Chapter Text
Turin, 11th February 2006
XX Olympic Winter Games
Pair skating
Short program
It was cold.
One would think that after ice skating for so long, the cold was part of you enough not to feel it anymore. And it might be true most of the time, but when the tension of a big competition comes into play, well…
The vibration of the blades gliding over the ice shook the muscles in Taehyung’s legs, already under the pressure of the demanding choreography. The music echoed loud in the venue, covering the scratching sound when his and Jungkook’s skate’s toe nips the ice, pushing them into the triple toe loop in perfect timing.
The song flew through Taehyung’s body; his thoughts started to drift away when Jungkook turned to skate backwards, and their bodies came close, hugging briefly, turning around each other, eyes into eyes.
“But I still want to hold onto it,
wherever you are, I'll find you
To a tomorrow of us.”
Taehyung’s thoughts drifted…
(It’s the fatigue that makes my body tremble. Not–)
“Even if it seems to be the beginning of the end
I’ll call your name.”
(Left, right, one, two, bend and–)
“The gazing eyes are so colourful
I'll give my everything to you.”
(Stars. Constellations. Why are there so many galaxies in your eyes? Entire universes, and they are all staring at–)
“Still unable to verbalise
The hopeless dream in my heart.”
…
(Still unable to verbalise the hopeless dream in my heart.)
…
Taehyung refocused with a small start.
Breathing was hard, but it was also nothing new. The routine was drilled into his and Jungkook’s bodies long enough that the strain in the muscles felt familiar, like swallowing with a dry throat from the cold air.
Both feelings were more prominent than usual, which was a good sign.
It meant they were pushing harder than they’d ever done.
Not that they had any other choice.
Silence pervaded the Palavela; the notes of the song rang in the space, high and clear and enveloping, and Jungkook's hand in his felt firm and grounding as always. The ice flowed under the blades without jolts, and as he exited the step sequence, Taehyung held his breath again.
“To be loved, to love, I’ll become the eye
For the adventure that lies ahead.”
Taehyung and Jungkook had been skating to this song for a year, they loved it even before then, and still, Taehyung couldn't listen to these lines without feeling his heart give out one snippet every time. Couldn’t look Jungkook in the eye, only staring at a vague point above his left ear.
Focus.
The song picked up again for its final part, and Jungkook’s toe anchored on the ice.
His big, doe eyes locked with Taehyung’s and didn’t let go. Taehyung turned the hold of their hands and exhaled slowly, letting go of the tension in his muscles. He lowered himself, and the centripetal acceleration started doing its job as Jungkook bent his legs in a low pivot position, adding to the difficulty of the death spiral.
Taehyung could feel his edge clean and sure, his body now tense and straight, head so close to the ice but never touching it. He locked his ankles, leaving only one skate on the ice, trusting Jungkook to hold the weight of his body with the help of the force of the spiralling edge.
The audience erupted in an awed gasp.
“Even the darkness we see is so beautiful
Please believe me, looking straight only at you
So you don’t go anywhere.”
They exited the complicated figure seamlessly after the required revolutions and started circling the ice surface, gaining speed before throwing themselves into a triple Axel solo jump, perfectly coordinated.
They circled each other, moved closer, then further away, hands separating and coming back to find the other in a complex choreography in harmony with the music.
By the time the spin solo combination entered its final stage after the only change of foot requested, Taehyung had steeled himself for the last challenge in front of him.
The music slowed down, approaching the end.
As Taehyung pretended to skate away, Jungkook’s arms circled his waist to keep him close instead.
Taehyung swallowed and squeezed his eyes for a second, just a second.
Then Jungkook turned him into his arms, Taehyung following easily, and they stared at each other.
“Your eyes, they tell.”
(Keep it cool, keep it cool, keep it cool.)
One of Jungkook's hands came up as if to cup Taehyung's cheek, but in mid-gesture, Taehyung's fingers tightened around his wrist and kept it away.
The notes of the song faded into silence.
A deafening explosion of shouts and applause filled the entire Palavela. Jungkook smiled at Taehyung, panting, sweaty, and so beautiful, breaking his final stance to hug him before bowing to the audience and judges.
While his body did the same without thinking, Taehyung tried to forget the phantom warmth of Jungkook’s hand that would never reach his cheek.
━━━━⊱⋆⊰━━━━
Taehyung and Jungkook smiled at the cameras in the Kiss and Cry, waving and sending mouthed thank yous to their fans, before following Namjoon out when the speaker announced the next pair on the ice.
They walked in silence through the corridors, accepting graciously the curious looks sent their way until they reached the area where the pairs who had already competed followed the missing performances on screen before the end of the short program. As they entered, a few athletes congratulated Jungkook and Taehyung on their scores before returning to focus on their current performance.
Reaching a quiet corner that still allowed them to control one of the screens, Taehyung and Jungkook sat down with a sigh, wincing at their aching muscles after such an effort.
“There are only three couples left, and their results have consistently been lower than yours during the whole season,” Namjoon said, crouching in front of them and keeping his voice low. “I’m pretty sure your fourth placement is secured, and it’s good, boys. You know that, right?”
Taehyung exhaled and tipped his head back against the wall while Jungkook nodded to their coach.
“It’s good,” the younger man said.
Taehyung could feel the lie like it was blaring inside his brain.
Namjoon squinted, looking at the two in silence, before standing up.
“I’m going to get your drinks. Stay here, ok?”
He waited until both athletes nodded wordlessly before walking away, leaving Jungkook and Taehyung alone for the first time that day.
Taehyung braced himself.
“What happened?” Jungkook whispered, but to Taehyung, it sounded like he was shouting at him. “I lost you at some point. Your body was on the ice, but your mind was elsewhere.”
Not as far as you think , Taehyung thought, raising his hands to rub at his face and hide the self-deprecating grimace of his mouth.
“Taehyung hyung,” Jungkook called again, and Taehyung could hear him moving on his chair, turning towards him.
They were so attuned that Taehyung could feel how Jungkook moved around him even with his eyes closed.
“I’m sorry,” Taehyung answered, dejected, letting his hands fall on his thighs, picking at the tight fabric of the trousers and turning his head to look at Jungkook. “I fucked up.”
Jungkook shook his head vehemently.
“No, hyung. That’s not it. But you were so,” he hesitated, looking for the right words, “stiff. And you refused to meet my eyes. Again.”
Taehyung winced at the pain crossing Jungkook’s face before the younger man schooled his expression to hide it. Not fast enough.
“Jungkookie–”
“It’s ok, hyung. I’m sure you have your reasons. I just– I don’t know if I did something wrong, you know?”
“You know you didn’t, Jungkookie,” Taehyung answered, a hint of desperation in his voice, his hand going to grasp the other man’s.
Jungkook smiled sweetly, intertwining their fingers together.
“If you say so,” he said, turning his eyes away towards the screen, watching the last couple finishing their performance.
Taehyung knew Jungkook didn’t believe him, but what else could he say?
Hey, Jungkookie. So, funny thing, I can’t look you in the eye during our short program because the lyrics hit home too much, and I’m terrified you can read in my eyes that I’m in love with you.
No way.
Taehyung wouldn’t ruin their partnership and friendship with unwanted feelings.
Not when Jungkook already had somebody he liked.