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mingyu was welcomed by open mouths and tight hugs from his kids.

it was a christmas eve afternoon, on a 24, when seungkwan was cooking their dinner for later. super dami nyang niluluto kasi naudlot yung uwi ni mingyu na dapat kahapon pa kasi may work daw. not that seungkwan mind what his ex-husband told him, but medyo nakaramdam din ito ng tampo.

both eunchae and soobin, their biological kids, are helping seungkwan prepare in between chitchats and funny ramblings. they had no idea their papa was coming home today, kaya when they heard the gate opening, nagkatinginan na lang silang tatlo.

soobin froze. "may magnanakaw ba?"

"tunog kotse…?" eunchae's head twitched, wanting to hear who the surprise 'magnanakaw' was. seungkwan didn't mind his kids kasi he knows exactly who that is so when soobin went to the window to peek sa labas, he isn't surprised at how fast his panganay dropped his utensil sa sink and ran downstairs while shouting, si papa!

eunchae hurriedly followed with what her kuya said, leaving seungkwan slicing the ingredients alone. seungkwan just sighed; kids will be kids.

"papa!" soobin's deep voice resonated sa living room, his arms open wide running in front of his papa na may bitbit na kung ano-ano. mingyu is ecstatic to receive such attention and response from his kids kaya he eagerly enveloped the two into a tight hug.

eunchae was the first to tear up, then soobin, then mingyu. "papa, i thought di ka na uuwi ngayong christmas eh…"

the youngest broke into sobs, causing the two men to laugh at her and cuddle her. "andito na ako, oh."

eunchae pouted and buried her face on her dad's neck, crying. this made soobin laugh and cry at the same time; he knows exactly how his little sister feels. sobrang namiss nya itong papa nya.

mingyu cooed at his daughter and hugged her tightly, pressing a soft kiss on her forehead. "tahan na… di naman ako uuwi agad…"

eunchae shook her head. "sabi mo po, christmas lang…"

"no, i'll be staying here until new years."

his kids' eyes light up at the mention of it, with soobin watching in shock. he is completely aware of why his dada filed for divorce two years ago: super busy ni mingyu sa work na wala na syang time for the three of them, and super distant na rin ni mingyu sa kanilang tatlo kaya ayon. soobin understood how hard that is for his papa, pero lalo na sa dad nya kaya he's surprised hearing this from mingyu. dati kasi, hindi talaga to umuuwi pag bagong taon at literal na sa trabaho na naaabutan ng new year.

"wala kang work po?" soobin asked, trying not to rub salt to the wound. "i mean… dati po kasi…"

"nag-leave ako. don't worry;" mingyu smiled, but his don't worry directed sa anak nya bounced back sa kanya. mingyu is deadass worried about how his children would think of it na suddenly, he's spending new years with them. ever since kasi nung kasal pa sila ni seungkwan, hindi na talaga to sumasama sa kanila pag bagong taon. seungkwan hated it so much and always convinced mingyu to spend the holidays with them, but mingyu is one workaholic guy. not to mention na parang nagddrift away na rin yung feelings nya for seungkwan dati. he even reached a point where the sparks noon with seungkwan nung nililigawan pa lang nya ito is gone nung kinasal na sila.

sa madaling sabi, mingyu fell out of love kay seungkwan two years into their marriage dahil sa work.

seungkwan is very hurt by this. mingyu never told him that explicitly naman, but its his actions that speak louder than words, and seungkwan felt that. he gave it a few more years until their eldest, soobin, is already 19 but wala talaga. for nineteen years, it felt like mingyu's just with him kasi he's pregnant sa panganay nila and kailangan nya itong sustentuhan. after that, wala na yung feelings. seungkwan felt very empty kasi mingyu's either at work or busy or away. magkakausap lang sila pag christmas or any other holiday, then trabaho ulit.

it didn't help when he's carrying eunchae din. akala ni seungkwan noon, mingyu making love to him nung valentines would end all that busy-ako-so-wala-akong-time-for-love bullshit ni mingyu, but it ended the same way as before. iniisip na lang nya na baka siguro gumanon asawa nya sa kanya noon ay dahil pagod na pagod ito kahit valentines. what's worse is that throughout his pregnancy with eunchae, it is him alone doing all the work. seungkwan basically raised eunchae all alone, and even if he hates it, alam ni mingyu yon and the guilt is eating him alive.

going back, mingyu told his children to go fix themselves and help their dad to prepare food kasi nasabi sya ni eunchae nung tinanong ni mingyu kung nasaan dad nila. when his kids went back to the kitchen, mingyu dressed himself at home; his previous style nung kasal pa sila nito ni seungkwan.

mingyu threw seungkwan's favorite shirt of him: an oversized brown cardigan kasi mukha raw syang teddy bear wearing that, and a pair of shorts before heading to where seungkwan and his kids are.

nakita nya how happy the three are cooking. seungkwan is teaching their youngest how to properly stir the ingredients sa loob ng pan, then soobin is standing on the other side teasing his sister. they are laughing out loud at the jokes soobin kept throwing sa isa, reminding mingyu of his younger self when he would casually tease seungkwan kahit in the middle of an exam just to ease his load a bit. it was always like that since high school kasi high school sweethearts sila, pero akalain mo yon, sa divorce pala mauuwi ang lahat.

"...no, ate. like this," seungkwan held the knife and showed how to carefully slice the vegetable on top of the chopping board kay eunchae, "careful lang, okay? baka masugatan ka."

the youngest pouted with a nod. "si papa po kasi, ang bilis nya maghiwa."

soobin gulped out of nervousness, his eyes traveling from the chopped vegetables to eunchae to his dad.

when the divorce happened on court kasi, soobin's there on his dad's side. when the request got finalized na si seungkwan yung magkakaroon ng custody over their kids kahit parehong financially capable yung parents nya, instead na super saya ni seungkwan, bakas sa mata nya yung lungkot. soobin saw how terrified both of his parents looked, especially his dad. it feels like his dad's still in love with his papa kasi, but since super formal na ng mga bagay-bagay sa court and seungkwan wanted custody of their kids for the reason na 'baka i-neglect ni mingyu yung mga anak nya like how he did sa family nya because of work', he had to say it that way.

seungkwan was silent about his kid's comment, so soobin had to step in para mag-lighten yung mood. "eh hindi naman ikaw si papa para bilisan mo, no. baka mahiwa ka pa jan, gagastos lalo si dad."

buti na lang, eunchae didn't think of it that much and took the bait. "hmp!"

the two children bickered, chuckling while seungkwan was quiet. because of his youngest's comment, narealize nya na the entire cooking thing is mingyu's forte and will always be kaya sya lang ang naaalala nya lagi dito. before nung di pa sila divorced, mingyu would always creep up behind him whenever he cooks, teasing and kissing him at the times he least expected it. he loves mingyu's playful tendencies kaya kada andito sya, lagi nyang hinahanap yon kahit hindi na sila kasal.

seungkwan silently watched his kids with a soft smile on his face. soobin is exactly like his papa's carbon copy, and eunchae is like seungkwan's copy. however, soobin is his daddy's boy, whereas eunchae is her papa's girl. he found them very endearing, so he felt bad na he couldn't give what they truly want for christmas: a complete family.

the two children kept giggling when mingyu decided to step into the scene. eunchae was the first to react, happily clinging to her papa. "si kuya, inaaway ako!"

"lah, ikaw naman yung nagsimula non!" defense ni soobin na nakanguso sa asar. nagsabay ang tawanan ni mingyu at seungkwan dahil doon, causing their kids to shut their mouths for a while to look at their parents.

