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“Ichi, are you sure this is a good idea?” Nanba looked up at the tall ladder, leant against the side of the outside of Survive Bar.
“Hm?” Ichiban turned back to Nanba as they stood beside it.
Nanba avoided Ichi’s glance, still staring up at the ladder before them. “I mean… I’m not the strongest, and I’m kind of clumsy. Wouldn’t it be better to wait for Adachi-san or someone to get back?” He had a bad feeling about this.
“But dude, I thought you said you wanted to do the Christmas decorations together. ”
The emphasis on those last words made Nanba’s heart flutter more than he’d like to admit. “I do!” He quickly replies, “But I was thinking, like. The Christmas Tree and stuff. Not the outdoor roof decorations.” Putting ornaments and tinsel on a tree inside a nice warm building as festive music played in the background was one thing. Holding a ladder outside in the cold whilst your partner precariously attempts to hang a few lights was another entirely.
Ichiban, however, saw no difference. “Well, we can do the tree as well. Bartender said it would be easier to do the outdoor lights now before it gets dark.”
“I mean. It makes sense. But…” There had to be a good, logical reason, right? “It’s cold”
That was not one. “It’ll be even colder later on.”
His mind raced desperately for another reason that they shouldn’t be doing this. “I’m scared of heights?”
“Well I’m the one who’ll go up the ladder. You’ve just gotta hold the bottom and guide me.”
There was literally no good or logical reason. Anything he could think of was not much more than a bad excuse. “...” His eyes drop to the concrete flooring and his shoulders sag with a sigh.
Instantly, Ichiban could tell something was wrong, and his voice softened. “...Why do you keep making excuses? Are you ok?”
“... I just…” He crossed his right arm over his left and grasped his sleeve in a half hug or attempt at self comfort. “I feel like I’m bad luck. Whenever I help with something, it has a tendency to go to shit.”
Ichiban felt his heart sink at those words. He always did when Nanba badmouthed himself. He put a hand on his shoulder.“Come on dude, that’s not true!”
Nanba sharply shrugged Ichiban’s hand away, defensive as he stepped back. “It’s my fault the Liumang caught us and Mabuchi slashed open your chest!” The admission left his mouth before he had a moment to process it.
Ichiban’s breath caught in his throat, shocked. “... You’re still hung up on that?”
Of course he was still hung up on it. In Nanba’s mind, everything was a chain reaction set off by him. “If I were stronger or less clumsy I wouldn’t have fallen over with all those boxes and caused you to drop the counterfeit note.” He wasn’t strong. He couldn’t carry the boxes. He bumped into everyone. Ichiban lost the note. They were caught. And this was just but one example of a situation he saw this way. This specific example for some reason had decided that today, it would not leave him.
Even though Nanba was doing everything to avoid eye contact, Ichiban could still see it. The self-loathing. The fear . The fear that everything that involved him would only end in disaster. And perhaps, he feared that their relationship may end that way too.
“Yu.”
The use of his first name instantly catches Nanba’s attention. Forces him to make the eye contact he was so resistant to.
“It was an accident. And even if you hadn’t bumped into me, I probably would’ve dropped the damn note anyway. I’m not exactly the luckiest guy.”
“You survived a bullet to the chest and being thrown in the garbage”
“Yeah…But that’s only because of
you
.
”
That look in Ichi’s eyes as he said those words with what was clearly whole-hearted truth made Nanba’s cheeks blush red, something which he’d later insist was caused by the cold. He stutters to find a reason to disprove him.
“I…”
“Ever since you’ve come into my life, things have only ever gotten better. Sure I’ve been through some serious shit. We practically walked through hell together. But we came out the other side. I feel like if anything,” he took a step towards Nanba and lovingly nudged his arm, “you’re my lucky charm.”
Nanba almost scoffed, but instead slipped out a bewildered but emotionally touched laugh “Really? Because if anything you feel like my lucky charm.”
“Really. Well. Maybe even if we’re both unlucky, we balance each other out. We can be each other’s luck.”
The beginning of a smile formed on Nanba’s lips. “Sounds good to me.”
“And so… with our luck balancing out, there’s no way we’ll have any problems with this ladder, the roof, or the decorations!”
‘Nice way to bring it all back around,’ Nanba thought, but for once felt that the sarcastic comment wasn’t necessary. “I don’t want to be hasty and say no way we’ll have problems… But maybe nobody will die.”
Ichiban grinned widely. “Hey, that's pretty optimistic for you!”
“Ha. Thanks.”
“Alright. Just hold the bottom of the ladder like this…” Ichiban held the ladder firmly with both his hands and stood with legs apart, creating a firm stance as an example, “ And I’ll be up there and back down in a jiffy.”
“Ok. But before you do, let your lucky charm grant you a little extra luck.” Nanba pressed a kiss to his cheek.
Ichiban blushed slightly and grinned. “I’m the luckiest man in the world.”