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It is said that if you are with someone, or if you confess your love to someone at the time of the first snow, you will be with that person for a very long time.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t snow in Liyue, and the person Lumine’s ever wanted to confess to doesn’t give a damn about her. So she laughs scornfully in the face of love, rolling her eyes at displays of affection, preferring to drink her feelings away.
“Helloooo~ Earth to Lumine. Everything alright?” Yanfei waved before her eyes. “You look… a bit scary.”
Lumine inadvertently blinks into focus, briefly turning to her friend with a kind, reassuring smile.
“Yeah. Was just… in my thoughts for a second. Don’t worry about me.”
Except the smile that Yanfei sees is anything but. Worried eyes follow her as she disappears once more to the bar, possibly to get her tenth refill of the night.
Sighing, she trails after her, latching onto her arm. “Lumine, don’t you think you’ve drank enough for one night? Let’s go home already.”
But the girl doesn’t heed Yanfei’s advice. “You can go home if you want. I’ll… I’ll be fine by myself.”
“If this is about him again, just… let him go already, alright?”
Then, it’s as if a pin was dropped in an ocean of silence, upsetting the peace within Lumine. Her hands balled into tight fists, trembling angrily at the mention of him —
“Shut up. You know nothing about him,” she snarled. “And you know nothing about us .”
“I’ve seen enough of your breakdowns to know that there is no ‘us’,” Yanfei promptly snapped. “We’ve been over this too many times. Either grow a set and just tell him how you feel, or let him go altogether.”
Patience running thin, Yanfei turns on her heel and struts towards the door, leaving Lumine with no room for further discussion.
Leaving Lumine to wallow and drown in her own sea of alcohol and regret.
——
The events that follow were blurry, to say the least.
In her befuddled state, Lumine only remembers bits and pieces — mere fragments of what may have happened.
But perhaps the most memorable of all were pools of molten gold, gazing worriedly at her, and obsidian tresses with with a tinge of teal, highlights like comets streaking through the dark plane of night — comets that she longed to trace with her fingertip, and a sky she dreamt of raking through with her fingers.
The ethereal face of a stranger so familiar to her, so similar to the object of her desires.
“Xiao…?” She hears herself ask. “Why…”
“I came to send you home. Your brother’s already livid,” he replied, moving to gather her belongings for her.
“But… how did you know I was…”
“Thank Yanfei.”
Lumine’s eyes widened, guilt ravaging her heart. Though she had stormed out in frustration earlier, Yanfei never forgot about her, still making sure that she at least had a way to get home safely.
The chances of him incidentally showing up, though…
“Can you walk?” Xiao asked, voice snapping her from her thoughts, extending a helping hand to her. “If not, I’ll carry you-”
Lumine practically slips off her chair, but Xiao grabs onto her before she can fall, his strong grip keeping her upright while she stumbles to regain her balance.
Allowing her to lean on his person as he guided her through the sea of intoxicated clubbers, a hand snaked around her waist, holding onto her so tightly as if he cared about her --
Lumine’s aching heart flutters, knowing this was nothing more than a strange, strange dream.
But upon exiting the bar, the bitter cold air slaps Lumine in the face, hard enough that she temporarily sobers up. A shiver runs down her spine, sniffling because she hadn’t dressed warmly enough, and it’s only when she turns her gaze skywards does she notice specks of small, crystallized white fluttering down before her eyes.
For the first time in maybe forever, it was snowing in Liyue.
“It’s snowing,” Lumine mumbled, gaping in awe. “But it never snows…”
Xiao pauses in his step, craning his head to follow her line of sight.
“It snowed once before, I remember,” he remarked, a hint of nostalgia in his voice. “But that was long ago.”
Inadvertently, Lumine’s eyes turned to watch him instead, taking in the serenity of his gaze as he silently admired the snowfall with her.
Suddenly, the world doesn’t feel so cold anymore.
“The last time I saw snow,” Lumine began softly, “was on the side of the road down a mountain, coming home from a road trip.”
“Aether and I were still young, so we were very excited to see snow for the first time. So excited to the point I fell from my car seat!”
Xiao’s eyes widened slightly. “You weren’t hurt, were you?”
“Actually, it’s where this came from,” Lumine points at a near invisible scar right beneath her eye, a sheepish smile adorning her lips as his gaze lingered on that particular spot. “It was nothing serious though.”
“I remember my dad carrying me and placing me on top of the snow, but it was so loosely packed, I sank to the bottom the moment he let go of me. Aether started bawling afterward, thinking the snow had swallowed me whole!”
“Pfft.”
