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Scaramouche had thought of many scenarios on how that man will react when both of them meet.
One of them being a blade pressing against his neck — or worse, a blade stab against his chest.
Honestly he wouldn’t mind both scenarios. He wouldn’t get hurt even though his body could feel the pain stinging — but it’s only temporary, it wouldn’t compare to the massacre he had done to an entire clan.
The pain and the sadness that man must go through because of his actions — there’s no way he didn’t have any slightest hate towards Scaramouche.
That’s why it confused Scaramouche — because when he first met the said descendant, he didn’t do anything to him.
Sure Scaramouche could feel the anger rising from him, slowly showing on that man’s face once he learned that Scaramouche is the reason why almost all his entire clan died — yet, he didn’t do anything.
His hands were nowhere against his blade, the anger slowly decreasing, and after taking a few breaths, the white haired man just walked away.
It tickled Scaramouche, since the reaction he got wasn’t what he was expecting at all.
He becomes curious, and without realizing it, his body moves — approaching the man, following him from behind.
“Do you have anywhere else to go?” The man asked, noticing Scaramouche who’s walking behind him.
“I don’t have anywhere to go, I’m just a wanderer.”
“The same as me then.”
The same as him…
Scaramouche didn’t say anything, yet he felt baffled because of the fact that they didn’t have a home — a place to go back once they’re done with their journey. It was kind of ironic because, if he thought about it again — maybe the reason why this Kaedehara boy doesn’t have a home anymore was because of him .
He shouldn’t follow him then.
Scaramouche shouldn’t go with him — should give him the freedom he wants, he should not get interested in this boy just because he looks alike to…
Niwa.
Niwa, Hisahide Niwa.
A man who’s as bright as the sun — one of his very first friends, the one who smiles so blinding — Scaramouche never understands why he feels warmth spreading into his body every time he sees Niwa’s smile.
Still, to this day, he doesn't understand.
“Do you want to wander with me?”
That man spoke again, giving him a shocking question which made Scaramouche’s pupil grow wider.
“You look like a lost kitten.” That Kaedehara boy was smiling, chuckling — which made Scaramouche feel the warmth again — the same one whenever he saw Niwa smile at him.
It was strange since they didn’t know each other, yet Scaramouche yearned for the feeling — of being patted on the head by Niwa, or just a mere compliment on how Scaramouche did a good job today, all by Niwa — and this…
This man in front of him…
He talks like Niwa. He’s being gentle like Niwa. He smells like Niwa.
His face reminds him of Niwa too.
Which — shouldn’t be weird since he’s one of Niwa’s descendants anyway — so there should be some similarities within them… and that makes…
That makes Scaramouche wants to…
“Hey, why are you crying?” The man asked, his expression was getting worried — oh , even Scaramouche could see the resemblance in their expressions — which made him want to bury himself in the man’s chest. An activity he used to do when he was upset, hugging Niwa, Niwa would be there, comforting him.
Niwa…
Oh Niwa.
“I hope you won’t regret your decision.” Scaramouche suddenly answered, wiping the tears off of his face. Why’s a puppet like him could cry anyway?
“Yeah?”
“You’ve asked me to wander with you.” He folded his arms, facing that man with his usual fierce expression. “Kaedehara boy.”
“I… okay.” That man chuckled again resulting in pink blush decorating Scaramouche’s cheeks. “Just call me Kazuha.”
Kazuha.
He will try to remember that.
..
They wander together.
From one place to another, usually taking commissions just like what the traveler does. Sometimes they would stop and take a rest — Kazuha then would mumble any of the haikus he created on their journey. Scaramouche would find them ridiculous, but Kazuha would laugh.
Just like that.
It was admirable to see how Kazuha could endure Scaramouche’s bratty behavior. If Scaramouche was complaining, then Kazuha would try to calm him down — if Kazuha was unsure about something, then Scaramouche would be the one to give input in what decisions they should take.
Almost as if they complete each other.
The sky was dark with rain clouds right after they just did another commission from one of the villagers.
Both of them fasten their steps, and slightly run when the raindrops hit them slowly.
A mini hut caught their sight, after exchanging glances at each other they immediately took a rest in there.
No one lived in there it seemed, yet the hut condition was looking good since the roof could hold the amount of water that dropped.
Scaramouche lifted up a fire, which made Kazuha unconsciously smiling — taking a seat beside him.
“You’re doing that for me? Thank you.”