“bati na po kayo, papa? dada?” masayang tanong ni eunchae sa mga magulang na natigilan ang pagtawa kaya agad itong inakbayan ng kanyang kuya at hinatak palayo ng kusina.

“bakit mo sinabi yun?” nag-aalalang tanong ni soobin sa kapatid pagkarating nila sa sala sa baba, kung saan napakalayo nung dalawa sa kanila. “baka ma-awkward lalo yun, chae!”

kung kanina’y masaya ang itsura ng bunso nila, nakasimangot na to ngayon at natatakot na baka may nagawa syang masama o hindi ikakabuti ng mga magulang nila. “s-sorry… miss ko na kasi sila, kuya… yung dalawa silang magkasama? when we’re all in the same house pa…?”

eunchae felt her eyes stinging with tears na naman. christmas isn’t supposed to feel this way, but here she is. papa’s girl kasi ito, kaya when her parents filed for divorce, she felt sad. nung una, akala nya is magwowork lang papa nya kaya aalis ito ng bahay nila two years ago, but when seungkwan told her about what really happened between him and her papa, eunchae felt nothing but sadness. her dada told her na it was his decision to file for that kasi hindi na nya naffeel yung pagiging father ni mingyu sa family nila kasi puro sya work and pakiramdam nya ay lumalayo na ang loob nito sa kanila kakatrabaho. eunchae agreed with that naman initially kasi she grew up fathered by seungkwan most of the time, but for some reason, she grew a deeper connection with her papa every time he talks to her or plays with her pag umuuwi ito galing work. eunchae loves her papa so much as much as she loves her dad, pero ever since their divorce, hindi talaga maiiwasan yung feeling ng pangungulila sa isang parent.

soobin's heart melted. as much as he misses his papa rin, hindi nya makakalimutan yung paano sila gawing second priority lang ng papa nila dati when his parents are both married pa. he loves his papa, but seeing all his dad's efforts, mas close talaga sya sa dada nya.

"we will be, okay?" yakap ni soobin sa kapatid. "magiging okay din sila dada at papa."

—^°^—

"buo pa pala yan."

ito ang sinabi ni mingyu nang maiwan silang dalawa ni seungkwan sa kusina. pinepertain nya rito yung apron na ginawa ni seungkwan for mingyu noon tuwing nagluluto sya, which, by coincidence, is the apron he's wearing while preparing food for the family.

seungkwan didn't reply and continued to fix what he have to. bakit nya papansinin si mingyu?

mingyu was sad. that was his first attempt to start a conversation with seungkwan nga eh, pero mukhang waley. tsk.

without having any second thoughts, mingyu proceed to help seungkwan set the table for the four of them to eat. he grabbed the plates and utensils and things he needed for their dinner table on a christmas eve, but as expected, seungkwan didn't let him. the shorter one placed the casserole down the sink and grabbed the plates from mingyu, silently setting him aside to do it instead.

the taller sighed and let seungkwan do it. maiinis lang to if he insisted, and that's the last thing he wanted to happen.

when seungkwan finished arranging the plates sa table, he resumed sa casserole and silently placed a share sa pinaka-serving plate nila dun sa table. he continued fixing the table and walking around the dining table in front of mingyu, who he won't talk to kahit mukhang gustong magsalita ni mingyu.

so, the cold treatment...

the only time seungkwan spoke is when he called their children upstairs, telling them to go down kasi kakain na. that left mingyu just standing there awkwardly, and even if may pinagsamahan sila before, it feels like he's a complete stranger on seungkwan's eyes.

the silent dining table was filled with noise when both soobin and eunchae walked down, greeting their dads. eunchae cheerfully let his papa sit beside her, which means mingyu would have to sit across seungkwan, who is beside their eldest. by the looks on soobin's eyes, mukhang magrereklamo itong dad nya seeing mingyu across, but since it was eunchae's plan, he sat down quietly na lang and avoided eye contact with mingyu.

soobin felt bad, but a part in him dominates that kasi he always wanted to celebrate a complete holiday with his papa. his eyes traveled sa bunso, seeing how happy she is conversing with her papa. sya lang talaga yung pinakamasaya dito sa kanilang apat.

their christmas eve dinner went surprisingly well, with their daughter hard-carrying their conversations. seungkwan only replies kay mingyu if the question was initiated by their daughter herself, pero if si mingyu na mismo yung magsasalita, hindi ito pinapansin ni seungkwan. their oldest is obviously having a hard time with that kasi sya yung naaawkwardan para sa papa nya, so sya na lang yung sumasagot on behalf of his dad.

when their dinner ended, mingyu volunteered to do the dishes. their youngest heard of this, kaya sinamahan nya papa nya doing so.

"ang sipag mo naman, ate?" mingyu joked, surprised seeing his daughter who stayed behind to do the dishes with him. "ako na lang dito, samahan mo na lang si kuya at dada mo there."

"no, papa. gusto ko po ikaw kasama," masayang ngiti ni eunchae sa isa, "i missed you po."

mingyu grinned. the entire time, he didn't only washed the plates, but he also listened to his daughter's stories. they are all random; from her swimming galas with her best friends, her kuya giving her pocket money when she told him na they are watching the newest film installment from a movie series na favorite nila, to her dad buying her that ipad she wanted when she got a perfect score sa isang test nya. its as if mingyu's with her the entire time sa mga experiences na kinukwento nya, and he loved it and felt so thankful. in return, mingyu told her some of his funniest work encounters, making her laugh.

nang matapos sila patasin yung mga platong ginamit nila, eunchae gave her papa a tight hug when she dried her hands. "papa, even after new year diba, you're here naman na po?"

si mingyu na nakangiti nang yakapin sya ng anak ay biglang natigilan pagkasabi nya noon. he has no idea how to answer that because even if his children wants to be with him, it all lies down kay seungkwan. after all, kay seungkwan sya may malaking kasalanan dito.

"mm, wala naman sigurong masama if we'll give it some time, diba?" mingyu replied, rubbing her daughter's hair in a comforting manner.

"but we want you here po…" eunchae whispered, looking at her papa. "kuya and i could get a handful for dad po, you know? dalawa po kami and isa lang si dada… i mean, dada's strong since he always takes care of me and kuya but i'm worried po na maybe, he couldn't take care of himself po kakaalaga sa amin ni kuya.

it would be nice if someone looks over dada po, diba papa?"

it was a harmless question, but it made mingyu feel things. that's basically the reason why seungkwan filed for divorce, eh. he was not able to give and make him feel loved kasi super busy nya, so hearing this from his kid feels like a slap across his face. mingyu felt so useless.

mingyu heaved a sigh, humming. paano nya ba sasagutin yung tanong ni eunchae?

"do you think… dada could still forgive what papa did?" mingyu felt funny kasi dalagita na itong anak nya, but the way he talked to her make it look like she's still thirteen.

eunchae nodded. "dada still loves you, papa. kahit itanong mo po pa kay kuya… sya po kasi sinasabihan ni dada non, eh."

"dada never told you?"

"he would, but he would always say na i'm too young to understand his complicated feelings and didn't want to burden me raw po…" eunchae giggled, remembering how his dad shared a cute story of him and mingyu a year after their divorce. "but i always hear him say po na he misses you."

mingyu chuckled. he wanted to believe, but eunchae is someone who always see the positives in the negatives if it means not hurting someone. not that hindi nya pinaniniwalaan itong anak nya, pero si seungkwan kasi yun, eh.

"ikaw talaga, inaasar mo papa mo, ha." mingyu laughed. "alam mo namang kahinaan ko dada mo."

"but i'm saying the truth!" eunchae pouted. "dada still loves you, papa. and its the truth."

