Chapter Text
Loving Ajax hurt, but you don't regret it one bit.
Working for the Tsaritsa has made his schedule hectic, barely having any time for anything else. Despite his work schedule, you two made it work. The few weeks he'd be in town, you two would be glued to the hip. Almost always within each other's presence that no one could see one of you without seeing the other. You'd be at his house, playing with him and his younger siblings until they fell asleep and you could relax with Ajax, wrapped in blankets by the fireplace. Then the next few months, letters would be sent back and forth until the day you could hold Ajax in your arms again.
After making more than 4 years together, you and Ajax have gotten used to your long distance relationship. The excitement of being able to see each other again after way too long never faded, but now it felt...soft? Like when he's about to leave, you know you're gonna see him again. Goodbyes are replaced with an 'I'll see you soon' and when you finally hold each other again, he gives you that warm smile that says ‘I'm finally home.’
It was a gentle type of love. Sweet & Simple.
Maybe that's why it happened. It got boring.
With the limited time you have with your partner in Snezhnaya, you suggested visiting him while he's in Liyue. He, of course, was overjoyed with the suggestion and immediately started planning the trip, the places he'd take you, the time of year you should go, etc.
Now came the time you were set to board the boat bound for Liyue's port.
At first, you thought it was just some sea sickness when you first found yourself feeling dizzy and wanting to throw up, but the closer and closer you got to Liyue, it became clearer and clearer.
Your eyes widened as you stared at the yellow tulip covered in blood you coughed up. Hanahaki disease? Impossible. You were loved back by the one you love the most. He even helped set up your whole stay in Liyue so you could see him. This revelation only made your trip worse as it made you question your relationship as flower after flower escaped your lips. How could your 4, almost 5, year long relationship end like this?
By the time you got to the port of Liyue, you started to feel pain in your lungs after every cough. You still couldn't believe it. The very thought of dying by this awful disease- heck, you don't even understand how you got it in the first place.
But you were about to find out really soon.
Ajax's open arms greeted you as you walked down the ramp from the boat, a small smile adorning his face. For a moment, you forgot about the pain in your chest and jogged into his arms. After brief greetings and a long-awaited kiss, Ajax grabs your bags and leads you through the city, explaining how Liyue Harbor is preparing for this year's Lantern Rite Festival.
As you walk hand-in-hand through the city, examining the different buildings and decorations set up, his eyes land on something. But before you could look at what he was looking at, he was already dragging you there. When he finally stopped, you found yourself in the presence of someone.
Dressed in clothes you've never seen before, with blond hair and golden eyes, they stand before you. You've heard stories of the traveler mostly from Ajax, but stories about them have already been floating around Snezhnaya since the day they saved Mondstadt. Word travels fast, and with the addition of your partner's first-hand experience with them, you're quite overwhelmed to be standing there knowing what the traveler has been up against. And now, as Ajax introduces you to each other, his words fade into the background. They hold out their hand to you for a handshake and you freeze for a moment, before hesitantly shaking their hand.
This doesn't go unnoticed by your partner, quickly putting his hands on your shoulders and giving them a light squeeze. "I've told them about you," he explained to the traveler before turning to you. "You don't have to be nervous. They're a great warrior, but once you get to know them, they're really down to earth. You'll get along just fine," he whispered.
And get along you did. They were very nice and you've come to learn how they're going around Teyvat to look for their sibling. And their swordsmanship- wow did they know how to handle a blade.
When Ajax invited you to watch them spar, you noticed their abilities and strategies in trying to push the other into a corner. Despite being young, Ajax had the strength and power that really proved he deserved a spot among the Fatui Harbingers. On the other hand, the traveler was able to hold their own and push your partner back even without wielding a vision.
You noticed the thrill and admiration in the Harbinger's eyes as he continuously battles the traveler. But even after the fight, his eyes still display that same admiration for them. You had suspicions at first, especially since you've been coughing out flowers despite being with your partner, but now those suspicions are being confirmed.
The excited tone he uses when he talks about being in battle with them, inviting them when you and him were out, even asking them to meet his family in Snezhnaya. The more you noticed it, the worse your condition grew. Up to the point both of them have started to notice how easily you get tired and how often you clutch your chest when you feel your heart burn.
They've asked about it a few times but you always reassured them that it was nothing and quickly switched to a topic you all can discuss. To get their full attention away from your state, you always change the topic to something relating to fighting. As skillful fighters, both of them had a lot to say. Even Paimon joins in on the conversation, usually to brag about the traveler's greatest battles and make remarks here and there.
