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Foolish shot up awake sweat rolling down his forehead. The dream or rather nightmare had seemed so real, the images and words were still spinning round his head. He barely registered that he was in his own bed, exactly where he and Punz had fallen asleep together just a few hours ago.
In his panic he didn’t even register the warm body still lying by him. It wasn’t until there were a few mumbles and a hand grabbing his that he realised that Punz was beside him awake.
“Wha- Foolish?” His voice was still sleepy as he slurred his words a little, it was clear that he just woke up. Guilt flooded in with the panic and soon he was back in his nightmare. Punz berated him for being a burden as everyone around him left.
It was harsh and a part of his brain knew it wasn’t true with the hand that tightened against his but it still made his heart beat fast and breathing quicken.
“Foolish? Please listen to me, you’re okay. Everything is fine. We’re just lying in bed, in our room and you’ve had a bad dream okay? It was just a dream, nothing real.” Punz tried to soothe him but it didn’t do much, he didn’t even know if he was being heard. “Foolish, follow my breathing, okay? Just follow what I do.”
The hand holding his started to tighten for a few seconds then loosened but never let go.
“Breath in,” the hand tightened, “and out,” the hold loosened again.
It took a few attempts before Foolish could properly follow along. His breathing slowly returned to its normal pace and for the fog to disappear and the world to build up around him again.
He was in his room. Punz was beside him and not going to leave him. It was all just a nightmare.
“Hey, there you go. You’re okay, just relax.”
“Punz?” He knew it was him that was lying next to him but he wanted the confirmation. The darkness of the room hid his features away leaving Foolish looking desperately at a darkened figure for reassurance that he hadn’t been left alone.
“Yeah, it’s me, you’re here with me.” The hand that was holding his gently tightened before moving to interlock their fingers instead. “Just give me a sec.”
There was a rustle before the warm body next to him left and the bedside lamp flickered on. The light, still warming up, let out a dull but warm orange glow. It was enough for Foolish to get a proper look at Punz without hurting his eyes from a sudden change in lighting.
After finally seeing Punz in the light, Foolish’s stomach sank. Punz looked tired. The bags under his eyes were slightly more visible and his face was puffy from being woken up after little sleep.
“I’m sorry, you can go back to bed, it was only a nightmare, I’ll just stay up for a bit longer.” Foolish moved himself so his back was against the headboard, he still kept his hand intertwined with Punz’s but used his other to run his fingers through the blonde's hair. He knew there was no way he was going to get to sleep anytime soon, too scared of the chances that he’d be plummeted back into the nightmare fueled land, back where he was alone, left to face his biggest fears.
The hand that was in Punz’s hair was removed by a gentle hand on his wrist and soon Punz’s body was sitting up next to his. “I’d rather stay up and make sure you’re okay Foosh,” a light hand came up to cup his cheek as his thumb brushed away a few stray tears, “do you wanna talk about it?”
Foolish opened his mouth to try to describe the dream but before he could even say anything, he felt his heartbeat pick up again and his breathing shorten. Just trying to think about it caused the panic to build back up, so before it could get worse he shut his mouth and shook his head.
“That’s okay, we can just cuddle, see if you can get any more sleep.”
“‘M sweaty though, feel disgusting.” Foolish whined. Words were not coming easy with his tiredness and the lingering anxiety from the nightmare.
“Let’s get you some new clothes, quickly change and get back into the warmth of the bed.”
He felt Punz’s hand on his back guiding him to the edge of the bed where he forced his numb legs to move to hang over the side so he was sitting up. That alone made him want to flop back down and just lie in bed, his body was tired and heavy, even the slightest movements used up his energy.
“C’mon let’s just get you in new clothes and we can lay back down again.”
“I want one of your shirts.”
Punz just gave him a soft smile and opened up their wardrobe and started the search for the most comfortable shirt and pyjama trousers. When he finally found a pair of fleecy pyjamas, he handed them over and stuck his head back into the closet to find a t-shirt leaving Foolish to change into the new clothes.
Despite living together for months now and changing in front of each other more than once, Foolish appreciated the moment of privacy Punz gave him. Right now his head was all over the place, he was trying so hard to think about anything but the nightmare but it still kept creeping its way into his head. He felt more vulnerable than what he was comfortable with and he didn’t like it.
“Here’s a good shirt, it’s one of the comfiest.” Punz handed the shirt over without looking, still keeping his gaze on the wardrobe. Foolish could tell he wasn’t actually looking for anything but just giving him time to change his top.
Throwing his old pyjamas to the side of the room by the laundry basket - he couldn’t be bothered to walk over and lift the lid, he’d just fix it later - he wrapped his arms around Punz’s waist and hid his face in between his shoulder blades.
