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The plan is so good that Hyunjae is almost tempted to tell Juyeon about it, but Juyeon would probably be a little bitch and make annoying comments that’ll ruin the mood. The plan is good, though, better than good, it’s excellent, Hyunjae's been thinking about it for weeks and it only sounds better as Christmas draws nearer.
The thing about Juyeon is that he doesn’t get the big deal about Christmas. Oh, he understands the religious and cultural connotations, and that traditions make people happy, but a couple of weeks ago when Hyunjae and Chanhee started talking about snowmen and tinsel and cooking something ridiculous at Changmin's place, Juyeon had just looked at them with an aura of silent judgment.
It's not like Hyunjae didn't know that though. Despite being strangers -to -friends -to -couples -to -exes -to -friends again, it's not hard for Hyunjae to remember everything Juyeon likes and hates (or maybe he never erase them in his memory in the first place).
"What do you mean by you dislike Christmas? It's my favorite time of the year though..."
"I don't get the idea of people giving gifts to each other. It could cost you a fortune to give someone as worth as the present they are giving."
"Just because it's a tradition doesn't mean it's necessary for everyone. You can have me as your present and it's still Christmas!"
"I like that but I still don't like Christmas, babe."
Hyunjae's going to set him straight on that account, though. Juyeon is gonna get the best Christmas present ever. (And if that means that Juyeon gets the best Christmas present ever too, then that’s just a bonus.)
This is the first time they're celebrating Christmas together — they fell off around Spring — and the timing is crucial, though. They’ve agreed that present-opening will take place on Christmas morning, because everyone’s allowed to be a sap when they’ve saved the world and not died (suck it), but there’s no way Hyunjae's going to give Juyeon his, cough, big present in front of their friends. Juyeon's smaller presents are already under the metal-frame Christmas tree – some cool new clothes from his favorite brand that was bought by Hyunjae, and maybe nerdy college stuff from Sunwoo, Younghoon and Changmin – but the big one’s going to have to be done in private.
That means it has to be after dinner. That way they could avoid an awkward dinner if it doesn’t go well, and if it does go well, a whole night for Juyeon to think about his answer.
The plan is excellent.
♡
“So, Merry Christmas, Juy,” Hyunjae says, the nickname fell off easily. His stomach’s full with more than just good cheer, Changmin's kitchen adventures an apparent success. The master chef himself is in the living room with the couple, torturing himself as the third wheel since Sunwoo went home a week earlier, only leaving his presents behind. (Changmin's the biggest).
This, of course, leaves Hyunjae and Juyeon conveniently by themselves in the kitchen. Hyunjae's helping with the cleaning up, really he is, even if Juyeon keeps plucking the plates out of his hands when he waves them around excitedly (more like dangerously).
“Merry Christmas to you, too, Hyunjae.” Juyeon replies with a warm smile of his own, which is promising. "We should thank Changmin for inviting us.”
“Of course you were invited, you are his best friend after all! I'm the newbie here,” Hyunjae giggles, because he’s not going to talk about how sometimes he feels awkward around them even though it's been a year since Chanhee and Younghoon got together.
Juyeon had been showing signs that he's enjoying all this during dinner. He’d also been indulgent with their various traditions, both real and made-up, and he seems in good enough cheer right now that Hyunjae thinks that even in a world where perfect moments are rare, Hyunjae might be allowed to have this.
“So.” Hyunjae clears his throat. “I thought I’d give my present to you early. One of them, anyway.”
“Oh?” Juyeon puts down the plate he’d been washing and turns to face him.
A full blast of Juyeon-flavored attention would weaken a lesser man, but not Hyunjae. No way, Hyunjae's been thinking about this for ages, had the thought fluttering around at the back of his mind for months since they become friends again until he’d finally allowed himself to coax it out into an actual, possible, full-fledged idea. Then he’d never had the time (or the balls) or found the right moment in between all the madness that is their lives to offer it up, until now.
