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"Odasakuuuuuuuuu!"
A familiar, jubilant voice caught Oda's ears nearly the instant he stepped outside. Turning in its direction, he soon enough saw the small, dark figure running towards him along the sidewalk, that would have been invisible in the night if it weren't for the colorful lights, and the objects that he held.
"Dazai. Fancy meeting you here."
"I know, right? To think we'd be shopping in the same area, on the same night!" Dazai exclaimed breathlessly as he came to a stop, struggling to balance his load. He was carrying a delicate stack of several brightly wrapped packages that was tall enough to reach his face, and seemed to be quite heavy. "I'm not surprised to see you here though, in hindsight. As for me, I wish I could be doing anything else. You’re buying presents for the kids, right?”
"Yeah. Why are you here?" Oda asked curiously, a hand already reaching out to offer help, his own gifts easily carried in a bag over his shoulder. "Let me take some of those for you."
"Ahhh, I can't, but thanks, Odasaku," Dazai laughed apologetically, stepping back out of reach. "I'm here on the Boss' orders with him and Miss Elise, getting Christmas presents for her. They're somewhere back there" – he gestured vaguely behind himself in the darkness with his head – "and I can't leave them waiting for too long, or they'll surely make a fuss."
An exasperated sigh escaped his lips, and Oda let his hand drop to his side, frowning. "I see." He didn't see at all, truly, why the Boss would task Dazai with something so mundane, that was much more suited for someone of his own status, of all people, but there was nothing for it. "How much longer will you be shopping?"
"I don't know; who knows how long it will take until the little spoiled princess is satisfied, but I just want it to be over already," Dazai lamented, regaining a tighter grip on the presents. "They've been dragging me around everywhere for hours, and it's so cold, and everything is too bright, and I'm tired, and I've never understood the obsession with this Christmas thing, anyway; it's all just one big exhausting commercialized performance that we're supposed to put everything on hold for for an entire month, and somehow everyone just eats it up...!"
Oda remained silent, as Dazai continued to ramble. He wasn’t wearing anything more than his usual suit and loose Mafia coat, and Oda could see the boy clearly shivering in the bitter winter air, the strain of the packages' weight adding to his shaking and their size nearly swallowing his small frame. His single unbandaged eye was barely visible above them, half-lidded with the familiar weariness that was always present, but seemed even more noticeable now.
After an uncertain amount of time had passed, Oda heard himself speak.
"If it's not too late, would you like to meet up at our usual spot once you're finished?"
The change was instantaneous.
"Really?!"
Dazai's head shot up to stare at him over the highest box, his eye reflecting the glow of the nearby lights, shining with excitement.
"That sounds like an excellent idea…!"
He cheered as if he had been invited to an elaborate party, and not merely yet another ordinary night at the bar.
Somehow, it made Oda's heart ache.
"...Alright then. I'll be waiting there for you."
He nodded, resisting the urge to again reach out as Dazai's own exuberant nodding caused him to almost lose his balance. "I'll be there as soon as I can; I really am going to die without even trying to if this takes too much longer. Be sure to get me something during your shopping too, won’t you, Odasaku?"
"What would you like?"
"Hmm... A stronger rope for hanging, I suppose!"
"I'll see what I can do."
"You're the best, Odasaku!" Dazai shot him a grin to the side of the gift pile, turning away. "I'll see you later, then!" With that, he tottered off down the sidewalk in the direction he had come from, miraculously dropping nothing, until Oda could no longer see him.
"A rope, huh..."
Such a Dazai thing to ask for.
He stood there for a moment longer in the cold, brows still furrowed, replaying the last few minutes in his mind.
(how happy he was to receive so little, as if it were so new, even though it was the same after same countless times before.)
Oda forced himself to move, heading down the street in the opposite direction, on the lookout for another toy store. He had something for nearly all of the kids, but Kousuke still needed a gift, a task that proved notably more difficult when the eldest boy found an interest in subjects that Oda would have much preferred he stay out of. With such in mind, he sighed to himself as he continued his search, a troublesome weight still heavy on his stomach.
A little while later, walking out of another store, he unexpectedly came upon Dazai again.
The youngest Port Mafia executive was standing in front of a window, arms noticeably emptier, and didn't notice Oda's arrival. He seemed to be oblivious to anything at all, truly, as his gaze was fully fixated on something on display in the store: from his vantage point, Oda could see that it was a large music box. To call it simply that would have been a disservice, however, as it was more mechanical work of art than box, with many elaborate, gleaming, beautiful moving parts, that must have captured Dazai’s attention. Standing a ways away, Oda could just barely make out his expression reflected in the glass.
