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Words are a prickle that sticks into a person’s feeble, malleable mind once uttered with enough contention and intention and whatever else is to be there. It was supposed to make sense of what is happening in itself and try to make clear of what is believed to be abstract. Words were functionally great, obviously, just ask the poets, the lyricists, hell, even the blog writers who don’t even proofread the content they post. Haruka doesn’t seem to know that (or at the very least, was beginning to lose sight of that), which brings her to question herself: What the hell is happening to me? Am I losing sense of myself?
It was a mystery of dutiful accordance, one of which she doesn’t entirely understand (not yet, she thought), just when it started. It was a couple of months ago when MORE MORE JUMP! finished their stream and performance with Hayakawa Nanami. It had been a stressful feat for all of them, much more for a certain member, she saw; she witnessed. Haruka saw how much she worked harder than anyone else that day — how she had to continuously deal with those scrutinized sentiments of contempt on that stream. It wasn’t until Haruka felt a new feeling clogging up her heart like it was compelling the muscle to stop beating just so that person can bask in the spotlight (not that that person even knew; Haruka loved the blinding light on her) as she delivered her speech that day.
Even someone like me was able to stand up here and put on a show! We all took a big step forward! So it’s okay! This means you can do it too! If I can do it, so can you! Let's keep trying, together!
“You’re going to blossom into something incredible,” her own words were soft that day too. It contained enough mist to keep a warm heart from imploding in itself and enough warmth to drive the cold away — an indefectible solution of comfort and hope. She barely realized it that time. She wants to acknowledge it.
Especially now that they have finished their one-man live.
That feeling came back, flooding her with more ferocity than the adrenaline that surges through whenever ASRUN won an awards show ever did in the past. It might as well rival the feeling of having to be in the sight of her precious view, the view of royal blue and oceanic cerulean contained in neon plastic sticks, held by fans who love and adore her. No, but she can’t possibly compare it to just that.
This feeling was different. It was like an ever-changing word. Sometimes, she can say it with ease and relief, as if coming home after a long day of school or finishing a choreography without any mistakes. But at other times, it caused unrest and weariness, feeling like the world will suddenly drop on her shoulders once she utters them. Today, it was none of the two. It was simply as is. A simple soothing breeze settling above a sea that calmly meets sandy shores or a single dandelion dancing in a wide meadow, slowly losing its fluff by a quiet wind passing by, spreading its tiny petals where they land.
She heard an embarrassed (with the smallest hint of amusement) laugh that rattled her out of her thoughts. She can slowly feel the flush on her neck, curling itself upwards around the shell of her own ears. She put an unsuspecting fisted hand over her mouth, clearing her throat like she was hiding something.
(In which case, she sort of was.)
“What do you think of the pose I made just now, Haruka-chan?” At that moment, an awkward instance of guilt ran through her as she realized she was in the middle of idol business and she permitted her thoughts to wander elsewhere. “I thought it would add more flare to the choreography you made the other week.”
“I thought it was nice, Shizuku,” she said because that would be a far better response than painfully admitting she wasn’t paying attention to whatever the other idol was doing.
“You look like you were thinking deeply about something earlier, Haruka-chan,” Shizuku suddenly said, worry etching all over her face. Airi caught it if it wasn’t the obvious raise of eyebrows directed at her with utmost question that gave it away.
“What’s going on with you?” Airi asked, sitting next to her on the bench, Shizuku on the other side a couple of seconds later. “You’re normally composed when it comes to this. Are you feeling all right?”
Being sandwiched in the middle of a confrontation, metaphorically and literally, that’s what she felt like. It wasn’t as if she didn’t want to tell them or if she was scared of telling them. Telling Airi and Shizuku might be the easiest thing in the world, much easier than admitting it herself.
(Which did take her an awfully long time.)
Besides, they did teach her that she shouldn’t burden all her troubles alone. The logical part of her tapped around the table and told her that she needs to tell them because they would understand and help her.
So, she did tell them.
“How do you know if you’re in love with someone?”
A pin dropped at the question, its echo ringing far beyond the corners of their school rooftop to some building far away. If it were anybody else, Haruka would have grown weary at the silence forming at the moment after she asked.
“In love, you say?” Airi said beside her, dancing around the words, poking them, and playing them as if it was something she had done before.
“I was very busy when I was in ASRUN,” and the sentence gives voice to the fact that she wasn’t able to do that much when she was younger. “I was always busy with idol stuff, dancing, or singing in studios,” she shrugged. “I never really had time for love so I don’t really know how the entire ordeal works.”
“What about crushes?” She looked at Shizuku, perplexed at the question. She pondered for a moment. Crushes? Of course, she had crushes before. There was An in elementary school, although she would not admit that to anyone else. She vowed to take that to her grave and would remain silent about it even if someone had to go dig her up from the ground. There was also Nanami. She admitted that to the other idol but now that she looks back on it, she thinks it’s more admiration than it was a lasting romantic attraction. There was Shizuku when she first saw her. She admired Shizuku when they first worked together and even found herself staring at the other idol more often than not, because, come on, who can’t stop what they’re doing and not stare at Shizuku? At least, she knows Airi can attest to that.
(She needs to remind Airi her staring is so loud whenever Shizuku does something. Seriously, how does someone make staring a loud, loud thing?)
Then, there was also Mai. How can she even begin with that?
So, she settled with, “I had a few crushes, I guess,” accompanied by an indifferent and nonchalant rise in her voice. “They never really last or left a lasting impression but I’ve been attracted to a few people, I suppose.”
What was taking them so long? She saw Airi and Shizuku’s exchange of glances and a smile crept on Airi’s face.
“We idols don’t really have time for love, huh,” Airi said, casting her gaze down as if she just said the most shameful thing in the world. It was true though. Most idols never really find the time for love. They were either swamped with too much work or were not allowed to engage in relationships. Whatever it was, it sucked. Haruka knew that.
“But incessant crushes don’t really go away too so really, I’m just stuck,” she heard Airi groan and Shizuku laughed. She caught a glimpse of a scarlet hue landing on Shizuku’s cheeks.
“You’ve been in love, Airi?” Haruka was teasing. Airi was not exactly subtle in how she hides how breathless she gets whenever Shizuku throws a wink at her. But as a good little junior who just wants to piss off and make fun of her senior, she zips her mouth shut and worries about teasing Airi another day.
“I think so,” the idol said, her voice dropping an octave and one can feel the sincerity and longing in them. Then, Airi glanced at Shizuku. From the corner of Haruka’s eye, she can see Shizuku donning a smile that might as well reach her eyes by how wide it was. Truly, these two don’t appreciate the way Haruka is silent about her teasing at that moment.
“Yeah,” Airi said, lovesick and all, Haruka can hear it. “I think I have.”
Haruka thinks again. How did Airi find out? What made it so easy for Airi to say it? This feeling that had Haruka a mess for ages was just there, existing and is as is, and it was driving Haruka insane because it was starting to feel like the most normal feeling in the world.
