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"I love you… I’ll find you again.” Koyama somehow knew, yet didn’t know what that meant.
They had resisted orders from military guards. Specifically, his partner hadn’t, but he had never been one to take bullshit from anyone even if it meant putting himself in danger. They had committed no crime, but they had been stripped of all their rights simply because they were the same race as those who had bombed the harbor. It didn’t help that his partner was an outspoken lawyer who had a sharp tongue to boot.
Regardless, he would stand by this man. He would go to the ends of the earth for him. He knew he was right, they would find each other again. This kind of love they had for each other transcended even death itself.
“I love you too.” was all he could say in response, gripping the man’s hand with his own as he squeezed his eyes shut in preparation.
The sound of gunshots rings out, and both men collapse to the ground where the blood begins to pool around their bodies.
Koyama wakes up drenched in sweat, sitting up and on the verge of tears as he gasps for air. He was having these dreams again, the one with the same man he could swear he’s never seen before in his life. He’d read something about the faces one saw in their dreams being of people you may have seen in passing in your everyday life, but this one face kept recurring in so many of his dreams that he couldn’t get it out of his mind even during his waking hours.
This face was beautiful, he wasn’t about to lie to himself. Sometimes he wishes this were someone he knew, but he’d been dreaming about this person for years in so many scenarios that it was frustrating that this person wasn’t someone he could physically see in the world outside of his dreams.
Not that he didn’t have a fulfilling life, but something about this (literal) man of his dreams felt so incredibly right. No matter what scenario he dreamt up, this man fit so perfectly into it. They were perfect for each other, being a part of each other’s lives in some sort of capacity no matter what it was. His subconscious has placed them as friends, lovers, superheroes, and coworkers, and every time he woke up he wanted nothing more than to have this person in his life as something, anything to fill this person-shaped hole in his life.
He had a job he loved, a cat that fulfilled his needs for affection, nephews, and a niece that he’d been spoiling since his sister brought them into the world, and he wasn’t in search of much else. Everything in his life should’ve made him content and yet his dreams were bringing him to places with this stranger that he swears he’d never seen before. Over, and over, and over again. It was frustrating, and yet he couldn’t help but look forward to going to sleep every night with a slim chance that he would be thrown into a world in his dreams with this stranger being a part of his life.
He shakes himself out of his thoughts, he had a lunch date with Massu today, and then he had to meet his sister to go with her to some book signing because she didn’t want to go alone. Something about the kids being in school and her husband working is entirely understandable, even if this wasn’t something he would typically go out of his way for himself. Of course, he said yes and he knew which bookstore to meet her at, there was plenty of time to get there from his usual lunch place.
He makes sure to refill Milk-chan’s bowls with food and fresh water for the day, checks for any emails from his manager, and is glad to see that there aren’t any pressing matters that he has to worry about on his day off. After about an hour of lounging, he decides it’s time for a shower and shaves so he can get ready to go. He dresses in one of his go-to outfits, a cardigan over a solid-colored t-shirt and slimming pants that made his legs look even longer than they already were. Nothing super fancy, no hair styling, just him dressing comfortably before he headed out into the world.
He decided to take the train today, he had plenty of time to get to the restaurant. When he gets to the station, he pops in his AirPods before shuffling all his songs and skipping over a few before settling on a song for his commute. For a moment, he feels the hair on the back of his neck standing up. Almost as if he has goosebumps rising on his skin. Almost as if his body knows he’s being watched.
He looks up to where he feels that gaze coming from.
He meets those all too familiar eyes through the windows of the train that had just pulled into the station. The recognition is there.
“You-” he says to no one except for the man who can’t hear him, the man who looks like he’s ready to get off that train, but alas the doors close just before he makes that final decision.
Koyama’s heart feels broken for some reason, and he watches as the train pulls away from the station.
He feels like he can’t breathe at that moment, his heart racing as if a hummingbird were trapped, trying to escape and break free from the confines of his chest. He’s only pulled back into the present when gets a text from Massu and his train pulls up at the station. He says he’ll be there in 20 minutes, and that he’s going to need to be pinched to make sure that he’s okay once he gets there. It didn’t feel real that this had just happened, it had to be a dream. The entire commute feels like a dream itself but never had any of his dreams taken place in his present-day life. He had never dreamt even once of his actual day-to-day life.
Once he gets to the restaurant, he immediately spots his friend and slips into the booth to sit across from Massu who had gotten there just before he had.
He rolls up his sleeve before holding out his arm, holding it out just as he holds his breath. Massu pinches, without question and not hard enough to leave a bruise. Just hard enough so that it confirms that Koyama is not in a dream. Massu had never been in any of his dreams either so that only helped to confirm that he was definitely awake.
“I’ve ordered our usuals so we’re just waiting on that. Koyama, you look like you’ve seen a ghost.” his friend was probably right, and he can’t help but rub his hands over his face in frustration. It wasn't a ghost per se, more like the man he never imagined could be a real human and not just some face his imagination had thought up to occupy his subconscious.
He proceeds to tell Massu what had happened, knowing full well it sounded like he was losing it, but he’s grateful to his friend for listening to him the entire way through. Massu didn’t have any dreams of his own, much less any as vivid as the ones Koyama seemed to have so often over the past few years.
“I mean, if you’re sure he recognized you too… maybe he’s dreamt about you also. You two could have known each other in your past lives.”
“I hate how that sounds like the most reasonable thing this could be.” He hadn’t thought anyone else would share the same thoughts about it as he did, but he was glad to know he wasn’t the only one who believed that this could be fate. Albeit fate playing a cruel joke on him by bringing the man of his dreams so close, and yet so far.