It was unlike any he had ever seen Dazai wear – utterly captivated, awed, could have almost been considered yearning. If not for his pitch-black mafia garb and bandages, if Oda hadn't known any better, he would have merely appeared like a child.
(like any other innocent child, gazing at the toy he most longed to receive for Christmas.)
"Dazai-sannnnnnn! Hurry up already!"
A shrill voice suddenly came from somewhere in the distance, and the spell was instantly broken. Dazai hastily turned, running off in the direction of the call. "Coming, Miss Elise...!"
Oda watched him go yet again. The image of Dazai's face of childlike wonder, bathed in the glow of the store lights, remained burned within his mind.
Then, he turned around, opening the door to the shop once more.
Not long after Oda had been waiting at the bar did Dazai arrive.
"Whew, I'm finally freeeee!"
The boy stretched as he staggered down the stairwell, throwing off his coat and sliding onto his usual seat. "The Boss let you off the hook?" Oda asked, moving his belongings and food out of the other's way.
"Miss Elise got just as bored and cold as I was the whole time eventually, so at that point she'd had enough, and she's always the one in charge around him, you know. I had to lug all that stuff back to the office with them, which was even more exhausting, but at least I'm finally here."
Oda watched him rub at his arms, Dazai practically basking in the warmth of the bar. "Why were you asked to help with that, anyway?"
"Who can say? The whims of the Boss are known to no one... He needed another pair of arms, and he just likes torturing me especially, I guess."
"Seems odd for her to be present at her own Christmas gift shopping, doesn't it?" Oda pointed out, taking a sip of his drink.
"Again, who knows? All logic goes out the window for him when it comes to Elise... Whatever she says goes. She probably wanted to make sure he bought her every single thing she wanted… and not anything she didn’t want."
"Probably."
Dazai pulled a face, sighing as he ordered his usual drink. "Let's not talk about it anymore; I'm glad to be done with it."
"Fine by me."
Turning his attention back to his sashimi plate, Dazai eyed it curiously. “I’ve never seen you eat anything here before… Anything other than curry anywhere, for that matter.”
“Yeah, I thought I might check out more of the menu, since it’s a special occasion,” Oda said, taking a bite. “I do eat things other than curry, you know… Like your ‘peppy hot pot’ we had, for example.”
He almost winced the moment the words left his mouth, as he recalled the memory – or lack thereof, as he and Ango had somehow completely blocked out the days after eating Dazai’s special concoction. Still, Dazai had derived great pleasure from the whole ordeal, so it could hardly have been called a waste.
“Ooh, I completely forgot about that! I should try something here too; I need more inspiration for my next miracle hot pot!”
Yes, it would definitely be happening again.
As Dazai pored over the menu studiously, Oda let his thoughts travel to the results of his shopping. He had settled on at least two presents for each of the children, which was more than they had received last Christmas, but he still couldn’t help but worry if it was enough. They were certainly spoiled as much as he could afford throughout the months they had been in his care, so receiving gifts was hardly new for them, albeit more elaborate and thoughtfully chosen ones this time. But they still reeked of mindless distractions meant to keep their owners occupied – what the children truly needed was more time spent with him, something Oda desperately wished he could provide, knowing that no amount of material objects would make up for a life stuck together in a single, cramped room, with no real access to the world outside. Such could hardly be called a life at all, and he hated the thought of continuing to deprive them them for the rest of an unforeseeable future, until he was able to abandon the Mafia.
The orphans deserved more: someone who could bring a change of pace, and excitement, who understood them. Someone such as–
“Well, it’s no crab, but close enough, I guess!”
Oda was pulled out of his reverie at the sound of the barkeep placing Dazai’s order in front of him. Despite his apparent uncertainty, the boy’s mouth was watering and his eye shining as he stared down at his meal, a colorful potpourri of seafood, cheeses, fruits and salad. He wasted no time in going straight for the tuna.
“Man… we should splurge here more often…!”
Oda couldn’t help a small smile, at the sight of it. It was rare to see Dazai able to experience something new, let alone something he seemed to truly enjoy, even if it would only last for a short while.
“Perhaps we should.”
He watched him eat as he continued with his own meal in silence, mind endlessly wandering.
It wasn’t long before more company arrived.
“What a surprise. Look who I found here.”
Oda glanced up to meet familiar bespeckled eyes, their owner’s wry smirk and tone indicating that he was very much not surprised at all.
“Ango…!”
Dazai waved excitedly to the third member of their group. “Aww, how nice of you to want to come visit us on this fine holiday evening!”
“You always just happen to be here, that’s all,” Ango huffed, dusting himself off. “I never come here with the intention of meeting anyone. I just like this place.”
His expression was unchanged, however, as he took off his coat. Oda said nothing, turning back to his meal, and Dazai did the same, wearing a smile of his own.