“How?” She asked instead.
Airi thought of an answer. It looked like she was stuck as well.
“Sometimes, you just know,” Shizuku suddenly said, seemingly in the same headspace as Airi, like she knew exactly what Airi was talking about and she knew she was the one Airi was talking about.
Sometimes, you just know.
Honestly, when will Haruka know? She wasn’t in a hurry or anything, she just wanted to make sense of that feeling growing over her mind like they were grass weeds booming every crevice on the ground, leaving no crack unempty.
How does someone just know? Was it sudden like a lightning strike? Or was it quiet like a drizzle flooding away?
The door of the rooftop opened violently.
“I’m so sorry I’m late, everyone! Our math teacher is the cruelest person to ever live!”
The greatest betrayal comes with her heart that started hammering inside her chest as she tried to make her surface seem calm and composed.
“Minori, that’s fine,” Airi tapped Haruka’s back twice before she stood up and approached the newly arrived. “We’re just talking about stuff and all.”
“That’s good! I hope my being late didn’t affect our practice time.”
She looked in Haruka's and Shizuku’s direction and gave them a big smile and an even bigger wave.
“Shizuku-chan! Haruka-chan! Good afternoon!”
“You sound so energetic today, Minori-chan,” laughed Shizuku as she stood up from Haruka’s side.
“Just really excited for practice today!”
She glanced back at Haruka and gave her an even wider smile.
Sometimes, you just know.
Haruka unknowingly and knowingly smiled back. It was this same feeling at work again, closing in on her mind over and over. How does someone just know? Maybe it’s the perfect moment written in preordained premonition or maybe it’s just pure dumb luck but whatever it was, it was supposed to make someone just know when.
“Let’s go—! Hngg!”
“Minori-chan!” She heard Shizuku yell out.
She tripped on the bags in front of her, almost hitting her head. It was clumsy and anything but graceful yet Haruka was enamored still.
Haruka failed to contain her giggles as she approached her quickly, helping her up.
“You’re so mean, Haruka-chan,” Minori stared at her with a pout.
“I’m sorry, Minori,” she laughed, “I didn’t mean to laugh.”
Minori crossed her arms and her pout remained but there was that hint of pink on her cheeks and a feeling passed Haruka, like water rising as they walked towards the sea, and it was making itself known.
For others, it was unnoticeable and mindless, a minuscule detail that most people don’t even catch or even want to pay attention to.
But for Haruka, she knew, in that instant, what Shizuku was talking about.
Sometimes, you just know.
And Shizuku was right.
Worry and clarity submersed her, two things that don’t often interlace yet here they were, settling on Haruka, building a home in her heart, desperate to stay for a long time.
She longed to see that smile. She doesn’t know if she knew then and just found out now but all that mattered was that she wanted to keep seeing that smile for as long as it takes for time to run out in that metaphorical hourglass.
I think I might be in love with Minori.
“Crap.”
“Ah, the great Haruka Kiritani in the flesh!” Followed by a bone-crushing hug. “I missed you!”
“You saw me just last week, An,” she deadpanned, even while stuck in a pile of warm and tight hugs. “We watched a movie together.”
She let go and flashed Haruka her signature grin.
“Come on, Haruka. You love me.”
Haruka rolled her eyes, endeared, “Unfortunately.”
An nudged her with her shoulder and stuck her tongue out at her. Haruka retorted the gesture, causing the both of them to burst out in a fit of giggles.
“Here, come on,” An grabbed an arm, dragging her to an empty booth in the café.
Visiting WEEKEND GARAGE and talking to An was the first thing that came to mind that Saturday morning, abandoning all thoughts of her weekend morning routine.
(She did jog to reach the venue.)
Once seated, Haruka watched An retrieve something from the counter — a tray containing two mugs and two plates.
“This was supposed to be for Kohane and me but she said she’s going to be running late today,” An said once she put the tray on the table. “I figured we could eat it instead since you’re here.”
“What about Kohane once she gets here?” An put a plate of grilled cheese and a mug of latte on Haruka’s side and two of those on her own before putting the tray on the empty table behind them.
“I’ll just ask my dad to make another one.”
Haruka flashed her a smile as well, one filled with gratitude.
“What brings you to WEEKEND GARAGE on a Saturday morning?” Haruka made out the question from An’s muffled voice as the other girl chewed a bite of her sandwich.
“I just wanted to talk to you, that’s all,” Haruka said before taking a small sip from her mug of latte.
“You saw me just last week, Haruka,” retorted An, as a snide remark after taking another bite of her sandwich, causing Haruka to narrow her eyes at her. “What’s really bothering you?”
Minori. That’s what she wanted to say. She wanted to say to An that ever since she found out of her feelings toward her fellow group member last week, thoughts of Minori started to afflict her, some more recurring than others. She started imagining going on movie dates with the idol, holding her hand whenever she felt afraid and jumpy because of a scary scene displayed on the big screen. She started imagining taking pictures of the idol posing cutely with a penguin when they go on aquarium dates. It was Minori here, Minori there. Minori, Minori, Minori, they won’t let up. She’s proud of herself for keeping her sanity intact for so long but with this, they just kept tumbling down with each passing thought of Minori.
“Promise not to make fun?” Haruka put her mug down on the table, wrapping the marbled glass around her hands, and interlacing her fingers around it.
“I promise!” An made a display of putting her index and middle finger together, clad in grease and cheese from the sandwich she ate, imitating a girl scout pledge. It was An anyway, her longest friend. She trusted her enough to listen to her and maybe give away good advice.
“It’s Minori,” sighed Haruka and she felt flutters in her stomach at the mere mention of her name.
“What about her?” An sipped from her mug before she cleaned her hands with the paper towels available on the table.
“I’m in love with her.”
She certainly did not expect for the words to flow easily from her mouth. Her face grew warmer than the mug in her hand, stretching all the way down to the sides of her neck. It was the first time she vocalized it. She refrained from hearing it in her own voice because she was afraid her mind was only playing a game on her, that when she finally uttered it, it would be entirely different from what she was thinking, that it wasn’t real. But that wasn’t the case. She finally heard herself say it. It’s real and she can feel it.
What’s more surprising is that An doesn’t even show a whiff of surprise. No widening eyes, no agape mouth, no confused look, no exasperated and excited What!? None. Nada. Just a look that palpably says Why the fuck did you just find out now?
“What took you so long?” hummed An before taking another bite of her sandwich, looking at the bread with more interest than she did Haruka.
“What?” It was more of a demand than a question. “An, what do you mean?”
“This sandwich is really good, Haruka. I don’t know what my dad did with the cheese here but man, this is so good. Can I have yours if you don’t want it?”
“An!” Haruka never whines.
“Fine, that’s yours then,” she chomped the last piece of the bread and stood up, planning to go back to the kitchen. “I’ll just ask my dad to make me another one.”
