Chapter Text
1. Garden Song
It’s dangerous to play romantic. Zay knows this logically, works to remind himself of it every time his mind starts to drift to the theoretical pets and gardens out front. Nothing about their relationship is guaranteed, and they exist perpetually on the fine line of collapse, and yet Zay imagines anyway.
2. Kyoto
Charlie impressed himself with how well he was handling it all, once he found his footing in Malo. It’s almost a wonder why he didn’t do this sooner, or what made it seem so hard to try.
Then that Wednesday morning he wakes up in Kyoto, and it’s like he can’t breathe.
3. Halloween
“I just like… I want to get away. From here. I want to go somewhere else, where I won’t have to think about like, all the usual nonsense. If we’re going to do this, have fun with Halloween, I want to be able to do it right. Even if we just go, you know, upstate, or to Jersey, whatever. I really want to commit. Go somewhere else, experience something else, be someone else.”
4. Chinese Satellite
God willing, they’ll never have to talk about religion again.
5. Savior Complex
One time, Charlie confessed that he thought about giving up his spot to Missy. So that Lucas wouldn’t have to be cast out, so he could escape the crumbling foun dations of their romance and not have to face it every day. He didn’t, because as Zay damn well knows, he’s a fucking coward, but he seriously considered it.
6. ICU
“If I feel good,” Charlie says wisely, “it’ll be the last time.”
After all, having fun is trouble.
7. Graceland Too
Maybe he doesn’t have to. The idea strikes him in a moment of fantasy—he could go see him now. Sure, it’s half past eleven, and he didn’t give himself time to prepare. But so what? He gets to call the shots now. All he needs to do is lace up his shoes, climb down the ivory tower, and make the most important pilgrimage of his life. He can do it whenever he wants.
He could do anything he wants.
8. I Know The End
There’s gravity between Zay and Charlie.