"Of course."
That was how it had always been, after all. No matter how often they encountered each other here.
(like ships in the night, convening together under the same roof time and time again without meaning to… And yet…)
"Come join us," Oda heard himself say. Nodding, Ango silently obliged, moving towards the seat left of him. As he passed Dazai, the luxurious green gift bag in his arms instantly drew the boy's attention, his eye alight with eagerness.
"Were you out shopping too, Ango? Is that for me?!"
"Why would it be for you, of all people," Ango sighed, placing the bag atop the bar. "It took me hours to find something suitable.... I honestly didn't think I'd succeed, or have the time for Christmas shopping."
"Well then, who is it for?" Dazai demanded, placing his chin in his hand. "Odasaku's presents are for his orphans, but I've never seen you buy any sort of gifts, Christmas or not, and you specifically brought it here. Therefore, it must be for me!"
"It's not for you. I only have it now because I came straight here afterwards."
"Boooo. Fine then, keep your secrets."
As Dazai pouted, Oda stared at the bag, his own curiosity piqued. Although they rarely discussed their pasts, there was unspoken knowledge between the three of them that he and Dazai had no family; Ango's family, however, was a mystery. As sentimental as he could be, it was hard to picture someone as strict about his work as Ango taking time out of his busy schedule to find gifts for someone, but perhaps more accurately, there had never been any indication that he had anyone in his life to do so for. More likely than not, there was no such person.
After all, with exceptions, one didn’t join the Mafia unless they were very much alone. But if that were the case, then…
"I see both of you decided to indulge yourselves tonight," Ango pointed out, changing the subject.
"Yep!" Dazai exclaimed, his attention quickly diverted. "You simply have to try the sashimi, Ango! I need to add something like this into my next hot pot recipe!"
"I'm not coming anywhere near whatever new monstrosity you cook up, thank you very much," Ango muttered, reaching for the menu as he turned to look at Oda. "So, what did you find for your children, Odasaku-san?"
"It's nothing special," he replied, eyeing his pile of purchases as he drank. "A new baseball glove and ball for Katsumi, since his current ones are rather worn. Some new books in some series Shinji's been reading. A couple new video games for Yuu I thought he might like, based on his other ones. A stuffed bear and an art set for Sakura. It’s always impossible for me to shop for Kousuke, but I found some miniature racecars and trains; hopefully they satisfy him, and keep him occupied from his… other interests…”
He trailed off, suddenly noticing Ango's soft gaze. When he turned to glance at Dazai, the other wore a similar expression.
"What is it...?"
"It's just, you say it's nothing special, but it seems like you've put a lot of thought into it," Ango said quietly, accepting his order from the barkeep. "I'm sure they'll be very happy on Christmas morning."
"It's the least they deserve. I didn't even do anything different for them the other years, so this will be their first time celebrating Christmas with me... For some of them, their first time ever."
"They are very lucky to have you, then."
"...No." Oda shook his head, his throat tightening. "Luck would be if I’d never had to take them in at all.”
There was no response, aside from a small sound from Dazai. He seemed as if he wanted to say something, but merely curled his arms around his food and drink, face hidden from view.
It's just the truth.
He had thought about it endlessly, the guilt weighing on his heart. No matter how much he spoiled them, how fleetingly happy they seemed, and how much hope he had for their futures, none of it could compare to the lives they deserved to have with their birth families, free from the horrors that had ripped those very lives apart. Nothing Oda could ever do would be enough, not when he was constantly putting them at risk just by knowing them – not when what they deserved most of all was to never have known him to begin with.
(what did he ever think he was doing, trying to play father? Much as he wanted to believe he tried, as much as they were his world, there was nothing he could give that meant more than freedom from the horrors of the Mafia, no, nothing at all—)
"...Still, their lives are infinitely brighter touched by you than if you had never found them, Odasaku-san."
Ango finally spoke, his expression strange, almost pleading. Dazai remained motionless, saying nothing at all.
Oda looked down at his food, eyes strangely hot.
It was right, of course. The children would have died horrible deaths if he hadn’t come across them, and given them a new home. That was the undeniable fact of the matter.
"……I suppose so."
(he always felt so helpless, though. So helpless, and so powerless, when he was nobody at all.)
They continued eating in silence, saying nothing more.
Eventually, the tense atmosphere, to Oda’s relief, slowly dissipated. The topic changed to Christmas, and the oddities and frustrations of the season. Dazai regaled further tales of woe of his shopping trip with Elise and the Boss, and stories were shared of their recent work in general, as was customary. The discussions lasted late into the night, this time with a rare feast to top them off.
Dazai, meanwhile, remained insistent on stealing Ango's gift.
