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Westeros winters weren't what they used to be, Alicent often thought. As long as she could understand the world as it was, winters lasted a few years, sometimes even months. They weren't as long or lasting as they had been a few centuries ago when they would take nearly a full decade.
But interestingly, all of her children were born in the winter.
She couldn't understand. Aegon had been an accident, conceived one too long autumn when she was just seventeen and first lay down with an alpha, but born on the second day of the long winter that would be long gone. Helaena came the following year, in the dead of winter, when all the people retreated to their homes or to dark pubs for warmth. They both had the same father, a man Alicent could barely think of the name without it sending shivers through her body.
The year after her daughter was born, Alicent was released from that terrible marriage when her husband died at the end of the winter. She was left to her own with her children until she met Rhaenyra Targaryen, the eldest daughter of the man she "married" and who had a troubled past with the man. That volatile and irritating woman quickly carved a way into her heart.
Until now, Alicent wondered if things might have been different if she had met Rhaenyra earlier. But quickly that thought always went away when she faces her children and their own ways. She had suffered a lot and she wasn't the best mother in the world, but the only two things in the world that belonged to her were those children. They were the thing she loved most in her life and she didn't regret having them.
Aemond and Jacaerys came many years after their siblings. Alicent didn't expect to get involved with anyone after all, but Rhaenyra managed to win her heart little by little and with persistence. They were married in as beautiful a ceremony as Alicent could have wanted and it wasn't long before Alicent was pregnant again. Aemond was born in the middle of winter and Jacaerys on the final day of winter.
So Alicent absolutely loved it when the first snowflake fell. She used to say it was the blessings of the gods falling on them, though winter brought hunger to those who didn't have much. She loved the season in her own way and always used to have a few simple traditions — Oldtown’s, her hometown, traditions — before the last days of the year when they fell in winter.
That year, that winter, everything had changed once more.
In the dead of spring two years ago, Alicent and Rhaenyra had come to an end. Alicent still used to touch the scar on her neck from Rhaenyra's bite, which still hadn't healed, when she was worried. The bond didn't seem to go away no matter what she tried to do. And to make everything worse, she wasted so much time trying to get used to the absence of the alpha at home that she barely noticed when winter arrived in the ninth month of that year.
"Mommy!" Jacaerys's high-pitched voice brought Alicent out of her thoughts and she immediately realized that she had both hands under the hot water in the sink, even though the dishes had been clean for a long time.
"Hi, my love, what's up?" She replied after coming out of the zoning, immediately turning off the faucet and going to clean her hands. Jacaerys grabbed her leg and whimpered softly, making her laugh.
Her youngest child was almost seven years old now and was so adorable with his silvery curls and hazel eyes that Alicent couldn't help leaning over to kiss his head, which made the boy laugh happily. He leaned up on tiptoe to kiss her cheek back and that filled Alicent's chest with love.
“Is kepa coming already?”
Alicent tried to hold back, but her expression darkened anyway. She absolutely felt like a coward for not being able to hide it and that was the only reason she forced a small smile, stroking Jacaerys's head to distract him.
“The snow is very heavy tonight, isn't it? If your mom doesn't make it in time, we can keep the traditions anyway,” she tried to sound cheerful, but only got a pout in response, along with two teary brown eyes.
“Mom, but she promised !” Jacaerys argued, hiding his face against Alicent's legs, which made her sigh.
She pulled the boy away just enough so that she could pick him up in her lap, holding him tight and comforting him.
“Why don't you go get Aemond to watch TV while I make hot chocolate and call your mother?”
Jacaerys looked at her seriously, a pout formed on his lips, and his nose curled to one side in disgust the way Rhaenyra always had. He and Aegon were so much like Rhaenyra that it was overwhelming, even though Aegon was not even her son. The two had Rhaenyra's personality and that made Alicent's heart flutter with longing on the good days and anger on the bad days.
“Jace!” Hearing his brother calling after he made Jacaerys make up his mind and he left with steps too heavy for such a small child. Alicent laughed softly, but in a way, she was relieved that he heard her.
The next activity would be more difficult.
Rhaenyra Targaryen: I'll be there at two
Alicent had read that message many hours ago and she was as frustrated as her son. She knew Aegon had sent messages to Rhaenyra too, the boy tried to pretend he didn't care like his younger brothers, but he did. And with the delay, Rhaenyra was opening another hole in that family.
"Where are you?" Alicent growled under her breath as soon as Rhaenyra answered and she could clearly hear the woman's sigh on the other end of the line. The noise was indescribable: she was in traffic.
“I'm close, I swear! Rosby was full of snow and I had a hard time getting out of there,” Rhaenyra began, already with apologies. “I just have to walk down Aegon's Hill and I'll be there in five minutes, I swear,” she promised fiercely.
"Jace..." Alicent started, but her voice cracked and she had to pull herself together. She couldn't show weakness to Rhaenyra after all. “Jacaerys was close to tears, Rhaenyra. If I find out... if I find out you're in some whorehouse with..."
“Alicent,” Rhaenyra cut her off. Alicent could feel the other woman's anger through their bond and she flinched involuntarily, before taking a deep breath to force the instinct to pass. “Open the garage,” the alpha ordered and Alicent just hung up on her.
Alicent would not give Rhaenyra the satisfaction of having obeyed her and walked towards the stairs, calling Aegon's name. Her son appeared with a tired face and a pair of headphones on his head.
“Your mother is coming, go open the garage for her,” she ordered the eldest son and the boy's face immediately lit up. He hurried to put on a coat and follow his mother's orders.
Aemond and Jacaerys, sitting on the couch, upon hearing the words immediately ran to their brother. Alicent grumbled under her breath but went back to the kitchen anyway. She was in the middle of washing the cups for the hot chocolate when Jacaerys interfered, but she took care of that task quickly, breaking into a genuine smile when she heard the giggles and squeals that announced that Rhaenyra was there.
The omega continued in the kitchen, making the six cups of hot chocolate and placing them on a tray. Later, they would diner Oldtown food and pray for that special day. But now it was time for movies and chocolate.
