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Tony stood in front of the full-length mirror in the corner of the walk-in closet, adjusting the cuffs on his jacket and surveying his overall appearance. “Are you sure this is a good idea?” he asked for the umpteenth time that evening, looking at Steve through the reflective glass as Steve searched for a suitable tie. “We don’t have to go. Just because it’s in my name, I’m actually not required to show up. The fact I even got an invitation is weary. Normally they ban me from my own events – something about reputation and public decency. So we can totally skip and make out like horny teenagers instead.”
Steve didn’t look up from the two silk ties in his hands. “We’re going, Tony,” he said, weighing his decision carefully.
“How about you go and I’ll stay and make out with a cardboard-cutout of you like a horny teenager then? Pepper will be there to represent the company. You can be her arm candy.” Tony spun around with a sudden thought. “Oh! We can create a scandal! Captain America cheats on billionaire Tony Stark with Stark’s former PA; Tony heartbroken. It’ll be on every front page by the morning.”
His answer came in the form of a bunched up tie to the face. “I would never cheat on you, and certainly not with Pepper,” Steve said firmly. “Especially when she’s with Happy. Don’t even joke about something like that, Tony.”
Tony took the silk material in hand and went to Steve, frowning. “You never let me have any fun,” he pouted. “Your reputation is too golden to tarnish, anyway. Mine’s already severely rusted. And it’s not like it would actually be true. Anyone who believed it shouldn’t be wasting their time on celebrity trash talk to begin with.” He leaned back against the dresser.
“You’re going,” Steve repeated and took the tie from Tony, draping it around Tony’s neck. “It’s not going to kill you to smile and shake a few hands for a couple of hours.” He crossed the ends and looped it around to form a knot, adjusting it accordingly.
“Why not get me a line of chorus girls, a script, and make me sell bonds?” Tony muttered under his breath.
Steve smacked him (hard) on the side of the head, glaring at him. Tony started to hum Star Spangled Man, dodging Steve’s next attack and gliding easily across the floor with a giant grin; jumping onto the bed when Steve lunged for him.
“I swear, Tony, if you don’t shut up right now, I’ll-“
“What? Punish me?” He smirked, walking backwards along the mattress. “Bend me over your knee and spank me?” Tony wiggled his eyebrows, humming happily.
Steve sighed, pushing himself up. “We don’t have time for this,” he said, fixing his own tie. “Get off the bed and let’s go before we’re late.”
Tony dropped to his knees. “Will you punch out Hitler for me?” He batted his eyelashes.
“I’m going to throw you over the balcony in about five seconds,” Steve replied with irritation. He really hated when Tony was behaving like a childish asshole and mocking his past. He wasn’t overly proud of the stage performances, but it was done and over. No one alive (minus himself) even remembered. Tony, the bastard, got a hold of the footage.
“You’re threatening me,” Tony said, pointing at Steve. “I feel threatened.”
Steve took the opportunity to grab Tony’s wrist and pull him up from the bed and onto the floor. “Super-solider strength is cheating!” Tony grimaced, Steve holding him tighter than necessary.
“We need to leave,” Steve replied and lead Tony to the door.
In the hall Tony yelled, “Domestic violence! I need an adult!” and put up mild resistance that only ended up in him awkwardly stumbling along. “I’m going to tell my boyfriend on you.”
When they reached the large gathering area that was commonly referred to as the living room, Steve released Tony; angling himself to block Tony from trying to escape. The television was on and the lights overhead were dim enough to provide only enough brightness to make everything in the room out. “Peter,” Steve called, resting against the lower curve of Tony’s back when, oops – he was already trying to leave. “We’re leaving now.”
The sound of a soft thud echoed out followed by Peter climbing over the back of the couch and running towards them. He was already in his pajamas – ridiculous X-Men ones he insisted he had to have because companies made a quick buck on whatever they possibly could (and no way in hell was Tony allowing any of the Avengers merchandise into his tower since that was creepy).
Peter collided into Tony’s legs and wrapped his knees into a hug. “Bye-bye Papa! Bye-bye Daddy!” Tony patted Peter’s head.