"Come onnnn! You're being so secretive about who it's for, or what it is; it MUST be for me!"
"What kind of logic is that??" Ango rubbed his forehead in exasperation, clutching his empty whiskey glass. "...If you honestly want it that badly, then fine, by all means, take it. I wasn't even sure if it was the right buy anyway."
"Wait, really?!"
"Yes."
"Finally, I score a Christmas victory!! You're the best, Ango...!"
Oda raised an eyebrow as Dazai hopped off the stool, skipping around to hug a disgruntled Ango. The older man grumbled weak protests, trying to push the boy off, but they seemed to be only halfhearted attempts, as he eventually gave in, Dazai's expression joyful as his arms tightened around the other.
Though it was subtle on Ango’s face, he could almost see a smile.
"Alright, alright, just take it already, Dazai-kun."
Dazai laughed, pulling away as he dragged the shiny green gift bag to his side of the bar, returning to his seat. "I've been a good kid this year; this is what I deserve!"
“Naturally…”
The two watched as Dazai dug into the bag with vigor, tossing the wads of tissue paper haphazardly onto the counter. When his hand finally reached whatever was at the bottom, his eye widened. "Oh!"
Out of the bag came a long, thick piece of fabric, colored a deep azure. Dazai raised the ends up from side to side, utterly enamored, and Oda soon realized it was meant to be a scarf. "Oh my, how lovely! Such sturdy material... I'll succeed in hanging myself with this for sure!"
"That is NOT what it's for," Ango scolded, veins practically popping out of his temple. "Dear God, I should have known you'd say that."
He stood up from his own seat, walking past Oda and plucking the scarf out of Dazai's hands. "It's a scarf. It would serve you well, considering that I've never seen you with any clothing equipped for the winter, and you always seem.... so cold."
The harsh edge in his voice trailed off, softening, as he spiraled the fabric around Dazai's shoulders and neck, until it was wrapped high and snugly enough to cover his mouth and nose. "It's good quality..... It will keep you warm, Dazai-kun."
"Oh..."
Dazai blinked, sobering instantly, as his unbandaged eye stared down at the scarf, hands curiously grasping it. He squeezed at the fabric, rubbing his fingers along it, as though he had never known anything so soft and warm.
"...I see."
An indescribable mixture of emotions welled up on his face. It was an expression that Oda rarely saw, but always left the familiar ache in his heart.
(the same vulnerability he had seen reflected in the store window, with all the youth the boy could never show.)
"......Do you the two of you want to come spend Christmas with me and the kids?"
Oda didn't know if it was minutes or hours before he voiced the words. He hadn't even realized he was speaking them at all, truly, but before he knew it, they had left his mouth.
"...Huh?"
Ango's fond eyes widened, as he turned towards Oda in surprise. Dazai was slower to react, almost as if he were in a trance.
"Well... It wouldn't be as interesting with just us. There's plenty of food, and they already know Dazai. ...And I don't imagine either of you have anything else to do on Christmas yourselves."
Don't have anyone else to spend it with.
The unspoken words hung painfully in the air as Oda waited, forcing out a small smile that he hoped was welcoming. Ango hesitated, exchanging a glance with Dazai, the silence lasting a few moments more.
“…I’m not very good with children, Odasaku-san. Would they even like me?”
“Of course. They consider any friend of mine a friend of theirs.”
There was the sound of a quiet breath, as Oda suddenly realized what he had said.
Friend.
“……I’d love to, Odasaku.”
Dazai’s voice was soft, yet determined. Hands buried in the scarf, emotions still flickered on his face, but chiefly among them was joy.
(true, real joy, realer than everything Dazai ever let one see.)
“…In that case, then, I will also accept.”
Ango nodded, smiling shyly, as Dazai did as well. Oda gazed between them, taking in their expressions.
“All right, then.”
His gaze caught on a present hidden in the back of his pile, heart and mind made up.
“It’s settled.”
When Oda opened the children's door on Christmas morning, he could scarcely believe his eyes.
"Odasaku-saaaan...!!"
"Merry Christmas!"
"Look, look– !"
Yuu and Kousuke instantly bombarded him, hugging his legs, but he hardly noticed. Rather, Oda’s attention was drawn to the far end of the room, beside the miniature Christmas tree under which their wrapped presents sat, between it and the leftmost bunk beds.
"Who–"
There, barely squeezed into the cramped space, was a gigantic, life-sized stuffed bear. It was tall enough to nearly reach the ceiling, and large enough that the three other children were practically climbing over it, Sakura clinging happily to its foot, Katsumi scrambling his way up the head, and Shinji rubbing his face over its fur in apparent bliss.
"Did you get this for us, Odasaku-san? It's HUGE...!"