That made Scaramouche’s cheeks tinted with pink color — his mind trying to give Kazuha 999 reasons to deny that question, because no, he didn’t do it for Kazuha — no, he simply just used to do it!
Yet he didn’t utter any words even if he already opened his mouth, decided to just focus on the fire in front of them.
Kazuha didn’t say anything anymore, his body feels tired after doing some actions on their previous commissions.
Slowly he put his head on Scaramouche’s shoulder — and before Scaramouche could protest, Kazuha already said something.
“Please, I feel so tired.”
Minutes passed, and since there’s no refusal from Scaramouche, Kazuha tried to do something more by putting his head on the latter’s thighs.
Scaramouche was more than ready to yell — until he found how fast Kazuha was asleep right now.
He decided to just stay silent.
The sound of rain dropping was still strong, as well as the sound of lightning strikes in the sky. Yet Scaramouche found a strange calmness in this atmosphere.
To see how Kazuha soundly asleep, with his chest moving slowly — up and down.
His fingers calmly trailed on Kazuha’s strands of white hair, ears listening on how Kazuha breathing, his eyes closed unconsciously as his hands moved, holding Kazuha’s chest.
His heart was beating, steady and nicely.
Kazuha is alive.
He’s here, with Scaramouche.
Both of those purple eyes opened once again, hands now playing with the read streaks on Kazuha’s hair — reminding him of someone.
“Niwa…” he murmured.
..
Puppets don’t get sick.
But humans do, and that’s why Scaramouche was more than angry when he found out that Kazuha was sick.
“I have told you not to go after that farmer when it’s raining!” He was beyond pissed — that’s why his tone was high and harsh. His hands were full of some medical herbs which he got from villagers — after running like no end from house to house.
They decided to stay at an inn for tonight since Kazuha was sick. Scaramouche was thinking that Kazuha would get better sooner if he rested in a nice bed.
Kazuha mumbled an apology, obeying Scaramouche’s order to rest and immediately consume the medicine. His red eyes glanced at Scaramouche’s worried expression which made him guilty.
“I’m sorry.” He smiled apologetically. “Tomorrow I will get better soon, I promise.” He took one of Scaramouche’s hands, brought him to his cheek.
That action made Scaramouche surprised — another divergent feeling of warmth spreading once again — still, he didn’t pull out his hand.
“You better be.”
..
Days become months, and months become years — and both of them lose count on how many years they’ve traveled together.
The world was breathtaking, both of them often find themselves in atrocious yet beautiful places. They go after one place to another — together, helping each other when in struggle, enjoying both companions.
Getting too comfortable with each other’s presence.
Sometimes… Scaramouche was thinking… if Kazuha ever wanted to settle down.
Having a permanent place to stay and to go back — finding someone — a boy, or a girl… to become his lifetime partner.
Kazuha… would be an awesome father if he had kids.
He would tell his kids about all the adventures they both have faced, would take care of them, and would raise them nicely.
Scaramouche wasn’t against the idea of being surrounded by mini kazuhas too.
In fact, those kids would be looking so cute and cuddly — maybe they will inherit Kazuha’s hair color, with the red streak trademark adorn them.
How lovely.
“Kazuha…”
The said man moved his head slightly, glancing at Scaramouche who’s sitting not far away from him.
Kazuha himself was in the middle of catching some fish for their dinner, he had caught two before — but decided to go for one more.
Both his sleeves were rolled up, as well as his pants. His eye looked sharp, staring at his prey before finally catching another fish with his bare hands and putting it on the basket behind him.
Slowly he walked back to Scaramouche who seemed to lose in thoughts, putting the basket in front of him. “Would you like to have dinner now?”
“Kazuha…”
“Yes?”
“Are you interested in the idea of settling down?”
Kazuha was taken aback by the question, for a moment he didn’t say anything and just sat down in front of Scaramouche. “Why are you asking that question?”
“Because we’ve traveled the world together… and… maybe you want to stay in one place. Just… building a home, getting married, having kids.”
“And how about you?” Kazuha asked, glancing up to the sky which slowly turned darker — lifting a fire to light them both. “Have you ever thought about settling down? Building a home, getting married, having kids?”
Scaramouche never thinks about that — nah, he only thinks about Kazuha.
Because what can he be looking forward to? He’s a puppet. He will — simply just exist.
Companions come and go — he will just try to live with what fate has decided upon.
But Kazuha? He’s… he’s human.
He should be making every single time of his life worth it.
“No, I am asking you.” Scaramouche replied, sounded so annoyed. “It is about you, not about me.” He took off his hat and stared at Kazuha more. “What are your thoughts about kids?”