Alicent was not shocked to find Jacaerys on Rhaenyra's shoulders and Aemond in her lap, with Aegon standing beside her mother, but she was shocked to look at how much Aegon had grown, realizing it for the first time in a while. Her baby was now nearly as tall as Rhaenyra, who was already naturally tall. Her ex-wife's hair was cut short, above her shoulders, as was their son's hair, and the resemblance between the two was even more bizarre.
“Hi, Ali,” Rhaenyra greeted happily, using the nickname as if they were still something and didn't fight minutes ago. Alicent closed the smile she had and put the chocolate on the table quickly.
“Rhaenyra,” she replied with just a nod. "I'll call Helaena, she must be reading."
Her ex-wife nodded, but with an enigmatic look. Alicent left the room and went to her daughter, finding her playing some new game of plants. She approached calmly, emitting soft pheromones to alert Helaena to her presence.
"Hi, mommy. Kepa is already here,” it wasn't a question. Alicent nodded as Helaena turned to face her.
Her daughter took off her headphones and got up, heading towards the bedroom door. Alicent thought she was going to walk right by, but Helaena stopped and looked at her with a small smile before hugging her. Alicent sighed softly and returned the hug, kissing her daughter's head with care and love. Helaena had always been overly sensitive, but she never sought close contact. Hugs were a rarity and gifts, something Alicent always treated as such.
The two then went down the stairs, where a noise already took over the room. Aegon and Aemond appeared to be locked in an intense fight over which movie to watch, while Jacaerys tried to teach Rhaenyra some new game he had learned. The alpha looked so involved that Alicent had to hide her smile.
“No more bickering, Aegon and Aemond,” she ordered as soon as she stepped into the room. Her children pouted as Rhaenyra looked up just to laugh at the situation. “On the last holiday, Aegon chose the movie. This year it's Helaena and Jace's turn to choose."
"Not! Helaena will choose the insect one again!” Aemond complained loudly, heaving himself up on the couch. Alicent raised her eyebrows at him, asking him to behave himself, and her son grumbled, but follow her silent order.
“What movie do you want to watch, my princess?” Rhaenyra spoke aloud, pulling away from Jacaerys just enough for Helaena to fall into her arms. The little girl always loved Rhaenyra's physical contact more than anyone else, although it was also a rarity that she hugged the older woman.
“Bug's Life,” Helaena muttered, predictably. Alicent sat beside Aegon, who was complaining loudly and stole control from her eldest son's hand.
The boys always complained about that movie, but as soon as the movie started, Aemond and Jacaerys hid in her arms and Aegon rested his head on Rhaenyra, who still had Helaena in her arms. They made a whole show of not seeing it, but if there was something that united their three boys, it was the protection and love they had for their sister and her love for insects.
Alicent was comfortable smelling her babies' perfume until she began to smell Rhaenyra's scent. Because their bond still existed, she could sense that Rhaenyra was sad even behind the thin layers of happiness she tried to fake. Alicent looked up at her ex, who was clutching Helaena tightly in her lap. She looked like her eyes were watering and something in Alicent hurt.
Sighing low, Alicent started to emit calm and happy pheromones to calm her ex-wife, even if it was almost against her will. Rhaenyra glanced in her direction and smiled a little, letting her head fall against Aegon's, who was resting on her shoulder. The mere sight of the woman's smile made Alicent's stomach lurch.
The unison laughter of her children caught her attention and the smile that grew on her face was natural, just as it was born on Rhaenyra's face too. The kids only looked away from the TV when it came to eating their chocolate, so Alicent and Rhaenyra had plenty of time to exchange glances.
“I brought you presents,” Rhaenyra exclaimed excitedly to her children as soon as the movie ended. Their children started squealing happily, getting up and jumping around the room.
"What's the present?" Jacaerys screamed, launching himself at his mother. Rhaenyra screamed as well at the sudden attack, something that made Alicent laugh out loud, even against her will.
The children watched anxiously as Rhaenyra got to her feet, but the woman asked them to stay seated while she went downstairs to get things from the car. Aegon and Helaena were trying to pretend they weren't anxious, but Jacaerys and Aemond were jumping all over the place, mostly on top of Alicent, who still had a huge smile on her face.
When Rhaenyra returned, she had a bag in her hand. Alicent hid her smile with the mischievous glare of the alpha, whose eyes sparkled with so much happiness.
“Okay, now you have to promise not to fight,” Rhaenyra ordered in a serious voice. She almost never spoke in that tone to the kids and when she did, they knew she really wanted them to do it.
The children mumbled their confirmations before Rhaenyra began to hand out gifts. Aegon got a new video game console, a guitar. He was delighted with the gift, even though he had his own collection of video game consoles. Helaena was given an old book that Rhaenyra had found in her old home at Dragonstone, which told of ancient insects encountered during the time of Aegon the Conqueror.
The girl hugged Rhaenyra so tightly that it surprised even Rhaenyra. Helaena jumped up and pulled away after the hug, running to the couch to start reading. Rhaenyra stared at Alicent in shock even after the hug, something that made her chuckle softly. When she recovered from the situation, Rhaenyra pulled out Aemond's gift.
“I found it while fetching the book for Helaena, thought you might like it,” Rhaenyra said, handing her son two different books. The boy immediately squealed as he held up the presents, which made a smile break out on Alicent's face.
“It's about dragons!” Aemond screamed, shocked. He jumped at Rhaenyra and the alpha struggled to catch him in her lap from the force of that blow. Her son was euphoric and happy and Alicent knew he was going to have a hard time reading it and would demand that she read it to him every night.
Aemond had started to learn to read earlier in the year and was addicted to the ancient history of House Targaryen and its dragons. He was particularly obsessed with Vhagar, who had been the greatest dragon in the world after Balerion's death. With his new obsession, he also influenced Jacaerys.
“And for my second little dragon,” Rhaenyra began after Aemond had left her lap, handing a large plush dragon to the youngest. Jacaerys seemed delighted with the gift that was almost his size.
“You got a baby present!” Aemond sneered at his younger brother, who pouted at him. Alicent gave a serious look at Aemond, who chuckled.
