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“I don’t know who’s taking a bigger beating me or him.”
Tab eyed Luz casually smoking in front of him. How could he be so passive listening to the jeering and the painful grunts and the dull thuds of fists against flesh.
“I should put a stop to this,” he slapped the deck of cards as more taunting and jerking echoed into the hall.
Luz opened his mouth to respond but it was left hanging as they both turned to the other door as your shouting voice grew louder as you neared. Tab and Luz stood as the bang echoed into the foyer staring as Captain Speirs strode in with you trying to keep up close behind.
“…already dead! Killing him won’t bring anyone else back!”
“Y/N get back to the hospital.”
Speirs’ voice was loud and anyone smarter would’ve obeyed. He spoke without looking back at you. His steps cold and calculated.
“It won’t change anything that’s happened!” you yelled still only footsteps behind
“Where is he?” Speirs bellowed, his voice reverberating back to him.
The two men stared at both of your clothes smeared with blood and your hands still stained red.
Sergeant Lipton was the one who found you in yours’ and Chuck’s shared quarters but it was Tab who had to tell you Chuck had been shot. Lipton held you when you collapsed. You were both so close to going home unharmed. You refused to cry collecting yourself and demanding they bring you to the infirmary to see him.
“Where is he!”
Speirs’ voice echoed again around them. Tab and Luz pointed to the glass door. You and Speirs saw the mob through the paned glass.
“You let the men have him? Jesus Christ, Captain! They’ve probably already killed him.”
You charged forward but felt the iron grasps on the back of your arms. Speirs pulled you back away and pushed you you towards Luz.
“Captain!”
“Hey!”
They both protested as you stumbled into them. Luz wrapping a protective arm around you.
“Y/N is Grant dead?” Tab whispered quietly.
You felt your chest tighten at the question. You looked into Tab’s eyes. He’d had enough. You’d all had enough. There wasn’t supposed to be any more blood. Any more pain. Any more uncertainty of who would still be alive come morning.
You heard more jeering and Speirs’ heavy footsteps moving towards the voices.
“Just let the MP’s take care of it! You don’t have to do this,” you begged turning back to Speirs and shrugging away from Luz’s arms.
You left the operating room after the surgeon said he’d done all he could. Speirs watched you approach broken and defeated. A replacement burst in and said the shooter had been captured by Bull and brought back to HQ.
Speirs looked back at you. The blood smears on your skin and arms. It had been months since your uniform had looked this way. It was supposed to be over. Death wasn’t supposed to be this close anymore.
You saw him inhale deeply and you knew. Death in the form of the man in front of you was to claim one more this night.
He didn’t stop you as you jumped into the Jeep next to him. He let you beg and scream yourself hoarse as you tried to reason with him. Cold eyes forward, he drove.
“Luz get her out of here.”
You saw his hand rest on the sidearm at his hip. Luz wrapped one arm around you trying to shepherd you away. You dug your heels in turning back to the mob.
“Is this him?”
The mob stilled and parted. You caught a glimpse of the bloody face that had threatened to take away so much from you. He hung off the chair barely conscious from the anger and hate of their fists. Despite everything you felt he had taken from you, you pitied him. The war had broken his soul and turned him into a monster. For that you couldn’t fault him.
“That’s him,” you heard Bull answer.
Luz arms grew stronger trying to shield you.
“Let me go,” you tried to push away but he was firm. Tab had joined him blocking your view.
“Where’s the weapon?”
They both turned towards Speirs’ voice their hold on you going slack. You took their lapse to get away running towards the bloodshed.
“What weapon?“ the monster spat back.
Speirs reared the pistol back and struck the man so hard blood and spit shot from his mouth and splattered you as entered. You flinched feeling the warm spray like venom.
“Y/N?” someone called to you. You could hear the fear. You wouldn’t leave Chuck if he was alive. They knew that. You knew that. What your hell were you doing here. Even you couldn’t answer.
This wasn’t your place. Not amongst these men. Not so visibly defying the man you kept your eyes on. You only fixed the broken men. You were never supposed to be there when they were broken.
Speirs looked at you again. The blood on your neck and face clouded him. He pulled back on the barrel and aligned his shot. The other men all looked away. Too afraid to watch but still too angry or too afraid of their Captain to stop him
“Y/N. Get out of here.”
His words were slow. Each word punctuated on its own. You felt a hand on your forearm begging you to look away too. You had seen men die. Thousands of them. You saw the moment when life left them. In the confines of the military hospitals it was inevitable. But never had you seen a life be taken.
“Another dead body won’t bring anyone else back. This won’t undo what’s already been done.”
There was a slight tremor in his hand but his finger still rested on the trigger ready to fire.
“Please, Ron.”
You stepped forward putting yourself back in his line of sight. You had only used his first name once. One night of anguish and passion in Normandy. You’d seen enough but it was still never ending. Red and pain all around you. He found you. He held onto you. You just needed something good and beautiful to tether you before the war broke you too. For a short time he was yours.