“An, come on!”
An laughed and she sat back down, “Okay, okay! I’m just messing with you.”
Haruka pouted at her, to which An responded with, “Wipe that pout off your face, Kiritani, it won’t work on me.”
Haruka softened her features and shrugged, “Worth the try, I guess.”
“Now, where were we?” An picked up her mug and took a rather long sip from her latte, all the while closing her eyes, looking as if she was contemplating life’s greatest philosophical questions. Then, she released the mug with a clarity renewed and she looked at Haruka.
“Ah, so you’re in love with your groupmate and now, you don’t know what to do. At least all of us in my group have done that.”
“Exactly why I came to you,” groaned Haruka. “I was thinking of confessing to her.”
An whistled and grinned, “That’s bold. I support you all the way.”
“I’m just afraid she won’t reciprocate my feelings,” Haruka sighed forlornly.
An looked at her like she wanted to slap the living crap out of her.
“Are you seriously joking about this right now?”
“What now?”
“You’re worried Minori won’t reciprocate? Minori? As in Minori? The Minori that absolutely adores you? Are you fucking serious?”
“Language,” Haruka reprimanded her.
An looked at her incredulously, her eyebrows bristling to no end, and her eyelids kept blinking. Haruka knew she didn’t say anything that should have warranted that reaction from her friend. After a while or so, An closed her eyes and took a deep breath, whispering something to herself from what Haruka could hear as still such a dense piece of crap followed by some strings of curses. Haruka sipped her coffee again.
Another intake of breath and An finally opened her eyes and smiled at Haruka all so suddenly.
“Okay, so how do you want to confess to her?”
Haruka had zero prior knowledge. Her only knowledge of confessions came from romantic comedy movies but she knows those were incredibly unrealistic and just plain sappy, and she doubts she would be able to do something so grandiose.
“How did your confession with Kohane go?”
An let out an off-putting laugh, causing Haruka to raise an eyebrow at her. She sounded incredibly embarrassed. Haruka should take this as an opportunity to tease her about it soon.
“Oh, you don’t know?” Someone else’s voice stood beside them and Haruka watched as dread filled An’s features.
“Kohane was the one who confessed because this one here took so long. It was so embarrassing.”
“Akito, get the fuck out of here! And stop eavesdropping!”
Haruka watched as Akito emerged from her side, and gave her a smile and a quick wave of a hand before he walked towards one of the seats in front of the counter, away from both of them.
“That Akito, seriously. He’s such a snitch.”
“So, Kohane confessed and not you?” She made sure to add some teasing hilt in her voice. “You’re so pathetic.”
“We’re cut from the same cloth, Haruka, you’re no different than I am,” An poorly defended herself, crossing her arms but the flush on her face and the stutter in her voice indicated otherwise. “Calling me pathetic is like calling yourself pathetic.”
That is unfortunately true. Despite having drastic differences, An and Haruka still very much share an array of similarities, and it seems like being pathetic and having a hard time confessing is one of them, much to Haruka’s (feigned) disdain.
“Okay, that’s just a really bad take,” Haruka laughed, more bashful.
“How about I help you confess?”
And somehow, someway, she considered those six words her Almighty savior and dreaded tormentor that day.
A letter, An said. It would be easy, An said.
For the most part, it was.
Fourteen yellow pads later, she finished. Some were crumpled and left discarded on the floor whereas some were torn and scribbled all over, scattered across her study table. But thankfully she finished before 1 AM. Double-checked, triple-checked, quadruple-checked the grammar and words, recited them to herself like a prayer, and hoped that the feeling she was trying to convey reaches Minori. She might have sacrificed at least a decent two hours of sleep the previous night but this would be worth it once Minori reads her letter. She was an idol so she needed to remain hopeful of the outcome.
“Thank you so much for doing this, Kohane,” and she was in fact beyond grateful that An’s significant other and Minori’s best friend was eager to help her. “I promise I will treat you and An on another hangout soon.”
Haruka stood outside 1-A’s classroom, a sealed beige envelope (covered in brewed coffee scent) in one hand and unending nerves in the other. She was careful to not let Minori spot her and Kohane’s conversation.
“That’s too much since I’m just going to give her the letter, Haruka-chan,” Kohane laughed as she received the letter from the idol. “I’m sure Minori-chan would be delighted once she reads this. I was so surprised when An-chan added me in a group chat about your plans to confess to Minori-chan.”
“I told your girlfriend to not involve other people,” sighed Haruka as she leaned on the doorframe. “That An, she’s so unserious. She wanted to add Airi, Shizuku, and Mizuki-san. Thank God it was only you.”
“Oh, you haven’t told Airi-senpai and Shizuku-senpai?”
“I will,” she replied. “In due time. I want to surprise them.”
“Surprise them?” Kohane asked before she inspected the envelope in her hands.
“Once I confessed,” continued Haruka. “I think they would be really surprised. Although, I do feel like they already know.”
“Who knew the cool Haruka-chan had a really soft and sappy side too?” Kohane giggled and Haruka can feel her ears warming up at the sentiment.
“It comes out with people I’m comfortable with.”
Kohane gave her a bashful smile after she said that.
The bell rang not a few seconds later, indicating the end of their lunch break.
“Ah, it’s time,” Kohane told her as she tucked the envelope in her pocket. “Good luck, Haruka-chan!”
“I’m going to need it,” she laughed, nervous.
Kohane giggled and was that mischief in her laugh?
“Not that much.”
Haruka’s eyebrow twitched, “What’s that supposed to mean?” Did An and Kohane make a pact with the devil and swore to make it their life’s mission to be as terribly vague as possible when talking to her?
“Kiritani-san.”
“Haruka-chan!”
She stood up properly. She saw Ichika and Saki passing by.
“Hoshino-san and Tenma-san,” she smiled at them.
“Let’s go back to class together,” Ichika told her, with Saki nodding eagerly beside her, grasping Ichika’s arm.
Haruka nodded at them before she looked at Kohane.
“Thank you so much again, Kohane,” Haruka said. “I really, really owe you.”
Kohane grinned at her before nodding, “It’s really no big deal, Haruka-chan, I’m happy to help either way. I should tell An-chan to stop teasing you way too much,” Kohane groaned to herself and Haruka managed to let out a laugh at the display.
“That’s much appreciated.”
Haruka watched Kohane enter the classroom. She craned her head a bit, just enough to catch a glimpse of Shiho, Kohane, and Minori conversing with each other in a corner in front of the teacher’s table. She quickly caught Kohane talking to Minori, the letter behind her, and Haruka’s traitor of a heart started beating tirelessly in her chest again. She felt someone grab the end of her elbow, and suddenly she was wretchedly aware of herself again, how she was feeling. She looked at her side and saw Ichika and Saki’s worried expressions.
“Are you okay, Kiritani-san?” Ichika asked and Haruka could only nod, a smile following that gesture.