“They’re cute.” Kazuha answered, seemed to be busy preparing the fishes for them. “What about them?”
“Don’t you want to have kids?”
Silence grew within them for a moment, Kazuha’s lips didn’t move, eyes still focusing on the fishes, meanwhile Scaramouche had been eyeing Kazuha with intensity — waiting for an answer.
“I don’t know about it.” Was the reply Kazuha gave him.
Scaramouche didn’t seem to be satisfied with the answer Kazuha gave him.
Why?
Why does Kazuha never think about it?
It’s kids — his own even! Why would he never think about maybe in the future he will have a lot of kids — his own kids, cute kids that look like him?
“I think it would be nice.” Scaramouche started. “It would be nice to see you having kids, they will look like you! They’ll be looking so cute, with red streaks on their hair—“
“Ah.” Kazuha mumbled. “Red streaks, yeah.”
“You could end this journey now, Kazuha, and seek for a woman. One that’s so beautiful and kind, the one who would bear your child, raising them—“
“I am not interested in them.”
Scaramouche closed his mouth once again.
Kazuha isn’t interested in… women?
Then how will he have a child later?
Scaramouche wanted to — he wanted to see some cute children from Kazuha — they would be cute… they would look like Kazuha and… Niwa.
“If you’re not okay with women, then with men?”
Kazuha glanced slightly at Scaramouche. “Maybe.”
“How about me?”
It was sudden when Kazuha coughed badly as he reacted to Scaramouche’s words.
Maybe Scaramouche didn’t know — but Kazuha was attracted to him — romantically. God knows how hard he had been trying to court Scaramouche more than ever in this journey they’re both experiencing — but Scaramouche didn’t seem to see him as more than a companion.
“You’re attractive.” Kazuha mumbled, his face going red — which Scaramouche noticed.
“I am beyond gorgeous, I know .” Scaramouche replied, he was actually amazed to see that Kazuha might have a feeling for him. Really? “So, is it okay with me? Kazuha, I could modify my body so we could have a lot of babies later.”
Ah, so it’s about that.
“Is it about children?” Kazuha asked while still roasting the fishes he caught before.
“Of course! I will find someone who could modify my body so we could have a lot of babies later. It’s possible.” Scaramouche was getting excited, getting closer to Kazuha and took one of his hands, bringing it closer to his chest. “Let’s have babies.”
The white haired man didn’t reply as he stared at Scaramouche.
Scaramouche is very beautiful — one of the most stunning people he ever encountered in his life — Kazuha even found that his personality is fun. He’s bratty, yet caring, and sometimes he would make Kazuha get a headache with his fuzz — yet Kazuha didn’t hate him.
He’s comfortable — spending his time with Scaramouche.
He… wants to do something more — wants to have a relationship more with him.
A romantic one.
“But you only want my babies.” Kazuha murmured. “You… don’t have any romantic feelings towards me.”
Scaramouche blinked his eyes.
“Is that… necessary ?”
“Of course.” Kazuha replied, lifting the fish from the fire and adding some spice herbs before putting it back again. “Romantic feelings are necessary for two people who will be settling down together and spend their life with each other.”
“Kazuha, you could have my body as you want even without such feelings, I will allow you to. ”
The white haired man let out a chuckle. “Why? Is it because you feel remorse against me so that you feel the need to bear my children and revive the Kaedehara clan again?”
There’s a shock on Scaramouche's face when Kazuha said that. He tried to make words — but nothing came out.
“Hah, no.” He finally said after silence. “I… that’s because I… like you, Kazuha.”
“You don’t sound very convinced.”
“I like you! I love you! There.” Scaramouche closed his eyes once he finished shouting. Meanwhile Kazuha just stared at him, expression undescribed as he put the cooked fishes down on top of the plate.
“Is it really me that you like?”
“What of course—“
“Not because I resembled him?” Kazuha stared at Scaramouche. “This… Niwa… that you’re sometimes mentioned, whenever you look at me.”
Scaramouche widened his eyes.
He knew sometimes that name slipped from his mouth every time he looked at Kazuha. Their resemblances are uncanny — especially the gentleness from both when they treated him.
That’s why…
That’s why…
“Kazuha…” Scaramouche’s voice trembled. “What are you talking about?”
Kazuha didn’t reply to him. But his hand moved, slowly taking Scaramouche’s chin, bringing their face closer together.
The sudden action surprised Scaramouche, he almost pushed Kazuha away, yet… he didn’t do anything.
