Work Text:
"Can't you just.." Kate sighed, knowing very well there wasn't much the cab driver could do, "move around it?" She stared at her phone for the umpteenth time that evening. Besides the time (11.45... she was going to be late, and Kate hated to be late) the text her boyfriend sent her was right there.
Ant🐝♥️: babe, I need you to meet me at grand central station, midnight sharp! Don't be late.
Ant🐝♥️: please be there, I need you to be there.
The text confused her to the bone, because it didn't make sense. He knew she was at her mother's, he knew she needed space. He said he was okay with it, and that he understood. But this was the opposite of understanding. It was out of character, because Anthony Bridgerton didn't beg, he just went straight after what he desired and with his determined state of mind he always, always, got what he wanted.
For fucks sake, that was the whole fucking reason why she left. Because if he truly wanted her, she would've known by now, wouldn't she?
He knows what she wants, and for the longest time, Kate thought they were on the same page. Sadly, during the past year the truth came creeping up on her; they weren't on the same page, not really. Sure, they lived together, but that seemed like the most Anthony could give to her. At first, Kate didn't notice, because the routine they'd developed was amazing. Their lives tangled together like it was the most natural thing in the world. Living with Anthony made everything easier and for the first time in forever, Kate felt grounded , safe, and at home. At first, the security that brought made it impossible to long for more, but when people around them made true commitments and started families, Kate realised all they shared was a key.
Kate was aware it wasn't fair how she just left the day after Christmas. She saw the pained look on his face when she said that she needed to spend some time with her mum, that she didn't know for how long she would be gone. And it was kind of cruel how she left the necklace she got from him two days prior on the nightstand, exposed for him to tell what she couldn't say out loud.
It wasn't enough. This wasn't enough.
To be fair, the alternative was just as bad, but she would rather be alone and know this was it, than spend her life wondering of all that could be but would never.. not when she knew he wasn't happy.
Because, even though she couldn't continue living a life that was filled with unfulfilled desires, she also knew she would never be with anyone else. There was no one in the world she could see as her husband, as the father of her children, as her partner. But Kate loved herself too much, and to live with this kind of longing.. and no way to satisfy it.. it pained her beyond description.
"Sweetheart, I'm a good chauffeur, but there's no way I'm able to do that," the taxi driver looked at her through the rearview mirror, "this is your annual new year's eve traffic, a lot of impulsive visits like yours, but it'll be over moments after midnight."
Kate mumbled something incomprehensive to hide the fact that the driver was right, it was a spur-of-the-moment thing. She read the text this morning, ignored it for hours, and only after her mother said by not going she was making a choice as well, Kate realised she had to go. She still wasn't sure what would happen, what she was going to do. But all things aside Anthony was still her favorite person and he deserved more than her ghosting him. So even though she didn't bother to change into something worthy of new years eve, she called a cab and there she was: stuck in traffic, fifteen minutes before midnight. And the thought that this could be faith deciding for her wasn't lost on her.
~
Anthony paced back and forth, it was 11.48 and he was so nervous and almost certain he massively screwed it up this time.
She wasn't going to come, and that's on you, you jerk.
From the moment he first saw her he had it all figured out. She was it, Kate was the person he didn't know he needed. Her beautiful face, her eyes that burned holes into his soul, her gorgeous legs, her witty comments, and her confidence... it all went straight to his heart the second they bumped into each other three years ago.
He was on his way out of the city, she was on her way toward it. But they were both trying to avoid the horrible sentiment that was tight to new years eve. Anthony had just said his goodbyes to his mother and siblings, and Kate was planning on meeting up with her sister at some stupid NYE party. Both were on tight schedules for the very same reason. He wanted to be on the train by midnight so he could watch the clock tick by without having to celebrate, and she was set on arriving at the party late to avoid it all the same.
For years and years he thought he would be perfectly fine alone and single, he wasn't even bitter or sad about it. It was what it was, and that was okay. Anthony had his work, and he cared for his family and that was loaded and hard enough.
He was good at his job, but horrible with his family. There was no need to have another person confront him with his failures too. He was so set on spending his life alone, the moment it all changed should've been weird, but it wasn't. It was logical, it was right, it was his destiny. Being born was a given, dying was a given, and apparently for him being with Kate was one too.
So how the fuck did he end up here? Terrified to the bone, almost certain he was too late, and afraid he dragged it out too much, only because he had a plan from the beginning? He fumbled in his pocket and felt the little ring box bump against his fingers. The ring he bought one week after their first meeting and that he took with him everywhere he went.
She will come, Kate will be there, please let her come.
~
At 11.49 Kate realised how weird this situation was, she was so sure they weren't having the same expectations anymore, but the flutters she felt because she was going to see him again after four days didn't change. It was like that when she first met him, exactly 3 years ago and it was like it now. She was still in the dark when it came to his motives, but Kate craved to see his smile and the little twinkle in his eyes. It was always there when he saw her. Whenever they talked about their future, and every time the conversation led them there, his whole face lit up. Throughout their many talks, he always got so excited. He tried to convince her to move to the country, because it was just "where a child should grow up."