—^°^—

soobin chuckled at the sight of his dada turning to the sink’s direction when they heard mingyu and eunchae laughing. “dad, super obvious po…”

“mm?” pasimpleng tanong ni seungkwan na kunwari, hindi nya inuusisa yung nangyayari sa lababo. “bakit, soobin?”

soobin continued to laugh. napakapa-hard to get nitong dad nya. “you care about papa, don’t you, dad?”

“si eunchae kasi ang nandon,” agad na sagot ni seungkwan, “yung anak ko.”

tumawa na lang ang panganay ni seungkwan. he knows exactly what soobin meant, eh: he still cares about mingyu, and all his i-don’t-care-about-you stint is nothing but an act whenever mingyu’s around.

soobin knows how hard it is for his dad to file for divorce noon. seungkwan told him that. when the judge approved of the custody arrangements and na-finalize na na the two of them are divorced, soobin saw how his dada cried that night secretly sa room nila noon. he understood naman din kasi why he had to do that, but given his dada’s position noon, it was so obvious he still loved his husband.

kahit hanggang ngayon. yun pa rin yung hinala ni soobin.

“dad, you know po ba yung sinasabi mo sa amin ni eunchae every time you ask us to admit something?” soobin asked gently, not wanting to offend his father. “yung wala naman pong mawawala if we speak what’s true?”

seungkwan turned to him, his eyes soft and kind. oo nga pala, yun yung lagi nyang sinasabi sa mga anak nya every time na kinakabahan sila magsabi pag may ginawa itong kasalanan or what. bakit hindi nya magawa sa sarili nya? bakit hindi nya kayang aminin yung kung anong totoo?

na mahal pa rin naman nya yung dati nyang asawa—si mingyu. bakit ba hindi nya maamin-amin sa mga anak nya na mahal pa rin nya ang papa nila kahit pagkatapos ng divorce… hanggang ngayon?

“ano namang aaminin ko?” tanong ni seungkwan na pasimpleng nag-ayos ng sala. “ayusin mo yan, makalat tignan at puro magazines, nak.”

“dad, you still care about papa. diba?

you always told me stories about him even after your divorce, of how he would remind you of the sunsets kasi lagi niyo pong pinapanood yung sunset pag umuupo kayo by the bay just to watch it as a symbol na tapos na yung araw nyong dalawa. you told me rin po na he loved wearing that top he’s wearing ngayon kasi sabi mo sa kanya noon na favorite top mo yon for him kasi it reminds you of a teddy bear. pati po yung kwento nyo na dati, you would always write each other letters to each other when you’re away?

even si eunchae po, alam yung story nyo ni papa na sabay nagcecelebrate yung families nyo ng christmas kasi magkapitbahay po kayo noon, and lagi kayong nagkkiss secretly away from their families kasi may something na po kayo noon… not to mention po na tuwing christmas, lagi raw po kayong nagbbonding ni papa by baking christmas cookies, pati yung mga bahay-bahay ba yon? you told eunchae and i po non dati during our first christmas without papa…

every time christmas falls, napapaasa kami ni eunchae na magsasama kayo ulit, tayong lahat po na kumpleto po tayong apat kasi you always told us na its your favorite holiday to spend with papa… this year naman, natupad yon, pero dada? bakit ganoon po? hindi nyo naman po sasabihin sa amin yon after your divorce with papa po if hindi nyo naman na po sya mahal, diba?

mahal nyo pa rin po si papa, diba?”

seungkwan remained silent. he listened to what his kid have to say, and he just realized how wrong he is for doing that… for treating his kids like his diary, dumping his stories to them na akala mo, abc lang sinasabi nya sa kanila. there has been so much emotional baggage on the stories he dumped noon sa mga anak nya, and hindi manlang nya naisip yung impact noon until now when he heard soobin suddenly bursting out loud about how he feels about this divorce thing.

“...sorry–”

“sorry, da–”

nagsabay ang dalawa na humingi ng paumanhin, kaya natigilan sila pareho. nagkatinginan ang dalawang mag-ama until soobin took the rein and spoke. “sorry po, dada. hindi ko po intention na mag-rant…”

“no, ayos lang.” seungkwan shook his head, smiling sadly when he looked at him. “kasalanan ko to. hindi ko dapat nilabas sa inyo ni chae yung mga iyon dati… pasensya na, anak. kasalanan ni dada to lahat.”

“dada, no…” soobin’s lips turned concave. “naiintindihan ko naman po kung bakit nyo po kailangang gawin yun. what i’m telling lang po is para nyo pong pinipigilan yung sarili nyo na aminin na mahal nyo pa rin po si papa… wala naman pong mawawala kung sasabihin nyo yung totoo, eh.

and that is, mahal mo pa rin po si papa. diba?”

dito na tuluyang tumulo ang luha ni seungkwan mula sa kanyang mga mata. soobin felt bad seeing this so he wrapped his dada in a hug in hopes to comfort him, hating how he pushed his dad at an uncomfortable position just to get him to admit he still loves his papa. “sorry po, dada…”

“sorry, anak…” seungkwan sobbed. “sorry, ang selfish ng dada nyo… hindi ko kasi kayang aminin… napaka-mapride kong tao…”

“aminin ang alin po ba, dada?”

“hindi ko pala kayang tiisin papa nyo,” iling ni seungkwan kakaiyak, “mahal na mahal ko pa rin ang papa nyo, bin.”

—^°^—

“eunchae, dito tayo!”

masaya syang hinatak ng kanyang kuya papasok ng isang booth na may label na <laser tag> kaya iniwanan ni eunchae ang kanyang papa sa isang gilid kung saan sya nakaupo na bitbit ang mga gamit nilang lahat. nasa galaan silang apat that christmas. kahit na opposed si seungkwan sa idea na yon, minsan lang kasi ito mangyari kaya pinagbigyan na nya ang wish ng mga anak nyang lumabas silang kumpleto.

bumalik si seungkwan sa pwesto ni mingyu na may hawak na pagkain. "nasaan na si chae?"

masaya ang naging lingon ni mingyu. doon lang sya kinausap ni seungkwan, kaya agad syang sumagot. "ah, hinatak ng kuya mag-laser tag, dad."

hindi manlang sya tinignan ni seungkwan pagkasabi nya nito, pero di sya nagpatinag. "ikaw ba, ayaw mo mag-ikot-ikot dito?"

lumingon si seungkwan sa kanya na nakakunot ang noo. "para saan pa?"

"sungit mo naman," ngiti ni mingyu na halatang kinakabahan kasi hindi naman yun yung intention nya, "sorry na."

umikot ang mga mata ni seungkwan bago ito tumayo at naglakad palayo para mag-ikot, kaya agad itong sinundan ni mingyu.

sa lakad nilang dalawa, naalala ni mingyu yung pagsasama nila dati nung high school pa sila, yung tipong mga nasa dating stage pa lang? madalas kasi silang nag-iikot sa galaan, and usually, sabay nilang ginagawa ang lahat: pagkain, pagbili, paglalakad… literally the shit couples do if they're outside.

pero siguro dahil ngayon na divorced na sila, parang ayaw na sya samahan ni seungkwan.

seungkwan entered the department store without any notice kaya mingyu followed him. the silence in each other's company is killing mingyu. hindi nya alam paano gagawin at susuyuin itong kasama nya. its so obvious how angry he is sa kanya hanggang ngayon, eh.

"bakit ka andito?" seungkwan stopped by the men's clothing aisle when he noticed mingyu still following him.