Yuu shook him, pulling him out of his bewildered trance. He glanced down at the two children beneath him for a few moments, unable to resist their grins, as he slowly reciprocated the hug. "Merry Christmas, Yuu, Kousuke."
Raising back up, Oda stared once again at the scene before him in confusion, pushing the boys gently away with his hands. "Stay here; I'll be right back. You can open your other presents when I return."
"Yay...!"
Without further hesitation, Oda turned around and opened the door, exiting the room again. The cold air assaulted his face as soon as he stepped outside, but he paid it no mind, making his way back into the restaurant proper. As soon as he locked eyes with the owner, it was instantly clear the older man knew exactly far more than he had previously let on.
"Pops, in the kids' room, there's a–"
"It's not from me," Pops interrupted, smirking, still paying half-attention to his cooking. "It was there when I woke up this morning; their ecstatic racket over it told me as much."
Oda frowned. The bear was massive enough to obviously be quite expensive; not something either of them would have purchased. But if that were the case, it left concerning implications. "Well, I didn't get it for them. If it was neither of us, then who put it there, and how...?"
"Must have been Santa Claus, is the only explanation."
Pops snickered, strangely lighthearted about the situation, and Oda raised an eyebrow, more bewildered than ever that the chef was being so clearly intentionally cryptic. "What do you mean?"
It was then that he suddenly heard the doorbell to the restaurant jingle. Before he could investigate, Pops gave a knowing glance behind him, a twinkle in his eye. "Oh, I'm sure one of them might have an idea about it."
Blinking, Oda turned around, and was greeted with the sight of none other than Ango and Dazai. Ango was thoroughly bundled up in thick winter gear, standing awkwardly in the entryway, a new gift bag hanging loosely from his hands. Dazai, however, was dressed exactly the same as always, hands held lazily behind his head and his gaze wandering idly around the restaurant, discreetly hiding a small bag of his own behind himself.
"You're here."
It was a foolish thing to say, and Oda wasn't sure why he was so surprised, when he himself had invited them. But he nonetheless couldn't help the smile that crept upon his face at the sight, his worry over the bear momentarily forgotten. "I'm glad you came.
"Merry Christmas."
Though Ango appeared tense, it seemed to ease at Oda's words, as he let show a small, nervous smile. "Merry Christmas."
Subtly, the intelligence officer nudged Dazai, who had been uncharacteristically aloof ever since their arrival. His mysterious gaze quickly shifted to Oda, then to Pops, and then, albeit so briefly one could nearly miss it, to the ceiling.
"...Merry Christmas, Odasaku."
He spoke quietly, the boy's expression soft, almost shy, yet also containing something else that Oda couldn't quite recognize. He thought back to the last few minutes, to Pops' words, and again to Dazai's demeanor – and suddenly, it all fell into place.
"Dazai, did you...?"
(of course he would.)
Touched, Oda trailed off, his voice breathless. It should have been obvious, in hindsight – after all, until today, Dazai was the only other person who had ever been to Freedom that knew about the children. Somehow, it almost felt shameful to not have considered it: to consider that Dazai would be so generous, despite his cold, bloody reputation to the rest of the world who knew him, when Oda had always seen such vastly opposite sides of him at Lupin, and here.
Dazai was kind; that much he knew. But still, to think that he had gone this far...
(to think that a Port Mafia executive would do so much for the likes of–)
"Alright then! Let's go and start the festivities, shall we...?!"
Before he could continue, Dazai abruptly let out a cheer, his usual exuberant energy returning in a flash, as he grabbed hold of Oda's and a flustered Ango's hands, pulling them both towards the door. As he was led out of the restaurant, momentarily caught off-guard, Oda locked eyes with Pops a final time, who gave him a smug, yet affectionate, wink.
Unbelievable...
Smiling weakly, his heart warm and overwhelmed, Oda allowed himself to be led back up towards the children’s room.
The instant the door was opened, the children wasted no time in making themselves known.
"Dazai-san, it's you!!"
"Dazai-san...!"
"Merry Christmas, Dazai-san!"
"Yes, yes, it's me," Dazai laughed amongst the chorus of voices, leaning down and lifting Sakura into his arms as she ran to him. "Merry Christmas! I hope you've all been good to Odasaku, so that you got lots of presents today from him and Santa...!"
He looked every bit in his element, as if it hadn't been a day since he had last visited. When Oda had first introduced them to each other, the Mafia executive had been wary, reclusive, and unsure of how to treat the children, not knowing how to connect with them. But after enough visits, he had slowly come out of his shell and learned to fit in, Dazai's boyish youth and near-boundless energy being right at home amongst the rambunctious orphans.
Whenever he spent time here, the weak light in Dazai's eye seemed to brighten. It was different from at Lupin, yet just as meaningful, and Oda found himself yearning to see it more and more, as much as he possibly could.
