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As soon as he has his brothers, his mother, and Yuuri all in the same room, he drops the news. “I have an announcement to make.” Once all eyes are on him, he says simply, “I’m pregnant.”
The reaction is about what he expected. Gwendal looks like he has a headache coming on; his mother squeals and runs over to him; Yuuri and Wolfram look shocked but then rush him as well.
“How far along are you?” his mother asks, placing her hands on his stomach. “You’re already showing, huh?” Is he going to have to get used to people touching his stomach unasked-for? That’s going to get old, fast.
“That’s right,” he lies. “I’m about five months along.”
Wolfram’s brow wrinkles. “But didn’t you just move in with Adalbert four months ago?”
“Yes,” he says calmly, “But we’ve been having sex for far longer than that.” That, at least, is the truth.
*
One week earlier…
Heather looks at him with slight concern on her face. “So, how long has this been going on?”
“About a week,” he answers. Well, it was closer to three weeks. But the first two weeks were milder, so he isn’t counting them.
“How often does it happen?”
“Once or twice a day.” Except this morning it was three times, which is why Adalbert put his foot down and made him finally see a healer about it. It seemed like a lot of fuss over something that’s probably just a stomach bug, but eventually he’d agreed to go, just to put Adalbert’s mind at ease.
“Any other symptoms?”
The endless barrage of questions really is the worst part about seeing a healer.
“No, just the vomiting,” he replies. He’s been tired lately, but that was probably just dehydration from all the vomiting. And some abdominal cramping, but that was surely just part of the stomach bug, too. Also his breasts have been weirdly tender lately, but…well, he doesn’t really have an explanation for that, but it’s probably nothing.
“Alright,” she says, “I’m going to start the exam. Let me know if anything hurts.”
Houjutsu healing tends to sting for him, but since it’s just an exam, there’s only a faint tingling sensation as her hands pass over his torso. She pauses when her hands reach his stomach.
“Oh,” he says, “I guess I did gain a little weight recently.” Living with Adalbert for long enough will do that to a person.
She waves a hand dismissively. “No, there’s something else.” She leans in, a look of concentration on her face.
Well, shit. If there’s actually something wrong with him, he’ll never hear the end of it from Adalbert. What could it be? A tumor? A Conanshian Death Tapeworm? A small family of carnivorous beetles living inside his stomach?
“Sir Weller,” she says, looking up at him with a small smile, “You’re pregnant.”
*
And here he is, a week later, back at the capitol for the first time since he moved to Shimaron with Adalbert four months ago. He’s just glad Adalbert actually let him travel alone. The baby is a good thing, for sure, but he desperately needed a break from Adalbert constantly fussing over him. That will probably only get worse the further along he gets.
Since he has nothing better to do, he’s been sitting in on Yuuri’s meetings today. The last one of the day is with some delegates from Sondergaard. It’s mostly fine- just normal boring political stuff- until Yuuri is handed a glass of what looks like it might be fruit juice, but also might not be. Conrart has a funny feeling about it, so on instinct, he takes it from Yuuri and takes a sip from it. Old habits die hard, after all.
“Don’t drink this,” he says quietly. “They put something in it. It’s not any poison I recognize, though. Why is everyone staring at me?” He looks around the room, confused. “Oh right,” he says. “I forgot. Pregnant people aren’t supposed to drink poison.”
*
Someone fetches Gisela pretty quickly, and she takes Conrart into an empty room to examine him and determine what the hell he just drank. Gwendal and Gunter, meanwhile, are busy doing damage control and trying to figure out why someone is trying to poison their king. That’s probably easier than facing Gisela’s wrath, though. Conrart can already see her eye twitching.
“It’s just a truth potion,” she says, “So it won’t affect the fetus.”
That’s a relief. Maybe this is over now and she’ll let him go-
“So…how far along did you say you were exactly?”
Shit. “Well,” he says, unable to stop himself, “I said I was five months, but it’s actually closer to three months. Please don’t ask me anything further, because I will have to answer you.”
“Of course,” she says, though she sounds somewhat disappointed at not getting more details. “Truth potions are an ethical mess. It should wear off by tomorrow morning, though.”
“Oh, while you’re here,” he asks, “Can you try and explain how the fuck I got pregnant in the first place?” Might as well get his no money’s worth out of this visit.
“You mean it wasn’t intentional?” She looks genuinely surprised. “Weren’t you using protection?”
“Well…I let it lapse recently. And obviously Adalbert won’t use any majutsu-based protection…”
“What the hell!? You used to be so good about re-upping your wards!” She should know; she was usually the healer he went to every month. It was kind of a pain, actually, but it was necessary.