“Be good for your Uncle Clint,” Steve told him.
Speaking of which, “Where is Barton?” Tony asked, squinting at the room.
“Yo,” he heard, a hand lifting up from behind the couch. “Have fun at your – whatever you’re going to. Me and my man P are going to have a serious night of bonding. Isn’t that right, short stuff?”
Peter looked up with large, excited eyes. “Uncle Clint is going to teach me to play poker!”
Tony sighed, “Of course he is,” and pinched the bridge of his nose, taking a deep breath then slowly exhaling. It had to be Clint available that night. There were reasons Tony’s never left Peter alone with him before. Many, many reasons.
“Remember bedtime is at nine,” Steve said, hand slipping around to Tony’s hip and giving it a soft squeeze.
“I know, Daddy,” Peter dramatically exhaled. “That’s still forever away!” Really, it was just over two hours, but to kids time was infinite. Peter, for example, could only tell time by the length of his favorite cartoons (“I was building circuit boards at his age,” Tony would grumble when Peter acted, well, normal).
Clint’s face popped up, a hand waving at them. “Go, already, before there’s no parking.”
“There’s a valet.”
“Well go before you’re late.”
“What’s your hurry, Barton?” Tony arched an eyebrow. “Trying to get rid of us to call your boyfriend over to do dirty things on my couch?” Clint’s grin was entirely unsettling. “Oh hell no, you little devil. Your only priority tonight is Peter, got it? I even hear that Coulson’s near the tower I’ll rip your arms off.”
“Relax, Stark. No one’s coming over. I’m not stupid.”
Peter tugged at Tony’s pants so Tony pulled him up into his arms, receiving a proper hug and a light kiss to the cheek from the four-year-old. “G’night Papa,” he said, squeezing him.
“Night buddy,” Tony answered, passing the boy to Steve to do the same then accepting him back. Tony set Peter down, crouching to his level and looking him straight in the eye. “You remember how to reach us if Jarvis can’t?” Peter nodded. “And you remember where to go if the alarm goes off?”
Peter nodded again.
“And you remember the emergency code to the lab?”
“Yes, Papa. Put in the code and go to the corner and wait for you or Daddy or Uncle Bruce or Aunt Nat-“
“Yeah, good,” Tony cut him off, patting Peter’s shoulder. “And if you can’t get to the lab?”
“Tony,” Steve’s gentle but firm voice cut their conversation.
“We’ll be fine, Stark,” Clint called, dropping from view again.
“Just…be good.” Tony stood up again.
“I will!” Peter grinned, spinning around and running back to the couch. Tony watched, mildly impressed, as Peter managed to climb back up and over the couch and out of Tony’s view.
“C’mon,” Steve said, taking Tony’s hand into his and leading him to the elevator.
Once the doors closed them in, Tony dropped his head against the wall with a heavy thud. “It’s going to be fine,” Steve assured Tony, rubbing the back of Tony’s neck.
“It had to be Clint,” Tony spoke against the cold wood. “Everyone else had to be busy. Or on another planet. We should have sent Peter to Asgard for the night. Peter would love that.”
Amused, Steve asked, “You’d honestly be okay with your son on a completely different planet with a demi-god that loves to drink, party, and break things?”
Tony sagged against the elevator, eyes closing. “No,” he eventually mumbled. “Though I’d still feel better leaving him with Thor than Clint.”
“Give him some credit. He’s not that bad of a guy.”
“No, he’s not,” Tony said, “Because he’s an overgrown child. With a bow. And arrows. Why do we let him have those again?”
“It’s only a few hours, Tony. Soon Peter will be in bed and Clint will probably play Angry Birds or whatever on the tablet until we get back. So try to relax and have a good time?” The elevator stopped, doors parting to reveal Tony’s large collection of cars. “How often are we able to spend time alone, anyway? Think of this as a date.”
Tony stood up and turned to face Steve, backing him against the other wall and fitting their mouths together. He sucked on Steve’s lip then worked his tongue into Steve’s mouth, hands sliding up Steve’s body and along the soft material of whatever designer material the suit was made of.