Shige was on his way to the bookstore so he can help set up before the signing, taking the train instead of his motorcycle for once. He figured he could use the extra time in commuting to clear his mind, especially after another night of those dreams. He’d been having them for years now, and he honestly wished he could be like those people who had no dreams at all. He could probably enjoy lucid dreaming if he could do so. Though he barely got enough sleep as it was.
This is why he could’ve sworn he must’ve been dreaming when he sees an all too familiar person standing on the platform across from his train. There was no mistaking that face and those eyes which locked onto his.
His body isn’t fast enough to catch up with his brain, he knows he needs to get off the train, but he physically can’t move from his spot until it’s too late. His train pulls away and he’s filled with a sense of loss once the other man is out of sight.
This wasn’t a dream, it had to be a nightmare if he wasn’t awake right now.
Once he arrives at the bookstore, he greets the staff and proceeds to help in setting up the table where he would be signing books. His mind is occupied though as he can’t stop thinking about the man of his literal dreams. He had never imagined that he could be the living person he would see in his reality.
Much less had he even considered that this person would recognize him too. Shige wasn’t sure if it was fate for the most part, but he wasn’t about to deny there had been a connection at that moment that even he couldn’t explain in words.
Koyama meets his sister just outside the bookstore, and she gives him the biggest hug as she thanks him for coming with her. She explained that the writer was a new and upcoming author who had just received a literary prize for new writers and had even been nominated for the Naoki Prize a few months prior. While he didn’t read actual books often, Koyama was impressed. He figured it wouldn’t hurt to buy the book himself and get it signed since he was already there.
There don’t seem to be too many people around for the actual signing, so they head inside the store and decide that they could browse for a bit before the event starts.
“What’s the author’s name? I think I might buy a copy and get it signed too..”
“His name is Kato Shigeaki. I think that’s him over there! Do you think we should go say something before the signing starts?”
Koyama looks to where his sister is pointing, and his jaw practically hits the floor when he sees the man arranging the book display while seemingly talking with store staff. He looks a little distracted, but he’s trying to make sure he helps set up for his event. Everything around him feels as if it’s all blurred and the only thing his eyes can focus on is the man that had been in his dreams and a train away just a few hours ago.
“I… I saw him earlier on my way to lunch. He was on the train across the platform.” he manages to string together a coherent sentence. When Kato looks in his direction, there’s no mistaking the look in the man’s eyes once he spots Koyama.
Shige nearly drops the book he’s holding in complete shock. Somehow he can’t believe that this is real, that he’s not having some sort of dream.
“Oh, that’s so nice! What a small world! You need to buy a copy of his book and get it signed then.” she smiles, pulling her brother down the aisles so she can pick up a copy for him. She’d also wanted to pick up some cookbooks since they were already there. Koyama insists they go last for the signing so they can maybe have a chance to properly speak to him later.
Kato Shigeaki. Now he had a name for the face he’d been dreaming about for so long.
His sister is so excited to have her copy signed, as it’s the first time she’s been able to get something like this, and for Kato’s credit, he’s very polite with her. He thanks her even though he knows that his mind is probably racing as fast as Koyama’s heart is at this moment.
Once it’s his turn, he places the book he’d just purchased on the table between the two of them. Every single cell in his body is practically screaming at him to not let this man slip through his fingers. He’s just as beautiful as he is in every single one of Koyama’s dreams, and yet his throat feels so dry and he can’t get a single word out despite everything he wanted to say.
“I’m… I’m sorry.” Shige finally says, breaking the silence between them. He had been full of so much regret the moment his train left the station, he knew the moment that their eyes had met that he should’ve gotten off that train.
“Don’t be–”
“What’s your name?”
“Koyama. The person ahead of me, she’s my sister and she brought me along.” he’s grateful he’d suggested to his sister they go last because otherwise he would’ve been rushed and now it was just the two of them.
“Call me Shige. Look… I am sorry. I should’ve gotten off that train. I feel like I’ve been looking for you forever and I thought that seeing you had just been…”
“Another dream?” Koyama says almost wistfully. He regretted not even trying to catch Shige before the train had left. He could’ve tried even if that really wouldn’t have worked anyways. The train would’ve been long gone before he’d made it to that side of the platform.
Shige releases a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. Looking up at Koyama, a small smile graces his lips before he finally signs his name, writing a message in the book before handing it back to Koyama.
Their fingers brush lightly as he hands the book over, and it isn’t a spark he feels, but a flood of emotions that fill them both to the brim. It’s overwhelming, it’s joy, and it feels like they’re both finally home.
“I know it isn’t a dream this time.” he finally manages to say, and he’s thankful for every entity out there that they’d been given another chance. One of many it seems for their souls to have found each other again.
Shige has to meet with his editor for his next book while Koyama had promised his sister he would have dinner with the family. So Shige lets him know that he’d written his number and that Koyama should text him when he was free. There was a lot they needed to talk about for sure, but they were both down to make time to do so. It feels like they’d waited long enough.
When he finally gets home that evening, Koyama forces himself to shower first and get comfortable in his house clothes before opening Shige’s book. To his credit, he doesn’t rush through it and even waits until he’s in bed before finally taking a look at it.
As expected, he sees the phone number. Just above the number and Shige’s name is a little message, and he has to blink back what suspiciously feels like tears when he realizes that they must have had the same dream last night.
I told you I would find you again.
Reaching for his phone, Koyama enters Shige’s number and texts him because he’s sure his voice would fail him if he tried to call the other man.
[Text]:
Thank you for finding me.