“I thought I saw a beetle flying in 1-A’s classroom,” and a poor excuse it was. What’s worse is that Ichika and Saki obviously don’t believe her as shown by the worried look on Ichika’s face and an amused one on Saki’s.
“Let’s go to our class now!” Saki settled in between Haruka and Ichika and hooked her arms with theirs.
Haruka craned her neck back as they retreated from 1-A’s classroom, waiting for a certain someone to burst out and chase after her but it never came. Maybe she’d have a better chance later on in their rooftop practice.
The only thing she needed to do was to survive her remaining classes and hope.
Haruka doesn’t know what happened and how it happened. It snowballed into a pavement of things that just happened and will happen. All she knew was that she was straightforward with her letter, told Minori she has feelings for her and hoped that Minori would like her back.
What she didn’t expect was being hugged rotten and spoiled on the rooftop by Minori while the latter sobbed into her shoulder. Airi and Shizuku looked incredibly baffled as well at the entire thing. They stood there, watching the entire interaction. Haruka wasn’t too sure if they were entertained or confused at what was happening. Most likely both.
“Haruka-chan, thank you so much for believing in me!” She heard a snivel from the other girl on the corner of her training hoodie but she supposes it was okay, it was the love of her life, after all. It was all washable.
“What?” Haruka blinked and she found herself hugging Minori back.
“Your letter!” Minori sobbed. “You said you hope your feelings of faith and love reach me and they did!”
Haruka gasped quietly and all of a sudden, she felt her heart picking up its pace inside her chest, threatening to burst out of its cavity. This must be it. This must be the moment she was continuously imagining, over and over in her head for days. Minori would tell her that she received her feelings and that there is a chance she likes Haruka back and—
“I hope you know that you’re the greatest friend I ever had!”
Okay, that wasn’t what Minori was supposed to say. It was either a reciprocation or a rejection. How the hell was she friendzoned?
Minori let go of Haruka and Haruka longed to be trapped in her embrace again.
With an arm, Minori wiped the tears from her eyes.
“Wait, let me just clean my face in the bathroom before we practice!”
And then Minori zoomed away, the opened letter dropped from her hands and it landed on the floor where Minori’s tears stained them.
Haruka stood agape, shocked, surprised, and other words that are synonymous with that.
“What the hell just happened?”
Airi’s response fully encapsulated her thoughts.
“Same question,” she breathed.
Airi approached her and picked up the letter. Haruka watched Airi’s reaction as the latter’s eyes ran over the letter, her eyes widening every now and then, and it ended with a crease of a forehead and a frown. That didn’t look too good. She must have said something that permitted Minori to have that reaction earlier. It was still very much a good reaction but it wasn’t what Haruka was expecting to receive. Airi shook her head rather aggressively and gave the letter to Shizuku, allowing the idol to read it as well. She watched as the taller idol skimmed over the letter.
Shizuku finished the letter with a silent Oh and Haruka felt confusion take over her. Was there something wrong with what she said?
“Haruka-chan, were you planning on confessing to Minori-chan?” Shizuku asked her carefully like she was testing and treading the waters around her.
“That’s the idea,” she said and felt scrutinized all of a sudden. “Why would she—”
“Because you only focused on your admiration towards her,” Airi laughed and it was endearing, truly, but Haruka was confused.
“Of course, admiration,” it was obvious, that’s why she answered that and wrote it in her letter. “I admire Minori. Don’t admiration and love mix?”
“They do but,” Airi shook her head and looked at her exasperatedly. “You gotta be more specific, Haruka. You waxed poetry about her skills as an idol, which I know you do but come on, I don’t think that conveyed your feelings properly. Hell, you even quoted Shakespeare. Seriously, what the hell is ‘Hear my soul speak. Of the very instant that I saw you, Did my heart fly at your service’ ?”
Airi said it with a terrible British accent and Shizuku laughed.
“It’s a quote from ‘The Tempest’ ,” shrugged Haruka. “It perfectly articulates my feelings for Minori.”
“Your feelings for Minori-chan?”
“I’m in love with her,” she finds herself saying this sentence over and over again in the past few days and if she says it more, it will have been the only thing that makes sense to her.
Airi and Shizuku looked at each other, not surprised at all or any of the sort. Might as well have been the perfect time to tell them. And they looked at her, rather fondly and understanding
“Why didn’t you just say that?” Airi asked and she was curious.
Haruka felt a warmth rising over her neck again, traveling to her cheeks as blood settled there, “I thought it was really corny and bland. I didn’t want to be corny and bland in my letter.”
Airi laughed. Shizuku laughed. She laughed too. She had to admit, that was a bit laughable.
“I’ve never seen you such a mess, Haruka,” Airi said and Haruka agreed woefully.
“You must really love Minori-chan,” Shizuku said in between giggles.
And she does.
She really, really does.
haruka: Your letter plan failed @an .
an: what???!!!! it was a good idea though!!! what did you do? what did you write in the letter?
haruka: Let me send a picture
haruka: *sent an attachment*
an: haruka what the hell why didnt you tell her you were in love with her you just kept complimenting her skills as an idol and how cute her smile is how was she supposed to know youre in love with her
haruka: Her skills are getting better. And her smile is really really cute and so warm. You saw it when she performed before
an: thats not exactly the point youre trying to establish here but.
an: ANDDD why do you even have a shakespeare quote there…
an: you dont strike me as a classical literature type
haruka: You’d be surprised what a simple Google Search can do, An
an: i missed elementary school when you were shy around me and not snarky like this
haruka: Get over yourself
an: OK SO.
an: i have a new plan. its very easy and im sure minori would SWOON once you get to it i swear
haruka: I am suddenly filled with fear and anguish
an: ………
an: @kohane can you come up with a new plan
an: this ungrateful jerk of an idol doesnt trust me anymore its like we dont have a whole history together im so heartbroken
haruka: I am now filled with relief
an: screw you haruka
kohane: an-chan, stop teasing haruka-chan too much
an: do you see how she treats me though :(
kohane: do you see how you treat her though
haruka: Team Kiritani - 1, Team Shiraishi - 0
an: SEE!!!!????
kohane: you guys are too funny (ᗒᗜᗕ)՛̵̖
kohane: to answer your question, haruka-chan…
kohane: what about something simple again? like sending your feelings through text?
an: see haruka?!!! my kohane is really really really amazing!!! you should be thankful and happy we included her in operation get haruka together with minori: mission possible
haruka: Mission Possible?
an: youll get it in due time
haruka: You suck so bad, An
an: screw you haruka (2)
haruka: Anyways.
haruka: How would that work? @kohane
kohane: hmmm maybe send her emojis? like hearts and cute things like cats. something to convey your feelings to her ｡◕‿◕｡
kohane: minori-chan looks like she appreciates small things like that i’m sure she would love it if it came from you
an: I THINK I HAVE THE PERFECT EXAMPLE
an: WATCH AND LEARN KIRITANI
an: 🐹👑🎶 @kohane
an: DO YOU GET IT KOHANE??
an: hehehehehehehehehe hehehehe hehehehehhehehhe heheh hehehehehhe
kohane: ………
kohane: 🎤🥰❤️ @an
an: …………kohane you. YOU. kohane oh my god
an: 👩❤️💋👩
haruka: I understand
haruka: Please stop flirting in the group chat now
haruka: You have your private chat for that
Haruka sat upright from her bed and closed their group chat. She opened Minori’s chat and smiled warmly at the good night message the brunette sent her an hour ago. She wondered if Minori was asleep now. But as she checked, it was only 11 in the evening and she figured the idol must be catching up on schoolwork. She sent two emojis.
haruka: 🕯️❤️
You warm my heart.