“Anything you want.” Hyunjae coughs again, that is so not nerves making his voice go funny. “Anything you want from me, if it’s within reason for me to give you, I’ll give you. I mean, you know, since we’re friends and you’re here and we’re friends and it’s Christmas…”
“And we’re friends,” Juyeon adds awkwardly. He’s clearly thinking about it, even if he doesn’t understand exactly what Hyunjae's saying. “I don’t need anything, Hyunjae. I told you, I understand why presents are important but I don’t—”
“No no no,” Hyunjae says quickly. “Not really talking about, uh, material girl in a material world. Though if you want that, that’s cool, too, it’s a bitch to shop for something for someone you know, lemme tell you that. But I was thinking more like, something from me, that I can do for you.”
Juyeon's eyebrows jump up. Surprise is a good look for him, as is the intriguing way his mouth falls open as realization dawns. “Anything?”
Well, shit, Juyeon is gonna ask for something from him , isn’t he? Is this finally the day Lee Hyunjae will receive his punishment for making assumptions about Lee Juyeon cheating on him when it's just a silly misunderstanding? Or maybe he’s going to ask Hyunjae to fuck off and he can't be friends anymore because 'exes can't be friends' Chanhee once said. And Juyeon is totally going to ask for it without realizing what the hell Hyunjae's really putting out on the line here and it’s a miracle that Hyunjae's only being hysterical about this in his own head.
The kitchen is very quiet while Juyeon thinks.
“Since we are friends,” Juyeon starts ominously, “I wouldn’t want to ask for something that would impose on you or cause great difficulty. This is to be a joyous time, and I’m grateful to have been asked to share in this.”
“Yeah.” Hyunjae nods frantically. “Cool.”
“So I…” Juyeon drops his gaze, which he never ever ever does unless it’s something huge, and Hyunjae tries not to hope. “I would like to cuddle.”
“Cool.” Hyunjae is still nodding. “I can do… what?”
“Cuddle.” Juyeon squares his broad ass shoulders and raises his eyes back up to meet Hyunjae's defiantly. “I’ve heard that it’s quite pleasant. And it’s cold outside, so cuddling would be… beneficial?”
Hyunjae thinks he might actually be experiencing a mental blue screen of death. It certainly explains why he just stares at Juyeon, who stares back, and since staring is something like 50% of their vocabulary, Juyeon doesn’t seem to think there’s anything unusual about this.
“Come.” Juyeon grabs his hand and pulls him to the living room. Hyunjae finds himself being seated in an unoccupied part of the couch, Juyeon sliding into the empty space next to him. This is normal and totally acceptable – Younghoon just grunts something about their having missed the best part – but what’s totally unacceptable is the way Juyeon pulls Hyunjae's arm over his shoulder and slides way into his personal space and fuck they're so close and —
“Whoa there soldier!” Changmin says, making Hyunjae flailing backward and almost off the couch entirely in surprised. The three of them are staring at them now, so it’s really not Hyunjae's fault that he tries to lighten up the atmosphere by laughing. “Sorry guys, thought I saw a cockroach or something. Hey, we haven’t missed the best part yet, have we? As in the part where Kevin's mom struggled to go home for her kid, right?"
From the corner of Hyunjae's eye he can see Juyeon frown, but the other obligingly adds a couple of polite inches between their bodies and starts watching the movie.
Hyunjae forgets how warm he can be.
♡
Fine, it was a terrible plan. Juyeon makes no less than three more attempts to snuggle up to Hyunjae during movie time, and while Hyunjae manages to deflect each one – twice by getting up for drinks and once to use the bathroom – Changmin definitely noticed and is starting to make sad, pitying faces at them. The couple don't care because they are always in their own world anyway. He's glad Sunwoo is not here or he might start playing matchmaker again. (Could be the best help Hyunjae needs right now but.) And Juyeon is definitely starting to radiate indignant displeasure which is ruining the moment for everyone.
“You don’t need to hide your love, Hyunjae,” Changmin says after they’re done watching Home Alone 2 (traditions, very important!). He clasps Hyunjae's shoulders and pushes out his lower lip, looking way too earnest for this to be anything. “It’s Christmas. If you can’t share special time with your lover during Christmas, what hope is there for the rest of us?”
“Get out of my face.” Hyunjae slides away before he can be bearhugged to death. “If you knock your head I’m taking all your presents, dude.” Juyeon is preoccupied helping Younghoon to his room — Chanhee sighs dramatically at that — so that allows Hyunjae to make his own grateful exit up the stairs.