"ah, ayaw mo bang sinusundan kita?" tatawa-tawang sabi ni mingyu na halatang nabigla sa sinabi ng isa. "oki, text mo na lang ako if okay ka na."

naglakad papalayo si mingyu, not knowing where to go. napabuntong hininga na lang sya. he looks like a puppy following its owner. seungkwan still wont give him any attention, and its killing him. he's that mad.

while walking down the aisles, mingyu had this time to self-reflect. bumalik na naman sya sa post-divorce self nya na nakaramdam ng parang hole sa buhay nya; mingyu found himself depressed na naman. dati, okay lang kasi hindi naman na nya nakikita si seungkwan nung nagkahiwalay sila ng bahay, but now when he chose to spend the holidays with them, its the worst; para syang sinusunog nang buhay. its his fault naman kasi kaya nag-end up sa ganon. he's so busy with work overseas, and minsan lang talaga sya umuuwi sa kanila. its either during christmas, seungkwan's birthday, or his children's birthdays. seungkwan always reprimanded him to go home more often than what he's doing, and ang lagi lang nyang sinasabi ay i-ttry ko. he did try, sadyang sobrang busy lang talaga nya.

his work schedule would often come in his way na he reached a point where he just fell out of love kay seungkwan. it was the busiest part of his life noon and it just… happened. when he went home sa kanila noon to celebrate his son's birthday, whenever he comes in contact with seungkwan, parang naiinis na lang sya instead na matuwa hanggang it dawned on him na wala na kasi syang feelings for him.

"tsk." mingyu clicked his tongue remembering those thoughts. siguro, naging ganoon sya for about a year. kakatrabaho nya, he felt so emotionally distant kay seungkwan even when they're married and even if seungkwan always texts him affirmations and i love yous. mingyu thought na those <good morning, gyu <3 ingat sa work, i love you> texts from seungkwan noon are stupid kasi nga, wala na syang nararamdaman para sa kanya noon until the following year when seungkwan filed for their divorce.

he's at work noon when seungkwan randomly texted him <i'm done> in the middle of the day without context. hindi sya binibigyang pansin ni mingyu until his shift's done, so he called him only for seungkwan to say he filed for divorce. on their nineteen years of marriage noon, that was the first time these two fought over the phone. its the worst fight mingyu has ever encountered. he can still hear seungkwan crying over the phone, telling him how tired he is of their marriage kasi he's always away and feel nya wala syang kasama noon to raise their kids. he also remembered how seungkwan told him over the phone na he does not deserve it when his children calls him 'papa' kasi lagi syang wala doon, especially eunchae who he raised alone. by remembering that, mingyu also remembered how he screamed kay seungkwan over the phone noon. first time nya pagtaasan ng boses si seungkwan noon, and hindi dahil galit sya but out of frustration kasi yun yung naiisip na solusyon ni seungkwan noon.

mingyu might've done that, pero narealize nya na tama naman kasi si seungkwan. and he felt like a total dick now.

when their trial happened, his heart broke when soobin's on his dad's side. its fortunate na eunchae's on class that time kasi for sure, she'll be on seungkwan's side din and mingyu can't handle that. he's a terrible partner and father. as soon as the trial ended, it was just there when he get to hug soobin the last time, who won't even hug him back.

it was horrible. naayos lang nya yung relationship nya with soobin months after the divorce kung saan may visitation schedules nang iniimplement. soobin and eunchae went to him noon, and soobin just broke down sa kanya, telling him he misses him and he regrets acting that way sa kanya nung trial. of course, mingyu's happy but alam nya ring tama ang anak nya na magalit sa kanya. nangibabaw lang yung positives noon, kaya tuluyang naayos relationship nila ng kanyang mga anak.

all that's left is his relationship with seungkwan. that is the only link mingyu's not yet okay with eh.

ika nga ng kanta, <you only know you love her when you let her go>. that's the exact case for mingyu when seungkwan finally got rid of him sa divorce. dun lang nya narealize na he took seungkwan for granted when they were together, and he feels stupid. kada babalik sya ng work after their divorce, he still hopes seungkwan texts him those stuff he used to send him noong sila pa, but there's none. one of his coworkers even told him to get help when mingyu reached the point where he looks mentally unstable because of that, so he did. he was depressed, and he swear, that's the lowest point in mingyu's life. divorces are irreversible, and that scares him. kung kelan kasi wala na sila ni seungkwan, dun lang nya narealize na he wants to spend life with him.

now na mingyu's wish is granted where he could spend the holidays he usually never did with his family, he won't fuck this up. its a challenge since super igsi ng panahon alloted, yes, but he's optimistic he can at least warm seungkwan's cold heart like how he used to noong they were still in high school.

mingyu stopped walking at the jewelry section sa department store near the exit, and realized something so he exited the department store and headed somewhere else.

mingyu's scared of what might happen next, but hey, nothing's scarier than seungkwan leaving him for good.

—^°^—

"saan ka?"

seungkwan's voice was soft when he called mingyu the moment he finished buying stuff sa loob.

"okay ka na po, dad?"

"oo. san ka?"

"jan ka na lang boo, ako na lang pupunta jan."

seungkwan's cheeks warmed at the mention of that nickname, but he remained calm. "okay. andito ako sa second floor sa may cashier… sa may chocolates."

"copy, dad," mingyu replied, "i love you."

seungkwan pressed the end call button, heaving a sigh. he looked around, holding the paper bags and his phone not knowing what to do the moment mingyu arrives. he bought a lot of crochet yarns kasi, and he's worried he could peak through it for its lack of security. hindi naman nakakahiya bumili ng sandamakmak na crocheting yarns, pero for some reason, seungkwan didn't want mingyu to find out about it.

naaalala nya tuloy yung i love you ni mingyu over the phone just now. pakunwari pa syang act cold, but mingyu calling him boo and saying i love you made him weak.

seungkwan's aware sa sarili nyang sya ang may pakana ng divorce, but just like his conversation with his panganay, mahal pa rin nya ang papa nila. akala ba nila, si mingyu lang ang nahirapan magcope post-divorce?

seungkwan's heart is shattered after their divorce. hindi sya fully masaya after that. half is because of his children not having a complete set of parents, and the half is because of his still-strong feelings for mingyu. kaya nga nya ito laging ineeffortan i-text kahit nasa trabaho sya ay dahil mahal nya ito talaga, eh.

he shook his head and sat at a couch sa may shoe section just near the cashier to give him time to clear his head. seungkwan once again peeked at the paper bag with the yarns. they are in the shades black and brown, and may mga buttons din syang binili for god knows what for.

"hey," in no time, mingyu found him agad, "kanina ka pa?"

agad namang inayos ni seungkwan ang sarili at dinedma ang binili nya sa isang paper bag. "kani-kanina lang."

tumango si mingyu. "nagugutom ka ba? kain tayo?"

umiling si seungkwan. "hindi ba nagcchat sayo sila bin?"

"hindi naman…" mahinang sagot ni mingyu. "busy ata sila ni chae doon. sabi nila, matagal-tagal sila dun, eh."

fuck, so ano? kasama ko pa si mingyu?!

nanahimik silang dalawa doon. for someone who's been married for almost twenty years, they are awkward as hell. yung akala mong walang pinagsamahan?

before it gets worse, tumayo na si seungkwan. agad naman itong tinignan ni mingyu. "bakit, dad?"

"maybe, i'm hungry."

