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As a bronze sponsor of the annual Million Bulb Walk held at the botanical gardens, Skye Auto Repair received four complimentary passes to the popular event. Aptly named, the Million Bulb Walk featured grand light displays throughout all the outdoor spaces. LED trees, rope lights shaped into thematic murals, old school twinkle lights on the eaves of every building. It put the Grizwolds’ house to shame.
Kylo Ren, co-owner of the garage, sat in the office finishing paperwork on the day the VIP tickets arrived. His cousin and partner, Rey Skywalker, slapped two of them next to his writing hand.
“What’s this?”
“Front row seats to the Oscars,” Rey said, and tapped the cardstock. “Read the damn tickets, Ky. What do you think ? We get them every year for our sponsorship.”
Kylo slid the passes toward Rey. “And every year you take Finn, Rose and Paige to ooh and ahh at all the lights,” he said. Kylo was hardly the humbug, but he often passed on such public displays of merry. The Million Bulb Walk, in particular, triggered memories he preferred to lock away.
“Rose and Paige can’t make it this year. I told you they’re spending the holidays with their extended family in Vietnam.” Rey spun around and reached for the coffee pot. “Everybody else I know already has their tickets, so you might as well use those.”
“Give them to a customer, then,” Kylo said. “Besides, even if I wanted to go I’d only need one pass.”
Rey paused in her search for a green packet amid all the sweeteners by the coffee service. “No? What about Hux?”
Kylo stiffened. “What about him?”
“Ask him to go,” Rey said, and slid the passes toward him.
He pressed his forefingers on the tickets. Across the desk, until they bumped Rey’s mug. “He takes his kids every year. Said so himself. Phasma, too.”
“These aren’t reserved spots, Kylo. Use one pass and meet him there. Drive up together.”
Kylo shook his head. “It’s kind of a family tradition for them. I don’t think–”
Rey slammed down her fist, right on the tickets. Here they came again. Her hazel eyes flashed, showing off her exasperation.
“Ask. Him.”
Kylo leaned back in his chair. Rey meant business. Any firmer and she’d have pounded a hole right through the desk.
“I’ll think about it,” he said.
Rey gave a sharp, singular nod. “I’ll know you’re telling the truth when I see the smoke coming out of your ears.”
~*~
“Ben?”
Ben Solo muttered a silent curse before turning in Armitage’s loose embrace. He thought they were tucked away well enough to miss any passing interest from spectators. The twin expressions of consternation wrinkling his parents’ faces revealed a different story.
It then occurred to Ben that he should have worn something else besides his letterman jacket. Only so many six-foot-plus all-stars attended his school. It quickened the process of elimination for Leia and Han Solo.
Armitage, less conspicuous in his black wool peacoat and matching toque, quickly withdrew his arms and hugged himself. It was dark out with a light drizzle of snow, they were standing amid several thousand of the advertised million lights illuminating the gardens, and despite the grandiose display Ben’s parents zeroed in on them.
“Ben,” Leia repeated. “What are you doing here? You said you had a late practice.”
“Uh, yeah. Coach let us go early.” Caught in a lie. The wrestling team hadn’t met today at all. Ben wanted a proper date with Armitage on a Friday night. They’d circled each other in the halls and the school parking lot for weeks, presenting themselves as friends by virtue of proximity in various classes. Inwardly, though, Ben yearned to hold the tall, ginger-haired senior close and kiss him silly.
He thought they could hide in plain sight at the Million Bulb Walk, and hold hands and nip at each other’s mouths and necks in the dark while the displays distracted the general public.
Instead Ben offered Armitage a silent plea for forgiveness as his parents tugged him onto the walking path to join them for the rest of the evening. Either Armitage blended too well with the dark or his parents chose to overlook his existence; Ben figured the latter. No scenes made in public.
A dozen steps away, and the crowd closed in around Armitage, blocking him from view.
“So good of your coach to release you early, on a holiday,” Leia was saying. “Now we can enjoy the lights as a family.”
“Right,” said Ben.
~*~
Kylo stared down at the passes Rey left behind and suffered the memory they triggered. If she knew what had transpired at the Million Bulb Walk all those years ago, she likely heard the Solos’ version because he never uttered a word about it.