“It's not a baby gift, it's a dragon just like Vermax was. And if you have imagination, you can see that it can fly with you everywhere!” Rhaenyra said, defending Jacaerys from the childish scuffle. But even Aemond's comment didn't do much to dampen Jacaerys' euphoria over the toy.
“What about mom?” Aegon asked aloud when it looked like Rhaenyra was going to put the bag away. Both Rhaenyra and Alicent exchanged a serious, slightly tense look.
Alicent could see her children starting to pay attention to both of them. Even Helaena had looked up from her book to stare at them and she dreaded what would come next.
“Your mother already gave me you, that's already a bigger gift than I could ask for,” she stated with a lopsided smile, trying to make the tension in the children go away. But they, especially the two older ones, seemed to be upset with Rhaenyra.
After all, during their years together, they used to exchange gifts too. They grew up watching it like it was commonplace and now, years after the breakup, they seem to have understood the new family dynamic between them. Alicent almost thanked the Seven when Jacaerys tripped over the bag Rhaenyra had brought and found boxes of chocolate waiting for them.
The focus of the four immediately shifted, each wanting a box of their own, even the “almost adult” Aegon. Rhaenyra let them choose what they wanted and approached Alicent with a heavy look and a sad smell. Alicent swallowed hard at the approach, mainly because she could smell cinnamon that didn't belong to Rhaenyra on the alpha's body.
"I should have brought you something," Rhaenyra muttered bitterly, but Alicent just flinched away from her. She shook her head as if to say it was all right, but it felt like the complete opposite.
"It's okay, Rhaenyra, I really meant what I said," Alicent tried to ease, the scent of cinnamon on the alpha was what was bothering her even more.
It looked fresh and, even worse, it looked like it was a smell Alicent knew. It wasn't possible that even after the separation and everything that had happened, Rhaenyra still hadn't understood what hurt Alicent the most. She didn't care who Rhaenyra slept with anymore, Alicent always tried to pretend she didn't. But it was hard to pretend when Rhaenyra showed up proudly sporting a different scent in her home, around her children. A scent Alicent absolutely despites.
“No, Ali, I…”
“Are you hungry, children? Would you rather have dinner now or watch another movie?” Alicent interrupted Rhaenyra's apology and turned to her children, noticing that they had gone silent with the tension in both of them.
“I've arranged to play with the boys before my bedtime, mom, I'd like dinner now,” Aegon said. Alicent nodded, noticing that the other children seemed focused on their presents and weren't going to offer an opinion right now.
“I'll finish dinner, then. Rhaenyra, look at the children,” she commanded, not casting a glance at the Targaryen. Alicent could only feel Rhaenyra's slight irritation through her bond, but she ignored it.
Alicent took the kitchen as her refuge, trying not to think about Rhaenyra's scent. The food had already been prepared before and now there were only a few minutes left for everything to be ready. Alicent concentrated on that, pausing beside the stove while she waited for the food to finish heating. She fished her cell phone out of her pocket, flicking through messages with disinterest.
"You still talk to that bastard Criston," Rhaenyra spoke from behind her, surprising Alicent who nearly dropped her cell phone on the floor. She didn't give Rhaenyra the taste of blocking her cell, just cast a glance over her shoulder.
"It's none of your business who I get involved with," Alicent replied, rolling her eyes. She put her cell phone down on the counter and went back to the stove, turning off the food and trying to ignore Rhaenyra.
“I haven't signed the divorce papers yet so, until further notice, you're still my wife,” Rhaenyra stated irritably. Alicent finally turned to her, glaring at her with some fury. The other woman had a hurt look on her face and Alicent felt her old habit return, her fingernail digging hard into her cuticle.
"You better sign it soon, or we're going to have to settle this in court," Alicent said with equal anger. She couldn't believe Rhaenyra would threaten her with something so low. But then, the alpha's shoulders slumped and she let out a loud sigh.
"I will sign it, I swear to you," Rhaenyra muttered under her breath, pulling away from Alicent. The hole that had grown in the years since Jacaerys's birth only seemed to grow worse, sinking them with it. “But Criston, of all people, Alicent? Criston, who always tried to seduce you even though he knew we were married?”
"This matters? You don't seem to know that I filed for divorce because you were in a sleazy brothel like it was taught you by Daemon in your younger days? Daemon, of all people. Daemon, who never accepted our marriage and always encouraged you to have multiple women, mocking me in front of us?” Alicent snapped angrily, her pheromones now very furious. She noticed how Rhaenyra clenched her fists, something she did often now when she was in her presence. It was mainly to keep her biggest and furiously pheromones to herself.
“Alicent, please. You know I would never cheat on you, you know! I don't even remember how I ended up in that state you found me in, I don't even know how I got to that brothel neither remembered the message Daemon sent me years before that! I could attend them now but I don't because it just isn't and never has been somewhere I would want to be,” Rhaenyra's anger was palpable and Alicent had to flinch.
Rhaenyra was right. The main reason Alicent filed for divorce was having to pick up her wife from the brothel on Silk Street, drunk and smelling like the sickly strawberry of some omega whore. This had never happened before and spelled the end for Alicent after months of incessant fighting and stress. She threw Rhaenyra out of the house the next day, filing for divorce immediately. But Rhaenyra had been stalling for two years to sign the papers, claiming all the while that she didn't remember what had happened.
“I don't care, Rhaenyra. Just like you shouldn't anymore,” Alicent lied, looking away from the alpha. Rhaenyra chuckled behind her, irritated by her tone.
“Shouldn't I care? Our children are realizing it, they are already big enough to understand everything and…”
Alicent slammed her cell phone down hard against the counter, firmly ending Rhaenyra's rant. She lowered her head, taking deep breaths as her therapist had told her to do so many times. She couldn't. She felt suffocated as two years before.
“You showed up at my house, on the biggest night of the year for me and my family, smelling with cinnamon, like Daemon. And you still believe I owe you any explanation as to who I date,” Alicent chuckled, but there wasn't an ounce of amusement in her words. She shook her head, took a deep breath, and glared up at the other woman.
“I should leave if my presence bothers you so much,” Rhaenyra said, presumably mockingly. Alicent chuckled again, finally pulling herself together.