—^°^—

mingyu missed the sight of seeing seungkwan eat his meal before him.

when they had their first date, they were eating out and seungkwan's sitting across him, laughing as he shared random stories sa kanya. seungkwan's all giggly pa noon when they were still dating.

when they had their first meal together as a married couple, seungkwan is sitting across him din, but except for a youthful chuckle, it was a fond smile. yung ngiting masaya ka kasi kasama mong kumakain sa hapagkainan yung mahal mo sa buhay, yung taong mahal mo na napangasawa mo na? seungkwan watched him lovingly, with clear adoration in his eyes na kahit kumakain lang sila, alam mong it is filled with love?

mingyu missed those loving gazes his ex-husband used to give him. ngayon kasi, seungkwan's seated across him nga, eating his meal but he's not looking at him anymore. he gave it a few more minutes before he turn to his food, taking a bite.

it was seungkwan's turn to give him a quick look, seeing his ex-husband eat in silence. is he very unforgiving? yes. its not like he cheated on him, but seungkwan somehow won't interact with him like before even if mingyu's making big efforts to get him talk to him.

seungkwan silently watched over mingyu eat in peace kasi tapos na syang kumain, so when mingyu noticed na seungkwan's looking at him, he stopped chewing midway and speak. "b-bakit po?"

seungkwan fought the urge to let out a chuckle. after all, kahit sobrang daming nagbago, mingyu's still… mingyu. "wala."

mingyu blinked, confused, but proceeded to eat. seungkwan took his phone to distract himself from turning to look at mingyu, but he couldn't.

the sight before him reminded him of the mingyu who would eat in a funny way when they were dating just to make him laugh. wala namang ginagawang katawa-tawa si mingyu. naalala lang ni seungkwan yung buong scenery na yon sa ulo nya, so he found himself unconsciously opening the camera app to take a picture of the other secretly.

a smile formed on seungkwan's lips staring at the picture na hindi nya namalayang natapos na si mingyu kumain kaya natingin din sya sa kanya. nakita na lang ni mingyu na nakangiti yung isa sa cellphone nya, and his fingers are moving as if typing something so mingyu felt his heart crack a bit. kaya ba sya binibigyan ng cold treatment ni seungkwan ay dahil may gusto na itong iba?

seungkwan shook his head to bring himself back to the present. sinet lang naman nya yung picture ni mingyu na kumakain as his lockscreen, at tuwang-tuwa sya na hindi nya namalayang tapos na pala si mingyu kumain. "ay, sorry. tapos ka na ba? tara na?"

"saya mo, ah," mingyu joked kahit medyo nahhurt sya sa naiisip nya na may kausap na iba itong si seungkwan sa phone nya, "sino yan?"

seungkwan was caught off-guard. turns out, mingyu saw him smiling sa phone nya, so he had to lie. "wala, katrabaho ko lang."

mingyu nodded his head slowly, disregarding the sound of his heart breaking to pieces. he cleaned up the mess sa table nila before asking seungkwan if he's ready to leave, and they did.

the two walked in silence. mingyu volunteered to carry seungkwan's paper bags, but after non, wala nang ingay. they just found themselves sitting at a bench after minutes of walking side by side with no talking.

walang nagkikibuan sa kanilang dalawa. mingyu fiddled his fingers nervously, not knowing how to initiate a conversation all of a sudden. may iba nang nagpapasaya kay seungkwan, eh, that's what he thought.

"nagtext ba si soobin sayo?" he started to talk, knowing he'll only receive a shrug or a nod as an answer.

"hindi pa,” seungkwan replied, “nag-eenjoy ata sila don ni eunchae. kanina pa sila, eh.”

mingyu’s brows twitched in surprise. so, he didn’t nod. “sunod tayo sa kanila?”

“huh?” seungkwan chuckled, and it made mingyu weak. that was the first time he heard seungkwan laugh na sya ang kaharap after their divorce. wala nang pakielam si mingyu kung its because of something stupid. ang mahalaga ay natawa sya sa kanya. “ang tanda-tanda na natin.”

“dito na lang tayo?”

“nood tayo sa cinema?”

“huh?” mabilis ang naging tugon ni mingyu sa suggestion ng isa. all of a sudden? tumawa si seungkwan, kinakausap sya nito, and suddenly, nag-aaya sya sa cinema na silang dalawa lang?

iba na talaga ang nararamdaman ni mingyu, eh. parang calm before the storm itong ginagawa ni seungkwan. yung tipong mga magagandang bagay muna gagawin nya bago ito magsabi ng something that will break his heart a million times?

ang lala mo naman mag-overthink?! pinagalitan ni mingyu ang sarili at dito sya nahimasmasan kaya nilingon nya ulit si seungkwan.

“anong ka-huh-huh don?” tanong ni seungkwan sa isa. “ayaw mo ba?”

“h-hindi naman…” mahinang sabi ni mingyu. “a-ano lang… galit ka sa akin, diba? bakit…?”

“inaya ka lang manood sa cinema, hindi na agad ako galit?” sagot ni seungkwan sa kanya. “inaaya lang kita kasi mukha tayong tanga dito pag wala tayong ginagawa. at tsaka, wala ring tao dito, no. meron nga, puro naman kabataang magjowa. hindi na tayo bata, mingyu.”

mabagal na tumango si mingyu. oo nga naman, tama naman si seungkwan. medyo makapal sya sa part na nag-assume sya na bati na sila, ah.

“so ano, mingyu?”

“okay.”

tumayo si mingyu with that thought in mind na seungkwan’s doing all that out of boredom and he didn’t want to look stupid there kasama sya na may dalang shopping bags without knowing na seungkwan mean it the other way.

—^°^—

the movies ended, which means that seungkwan had to wake mingyu up.

the entire time, nakatulog si mingyu sa upuan nya. seungkwan thought nothing about it until mingyu's head started to touch his shoulder. ilang beses syang nagigising just to apologize, pero pabalik-balik si mingyu doon, convincing seungkwan na he's really sleepy so for the nth time mingyu's head fall sa balikat nya, hinayaan na lang ito ni seungkwan.

peope started to leave their seats as the credits roll at eto si seungkwan, inooverthink pa rin kung paano nya gigisingin ang kasama. mukhang mahimbing ang pagkakapwesto ni mingyu, eh, and nahihiya naman sya gisingin ito.

seungkwan turned to look at mingyu, gently moving himself to not wake him up. mingyu's hair brushed over his neck, smelling like their mint shampoo. his woody and leathery perfume wafers through seungkwan's nose, providing him some weird sense of comfort. he scanned his face, noticing how cracked his lips were.

natawa si seungkwan. kahit nung high school, chapped ang labi nito ni mingyu. he would joke giving him lipbalms as his christmas party present pa nga, to which the other found cute. he would always tell him to drink water to hydrate his lips noon, even until their marriage except he kisses him to 'hydrate' his lips.

seungkwan missed the taste of his lips, sa totoo lang.

paunti-unting nagising si mingyu nang naramdaman nyang may humahaplos sa labi nya, waking up to a serious seungkwan who is staring at him. "boo?"

nagulat si seungkwan dito at agad na itinuwid ang sarili habang nag-iinat si mingyu na tuluyan nang nagising. "bangon na, tapos na yung movie."

"nakatulog ako…?"

"oo. ako nga lang nanood, eh." seungkwan grinned, dusting himself. "ayusin mo na sarili mo. tinext na rin ako nila soobin, okay na raw sila."

mumusak-musak na inayos ni mingyu ang sarili. kanina pa sya nagdadalawang-isip, pero fuck it. tinulugan nya kasi yung movie, kaya ngayon lang nya magagawa to.

seungkwan's about to stand up from his seat when mingyu held his wrist. "wait lang…"

the other was surprised, so he remained still sa upuan nya. "mm? bakit?"

mingyu slowly leaned in kay seungkwan to press a soft kiss on his lips. he missed the feeling of his lips on seungkwan's, and seungkwan's on his. lagi nyang hinahanap-hanap yung cherry-flavored balm ng dati nyang asawa—ng taong mahal nya—and now he gets to taste it again, he didn't want to let go. when he pulled away, he enveloped seungkwan into a secured hug, making sure to smell seungkwan's fragrance. he never know when he'll be able to do this ulit, eh, so might as well ay sulitin na lang nya.

