Chapter Text

“I think all of us are always five years old in the presence and absence of our parents.” ― Sherman Alexie

Act one: The trick is to make a great first impression

Extranet search engine: meet the parents

26'111'976 hits (0,39 seconds)

Are you meeting your boyfriend’s or girlfriend's parents for the first time?

Have you ever been in the nerve—wrecking situation of meeting your girlfriend's parents for the first time?

Shepard chewed on her lower lip and sucked in a deep breath before letting it out in a deep sigh.

I can’t believe I’m resorting to this, she thought, rolling her eyes at herself as she clicked the first link open. A list appeared in front of her and with another resigned sigh, she leaned back in her chair, raising her feet up on the desk and rather unmotivated began reading through the list.

MAKE  A  GREAT  FIRST  IMPRESSION.

It’s cliché, but it’s the truth: you never get a second chance to make a first impression. Your girlfriend’s parents are going to be sizing you up and making assumptions about you the minute you walk through the door.

Bullshit. I got a second chance from Sam after I hit on her like a horny primitive.

Rules:

1. Dress to impress

Nope. Not that I can’t rock a dress if necessary but come on, I look way better in a hoody and jeans. Or armor. Maybe I should wear armor. If that isn’t impressive then what is? Well, there’s the dress uniform … Shepard stopped that train of thought when she remembered  Sam’s words: My father is one of the many citizens on Horizon who don’t trust the Alliance Military; especially not after the Collector’s attack.

2. Be confident when you meet them

Confidence is my middle name, right after Danger. Jane Danger Confidence Shepard... I should change my name. Commander Danger Shepard. Hah, I do amuse myself. Augh, focus...

3. Make good conversation

Shouldn’t be that hard, I can always talk about the epic adventures and heroic achievements of Commander Danger Shepard and her astonishing squadmates. I could use some backup right about now. Augh, focus, focus, focus...

4. Treat your girl well

I always treat my girl well. If you need a special occasion to treat your girl right, you’re doing it wrong.

5. Find things you have in common with the parents and talk about it. Try to be as intelligent as you can when you speak, and speak with politeness in mind.

Who the fuck wrote this shit? And what kind of a loser reads this shit? Oh, right.

6 a. Be genuinely appreciative. If you're in the parents' home, look around for something you sincerely like, such as artwork, or an area of the house e.g. "I love the greenhouse you have attached to your house! It feels like a tropical jungle in there."

Tropical jungle won’t explain why they’ll smell bullshit if I start talking stupid shit like that.

6 b. Be prepared to sleep in separate rooms even if you and your girlfriend currently live together.

If her parents want you to sleep in separate rooms, then do so without complaint or comment. You’re in their house and should follow their rules. Shepard laughed out loud. “Fuck you! I’m Commander Shepard I make my own rules.” No seriously, are there really such dumbfucked people who demand such a thing? Geez.

7. Read body language. If you pay attention, you'll be able to pick up on what the parents like or dislike about you, and adjust accordingly. You can follow your boyfriend or girlfriend's example to a degree, but remember that the parents are scrutinizing you , not them, so you can't get away with everything they can.

So basically the trick is to be yourself but only if you’re a completely different person. How the hell am I supposed to be myself when there’s a shitload of stupid rules I’m expected to follow? None of these are things the real me would be saying or doing... apart from the treating my girl right—bit.

8 a. Bring flowers for the mother.  We instantly like people who bring bearing gifts, so present the mom with a classy bouquet. Don’t forget to remove the price tag.

8 b. Compliment her mother’s cooking

That shouldn’t be a problem, that’s actually the one part I’m really looking forward to after all the time Sam’s spent praising her mom’s cooking.

9. Talk about how great their daughter is. Daddy wants to see that you adore his girl as much as he does. And point out how proud you are of something cool she's done lately. They'll—”

“ Jane? I could use your help.”

When she heard Sam’s voice, Shepard rushed to sit up straight and click away the site she’d been looking at. In her hurry, she knocked several items off her desk with her boots. She was still in the middle of trying to catch the model ship she’d knocked over while frantically clicking away with her other hand as Sam entered the room.

Her eyebrow quirked at the obviously panicked Commander; not a sight one got to see very often. The model ship crashed on the floor and Shepard winced, not daring to look, not wanting to see how bad the damage was.

“Were you watching Asari porn again?” Sam asked.

“No!”  Shepard answered like her possibly watching such a thing was the most preposterous allegation ever presented. “Okay yes,” she then continued after deciding that Sam thinking it was porn was a better alternative than the embarrassing truth.

If she’d rather admit to watching Asari porn it had to be something pretty horrible she was actually looking at, Sam thought.