The guilt weighed him down, for decades. He failed to defend Hux that night, just as he failed Hux months later at the prom. They planned to consummate their relationship. Ben had reserved a room, paid up front with cash. They got sidetracked kissing near the restrooms and a teacher caught them.
The nightmarish echoes knifed sharp through Kylo’s mind. The accusations, the pejoratives, the pleading. Two young men in rented tuxedos crying as they were pulled apart. The anguish in Hux’s eyes when his father practically tossed him into the back of their car still haunted Kylo.
Days later, Kylo had barely unzipped his blue graduation gown when his parents handed him a plane ticket to California. You’ll stay with your Uncle Luke . The preacher. No further explanations needed.
The buzz of an incoming text brought Kylo to the present day, and he smiled on seeing Hux’s name. Kylo followed the greeting with an emoji. Their reunion, orchestrated by Rey and Hux’s two teenaged children, provided some balm to decades-old wounds. Six months after reconnecting at Hux’s birthday dinner, they talked regularly and went out a few times but had yet to progress beyond the heated goodnight kiss.
Still, it was something.
Are you free tonight? I have an extra pass to the Million Bulb Walk.
Kylo flicked his gaze to Rey’s discarded tickets. You usually go with your family . Is everything ok? he replied . Plus Phasma. While not related to the Huxes, Phasma served as surrogate aunt to Hux’s kids since his wife’s passing.
The second he hit send, Kylo wished to undo the text. He sounded resistant, when in truth he was overjoyed Hux wanted to go out with him.
Hux replied:
Of course. Phas volunteered her ticket this year.
She thought you might like to come.
TBH, I’d like to bring you. 🙂
Mara and A.J. would like it as well.
Kylo smiled at that. Still unmarried, he never considered having a family. The idea of one day becoming a stepdad, particularly to the young Huxes, warmed his heart.
I’d like that, he texted, and as it turns out…
~*~
Close to sunset, Kylo parked his Harley and waited at the entrance for the Huxes and Phasma. The wind swirled cold and heavy around him, and he immediately regretted his lack of headwear. His helmet sufficed for the ride, and this left him only with his gloves and leather jacket for warmth.
He spotted Hux right away, despite his date hiding his bright red hair underneath a dark knit cap. Hux’s style had changed little since high school. Kylo swore the man was wearing the same peacoat from their last visit together.
“Kylo, is that enough to keep you warm? Here.” Hux fussed over him, removing the striped scarf from around his neck and draping it over Kylo’s shoulders. “Let’s at least cover your ears.”
Kylo noticed young Mara Hux’s glow at the gesture. The girl might think he planned for this. He winked at her. “Cover my mouth and you’ll have a hard time understanding me,” he warned.
“I suppose I’ll have to stand very close,” Hux said.
Phasma, well bundled in fake fur, scoffed. “That’s it. My teeth are rotting to hear this. We’ll see you at the sculpture garden,” she said, and tugged at Mara and A.J. to follow. Headed straight for the food trucks, no doubt, and warm to-go cups of cider and cocoa.
“The sculpture garden is where the walk ends ,” Hux called out to their retreating forms, and his voice softened, “oh, but you’ve turned a corner and disappeared.” He turned to Kylo and smiled. “Should we chase them down?”
Kylo shook his head. “No, let me show you something first.”
~*~
Several local businesses sponsored the Million Bulb Walk, and contributed their light display ideas to the event planners. “This is our fifth year,” Kylo explained as he and Hux walked a winding path through the conifer gardens to where the Skye Auto Repair display stood. “The design is always themed to suit our garage. Rey takes pictures of the end result but I’ve yet to see one in person. I have no idea what Rey sent them this time.”
“I’m sure it’s impressive,” Hux said. They slowed their pace to take in the multi-colored meteor shower lights hanging from the trees. Rope lights were wound around trunks, and small projectors staked in the ground cast rotating snowflake designs on the path. “It’s quite different from the last time we came here together. It’s more animated.”
Thank kriff. No meddling parents to intercept them, for one. Even if Han and Leia showed up tonight, Kylo had zero interest in socializing with them. “Yeah, the technology really raised the bar,” Kylo said, then more softly, “I’m surprised you come back every year, considering.”