“So, yeah, that’s why Aether hates snow,” Lumine grinned, strangely prideful. “Not because it’s a hassle or anything, but because he has trauma.”
Xiao gazes at her with a peculiar fondness in his eyes. “No wonder he’s complaining about you all of the time.”
“Don’t mind him, he’s just a worry wart~ Who will have many wrinkles when he gets older~ Haha, imagine Aether as a shriveled, wrinkly old man!!”
As Lumine continues to chatter, speaking nonsense in her drunken state, Xiao leads her to the passenger seat of his car. She speaks of childhood stories, of conspiracy theories, and other miscellaneous topics, one after another in an endless stream of words, all the while he drives through the snow, speeding but not going fast enough to endanger them.
But with the heater turned on and running on full blast, Lumine’s exhaustion creeps up on her more quickly than usual; aided by alcohol, it becomes quite difficult to stay awake.
It’s so warm, so cozy, and with Xiao’s comforting presence by her side…
She sneaks a glance at Xiao, whose eyes were focused on the road, watching him with soft eyes as her vision grew hazy from sleep.
This is where her memory begins to fall apart; she thinks she calls out to him, because his eyes briefly avert to look at her, but the look of shock that appears afterward, followed by a sharp pain in her head as her surroundings swerve hard to the left --
Strange, because there wasn’t even any car beside theirs on the road. So it must’ve been something else, but Lumine cannot remember anything to save her life.
She falls into a shallow sleep after, suspended right between the states of wakefulness and not; it’s only when she wakes, surrounded by a familiar cologne, does Lumine truly realize the bizarre nature of everything that had just gone down that night.
Getting drunk over her one-sided feelings for a guy that surely didn’t care about her, to him miraculously appearing to pick her up -- well, not without the aid of Yanfei and Aether -- to Liyue experiencing a once in a lifetime snowfall, then to him draping his wool coat over her to keep warm as she slept.
Why did he so readily agree to come find her? Why had he held her so closely? And why, pray tell, was Lumine reconsidering these feelings for him, feelings that she was finally ready to abandon?
Was God so sick of her pathetic indecisiveness too, that He felt the urge to step in and deliver him straight to her? Setting up such a romantic circumstance, just to get her to confess?
There was no other reasonable explanation. Well, even if there was, Lumine didn’t have the patience to ponder, nor was she in the right mind to do so anyway.
When Lumine turns, she finds Xiao beside her, head lolled to one side as he, too, dozed off. They had long reached their destination, parked by the sidewalk leading to her and Aether’s shared apartment.
Seeing in him such an unguarded state was rare, to say the least, so Lumine allows her this chance to admire him up close. Her eyes trail over his defined jawline, before catching on the glimmer of his silver earring, but even that pales in comparison to the rest of him; the perfect curvature of his face, unblemished porcelain skin and luscious lips that she only thought dolls possessed, red lining feathery lashes that cast shadows over his soft cheeks.
“No wonder everyone wants you,” Lumine whispered sadly as she reached to touch him, the tips of her finger trembling. “How can someone look so beautiful?”
Sculpted like a perfect work of art, clad with the personality of a noble saint, Xiao was popular amongst their peers even in their days at school. Though they had not become friends yet, only crossing paths occasionally, it was known that he received confessions every week, his locker was often filled to the brim with love letters on Valentine’s. As unfriendly and unapproachable as he tried to make himself to be, he continued to get swarmed, like bees to a Sweet Flower, like moths to a flame.
Then on the night of graduation, rumors spread that he’d found someone to love, and all hope within Lumine dies. Her feelings should’ve died with it, but for some strange, twisted reason, they always returned to haunt her.
She tries, really tries to sever that connection to him, but she can’t help it; the heart only wants what it can’t have. And with his periodic, random gestures of kindness -- dare she say, affection -- constantly reaching out to her every time he let go, it was impossible to let go of him. It’s so tiring, frustrating, and debilitating all at once, and she no longer has the physical or mental strength to keep up this game of cat and mouse.
Either just tell him how you feel, or let him go altogether.
Alright, Lumine exhaled, solidifying her resolve.
I’ll end it all today.
Mustering her courage, Lumine sits up, taking in a deep breath as she runs a hand through her hair. She’s about to turn back to him, planning to quickly confess her feelings now that he’s asleep. He wouldn’t hear her, but at the very least, she could say she said her feelings aloud.
But once again, God says no to her antics; Xiao stirs at that exact moment, eyes fluttering open to meet her the second she was about to begin.
“Lumine…?”
Hearing him speak her name in such a sleepy tone of voice does a critical hit to her resolve. Lumine freezes up, heartbeat picking up as her best chance slips from her grasp once more.