"i missed this…" mingyu whispered sa hug nila, not caring anymore if the others leaving the cinema were staring at them, "namiss kita, seungkwan."

seungkwan was confused, but at the same time, felt his heart beating so fast. "mingyu?"

dito na nahiya si mingyu and pulled away, avoiding seungkwan's gaze. pano ba naman kasi, naluha sya just hugging seungkwan. he's scared that hug might be his first and last after their divorce. ewan din ni mingyu sa sarili nya; sadyang nagiging emosyonal talaga sya pag si seungkwan ang nasa harapan nya.

seungkwan noticed mingyu's sudden avoidance of eye contact naman. he immediately stood up after he pulled away, pretending to fix something sa upuan nya to avoid his eyes. seungkwan knows.

"mingyu…?" seungkwan called softly. "mingyu, hindi naman ako galit…?"

natigilan si mingyu sa ginagawa nya but didn't say a word, cueing seungkwan to continue what he has to say.

"tignan mo ako, mingyu…"

mingyu turned to see seungkwan smiling warmly sa kanya. it reminded him of the time when he is smiling at him when he first carried a newborn soobin in his arms. seungkwan's smile is just so… happy, pure, overwhelming… it makes him want to cry for real.

he wrapped his hands on top of seungkwan's hands that are placed on top of his cheeks. he's not dreaming, isn't he?

"paiiyakin mo ba ako, dad?" pabirong tanong ni mingyu sa isa, kaya naman nangiti si seungkwan bago umiling. "eh bakit…?"

"we can try again, diba?"

—^°^—

maganda ang naging takbo ng last few days of 2022 ni mingyu. kumpleto, kasama ang pamilya, at higit sa lahat: paunti-unti na silang nagbabati ni seungkwan.

nung umuwi sila galing mall nung pasko kasama mga anak nila, napagtripan pa sila nung dalawa kesyo si soobin na lang daw ang magddrive, thus putting him and seungkwan sa likod. akala siguro nung dalawa nyang anak, hindi sila magpapansinan but it turned out otherwise. on their drive back home noon, seungkwan held mingyu's hand, and sya naman yung naglean sa kanya to sleep. mingyu is more than happy when he did so noon, kaya he experimented to see if talagang bati na sila by kissing his forehead. mingyu can still remember how seungkwan giggled when he did that, even turning to him with a smile on his lips before resuming his sleep.

when they arrived home, seungkwan is sleeping soundly sa balikat ni mingyu so when soobin told the two they're home, pinauna na sya ni mingyu, leaving the two of them sa loob. mingyu gently woke seungkwan up, softly telling him they're home.

mingyu won't forget how cute seungkwan looked rubbing his eyes from sleep, pati yung soft matagal ba ako nakatulog, love? nya sa kanya. he's been dying to hear that from him ulit, you know?

ever since that night from the cinema, its a miracle na they are smiling at each other’s presence. no more blank or dead airs, no more awkward staring in silence, no more uncomfortable atmosphere in between them… mingyu wanted to believe to himself na panaginip lang yung lahat nang nangyari sa kanila ni seungkwan noon, pero would that explain why seungkwan would always kiss him every morning na?

the day after that, seungkwan slowly warmed up kay mingyu. he opened his heart ulit sa kanya by helping him sa chores around the house, gently exchanging subtle touch here and there. mingyu loved it and made sure to return the favor by making him food after, to which seungkwan loves. sa tinagal-tagal nilang nagkasama (and magkasama), mingyu knows too well na seungkwan's love language is food, so dun sya bumabawi. even their children's surprised with the amount of good food their papa is making kahit tapos na yung holidays and wala na gaanong namamasko sa kanila, eh.

it was 6pm noon when eunchae caught mingyu making lasagna from scratch. she looked so confused, so she sat in silence watching her papa until mingyu saw her watching him, surprising him. "kinabahan naman ako sayo, anak."

"tapos na po christmas, ah?" eunchae asked innocently, blinking at mingyu and the platter of lasagna he's about to bake.

mingyu grinned hearing this. eunchae's his innocent daughter, after all. she looked exactly like a girl version of a younger seungkwan. "anak, hindi lang tuwing pasko tayo nagbibigay ng gift to someone we love, okay?"

"who do you love, papa?"

"si dada mo," mingyu smiled, "pero secret lang from dada yun, okay?"

eunchae chuckled, nodding in excitement. mingyu let eunchae know his plans right after he finished baking, and god knows what plans are those kasi it had him and eunchae crying.

"...long shot sya, and very ambitious, but there is no harm in trying, diba?" mingyu remembered himself saying this, making eunchae hug him tight afterwards, nodding in his arms.

"i love you po, papa.

and i know po, ganun din po si dada."

on 27, namasko naman sa kanila yung mga tropa nila ni seungkwan nung college. nung umaga, sila seungcheol at jihoon kasama yung anak nilang si sunwoo. when their divorce happened, all of their friends knew about it kaya naman gulat na gulat sila nung nakita nilang magkasama sa iisang bubong yung dalawa.

"akala ko ba…?" jihoon's mouth is wide open when he saw it was mingyu who served him a portion of the graham cake, confused. "oh my god…?"

mingyu laughed out loud. "ako lang to, jihoon."

sunwoo turned to the sight of mingyu, surprised as well when he turned to his friend, soobin. "kinasal na pala ulit mga daddy mo, soob?"

soobin smiled, shrugging. "rekindling."

nung hapon naman, sila jeonghan at joshua naman yung namasko. like the couple earlier, they were surprised din seeing the two together. they also gave their children aguinaldos despite soobin's strong refusal kasi malaki na raw sya, but the two insisted. jeonghan even joked sa kanya na if his parents got married ulit, he and joshua would give a higher aguinaldo the next christmas, causing seungkwan to get flustered and told him to stop fooling his kids.

"sige na," jeonghan folded an old one thousand bill and forced it into soobin's fist, "para namang kwan to. sige na, pamasko ni tito yan."

soobin laughed nervously, just taking the bill. "t-thank you po, tito jeonghan. nakakahiya po!"

jeonghan laughed, shrugging his head no. "pag kinasal ulit mga daddy mo, dodoblehin ko yan next christmas. tig-2k kayo ni eunchae."

hinampas ni seungkwan si jeonghan sa narinig, clicking his tongue in the process. "mga kalokohan mo, jeonghan."

on 28, it was mingyu's closest friends who got married the previous year: wonwoo and soonyoung. sila naman yung bumisita kay seungkwan kasi akala nila, si seungkwan at yung mga bata lang andon pero andun din pala si mingyu kaya gulat na gulat sila. itong dalawa na ito ang nagtagal sa kanila, and being eunchae's favorite tito, soonyoung joked sa kanya na her parents are about to get married on 2023. this time, si mingyu naman yung naasar kasi pinapaasa nya yung bata at baka mabati raw. hearing this, wonwoo called him over and secretly showed a screenshot from his conversation with seungkwan, where the latter told wonwoo just a day after christmas na he missed mingyu so much, and he wanted to try it out with him again. as an uto-uto, gusto maniwala ni mingyu but he knows his friends well kaya inisip nya na baka inedit lang ni wonwoo yon, kahit hindi naman.