Except, of course, when he closes the room door and turns around, Juyeon is right there.
“Jesus!” Hyunjae yelps. He clutches his chest, wheezing faintly. “You are not allowed to sneak around unless you’re Santa. Actually, I don’t think even Santa’s allowed.”
“I’ve come to collect my cuddles,” Juyeon declares. He opens his arms, an unmovable wall of strong arms demanding inappropriate touches. Not that Hyunjae has anything against inappropriate touching – he wouldn’t have made the offer if he hadn’t – but there’s inappropriate touching and then there’s inappropriate touching, not that he’d know how the hell to explain the difference to a guy that used to be his fuck fling. Whatever that means.
“Look, Juy." Hyunjae says apologetically, “I’m tired. It’s been a really long day, there’s been so much excitement, I just want to crash and sleep in for as long as possible. Chances are some people next doors will be up to partying in a couple of hours, we’re lucky we got this far with no emergency calls, ain’t it?"
Juyeon’s frown deepens. “I’ve been led to understand that cuddles don’t require much energy. In fact, it should be just the opposite. And to be specific, these words came from you.”
Hyunjae's heart is beating like crazy. Juyeon still thinks about their past is making him feel things that he shouldn't feel. “Just let me…” Hyunjae backs away carefully. “Teeth. Need brushing. Plaque. And all that.”
Sometimes the best things about Juyeon are also the most annoying things. He’s stubborn when he sets his mind to something, and even Hyunjae can’t be too surprised when Juyeon slams open the bathroom door while he’s flossing to glare at Hyunjae and say, “Are you seriously not going to give me cuddles?”
“Bathroom time is a man’s private time!” Hyunjae shouts, once he’s untangled the floss from his teeth.
“You’re stalling!” Juyeon counters.
“Do I look cuddly to you right now?” Hyunjae freezes at the slow, contemplative look that passes over Juyeon’s face. Hyunjae looks down at himself, in his oversized sweater and shorts, and then back up at Juyeon. “I am not feeling very cuddly at the moment, especially not when someone keep intruding me.”
"What's wrong with you seriously? You asked me if I have anything I want that isn't in a perspective of a present and when I asked for a simple cuddle, suddenly you are yelling at my face? You keep asking me if we are friends or not so if we are, what's wrong with cuddles? Am I really the one at fault here? Or I'm just not understanding this well enough?" Juyeon spits as he narrows his eyes and then left. Leaving Hyunjae freezes in his spot.
Why couldn’t Juyeon have asked for something easy? Hyunjae takes as long as he can finishing up, wondering how on earth something that sounds easy has resulted in an inconceivable itch erupting all over his body, making him feel restless and wrong.
Juyeon is not wrong and Hyunjae is the one who's wrong. After all Hyunjae doesn't really know what he really wants from Juyeon. He wants something, anything, but not cuddle. It's out of his expectation.
Hyunjae creeps out of the bathroom as quietly as he can. Juyeon is nowhere in sight, so maybe he left to find Changmin? It’s actually quite amazing how none of their friends haven't checked on them despite their bickering. Hyunjae is known for his loud voice anyway. Hyunjae is plugging his phone when he hears a voice again.
“You’re done.” Juyeon enters the room (Sunwoo's, Juyeon supposed to sleep in Changmin's room, why is he here?). He’s left his overcoat, jacket and tie somewhere, leaving him in the shirtsleeves and slacks, which is apparently what counts as cuddlewear for Juyeon — this is his experience self talking. “May we start now?”
“God, I’m so tired,” Hyunjae groans, rubbing a hand over his face. “You really want to do this now? I’ll fall asleep in two seconds flat and drool on everything and it’ll be terrible, you’ll hate it.”
No, Juyeon really don't. Juyeon doesn't mind and never comment on his sleeping habits, he just never did.
“Let me be the judge of whether something is terrible or not.” Is what Juyeon decided to say as he sits on the edge of bed, looking so very smug as he watches Hyunjae putter uselessly around the room. He knows he still got Hyunjae wrapped around his finger, it makes Hyunjae sick. “Just do what you usually do, Hyunjae.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
“Usually you check the room’s windows at this point.”
“Yeah, I got it!”