(if only he could rip away those wretched bandages to reveal both of those darkened eyes, to let them both drink up that light; that small, fragile happiness the child seemed so desperately devoid of.)
"Of course we have!" Kousuke exclaimed, looking to the others for affirmation, who all nodded vigorously. "There's so many presents under the tree, and we got that ginormous bear, after all!"
"It's enormous indeed...! Only the best of the best would get such a treat from Santa!"
"Dazai–"
Dazai cut him off with a look, giving a quick and subtle shake of his head, expression otherwise cheerful as he continued chatting with the children. Taken aback, Oda swallowed down his words, a surge of conflicting emotions swirling within his chest.
(yes, so very, terribly kind, even if no one ever saw it, least of all himself.)
"Who's this, Odasaku-san?"
Shinji gestured to Ango, the latter of whom had been silently and awkwardly standing in the corner of the room near the door during the greetings, clearly at a loss. Dazai grinned as he set Sakura on her feet again, and Oda quietly sighed, attempting to regain his composure. "This is Ango Sakaguchi. He is... another friend of Dazai and I's."
He would have to thank Dazai properly later, even if no one else could. Thank both of them, for being here today.
(for their friendship.)
"Everyone, please make him feel welcome today, too."
"Hello, Ango...!"
Without a second of hesitation, the children greeted Ango one by one, their usual rowdy nature put aside as they politely bowed. Ango hesitated, now uncomfortable at suddenly becoming the center of attention. "...Hello."
Sakura was the first to speak again, smiling sweetly up at the nervous man. "Merry Christmas, Ango!"
Her words seemed to soothe him, as Ango slowly relaxed, the shy, hesitant smile creeping up on his face once more. "Thank you," he murmured kindly, reaching a hand out to pat her on the head. "Merry Christmas to you, too."
His hand lingered a few moments longer, enigmatic emotions within his eyes, that seemed to gaze not at Sakura, but far away, at something Oda couldn't see. Oda watched quietly, the moment feeling somehow sacred, one which would shatter if he dared breathe and interrupt the silence.
He wanted to commit it to memory. The sights, the sounds, the emotions here, with these people, in this room – they were all to be treasured, to look back on in the future, even if that future was nothing like today.
(they were what kept him going, through the helplessness; were his reminder that it all wasn’t for naught, right here, right now.)
"…Well, we'd better get started with Christmas, shouldn't we?"
Dazai finally spoke up, placing a hand on one kid each, grinning from ear to ear. Ango nodded, more confident now, and Oda did as well, his smile coming easily.
"Indeed we should."
The rest of the day was spent in spirited, blissful joy. Dazai was able to make himself the life of the party, as he often did with the children, but even more so on Christmas, the enthusiastic and excited energy within the small room practically infectious all around. Kousuke's toy vehicles were the source of much entertainment, as were Yuu's video games. Ango became more comfortable slowly but surely, as he took an interest in Shinji's books, impressed by the child's maturity and reading level. Sakura spent much of the hours drawing, her new art set bringing forth pictures as impromptu gifts for Oda and his two guests. The giant stuffed bear remained popular, as all of the children (and even Dazai) took their turns sitting on it. And of course, Pops prepared them all a delicious feast, partly involving – to absolutely no one's surprise, and to Ango's chagrin – extra-special curry for Oda.
To Ango, Oda and Dazai gifted some records, and a new bag for his camera. Oda received a camera himself from Ango ("for the children's sake", he had said, "and all the memories that are made here."), and Dazai had thoughtfully given him a notebook and an ornate fountain pen, knowing of Oda's love for writing.
He would use both gifts in his future, once he was able to leave the Mafia and finally achieve his goals. At that house by the sea, with his proper novel, and these children, and all the happiness he dreamed of, that would be more than worth anything they endured now.
(the happiness which included–)
"Oh, there's one more present here!"
Shinji's voice rang out, after some semblance of calm had begun to settle over the room. He was squatted behind the Christmas tree, looking at a blue gift box that had been somewhat hidden from view. Pulling it out, he squinted at the tag.
"It says it's for Dazai-san."
The boy in question's head immediately shot up from Yuu's video game console. "For me?! Finally! I haven't gotten anything since Ango's scarf the other night...!"
"Yes, the scarf that you already forgot about," Ango reprimanded, halting in the middle of his weak attempt at drawing a picture. "I've told you time and time again that you need to dress warmer in the winter, and I even contributed to that end, but you showed up this morning at our meeting place dressed just like that and shivering as usual – annnnnd he's not even listening."