"mahal ka pa rin ni seungkwan, pre," wonwoo laughed as he scrolled through his phone, shamelessly snitching seungkwan's messages that read, <mahal na mahal ko pa rin pala si mingyu, wonwoo. namiss ko sya, sobra> kay mingyu, "hindi to edited."

namumula si mingyu kaka-iling. naniniwala syang sinabi ni seungkwan yon, okay? pero shet, baka naman magmukha syang desperate. "parang gago ka talaga, wonwoo."

on 29, jun and minghao, two of their tropas, visited their home. they are with their lovely daughter, kazuha, who eunchae instantly warmed up to. the two happily handed seungkwan and mingyu the gifts they bought them, following it with an icebreaker: kayo na ulit ni seungkwan?

both mingyu and seungkwan choked on their salad hearing that, laughing. "grabe, million dollar question agad?"

"eh kasi super rough nung naging away nyo before…" minghao pointed out. "naaalala ko non, si jun ang kumakausap kay seungkwan tapos ako, si mingyu ang chinichika tapos ngayon, domestic kayo dito."

jun nodded. "not to mention na marupo–"

agad na tinapalan ni seungkwan ang bibig ni jun ng brownie, smiling as he turned kay mingyu. "hehe."

mingyu chuckled, turning to the two. "kahit di naman mangyayari yon, ako pa rin ang mahal ni seungkwan. diba?"

nagpigil ng tawa yung dalawa, at nanahimik si seungkwan kaya antimanong naguilty si mingyu. "uy…"

sabay na humalakhak yung tatlo, but seungkwan never answered mingyu's question. but he never needed to, kasi they know he's right.

on 30, the family opened their gifts sa isa't-isa. the kids are giddy and excited opening theirs, kissing their dada and papa's cheeks to show gratitude. when eunchae turned to mingyu, she giggled before whispering something.

"papa, tomorrow na po, diba?"

mingyu's cheeks flushed, grinning as he gave his daughter a small nod. eunchae clapped her hands excitedly, asking mingyu if she's allowed to tell her kuya about it. mingyu gave her a signal to do so kaya naman masaya syang pumanhik sa taas. when all these happened, seungkwan isn't looking kasi busy pa sya kakaisip kung paano nya ibibigay yung isa pa nyang regalo kay mingyu when he just… gave up. he walked to mingyu with an oversized brown cardigan in his hands, smiling at mingyu.

"mingyu?"

the taller man turned to him, smiling. "mm?"

"i hope its not too late?" seungkwan hummed as he handed the knitted cardigan to him, surprising mingyu. "its not much but… ayon. haha… merry christmas?"

mingyu always loved cardigans. he's always the most stylish in those, and he knows it kaya he loves wearing such. seeing that the love of his life handed him one made him feel appreciated and accepted. this means na okay na sila ni seungkwan, no?

"anong its not much?" mingyu gasped. "i love it, boo. ikaw ba gumawa nito?"

seungkwan nodded shyly, loving how mingyu's face lit up at the new piece of information. "hehe."

mingyu turned to him and wrapped him in a tight hug, kissing his forehead in the process. seungkwan never told him anything after and just let himsef sink sa yakap ng isa with a smile.

"love?"

"mm?"

mingyu sighed in relief. seungkwan answered when he called him love. that's more than enough for him. "i love you."

seungkwan smiled as he buried his face sa dibdib nung isa, holding him closer. there was silence between them, a comfortable one, before seungkwan gently pulled away from the taller man.

he looked up at the other with a giggle before tiptoeing to reach mingyu's lips. seungkwan let his lips touch mingyu's, to which he instantly reacted by kissing back.

"i love you too, mingyu." seungkwan replied when he gently pulled back, brushing mingyu's golden skin near his lips with his thumb. he missed feeling those under his touch; seungkwan thought he's about to cry. sobrang namiss nya to, yung pagiging vulnerable, letting his guard down, and just being so soft and loving and caring kay mingyu: the man he loves.

"i'm sorry if masyado ako naging harsh sayo noon," seungkwan whispered as he locked his eyes with mingyu's that are staring at him, "i… thought it was selfish of me na hindi ko inisip yung kalalagyan ng mga anak natin na wala silang papa to raise them. inisip ko lang sarili ko non kasi sobrang… napapalayo mo na sa akin and sobra yung takot ko noon… nainsecure ako sa sarili ko. sorry, mingyu. i hope even after those two years na nagkahiwalay tayo because of me, we can still try again.

not only for the kids, but also para sa atin kasi mingyu, mahal pa rin kita. hanggang ngayon."

mingyu couldn't help it but break in front of seungkwan and let his tears roll down his cheeks. he feels so seen, na as if the stars are aligning for him on this day. he's aware to himself na sya ang dahilan kaya sila nagkaron ng drifting apart ni seungkwan dati, eh. he's always busy with work, rarely goes back home to see his family, and even fell out of love kay seungkwan at some point kasi sobrang busy nya so hearing this come out of seungkwan's lips…

"hindi, boo. it's me," mingyu replied, "ako yung cause kung bakit, and i hope mapatawad mo ako. its so stupid of me to act like how i used to, and i'm sorry. sobrang sorry, seungkwan. hindi ko alam paano ako makakabayad sa mga naiwanan ko noon kasi grabe, basically, you raised eunchae nang ikaw lang mag-isa kasi lagi akong wala sa bahay. you're just too good for me, so hearing you tell me na mahal mo pa rin ako hanggang ngayon? i promise i'll work on that, seungkwan. i hope you give me another chance to prove that.

mahal na mahal kita."

—^°^—

it was 31.

busy ang lahat. sila eunchae at soobin, 'naglilinis' ng bahay habang sila mingyu at seungkwan, nasa 'labas para bumili ng kailangan nila mamaya for new years eve'.

actually, today is the day na dinevise ng mga mag-ama, and this is their ploy: while they are 'cleaning' the house, mingyu takes seungkwan out to 'buy fruits and groceries' para sa media noche nila.

"dito, kuya!" eunchae screamed sa kuya nyang nasa kabilang gilid na nag-aayos ng decor sa projector wall nila sa rooftop.

hingal na hingal na tumakbo si soobin papunt sa kapatid habang hawak ang glue gun at foil. "grabe, ang effort ni papa."

eunchae beamed, agreeing as she grabbed a handful of pretty decors para palibutan ang rooftop. "antagal na natin dito, pero hindi parin tayo nakakakalahati."

soobin told his sister to sit and take a rest muna kasi dumating na yung inorder nilang pagkain, and when he returned to share the food with his sister, they talked about their parents.

"mahal na mahal ni papa si dada, no?"

that question tugged a string sa puso nilang dalawa. ang plano kasi ni mingyu for today, when the clock strikes 00:00, he proposes ulit kay seungkwan.

when eunchae first heard of this, she cried happy tears. nagulat sya sa pasabog ng papa nya, kaya naiyak din si mingyu. eunchae is so eager to help her papa out kasi she wanted to see them together ulit, so hindi nahirapan si mingyu na makipagusap kay eunchae about his plans for this.

si soobin naman, when he first heard of this kay eunchae, he thought it is risky. he's definitely his dada's boy, kaya eunchae understood why her kuya acted that way but she convinced him na seungkwan wouldn't reject mingyu this time kasi halata namang mahal pa rin nila ang isa't-isa kaya ito sila ngayon. mingyu is very happy that soobin's with them on this one, loving the fact na his son's totally okay with this despite how distant they are sa isa't-isa noon after the divorce.

"and i'm sure dada loves papa just as much din kasi alam mo ba kuya? i saw the two of them kissing yesterday." eunchae proudly told soobin about their parents' business kahapon, shocking soobin. "and i heard the both of them exchange i love yous sa isa't-isa."

soobin's cheeks warmed up. he remembered what he told his friend, sunwoo, a few days ago na his parents are rekindling. all these stories just makes him weak and want to cry.