She felt like it conveyed what she meant as her hands tightened on the phone. Not a few seconds later, there was already a text bubble that popped up. Minori saw her message already.
minori: haruka-chan what?
minori: wait a minute.
minori: OH………
Haruka smiled, toothy. Kohane’s plan must have worked like a charm.
minori: OMG OH NOOOO OH NO HARUKA-CHAN!!!!! (´;︵;`) IM SO SO SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS!!!!!!
minori: if you need someone to talk to im here for you okay? take care for urself i love you ( ◜‿◝ )♡
Haruka’s almost eyes popped out of their sockets. What the hell was that even supposed to mean? Minori did say those three words but that’s entirely what she is focusing on because what?
haruka: What?
minori: ik that losing a loved one is very hard and sad ｡:ﾟ(;´∩`;)ﾟ:｡
The only thing dying is Haruka’s sanity.
Haruka groaned. Maybe she was getting out of tangent. A candle and a heart? Maybe that shouldn’t have been her first choice. Maybe she needed something more obvious and hard to ignore. Like a marriage.
haruka: Wait, no. Wrong emojis
haruka: 👩❤️👩👰♀️💐
Surely, a marriage would be enough to convey romantic feelings towards Minori, right?
minori: YOU WANT TO ATTEND A WEDDING JUST BC YOUR LOVED ONE DIED? ಠ_ಠ
minori: THATS REALLY REALLY BAD HARUKA-CHAN ಠ︵ಠ
minori: YOU SHOULD MOURN PROPERLY U KNOW (• ▽ •;)
Haruka should mourn, as Minori eloquently says to her. She was close to getting to it already. Honestly, Haruka thought this was getting ridiculous. She literally just sent an emoji of two girls getting married.
haruka: 🏳️🌈👩❤️👩🫶🫵
Minori would know what this means. She has to because if she didn’t—
minori: yes i am a lesbiem (◕ᴗ◕✿)
minori: lebsain
minori: lsebiam
minori: lesbein
minori: uhm
minori: #LoveIsLove ＼(^o^)／
Haruka sighed. Then, she smiled. And laughed childishly. She was more endeared than anything. Far more endeared than anything.
haruka: That’s okay
haruka: Take your time <3
minori: lesbian
minori: YAYYYYY (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*.✧
haruka: YAY :D
Her smile hurts her face now. It was stretching her face more than any smile she did in the past. It was fluttering, a gentle feeling again. She didn’t mind it at all, not one bit.
Is this what being in love feels like? Was it sharing kaomojis and mistyping the word lesbian? Was it getting endeared over typos and allowing damned emojis to get lost in translation, and still enjoying it and feeling strange, electrifying feelings forming in your stomach? If it was, the old Haruka would have steered clear out of it, run towards the highest hills, and just focus on idol work and school because what was written above was just bordering on insanity.
But this was Minori.
It was always Minori.
She still dreamed of her that night and she was smiling in her sleep. She had to explain to her mother she was dreaming of penguins overtaking their house when she woke up and the older woman was experienced enough to know that Haruka was telling the truth but in truth, she wasn’t.
Penguins and thoughts of Minori make her smile in her sleep.
“An added Shizuku and I to your group chat with Kohane,” Airi said to her before she stood up and did her final stretches.
“I saw,” grunted Haruka as she easily reached her toes. “That An, seriously.”
“I’m still a bit offended you didn’t add us from the get-go but reading what you’ve been through last night was enough compensation.”
“Shut up,” she groaned as she stood up, frowning at the smug smile on Airi’s face. “Please remove that look off your face. It’s not funny.”
(It was a bit funny, Haruka thought.)
Airi laughed, “I may have an idea to help you.”
“You’ve been talking to An,” she said before she let out a relieved sigh, finishing her stretches with a few raising of arms.
“An is really great.”
And she was.
“You know, I used to have a crush on her when we were kids,” she let out a small smile at the surprised look on Airi’s face.
“Oh? That’s new information.”
“I was a loner before and An was one of the more persistent people who kept approaching me until I let her in and then we started competing over dumb stuff,” she laughed, reminiscing. “It was really intense, at an elementary level, of course.”
She paused and pursed her lip, “Then one day, she just started shining around me for no particular reason. There were sparkles that surrounded her whenever I looked at her. It made me think there was something wrong with me. Little Haruka was already being driven insane.”
Airi hummed, “Sparkles?”
“Yes, sparkles,” she picked up her water bottle and gripped it. “I felt really weird. Maybe it was nerves, I guess? I thought she just packed glitter everywhere but that’s not the case. It was a dumb crush. Maybe it wasn’t? I don’t know. I even asked her to stop being so bright and just leave our school. She was so offended and confused, it was so funny.”
She laughed at the absurdity of it but she was a kid and kids do and perceive things differently so really, can she be blamed for asking her crush to leave school once she started making her feel weirdly good things?
(And Airi listened to her curiously, looking like she was taking every word to heart.)
“So, whenever you look at Minori,” Airi began slowly and there was a curious intent scrawled all over her voice. “Do you also see sparkles?”
Haruka thought of Minori like she was the last thing her brain can ever think of.
She thought of her radiant smile and her melodic laugh. Thought of how Minori’s blush covers her entire face whenever she starts talking about her favorite idols. Thought of how her eyes seemed to beam and brighten the place every time she spoke optimism and hope. Thought of how her energy and mere presence is enough to render an entire room transfixed on her. She came back to thoughts of Minori, just Minori, and her heart, ever the traitorous organ it was, started to pulse again at a speed she couldn’t keep up with. And it wasn’t sparkles that she saw.
“No, I don’t see sparkles.”
It wasn’t the sparkles that surrounded An back in elementary school. It wasn’t the reflection of zircons stricken by sunlight that followed Nanami. It wasn’t the glow of kaleidoscopes that shone on Shizuku when she first saw her (which was probably what Airi sees; she needed to ask her or tease her about it soon). It wasn’t the spark of fluorites that Mai walked under.
It was strikingly bright, that’s all she knew.
So, what was it?
“Stars,” Haruka said. “I see stars.”
“Stars, huh…”
“It fits, doesn’t it?” It made sense to her, sort of a puzzle finally being completed after a long time without its missing piece. “Minori is a star that even stars themselves revolve around.”