You'd try to get in on the conversation too, but compared to what the harbinger and the esteemed traveler had been up against, was there really something you can brag about? That thought had kept you from saying much until you were in your own bubble and they were starting to forget you were there.
Unfortunately, this happened often during your stay in Liyue which only confirmed your suspicions even more.
When Childe had some free time, he'd take you out on a date. But most of the time, it wouldn't just be you two together. If spotted by him, he'd invite the traveler with you.
"Hey traveler! Paimon! Come join us!" or "Is that the traveler and Paimon over there? Why don't we invite them to go to Luhua Pool with us tomorrow?"
On the occasions that it was indeed you two alone, he somehow always found something that reminded him of them and never forgets to mention it to you.
"When Teucer came to Liyue out of the blue, he and the traveler followed me out here while I was baptizing the batch of new recruits. You should've seen their confused faces when I started talking about toys!" and "The traveler keeps giving me these starconches for some reason. If I were to count them all, they've given me over a hundred of these shells!"
He's mentioned many times before that he and the traveler are friends, even working together if Childe had some work to do that the traveler could help with. But after everything that's happened so far, it doesn't take a scholar to figure out he's begun falling for someone else.
The final nail on the coffin was during Lantern Rite. He promised to take you out to watch the fireworks together. For a while you were sitting by the staircase, watching the crowd and trying to find Childe amongst them but he was nowhere to be found. He said he'd be there by sundown so you can explore the festivities before the firework show began, but it's been almost an hour since the sun had set and he was still nowhere to be found. Maybe this was a bad idea - coming out here while you're sick. You felt another yellow tulip rising in your throat and quickly went somewhere private to cough it out.
Looking at the bloody flower petals, you realize it, indeed, was a mistake to go out and you should’ve stayed at the hotel instead. So you made it out of the area and started to head back to your hotel.
"There you are!" A familiar voice calls. Your body was frozen as he and the traveler came up to you. "Sorry we’re late. We’ve been investigating a domain and we got lost track of time while we were examining the place. At least we’re here now, where have you been? I thought we were meeting by the docks?" He puts his arm around your shoulder as you laughed it off and hurriedly made an excuse.
Much to your dismay, they lead you back to the docks where multiple stalls were lined up. You were just following to wherever stall they'd head to next and accept the items Childe bought for you. He would offer to buy the same things for the traveler but sometimes they'd refuse and he'd give it to you, even if he bought you one already. He calls it 'an extra'.
Nothing had really caught your attention and you continued to just follow them as they walked and talked until your eyes landed on an interesting stall. You were about to point it out to your companions, until you saw how deep in conversation they were.
They seem to be in their own little world, talking about anything and everything, while you are lagging behind and watching the whole scene play out.
And all you could think was how happy he looked being with them. Talking with them, probably about the many, many things he and the traveler had in common.
He just looks… happy. With that sparkle in his eye and his smile that never seems to disappear tonight.
He is happy. You know it.
He was killing you, and he didn't even know it.
Finally, you stopped walking and watched until you lost sight of them. The tightening feeling in your chest made you feel worse, but right now, you couldn't care less. At this point, it wouldn't matter if you joined them or not, it all felt the same. Instead of catching up to them, you explored the rest of the festival, making some souvenir purchases and taking photos even if all of it was useless. Once you felt the tightening of your chest worsen, you knew it was time to head back to your hotel, quickly.
On the final night of your stay in Liyue, you were packing up the final items in your bags. The thought of staying crossed your mind multiple times. Maybe it was pointless to pack up, seeing as your condition has taken a turn for the worst and you might not even get back home to Morepesok alive. At that point, breathing made your lungs hurt and your chest burn. Maybe you should stay and spend the rest of your nights with Childe, if you should even tell him while knowing what he'd do if you did. But you decided against it, because everything he'd do would be out of guilt. He'd deny that he's fallen out of love and would take care of you 24/7 trying to convince himself that he still loves you, only to fail.
You lost your train of thought when the sound of knocking reached your ears. Opening the door revealed Childe with a cheeky smile. "What are you doing here?" you asked. "Well, it's your last night and I wanna go on a lil' walk with you." He stepped aside and put his arm out, gesturing for you to walk out with him. You thought about it and hesitantly stepped out of your room, quickly locking it behind you before following Childe out to the streets of Liyue.