“...Good morning, Xiao.”
“Morning?” Xiao’s eyes narrowed, hands fumbling with his phone as he flipped it out to check the time. “Shit, did I sleep for that long?”
“No, not at all,” Lumine replied, hanging him his coat. In fact, I wish you’d stay asleep for longer.
Xiao thanks her, swiftly putting the coat back on as he switched the car off. “I’ll walk you back to your apartment.”
“Eh? You don’t have to, it’s not that long of a walk-”
“It’s already dark out,” he nods to their surroundings outside the window. “Besides, I promised your brother that I’d personally deliver you to his door.”
Lumine scoffed. “I’m sure he didn’t mean it to that extent…”
But Xiao had already exited the car, quickly shuffling over to open the passenger door for her, despite her insisting otherwise. Seeing his persistence, Lumine has no choice but to relent.
When she steps outside, the snow had all but let up, miniature snowflakes falling in scatters here and there. They walked quickly, eager to reach the warmth of the apartment lobby -- while Lumine’s mind was racing at the speed of light, searching for another opportunity to properly tell him before they part.
She doesn’t want to wait any longer.
They’ve just exited the elevator after reaching her floor, walking the final stretch to her apartment when Lumine stops him.
“Hm?” He glances at her, a quizzical expression on his face. But Lumine doesn’t say anything yet, taking a deep breath to stabilize her racing heart. “Something wrong?”
She shakes her head, cracking a nervous smile. “No, not at all. I…”
“...Take your time.”
“...I just wanted to say something to you, that’s all,” Lumine finally manages. “Something… I should’ve told you long ago.”
Hearing her serious tone, Xiao fully turns his body to face her, showing that she had his full undivided attention. “You can tell me anything.”
Suddenly, Lumine doesn’t know how to begin. Everything she’s prepared herself to say slips entirely from her mind, now that he was standing before her like this. But there’s nowhere to run now, nowhere to escape to, her own promise to herself keeping her rooted.
There was no choice but to say it as it was.
“You’ve heard this just about a billion times, I’m sure,” Lumine laughed airly as she began, casting her gaze downwards to her feet. “And it feels pathetic to say it now, but…”
An hitch of a breath, then-
“...I like you.”
-silence.
Lumine keeps her eyes glued to the floor, deathly afraid of his reaction, already bracing herself for his inevitable rejection.
But Xiao doesn’t say anything. Doesn’t do anything at all. Lumine swallows, already knowing he’s simply conflicted in finding the right words to let her down as gently as possible.
As he did with everyone else.
“...Since when?”
Lumine swallowed.
“Since… high school, I guess.”
Xiao exhaled. “Wow.”
And then a breathless chuckle, almost shy. Lumine purses her lips together into a firm line, trying to imagine his current expression.
“And here I was starting to lose hope...”
Lumine whips her head up, bewildered. “H-huh?”
To her surprise, there’s a smile on Xiao’s face -- the most dazzling, charming one she’s seen on him. He averts his eyes bashfully as Lumine straightens herself, dumbfounded --
“You… What do you mean by that…”
An embarrassed laugh escapes him, and it becomes Xiao’s turn to duck his head in shame, hiding his eyes behind his bangs. Lumine sputters, trying her best to be serious, but it’s so hard realizing just how much a fool they’ve both been.
No way. No fucking way.
“Xiao,” Lumine grabs hold of his shoulders, voice wavering in between her nervous laughter. “You can’t be serious right now.”
The tips of his ears grew red as he took a deep breath, finally bringing himself to face her. But upon seeing that shy smile of his, so soft, endearing, and lovely, the answer was painfully obvious.
“You know, I really thought you’d known,” the boy explained, “especially with how obvious I’d been…”
Lumine’s smile twitches. “Wouldn’t you like to know the truth…”
“But every time I thought I’d impress you once, you’d always avoid me for a month…” Xiao rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “Who would’ve thought…”
It takes every fiber of her being to not smack him in her exasperation.
“You…” Lumine finds herself at a loss for words, tears pricking at her eyes. “All this time, I thought you were only pretending to care about me…”
Not another word was said as Xiao pulled her close to him, holding her still in a tight embrace. A gesture meant to console, but it only served to wrench apart the final gears of her tear ducts. Lumine sobs uncontrollably as she returns the embrace, squeezing him just as tightly as she came to terms with her feelings.
“Aside from the rumors, I don’t know why’d you ever think that,” Xiao murmurs into her shoulder, nuzzling into her shoulder. “My heart belonged to nobody else but you, Lumine,
the girl I’ve wanted to go to since the very first snow.”