Airi was surprised and so was Haruka. Airi was looking at her with this look that she uses whenever Shizuku and Minori say something utterly implausible, and Haruka should be worried Airi was using that look on her because it happens rarely. Very rarely.
Then, Airi fondly smiled at her before letting out a soft chuckle.
“Yeah, I’d like to see something in Shakespeare’s ‘ Tempest’ top that.”
“I don’t actually read Shakespeare, Airi.”
“And thank God for that.”
They laughed.
Haruka felt good.
As their laughs died down, she asked, “What was your idea again?”
The trust Haruka has in Airi’s plans and ideas is immense. She can’t deny that many of Airi’s ideas are more than useful and creative when it comes to their streams.
“Haruka-chan, why are you wearing a basketball jersey?” Shizuku asked, a breathless hilt in her voice.
But this one, telling her to wear a jersey because Airi heard that Minori likes it when Haruka talks about basketball therefore would like to see her play basketball, was the most insane one yet.
“How am I exactly going to play basketball on the rooftop, Airi? We don’t really have space,” Haruka looked around again, the ball trapped in between her right arm and waist. “And a basket.”
There was a silence that followed her question. She didn’t think about it too much though. Her hair is held high in a ponytail, her bangs cascaded on the front of her forehead, and she can feel the wind passing on the nape of her neck. The jersey was more than comfortable and loose, a good mixture of blue and orange, for obvious reasons really. She doesn’t know why she chose the jersey that wrote number 2 when the number 1 was available.
(Only she does know and it’s because Minori was number 1. Only Minori doesn’t play basketball.)
She looked at the people in front of her.
Airi was staring at her and there was a flash of pink on her cheeks, and so was Shizuku. And Kohane. And also An, who was smuggled in by Kohane. Haruka made a mental reminder to make posters of An’s face with a Do Not Let In warning printed on top of it be displayed outside of Miyamasuzaka’s gates.
“Why are you all looking at me like that?” She needed to ask them because their staring was never going to stop.
“Because Haruka,” An was also breathless and she didn’t take her eyes off her. “You look so good.”
The others seemed to have to share An’s sentiments as they nodded, Shizuku nodding eagerly. Haruka flushed and let out an embarrassed chuckle.
“Stop,” she held the ball in front of her face to block them out. “I don’t look too good.”
“Are you even hearing yourself?” Airi said and it sounded like she was reprimanding her and it looked like she was. “If Minori doesn’t swoon, which is very, very impossible by the way, I’ll have to take you away from her.” She felt more blood rushing to her face. “Either that or she needs to share,” Airi looked to Shizuku. “You don’t mind, right?”
“Not at all,” Shizuku said with too much enthusiasm. “As long as you don’t.”
Haruka felt her flush deepen and she buried her face in the ball. She heard them all release amused laughs. But still, that doesn’t solve the dilemma of where on earth she was going to play.
“How am I going to play? Minori’s coming up in a few more minutes.”
“Just make a show out of it,” Airi shrugged. “Just dribble and stuff.”
“I don’t think that’s a sound plan at all.”
“I have an idea!” An suddenly exclaimed. She removed her tie and blazer, folded them messily, and put them on the nearest bench. She returned to Haruka, hung her hair in a ponytail, and grinned, “We can pretend we’re playing.”
“There is literally no basket. How many times should this be said?”
An hummed contemplatively and put a finger under her chin, and later it seemed like a lightbulb lit above her head as she said, “We can practice our dribbling and steals instead,” An looked to the other three people on the rooftop, “Seems legit, right?”
None of them nodded but An missed that as she looked back to Haruka quickly.
Haruka still thinks it’s a pretty bad plan. No way someone is going to believe them practicing literal basketball on a roof with a small space and no basket. Why did she even agree to this? Right, to impress and inevitably confess to Minori.
“Okay, so you and An do whatever you do there,” Airi pointed at the more spacious part of the roof. “And Shizuku and I can perform our stretches here. While Kohane,” she paused, thinking.
“I’ll just watch An-chan and Haruka-chan,” Kohane replied as she signaled toward an empty bench.
Airi nodded as she and Shizuku walked toward where her phone stood on its stand. Haruka heard some workout music playing from where they were and decided to do a quick stretch. She passed the ball to An, who started to dribble and play around with it.
“You’re not going to stretch?” Haruka asked as she stood on her tiptoes and stretched her arms into the air.
An continued what she was doing, “I don’t really need to stretch.”
She merely shrugged the remark off and continued her stretches, “Your body might hurt the following day if you don’t.”
“I can handle that.”
“Suit yourself.”
After two minutes, she cracked her neck and shook her palms.
“All right, let’s go.”
“After this,” An passed the ball to Haruka and she had to recover quickly from the small force carried by the suddenness of it. “After you confessed and whatever and you have a girlfriend now, I was wondering if we could go to Vivid Street’s open basketball court some other day and you know, play with a basket this time?”
Haruka stopped her dribbling and looked at An. An stood up straight, “For old time’s sake.”
Haruka resumed dribbling and smiled, “There’s nothing I would want more.”
An grinned widely at her. Her features suddenly turned mischievous as she ran towards Haruka, attempting to steal the ball from her. Haruka evaded her and ran towards the other side, and made a shooting gesture, accidentally letting go of the ball, and letting it hit the fence.
An used this as an opportunity to steal the ball from the ground and dribbled it across the rooftop, Haruka trailing right behind her.
“God, we look so stupid!” An laughed as she kept avoiding Haruka’s attempts to steal.
Haruka agreed with her.
“No, just you!” She grinned as she successfully stole the ball from An and ran to the other side, throwing the ball towards the fence.
“That’s four points already for me,” she mocked An playfully.
“You are so going down, Kiritani,” An replied, cracking her knuckles.
“Oi, you two!” Airi yelled at them. “Minori is on her way up! She just texted me!”
Nerves filled her a bit and they shouldn’t since she was not going to confess, not directly at least. Airi did just tell her to flirt in a basketball jersey but still, it was enough to make her mind go blank.
“Come on, chin up, it’s just a performance,” An said.
For a few moments or so, they continued what they were doing. It didn’t make sense from an outsider’s perspective, playing basketball without the basket in an enclosed and less than spacious rooftop, but anything for love, right?
“Guys, I did well on my test in Math!” She heard Minori’s voice a couple of seconds after An threw the ball on her side of the court and paid no mind to it but the beating in her heart sped up, quite impossible to pay that no attention. An gave her a pointed look from where she stood so she shook off her nerves and continued playing, pretending as if the penguin queen to my penguin king didn’t just arrive.
(She blames her brain terribly so for that nickname.)
“Wait,” that inquisitive tone in Minori’s voice and she mentally prepared herself. “Is that An-chan!? In Miya!? How did she get here!? And is that…” Minori paused and Haruka made sure to tilt her head to the right (Airi said it was her good side) and extend her arms more while she dribbled the ball.