“To get your car stuck on the main street in the snow and embarrass yourself by asking Aegon and me to rescue you?” She made fun of her ex-wife. "Put yourself in your place, please," Alicent ended the conversation, pulling away from Rhaenyra and starting to turn off all the food.
“You will never believe me, will you?” Rhaenyra muttered, looking more defeated than she had the night Alicent kicked her out. The omega ignored her, but she could feel her pheromones getting sadder with each passing second, which directly affected her. “I didn't lie to you that night, Alicent. And I need you to believe me so I can sign the divorce.”
Alicent was ready to continue the fight when Aegon appeared in front of them, looking too serious for his twelve-year-old face. He sighed to find them fighting and coughed a little, probably from the pheromones of anger that, now with his puberty approaching, he was able to feel and understand. Alicent immediately emitted calming pheromones to her son, shooting a glare at Rhaenyra, who also tried to calm down.
“Can you please stop fighting, just for today?” Their son practically begged, with a tone that made it clear he wanted to cry. Alicent walked over to him, trying to hug him, but Aegon held up a hand, shaking his head. “I didn't let the kids come here, but they know you're fighting. Stop, please. Just today."
Her eldest son's plea broke Alicent's heart and she tried to agree, but her eyes stung with unshed tears. She also wanted to smack Rhaenyra for breaking the thin line of truce they'd struck. Aegon distracted her again by quickly leaving. Rhaenyra ducked her head as Alicent's gaze flicked to her, just as sadness made the kitchen reek of acid.
“Tell Helaena and Aemond to come and serve the table and Aegon to take Jacaerys to wash his hands, okay?” Alicent whispered, her head down with shame and tiredness. She heard Rhaenyra's heavy footsteps outside as she finished serving the food.
It was easy to pretend nothing had happened, but Helaena glared at her every few seconds as they set up the table. Rhaenyra had made herself available to wash Jacaerys's hands, and Aegon was helping to set the table as well. Soon everyone was sitting down to traditional Oldtown food. Alicent still had some old-fashioned thoughts, so she let Rhaenyra sit at the head of the table, with Aegon on her right and herself on her left, with the children scattered around the table.
“Do you want to begin the thanks, Aegon?” Rhaenyra asked her eldest son, presumably attempting a peace quest with the kid. But the sullen teenager shot her a wry look, flashing a smile that wasn't happy at all. Alicent wanted to hit herself, minutes before the boy had looked genuinely happy to be with the whole family.
“Jace is old enough to begin thanks, kepa,” Aegon replied, cocking his head to the side in defiance.
"I want to start!" Jacaerys exclaimed happily, putting a serious look on his face as if he were already a man and not the baby he clearly was. “I want to thank kepa for the gift, mom and Seven for the food! This year, I want to ask the Seven to get moms back together!” Jace's happy tone made Alicent gasp. She immediately turned to Rhaenyra, noticing that Rhaenyra was coughing fiercely. Jacaerys didn't seem to understand what he did, pouting at Alicent who flinched.
“The mothers are separated, you silly!” Aemond exclaimed to his younger brother in an irritated tone and immediately Rhaenyra scolded him.
“Your brother still doesn't understand that baby, let him alone,” Alicent scolded, seeing her son shrug. “Now let's continue our thanks, shall we? I give thanks for the existence of all of you, for the food on our table and for the love we share,” and for the Grace the Seven conceded me after everything. She sighed after saying her thanks, seeing that Aegon had an annoying smile (just like Rhaenyra's) on his face.
“I thank for you and the food,” Rhaenyra followed calmly. Her children made imitations of that thanks, including here and there something they wanted.
After the thanks, everyone returned to their food. Although Oldtown spice was generally unvarying, Alicent loved using Dornish spices to enhance food. It was no surprise when the sounds of pure enjoyment of the food emerged, their children talking with their mouths full about how good the food was.
The meal didn't last long, and Alicent pulled Aegon with her to do the dishes and Helaena to dry the dishes, giving Rhaenyra time to connect with the younger children before she had to leave.
“You cannot influence your brothers to say what Jacaerys said at the dinner table,” she began quietly to the elders, who sighed in unison. “I know that he still doesn't know how to deal with the divorce and that I'm the one who should take care of it, but your influence in these situations only worsens your brothers' recovery.”
She knew better than to throw anything at the kids, but they were her confidants. Aegon sometimes had nightmares of screamings, much of which he had seen earlier in the first "wedding". He was a baby when it all happened, but he kept the bad marks. And it pained Alicent deeply that Jacaerys and Aemond would also bear those marks, in a different way.
“You love each other, we can all see that,” Helaena murmured, almost as if she was afraid of scaring Alicent. “If kepa lied to you, why not forgive her? Isn't making mistakes something people do?"
Alicent swallowed, both from the maturity and the truth in her daughter's words. She and Rhaenyra had fought a lot before the divorce, but it was silly things they could fix. What Alicent couldn't forgive was the trip to the brothel. And she couldn't explain something like that to her children.
“You love mom, to the point that you're happiest when she's around,” Aegon whispered, trying not to make eye contact with Alicent. “If I could ask the Seven for one thing today, even if I don't believe they even exist, it would be for kepa to come back home.”
Alicent let a long sigh escape her lips. She shuddered as she watched her son, who had his thin shoulders slumped in defeat. She dried her hands and walked over to the boy, hugging his shoulders and letting him rest his face against her chest. He was her mate, her boy, and she hadn't realized how badly he was hurt until now.
“I promise you that Rhaenyra and I will talk more, okay? I can't promise you I'll forgive her, but we'll talk again,” whispered Alicent, trying to calm her eldest son. The boy huddled against her, sniffling softly and relaxing into her pheromones.
After the emotional moment, the three returned to their task, completing it after a few minutes. Aegon kissed both mothers good night and went upstairs to play video games with his friends for a few hours. Helaena also said goodbye, explaining that she was going to study a little of the book that Rhaenyra had brought.
"It's time to put the big boys to bed, isn't it?" Rhaenyra spoke aloud, receiving complaints from the two smaller boys. Alicent agreed with her, terribly silent, but helped her clean Jacaerys and Aemond before putting them to bed.
