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Intuition .
She knew it as soon as she opened her eyes. Today was the day. She felt it. Her mother always told her that a woman’s intuition was nothing to be fucked with. If something tugs at your stomach or your heart, you follow it. You understand it. You believe it. It was her intuition that made her go home early the night she caught Joe cheating. The same intuition she ignored when she decided to invite Janine and Jacob to her home. Today she was ignoring that intuition again. It couldn’t be today. She wasn’t ready. They didn’t get enough time together. She swallowed that gut feeling down as her wife peppered the back of her neck with kisses. Melissa rolled over, meeting a bright smile and soft lips.
“I love you so much. You don’t even know how much. I will spend the rest of my days showing you how much,” Barbara told her, as she did every morning. The exact same words every day. Usually it would make Melissa’s heart pound out of her chest with love. Today they made her heart leap in her throat and tears fill her eyes.
Intuition
“I love you too. So much. And I will spend the rest of my days showing you that I understand.” Melissa hoped she hid the sadness in her eyes behind her words. Barbara smiled, moving to kiss Melissa on the forehead, nose, and lips. Melissa sighed, clutching the other woman closer. Barbara broke away, running her fingers through the mess of red hair.
“Okay. Would you like some breakfast? I can whip up some pancakes?” Melissa sighed running her hands along Barbara’s side, memorizing every curve as if she didn’t know them already.
“Sure!” Barbara seemed perfectly fine this morning. Today was going to be a great day. Fuck her intuition. It was wrong . She had time .
“Alright. I’m gonna go to the garage and get the griddle. I’ll meet you downstairs.” Melissa said, shooting out of bed.
“Actually, sweetheart, I’m gonna stay up here. I’m a little tired today.” Shit . There it was again.
“Okay. I’ll be up with your cakes in a little while,” Melissa said as confidently as she could. If it was the day. It would be later, right? Right ? Melissa stretched before starting to walk out of their room.
“Melissa,” Barbara called after her. She turned around, looking at Barbara laying in their bed, the most beautiful she’d ever seen her. Shit . Barbara smiled again, “I love you.”
“I love you too, you big softy.” Melissa smiled back, throwing a wink.
Melissa made it down the steps before tears filled her eyes. She moved through the kitchen trying to be quiet, going to the garage and grabbing their griddle. She stopped at some points when a sob couldn’t help but escape her lips, looking at the walls that held all of the memories of her and Barbara through the years. Before they were married and after. It was wild to look at because if you didn’t know them, by their pictures together you would think that they had always been married. They should’ve always been married. They both wasted so much time, and now- Melissa wanted to throw up. It wasn’t happening. They still had time.
Melissa gathered all of her ingredients for her pancakes, grabbing the blueberries to mix into them, and started making their breakfast. She worked quickly as if she was on a time crunch. But she wasn’t . She- they- had time. She stirred faster, her heart racing. She was going to vomit.
Intuition
She felt it the moment it happened . She glanced at the clock. What time is it? 9:28 am. Time was up. Melissa fell to her knees, batter falling on the floor next to her. A mixture of a scream and a wail climbing its way up her throat and out of her mouth. She crawled across the floor, begging God to let her be wrong. She knew she wasn’t but she wanted to be. She wanted to be so bad. Barbara’s condition was one that you could die from or die with. She had hoped it was going to be with. But with every passing day it looked like it was going to be from. Barbara had been fighting it, living her life free and for herself. Using her time to love and be loved. Why would God cut it so short? She stood up, stumbling up the steps and into their room. She fell onto the bed clutching at the lifeless body next to her.
“Barb! Barbara! I love you so much. Too much. C’mon honey. Please. Answer me. Tell me how much you love me. ” Melissa pleaded. She looked up, clutching the cross and saints around her neck, “Give her back to me, please! Give her back! ”
She just wanted more time .