She tried her best to contain her smile at the way Minori looked at her. Her mouth was agape and her eyes were wide and they were looking at Haruka. A flush started to cover her face faster than the speed of light and Haruka wanted to beam but unfortunately, she mirrored Minori’s reaction as well.
Haruka hated to admit it but having Minori’s eyes on her and only on her when ASRUN was still together made her heart race.
(She had her eyes on Minori ever since she had stumbled upon this very roof that fateful day.)
“Hey, Minori,” Haruka stopped her dribbling and put the ball between her left arm and waist, putting her right on her waist. She almost laughed at how An almost tripped when she attempted to steal the ball from her. “I didn’t see you there. When did you get here?”
An snorted from where she stood. She was sure she also heard Kohane barely curb her giggles.
“Haruka-chan…” Minori whispered shakily. Haruka dropped the ball and took shaky steps forward until she was in front of her.
“Haruka-chan...in a basketball jersey…” Haruka let out a short laugh and dipped her head, embarrassed.
“Do you like it?”
“...I’m dead and in heaven already… right… This is what heaven is.”
“No, it’s not,” Haruka replied sheepishly and her neck was terribly warm. Inexorably, this wasn’t the feeling those high school jocks feel whenever they win a match.
Heaven is you and you only , that’s what Haruka would have replied or she would have retorted a flirtier and more playful Heaven will never be heaven without you or a basketball-related pun befitting of an idol of her stature.
She didn’t reply anything at all, not one peep, because she received a response from Minori instead.
“Minori!?”
Minori passed out.
Haruka caught her before she fell to the floor.
She heard the other people on the rooftop approach them.
She carefully sat down on the floor and gently let Minor’s head on her lap. The sun shone on Minori’s face and she cracked a smile at how the other idol looked in her slumber.
Haruka sighed and groaned inwardly. She never got to confess. Maybe once she wakes up soon?
“I guess she really fell for you, huh?”
Haruka wanted to smack An’s face.
“Stop your brooding already,” An attempted to comfort her. Keyword, attempted.
After yesterday’s failed attempt of a confession (she still doesn’t consider it as a confession than it was just a show-off, really), Haruka’s hopes had dwindled a bit, which wasn’t the usual case for her.
She was currently in WEEKEND GARAGE yet again, sitting in one the seats in front of the counter where An was behind it, both elbows propped as she looked at Haruka with this expression akin to pity. It was 6 PM but she finished all her easier homework at school and there was no practice scheduled.
“Confessions are harder than what these movies make it out to be,” she grabbed her glass and gulped down its contents, craning her neck up. She slammed the glass down the counter and looked at An gruffly as she wiped her lips with the back of her wrist.
“Another one?” An asked her.
Haruka nodded as she picked her wallet from her pocket, “How much?”
An shook her head and patted Haruka’s shoulder, “It’s on the house.”
Haruka smiled shortly at her. An turned around and grabbed a pitcher of the drink Haruka just downed. The other girl poured Haruka’s glass and stopped as it reached the brink. She hasn’t touched it yet.
An fetched another glass and poured one to herself.
“Here’s to failing spectacularly,” An said as she raised her glass, and despite how much Haruka resented that sentiment, it prompted her to do the same.
“Here’s to failing,” Haruka smiled.
And they both downed their glasses.
A few seconds earlier, Haruka saw An’s father, Ken, come out from the kitchen. He spotted them immediately, his face confused and dumbfounded.
“An, Haruka-chan,” he was worried, Haruka could tell by the urgency in his voice. “You’re minors. Why are you drinking— and in a public place too?”
“Dad,” An stressed and cut him short. She looked at him long and hard, with one quirk of an eyebrow. “It’s iced tea.”
Ken blinked at them.
“Mine has mint,” Haruka quipped.
“But why do you both look like—”
“We’re only pretending, dad,” An laughed. “Come on, keep up.”
Haruka barely contained a smile, so did Ken.
Ken left them alone after asking how Haruka’s been and other related questions, and even asked her questions about MORE MORE JUMP!, to which she gladly answered.
“Any course of action you got planned?” An asked.
“Not this time,” Haruka’s fingers drummed on the table continuously. “I feel pathetic.”
“We had a conversation about being pathetic in the same WEEKEND GARAGE just a few days ago.”
Haruka glared at her and An raised her hands in defense.
As of now, she didn’t have any more ideas. Her brain was churned out as she recalled her previous actions. The letter plan went sideways, the emojis started a misunderstanding (she still thinks about it, sometimes, she laughs about it), and the more current basketball skit didn’t accomplish anything.
Haruka heard a phone ring across from her. It was An’s.
“It’s Kohane,” An grinned that wide grin she makes whenever talking about Kohane.
She answered the phone, “Hey!”
Haruka saw sparkles in An’s eyes again and she wondered. Was that how she looked whenever she talked about Minori? Was it even worse? Dreadfully, she didn’t know if she would find out.
“Oh no, it’s only a few people here, slow day, I think,” An seemed animated. “Yeah, Haruka is here too!” An pointed the phone to Haruka. “Haruka, say hi to Kohane!”
“Hi, Kohane,” she greeted and received an enthusiastic hey Haruka-chan in response.
“Sure, I’ll wait for you here,” An’s voice was light but her words sounded like vow. “Stay safe. Okay, okay. I’ll see you later,” An smiled softly and then a flush settled on her face. “Love you, too.”
Haruka gagged, feigning annoyance but there was still a big smile on her face and she gently punched An’s shoulder, the latter waving her off.
The call ended and An looked happier than when she answered it.
“Practice?”
An nodded, “Akito and Touya are coming too. Just polishing off some points for our performance soon. It’s going to be a big one.”
Grinning, she replied, “Good luck. You guys are going to do great.”
“Thanks,” An grinned back at her and sighed dreamily while cleaning the insides of the wet glasses in front of the counter, “I just love the feeling of adrenaline when you sing and dance on the stage, you know? Sometimes, it’s just like electricity.”
Haruka saw a flash of green before her lips curled upwards.
“I know perfectly what you mean.”
If there’s one thing Haruka understands and chooses to understand over and over again, it’s performing. It’s the magic of dancing that pumps an idol’s blood and becomes their life force on the stage and it’s the glimmer of hope that surrounds them whenever they sing their songs.
She loved performing and so she understood An. She understood An perfectly.
Then, she had an epiphany. Everything was clearer than broad daylight and it came crashing to her in a continuous wave of lightning strikes but it was quiet and it wasn’t violent.
Instead, it was seeing Minori happy in a show together with her.
“I can’t believe it,” she muttered to herself, releasing a disbelieving laugh. “The answer was just in front of me all along and it’s only now I see it.”
“Haruka?” Curious, An raised an eyebrow at her.
She laughed, hope restored more than ever, “I think I know what to do now, An.”