“Well, back then I was fucking a lot of mazoku,” he reasons. “Adalbert and I don’t have majutsu, and we’re monogamous, so maryoku-based STDs weren’t a concern anymore.”
She crosses her arms. “You still could’ve kept it for contraception!”
“But I don’t have a vagina!!” he exclaims. “Okay sure, I have a uterus in there somewhere, and sure, his sperm has been in a number of places in my body…but with no majutsu, how did the sperm get to my uterus!?”
She frowns. “And he’s the only person you’ve…?”
“I didn’t cheat on him,” he snaps, and immediately regrets it.
“Sorry,” she says, looking genuinely remorseful. “I didn’t mean…”
“No, I shouldn’t’ve snapped. It’s just…everyone thinks I still act like a whore, and I do, but a monogamous whore now.”
Gisela ignores that, thankfully. “Could there be some lingering maryoku left over from before he had it removed?”
“I don’t think so,” Conrart answers. “He wouldn’t be able to use houjutsu so much if there was.”
“Hmm,” she says, looking thoughtful. “...That’s it! It’s the houjutsu!”
“What? Houjutsu can do that?” Shit, he definitely should’ve been using protection this whole time.
“Well, I haven’t ever heard of it, but as far as I know, he’s the only mazoku-born person who’s used houjutsu successfully. And he’s been using it for years now, right? Maybe it changes your physiology after a while.”
Huh.
“You should ask a houjutsu healer about it when you get back to Shimaron, though,” she continues. “They’d probably know more about it than me. Speaking of which, have you decided who’s going to do your c-section?”
Fuck. He hadn’t even thought about that yet. Being sliced open is definitely going to ruin what’s left of his abs.
*
When he and Gisela exit the room, Yuuri, Wolfram, and Gwendal are waiting for them.
“It was just a truth potion,” she announces. “It won’t harm Conrart or the fetus.”
Everyone looks appropriately relieved.
“But,” she continues, “It might make him act even more recklessly.” She punctuates this with a glare, which he probably deserves. “So someone should keep an eye on him until tomorrow.”
“You can stay with Wolf and me tonight,” Yuuri offers immediately, with an unfortunately sincere smile.
“Yuuri!!” Wolfram growls. “I do not want my brother in our marital bed!”
“Is it technically a marital bed though? Our wedding’s not until next year.”
“I’m not sure what the point was in attempting to give you a truth potion,” Conrart says, watching the steam rise from Wolfram’s head. “You already say exactly what you are thinking all the time, regardless of how dumb it is. Anyway, isn’t the choice obvious?”
They all look at him blankly.
“It should be Gwendal,” he continues. “He’s been single his whole life, so I won’t be intruding on anything. And I know he won’t take advantage of the situation to get information out of me, because he hates knowing anything about my personal life.”
He’s just going to have to get used to people staring at him oddly until this potion wears off, huh?
“A brotherly slumber party,” Yuuri says with a weak smile. “That’ll be fun!”
“It won’t be,” say Gwendal and Conrart simultaneously.
*
After an exhausting evening of trying (and failing) to stop Conrart from saying stupid shit during dinner, the two of them are in Gwendal’s quarters for the night, in their pajamas. At least his babysitting job will get easier now that it’s just the two of them.
And thankfully, his bed is big enough that they’ll be able to keep some distance from each other when they go to sleep. For now, he’s sitting in his favorite chair, knitting and drinking tea. Conrart, meanwhile, is pacing restlessly back and forth across his bedroom.
It’s a good thing he keeps knitting supplies in his quarters at Covenant Castle. He needs all the help he can get in terms of stress relief.
Conrart finally sits down on the bed, only to start drumming his fingers against the headboard. “Sorry if this is annoying,” he says, insightfully. “It’s funny, usually I can stop myself from doing stuff like this. Hey, do you ever have that problem?”
“Why do you think I knit so much?” Shit. He shouldn’t’ve phrased it as a question.
“Well,” Conrart says, “I figured you were repressing something, I just didn’t know what. I thought you were trying to knit away your gay thoughts or something.”
Gwendal can feel a headache coming on.
“That’s kind of handy, though, to use it as a source of stimulation. I usually just end up either suppressing it entirely or touching my sword. My literal sword. That’s not a euphemism. The hilt has a nice texture.”
“Don’t you have any hobbies?” Gwendal asks, genuinely curious. What the hell does Conrart do all day?
“Of course I do,” Conrart answers. “Sex counts as a hobby, right?”
He shouldn’t have asked.
“Sure,” he says wearily, “Why not.” He takes a sip of his tea to try and calm his growing migraine.