The night was cold and there were only a handful of people who were also out. Most of which were taking down the decorations of the Festival. For the most part, you both were just silently admiring the quiet streets, bumping knuckles while walking. You were too busy taking one last look at the buildings around you to see the slight smirk on Childe's face as he grabbed your pinky with his own before fully holding your hands as if you two were teenagers first discovering your love for each other.
You felt your heartbeat quicken and subconsciously take a deep breath when your cold hand was in his warm one.
He took you around the city one last time before stopping with you on the bridge atop feiyun slope. He looks out to the many boats docked at the port until his eyes land on a certain one. Curious, you peek at what he's staring at too and your eyes land on a large passenger ship, probably the one you would be taking the next morning.
He sighs before looking at you. "I wish you could stay a little longer." He pouts just a little bit and pulls you in a hug. "But that's okay. My assignment here is almost finished so I'll be back home with you, and Anton, Tonia, and Teucer--" He doesn't know, "--You said there was a new restaurant, right? We could go--" He doesn't know, "--Just a little bit longer and I'll be home again very soon--" He doesn't know. In fact, does he even realize his feelings for you are fading?
"I-I should head back." The sudden volume of your voice stops him from saying anything further and his eyebrows furrowed in confusion at your statement. You were quick to notice this and even quicker to explain. "I'm not quite done packing yet and I have a long trip tomorrow and the boat leaves early. You should head to your quarters now too. Now that I have a sense of how busy you are, you need your rest."
He was still confused, but he let you go for the night. "I'll come get you in the morning, okay?" You nodded your head and tightly wrapped your arm around him, to which he was surprised but still hugs back before you let go and head back to your room.
You couldn't sleep the whole night. Time being used up by packing, thinking about your relationship with Childe, whether you should stay and tell him, and throwing up more yellow tulips. Before you knew it, it was time to board the boat and head home.
You walked out of the hotel with your head hung low and your bags in your arms, practically dragging them because it felt heavier, until someone picks them up for you.
You both talk a bit during the journey to the port, discussing whatever topic comes up. When you get there, your names are called out by Paimon who flies up to you both with the traveler trailing behind. "We just wanted to see you before you go," Paimon said.
"Paimon just gets emotional and will get upset if you leave without saying goodbye." The traveler adds, making everyone chuckle while Paimon gets embarrassed.
"Thank you." You gave them a soft smile, at least it calms you down knowing Childe is gonna be taken care of well by the traveler.
The traveler leaves you and Childe alone, which should relieve you a little bit; however, it only makes you dread the next and probably final moments you have with him.
You both avoid each other's gazes for a little bit before he finally speaks up and glances at you, "Take care of yourself until I get there, okay?" You only give him a curt nod, still not bothering to look him in his sapphire eyes. Afraid that if he even spared a glance into them, he'd notice how scared you are.
You grabbed your bags from his hands and were about to walk away, but you stopped yourself. Screw it. You dropped your bags and pulled him in a tight hug for the last time. He hugged you back, but not as tight because he doesn't know and now, he never will.
"I-" You started but the quiver in your lip and the tears starting to blur your vision made it difficult to speak. He doesn't speak, waiting for you to do so. He probably knows that you were about to shed tears, and for that he didn't say a word. But he did pull away from the hug to hold your face in his hands and wipe some of the tears away.
"You mean everything to me, Childe," You started, "I don't ever regret loving you." You held on to his hands that were cupping your face, pulling them away and kissing his palms. "I'm gonna miss you. A lot." You try to give him a soft smile despite your red and teary eyes.
"I'm gonna miss you too." He responds. He was about to add something further but you needed to let him know first. "I love you. Way too much."
The call for the passengers to board the ship stopped you both from continuing the conversion and now, it was time to let go. You pull his hands from your face and let them go to pick up the bags you dropped on the ground. "Have a safe trip," He says while your hands tighten their grip on your luggage.
"Take care of yourself, Childe." You gave him one last smile and turned to walk away from him and toward the boat bound for Snezhnaya.
You don't look at him the rest of the way. Once on the boat, you set your bags and find a place to settle down. Once the boat departed from the port, you completely avoid looking at Liyue Harbor. For you were too afraid.
Loving Ajax hurt, but you don't regret it one bit.
His love lies with someone else now. Although that realization and its consequences hurt you, not once did you regret making memories with him. You love him with your whole heart and you will continue to do so until your last breath.