“Tell a story about the dragons, kepa, please!” Aemond insisted, already dressed in his dragon pajamas and lying on his bed. Jacaerys, in the next bed, nodded happily. He had his big dragon tucked under his arm.
“I'm going to tell you about Syrax today, okay? She was the most beautiful dragon in the world and it is also my favorite dragon in Targaryen history, and it was she who gave birth to the great dragons of the next century,” Rhaenyra began, sitting on Aemond's bed.
Alicent was on Jace's bed, nearly falling over the dragon plush, and stroking her dragon cub's hair as he stared at Rhaenyra in awe. The silver-haired woman began her story with as much euphoria as her young children, her violet eyes darting between the two boys equally and locking them in what she said. Aemond and Jacaerys worshiped Rhaenyra as if she herself had been a dragonrider.
Her children's adoration of the alpha started in the womb and only grew stronger. Alicent was afraid that when they got older, they would prefer to live with her. They loved her too, but it was nothing like the deep adoration they had for their alpha mother. And Alicent couldn't even blame them, she understood them, for she was also deeply in love with Rhaenyra Targaryen.
Was?
As she stared at Rhaenyra's performance reading, Alicent couldn't help but berate herself for lying to her own. She didn't stop loving Rhaenyra for even a second, she still love her terribly. She still loves that deep scent of fire and earth that Rhaenyra had, she still loves it when those violet eyes turned towards her, and, worse, she still love that smile that she hadn't seen appear in a long time. She loves Rhaenyra Targaryen completely, with all her heart.
Perhaps that was why she hadn't taken Rhaenyra to court yet. She could have when the woman refused to sign the divorce even after a whole year of fighting, hurt and pain. But she let Rhaenyra delay the divorce as she pleased. She let Rhaenyra make a fool of her. All because she still loves her the same way she loved her when they were young. When Rhaenyra put her out of her misery and was her light at the end of the tunnel.
“Alicent?” Rhaenyra brought her out of her thoughts and then Alicent noticed that the boys were asleep.
She got up slowly so as not to wake Jacaerys and started to turn on the lamp that was beside the children's bed. The boys looked so peaceful that Alicent was afraid to plant a kiss on their heads and wake them up, but she did anyway. She took a deep breath of the baby scent that Jacaerys still had before walking Rhaenyra outside.
The alpha had her hands in her pants pockets and followed her like a puppy downstairs, helping her organize the mess the kids had made in silence. They could hear the noise of Aegon playing upstairs and Alicent had to stop herself from going upstairs to scold him for cursing loudly. He was a grown boy, whether she liked it or not.
“I don't think the snow is going to let up today,” Rhaenyra whispered, looking out the window. The blizzard had arrived in King's Landing and was sure to last all night, as was common in winters in the capital.
Sometimes Alicent missed Oldtown. The blizzards didn't last that long there and the streets were quickly cleared of the incessant snow. In King's Landing, everything turned to chaos. The city itself did not have good administration, which meant that the blizzards interrupted the flow on the roads almost always. If Alicent was ever capable of hating winter, it would be because of that town.
"The guest room is available to you as it always has been," Alicent replied in the same tone when she finally finished organizing the room. The next morning, Jacaerys would wake up excited to choose his movie and make everyone watch it over breakfast, so everything had better be in order before then.
"Okay, I think I have spare clothes in my car," Rhaenyra said, but Alicent cut her off with just a sound in her throat.
“Nonsense, I have your clothes in my wardrobe,” she replied as if it were absurd. "I'll get them and send Aegon and Helaena to sleep, okay?"
Rhaenyra nodded, eyeing her a little nervously. Alicent ignored her and went upstairs, taking a pair of Rhaenyra's pajamas that were still in her wardrobe - and which she wore occasionally -, changed her clothes into comfortable pajamas, and then stopped by her oldest children's room.
She found Helaena asleep with the book on her chest and smiled at the sight of her only daughter looking so beautiful. She took the book from Helaena's chest and snuggled her snugly under the blankets, letting the blue light from the table lamp illuminate her daughter's entire room. The sight of the insects formed from the light from the ceiling lamp made Alicent break into a goofy smile, almost laughing at how adorable her daughter was.
Then Alicent entered Aegon's room, realizing that her son was still playing. The boy noticed the opening of the door and grumbled loudly, seeming to finish the last challenges of the game before starting to turn off the computer, after a tense farewell with his friends.
“If I get good notes on school, can I stay late to play?” He asked in a low tone as he turned off the computer and Alicent looked up. She knew that Aegon wasn't the most studious child in the world, as he wasted so much time procrastinating and playing video games.
He used to be a football prodigy, but after injuring his arm, he quit and focused solely on video games. She preferred him to be dedicated to his studies, she knew he wasn't as dumb as he would like to make himself out to be.
“We can arrange that depending on what your report card looks like,” Alicent agreed. She looked at her eldest son with a small smile, reaching over to hug him tightly. “I'm going to have that talk I promised you with your mom, okay? And then we’ll also talk about changing your bedtime.”
Aegon laughed at the expression, but nodded, hiding his face in her shoulder. He was much taller than Alicent now, which she hated. Even so, he hid his face in her body and insisted on bending down so he could pretend he was still a small baby. She loved him so much it hurt.
“Should I expect a little brother?” Aegon whispered conspiratorially, which made Alicent roll her eyes. She pulled away from her son, patting him on the head, before heading out the door.
"Goodnight darling. We love you,” she said before closing the door, hearing Aegon mutter a short “I love you” against his will. He understood that he was her best — and only — a true friend.
It was no surprise that she came downstairs to find Rhaenyra sitting on her couch drinking wine. The woman was fiddling with her cell phone, legs spread in an inelegant way and the position that would make Alicent freak out if she was any of her children. Still, all the omega could think about was how beautiful Rhaenyra looked.
Rhaenyra had certainly gone back to fencing, her body now decidedly more muscular. Alicent barely had time to notice it before, but the alpha had pierced her ear. As if she were a teenager!, Alicent thought, scandalized.
“Did you get the pajamas?” Rhaenyra spoke when she noticed her standing there, making Alicent's stomach turn with her husky voice. Rhaenyra couldn't have missed her there, probably giving Alicent time to glare at her.
Smug as ever. Obviously.