"super expressive nila sa isa't-isa, no?" soobin asked as he took a bite of the pizza he ordered. eating pizzas are not supposed to feel this sad, but here he is, realizing how his parents love each other despite their two year separation from divorce kaya wala na, sad na sya.

they sit in silence munching on their pizza, feeling the cold december air on their faces when their phone rang, signalling a messenger chat from their papa.

<pblk n kmi jn mga nak,,tpos n b kau?>

—^°^—

there are noises coming from outside the house coming from their neighbors blasting songs using their megaspeakers, pati na yung pagpapaangil ng mga motor nila pampaingay. the new year's about to come as the clock strikes 10pm. may mga nagkakantahan din sa labas using their videokes, but here they are inside, wearing almost formal attires in the shade maroon kasi yun daw ang color of the year this 2023.

seungkwan is opposed to this idea na magsuot sila ng formal attire, finding the whole idea funny kasi bagong taon na bagong taon pero ito raw sila't mukhang magtatrabaho. soobin shrugged it off and told him na he'll still look cute and handsome kahit ganoon suot nya, followed by eunchae agreeing and telling him to not go up muna sa rooftop to watch the fireworks: something he does kada 11pm every new year.

mingyu is still nowhere to be found, raising seungkwan's suspicion at level 1. "nasaan papa nyo?"

"nag-cr lang po," agad na sagot ni soobin, "tagal nga po, eh. dun pa sa may bathtub naligo."

in reality, mingyu is still on the rooftop, fixing something sa laptop he's about to use later. inaayos nya rin yung pagkadiscreet nung box ng singsing doon sa loob just in case.

before he lets the other three arrive sa rooftop, he checked himself sa mirror one more time. lahat naman ng suot nya, maayos. pati buhok nya, maayos. yung kalamnan lang nya hindi at the fear of rejection, but hey. its now or never.

he texted his kids na pumunta na sila sa taas, and the two agreed sa kanya. few minutes later, the three are up, and as expected, seungkwan looks so confused seeing how the rooftop looks like.

it looks like may magaganap na reception doon with all the cloth designed over the support. may carpet ding nakalagay sa sahig, and the arrangement of the seats and tables screams reception din.

"anong meron?" seungkwan asks in confusion, giggling nervously. their new years kasi nung silang tatlo lang nila soobin at eunchae, they would usually have food arranged don sa rooftop to watch the fireworks. it might be a tradition for seungkwan and his two kids, but this isn't what they're used to when mingyu's around.

"bawal ba natin icelebrate yung new year in a new way?" mingyu teased as he adjusted his bow. seungkwan blushed seeing the love of his life. he looked so handsome, so good in that brushed up hair and formal maroon attire. his hand wrapped around his, smiling as he guided him. the two kids are giggling behind the two, snapping photos of their parents secretly. seungkwan is still confused, but immediately found himself getting accustomed to it.

the four had their dinner, chitchats, and exchanging laughters here and there until the clock hits 11:45pm. staying in role (and as natural as he could), soobin joked around his papa, asking if they could watch a movie with the projector lying around. seungkwan gasped, saying na they'll be missing new year if nanood sila, now na they're fifteen minutes away from the new year.

as usual, mingyu agreed to it and let soobin play the film mingyu made himself that was disguised as a netflix one, given the clever usage of the netflix card at the first few seconds of the clip.

"oh my god ka, mingyu," seungkwan pouted, "really?"

"gusto manood ng bata, hayaan mo na." mingyu smiled, so seungkwan let soobin's act slide.

hello, dada!

the screen showed a video clip of eunchae, piquing seungkwan's curiosity at the sudden appearance of his daughter.

"bakit…?" seungkwan asked with his finger pointed sa screen, but eunchae hushed him with a giggle.

i'm sorry po, but kuya soobin lied. there is no netflix movie. actor lang po talaga si kuya, diba?

a voice behind the camera laughed out loud, revealing soobin. sorry dada, si papa kasi.

hinampas ni eunchae ang kuya nya, hushing him. baliw ka kuya, mamaya pa nga raw sabi ni papa, eh.

ay sorry po, ang sagot naman ni soobin sabay cut nung scene. seungkwan turned to mingyu, raising his eyebrow. "ano na naman to, mingyu? dinamay mo pa mga bat—"

hi, seungkwan.

the scene cut into mingyu adjusting the camera, a nervous laughter following it. by this time, seungkwan looks so confused na talaga. what were his kids and lover up to?

mingyu continued speaking sa screen. it was a long nervous stuttering and chuckling. he looked so shy speaking sa camera that it even got his kids laughing at him.

from seungkwan's ramblings kanina, he went silent watching his lover's 'movie' play sa screen. from a nervous message, the screen showed clips of seungkwan when they were still in high school, pati yung mga college dates nila, until their graduation, and even until their first marriage that were all taken by mingyu. pati yung mga anak nilang dalawa, ngayon lang nakita yung mga videos na yon kaya naman napapa-wow sila sa iba, at sa iba'y napapatawa sila.

seungkwan continued to adore the movie playing in front of him. sa likod nung projector screen were fireworks starting to be lit by those people living in their area, and kitang-kita nila yon kasi papaingay na nang papaingay. he lost it when it showed mingyu confessed sa screen na he have plans on marrying him again, where the 'movie' ends in a cliffhanger.

seungkwan's heart is beating too fast after watching the movie the three made him watch. it feels like any moment from now, he knows what’s about to happen next.

as if adding more fuel to the fire, mingyu stood up from his seat and walked over the table with the cloche. napansin nya na it’s 11:58pm, and meron syang 2 minutes to do it so he took the cloche off and grabbed the small, velvet box inside. when he turned around, his children are geeking over as they hold their phones, recording the whole thing. eunchae looked so happy with her eyes disappearing from smiling too hard, and soobin felt himself tearing up. natatawa sya sa sarili kasi kahit anong try nyang magpaka-astig, tumitiklop talaga sya sa ka-sweetan ng mga magulang nya.

mingyu walked towards seungkwan, who is watching him with hunched shoulders and lips trembling—the body language of someone who’s anticipating for something. mingyu’s hands were cold and shaking from nervousness, but andito na sya, eh. without any further ado, he knelt on one knee, opening the box that revealed the ring he bought nung pasko, the day when he thought na hindi na nya kayang isalba yung relationship nila ni seungkwan na nawalan ng spark dahil sa kanya.

seungkwan’s vision started to blur. when mingyu first proposed to him, his hair’s all ruffled and soft, raven black—very youthful. now, never in his life did seungkwan ever expect na he would see the same and only guy he loved loves get down on one knee, proposing when the root of his hair greyed in old age. hindi naman sila katandaan, pero the thought of him spending his whole life with mingyu hanggang sa pagtanda, content and happy with their children, overwhelmed him so much.

he’s ridiculously in love with this man, and no paper nor signature sa divorce document they signed two years ago could ever break that spark within them.

“seungkwan, will you marry me ulit?”

the question made their children scream in excitement na agad naman nilang napigilan to not ruin the moment of their dads. it’s like asking kung basa ang tubig, kung mainit ba ang araw, o kung itim ba ang uwak. it made seungkwan’s tear roll down his cheek in joy, accompanied by a jolly nod.

sa dinami-rami ng uncertainties sa mundo, these two know na kahit anong direksyon pa ang ituro ng mapa, sila at sila rin ang kanan, kaliwa, timog, at hilaga ng isa’t-isa. kahit anong mangyari, their hearts would always lead themselves to each other.

and pareho nilang alam yan.

when the clock strikes 00:00, it’s a new year.

and a new beginning.

“oo, mahal ko,” seungkwan nodded in tears, “in this life,

in another life,

in another world,

kahit ano pa tayo,

lagi’t-lagi, mingyu. i will marry you.”