Chapter Text
Robbie sat in front of Queen Mab, the reigning monarch of trickster fae and the realm of dreams. The creature sat in a throne several steps above him, tall and imposing, and constantly shifting shapes. Her voice and appearance were never quite the same from moment to moment, each breath a new disguise. Her cold eyes looked down at him, the only constant. She was waiting for an answer.
“Pardon?” Robbie said, blinking at the fae monarch with a bewildered expression.
”You heard me.” She said, a smile stretching across her flickering features. “I am asking you to consider a marriage.” Her fingers tapped on the arm of her throne impatiently. “A… helpful alliance to the northern elves.”
Robbie immediate thought was refusal. He had no desire for marriage or courtly intrigue or any of it. He was a small time villain in a small commuter town and that suited him just fine. “Why me?” He asked.
The queen pressed her lips together to suppress a smile. “Robbie, you have served trickery faithfully through the years. Your family is of good standing in my court. Equal to that of the match they set forward. Besides,” she showed her teeth, too sharp. “It’s not like you have any prospects!“ She let out a rattling laugh that shook through the court room.
”I don’t have much desire to marry.” Robbie responded, clenching his teeth as he tried to control himself. “I am also not too keen on leaving my home.” He said. Just leaving for the court was already too much traveling for him. There was no telling what Sportacus and his band of heathens were getting up to while he was gone.
”You are, of course, free to refuse…” The queen said. The tone of her voice implied that she wasn’t done.
”But?” Robbie asked, crossing his arms over his chest.
Something mischievous flashed in her eyes. “You won’t need to relocate. And you may find it an interesting prospect.” She cackled softly to herself.
“Your majesty, I have to re–“
”Did you not promise to serve me?” The woman asked seriously. She rose from her throne, stepping towards Robbie and titling his chin up with a constantly shifting hand.
Robbie looked up at her with grit teeth. “I did.” He said.
“This magic…” She put her hands on his shoulders. “It is yours, but it does not have to be. It is fond of you, but no fonder than water is of a rain cloud.”
Robbie clenched and unclenched his fists. “Alright.” He said. “My queen, I am at your service. I will meet this… suitor. Although I make no promises not to drive him away.”
The queen laughed loudly, letting go of Robbie. “I would expect nothing less, Mr. Rotten. But from what I know, the numbered heroes are not easily run off. Are they?” She moved to sit back down in her throne, a catlike grin taking over her face.
Robbie’s brow furrowed. “Numbered hero? You didn’t say anything–“
“One of the most eligible bachelors of all the northern elves. Aren’t you grateful?” She quirked a brow.
Robbie bit his tongue. “Yes, my queen. Very grateful. When do I meet the bastard?” He asked, sarcasm dripping from his voice.
“Our world is quite small.” Mab mused. “Perhaps you’ve already met him.” Robbie felt like she dumped a bucket of ice water over him. “Tomorrow, you will join our negotiators for the alliance. Don’t be late, he’ll be waiting for you.” She snapped her fingers and Robbie found himself outside of Lazytown. He cursed under his breath as he tried to steady himself. He hated when she did that.
As he stomped through the surrounding fields back towards his lair, Robbie thought about what he had agreed to do. Sleeping with a stranger for his court’s political gain wouldn’t be the worst thing he’d ever done. At least he hoped it would be a stranger. He hoped the queen had just said what she said to get a ride out of him. Trickery was in her job description. He hoped it was a trick. Though he knew there was no guarantee of it.
But if it was a trick, he was still screwed in some ways. It was a numbered hero. Even if Sportacus was as isolated from his community as he seemed, he would have to know. He could recognize this person or worse it could be a relative. And if she had been telling the truth…
Robbie went through every stage of grief twice, his face surely showing each emotion clear as day. If he didn’t think it would cause Sportacus’ to come running, he would’ve screamed. Sportacus as his husband. Part of Robbie’s brain instantly shut down the idea of it. Surely if it was Sportacus, he’d see it was Robbie and instantly refuse. After everything they’ve done to each other, all the humiliation and minor injuries. Sportacus would have to be even more of an idealistic idiot than he thought he was to agree to it. Those thoughts brought a wave of relief (tinged with something like disappointment) crashing down over Robbie. It wouldn’t be Sportacus. He wasn’t worth the trouble. Robbie could only hope his actual husband was easier to run off.
“I…” Sportacus blinked at Number One, the leader of the numbered heroes. She had short blonde hair cropped close to her head. Her bright blue eyes matched the blue of her uniform, her crystal hanging around her neck.
“I know this might not be entirely expected.” She said with a sigh. “It is… a bit of a primitive way to seal an alliance, but it is how the fae prefer to do it. In their opinion, a bond of marriage between two prominent individuals is more likely to go unbroken than a usual contract or pact.”
“Will I have to give up heroing?” Sportacus asked after a moment of hesitation.
“Tomorrow there will be a negotiation of the marriage contract. We will insist that you’re able to continue your work.” She said certainly.
“I… why me?” He asked.
The woman sighed again. She seemed as unhappy with this situation as Sportacus was. “You are the right age and status, from a good family. You are reliable and… you are single.” She looked away.
”Ah.” Sportacus sighed.
”I wouldn’t ask if it weren’t important.” Number One said, once again meeting his gaze with piercing blue eyes. “But there have been whispers that the Unseelie Court has been recruiting. They have never liked humans, and if they were to attack… as trained as we are, they have the advantage in numbers. Building alliances now is vital.”
”And allying with the trickster court means they’re unavailable to work with the Unseelie.” Sportacus nodded. He didn’t believe in violence. He didn’t believe it was ever his place to judge someone as guilty and treat them as such. But as a numbered hero, he swore to protect humanity. Often it was just from themselves, but if it came to it… “I’ll do whatever I can.” He said seriously.
”Thank you.” Number One flashed a small relieved smile. She looked down. “I’m sorry you have to make this sacrifice.”
Sportacus shook his head slightly. “I hope that the alliances work as an intimidation tactic. I will do anything to fulfill my promise.”
”Thank you, Number Ten.” The leader repeated. “I am sorry to keep you from your post, but tomorrow you will need to be present for the contract negotiation. Your fiancé will be there as well. And then if all goes well, you will be married the day after.”
Sportacus nodded, swallowing. “I will send a letter to Lazytown’s mayor later explaining that I won’t be back for a few days.” He stood up, turning to leave Number One’s office.
“Is there anything else I can tell you to… calm any fears?” She asked before he could leave.
“Do you know their name?” He asked, mustache twitching as he licked dry lips.
”I’m afraid I don’t. Fae tend to keep their real names close to their chests. He is supposedly, quite powerful. Although they’ve promised that he’s never caused severe harm, just mischief.”
Sportacus nodded. He felt a small wave of relief at both the knowledge he was marrying a man and knowing his fiancé wasn’t likely to cause harm. “Will we… will we be expected to live together?”
“I am… not sure.” The woman said. “That is something that will be ironed out in the contract tomorrow.” She promised.
Sportacus nodded. “I think most of my questions will be answered then.” He said quietly. “May I be excused?” Number One nodded. Sportacus left the room and immediately started sprinting down the hall to get rid of excess nervous energy.
He was going to be married. It wasn’t like he expected it to be. Lately he hadn’t thought he’d be able to get married at all. But he could make the best of this. Just because he didn’t know him yet, didn’t mean they couldn’t grow to be friends or lovers. Sportacus would be optimistic. This didn’t have to be a bad thing. This could be the thing that finally gave him a love life. It didn’t have to be bad at all.