Hyunjae doesn’t mean to snap, but Juyeon just regards him mildly and says, “You can pretend I’m not here.”
“Sure,” Hyunjae mutters. Like it’s just as easy to pretend that cuddling without any of the usual benefits is something normal, cuddling as friends is normal, what's not normal is cuddling your ex. Hyunjae's mind still races through possible excuses – there’s not enough room, he is a sudden and chronic allergy to Juyeon, Hyunjae just can’t sleep with someone there (not when Hyunjae keeps pointing his habits like they are still together) – which are so blatantly false that even Juyeon would see right through them.
It's crazy really. They wasn't even together for a long time but the connections between them are too strong, they can't handle it on their own.
Hyunjae is so busy trying to think up a way around it that he barely notices that he’s already settled on the bed, legs under the covers.
Then Juyeon is right up in his space, grabbing Hyunjae's shoulders to guide him to lie down. It is, without a doubt, the most awkward, uncomfortable moment of Hyunjae's life – who knew that two attractive adults lying down together could be so damn unsexy? Juyeon is just all about bringing new experiences into Hyunjae's life, apparently. It's funnier because Hyunjae could show Juyeon receipts of his tweets from his Twitter private just how bad he wants to be close to Juyeon again, be in his arms again yet he's panicking when all his fantasies come true.
Hyunjae feels like a plank, or a piece of furniture. Juyeon moves around him, trying to find space as he takes Hyunjae's head into his arm and pull his body closer to his side. Eventually Juyeon goes still, and Hyunjae gives it maybe half an hour before his body start screaming.
“This is.” Hyunjae tries to find the words. He fails.
“I’m sure it will become pleasurable in a moment,” Juyeon says hesitantly. “Perhaps you should relax.”
“I am relaxed.”
“More relaxed.”
"You could push me if you want, I don't want to make you hate me or something."
"I don't want to hate you." Hyunjae replies in a small voice.
There’s a long moment of silence, and then Hyunjae says, “Oh. Uh, Juy you are not going to really sleep, right? Are you just going to lie there and...?”
“Yes.” Juyeon tries to push in closer, knocking his forehead against Hyunjae's cheek. It stings. Hyunjae can feel tears welling up in his eyes, he misses this so much. “It’s all right. Go to sleep. You don’t need to worry about a thing. I will be as unobtrusive as I can without actually being invisible.”
"I just want to be with you, until you fall asleep at least." Juyeon breathes against his ear, the confession makes Hyunjae's breath hitches.
“Don't say things you didn't mean,” Hyunjae warns. “It's terrible enough that we're doing this as friends, if Sunwoo hears about this he's going to start calling us couple names.”
“Changmin already called us lovers earlier though.”
Just as Hyunjae said, it’s terrible. But it's different type of terrible because Juyeon may try to be unobtrusive but he can’t, because he’s almost six feet (not much different with Hyunjae's height but his body proportions makes Hyunjae feel smaller) and his body keeps moving here and there.There’s limbs knocking and pressure in all the wrong places, making Hyunjae feel like every cliché of teenagers fumbling at the back of a car, which just drives home how epically stupid this is, because two dicks lying this close to each other without any action going on is goddamn waste.
“Uh.” Hyunjae eyes the door. “I think I should check on—”
“They’re fine.”
“You don’t know who I’m talking about.”
“Who else is there in this house?” Juyeon asks dryly. “Changmin is snoring. And I'm pretty sure you are not going to check on Younghoon and Chanhee.”
Hyunjae shuts up. He tries to think happy thoughts.
Then, unfortunately, it gets worse.
Juyeon moves again, still trying to figure out this one side cuddling business, and discovers that he can solve the knocking knees problem by pushing one of his legs between Hyunjae's. That changes the fit of his body, turning him to an angle where his chest presses against Hyunjae's side and, oh shit, that’s Juyeon’s chin on Hyunjae's shoulder. So close.
“Am I poking you?” Juyeon asks.
Hyunjae bites off the inappropriate joke. “Your shoulder is a little, yeah.”
Hyunjae knows he's being a little selfish. He also knows Juyeon is being selfish. But Hyunjae could take this chance to cuddle Juyeon, this is the only time they'd be like this. There will be no reason for it after Christmas. It won't be so bad if he could stop freezing his body from touching Juyeon and actually cuddles him back, right?