You tried to be the same for him. You heard the rumors. What he had done to the prisoners. Hate seemed to cloud his eyes. You were worried the war had already broken him too. His choice to further distance himself no matter how you begged for him to come back only confirmed your fears.
He was already gone.
“Please, just let this be it.”
Your own hands trembled as it reached for his and the gun still clasped tight. You remember how it felt warm in yours once. Now it was cold and a stranger threatening to take once more.
“Let this be the end. Please.”
The broken man let out another cough and more blood trickled down the corner of his mouth. This monster was defeated long before the night’s events.
You felt Speirs’ hand leave your grasp as he lowered the gun.
“Have the MP’s take care of this piece of shit. Get him out of my sight.”
Speirs let out a long exhale as he watched the monster get carried away. He turned avoiding your eyes walking back towards the door.
“Is Grant dead?” Tab stared at his Captain just wanting to know if he had lost one more friend tonight.
“Kraut doctor says he’ll make it.”
A collective sigh seemed to escape the men at the news. Speirs continued back towards the front door.
“Sergeant Talbert, get Y/N back to Grant.”
He continued out without sparing you even a glance back.
*************************
Chuck was going to be okay. That’s all you needed to know. It had been a little over two weeks once he had been shot and the German doctors seemed to be pleased with his progress. Liebgott translated when he was free to visit and told you the doctor said they wouldn’t know the extent of the damage until he was fully conscious but he was alive and for right now that was all you needed. Chuck would let out soft mumbles, usually your name. He’d quiet when you squeezed his right hand. He couldn’t feel you in his left. A worry for better days. You’d whisper quiet reassurances that you were there until he’d calm.
Your mother always used to tell you that you would find exactly what you need when you least expect it. You always thought that applied to physical things. The book you misplaced yesterday. The glove you found in a pocket months after the snow melted. You didn’t know it would be the once in a lifetime love you meet in passing and don’t think about until you finally hold each other.
You met Chuck after moving into Aldbourne with the other medical units. You barely remembered the sandy brown hair and kind blue eyes nodding at you politely as you passed. You were far too intrigued by the other man that passed before him. Chiseled face, dark hair with a soft curl, and those blue eyes that somehow reminded you of fire. Every other man was left a blur in his wake.
You never could quite pinpoint what you meant to Speirs. He ignored the other nurses but attention from him was never more than a few short words, a longer stare, and maybe an odd trinket he picked up from somewhere. He would go weeks without acknowledging you and you would pine until the next time. Then came the war. The night where maybe, just maybe he did feel something for you too. Then came the distance. The rumors. The blue eyes that seemed alight were now cold for you as well. There was never an explanation of what changed. What anything meant. It was as if you stopped existing to him.
It was only one of many things that broke you.
One heavy night in Holland, you’d seen enough and nothing you did seemed enough. They kept dying around you. You hands felt cursed.
You stepped out of the hall turned hospital and into the empty alleyway. They told you during training to never let the boys see you cry. Your heart was too heavy that night. Their faces stayed with you all the time. At night when you slept you heard their cries. It was just too much. You let go. Alone and in the dark, you let go.
Chuck found you. His company had just been pulled off the line and were getting sent back to France. They were resting in the building next door. He’d followed your shape in the window. He’d remembered you from Aldbourne. Chuck called to you softly. You tried to calm yourself. They’re not supposed to see you cry.
Chuck stayed with you through the night. He held you and calmed you. When your sobs turned to sniffles he talked and told you funny stories he knew until you smiled again. He confessed he’d remembered you from that first meeting in Aldbourne when he was all but a blur to you. You felt guilty but right next to him, staring into the blue eyes still filled with life and light, you understood your mother’s words. He was like a missing half that made you feel whole.
In the morning, before he left the line, he promised he’d wait for you in France. When your unit was eventually taken off the line a week later and brought to Mourmelon, Chuck found you in your barracks and held you again. Your first date was a week long furlough to Paris together. He booked a room with two beds and left the room to give you privacy so you could bathe. You only spent half the night alone. You awoke to soft but panicked mumbles in the dark. Chuck jerked slightly when you approached but he calmed and stilled as your hand found his. You held him through the night, waking in the morning still wrapped in your arms. The next night, Chuck did the same when you dreamt of broken bodies. He was a beautiful light to you. The darkness never seemed to cloud his heart the way it threatened yours. He was your tether.
Your time together was cut short by the news from the Ardennes. Chuck and his company were sent to Bastogne first. Your unit followed soon after. Chuck never left the forest and he begged you to never enter in his sparse letters. He refused to leave his men and everyday you prayed your light was safe. You recognized the same broken look in all the men that left the forest wounded. Would Chuck carry the same dead eyes?
Safe in Hagenau, you finally saw Chuck again. His eyes were tired and sunken, but at the sight of you his light came back. You ran to him. You didn’t care what officers saw. He took you in his arms lifting you and taking in your warmth. You kissed him and held him so happy just to know he was alive.