When did it stop? And when did he change? Did he change? Or did she stop asking? Was the spark still there? And did she, over the years, just stop looking directly at it?
Fuck! Fuck! FUCK!
How could she be this stupid? It's New Year's Eve, and Anthony might be terrible at communicating, (So was she but let's not go there), but he wasn't a jerk. He would never break up with her or hurt her on an evening as special as this... there was no way...
"Stop!" She yelled at the cab driver, "I need to get out!"
"Sweetheart, are you sure? This isn't a romcom, you'll be sweaty and exhausted once you've reached grand central station." The driver frowned but slowed down nonetheless.
"Just stop, I'll walk," Kate said loudly, "Stop! Please! I need to go!"
~
It was 11.50 and there were only ten minutes left. The all-consuming feeling of devastation made it impossible for Anthony to stand up straight, but he had to give her time. There was still time, and he wasn't going to leave her. Not now, not ever.
How on earth did he manage to make her feel that he could?
Anthony was well aware Kate kept her distance lately, but he was so fucking arrogant to think this moment he would make it all okay. Never in his wildest dreams did he ever think it might be too late. That the time he let her drift away a bit might create a distance that was too big to recover from.
He always thought they were so in sync, that on some level Kate knew this was going to happen today. He had told her how their parents had met, almost at the same spot they did. He told her how his father proposed to his mother, and how he believes that's the single most romantic gesture a person ever did. Kate agreed, or at least that's what he thought.
At first she probably did
Fuck! He should've listened to his mother. Or better said; hear what she said to him instead of just simply nodding. It made sense he didn't though; old habits die hard, and he and his mother didn't have the best relationship. So when his mother told him that, although the way her father proposed to her was very romantic, she almost walked out on him, he didn't realise what she meant.
But fucking now he did: three years was too long, especially when you're in a relationship that was set in stone from the very first second their bodies bumped into each other.
Anthony couldn't blame Kate for doubting him to the point she was ready to leave him.
What was he supposed to do if she didn't show up? How could he ever live with himself if he screwed up the single best thing in his life? It was going to be like the first years after his father's passing all over again, wasn't it?
He only got better because of Kate, there was no doubt he would fall back into old patterns without her. Back to a life filled with self-hatred, guilt, and terrible communication with his family.
He looked at the time: 11.55… for fuck sake, a miserable life was what he deserved.
~
The driver was right, this was a bad idea, but at this point what else could Kate do? She panted heavily and had to fight the urge to stop and catch a breath. She could see the station now, there were still 4 minutes left. She would make it.
She would revisit Grand Central Station, the place where her life changed three years ago.
Back then she was at a low point, the lowest point she'd ever been actually. Kate remembered vividly how much she cried that day, feeling sad about her life, about the damn responsibilities she couldn't be free from. About how jealous she was of her sister who was thriving, and how she felt like she couldn't be honest with Edwina when she asked how she was doing.
Because what could she say? That she felt depressed? That the passing of her father stopped her from living her life? That being a caregiver at the age of 18 was too much for one person could handle? That she was angry at their mother for grieving so hard she'd given up? No, because if Kate did that, they would all be back at square one. So she didn't, she kept silent. She allowed her mother to come back at her own pace, made sure Edwina went to college and she lived vigorously through her.
Those thoughts were on her mind when she bumped into Anthony that day. But instead of yet another obstacle, the hard connection of their bodies felt like a revelation.
His arms prevented her from falling and in a way, they never stopped. He was her solution, her remedy, her medicine, and her partner. The missing connection that was needed to enjoy life, to reconnect with her family. To stand up for what she wanted. With Anthony by her side, it all made sense, it was easy, and she was whole. She learned how to love and be loved again.
After two weeks with him, she allowed herself to see beyond the next day. It was undeniable, because this was it. He was it. They were it. They had to be together to start living again. She couldn't have done it without him and she wouldn't have done it without him.
She owed it to herself and to him to let him know how she felt. She would never forgive herself if she just let him go like this. It took her time to see it, and maybe it wasn't the same for him, but he needed to remember how good they were too. She needed to take that risk, for her.. for them.. for everyone involved..
~
11.58.. this was it, this was the end of his perfect life. The life he spent years building went down the drain in half a day. Kate wasn't coming and he had only himself to blame. He should've been more clear, even though he thought he was. This was on him and him alone. Kate had always been very plain; marriage first, kids second. He agreed, he wanted one thing in his life to go according to plan, and he had it all mapped out. He was going to propose: they'll marry within the year, start a family the second she puts a ring on his finger, move to the country and be even happier together than they already are.