“You’re not fooling me for a second and I’m amazed that you still think you can after all this time. Also I think it’s adorable you think I won’t find out what you were really looking at,” Sam teased, raised her arm and activated her omni—tool.

“All right, all right.” Shepard sighed and just showed Sam the page she’d been looking at.

“Meet the parents; full guide of rules with tips and tricks,” Sam read the title of the page outloud. She bit the insides of her cheeks to keep from laughing at that. What amused her more was how utterly embarrassed Shepard looked, sitting there with her shoulders slumped and head hanging low, the slightest of blushes creeping up those adorable freckled cheeks.

“Aww, you’re so cute it makes my chest ache.” Sam smiled and slid to sit on Shepard’s lap. She wrapped her arms around her shoulders and sunk her fingers into Shepard’s red hair, pulling her close. The Commander rested her head against Sam’s chest and muttered: “I feel like my confidence has abandoned me.”

“You’ll be fine, trust me,” Sam promised, running her fingers through Shepard’s hair gently and leaning to kiss her forehead. “Now move it, we’re going to be late,” she then said and stood up.

“All right.” Shepard agreed and went to grab her N7- hoodie. She’d already gotten one arm in when Sam suddenly turned back around and raised her hand in a “STOP!” gesture.

“What?” Shepard frowned.

“Show me your T -shirt,” Sam demanded and Shepard did as she was told. Sam stared at the red T -shirt with the words “ Sell my MAKO? I’d rather shove Reapers up my arse. ” printed on it with bold white letters.

“No. Just... no,” she then said, shaking her head. Shepard didn’t bother arguing, she knew better. Sam’s tone of voice and the stern look of disapproval she was giving the Commander didn’t leave much room for negotiations.

“God, don’t you have anything normal to wear?” Sam asked as she rummaged through Shepard’s drawer which contained shirts with more stupid slogans. When in doubt, eat her out, Multiple orgasms guaranteed, Cool story, bosh’tet, Not sure if you’re indoctrinated or just stupid.

“Gawd blimey! Like... even... just... one?” Sam sighed in frustration.

“Try the other drawer,” Shepard muttered as she took off the shirt she’d been wearing and put it on top of the pile of shirts Sam had tossed onto the bed in her desperate search.

10. Request that your girlfriend try to be especially agreeable just this once, Shepard then thought remembering the tenth rule. If this T—shirt debacle was anything to go by, Shepard was pretty sure that wouldn’t happen. She decided to try regardless and was rewarded with a gentle laugh from Sam.

“Don’t be silly,” she waved the request off.

Act two: Be confident when you meet them

Michael Traynor and his wife Khira looked out the kitchen window after hearing the engine of the hover car roar loudly before being turned off.

“They’re here!” Khira exclaimed excitedly. Her husband didn’t share her enthusiasm and simply let out a grumpy huff as he watched his daughter get out of the car with a redhead dressed in a black N7—hoodie and shredded jeans. His baby girl, all grown up, walking toward the house hand—in—hand with the infamous Commander Shepard. Almost as if knowing he was thinking about her, Shepard raised her glance and her eyes met Michael’s through the window. He glared daggers at her before moving away from the window.

“Nervous?” Sam inquired, scanning her girlfriend’s face in an attempt to read her true feelings. It was a silly question for the simple reason that Shepard would never answer it honestly.

“Me? Do you not know who I am? When am I ever nervous?”

“You mean apart from right now?”

“I’m not.”

“Sure you are. You were tossing and turning all night and the closer we got to our destination, the more aggressive your driving style became.”

“Don’t complain about my driving style,”   Shepard uttered, somewhat distracted. She was certain she’d seen Sam’s father somewhere before, she just couldn’t put her finger on it.

“I could also complain about your dancing style if you’d prefer,” Sam smirked, and leaned to kiss Shepard’s cheek. Suddenly Shepard stopped.

“Wait! I, uhm...”

“Come on, don’t be a wuss.”

“I’m not, it’s just that I -”

“Are you Commander bloody Shepard or not?” Sam frowned and Shepard inhaled deeply, letting her breath hiss as she sucked it in through her teeth. Wincing, she put her hand over the back of her head and laughed awkwardly.

“I’m pretty sure your father doesn’t like me.”

“Bollocks, and even if he doesn’t it’s not like he’ll eat you alive. He likes his meat medium.”

“You’re not helping.”

“Good thing I wasn’t trying to be helpful,” Sam chuckled. “Look, you’re going to be all right. My dad likes space ships, that’s something you two can talk about at first and then build from there. Just try not to swear so much, especially refrain from using the word “ fuck ” and you’re going to be fine,” she continued, smiling in amusement when she could clearly see Shepard chanting the rules in her mind over and over.