Steve went along with it until he couldn’t hold back a moan at which point he had to push Tony back a little, lips no-doubt swollen and breath unsteady. He licked his lips and glared at Tony. “Stop stalling,” he said, frowning at the smirk on Tony’s face.
“You’re right, we should get a move on. We’ll probably get pulled apart and won’t see each other until the end of the night when I’m down at least a few hundred thousand dollars and you’ll have been thoroughly groped by the rich old women.” Tony stepped out of the elevator and headed for a car. “I bet your ass will be sore for entirely different reasons tonight, Cap.”
Steve, taking a minute to catch up, groaned and followed.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-
All-in-all it wasn’t that bad of a night. There was semi-decent music playing and half-edible food and respectable reporters for things like The New York Times snapping pictures and getting quotes. Tony spent half the evening talking to Pepper about the company and their lack of time together lately, and the other half receiving recycled compliments and pathetic schmoozing so he’d hand over his fortune.
Tony also tried not to laugh too hard when, true to his word, Steve got cornered by a group of wealthy old ladies that touched and squeezed and groped every inch of him they could reach; from bicep to buttocks. Steve blushed madly and tried to politely create distance or leave them entirely while Tony watched from their assigned table with great amusement before taking pity when Steve looked ready to cry by going to rescue him.
“Excuse me, ladies,” Tony interrupted their giddy laugher and hungry eyes. “I really must take Steve here around to meet some of the dedicated patrons. Captain America is quite popular amongst my benefactors.”
“Captain hot-stuff is more like it,” one of them commented.
“You can rescue me any time,” another said.
“I’ll get stuck in your tree,” a third one said with an entirely devious grin that made Steve’s eyes double in size and Tony struggle to keep from doubling over in laughter. “Meow,” she purred, batting a hand at him.
“I’m, uh, I’m sorry, ma’am, but I- I don’t-“ Steve stuttered uncontrollably.
Deciding Steve’s suffered enough, Tony wrapped an arm around Steve’s waist and pressed against him; Steve instantly pressing back. “You’ll have to excuse him, ladies. He’s a bit shy.” Tony leaned up and captured Steve’s mouth with his own, making a little show of the action, then pulled away to ask, “Aren’t you, dear?”
The group of women muttered under their breaths and dispersed after that. Tony couldn’t contain his laughter any longer and released Steve as he let loose. “It’s not funny!” Steve hissed at Tony. “I feel very violated. I think one of them got a hand below my waist!”
“You think?” Tony asked, still laughing.
“I don’t know for sure because it was quick, but it felt…personal.”
Unable to resist, Tony moved a hand to press against Steve’s groin, cupping him. “Like this?”
Steve slapped his hand away. “Tony, we’re in a public place!” he scolded.
“I told you it would happen. You’re a cougar’s dream – the poolboy fantasy every sexually frustrated woman drools over.”
“The what? What do cougars have to do with this?”
Tony laughed harder, actually folding over and grabbing his stomach. People were looking but he didn’t care. This was too good. He laughed so hard that he started choking, tears escaping his eyes.
“I’m glad you find this funny,” Steve sarcastically bit out at him. “That was very awkward for me. I’ve never had women act that way towards me before. Even after the serum.”
Tony latched onto Steve to keep him from collapsing all together and tried to calm himself. “Relax, Steve. You’re just fresh meat. These ladies do it to all the good looking young guys. Just smile and let them get a feel or two then walk away. They write checks big enough to fill this room in solid gold.”
“As appreciative of their donation as I am, I am not comfortable being touched or propositioned like that.” Steve glared at Tony, eyes showing how upset he was. “I don’t cheat.”
“Trust me Steve, that’s not cheating.”
“Well it feels that way to me!” Steve snapped and all of Tony’s laughter quickly evaporated.
Tony took Steve’s hand and squeezed it, looking him square in the eyes. “You’re right. I’m sorry. Super inappropriate and uncalled for. Their actions and my laughter. I know you’d never cheat on me. Let’s just go sit down and look pretty for the cameras. We’ll chat with Pep.”