But then Juyeon wiggle a little, fixing the position of his shoulder so not to poke Hyunjae's chest. Ultimately this results in Juyeon pressing his nose into the base of Hyunjae's neck, breathing softly.
Hyunjae has to remind himself that this is not the best fucking thing on the planet (used to), because if he lets his body believe that, there’ll be en route to boner city.
Juyeon shimmies a little more, nuzzling into Hyunjae's skin.
Make that massive, special-moment-destroying, friendship-shattering boner city.
Who the hell cuddles platonically? Lee Juyeon apparently.
“Why aren’t you holding me?” Juyeon asks.
Hyunjae jumps at Juyeon's voice. He’d actually started to nod off, because the bed really is quite comfy and Hyunjae is actually quite tired from all the preparations he and Changmin did this morning and Juyeon is leaking body warmth all over the place. “What? Why?”
Juyeon sighs. For a moment Hyunjae thinks Juyeon is going to grab his arms and maneuver him into place, but Juyeon moves away instead. He takes away all that not-so-terrible weight and warmth away, and sits up to level a look at Hyunjae.
“You good, Juy?,” Hyunjae offers.
Juyeon raises an eyebrow. Somehow it feels like the cocking of a weapon. Hyunjae goes still.
“Answer me one thing, Hyunnie,” Juyeon says softly. Hyunjae's breath hitches louder this time, Juyeon never ever use that nickname after they become friends again, the last time Hyunjae heard that was ages ago, when they were still together. “One thing, and I will get out of this bed and leave you to your rest, never to mention this ever again.”
“Uh.” Hyunjae's muscles actually feel like liquid at this point, he couldn’t make a run for it if he wanted. “Shoot?”
“Was it a lie?” Juyeon's face does that thing where it goes eerily blank. “When you said that I could have anything within reason from you, was that a lie?”
Hyunjae's chest goes tight. “No,” he says. “Of course not.”
“Then is it not within reason?” Juyeon sounds almost hopeful, as though he’s trying his best to understand what’s up with Hyunjae. “Did I overstep our boundaries?”
Considering that one of the things Hyunjae had fantasized Juyeon asking for had been blowjobs, it would be a damned dirty lie to say that Juyeon is the one doing the overstepping here. “No. I mean. It’s just. I don't know. Cuddles, really?”
“So it was lie.” Juyeon lets out a quick breath, as though confirming a suspicion. There’s no disappointment in his eyes, which makes Hyunjae feel like the biggest fucking tool in the world. “Well, Hyunjae,” Juyeon says, voice suspiciously thick, “I suggest that next time, before you make a promise like that, you think it through and only offer it if you mean it.”
“But I did—” Hyunjae grabs Juyeom's arm without thinking, “—I did mean it when I said that, Juy, really. You just took me by surprise. You’re not… I just really wasn’t expecting something like that. You’re not the most physical guy I know.”
“Because I don’t get the chance,” Juyeon says, so fiercely that it makes Hyunjae reel, “I don’t know how to ask, you know how I get things like that wrong. And I know you will feel weird out because I really want to be close with you. But you said that we’re friends—”
“We are!”
“—so I thought that maybe…” Juyeon shrugs, angry and helpless.
Somehow that had never occurred to Hyunjae that Juyeon would want something like that. Juyeon is just so – so Juyeon – he’s so self-reliant and composed in his slightly disheveled way, always flitting in and out of his lives as though this is just a placeholder for whatever it is he’s doing most of the time. He handles the big stuff that Hyunjae can barely wrap his head around, even though he's the one with full job here.
But here he is now, asking for something from Hyunjae, and it mustn’t be petty to him because Juyeon doesn’t do petty – he only does important.
“It’s not my fault you suck at it,” Hyunjae says, ignoring the way Juyeon looks at him sharply. “No, really, you’re awful. Is it because it's been a long time since you hold me? But this is how you do it.”