Ango sighed heavily, a long-familiar sound, and Oda took only a moment to pity him before turning to Dazai, whose attention was fully dedicated to getting into his present. His movements were quick, yet surprisingly neat, tearing as little of the paper as possible, and it wasn't long before he had the blank, wooden box fully unwrapped.
"Alright, let's see what's inside you..."
The moment Dazai lifted the lid, he completely froze.
"Dazai...?"
Time seemed to stop, as Dazai stared down within the box. Yuu was the first to call his name, after what felt like hours, but it had no effect, as the name's owner seemed to be utterly in a trance. His mouth was agape, lips trembling, as stunned bewilderment seemed to pour over every inch of him, arms still holding the lid of the box aloft in midair.
It was impossible to fully describe the expression on his face. Oda often found that was the case, in these rare moments, for the enigma that was Dazai.
(so hard it was to move him, and even harder to know him. But still…)
"It looks like... some kind of machine?"
Sakura inched closer, peering into the box curiously. The other children began to follow her lead, spurred on by her initiative, wanting to know the identity of the mysterious gift.
"...It's a music box."
Dazai’s sudden voice was so soft that Oda could barely hear it. He placed the lid beside him, and very slowly and carefully pulled the object out, setting it gently on the floor, as the children crowded around.
"It doesn't look like any music box I've ever seen before," Shinji observed, fascinated. "Do you know how it works, Dazai?"
There was no response. Instead, Dazai merely reached shaking hands out, feeling along the base of the contraption, until he found what he was looking for, and a small click sound could be heard.
Instantly, the machine roared to life, various golden gears and mechanical parts, different colors and even a miniaturized solar system all moving in tandem in a beautiful, artistic display. Twinkling music, as well, began to quietly play from the little device, and the children huddled around it and Dazai in starry-eyed wonder, admiring the sights and sounds.
Oda watched from his corner of the room in silence. Dazai stared at the music box, hands limply clutched in front of his chest, still entranced, yet stricken, his gaze somehow a million miles away.
"It's quite a lovely gift."
Beside him, Ango spoke softly, and smiled; the rare, fond smile that Oda had so recently seen more and more of. The words seemed to capture Dazai's attention, as he glanced slowly up, until his gaze had locked eyes with Oda.
"...It is..."
There were a thousand emotions within his eye. It was the same view he had seen when Ango had given him the scarf, and when he had invited them to spend Christmas here, yet even those paled in comparison to what Oda saw now.
(Disbelief. Confusion. Sorrow. Relief. Weakness. Gratitude. Happiness. Love; so, so much love–)
It must have been similar to what one would have seen within his heart earlier, when he had realized where the giant bear had come from.
"It's so pretty..."
(it was only right that he give at least this much, even so, so little, to the child who chose to give him everything.)
Dazai lay down on the floor as Sakura cooed in delight, resting his head on Kousuke's nearby lap as he curled around the music box. The shining lights from the moving parts reflected in his eye, much as they had in front of the store window a few nights before. His gaze was tired, yet blissfully serene, and overwhelmingly happy.
Oda said nothing at all, watching his children share the moment together as soft music played, the hours slowly passing by until it grew dark.
"I can't remember the last time I've had a day that exciting."
"That's a good thing, then!" Dazai chirped, patting Ango on the back. "You really need to get out more often."
"P-Perhaps... it doesn't hurt, every once in a while." Ango sighed, shoulders slouching as he walked. "It was exhausting, though. I don't know how you deal with them all the time, Odasaku-san."
"I had to get used to it, pretty fast."
"I can imagine..."
After Oda had seen the children to bed, bidding Pops farewell and another Merry Christmas, he had left to walk Dazai and Ango home before heading back to his own apartment. The night was as bitterly cold as always, light snow falling down, and the trio huddled together close, grateful for the extra illumination from the festive lights around each and every storefront.
"That was such a great feast... I'm stuffed..."
Dazai patted his stomach, yawning tiredly. He had taken a nap earlier, lulled to sleep by the music box (which had been left at the restaurant for safekeeping), and still hadn't fully woken up, not helped by the freezing temperature.
"...It would be wonderful to do it again some other time, wouldn't it?"
Ango's question was hesitant, but gently spoken, his gaze directed at Dazai. He placed a hand on the boy's back, and Oda could hear Dazai's breath hitch, even over the wind.
"......Yeah. Maybe."
He swayed a little, and they stopped walking, Oda instinctively placing his own hand around Dazai's shoulder. "You okay?"
"Mmhmm... Just kinda sore n' cold. Tired."
"Of course you are; anyone would be, dressed like that..." Ango sighed. "What am I going to do with you...?"
Slowly, he pulled his winter coat off, draping it snugly over Dazai's thin shoulders. Oda walked in front of Dazai, crouching down onto the sidewalk, gesturing with his hands. "Get on. I'll carry you the rest of the way to the Port Mafia building."