Steve exhaled into a small, grateful smile and nodded, the pair heading back towards the table with clasped hands (six years now, hardly a secret).
-*-*-*-*-*-*-
It was just past midnight when they managed to escape and return home. The night was a success, raising a couple million for – baby seals? Prevention of rainforest destruction? Hungry African orphans in need of tuberculosis shots and AZT? – Tony couldn’t keep track anymore. He donated to so many charities he’d lost track years ago. He had people that handled all of that for him. Tony just signed the checks and sometimes attended the events.
“That was awful,” Steve said when they’d reached the garage. “I’d rather fight giant rabid bunnies than do that again. I think some of those ladies’ nails left marks. Tony, I think one of them bit me.”
“If you told me that earlier I could have handed that. I’m the only one allowed to bite you.” He parked the car in its designated spot amongst the others. “I could have made dust of their dentures.”
“You’re not harassing old ladies,” Steve replied with that disapproving tone Tony often got. “I just mean – how can they think that invading someone’s privacy like that is okay? You and I are old news. They had to have known we’re together.”
Tony reached over and patted Steve’s knee. “Fantasies, Steve. That’s all those women have left. Sexual innuendo, a few wandering hands, and evidently frisky mouths. Sometimes people forget boundaries – even those with money. Especially those with money. They weren’t looking to get you in bed. Well, hungry hippo may have. People like that go to those events to hit on people like you. Lifestyle of the rich and famous.”
“You have money and don’t act like that.”
Tony erupted in brief laughter. “Steve, I used to sleep with just about everyone that gave me a few minutes. The only reason I ever went to anything was to get drunk and wake up next to some stranger for Pepper to dispose of the next day. How do you think I’ve gotten banned from attending most of these things?”
Steve, shifting in the seat, cleared his throat and squared his shoulders. “Well, you don’t do that anymore.” Tony knew his past wasn’t a favorable topic with Steve. Any of it. But Tony stopped trying to hid or run from it. He’s changed now.
“No, because I found me a big blond soldier to wake up to instead,” Tony answered. “Even convinced me to have a kid which, by the way, totally ruined my figure. You’re having the next one because these hips can’t survive another pregnancy.”
Steve rolled his eyes but was smiling, shoving at Tony playfully. “You’re an idiot,” he commented, opening the door and climbing out.
“Domestic violence!” Tony called as Steve shut the door on him. He got out himself, barely standing before being pulled into a kiss by Steve that was a far cry from the innocence everyone believed Steve to have.
Right as Tony was starting to get into it, Steve pulled away with a teasing smile and took Tony by his tie, walking backwards and pulling Tony along towards the elevator. Tony made a somewhat embarrassing noise because fuck, this was hot, and warned, “Keep this up and we may finally christen the elevator.”
“Not tonight,” Steve laughed, managing to make his laugh sexy as well. Tony couldn’t be held accountable for anything that may happen between the garage and their bedroom. If they even made it there.
Once in the elevator Tony trapped Steve in the corner, blinding pressing the buttons, and connected their mouths. Steve let Tony have control of the kiss (though it was too dirty to be considered such) and worked on loosening Tony’s tie as the elevator began moving. Tony, in turn, went for the buttons of Steve’s shirt because that seemed like a far better idea, letting Steve remove the jacket Tony was wearing and dropping it to the ground.
When Tony’s fingers started messing with Steve’s belt, Steve stopped him with, “Tony, Tony, I’m not walking naked to the bedroom again,” in a husky, breathy voie that only made Tony want him naked quicker.
Tony growled in frustration and moved his hands up Steve’s bare chest, biting into his collar bone to occupy his mouth since Steve broke the kiss to scold him. “Mine,” Tony muttered against the extra-warm patch of Steve’s skin that was reddened and wet with saliva (Tony licked the bite because Steve tasted too good to resist). He didn’t care if the marks never stayed long due to the serum because it was the process of creating them that thrilled Tony.