Don’t fuck up and if you do, don’t say fuck. Don’t fuck up and if you do, don’t say fuck. Don’t... was her new mantra.

“I’m sure my dad will put you to the test but there really is no reason to be nervous,” Sam said then hoping to calm her girlfriends nervousness.

“You mean he’ll be asking awkward and all too personal questions like how much money I make and the kind to be certain I am able to take care of his daughter?” Shepard said, swallowing hard.

“You’re supposed to be the savior of the galaxy, what is wrong with you?” Sam teased.

“Maybe I should come back after I’ve found a bar and had some dutch courage,” Shepard tried but Sam tightened her grip on the Commander’s hand and kept walking.

“If I had known telling you that my father isn’t a fan of the Systems Alliance Military would  turn you into a chicken I would’ve never told you, ” Samantha expressed slightly annoyed at her girlfriends unusual behaviour and kept dragging her closer to her childhood home.

Mr. and Mrs. Traynor were waiting for them at the open front door, and Shepard still couldn’t figure out where she knew him from. Khira looked friendly whereas Michael didn’t even seem to be attempting to hide his displeasure of the situation. Once close enough, Khira immediately pulled Shepard into a welcoming hug. She and Sam looked almost  identical except  her mother had long hair and her skin was of darker shade than her daughter’s.

“So nice to finally meet you, Jane,” she said and it took Shepard a while to manage a response. She wasn’t used to being called by her first name. Not that she minded, no one just ever did it except from Sam and her own mother. Occasionally Anderson, may he rest in peace, had also called her Jane but other than that, she was either Shepard or Commander, almost never Jane.

“Likewise, missus Traynor,” she responded with a smile.

“Oh no, please, call me Khira,” she pulled away from the hug, allowing Shepard to turn her attention to Michael who’d just released his daughter from a tight hug.

He stretched out his arm and gripped Shepard’s hand in a firm handshake. So firm it was bordering on painful but she didn’t let it show in her face; instead she squeezed right back.

“Commander,” he simply said.

“You can call me Jane. Or Shep if you prefer,” she shrugged nonchalantly, trying to ignore the obvious hostility.

“And you can call me Mister Traynor or Sir, Commander.” Michael was emphasizing her rank, making it clear he had no intention of becoming all buddy—buddy with her, at least not so easily.

“Michael!” Khira scolded her husband.

“She has to earn it,” he responded sternly.

“Challenge accepted,” Shepard answered highly motivated, expecting to convince him of the fact that she was the best possible partner for his daughter soon enough.

Before the situation could escalate to a completely new level of awkward, a white labrador ran out from the house, barking happily.

“Raja, I’ve missed you so much!” Sam squealed in delight as she knelt to hug the dog. “So, so much my big, big baby boy!” she continued. Raja then turned his attention to Shepard who offered her hand for the dog to sniff. His tail moved back and forth excitedly when Shepard patted his head.

“Hey there, big fella.” she smiled.

“All right then, let’s go inside, dinner will be ready soon.” Khira then said. Shepard jumped visibly at that when she realized something.

“Shit, I forgot the wine. Be right back.” she said and jogged back to the car and began rummaging the trunk.

“While you’re at it, bring our luggage too.” Sam called after her.

“She’s been here barely five minutes and she’s already cursing like a marine,” Michael scoffed, and Sam sighed.

“Dad, you promised to be nice.”

“I said I’d try, I made no promises, princess.”

“Well, you’re gonna have to try harder. Please, dad, for me.” Sam requested quietly.

Act three: Compliment her mother’s cooking

Once inside the house, Michael went to show Shepard where she could take the luggage. Shepard let her running shoes drop to the floor next to the front door and Raja went to inspect them curiously. He was then distracted by Shepard who handed him a piece of luggage to carry. She smiled when he obliged  gripping the handle in his mouth and following them upstairs with the bag.

“Good boy.”

Six: be genuinely appreciative, Shepard thought, “Raja is trained well.”  looking around to find something else to mention appreciatively to break the awkward silence. Not that she thought flattery would be enough to get into Mr. Traynor’s good books since he so obviously didn’t like her. Still it wouldn’t hurt to try... right?

“I really like the... design and the material. Is it mahogany?” Shepard tried as she ran her hand along the wooden surface of the stair railing.

“Oak,” came the clipped response. “This is a simple prefab, not some fancy  Alliance palace.”

“Aha.” was all Shepard managed to that.

“You can leave your things here,” Michael then said as he opened the door to a room that was clearly a guest room.