“Speaking of sex, how long have you and Yozak been fucking?”
Gwendal spits his tea out. He looks over at Conrart, who’s holding a tube of bright red lipstick. Fuck. How did he immediately know it belonged to Yozak and not some woman? He must be familiar with the brand.
Well, that’s the trouble with dating someone your brother knows this well. Damn Yozak for leaving his lipstick behind.
“Isn’t it weird,” Conrart asks brightly, “To fuck someone I used to fuck? I mean, I don’t personally mind, but it seems like something that would bother you, since you’re kind of a prude. It’s like our dicks only have a single degree of separation between them. Or is it two degrees? I never really got how that works.”
This was a mistake. He should’ve let Wolfram and Yuuri deal with Conrart. Why must he always be the responsible one?
“A year ago, I probably would’ve been jealous,” Conart continues. He sounds almost wistful. As he talks, he starts absentmindedly twisting the tube, so that the red lipstick goes up and down. “But I don’t really care now. Adalbert keeps me completely satisfied anyway.”
Up and down, up and down.
Conrart sighs. “I miss him…”
Hasn’t it only been a few days!? Adalbert has really done a number on his brother!
He manages through sheer force of will to keep his mouth shut, but he really wants to scream, Since when did you become clingy!? Is Adalbert that good in bed?
“It still feels kind of surreal,” Conrart says softly. “To be in love with Adalbert, of all people.”
Eventually, if he doesn’t respond, Conart has to stop talking, right?
“I used to- well, I don’t know that I ever really hated him, but I resented him so much, you know? He got to grieve Julia in a way I didn’t feel I was allowed to. And he used that as a chance to burn his entire life down. But now he’s built this new life for himself, you know? It’s kind of impressive. I can be proud to call him my husband.”
Gwendal looks up from his knitting so quickly he almost gets whiplash. “Your what!?”
“...Fuck.” Conrart puts a hand to his head. “Please don’t make a big deal out of this!”
“A big deal!? You got married, and didn’t tell your family about it? You just eloped?”
Conrarat groans. “It’s nothing personal! We just didn’t want it to be a whole thing!”
“That’s worse,” Gwendal snaps. “You just didn’t want to deal with this family? Well, none of us want to. But we still show up. We don’t keep each other out of the loop like that.”
“What the hell do you think I’m doing now!?” he shouts. He stands up and walks over towards Gwendal to make his point. “I came all this way, not even a week after finding out I was pregnant, just to tell you guys the news! I’m trying, okay!?”
“...How did you only just find out you were pregnant if you’re this far along?”
“Oh.” Conrart blinks. “Well, I lied about being five months pregnant. It’s actually barely three months.”
Only three months? ”So that…?” he gestures vaguely towards Conrart’s midsection.
Conrart nods. “Right. Just the natural result of living with Adalbert for a few months. He’s a really good cook, you know.”
Gwendal sighs. “Why did you even lie about that? It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
“I’m not ashamed,” Conrart replies. “I just knew people would comment, and I didn’t want to deal with that.”
…There seems to be a theme emerging here.
The pregnancy does seem like a convenient excuse. It was only half a lie. But to lie about something that small and pointless…”Okay, so what was your plan for when the baby took two extra months to come out!? What were you going to do then?”
“Make up another lie, obviously!” Conrart exclaims. “I lie! That’s what I’m good at!”
Gwendal doesn’t bother arguing.
Conrart walks back over to the bed and flops down on his back. “Ugh,” he groans, “It’s going to suck telling Adalbert about this whole truth potion thing.”
Gwendal looks over at him curiously. “So you’re not going to hide this from him, then?”
“Nooo, I’m going to do the stupid right thing and own up to it.” He rubs his hands across his face. “And he’s going to say I was reckless and endangered the baby and myself, and that I need to value my own life and if I won’t do that for him at least I should do it for the baby….and he’ll be right.” He sighs and closes his eyes.
Well, maybe Conrart has matured more than Gwendal gives him credit for. At least he’s self-aware.
“I was so stupid today,” Conrart says, and yawns.
Gwendal gets up and climbs into bed next to his brother, pulling the blanket over them both.
“I don’t deserve him,” Conrart says softly.
“I don’t think that’s true,” Gwendal says quietly. He looks over at his brother, but Conrart is already asleep, exhausted from his long day of honesty.
*
“Thank you, Gwen,” Conrart says when he leaves the next morning. “You’re a good brother. And I mean that.”
“I know you do,” Gwendal says, not bothering to suppress a smile. “You were never as good a liar as you think you are.”
THE END