Over his shoulder you saw Speirs. You never knew him to be a petty or vindictive man. He never even gave any indication that he cared or even thought about you after England. The way he watched the two of you. You saw the darkness you only heard rumors of. It frightened you especially the way he stared at Chuck’s back. When you found out Chuck was going on that patrol that night you weren’t sure if he was punishing you or Chuck.
Chuck made it back unharmed himself but they’d lost one man. The next morning you and Chuck were sitting together on the broken stair outside your billet. Sink wanted another patrol tonight. The same men would go, including Chuck. Your hands wrapped around each other’s and your heads tucked together. You held him tighter as time ticked on.
You heard the footsteps and knew it would be him. He eyed you both, particularly the way your hands held each other. He greeted you as expected and told Chuck the meeting for tonight’s patrol was to start. Speirs gave you your privacy as you said your goodbyes. When your eyes met his the darkness was gone. He and Chuck walked away together in silence.
The patrol was called off. You light was safe and after that morning, Speirs seemed to take a liking to Chuck. Chuck was rarely sent out on any more patrols. He was given tasks and duties that kept him away from any perceived danger. Chuck was even personally chosen to go with Captain Speirs and be amongst the first to raid the Eagles Nest.
In Austria, Chuck gifted you a velvet jewelry box filled with priceless gems and precious stones and all the gold, silver, and diamonds you never thought possible of owning. He let slip it was Speirs who found the jewelry box first and gave it Chuck. Chuck told you to pick one of the rings and you settled on the ornate diamond with pale blue sapphires inlaid on each side. It reminded you of Chuck’s eyes and his effervescent light. It looked so elegant against the silver band. Chuck took it and dropped to one knee, proposing next to the Austrian lake.
You stared down at the ring as he slipped it onto your finger. It was loose and he promised to set it right when you returned home. You were so close to going home. You both had the points. Your plans were set. He would go with you first to y/hometown. He’d meet your parents and then you would go with him back to California. You were already thinking about the big wedding you wanted to have surrounded by all your friends and family and all his brothers. Chuck would open his little shop and buy you the big house with kids and cats and dogs running around. It was all so close.
Now your ring lay on the bedside table next to Chuck’s hospital bed. You were finishing up with the dressing change. His eyes were kept covered and Chuck was fast asleep again. You only left his side to shower and change, making sure one of his brothers was there to keep him company. They would read to him or talk to him. Sometimes they’d help you move him or change his dressing if they could stomach it. Sleep and meals were always next to him in case he called for you.
You heard the heavy calculated footsteps approaching and without turning you knew who it was. It had been a few day since his last visit. He only stayed a few minutes just to make sure Chuck was recovering and then leave. His eyes would stay on Chuck as he spoke never turning to you.
“How is he?”
Speirs stood at the foot of Chuck’s bed staring down at him. His face was the same as always. Cold and unreadable. If he cared about Chuck or anyone or anything at all you couldn’t tell.
“Recovering. His speech is getting better. The doctors want to take him off some of the drugs. He’ll be in more pain but he’ll be conscious. They’ll have a better idea of his injuries that way,” you tossed away the bandages and went to the sink to wash your hands.
“I assume they’ll be sending him back to England to recover first,” his eyes stayed on Chuck. They only moved from Chuck’s head when your hands interlaced with his.
“Once they have a better idea of things, yes.”
“Good, I still don’t trust these kraut doctors.”
Without another word or greeting he turned to leave the room once again satisfied that Chuck would be okay.
“Captain Speirs,” you called before he reached the doorway.
He stopped but still kept his back to you. His hand resting on the door frame.
“I never thanked you,” you started. “I never thanked you for finding the surgeon. You saved Chuck’s life. He respects you. He thinks you’re a great leader. I knew you respected him as one of your men. I just didn’t know you’d go so far for him. So, thank you. I feel like I owe you so much.”
Your voice felt breathy speaking to him. You hadn’t yet cried for Chuck and everything that happened too focused on his recovery. You didn’t cry when it seemed Speirs feelings for you had turned. What was there to mourn when there was nothing lost to begin with. Why was it threatening to pour out now.
“He’s a good soldier and an even better man. You deserve that. You deserve the better man.”
Speirs turned back to look at you. Gone was his darkness and the clouds within. You remembered those eyes. Walking around Aldbourne as the paratroopers arrived. Your eyes met his as he passed. Then months and months later, when you thought you might break, those eyes kept you together. They brought you back. You only wished you could’ve done the same for him.
“Y/N,” you both turned and saw Chuck shift on the bed slightly.
Blinking you felt a single tear roll down your cheek. His hand reached up before yours could even react. His fingers were cold and callused. You remembered the way they wiped your tears away the first time. The tender way they brushed your hair out of your face. His thumb trailed down your cheek pausing on your chin for just a second.
You opened you mouth to speak. You never knew what had changed between you. He never offered an explanation and you never sought one out. What could you say now?
“Go be with Chuck, Y/N.”
Without another word he walked out of the hospital room. You heard Chuck call for you again softly. Returning to his bedside, you held onto his hand feeling his grip desperate for yours. You placed a gentle kiss on the back to calm him and laid your forehead against it. Silently, you wept for everything this war had taken from you.