“I found one of your old pajamas. You can use the guest room to change, but afterward, I'd like to talk to you for a bit,” Alicent said, handing over the clothes and seeing Rhaenyra nod, her head tilted in clear confusion.
Alicent ignored her and picked up the empty, untouched glass that sat beside the wine. She glanced at the label, not surprised to see it was a sweet Arbor wine. She knew those were the woman's favorite and in her mind came only the memory of Rhaenyra's last birthday they spent together when they traveled to the island and drank so much wine that they forgot their own names.
Those were good times that never came back.
“I think I should apologize for nearly spoiling our evening,” Rhaenyra returned, already getting straight to the point. Alicent looked up at her, noticing that Rhaenyra had turned down her pajama top and was wearing only a black top.
Alicent’s eyes immediately latched on to her exposed abdomen and how defined she looked now. Alicent swallowed hard, noticing how Rhaenyra's scent deepened with tension. She looked up, feeling herself blush at the other woman's familiar gaze.
"I must…" Alicent mumbled, getting lost in her own train of thought. She cleared her throat, looking away from Rhaenyra. “We are hurting our children with all this fighting.”
Getting straight to the point wasn't what she wanted, but it was inevitable. And she noticed as Rhaenyra sat down beside her, that she was tense too. The alpha sighed heavily, as did Alicent herself.
“I don't know where we went wrong, to begin with,” Rhaenyra said, sniffling subtly. “I know I fucked up, but I don't remember anything, Alicent. I even tried recordings of the company hallways that night, but they're gone. You may not believe me, but it's the truth.”
The desperation in Rhaenyra's words nearly made Alicent flinch. She sighed aloud, leaning her head back against the couch. Inside her, something was telling her that the woman spoke the truth, most likely it was her soul bond. The most honest thing in the world was the mutual feeling that people could feel through the bond.
“We fought incessantly back then, Rhaenyra. The brothel was just the icing on the cake, really,” Alicent knew that was a lie, the fights between them were never that bad. Their worst arguments came after the breakup. “And the brothel… how do you explain the scent of Daemon on you now? Weren't you at odds with him?"
Rhaenyra laughed under her breath, shaking her head angrily. Alicent turned to look into her eyes, almost shuddering at how hurt she looked.
“I've confronted Daemon three times this week for different reasons, but chief among them was finding out he was involved in the company leak,” Rhaenyra replied, finally losing her puppy-dog look. She looked furious. “In the midst of the money confrontation, he let everyone know about finding me in a brothel.”
"So finally he admitted he knew," Alicent stated thoughtfully. She noticed how angry Rhaenyra was and started releasing pheromones to calm the alpha.
They hadn't revealed anything about why Rhaenyra had left the house, nor did the kids know, but Rhaenyra confronted Daemon about the coincidence of his message and the place she was founded. He always denied he knew anything, and no one could prove it was a lie. Any journalists who had photos from that day had been coerced into deleting them.
“He not only knew everything, but he also made a point of exposing it to the conference. You should have seen old Beesbury's face when he realized, with disgust, where I had gone. He did it on purpose and I don't doubt for a second that he had a hand in drugging me and throwing me down that hole,” Rhaenyra argued, her voice rising by the second with her anger.
“You've always been an example to your shareholders, Rhae, even at a young age,” Alicent murmured, not sure what Daemon wanted. She looked up at Rhaenyra and remembered the few moments before that fateful day.
They had gone to a company party, where Daemon, Rhaenyra's only uncle and only Targaryen with claim to the family's company, was. He'd made yet another joke about Alicent being frigid and Rhaenyra needing someone to heat her house, something Rhaenyra tried to silence with a glare that didn't do any good. He probably noticed how the two excused themselves to the bathroom, where they argued for a long time.
“I'm sure he planned all this, he wants to take over the company and go over my head. I only regret that he believed he needed to end my family to do so,” Rhaenyra said, her voice dropping to a whisper, pitiful and pained. “I could have lost the company, but losing you was the worst thing that could have happened to me.”
Rhaenyra rose suddenly from the couch, pacing back and forth. Alicent could feel all the alpha's despair, but she could only stay in her own feelings. She'd been awful too, mostly because she hadn't listened to Rhaenyra all this time. She didn't know she could trust Rhaenyra, but that tightness in her chest told her the alpha was telling the truth.
"We destroyed everything because of a lie," Alicent murmured, before looking up at Rhaenyra and staring directly into the other woman's violet eyes. “I destroyed everything because of a lie."
“You were right, Ali. That's what makes me the angriest, because how would you not believe that if it weren't for our fights? Who could have told you that you were wrong to believe that I was there because I wanted to be? That's what makes me most furious,” Rhaenyra exclaimed, her voice trembling with her anger as well as her pain.
Alicent rose and hugged Rhaenyra's body tightly. The taller woman immediately hugged her back, clutching her waist as if she were a glass of water in the middle of the Dornish desert. Alicent couldn't hold back her sobs any longer, starting to sob incessantly as the tears spilled out hard. She felt her forehead wet with Rhaenyra's tears as well, the other was equally frustrated.
The pain, the resentment, and the two years away that were like an ordeal only made the tears increase. Alicent had tried all this time to say that everything was fine, but in Rhaenyra's arms after so long, she could see how much she had lied to herself. Those arms were her refuge and her body almost ached with the happiness of being back in them. But there was so much to discuss, so much to say, so much hurt, not just the accident.
“Rhaenyra,” she murmured, hearing the other woman hum softly. Rhaenyra's wet lips touched her forehead repeatedly, the alpha emitting calming pheromones and stroking her back in an almost motherly way. Alicent sank deeper into her scent, trying to breathe as much as she could there.
After more than seven hundred days, she finally felt able to breathe again. And though the smell of fire had been uncomfortable before, it now felt as welcoming as ever. Alicent could only stay inside, wanting to forget everything they had yet to talk about.
“I can't ask you to forgive me for everything I've done, not even for our children. One way or another, I've always been a fool to believe that Daemon should have a place at our table,” Rhaenyra said, pulling away just so Alicent could see those tear-filled violet eyes. “And he just wanted to destroy us, destroy our family. It's all my fault."
