Chapter Text
An insistent knocking came from Levi’s front door, and Levi stilled, hoping it was just his imagination. It was the dead of winter, and the land he’d settled on upon his return to Paradis lay blanketed in sparkling snow with dark clouds that spoke of more to come. The cold had a way of working itself into his bones now, making his old injuries throb when he strayed too far from the warmth of the fire.
The rapping sound came again, and he pushed himself up with a groan. Levi wasn’t sure what type of lunatic would wander to his house in this weather, but he’d be sure to give them an earful. Probably one of the brats that had grown up and left the orphanage. They showed up at his door with distressing regularity to check in on him.
The scolding language was perched on his tongue as he threw the door open. The words and his thoughts evaporated when he saw the woman at the door. Levi was sure she’d think him a slack-jawed idiot from the way he stared with no words coming out of his mouth, but the sight of Mikasa at his doorstep with a box in her arms was the last thing he expected.
She smiled softly and tilted her head in question, which finally prompted his brain and manners to kick back in. “It’s freezing out there. Come in,” he said, moving aside for her to enter.
Much to his approval, she kicked the snow free from her boots before coming inside and slipping them off at the doorway, and setting down the box she had been carrying. Mikasa had always been neater than other cadets, rarely giving him reason to critique the state of her room or her work when cleaning.
“Hang up your things and go sit by the fire. I’ll start some tea,” Levi offered. She was one of the few people he didn’t have the urge to rush out of the door when she visited.
Truthfully, he’d grown a bit attached to the visits she paid him since he moved back, and she took the job helping Historia with diplomatic planning. The person she’d grown into was very interesting indeed.
Levi couldn’t resist a small smirk as he watched her strip free from the layers of winter gear she wore. The sight of her free from the red scarf she’d been shackled to for so long satisfied him. The fact that she wore the royal blue scarf he’d gifted her for her birthday last year in its place filled Levi with an amount of pride that was probably unbecoming. Oh well, he’d never claimed to be refined in his manners and certainly not within his thoughts.
“It suits you,” he complimented from his place in the kitchen.
“Thank you again,” Mikasa replied. Her cheeks were flushed, but he couldn’t tell if it was from the cold or his comment. The intensity of her reaction to simple praise sometimes surprised him. “I’m not sure how you managed to find one so warm and soft,” she continued with a gentle smile, raising fingers to glide along the material.
Mikasa didn’t need to know how much time it had taken Levi to find a weaver who produced something he felt suitable to gift her. He’d been unwilling to accept good enough for a present so important. He and the world had asked her to sacrifice so much. A scarf, no matter how fine, felt like a pittance in comparison.
Her eyes widened. “I almost forgot!” She bent and retrieved the box from the doorway, bringing it to the kitchen and setting it on the counter to remove the blanket wrapped around it. “This is for you.” Mikasa beamed a smile, and his breath caught. The smiles— real, genuine smiles that reached her eyes— had been a recent development as she slowly recovered from the toll her early life and the war took.
Confused and disarmed by her hopeful expression, Levi slid the box towards him, his lip quirking up in one corner at the brightly colored paper and string. “Thank you. What’s the occasion, brat?” He teased as he tugged the string to start unwrapping.
Mikasa’s face went blank, and Levi froze, wondering what he had said wrong.
“Levi,” she started gently, “do you really not know what today is?”
He thought for a moment, trying to remember what the date was when he went out to the post office to beat the snow yesterday morning. The twenty-fifth. Of course. Realization dawned on him, and she must have read it in his face because she was smiling again.
“Happy Birthday, Levi,” Mikasa said, nudging the box to prompt him to unwrap it.
He’d never really celebrated as a child once his mother passed away, and with Hange and Erwin gone, there’d been no one left to push the issue. Unexpected emotion flooded through Levi, catching him by surprise. He busied himself with unwrapping the paper to hide his face. She’d probably see through it anyway. Mikasa always read him better than the others; she was just kind enough to keep his secrets.
The box was made of dark, fragrant wood, and Levi ran curious fingers along it, feeling the fine grain under his fingers; the box was finely crafted, a work of art unto itself. He hadn’t even opened it, but Levi already wanted to scold her for wasting money to get something so fine for the likes of him.
Flipping the latch, Levi opened the box and took in the contents with wide eyes. Inside was a tea set, different than any he’d seen here in Paradis.
“Do you like it?” Mikasa asked, sounding a bit hesitant.
“It’s stunning,” Levi said, lifting out the teapot to examine the graceful lines of the ceramic and the intricate images lacquered on it. “This must have cost a fortune. You didn’t need to do this.”
