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There is a saying in the Splatlands that goes a little something like this: “When two Chargers make eye contact - well, that means that at least one of them has had to have missed their shot.”
They have to edit that saying or something and change it to “all long-ranged weapons” or some other equivalent, because at the very moment, Ethan wishes he were going against another Charger. No, today he was wholly captured in what could really be considered the worst Turf War of his entire 18 years of living. His poor team couldn’t even catch a break! It was staggered spawn after staggered spawn, getting picked off by flying ink coming out of practically nowhere.
“Well, shit…” He shoots out from the respawners, trying to shake off the sensation of having literal globs of exploding ink decimate his poor team. There was only a minute and a half to spare left in the match, so this final push had to count. Charger in hand, he darts off towards the middle of the map, only somewhat remembering to fire off a few shots to cover spots of missed turf.
“Hey!” calls a teammate, an Inkling girl with an Aerospray in hand. She looks weary, clearly not expecting to have put up a fight today. “Can’t you take care of their Explosher? I’m trying to turf here…”
Ah. A girl. So he has to impress her or something with his Charger skills, right? That’s what he’s supposed to do, at least. Yes, that’s the very reason he picked up this weapon in the first place! Hot chicks LOVE Charger mains! Obviously!
“Erm,” he stammers, readying his aim for any sign of the enemy. This is far from a confidence-inspiring command. “I’ve got it. Don’t worry.”
However, by the time he turns around, the teammate is already gone, most likely throwing Fizzy Bombs in the general direction of where she sees enemy ink. Maybe he’ll go to watch over where she’s poking at? Or should he try to retake the left side of the map?
His train of thought is immediately disrupted by a Curling Bomb rushing past his feet, inking the turf around him. If it’s from that scary enemy Splat Roller, then… Shit, he has to retreat to a better perch! He can’t play this weapon like it’s his Dark Tetra Dualies!
Ethan tosses down a Splat Bomb in a frenzy, retreating up to the grated perch on his side of the spawn. It’ll leave him without much ink for the time being, but it’s his only option at the moment, considering that all Rollers that throw out Curling Bombs are sure to follow with a deadly Ninja Squid combo. He’s been on the receiving end of that attack at least three times this round, and damn it won’t happen again!
However, a spray of ink overtakes him, and just as Ethan turns around to meet his opponent - an Octoling with a rather… interesting set of gear - they’re gone as soon as he turns around. His Splat Bomb detonates, consuming the Splat Roller user in a spray of blue ink, sending their little Octoling ghost back to the respawners.
The plan worked! He finally got a splat this match - and during the last minute, at that! Somewhere on the other side of the map, his teammates are celebrating as well - they’ve taken out another two, so that means that they most definitely have this match!
“C’mon, guys!” The Inkling girl from before is back, covered in a smattering of yellow ink but remains otherwise unscathed. Besides her is another of his random teammates… Well, maybe Ethan is considered the rando here, but he won’t think too hard about that at the moment. They share a brief chorus of ‘Booyah!’s, and then set off to spray a fresh coat of ink over the rest of the map. Now is the chance to decisively hold the rest of the match down, recapturing as much turf as possible and holding down the middle of the map with his superior Charger range.
With much gusto, he swims atop the platform in the middle of the map and perches there, patiently waiting for any opportunity to get a super cool snipe off. As of the moment, the yellow ink is largely confined to the opposite end of Hammerhead Bridge - oh, there goes another Fizzy Bomb and a Point Sensor. Maybe he’ll try a jump shot to end the match on a good note…
Bom. Bom. The unmistakable sound of an Explosher’s shots reverberate around him, and the time to shoot is quite literally now or never. He hopes Aerospray girl is watching, because that’s how things like this are supposed to go. Get the girl, right?
Ready… aim… fire. The Inkling glides off the platform, performing a somersault as if it was second nature - thank playing Tetras for that - and firing off a fully charged shot. The recoil ripples through his entire body, and although it’s not an E-Liter by any means, its power is enough to shake all the ink inside of him. The shot is precise, and the ink rockets through the slightly cold air, and--!
He
Missed
His shot…
…Because of that piece of shit Explosher ruining his life!
Lo and behold, the aforementioned “piece of shit Explosher” was gleefully perched atop his own side’s grates, casually raining mayhem upon the blue team. It was a little difficult to see his face - what’s up with the big hat? - but it was extremely apparent that he wasn’t going to budge from his vantage point. Nope, not at all, especially with all those turf points racking up and the blue team skittering about trying to avoid the barrage of exploding sloshes.
Ugh! The Explosher is a heavyweight class, right?! The shot shouldn’t be that hard to get, all things considered! So he’ll go for it again, he’ll close the distance and get that super cool shot—!
“Hey, watch it!” Aerospray Girl barks as Ethan clumsily navigates his way closer to the perch. She stumbles a bit, but holds her ground.
“Dude, move!” says another teammate - a Splattershot Junior who’s busy lobbing bombs at the enemy base. He’s found himself tangled with Aero Girl and Ethan.
“Watch out!” is one of the last things Ethan hears before all four members of his team are completely doused in hot-hot-hot ink. Bombs and ink go flying everywhere, but the deal is already done.
WIPEOUT!
And it’s game set to not only the tune of a whistle, but a sweet, harmonious laugh - one that puzzles Ethan, and he finds he wouldn’t really mind spending some time solving it.
The match results were about as expected. Yep, a loss between about 54 to 46 percent in the yellow team’s favor sounds about right, and it wasn’t like Judd was ever incorrect in his rulings. Everyone on the blue team silently shuffles back to the lobby, clearly not wanting to talk about the blunder at the end of the match.
Man, damn other backliners. Ethan could pick off literally anyone else, no problem! Dualies dodge rolling? Easy picks! A Zipcaster hurtling at him? Free target practice, duh! The inkling sighs to himself, choosing instead to pick at his dusty yellow coat in lieu of moping around. There was just something about seeing another anchor player and feeling the absolute need to run it down, especially if they were another guy. Erm. Uh. No, not really, right?
But the principle of the matter here was that damn Explosher! In fact, Ethan surmises to himself, he’d give him a real piece of his mind for just sitting at perch the entire match and raining havoc upon a bunch of poor little squidkids. Yeah, that’ll teach him…
Alas, the words didn’t quite come out as intended, and rather, Ethan ends up grating out an entirely different phrase:
“Fucking piece of shit Explosher ruining my life!” Well, might as well keep the ball rolling at this point, even if everyone’s staring with various shades of displeasure. Oh, there he is, Mr. Weird Hat Explosher Guy…
“Hey, asshole!” Ethan quickly stamps over to where that damn camper is packing up his gear for the day. “Don’t you dare leave this lobby before I—!”
“Hm?” Hat goes off, goodbye Mr. Weird Hat Explosher Guy, hello Mr. Brilliant Smile Explosher Guy.
…
… Hold on.
Wait, that’s not right. Since when did annoying fucking Explosher mains become so attractive? Hey, since when did the locker room lighting get all crazy focused on the kinda-cute Octoling in front of him? And, hang on a second, who knew that another guy’s brown eyes could twinkle like little shards of amber under fluorescent light? No, that’s not right at all! So the only reasonable option is…
“Wait, come back! Did you need something? Wait… Hold up!”
Juan sighs to himself as he watches the strange Inkling boy scatter away. It seemed like he wanted something, but didn’t get to tell him. Well, it was a close match, all things considered, so he would simply slide a note into the other’s locker and ask him for a rematch.