Fuck me sideways!    “Seriously?”  Shepard scoffed and then grunted at herself upon realizing she’d just said it outloud. Don’t fuck up, and if you do... WHEN you do, don’t say fuck. Oh what the hell, this isn’t working, he already hates me so what difference does it make, Shepard thought and said: “I’m flattered by your confidence in my libido but I assure you that I don’t have what it takes to perform while in your house, so there’s no need to separate Samantha and I.”

“You arrogant—” Michael began to say but stopped in the middle when Sam jogged up the stairs.

“Why are you standing here? My room’s the other way,” Sam wondered and showed Shepard the way.

“Thanks.” Shepard quirked an eyebrow and went to take the bags in. While she was doing that, Sam gripped her father’s arm and said: “Now come on, I want a round of chess against a worthy opponent for once.”

“Nonsense, you want an excuse not to help in the kitchen.” Michael smiled at his daughter.

“That too,” Sam admitted.

“I can help Khira,” Shepard volunteered as they made their way back downstairs. As she was entering the kitchen, she caught Khira giving Raja a piece of chicken as a treat.

“Blast!” Khira exclaimed but upon realizing it was just Shepard she let out her breath in relief.

“Oh good, if it had been Sam or Michael, they would’ve scolded me.” Khira smiled warmly and Shepard returned it.

“Your secret is safe  with me,” Shepard assured her and handed over what she held in her hands.  “I brought the wine and some flowers for you.”

“Thank you. That really wasn’t necessary Jane.”

Having finished chewing on his treat, Raja went to greet Shepard.

“At least you like me.” Shepard heard herself say to the dog as she knelt in front of him and ruffled his fur. He rewarded her for the attention by licking her cheek before nuzzling under her chin.

“I do apologize for my husband’s behavior,” Khira commented as she pulled the naan bread from the oven.

“I wouldn’t mind as much if I understood why he seems to dislike me so much, now it’s like he hates me for no reason,” Shepard mumbled in a defeated tone as she stood up straight and went to lean against the counter. The delicious smell of freshly baked bread overwhelmed her and she could feel her stomach rumble.

“Give him time, he’ll get used to the idea of his little princess being a grown woman soon enough.” Khira reassured the Commander.

“I hope so...” Shepard said quietly.

“So, do you know your way around the kitchen?” Khira asked, deciding to change the subject.

“I know a thing or two. I actually like cooking but I rarely had the time because of my work but that’s gonna change now that I quit active duty and bought the house. We are ready to build our own little family as soon as we’ve moved in.

“Oh, Sam didn’t say anything about a house.”

“Yeah, I guess she’s still a bit embarrassed about how much money I spent on it. But seriously I’m sick of the view from the flat the Alliance provided us with. I can’t look at the city ruins anymore. This war-… nevermind. It’s over now and I promised Sam I’d quit active duty. I’ll get a job as an N7 drill instructor when I’m fully recovered and in the mood to get back to  work.”

“Excuse my nosiness but what do you mean fully recovered? You look healthy to me.”

Shepard ducked her head a little in embarrassment and tapped the side of her head repeatedly  with a finger. “It’s more about the damage in here rather  than the physical damage but I’m also not allowed to carry real heavy stuff yet.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.” Khira blushed deeply while putting the flowers into a vase.

“It’s okay. So Sam got the blushing from you as well as her looks.” Shepard observed.

“She got most of her traits  from me. I don’t know if she got anything  from Michael except her love for tech.” Khira laughed and checked the food in the oven.

Shepard’s stomach rumbled again, louder this time.

“The delicious smell here in the kitchen makes me even more hungry. What are you cooking?”

“Samantha’s favorite: chicken tikka masala,  several naan breads, and spicy tandoori chicken.”

“I love spicy food. Now that I think about it, I’m sure  I’ve eaten more combat rations than home cooked meals.” Shepard shrugged and Khira’s nose wrinkled at that.

“That doesn’t sound very tasty.”

“You get used to the weird tastes and textures.” Shepard chuckled.

“What a terrible thing to have to get used to. Here, try this, it’ll make up for every tasteless ration bar.” Khira smiled offering Shepard a piece of buttered naan bread.

“Oh my God,” Shepard mumbled in pleasure, her eyes rolling back when the taste of butter combined with the spicy taste of garlic spread in her mouth.

“Or... if you prefer, there’s a sweet version, peshwari naan,” Khira explained and brushed melted butter over another piece before handing it to Shepard.

“You can fill them with whatever you’d like, this one has coconut and mango in it,” Khira leaned back against the island in the kitchen, crossing her arms over her abdomen, obviously pleased with Shepard’s reaction.

“I don’t even have words to describe how good this is,” the Commander said, her mouth still half full and Khira chuckled.

“Seriously you’ve gotta teach me how to make  these.” Shepard demanded politely.