His body trembled, scared of Kazuha being aggressive, especially when their lips touched and Kazuha pushed his body to lie down.
Shit.
Shitshithshit—
Scaramouche’s eyes closed tightly with tears slowly forming. Both his hands were on his side, grabbing onto the grass — a result of his fear.
And then silence… Scaramouche didn’t feel anything anymore. Deciding to take a peek, he saw how Kazuha stared at him with an expression indescribable, mixed with hurt.
“Kazuha?” He was confused, especially when Kazuha was back to cut the fishes and hand him over one plate.
“You’re scared when I touch you. Your whole body trembling, there’s no way I would go further. I’m sorry for my sudden action too.”
Ignoring the plate that he had been offered to, Scaramouche holds both Kazuha’s hands. “I am not scared! Why should I be? I love you, so I… I won’t be scared, touch me aga—“
“Stop—“ Kazuha shook his head. “You’re in love with someone else now, someone who resemblances me… and I… I want to be loved as I am, as Kaedehara Kazuha.” He gave him a sorrowful smile. “Let’s eat now, okay?”
No, Scaramouche didn’t want to eat — he didn’t need to anyway. All the thoughts inside his head were just about Kazuha now — about how he said that Scaramouche is in love with someone else — Niwa.
Niwa.
Niwa.
Niwa is long gone.
And yet he —
He still…
“I’m not hungry.” Scaramouche stood up, using his hat to hide his expression. “I’m gonna take a walk for a moment.”
Kazuha responded with a hum, and Scaramouche immediately took his leave.
He ran, he ran so fast, and then flew — into where he didn’t know.
It was weird.
He is a puppet.
A puppet shouldn’t have a feeling — yet he could feel everything; grief, sadness, remorse… love. Love.
To a man who was long gone.
Who once cherished him more than anything.
The one who gave him his heart.
And now — he actually felt comfortable with… Kazuha — one of his descendants? Just because they look alike?
“You’re in love with someone else now, someone who resemblances me… and I… I want to be loved as I am, as Kaedehara Kazuha.”
Ah— haa.
Scaramouche stopped, eyes gazing at the night sky, staring at the beautiful moon which was shining, illuminating the earth.
“Why? Is it because you feel remorse against me so that you feel the need to bear my children and revive the Kaedehara clan again?”
Scaramouche felt something dripping on his cheeks.
He was the worst.
..
Morning came earlier than expected.
Kazuha woke up with back pain, frowning once he found that he’s alone. His memories told him about last night’s event, and his mouth formed a thin sad smile.
Ah yeah, he finally said something that he had been wanting to tell Scaramouche.
He shouldn’t have said that.
Those words must’ve hurt him greatly.
And now if he isn’t back… then, Kazuha would understand.
Sighing, Kazuha packed some of his belongings away, getting ready to go — at least maybe to the nearest town / or village. Maybe he could find Scaramouche in there — and maybe… at least they could say goodbye before they part ways.
It’s not like Kazuha didn’t want to build a family with Scaramouche. He wants it.
But Scaramouche only liked him because he resembled Niwa — and he wanted to build a family with him because he wanted to see more people who looked like him.
How ironic.
Still, Kazuha was glad that one of his ancestors was someone dearest to Scaramouche.
There were some movements on his back, and Kazuha was more than ready to pull his blade only when he actually turned — he found Scaramouche instead.
Ah.
“I thought you wouldn’t come back.” Kazuha mumbled, feeling more than relief as he saw Scaramouche again.
The puppet didn’t say anything, just fastened his steps to approach Kazuha and suddenly hugged him.
“It’s true,” he said. “It’s true that I always see you as Niwa. But I won’t… I won’t be seeing him in you again.”
“Okay.” Kazuha nodded, hugging Scaramouche back until the latter decided to pull away.
“Can I… can I have one selfish request, Kazuha? After this… I won’t… ask you any requests… I won’t even ask anything about settling down… I won’t—“
“Tell me.”
“Just once, can you… can you call me Kabukimono?”
Kazuha’s hand slowly stroked Scaramouche’s cheek, their eyes staring at each other before Kazuha opened his mouth, leaning closer to Scaramouche’s ear. “My dear, Kabukimono.”
“Kazuha…” Scaramouche couldn’t help but to hug him once again. “Kazuha… kazuhakazuhakazuha— I’m sorry.”
In front of him is Kaedehara Kazuha now.
Definitely not someone else.
It’s only him, and Kazuha… for now, and for later.
Just the two of them.