She spent a good three days preparing. Emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Physically? Not so much. She managed to get help from a couple of friends and they generously allocated much time to help her.
(It was KAITO-san that helped her. She sat through both helpful and unhelpful rants about how he confessed to MEIKO-san and Luka and he kept repeating that he was pathetic when it happened, and as much as she was endeared and finds the entire ordeal absolutely adorable, she thought he was just like her. There was a pattern, she remarked. Was there something wrong with people who have blue hair and having to confess to the people they like? She needed to ask Ichika for more input about this and maybe start a thesis paper in the future if she gathers enough evidence.)
Haruka liked energetic songs more than mellow ones because they make her more optimistic but slow and romantic ones are good too.
That’s why she was going to sing one to Minori once she arrives on the rooftop in a few moments. She already dragged an unused chair on the rooftop for Minori to si on and she borrowed a small black bow tie from one of her penguin plushies (as she cannot find the time nor money nor place to get a real one) that sat on her training hoodie thanks to her good friend, double sided tape. It was simple and perfect.
She just needed to pull through.
She inhaled deeply.
“Airi-chan and Shizuku-chan said you needed me here for an important thing and— Oh? Haruka-chan?”
Haruka was too busy mellowing in on her thoughts before she realized that Minori had already arrived. She turned around and she needed to stop herself from just confessing right there and then. Minori wasn’t even doing anything. She was still in her uniform and she was wearing that confused look again.
“Minori,” Haruka did a dance in her head when her voice didn’t crack. “Sorry for being so sudden,” she gestured towards the chair in front of her, a good four feet away. “Please sit down.”
Minori followed her and sat on the chair.
“I have something to say,” she thought her voice was shaking but she held strong. “I don’t know if I will be able to get this through and do this but I hope I do so that I can finally convey my—”
She stopped because Minori giggled.
It was melodious as Haruka always thought it was.
“You have a bow tie,” Minori giggled again as she pointed at it.
Haruka’s heart was making a decision to leap out of her ribcage.
Haruka smiled at her and acted confusedly as she can before she looked down at her clothes, at that impeding bow tie Minori pointed at, “Yes, I have a bow tie.”
Minori grinned at her.
Her heart skipped a beat.
Haruka stared. For a good ten seconds.
“I want to sing a song to you,” Haruka blurted out immediately.
Minori was surprised and Haruka managed to spot the warmth rising to the other girl’s cheeks, even if it was blocked by the orange tint of the sunset.
Haruka cleared her throat and tried to compose herself.
“I want to sing a song to you,” she clasped her hands together as a sign of composure. “To convey my feelings for you.”
“Your feelings,” Minori whispered, trailing off. “For me?”
Haruka nodded and smiled. Her lips were shaking but it was now or never.
She had her phone in her pocket and it was already connected to the speaker that sat on a nearby bench.
She pressed play and the gentle sounds of piano keys filled the air, adding ambiance to the sunset just behind them. In the calm and serenity of the music, Haruka found ease to lose herself in the melodious tone.
The tune was treading on until the part where she needs to sing. And she inhaled a deep breath.
The melody came to a stop and just as Haruka was about to sing, to finally let her feelings burst out of her as they longed to be freed days ago—
Having trouble sharing your voice? Share your voice using Grammarly!
Silence. And Haruka couldn’t even find the nerve to stop it.
She was, quite literally, about to share her voice.
She stared at the speaker incredulously. Her mouth was hanging open and she couldn’t care less about the flies that would enter it if she hung it open way too long.
The only thing that stopped her from wrecking the speaker was Minori’s contained laughs.
In her entire life, she had never found a moment where she despised ads.
Until now.
Why was there even a Grammarly ad? It’s literally outside of Japan’s range. Though, she supposes capitalism wins this one.
(She wanted to crush her phone, crush the speaker next, and then go to the nearest radio and crush them. It was all metaphorical and she didn’t want to do that, but in that short moment, she did. She really did.)
She found herself again and managed to pause and exit.
She groaned out loud and refused to look at Minori. She put an embarrassed hand over her eyes, a flush creeping on her neck until she felt it cover her entire face.
“This is not how this day was supposed to go,” Haruka said and she heard a bit of sadness in her own voice. “Everything is ruined.”
“Ruined?” Minori was worried about her.
She let her hand loose on her side and she stuck her head down, avoiding Minori’s gaze.
“I was about to confess to you,” she finally said. “I was going to serenade you and then I was going to say how much I—”
Her breath hitched. She looked at Minori, who stood up now, and approached her.
Minori was close now.
Haruka swallowed the lump forming in her throat.
“How much I like you,” she finished and Minori’s eyebrows shot up and there was a small hint of pink rising on her cheeks.
“I really like you, Minori,” Haruka lets her words take mind of themselves. “The letter, the emojis, the basketball with An. I wanted to show you how much I liked you and this was going to be my perfect moment and—”
She looked back to the speaker and frowned.
“Stupid Grammarly ad,” she muttered and looked away.
She might as well call An, tell her to get her mint iced tea ready, a whole pitcher of it, and warn her of a whole day of her brooding. Maybe only when she does that will she get her confession right.
She felt a warmth on her right cheek.
She looked back, shocked, and she caught Minori pulling back, and looking at her bashfully.
Minori kissed her cheek.
(She wanted Minori to do it again.)
“I really like you, too, Haruka-chan,” Minori smiled at her, and Haruka’s world came crumbling down.
“You do?” She whispered and it was faint because she couldn’t believe it herself.
Minori nodded enthusiastically and said, “Thank you for all of your efforts, Haruka-chan,” Minori blushed again madly. “Gah! I can’t believe I’m so dense! This is so embarrassing of me!”
Haruka laughed, a prolonged laugh, not out of disbelief this time, but out of relief and happiness. It wasn’t how she pictured it at all but this was perfect.
Because Minori likes her.
Minori looked at her again and she giggled, “Hehe, Haruka-chan likes me back. You’re so cute.”
Haruka wanted to explode.
“You’re cuter,” she said and it was worth it because Minori smiled so wide and hid her face from her.
There was no better way to say it. KAITO-san did tell her there was no such thing as a perfect confession and she should have believed that.
Haruka heard her phone ping a few seconds later. It was a message from An.
an: what happened? how did it go?
Haruka remembered the earlier events and groaned. She showed the message to Minori and the other idol laughed before a look of realization settled on her face.
“You and An-chan were planning this!?”
Haruka laughed awkwardly and scratched the nape of her neck, “It has been an eventful two weeks.”
“Two weeks!? You’ve been planning this for two weeks!?”
Haruka laughed at her reaction.
She looked back to her phone and decided to finally reply.
haruka: Disastrous
An replied not a few seconds passed.
an: WHAT!??
an: how are you though? r you okay?
haruka: I’m very very very happy, An
an: what the hell
an: why
Haruka looked at Minori again, and smiled.
haruka: She likes me back :)
an: OH HELL YEAH