Work Text:
the whole world is sleeping (but my world is you)
“Taehyung-ah?”
Hoseok calls softly as he knocks on the door to Taehyung's room. He doesn’t normally knock for all the other members’ rooms, he just sticks his head in the room to check before he enters, but with Taehyung it’s different. It’s always different.
With Taehyung, Hoseok is always hesitant, always so flighty that it’s a stark difference to when the others are touchy with him.
Taehyung is quite touchy with him, but not as much as Jungkook or Jimin. He is clingy like Seokjin but not as subdued and layback. Like Yoongi, Taehyung watches him with adoration, but Taehyung is more ardent and obvious with the admiration. And like Namjoon, Taehyung always wants to go out with him, but is secretive about it, unlike their leader who tells everyone they went out to this and that. Taehyung wants their little ‘dates’ to be just a little secret between them and Hoseok is fine with that.
But honestly, Hoseok isn’t fine with any of it anymore. He’s been bothered by how much he flinches, and how much he pulls away from Taehyung. He isn’t like this with any of the other members, so Hoseok is troubled by his reactions. He’s worried Taehyung would notice and think the worst of him.
So Hoseok has to figure it out, he has to know, but he can’t understand it all by himself, he thinks he has to figure it out with Taehyung.
So here he is, sticking his head in Taehyung’s room because knocking just feels so cowardly, even for him.
He strides in, ironically careful in his footsteps despite reassuring himself that he is not cowardly in anyway just a moment ago. He expects Taehyung to be on his phone, scrolling through any social media he’s gone incognito in, but what greets Hoseok is Taehyung on his stomach on the bed, face smooshed on his pillow, and phone limply held in one hand as if he fell asleep while using it.
Relief strips away the foreboding feeling stewing in his stomach, appeased at the thought of not yet facing what he thought was a turning point in their dynamic.
He steps closer to the younger, observing how peaceful and free of judgment his face is when he is asleep. Hoseok can’t help but place himself in front of the younger to sit down on the floor and admire him.
“Taehyung-ah,” Hoseok starts, voice soft, not wanting to wake the younger. “I thought I could do it.”
Taehyung’s lips purse in his sleep, as if subconsciously preparing for whatever Hoseok has to say. Hoseok breathes in, holding his breathe, afraid of Taehyung waking up having to do this face to face, but the line of Taehyung’s lips ease, slightly popping open, relaxing in his sleep. Hoseok breathes out shakily, continuing with his earnest thoughts.
“I thought I could tell you. That I see you. I feel you. I know what you’re trying to show me.”
Hoseok laughs quietly, feeling a little bit of a fool for having the confidence to say what he wants only to a Taehyung who wouldn’t even hear about it. He thinks if Taehyung was awake when he opened the door, he would have found an excuse and chickened out of it, but here he is now. Spilling previously unspoken words that were confusing before, but made sense now, vivid and true only when he could finally get them out.
“Everybody notices it, huh? When I don’t return the same affection you give me. When I always shy away from you. I’m sorry, Taehyung-ah, hyung is so embarrassed whenever you show me your love. It’s not like I’m ashamed of you, I am not. I just. . . I’m scared,” Hoseok sighs disappointedly, more for himself than for Taehyung who never held back when it came to Hoseok.
“I’m so used to getting so much love and having a close and beautiful relationship with all of you, that I’m afraid all of that might crumble if I wanted more than what I’m getting. I’m scared of it, of that aching kind of agony and confusion, the absolute confusion of getting what I wanted, and it’s fucking terrifying that I’m finally getting it because of you.”
“You,” Hoseok reiterates longingly, tracing Taehyung’s features with his gaze. Taehyung’s brows have furrowed in his sleep and it makes Hoseok think that he’s transferring his strong emotions to Taehyung and clouding his dreams with bad ones. Hoseok sighs again, trying to reign in his frustrations with himself for being such a coward. He wants Taehyung to have good dreams, the best dreams, so Hoseok lets go of his shortcomings to apologize and tell Taehyung something that he needed to hear from Hoseok.
“I’m sorry for taking so long, Taehyung-ah. I’ll try hard to give back as much as you give me,” Hoseok says softly, oh so softly that despite being low in volume the whole world knows it to be true.
And Hoseok means it, Hoseok would fulfill it. He’s going to meet Taehyung there, to the place where Hoseok was too afraid to step into. And he’s going, he’s sure of it. This little confession had cemented it. He’s going to tell Taehyung that, yes, he feels the same. That Hoseok wants Taehyung as much as Taehyung does him.
And Hoseok decides to tell the younger now, because he will say it again when Taehyung wakes up, and again the next day, and again the next week, and again and again. He goes on his knees, face close to Taehyung’s hair to plant a sweet gentle kiss to his head.
“I am in love with you.”
And the world knows that to be true too.
And when Hoseok leaves the room to sleep in his bed peacefully that night, he doesn’t know how Taehyung opens his eyes to cry into his pillow. He doesn’t know how Taehyung cries the whole night, because finally— finally, this time it’s Taehyung who gets to say, “I am in love with you too.”