And Hyunjae slides a hand to the back of Juyeon's head, curves the other palm around Juyeon's waist, and pulls him down. There is space where they fit, they just need to find it. Hyunjae adjusts their bodies and limbs as though solving a jigsaw puzzle, then tucks Juyeon tight against him. Juyeon finds that perfect spot against Hyunjae's neck again, nosing at the skin under his chin, though this time Hyunjae guides Juyeon's arm to come all the way round Hyunjae's body, a lock.
A voice in Hyunjae's head murmurs that he’ll have to crave for this again later but Hyunjae just sends back, Fuck it, it’s Christmas.
What also makes it worthwhile is the soft, breathy pleasure in Juyeon's voice when he says, “I missed this. I missed you.”
“You gotta move if at any point during the night I lose circulation wherever,” Hyunjae bluffing, refuse to let his guard down and just kiss Juyeon silly. “And if I have problem breathing. You’ll be awake, you’ll notice, right?”
“Yes.” Juyeon's voice goes even quieter, almost slurring, as if he’s melting into a puddle of goo. “Yes, of course.”
Then it’s all safety and warmth and comfort, Hyunjae's body an anchoring weight in the quiet night. It’s always nice enough to share a bed with someone but it’s different when they’re there because they want to be there, and not because it’s convenient or coincidental or they’re too tired to move. It’s also really fucking intimate in a way that sex isn’t always, and isn’t that just the kicker?
Hyunjae thinks he could dig this. He thinks he could sleep really well, too, in a way that he hasn’t for a very long time.
“In the morning,” Juyeon says, which makes Hyunjae grunt irritably because hello, trying to sleep here, “we may have sex?”
Hyunjae's eyes snap open. “What?”
“How many friends do you cuddle with like this, Hyunnie?” Juyeon presses a brief, almost delicate kiss to Hyunjae's neck, seemingly possessive. There are now goosebumps, and Hyunjae still isn’t entirely sure he isn’t already asleep. “How many friends would you have made an offer like the one you made me?”
Hyunjae clutches at Juyeon's waist, suddenly needing confirmation that this is real. Yep, that’s Juyeon's small waist and that’s Juyeon's hand playing with Hyunjae's hair, and that’s Juyeon’s calf moving languidly between Hyunjae’s legs. Hyunjae's cock twitches hopefully, even if the rest of his body knows damn well that it’s too exhausted for anything right now.
“You got me.” Hyunjae laughs weakly. “I thought… Wow, I thought you didn’t get it.”
“I wasn’t certain,” Juyeon admits, and Hyunjae is pretty sure he’s smiling right now, tightening his hold on Juyeon's, gaining the courage to make eye contacts with Juyeon, who's already looking at him oh so dearly. “But it was worth a try. Thank you for trying, too. I imagine it must’ve been hard for you.”
They don't know who leans closer but the next thing Hyunjae surely knows is their lips touching, fitting in perfectly.
Juyeon takes Hyunjae's lower lip between his and lightly sucks on it, pulling a gasp out of his ex - boyfriend.
The kiss they are sharing feels like the first all over again. He’d dreamed about kissing Juyeon again for so many times that this lifetime might not be long enough to reenact them.
“I like this.” Hyunjae murmurs in between the kisses, grasping his shirt. “Your arms and shoulder, they are getting bigger…I like feeling small in your arms.”
That just makes Juyeon wants to press Hyunjae flat against the bed and feel more of him, do the things he’d frequently envision in his sleep that leaves him in pain the next morning.
“Juy—”
Juyeon peels himself away before their hips could touch, now shamefully aware of the blooming problem in his pants. “Sorry—”
“It’s fine.” Hyunjae doesn’t look fine. He looks like he’s going to erupt from how red he is.
It's silent again as they look at each other with heavy breathing, and when Hyunjae keeps throwing a small smile at Juyeon, that's when he says, "I do not care we can talk about this tomorrow. No cut that shit, I'm going to ask for my second chance tomorrow, you should go to sleep and set your mind ready. You are not going to ruin my moment tomorrow"
That only widened Hyunjae's smile, he can feel Juyeon pressing a wet kiss on his forehead, and then his cheek, next his nose and lastly, his mouth. It lasts a second but still worth it.
Hyunjae lets his eyes drift shut, even as his grin threatens to split his face in two. “Not ruining the moment, that’s me. Night, Juy.”
“Goodnight, Hyunnie.”