“It’s something beautiful I wanted to share with my kids. I refused to let your parents spoil it for me.” Hux stopped to let a few couples pass and he pulled Kylo closer. “I’m sorry if they still haunt you here.”
“They haunt me everywhere.” Kylo shook his head and looked Hux straight in the eyes. “I never returned here specifically because there’s nobody else I wanted to see the lights with.”
A snowflake projection glided between them, illuminating Hux’s face. Kylo caught the shine in the other man’s eyes and longed to catch the tears before they spilled. He smiled.
“It’s just around the corner here.”
Propped on a large easel in a patch of green space, a pink LED display shaped like a Cadillac greeted passersby. A neon animated Santa sat in the driver’s seat, with Rudolph in shotgun. The light sculpture had two right hands for Santa, which alternated lights to create the illusion of waving. Blinking lights on the tires simulated motion as well.
Tacky, yet appropriate. “So, this is what five hundred dollars and a link on the garage’s website to the event gets you,” Kylo said.
“I love it.” Hux snapped a photo. “There’s a bench. Let’s sit and take it all in.”
Huddled next to each other, Kylo and Hux let the other spectators shield them from the wind as they stopped to admire Santa’s Caddy. During lulls in the crowd, they squeezed in close until Kylo finally wrapped the scarf around their faces. The thick knit blocked their view, but as far as Kylo was concerned they were the only two people here anyway.
“You shouldn’t lick your lips in the cold,” he told Hux. “They’ll get chapped.” Their breathing slowed, warm on each other’s skin.
He sensed Hux patting down his coat pockets. “I don’t have anything with me,” Hux said, and Kylo moved in to kiss him. They slid their mouths over each other, tongues mating and teeth grazing, until Hux turned his face and tore them apart.
“I appreciate the gesture,” Hux said with a laugh, “but I think we’re making it worse.”
“I’m sorry.” It came out more anguished than intended. Hux tensed in Kylo’s arms.
“Kylo, I meant the chapping. I was only kidding around–”
Kylo shook his head, trying not to dislodge the scarf. “I’m sorry about the first time we came here, in high school. When my parents pulled us apart, I didn’t do a damned thing.”
Hux lifted his gloved hand to Kylo’s cheek, stroking his thumb near Kylo’s eye. “We were young, and we were scared. We certainly weren’t in any position to fight back.” Hux’s eyes took on a soft warmth in their little hideaway. “We’ve talked about this.”
More than once since getting back together. “I let you down,” Kylo said. “I just wanted to be with you, even if it meant living in a cardboard box. My parents tricked me into agreeing to stay home if they paid for my college, and letting me make my own decisions after I graduated. Instead they shipped me off to conversion therapy.”
Hux’s expression turned stony. “I didn’t know that part.”
“I debated on telling you. Please don’t think you’re responsible. It was all them,” Kylo said. “It obviously didn’t work. It’s why I ran away to join the Knights of Ren, and they helped me through it.” His old biker gang, his saviors and new brothers. Though he was no longer active, he still thought of them as family and kept in touch. “They know all about you, by the way,” he added. “I hope to introduce them to you someday.”
Hux smiled. “I hope to meet them. Kylo,” he dropped his hand into Kylo’s lap, “I’m sorry, too. I often think about the ‘what ifs’ and ‘should haves,’ if a different and better outcome might have occurred. I wanted to know if you were okay, and happy.”
“I am now. And since reconnecting with Rey and starting the garage,” Kylo said. “Sometimes I think we were meant to wait. You have two awesome kids, and I’m grateful they found me.”
Hux kissed him this time, expressing his gratitude. “I’m grateful that we get to finish the date we started here thirty years ago,” he said. “You know what else?”
The scarf drooped as they turned their heads toward the display. The Caddy still rolled in place; Santa still waved. Hux rested his head on Kylo’s shoulder.
“I’m grateful that Phasma and the kids and I took two cars to get here,” Hux said, “and that A.J. has a key to the house in case I’m… several hours late getting home.”
Kylo side-eyed Hux. The crowd was thinning, presenting them with a clear path back to the parking lot. “You think they won’t mind?”
“If they do,” Hux said, “I’ll text my apologies in the morning after we’ve had breakfast.”