“I’ll be glad to.” Khira nodded and began the cooking lesson while  Shepard eagerly listened.

Sam had been playing against Michael for a while and noticed he seemed preoccupied. She intentionally set herself up but he missed it, carelessly and absently moving his piece without even thinking about it.

“All right, what’s wrong with you?” Sam finally sighed in frustration.

“What do you mean?” Michael asked and she nodded toward the chess board.

“Either you’ve gotten really bad at this when I haven’t been around to play with you or then your mind is just somewhere else,” she said indicating the missed opportunities still evident on the board.

“I’m just worried about you dating Shepard. Obviously she comes with some serious baggage. Also the stories I’ve heard about her aren’t all flattering, she’s downright dangerous. I’m worried you’re biting more than you can chew.” Michael admitted, leaning back in the arm chair, having lost his interest in the game.

“She’s a soldier who has been through more than you can imagine, more than even I can imagine, and I was there for a part of the journey. I am aware of any baggage, and I can handle it.”

“You wouldn’t be the first person whose  relationship breaks upon overestimating the destructive power of PTSD. She’s not good for you, Sam.” Michael argued shaking his head a little. “She’s reckless, arrogant, irresponsible, and as I said, just being close to her could put you in danger. I bet it has more than once!”

“Shite, Dad!  You don’t even know her yet. You and mum always told me to get my own impressions of people and not listen to rumors and what others say. I’ve never felt anything but safe and sound with her. She would never do anything to hurt me, and if I needed someone to protect me, there’s no one else I’d trust to keep me safe.” Sam said.

Michael was about to argue against it when Khira announced that dinner was ready. Before he had a chance to say anything, Sam got up and went to help carry the food to the table with her mother and Shepard.

“All right, have a good nosh-up everyone.” Khira smiled after they’d sat down.

Raja knew better than to attempt at begging food from the Traynors but Shepard was a new one, perhaps she’d fall for the puppy dog eyes. Raja went to sit next to her and rested his head against Shepard’s thigh.

“Uhm... no, sorry buddy, I don’t have anything for you,” Shepard said awkwardly despite really wanting to give him something.

“Raja, off!” Sam commanded snapping her fingers and Raja retreated from the room.

The dinner was going rather well. So far so good at least, but it was probably because there hadn’t been a need to converse much.

Samantha’s father asked about her work for the Alliance Military and how she was able to deal with the danger.

“I’m an adrenaline Junkie. Action and danger are essential to me as well as my family; that was my crew and the Navy ‘till now. Everything that kills me makes me feel alive.” Shepard overconfidently blurted out but seeing the reaction in the faces of everyone her confidence dropped quickly.

If I just keep my mouth full of food, I can’t blurt out stupid things. If I keep resorting to that though, I’m gonna get so fat, Shepard thought.

Mr. Traynor harrumphed. His face lightened up approvingly after taking a sip from his wine.  

“This wine is excellent. Where is it from?” Michael inspected the bottle before directing his question toward his daughter.

“It’s from Illium. Hard to believe that the Asari produce better wine than France.”

“Do I want to know how much it costs?” he raised his eyebrows.

“You’ll have  to ask Jane, she purchased it.”

“Doesn’t matter. It’s here, excellent, and ready to get emptied.” Shepard tossed  in cordially trying to earn brownie points with casual conversation.

Michael ignored Shepard’s comment by keeping his eyes on his daughter. It didn’t go unnoticed by Jane but she shrugged it off. Thinking he’s a jerk, she  continued eating the delicious food on her plate.

Samantha was well aware of her father’s hostility toward Jane who tried hard to show her better side. She tilted her head slightly to the right where Jane sat  and gave her father a reproachful but pleading look.

“Well, all right! You all keep drinking water and I get the rest of this wine into safety until I’m all alone with it.” Michael stood up.

“Don’t you dare! Sit down.” Khira exclaimed and held her husband’s arm dragging him down again.

Sam and Shepard smiled, amused by the scene.

“Now I know where you got that attitude from.” Shepard quipped.

“Just wait until we are married,” Sam deadpanned.

Shepard laughed heartily , she felt the urge to kiss Sam but stopped closing in on her the moment she remembered they were being watched.

Upon realising what Jane had wanted to do, Sam closed in and kissed her on the cheek.

“You’re doing well so far Tiger,” She whispered reassuringly into the redhead’s ear.

“I apologize if this might sound rude Khira but if you weren’t  already  taken, I would marry you  for your cooking skills alone. This is delicious stuff.”

Khira giggled “Thank you Jane and no, I don’t think it’s rude.”

“Whoa!” Samantha held up a hand, “I am offended! I thought you liked my scrambled eggs.”