Of course that’s when the elevator reached their floor, and if there was ever a face to instantly kill a moment, it was that of Phil Coulson. The man cleared his throat, face as stoic as the day he was born, and stood patiently with his hands in front of him.
Tony pulled away from Steve, more-than-pissed about being cockblocked. “Coulson? Why the hell are you here? I thought I made it clear to Barton you weren’t allowed over.”
Behind Tony, Steve quickly tried to do up his shirt, asking, “Something wrong, sir? We didn’t get any calls.”
“Don’t call him ‘sir’,” Tony huffed. “It’s ‘Coulson’. ‘Phil’, even. And just because Barton’s your boy-toy-“
“I came upon request of your computer,” Coulson cut Tony off with that scary-calm voice that could put the fear of God (…SHIELD?) into even Natasha.
“Jarvis?” Tony asked, then, “Jarvis! Why’d you call Supernanny over?”
Before the AI could reply though, Coulson stepped aside and out of Tony’s view and – “Jesus fuck, what happened here?”
The tower looked like an exploded bakery left over from a Hulk-strength twister. And Bruce wasn’t even in the States, so Tony knew it wasn’t the result of a rage-filled temper tantrum.
“I believe Agent Barton wanted to bake cookies,” Jarvis answered overhead.
“Really?! Because it looks like he was trying to bake the whole kitchen!” Tony stormed off the elevator and towards the living room. “Barton!” he barked angrily.
Rounding the couch, the anger inside him grew.
“Papa?” Peter asked wearily, sprawled on his back along the coffee table. He was covered in the same white powder as the kitchen, wearing only his underwear now. Chocolate caked his mouth and fingers with dozens of empty wrappers littering the floor amongst empty bottles of sodas.
Clint was under the table, on his stomach, arms loose around a small trashcan and equally a mess. He groaned in agony to Tony’s voice.
Steve joined Tony, followed by Coulson, and went for Peter when catching sight of the anger bubbling in Tony’s eyes. “Daddy,” Peter mumbled, “I don’t feel good.”
“I’m sure you don’t,” Steve sighed, carefully scooping the boy up from the table and into his arms. “You know better than this, Peter.”
“I’m sorry,” Peter whined, curling around Steve.
Steve stepped over Clint and towards Tony. “I’m going to clean him up and put him to bed,” he said, “Try not to yell too loud or destroy anything else,” and headed off to the bathroom with Peter.
When they were out of sight, Tony lashed out. “How on earth can you be this stupid, Barton? We gave you clear instructions! Make sure Peter didn’t hurt himself and stick in him bed at nine! He should have been asleep shortly after we left because he’s four! And instead you hyped him up on candy and soda, destroyed the kitchen, tore apart the living room, and waited for your handler to come clean up your mess!”
“Mr. Stark,” Coulson started, but Tony quickly shot at him, “This doesn’t concern you, Coulson, so shut up!”
“Just wanted to have fun,” Clint mumbled into the carpet.
Tony stormed towards him and flipped the coffee table away, grabbing the back of Clint’s collar to jerk him up. “Does this look like fun to you? Teaching Peter to disobey rules? Was it fun to make a giant mess to play in? There’s broken glass, Clint! What if Peter got hurt? Would that still be fun?!”
“Tony, I-“
“Don’t even tell me you’re sorry, Barton. I knew leaving him alone with you was a bad idea. But Steve had faith in you and I let him convince me otherwise. Well good job, Barton, because you’ll be lucky if I let you within a hundred feet of my son again.” Tony released him, letting Clint fall back to the floor.
Tony stood, rubbing roughly at his face. “Get out of my tower,” he said lowly.
Clint blinked up at him. “What?”
“Stark – Tony – Peter’s fine. I already checked him over for any cuts, and have placed Agent Barton on temporary suspension to be served out at SHIELD filling out the paperwork your team fails to ever complete. A cleaning crew is coming by to handle the mess. I don’t think-“
“I don’t care about the mess, Coulson. I pay people to deal with that on a daily basis. I can replace everything in here ten times over. But I can’t replace my son.” He threw his tie aside. “Nothing may have happened, but it could have. I trusted Clint with Peter, and he put him in danger.” Tony looked back at Clint. “Now get out of my tower before I have you collected.”