“You ready to go back to bed?” Punz’s voice had lowered to a whisper and Foolish could feel the want to sleep come back to him slowly.
Any thoughts of the nightmare were easily replaced by the scent of Punz’s t-shirt. He always used a different laundry powder from Foolish claiming his was softer on his skin and although Foolish always fought that, he is starting to be convinced with how the top felt against his skin right now.
“I think so.”
“C’mon then.” Punz once again lightly placed a hand on his lower back and guided him over to the bed, despite Foolish having better awareness of his surroundings now, he still leant into the touch and let Punz take him wherever.
Lying back down Punz wedged himself into his side, Foolish was surprised he could even get that physically close but he was in no way going to complain. Wrapping his arms around him to keep him close, Foolish finally closed his eyes to sleep again.
However, despite his previous thoughts the nightmare had yet to leave him and as soon as his eyes closed, his head filled with the images from the dream. He wasn’t even asleep yet and the nightmare was still haunting him, it’s grasp on his mind was too strong and no matter what he tried to think about - Punz lying close to him, the day they planned for tomorrow, the reassuring words whispered to him a couple minutes prior - the fear of being left alone, ugly words being thrown at him, the cruel laughter directed his way still managed to worm its way into the forefront.
“Foolish, can you loosen your grip a little? It’s getting tight.”
Foolish heard the words but didn’t want to open his eyes, gripping onto what he could to try and stay in the world he knew he was in, the loving one where Punz was lying next to him, not the cruel one where he was left alone.
“Foolish? C’mon Foosh just listen to me.” Punz placed his hands on top of Foolish’s and gently pried them off. “Just listen to my voice, you’re okay, yeah? Just open your eyes when you can and look at me.”
Trying to regulate his breathing first, Foolish took a minute before he finally cracked his eyes open a little at first then all the way.
Just seeing Punz still lying by his side after everything made his emotions a little too much to deal with. The anxiousness mixed in with the guilt from keeping his partner awake and the sheer tiredness he felt, all became too much and soon tears built up and tumbled down his face.
“Hey, what’s up?” Foolish could tell Punz was confused by the sudden change of emotions but he had tried so hard to keep it together since he woke up and it was finally failing. The thought of not getting to sleep tonight was the last straw in letting his tears go. If he couldn’t even close his eyes, how was he supposed to sleep? And God he was just so tired .
“Please just sleep, I don’t want to keep you up and then you don’t get any sleep either.” If Punz fell asleep, then at least the guilt would go away.
His attempt failed to work, however, with his stubborn as always boyfriend shaking his head and holding him closer. “I’m not even tired-”
“That’s a lie.”
“You can’t prove that it is. I’m not tired and I’d rather spend my time up with you anyway.”
“I feel bad keeping you up.” Foolish admitted quietly, ducking his head into Punz’s chest.
“You aren’t ‘keeping me up’, I’m choosing to stay up.”
Feeling fingers run through his hair, he couldn’t help but lean into the warm, caring hands. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” Punz placed a small kiss to the top of Foolish’s head before burying his face into his hair. “I’m sorry you’re having a shit night.”
Foolish just hummed in response, he may not be able to sleep but his body was finally relaxing.
“How about we go get some hot chocolate, put something on the tv and cuddle on the couch? A change of place might help you relax.”
The suggestion gave Foolish a light feeling in his chest. He remembered whenever he had a nightmare as a kid and went running to his mum to help fight the dream monsters that plagued him, his mother would always make him hot chocolate and let him have a single cookie before sending him back to bed.
Just the thought of having the warm drink once again already helped calm his brain and the racing of emotions going on up there.
“That sounds good.” His voice was scratchy and weak from crying but he just swallowed the lump stuck in his throat and wiped his tears. He’ll feel better after getting a drink, he always was. Even when he was sixteen and nightmares were less common, when the odd one snuck up on him, he’d make himself the hot chocolate his mum would and he’d feel better.
Once they made their way to the kitchen, Punz shooed him off to the sofa in the lounge to go look for something to watch while he made the drinks. The kitchen and lounge were connected by an open archway that let Foolish watch Punz the full time, giving him the peace of mind that the other was still here with him.
By the time something was on the TV and the two had finished their drinks, Foolish felt much better. He didn’t know why he never thought of it sooner, his mum always had the magical cure for things.
The noise from the TV slowly faded as he melted against Punz’s side. This time when his flutter closed there were no scary scenes or memories from his nightmare, just the warmth in his stomach and comfort from the man beside him. It didn’t take long for either of them to fall asleep. It may not be for long as soon the sun would come shining through the window, but it would be enough to make them both feel better, they would just have to take another nap together in the afternoon.