“Babe, of course I do, but you cannot compare this to your eggs.”

“Would you like more, Jane?” Khira asked and Shepard nodded eagerly.

“How could I say no to such a delicious offer? You’re going to have to teach me how to make this spicy tandoori chicken. Gawd I love hot food.”  I’m in heaven, this is almost better than sex, Shepard thought, beaming like she was in paradise.

“I’d be happy to! Finally, someone who appreciates learning these things,” Khira smirked and quirked an eyebrow at Sam who sighed rolling her eyes.

“When she was a little girl, I tried teaching her but she never stayed in the kitchen for more than five minutes before sneaking  away,” Khira recalled.

“I apologize that my interests extend beyond the kitchen,” Sam commented dryly.

“Look the wine already made her squiffy. Prepare for smartarse comments in the near future,” Michael joked as he refilled everyone’s glasses.

Khira turned her head and attention towards her husband. “When did our daughter need to be intoxicated to spread her intellectually stimulating wisecracking knowledge upon us?”

“You’re right darling. I really miss my wisdom Sammy. We never should have let her accept the Alliance scholarship; we should’ve locked her in the basement and kept her stupid.. But no: now I need to get her knackered to win the next chess game for sure. She’s gotten even better, probably because she’s been playing against that AI.”

“That AI has a name, it’s EDI. Ah, why do I even try talking to you in these moments, I should know better by now.”  Shaking her head in disbelief and rolling her eyes at her parents she waved their little game off with one hand.

Shepard wasn’t sure what she was witnessing, she looked at her girlfriend who seemed amused but irritated at the same time.

Samantha leaned closer to Jane and explained “I hate when they do this. Talking about me like I’m not present. It always made me angry as a kid. But they’re not as good as they once were. I guess they’re getting too old.”

“Age doesn’t matter unless you are red wine.”

“Wow, Mum, that was brilliantly witty from  someone your age,” Sam quipped and put a piece of chicken  into her mouth after sticking her tongue out to her mother.

“Vani, why didn’t you tell us that Jane purchased a house?” her mother asked then.

Sam choked on her food. “Mum, stop calling me that rubbish name. If you want me to tell you all the news like on an assembly line so we are done and gone after dinner-”

“Vani?” Shepard asked surprised.

“Oh didn’t you know about her second first name?” Khira asked happy that her plan worked. Knowing that Samantha wasn’t proud of her second name, it was safe to assume that she hadn’t revealed it to her girlfriend.

“I don’t remember having seen it in her personal file. And no, she never told me.”

“Second first names are not a compulsory statement in it. You read my personal file?” Sam felt even more important to Shepard hearing that she had looked into her file.

“I read the files of all my crewmen, need to make sure I’ve good people on my ship.” Shepard shrugged.

Samantha’s sudden pride dropped  after Shepard’s answer. She wasn’t sure if Jane really had the time to read every crewman’s personal file and made a mental note to ask her about it later in private.

“Why did you have to give me two names anyway?” Sam asked annoyed.

“Well I wanted to name you Vani and your father insisted on Samantha. So we played a game of chess to decide about which to be your first and second name. Needless to say that your father won, but now that I think about it, I recall he kept refilling my wine glass over and over again.”” she said, giving a skeptical look to her husband, who held his hands up defensively at the implied suggestion that he’d need to get his opponent drunk to win.

“Oh Dad, you have no idea how much I love you right now.”

“Just now? I thought I’m your one and only love. You break  my heart, princess.”

Sam answered by blowing him a kiss.

After having downed her third plate of chicken tikka masala and fourth piece of naan bread, Shepard leaned back in her chair, resting her hand on her full belly.

“Fuuu—” she began to say when Sam kicked her in the ankle under the table. Realizing her mistake, Shepard corrected herself.

“Fuuu—abulous, that was absolutely fabulous, the best dinner I’ve ever had, I’ll be stuffed until the next century,” she complimented. She noticed the look Michael gave to Khira and felt embarrassed. He looked like he was silently saying “See? I told you so, I told you she was no good, now do you believe me?”

Then again, it was just a half of a curse word. She admitted it wasn’t exactly classy behavior but come on, really? Who the hell gets so upset over one stupid word, it wasn’t like it hurt anybody. It was more exhausting than talking to the ignorant Citadel Council. Looking at Michael once again, Shepard was becoming even more certain she’d met him somewhere before. She finally decided to just ask about it, maybe he’d remember.

“Sir, have we met before? I keep getting this feeling that I know you from somewhere.”

“Don’t remember calling me a fucking asshole?” he scoffed and Shepard’s jaw dropped. Well that explains a thing or two... she thought when it all came back to her in a rush.