Face emotionless, Clint got up and brushed himself off, moving around Tony and Coulson towards the elevator as he was told. “He was excited to get time alone with Peter,” Coulson said after. “You always let everyone but Clint do things with your kid.”
Tony scoffed. “Gee, I wonder why.”
“You and I both know he’d never let Peter get hurt. He gave him a bit too much sugar. Clint may be irrational, but he’d give his life to protect that kid. To protect all of you.”
Take a deep breath, Tony heavily exhaled, rubbing at his eyes. “I know.” His voice was far less angry than it had been. “I just…I need a day or two. I’m not kicking him out indefinitely. This is his home just as much as it is mine. But he disobeyed direct orders that put my son’s safety at risk and I can’t – I can’t ignore that, Coulson.” Tony looked the room over one last time before leaving it.
He started heading for the hall Steve disappeared by but stopped in front of Coulson for a moment to say, “He can come back in a few days. I need time to cool off and get this place cleaned up.” He put a hand on Coulson’s shoulder. “You have to understand my reasoning behind this. Steve and I are going to have words with Peter because he knew what he did was wrong, but so did Clint. He was supposed to be the adult here and he wasn’t.”
“Good night, Mr. Stark.” Coulson stepped away from Tony’s hand, giving him a curt nod and making his way to the elevator.
“Coulson?” The agent stopped and turned back to Tony. “I wouldn’t have kicked him out if I knew he didn’t have somewhere safe to go. Make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid?” Coulson studied Tony before he nodded again, giving him the tiniest of smiles (which, for Coulson, was a huge grin).
“Good night,” Coulson repeated, entering the elevator.
“Night, Supernanny,” Tony replied as the doors closed.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Tony found Steve in the bathroom, kneeling by the bathtub and washing a sleepy Peter. He went to them and sat down beside Steve, leaning his arms along the smooth edge of the tub. “How’d it go?” Steve asked, pouring water over Peter’s head and running his fingers through the boy’s hair.
“I told him to get out,” Tony replied, resting his chin on his arms.
Steve paused and frowned at the man. “That’s a bit harsh, don’t you think?”
“Please don’t make Uncle Clint go away, Papa. I like him!” Peter pouted. “I know’d not to eat the candy! I was a bad boy! I wanted to make you cookies and Uncle Clint was gonna help but the flour asploded!” He threw his arms up, spraying them both with droplets of water.
“Uncle Clint’s going to stay with a friend for a few days while we clean the mess up,” Tony said with exhaustion. “He knew better than to let you eat that candy and stay up past your bedtime.”
“Is he grounded too?” Peter asked quietly, arms dropping and spraying them more. “’Cause Daddy says I can’t play with my toys tomorrow or watch cartoons.”
“Yep, Uncle Clint’s grounded too.”
Peter’s shoulders deflated. “I’m sorry I didn’t listen, Papa. I didn’t mean t’make you mad.”
Tony offered a smile to his son and reached in to ruffle Peter’s wet hair. “I forgive you, buddy. I was just worried because you could have been hurt.”
“I’m not!” Peter shot up, yet again sending water at his fathers, and turned around with his arms out. “See, Papa? I’m not hurt!” Tony, holding a hand up to shield his face from water, tiredly chuckled.
“I see, I see. Let Daddy finish your bath because it’s incredibly past your bedtime.”
Of course Peter dropped down and really got them wet.
“I’m going to change,” Tony told Steve, standing and pushing his bangs aside. “Goodnight, Peter.”
“Night, Papa!” the boy waved.
“You better be in bed when I’m done!” Steve called after Tony. “Lab is off limits!”
“Yes dear,” Tony yelled back, already beginning to undress.
“Good, because we never did finish our conversation on the elevator,” Steve replied, stopping Tony in his tracks.
Tony grinned, instructing Jarvis to lock all the doors not in use, and turn off all the lights they didn’t need in the next ten minutes, then strode to the bedroom to finish stripping down and wait for Steve.
It was going to be a long night.