Mikasa waved a hand dismissively. “It didn’t cost a fortune. Hizuru has good reason to trade fairly with me, and it’s the least I could do after all you’ve done for me.”
Levi set the teapot down gently and looked at Mikasa carefully. She appeared almost shy at the moment, different from the confident woman who’d never hesitated to challenge him or face down an enemy. Suddenly overtaken with the need to reassure her, Levi reached out and placed his hand over hers on the counter, internally wincing when he realized he’d used his mangled hand. Mikasa didn’t pull back or react, so he pushed on.
“It’s a beautiful gift, Mikasa. I’m just not sure I’ve done anything to deserve something like this.”
Mikasa’s hand moved. Thinking she was pulling away, Levi lifted his hand to allow hers to escape. Instead, she turned hers over, clasping their hands together. “You’ve done more than you know,” she said quietly.
Levi could hear the ghosts of the past in her voice and gripped her hand in comfort. Her gray eyes were serious and searching when they met his. Levi wasn’t sure what she was looking for, but he stood still and held her eyes, allowing her to see his genuine gratitude and regard.
As the kettle whistled, breaking apart the fragile moment, Levi let a small smile surface and gestured to the tea set. “Let’s try it out.”
The lightness returned to her expression, and Mikasa nodded before he turned to take the kettle off the heat. Mikasa sat at the counter, chin resting in her hand as she watched him perform this familiar ritual.
He warmed the teapot and dumped the water out. Then, he added the leaves along with the water before turning over a small, worn hourglass to time the steeping. “You’re using the leaves I got you from Hizuru,” Mikasa commented with another one of those beaming smiles.
Levi huffed a laugh as he carefully took out the cups and saucers. “You’re the only guest who gets that tea. The others wouldn’t know good tea from the pisswater the military serves,” he grumbled.
Mikasa covered her mouth as a loud laugh burst from her lips. “The standard issue tea was truly awful, wasn’t it?”
Levi suppressed a shudder at the memory of the stale, yet astringent, taste of the tea they used to receive in bulk. “It was,” he replied, the distaste in his tone and expression sending her into another fit of laughter.
“I spent an unreasonable amount of my pay buying good tea. I figured I wasn’t likely to need to worry about retiring,” he said, pouring the tea through the strainer and into the cups, adding honey to hers.
“It’s a good thing Historia gave us pensions after the war,” Mikasa said with a nod of thanks as he pushed the cup over to her.
“She was more generous than anyone else would have been,” Levi agreed. “Let’s go sit by the fire before my knee acts up.”
The pair headed for the couch that faced the fire. Levi’s home was sparsely decorated, but what he did have tended toward a simple elegance. He’d been proud when Mikasa complimented his taste on her first visit.
Her trips to see him had been more frequent this last year as relations between countries became less fraught and the world continued to rebuild. Levi glanced at Mikasa as she sipped her tea and watched the fire.
She’d gone through hell and emerged with a peaceful surety that drew him in deeper each time. Mikasa’s elegant features, highlighted by the glow of the fire, were strikingly beautiful. If he hadn’t fought beside her for so many years, he’d be in disbelief at the strength and fury he knew she could unleash.
Without turning away from the fire, she asked, “Want to tell me why you didn’t even remember today was your birthday?”
Levi sighed. “I’ll answer if you tell me why you came all the way from Mitras after a snowstorm to bring me a gift,” he said, hoping she’d let it go.
“That’s fair, but you first,” she said, her lip twitching and eyes glittering with mischief at calling the bluff.
He really should have known better by now. Sighing again, Levi settled back against the cushions. “It’s not something I’ve regularly celebrated. Hange and Erwin used to make me celebrate, but before that, the last time was with my mother. It’s just not something I think about.”
Mikasa reached out and laid a hand on his forearm. “I’m sorry, I figured it might be something like that. You don’t have to say more, but you don’t have to be alone for it anymore, either. You have plenty of people who care.”
Levi let himself enjoy the warmth of her hand soaking through his sleeve, waiting to see if she’d say more. “And your reason for risking the trip here in this weather?”
She smiled sadly. “Like I said, you don’t need to be alone, and you have people that care if you let them.”
His response slipped out before he could catch the words or filter them. “And you’re one of the people who want to care for me?”
He grimaced; the question was stupid and trod on dangerous ground. Plus, he heard his carefully hidden neediness slipping out in between the words. Embarrassed, he raised a hand and opened his mouth to try and backtrack.
But it was too late. Mikasa met his eyes. “Yes, if you’d let me.”