“Wait, what? When?” Sam frowned.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Khira asked.

“I called you a coward, Jack was the one who called you a fucking asshole,” Shepard defended herself before continuing to explain to Sam and Khira it had happened during the Collectors attack on Horizon. She did leave out the part about Michael hiding in the garage, refusing to help because he’d been so scared. She didn’t feel like embarrassing him in front of his daughter... and more importantly she didn’t want to shatter any ideal Sam might have of her father.

“I am truly sorry for behaving like such an ass back then but you have to understand I was under a lot of pressure and I was having a pretty hard time after coming back— ... after waking up having spent two years in a coma,” Shepard said despite feeling she was under no obligation to explain herself to him.

“Your father obviously never taught you to respect others.” he scoffed.

“I never really had a father, he died when I was six,” Shepard responded, her tone angrier than she’d intended it to be. In all honesty she would’ve wanted to say so much more but decided not to. Now was not the time. He was wrong, she knew it... but she was still a guest in his house. The fact that he obviously chose to hate her over something as stupid as being called a coward (when he’d indeed been acting like one) spoke more of him than it did of her. Just... play along, let it slide... take the high road.

“I’m so sorry for your loss, Jane,” Khira said, and now it was her kicking her husband under the table. “Your mother must be a strong woman having raised someone as strong as you and all by herself.” she continued.

“Thank you, and yes she is... she’s something else. Likewise you did a magnificent job raising Samantha, both of you.” Shepard then commented, turning to look at Michael at the end of the sentence. She put her hand over Sam’s that was resting on the table and held onto it firmly.

“She’s one of the most intelligent and genuine persons I’ve ever met and I can’t tell you how proud I am that she’s chosen me as her partner,” she continued, the pride easy to see in her smile and to hear from her voice. Sam lowered her gaze, smiling and blushing a little. “Without her we probably would’ve never tracked down Cerberus’s assasin and their headquarters in time. And it was Sam who saved the kids’ lives at Grissom Academy by seeing through Cerberus’s fake messages...It was also her who gave me the power to stay strong during the war. Samantha is the best that has ever happened to me.”

Act four: Make good conversation

As Sam and Khira cleared the table and cleaned the dishes, Michael invited Shepard out to the yard for a beer and a chat. Shepard was surprised by the request but wasn’t about to deny it, she admitted they could benefit from hashing it out in private. He grabbed two beers from the fridge, shoved one of the bottles into Shepard’s hand and told her to follow him to the backyard.

It wasn’t a request, it was an order and despite wanting to tell him she was pretty sure she outranked him, she followed him. When Michael didn’t say anything, just stood there on the porch sipping on his beer with his back facing Shepard, she decided to try and discuss the one thing they had in common.

“I noticed you have a model of the SSV Logan on display... I’m into ship modeling too. I never got my hands on the limited edition you have though,” she tried but Michael didn’t answer. Maybe he was just enjoying making her feel awkward and powerless. A rare chance for anyone to make her feel that way. She was still trying to decide should she play along or tell him off when he finally spoke up.

“Didn’t the Alliance try to charge you or Sam for fraternizing?”

“I didn’t give a damn. I still don’t. And frankly I’d imagine the Alliance brass has more important things to worry about than my personal life.”

“Bollocks! Maybe they do for now... but I doubt they’ll just let this rest after everything’s back to normal. If Sam is at risk of  getting into trouble because of you-”

“They can kiss my ass, they should be grateful they’re even alive, and the only reason they’re alive is because of all the brave people who were willing to sacrifice themselves for the future of all of us.”

“Don’t you mean they’re alive because of you, and thus they owe you?” Michael said, his eyebrow quirking.

“If that’s your way of calling me an arrogant asshole then fine. I never said I single—handedly saved us from the Reapers, and I never will make such an outrageous statement. However, I will say that you’re right; they owe me because if it weren’t for the efforts of me and my crew, none of us would be here,” Shepard said and Michael turned to face her. She could see he was angry, probably because his arguments were fruitless. He gripped the front of Shepard’s hoodie with his free hand and pulled her closer.

“If you ever do anything to hurt Sam, if you ever break her heart, I will make your life miserable,” he hissed. It was unlikely he’d be able to pull it off but it didn’t matter. He’d die trying if that’s what it would take.

“Noted,” Shepard said unimpressed by his threat but then growled. “And now let go of me before I break  your wrist.” He let go of her and shoved her back. If he weren’t  Samatha’s father he would have more than just a broken wrist now. Shepard shrugged to adjust her clothing and took a deep breath as she tried to calm herself enough not to punch him. How dares he make such assumptions. He probably watched too much of ANN’s cunting reports about me . Don’t get angry... People make mistakes when they’re angry.. He’s just worried about Sam, she told herself and slowly opened her hand from the fist it had been. Her fingernails had dug deep crescent moon—shapes into her palm from being squeezed against the skin so hard.

