’s perfect.”
“Makes you want another one, huh?” Peter asked.
Laughing, Olivia said, “Definitely not! I’m perfectly content being Auntie Liv to these little ones, and I’m enjoying having Elliot’s grandchildren in my life. It’s good just like this.”
They were interrupted when Amanda’s daughters rushed over, and Olivia turned the baby around in her arms so the girls could talk to her and snuggle her. Olivia was a natural with the little ones, and he couldn’t take his eyes off of her. But it was hard to watch, because when Peter first felt himself falling for Olivia, he’d wished they’d met sooner. Maybe he could’ve given her a baby; maybe he could’ve built a family with her and Noah.
The party guests had been very generous with gifts for the children, and their excitement was contagious. Peter was sure he hadn’t smiled this much in years. The kids had so much fun opening gifts and sharing with each other. Noah was the oldest of the children, and he didn’t hesitate to put his own packages aside to help tear ribbons and open boxes for Amanda’s girls or Fin’s grandkids. Peter was proud of the boy, and when he glanced over at Olivia, he saw the same look of pride on her face. She was raising such a good kid, and he knew it couldn’t have been easy doing it alone all these years. He was thankful that it seemed she’d found finally someone to do life with, her partner.
After gifts were opened and everyone began cleaning and packing up, Peter saw Elliot pull Noah into a hug and say, “Go gather your things. It’s been a long few days, and I’m ready to spend a quiet night at home with my two favorite Bensons.”
“Got it, Dad.”
Dad.
There was a time when Peter could’ve seen himself as a father to the boy. He connected with Noah almost immediately after meeting him, and as they became closer, he dreamt of being a real father to him, of being in his life for the rest of his life. But he could tell that whatever Noah had with Elliot was special and that Noah had found the father-figure he’d always wanted.
Peter’s eyes drifted back to Olivia, who was completely focused on her partner and her son, a small, contented smile on her face.
It was time for Peter to go. Although he’d enjoyed himself, enjoyed spending time with his former coworkers, it was time for him to really let go of what could have been and move forward. Olivia was happy, happier than he’d ever known her to be, and seeing it firsthand provided the closure that he’d been missing in the years since he’d left.
Peter thanked Amanda and Carisi for hosting everyone, shared goodbye handshakes with Fin and his family, before making his way to Olivia.
“I’m glad you came, Peter. It was really good to see you,” she said.
“I’m glad I came too. It was nice to catch up with everyone. I…didn’t realize how much I missed it here.”
She put her hand on his arm, squeezing it just a little. “You’re welcome here anytime. Even though you…left the way you did, you’ll always be a part of this family.”
“Thanks, Liv.” He glanced over where Elliot and Noah were gathering trash bags to take downstairs. “I’m glad you and Elliot found each other. You and Noah seem really happy.”
“We are,” she said, placing her hand over her heart as tears formed in her eyes. “Life is…” She stopped as a few tears slipped out. “It’s really good.”
Peter reached out and wiped at her tears before pulling her into a quick hug. “You deserve it, Liv.”
“You do too, Peter. I hope you find this one day.”
Peter shrugged. “We’ll see, I guess.”
“Peter, you should keep in touch,” Olivia insisted, and he could tell she genuinely meant her words. “Noah has really missed you, and you’re still a part of this family, if you want to be.”
A huge smile stretched across his face. “Thank you for that. It means a lot. Maybe I’ll have to come back soon. I need to see that son of yours dance.”
“He’d really love that,” Olivia answered. She looked back over where Elliot was helping Noah gather the last of their belongings. “I better get over there and help them. Merry Christmas Peter.”
“Merry Christmas Liv.”
Peter watched Olivia rejoin her family, slipping into Elliot’s arms as he kissed her head before whispering something in her ear that made her laugh. It was a beautiful sound that warmed Peter’s heart.
Maybe she was right. Maybe he could be a part of this family again.
Maybe he didn’t have to be alone anymore, especially on Christmas.