"I-It's not that bad," Dazai laughed sheepishly, sputtering. "And what about you, Ango? Won't you get cold?"
"I can handle one night fine; I have more meat on my bones than you. And I have plenty more coats at home; you can return that one to me the next time we meet."
The next time we meet...
"Haha... S-So you're saying I'm practically a skeleton...? How mean..."
The boy laughed again, weakly, as Oda backed up until Dazai was forced to mount him, his arms slowly encircling the older man's neck. Oda reached for his legs, then stood again to his full height, Ango fussing with the winter coat to make sure it didn't fall off.
"There."
Dazai breathed shakily, and Oda could feel him shivering. He was so light. Terribly, terribly light.
(just as light as he'd been that day he'd first met him, dying of gun wounds and blood loss.)
"...Let's go."
He held Dazai tighter, feeling him relax against his back, and they continued on in silence.
After what felt like hours of walking, Ango at last halted near a side street.
"This is my stop."
He stood beneath a streetlamp, holding onto the gift bags containing his presents, the light briefly reflecting off his glasses.
"I... I had a truly wonderful time. Thank you for having me, Odasaku-san."
He bowed, a warm smile gracing his features as he rose again.
"It was nothing. We enjoyed having you."
He spoke quietly so as not to wake Dazai. Reaching out towards him, Ango gave the boy a sympathetic pat on his hair, his smile turning sad. "I do really hope he makes use of that scarf."
"Me too."
Oda swallowed, thinking back to Ango's words from earlier, and of his own words.
"...Come meet us again next Christmas, with Dazai. Or anytime. We'll be waiting."
(they were friends.)
Ango's eyes widened in surprise, as he pulled his hand away. Then, he stepped back, smiling once again, almost bittersweetly.
"...I'd love to, I really would."
(even mere ships in the night could seek companionship, after all.)
Oda returned the smile, his heart achingly warm. "Good. Merry Christmas, Ango."
"Merry Christmas, Odasaku-san."
Ango gave a small wave, disappearing down the street, until he had completely vanished within the darkness. Dazai sighed heavily against him, and Oda hoisted him up higher, heading for his next destination.
"...We're here, Dazai. You need to wake up."
"Mmmm...?"
Dazai murmured sleepily, slowly rousing, as Oda lowered him down onto a nearby bench. He hated having to wake the boy so late at night and out in the cold, when he was clearly exhausted, but he knew he would never be allowed into even the upper floors of the Port Mafia building, let alone to the executive quarters. If it were up to Oda, he would have simply let Dazai stay with him for the night, but he had said that the Boss was expecting him the next morning. He didn't want any other mafioso to see Dazai in such a vulnerable state with him, either, not knowing what questions that might bring. Therefore, the only option was for him to return alone.
It was best not to stir things up as much as possible.
(and yet, it was so troubling, in a way he couldn't quite describe, that always left a numb, eternal, sick worry in his stomach, that only abated when Dazai was oh-so far away from here.)
"Ahhh... I fell asleep again, huh."
Dazai rubbed his eyes, blinking up at Oda in the moonlight. Oda gently pulled Ango's coat open, guiding Dazai's arms through the sleeves to wear it properly, so that he was able to fasten the buttons.
"You did. We got you here, though."
Hopefully no one would question the coat. He wasn't about to take it away from the shivering boy, even if the Mafia building was just a short ways away.
"You did get me here... I can always count on you, Odasaku, heh."
Grinning, Dazai slowly stood up, burrowing into the coat. A few minutes of silence passed as they stood together, the only sound being the occasional whistle of the wind, Christmas lights shining faintly in the distance.
"...Odasaku?"
The question was soft, and hesitant. If Oda hadn't been waiting for him to speak, he might not have heard it at all.
"Yes, Dazai?"
Another eternity of silence passed.
".........Thank you."
Dazai's voice wavered, straining, as if it took everything that the boy had to get out the two simple words. His single eye gazed up to meet his own, pleading, shimmering with an unnamed emotion that was barely held back by his faint, trembling smile.
Oda stepped forward, hugging him.
"I know."
(it wasn't just for the music box.)
"...It's okay."
He squeezed Dazai tighter, breathless, his heart aching, yet loving.
“Thank you, too.”
(for everything, every day, always.)
"...ah......"
Dazai slowly reached up, weakly clutching at Oda's back, burying his face in his chest. Small sounds reverberated from the boy, and Oda held him even tighter, praying it conveyed all that his words couldn't.
(he would hold him for the rest of time, for as long as he drew breath. As long as the child would have him.)
They stood together in the cold night, in their own little bit of warmth, until all the tears had dried.