“What exactly do you think you have to offer to Samantha? You’re a soldier, an adrenaline junkie who needs action and danger. The Navy and your crew are your family.”

Shepard wanted to say something but he wasn’t done yet.

“Those were your own words during dinner.”

“I also said I quit active duty like Sam asked me to-”

“And you think you can live  a casual life, without your adrenaline kicks?”

“Actually yes. I’ve had  enough of wargames. I’ll work as an N7 drill instructor. Believe me there will be enough adrenaline kicks doing that job.”

“She had to quit working on her doctorate in information, communication and social sciences to help retrofitting your ship. Her doctorate was the most important thing to her before the war, and now that it’s over, you just expect her to happily play the role of a housewife while you train elite soldiers?” Michael scoffed.

“What? No. If she wants me to stay at home so she can continue on her doctorate I’ll do so. I just want her to be happy.”

“Well that’s one thing we can agree on at least. But I doubt you have what it takes to make her happy,” Michael scoffed despite seeing evidence to the contrary.

Shepard’s patience was reaching its limits.  “If you want her to be happy then get your fucking shit together. If punching me makes you feel better then go for it, I don’t give a flying fuck. Yes, I was rude to you. Yes I talk like a fucking soldier and you might think I have no dignity and no manners but get the hell over that, get your own impression of me instead of taking  all the shitty rumors about me for real,” she spat at him, deciding to stop pretending. At least she’d made an attempt and put some effort into it which was more than could be said about his childish behavior.

“ I may not be the dream daughter—in—law as far as you’re concerned but I don’t care, because I’m not here for you. I’m far from perfect but that doesn’t change the fact that my feelings for Sam are genuine, and I’m doing everything in my power to make her happy, to ensure she’ll always be safe, that her needs and wants are always met,” Shepard began as she slowly circled Michael. Since he was so adamantly behaving like a hostile, she’d treat him like one.

“I would die for her and I would kill for her without hesitation. Not a lot of people can say that and honestly mean it too.You wouldn’t have  been able to protect her during the Collector’s attack. Instead you would have been hiding in a Garage. Risking that the Collectors got to your wife and daughter.” She entered his personal space and moved her face close to his whispering “You coward.” Shepard saw how shame flitted across his face before anger replaced it.

“Your obvious desire to be a hero and a martyr, and the obvious ruthlessness you possess take away the meaning of that. You’d die or kill for anything and anyone.” Michael scoffed. Shepard balled her hands into fists again, only barely able to resist the urge to punch some sense into him.

“You were right, I was never taught respect. No one needed to teach me, I can tell when someone deserves respect and when they don’t. You can keep demanding respect from me, but you will not have it until you have earned it. Just like you said I have to earn yours. Whatever petty grudge you have against me for calling you a coward, I suggest you get the hell over it and stop pretending you didn’t act like one,” Shepard hissed. “How the hell someone like you managed to raise a daughter as brilliant as Sam is beyond my comprehension.”

She’d tried acting polite, she’d tried being civil but she had her limits. “You’re not the person she told me so proudly about-”  Shepard said just as Sam opened the door and peeked out.

“I was sure you’d killed each other by now.” she joked. When neither one responded, Sam took a few steps further, entering the patio with Raja. He went to Michael with his toy and the man took it and threw it. He walked down the short stairs into the backyard.

“Everything all right ?” Sam asked Shepard while Michael’s attention was on Raja who was now dashing after the toy his master had thrown.Shepard stiffened a little when Sam pressed her side against hers, gripping her arm and leaning to nuzzle into the side of her neck.

“I could punch him,” Shepard whispered, shaking her head.

“Don’t you dare,” Sam whispered back, planting a kiss on Shepard’s cheek.

“I won’t... but I’m telling you I’m tired of having my attempts at making peace thrown back into my face,” Shepard muttered. It wasn’t just Michael, this seemed to be a reoccurring element in her life. She’d hoped that ending the war meant she wouldn’t need to keep trying against all odds, at least for a while. Apparently she’d been wrong.

“Come on... let’s just get some sleep, maybe he’ll be more agreeable in the morning... and if not, then at least you’ve had a chance to take a break from him. And I’m sure mum will have a talk with him too, she likes you a lot. Probably because you are interested in her cooking,” Sam offered Shepard a lopsided smile. The Commander merely nodded and followed her in. Thanking Khira for dinner once more before wishing her good night, she followed Sam upstairs.

part 2/2 --> http://archiveofourown.org/works/4471439