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I am so used to our conversations and bickering. What ever he might say, I will always have rebuttals for them. May it be sarcastic, serious, or just anything just to cut him off. This will always be us. Loud and annoying. Yet at the end of the day, the words I love you will always slip out of his mouth making it hard to breathe. Making me skip a heart beat.
And now that he's leaving a million thoughts per second passes through my head. I want to say something to him that would assure him that everything will be all right. No words come out of my stupid mouth. I'm right here beside him hovering like a sim with nothing to do. I'm trying my best to make my presence felt. Trying to--struggling to outshine the other hyungs' energy.
I just look at him being smothered by attention. I know the words that could summarize whatever that is in me right now. Those three words, when let out of my mouth will surely cause an overflowing dam of tears from hyung. I need to be strong. I need to. For the both of us.
With shaking hands, I reached out to touch his hair. I know he felt how my hands trembled on his head. I can feel him trying to be closer to me but can't.
When it was my turn to take a photo with him. I couldn't bring myself to be in contact with him. I dont care if the photos would turn out awkward. Whatever. It wont make my hyung stay beside me.
"I know you're scared. I am too. I'll miss you too but it will only be just for a short while," Seokjin said to me. I am glad that we both have masks on and that I have most of my face covered because I am crying now.
He knows that I an crying but I wont let him see me like this. I dont want that the last thing he would remember is my crying face.
He is now walking away from me. I know that it will not be forever but being away from hyung is hard. We have been together almost half my life. Being separated from the love of my life would be so hard.
Hyung would understand why I couldn't get a single word from my mouth. I know that he felt whatever message I have conveyed through my actions. Because he knows that, that was me being brave for the both of us.
Time will just sweep through its course and would bring him back inside my arms.