The directness of the response staggered him, and he found himself unable to reply. To buy time to sort out his thoughts, Levi placed his hand over hers, where it still lingered on his arm. He could feel the delicate bones of her hand as his thumb swept over the back of it.
Mikasa leaned forward and placed her now-empty cup on the low table, turning to face him fully. “You don’t need to reply. Just think about it and let go of this idea you have about what you deserve or don’t deserve.”
Levi wasn’t sure when the woman before him became so wise, but she saw through him as clearly as ever. “I will,” he said.
He meant it too. Mikasa’s words would probably be all he could think about for a very long time. The implications they held raised a nervousness in Levi he’d never felt when facing down hoards of titans.
Mikasa glanced out the window and frowned, “It’s getting dark already. I’ll have to head out soon.” A warm smile graced her face. “Happy Birthday again, Levi.”
He felt her hand begin to slide off of his arm. On reflex, Levi grabbed her wrist to stop her. “Stay,” he said. “The weather looks like it’s turning again, and it’s not safe to ride back like this. Please,” he added hurriedly.
She looked outside again and bit her lip. “I can’t. I didn’t bring anything with me, and I don’t want to impose on you like this.”
“It’s not, I promise. I’ve got plenty of clothes that I’m sure will work. It’s not a problem.” He took in the skeptical look on her face. She knew he liked his solitude. “Please, stay. I’d feel better knowing you’re safe.” Levi finally admitted.
The searching look took longer this time, but she settled back against the couch, and Levi released her wrist with a sigh of relief.
A short while and another cup of tea later, their conversation was interrupted by rattling as the wind buffeted the house. They stood and went to the window, peering out as thick snow swirled in the darkness. The winds were frigid, and coldness radiated in through the window. Mikasa shivered at the chill seeping in from the window.
Frowning, Levi walked to the closet in his room to get Mikasa a blanket and to gain control over the sick feeling bubbling in his stomach at how close she’d been to traveling in that. As he took the warm, woolen blanket from the shelf, he forced himself to let go of the thoughts. She was here with him now and safe.
Mikasa was still peering out the window when he returned, looking out into the howling darkness with concerned eyes. Levi shook out the blanket and held it up to drape over her shoulders. She tugged it tightly around her with a smile of thanks. “It’s getting worse out there,” she said as he stood beside her.
The ever-present aches Levi felt had been worsening since this morning. He didn’t want to worry her, but the roads would likely be impassable for a little while. “It’ll be alright, Mikasa. I have plenty of supplies here, and the horses will be warm and safe in the stables.”
“I know. I didn’t plan on intruding like this, though, Levi. I know you prefer your space,” she said, turning away from the window to face him.
Words swirled in his mind; he wanted to tell her how badly he wanted her to stay—not just because of the biting cold and snow. He wanted to tell her how much it meant that she was here and remembered what today was, no matter how hard he tried to forget. The words didn’t come; they never did. They stayed unsaid.
Instead, he said with a shrug, “You’re different.”
He evaded her watchful eyes this time, turning and heading to the kitchen to make more tea, cursing himself for the coward he was—but better to be a coward than a lecher who pushed their desires on those who didn’t want them.
When they sat again with fresh cups of tea, Mikasa sat closer and held up one side of the blanket toward him. He lifted an arm to rest on the back of the couch and allowed her to slide next to him so the fabric covered them both. It was far from their first time sharing a blanket for warmth. For Scouts in the field, watches had to happen in the winter, too. Levi had often intentionally placed Mikasa on the roster with him, finding her company much more tolerable than her peers.
It hadn’t been like this then. Mikasa hadn’t taken root inside of him yet. They’d been too busy with war and survival, not like now, where he had the attention to spare and notice the faint scent of lavender left from her soap or just how warm her body felt against his side.
They didn’t speak much as they sipped the tea. She’d already updated him on their friends earlier, and Mikasa wasn’t one to fill the silence with small talk. He took the cup from her when she finished, placing it with his on the table.
When she started to slump against him, Levi realized she was falling asleep. As her head drooped into the crook of his neck, he allowed himself to smile. He’d had to scold Mikasa for her drowsiness more than once on watches; the woman could sleep anywhere once she hit her limit.
Carefully, Levi pushed the strands of hair away from her face; they were longer now that they were in a time of peace, and he enjoyed the silky feel as the midnight stands slipped between his fingertips. She looked calm in sleep, the concerns that so often painted her features wiped away.
He could—and often did— wish for more than this, but it warmed him to know she trusted him enough to relax completely with him and let down the barriers and guard he’d watched he wear around others. He’d allow himself a few minutes like this, holding her as if she belonged there before he woke her and sent her to the bed to sleep.