“I don't think you should apologize for something that wasn't even your fault, Rhaenyra. This…” Alicent paused, not knowing what to say. She looked up at Rhaenyra again and saw how broken the other woman looked.
In almost the literal sense of the word, Rhaenyra Targaryen did not look like the woman she fell in love with at all. She was still incredibly beautiful, but the shattered look she had, along with the dark circles under her eyes, made it clear that she was just a shell of what she was. Alicent wanted to feel sorry for her, but all she felt was guilt.
When it all happened, she knew Rhaenyra wouldn't be able to cheat on her. She knew the woman spoke the truth, but chose not to believe her. Rhaenyra had done everything for her, but the fights had only strained their relationship. Not believing Rhaenyra back then wasn't entirely her fault, but Alicent herself now could only believe so.
“I at least am able to speak the truth now,” Rhaenyra whispered, letting out a rueful laugh. “I still need to get to the bottom of this, investigate everything, clean up my image. But at least now you believe me… I guess.”
“I believe, Rhaenyra,” Alicent immediately said, cupping the taller woman's face and pulling it to her. She connected their parties, letting their tears mix on the floor. "I guess I always did, but I didn't want to go back after all."
Rhaenyra sighed and Alicent let her nose touch the alpha's. She didn't know what she was reaching for, but her hands sought out the silver hair and she gripped them with some force. Rhaenyra returned the gesture and grabbed her hip, pulling her impossibly closer. Her breaths seemed connected and the tension was almost painful after so long.
A moan came from one of them as their lips finally connected in a euphoric kiss. It was clumsy, but Alicent thought it was perfect. She let her fingers intertwine more tightly with the other woman, kissing her hard and working her way to Rhaenyra’s mouth with her tongue.
Rhaenyra leaned into her, letting Alicent dominate the kiss and try to take everything from her. The Targaryen's hands were sliding down Alicent's back and their kiss grew deeper and deeper. Alicent just let go of Rhaenyra's lips when she felt her breath catch, but Rhaenyra was immediately on her neck, kissing her and sucking that area hard, especially where her mark, still existing, was.
“Ali,” Rhaenyra sighed aloud, her teeth leaving a new mark just below her soul bond. Alicent pulled the silver hair in her fingers and heard Rhaenyra's growl immediately.
The alpha fell back onto the couch, pulling her into her lap. Alicent pulled her in for another kiss, their tongues fighting for dominance. The closest contact made Alicent's body boil and she wanted to get everything out of the alpha. The longing was the strongest feeling between them at that moment, and reflected in their actions: the hands that never stopped touching the uncovered pieces of skin, the lips that didn't move away, and the smell of love that vibrated around the room.
“My love,” Alicent whispered, feeling the tears return. She pulled back just enough to look into Rhaenyra's face, her messy silver hair, and her darkest violet eyes. "I'm sorry."
“I'm sorry, Alicent,” Rhaenyra replied, leaning down to place a light kiss on her lips. "It won't fix what we've messed up all this time, but..."
Alicent leaned forward, pressing her body deep against the other woman, who moaned softly and threw her head back. Rhaenyra's hands found her ass and Alicent flashed a knowing smile. How predictable she was.
“We can fix this if we want to. It's going to take a while, but…” Alicent trailed off, her hand softly stroking Rhaenyra's hair. The silver-haired woman seemed obsessed with her movements and her scent was almost suffocating. "I still love you."
Those words made Rhaenyra shudder and Alicent felt the moment the other woman sobbed again. It was Alicent's turn to hold her tightly against her chest, carefully stroking the back of the woman she loved. It was obvious that the rift between them had been great, that Alicent had never listened to Rhaenyra, and that Rhaenyra herself had no proof of what had happened.
But she loved her more than anything. Rhaenyra had saved her, more than once. Rhaenyra had given her the things she loved most on the face of the earth. Alicent couldn't trust anyone else in the world, and she was tired of it.
“I love you so much it hurts,” Rhaenyra sobbed low against her chest. Alicent felt her tears fall as well, wetting the woman's silver hair. “I'll do better, I swear to you. I will investigate everything and I will prove to you that it was not my fault.”
“Rhae,” Alicent called to her and when Rhaenyra looked up, she gently wiped away the other woman's tears. “We will resolve all of this, in time. Slowly, of course, children don't need two confused mothers. But…"
“I understand and agree,” Rhaenyra nodded repeatedly. She leaned over and kissed Alicent's lips softly. “What do you think about going to that restaurant with Reach food on Friday?”
Alicent chuckled softly at the other woman's tone, wiping the last of the tears from her eyes and then kissing her softly. Rhaenyra pulled her closer and tried to deepen the kiss, but Alicent stopped her.
“Friday is the day of Aegon and Helaena's end-of-year celebration fair. I hope your invitation is extended to our four children,” she replied, emphasizing how many children they had. Rhaenyra wasn't fazed, she climbed her hand to the other woman's neck and pulled her to her.
"We take them out to dinner and when we get there, I'll have you for dessert," Rhaenyra replied and that made Alicent laugh out loud. She punched the other woman, who broke into a happy smile.
“You're an idiot if you think I'm going to let you take me to bed so early,” Alicent stated immediately. Rhaenyra raised her eyebrows, looking at Alicent's position on top of her and the omega even tried to get up, but couldn't, because of the possessive hand on her ass.
“First, talk a lot,” Rhaenyra confirmed, though she was feigning an eye roll. “Then a month of courting you. And then…"
Rhaenyra tried to slide her hand up her shirt and Alicent leaned down enough to bite her shoulder, making her scream. Alicent released her with a laugh, while Rhaenyra pretended she was in pain.
“If you wake Jacaerys or Aemond, you'll put them to sleep,” Alicent said and Rhaenyra nodded with a mock pout. She leaned in and Alicent met her halfway, starting to kiss her carefully.
Rhaenyra's hands were moving up her body, but they both knew nothing would happen here tonight. The worst part was over, but they still had so much to work out. Though Aegon's joke was still on her mind, Alicent needed time. (Her body shivered over Rhaenyra's, inside her legs was a still-familiar wetness and her scent was pure arousal, but she had to ignore all that for now.)