With the biggest smile on his face he confirmed it to her when Daphne got married, he reassured her when Charlie was born, he begged her to never leave him at his father's memorial service, and when his mother asked them last Christmas if she could babysit their children, he loudly said nothing would make him happier, but in a few years, and when the time was ready.
He should've asked her right then and there, the moment after she released his hand, seconds after his mother asked them. The opportunities in which he could've asked her were endless. But he stuck to his stupid plan, because he thought it was romantic and symbolic . Fucking hell, he should've never let her go to her mother's. He should've realised that was her walking away from him.
Kate deserved so much more than this lousy moment at New Year.
~
At 11.59 Kate entered the big hallway of Grand Central Station. As usual, she didn't have to search to spot her boyfriend. He was surrounded by people that walked past him, but there was this invisible connection that drew him to her. She could tell he was on the brink of hysterics. His fingers ran through his hair constantly, he kept looking at his phone and the wiping of his eyes cut through her like a knife.
With shaking legs she closed the last bit between them, and when he looked up she knew it was going to be okay.
He took a step back, as if he couldn't believe she was there, he swallowed a few times before his eyes lit up, the tiniest smile appeared on his face and when he cleared his throat she knew exactly what was going to happen..
He was it, he was her destiny, and he was going to tell her just that.
~
As the clock struck midnight, and he was about to fall apart, he saw her, and for a second he had to make sure he wasn't dreaming.
She was there! She came! She.. she didn't let him down, even when she was well in her rights to do so.
"Kate.." he whispered, his voice trembling just as hard as his hands did when he took hers, "I'm so sorry.. I'm so sorry."
All Kate did was look at their hands, as if she was afraid to hear what he was about to say. She was still catching her breath, but he could tell there was fear in her exhales as well, and it was time for him to take it away.
"Kate, can you look at me?" He asked carefully, "please.." he begged. A loud sigh escaped his mouth when she slowly lifted her head.
"I'm the biggest fool on earth, and if you stood me up it would've been just what I deserved, but I'm so glad you came. I'm so glad you did. Because I love you. I love you. I love you." Along the way, his voice got steady again. He had a whole speech prepared, but it didn't make sense anymore. He knew what he wanted her to hear and the words came directly from his heart this time.
"I know I am imperfect. The last couple of months are proof enough, but I want a life that suits us both. I am so sorry I made you doubt this, because I truly cannot imagine my life without you, so I'll humble myself before you, and ask you if you want to marry me."
The silence that followed was excruciating, but Anthony forced himself to stay still. Kate's eyes were filled with tears, he was almost certain she was going to say yes, yet his previous arrogance brought them there in the first place, so he wasn't going to make bold assumptions anymore.
After what felt like the longest seconds in his life, Kate smirked the tiniest smirk in history. "Didn't your father ask your mother before midnight?"
Thank God
"I have no idea what you're referring to." He tried to sound playful but with her not actually conforming to his proposal he still felt too anxious to embrace it.
"Sure you don't," Kate rolled her eyes at him. "Sentimental old man," she wrapped her arms around him and let her head rest against his chest.
"Kate," Anthony needed an actual yes for him to linger in her touch. Yet the comfort of her body against his made it hard for him to breathe, "please, will you marry me?" he kissed the tip of her head, "please say yes. I want all that we've discussed, I want to be your husband, I want us to buy a house together, and I want to be the father of your kids. Please say yes… Kate, I want to give you everything you want, just like we talked about." Tears were falling on his cheeks but he didn't bother to wipe them.
"I'm not sure," Kate whispered against his chest, "at this point I'm not sure I can say yes to the order you're suggesting.."
"Kate?" Anthony was back to sheer panic, "what're you trying to tell me?"
"If our siblings are anything to go by, it takes a while to organize a wedding, right?"
Anthony nodded, he started to feel slightly comforted when he looked at his girlfriend, she had tears in her eyes too, but there was something else as well. He heard himself gasping for air when he started to understand what Kate was about to say.
"Yes, months if I remember correctly," he nodded, but he stopped abruptly when Kate's hands were on his cheeks. Her long fingers caressed his skin, her deep dark eyes looked straight at him ordering him to take in every word she was about to speak.
"Can you be okay with not doing things exactly like your parents?"
"Yes," he whispered. "Yes.." he put his hands on top of hers, "but why Kate?"
"I simply don't think we have time to get married before we'll be parents,"
"I don't care," Anthony lifted her and spun her around, "I don't fucking care. I love you. I LOVE you."
He was going to be a father. Nothing else mattered. Kate was making him a father. Kate was with him. They were doing this together.
"I love you too," Kate said in between kisses, "and if you were still wondering, yes, I'll marry you."
"Happy new year to us," Anthony said softly while he touched her belly with one hand. He thought he was going to explode from happiness, this was everything he'd hoped for and so much more.
Kate shivered and kissed him again. "Happy new year to us,"