“Now, do you want to watch something on TV or do you want to go to sleep?” Rhaenyra asked quietly as the kisses passed and Alicent sighed. She pulled away from Rhaenyra a little and already knew what would come out of her lips before she even said it aloud.
“Let's go to bed, Rhae.”
Her sentence had the expected effect: Rhaenyra cringed nervously, blinking several times to try to understand if she had heard correctly, which drew laughter from Alicent. She gently squeezed the alpha's shoulder before lifting herself off her lap. Alicent ignored Rhaenyra as she checked everything was closed and put the wine glasses in the sink, she would wash them tomorrow.
"Are you serious?" Rhaenyra asked, shocked. She nearly tripped over her own feet, making Alicent laugh again. The brown-haired woman pulled Rhaenyra off the couch by hand and walked with her to the stairs.
Standing one step above Rhaenyra, Alicent turned to face her and placed a hand against the alpha's chest. She cast a serious look at Rhaenyra who flinched —just like any of her four children did when they were being scolded.
"We aren't going to do anything, Rhaenyra Daella Targaryen, I mean it," she stated seriously and Rhaenyra nodded several times in agreement. The alpha leaned down enough to bury her face in Alicent's chest and her hands caressed the omega's waist gently.
“Do I need to make a pinky promise?” Rhaenyra asked, genuinely, but there was a bit of mockery in her words. Alicent landed a small punch on her shoulder that made her laugh.
Taking Rhaenyra back to the room they'd shared for over six years was dangerous, Alicent knew, but she did it anyway. Something inside her kept trying to make her disbelieve the alpha, but she wanted Rhaenyra to know that she was really willing to go back to the way they were.
Alicent left Rhaenyra to snuggle up in bed while she went to check one last time that her children were asleep, passing by all of their rooms. She snuggled Helaena better into the sheet, placed Jacaerys in a more comfortable position, and wiped away the drool that was dripping from Aemond's mouth, before entering the eldest son's room.
She almost had a heart attack when she saw the boy's cell phone light on under the blanket, with him muttering something to himself. Alicent was immediately irritated, pulling the blanket over him. Aegon screamed, startled, and flinched when he saw the anger in his mother.
“I can't believe you're awake yet!” She exclaimed, pulling the phone from the boy's hand. The game of weapons was not unknown to her, but she ended the game by turning off the cell phone.
“Mom, it was just a play! It's not even midnight yet!" Aegon snapped, eager. He looked like he regretted having disobeyed her.
“You have an established hour to go to bed, Aegon, you know that,” Alicent said wearily. Her son nodded, looking regretted.
"I came downstairs to tell you that I couldn't sleep and ask permission to play with the guys but you were… busy," the boy replied and Alicent saw the tease there. She rolled her eyes at the boy who tried to contain a smile and failed.
“You don't get your cell phone back until tomorrow night,” she said, turning to leave.
Aegon looked like he was going to snap back, but he must have realized that she would only increase the punishment so the boy remained silent. Alicent shook her head, moving closer to cover him and kissing the top of his head. She mumbled an "I love you" again and gave her son a warning look, and he returned the words, still with that pout on his face. He looked at Rhaenyra it almost hurt.
“Aegon was awake?” Rhaenyra herself asked as Alicent entered the room, placing her son's cell phone in the drawer and nodding at the woman. “I thought I smelled him in the room.”
"At what time?" Alicent asked, confused. She got under the covers, feeling her body touch Rhaenyra's hot body almost immediately. The alpha pulled her close, kissing her head softly.
“Do you want me to answer you or pretend we haven't traumatized our son for life?” Rhaenyra snapped, her mocking tone matching Aegon's. Alicent punched her lightly, making the woman laugh before Rhaenyra pulled her on top of her body.
Alicent obviously went willingly and buried her face in the alpha's neck, smelling her perfume and the one underneath that was just Rhaenyra's. Alicent gripped the other woman's waist tightly, thoughts at a frightening speed. She was already dreading what would happen tomorrow and was already starting to regret her decision to ask Rhaenyra to sleep with her when the alpha pulled her face toward her.
Rhaenyra touched her lips in a soft kiss, her hand caressing Alicent's face carefully as her mouth tried to discover places she hadn't discovered. Alicent let Rhaenyra's tongue touch hers and leaned in enough to be lying completely on top of Rhaenyra.
The kiss didn't have that heat anymore, it was softer and more loving. As if finally, after so long, they were home. And Alicent knew that the hands sliding between their bodies were the promise of more, but one more that meant the future. Not now, but in the future. And if she was being honest, Alicent was more than willing to have wild sex, and have multiple babies with Rhaenyra in the future.
“It's a new beginning,” Alicent murmured, pulling away from Rhaenyra's lips. The omega sighed at the scent filling the room, then groaned as Rhaenyra's icy foot touched her ankle. “You should have put on warmer clothes.”
"What if I have you to keep me warm all night?" Alicent blushed and buried her face in Rhaenyra's neck, feeling the taller woman hug her tightly. "I won't let you down again, Alicent. I will be the best version of myself that I can be, as long as I live. I will be the best mother to our children too.”
It was a promise and Alicent could feel it. She leaned in, kissing the other woman's shoulder and breathing in her scent deeply. She could tell she totally believed in alpha after two years. She knew and felt it was true.
Alicent felt herself being drawn into the dream world slowly, with Rhaenyra's scent taking her calmly. Rhaenyra's grip didn't waver for a second and that made Alicent feel safe. She was already calmer than she had been in a long time, just as she was happy that everything was all right.
After a long time, Alicent Targaryen could say that she was finally at peace.
(The next morning, it was Jacaerys who woke them both up, shouting that the Seven were already carrying out his request. Aegon wore a look that varied between utter disgust and mild teasing throughout the day, but he looked so happy that Alicent didn't scold him. Helaena spoke aloud over breakfast that she had dejavu with that before. And Aemond forced Rhaenyra to teach him a complete word in High Valyrian for all to hear.
Lentor.
Family.
The family they were and would never cease to be, as he told everyone. This brought tears to Alicent's eyes and her hand found Rhaenyra's on the table. They would work to keep that family together now that the storm had passed.)