Chapter Text
"I keep thinking about this river somewhere, with the water moving really fast. And these two people in the water, trying to hold onto each other, holding on as hard as they can, but in the end it's just too much. The current's too strong. They've got to let go, drift apart. That's how it is with us."
- Kazuo Ishiguro, Never Let Me Go
BEGINNING
Aloy’s surprise, though tired, was evident. Her eyes widen - the green has flecks of sand in them it seems, from the arena perhaps - and she parts her lips slightly. The fight has stained her teeth red with blood and she winces like something’s been knocked loose.
“Talanah,” She manages though, despite the pain. “Y-you’re here. W-…what are you doing here?”
It’s like she’s forgotten Talanah came here with her in the first place, like she has no memory or awareness of what the last thirty minutes has been. All her thoughts have been are Regalla and the adrenaline rushing through her veins. She reaches out with the hand that definitely doesn’t have a broken finger and touches Talanah’s arm, as if to make sure she’s real.
The moment she does, the moment she feels the soft hairs on the back of Talanah’s sun-tanned forearm, she blacks out and falls forward. She’s not aware of Kotallo catching her before she breaks her nose on the sand-rock floor.
1
Talanah sees the boom before she hears it. She’s halfway up the lift back to Meridian when the sky on the horizon lights up like a lantern and such a deafening BANG follows it that it has Talanah - and everybody else on the lift - clutching their ears and shrieking. It’s loud, louder than anything Talanah has ever heard before and were it not for the already sinking feeling in her chest, she would’ve screamed too.
She forces her eyes open and watches out for the mountain line. Through the haze and through the dust cloud that now falls over the Utaru plainlands and almost reaches Barren Light, she can see the mountain that stands tallest of them all and she knows, by the Sun, she knows it’s something to do with Aloy.
The cable car shakes with such impact that the chains it’s suspended by jangle in the quake. Amadis makes a grab for her arm to keep himself steady or to cushion his fall if the car goes but his hand wavers and catches her shoulder instead.
“By the Sun,” He swears. “What was that?”
She doesn’t respond, only keeping her eyes on the mountain ahead. C’mon, Aloy, give me a sign. Give me a sign you’re alright. The sky dims back to its usual hue and it begins to rain. The others on the car are already discussing their theories, talking in hushed tones though they’re all discussing the same topic and are privy to no one. Shit. Did you see that? What did you think that was? By the forge, this can’t be good.
Amadis’ hand tightens on her shoulder. “Tal? You okay?”
Talanah turns but says nothing. She‘s made her decision already, though it wasn’t something that took much thought. In fact, if she looks back on it, it didn’t take any thought at all. It was an obvious decision, a reflex, a fucking natural instinct. She pushes past Amadis and shoves her way through the other passengers, letting his hand fall off of her shoulder in the process, and propels herself towards the operator. Amadis doesn’t follow her, knows not to by this point. If he learned one thing from their little ‘mission’ in the Lowlands, it was never to question Talanah Khane Padish regarding a certain Nora outlander. So, because he respects her and because he values what’s left of his dwindling dignity, he sighs and looks back out over the Daunt without another word.
Talanah speaks to the operator in a tone that left no room for argument: “Turn us back.”
And yet-
“Are you crazy?”
“I need to go back.”
“Lady, you’re lucky we’re even still on the cables. I don’t know what that was but shit, I thought we were going down for sure.”
Talanah sighs. She fixes Kahrn with a particularly sharp glare - one that would have fledgelings back at the Lodge scampering for cover - and waits. She knows Sunhawk threats won’t get her anywhere with an Oseram but she could outlast him on stubbornness alone. Thankfully, Kahrn seemed to be the lesser of the patient types because after about thirty seconds, he sighs and rubs the back of his neck.
“Look, I’ll help you. Let me get the car up to the ridge, get these people off, then I’ll turn it back and take you back down. No charge.”
She blinks, surprised. She’d expected more of a fight. “Really? You’ll do that?”
He shrugs. “I know who you are. I know who your friend is.”
She blinks again. “You know Aloy?”
“Sure do. I heard how that embassy of hers went down. Wouldn’t be surprised if that-“ He gestures to the skyline. “-had something to do with her. I’ll crank it back down but only once I get these people to safety. Call it a favour repaid. An order for an order.”
He smiles but Talanah doesn’t know what he’s talking about so instead, she thanks him and turns back to the edge of the car. It was raining harder now and for the fool of it all, she knows it’s something to do with Aloy. The rain, the blast, the mist that now almost entirely covers Plainsong in its shroud - it’s so undoubtedly Aloy that Talanah almost wishes she associated the red-headed huntress with something more normal so that she wouldn’t have this horrible, sinking feeling every time she thought about her. Then again, she never wanted to think of Aloy as normal. As if she could ever be.
When the cable car stops, opens, and lets people off; the only ones left on it are Talanah and Kahrn. Amadis hesitates at the ridge’s mouth, glances over his shoulder to the Sunhawk, and waits a moment. When she doesn’t turn, he stops by the edge and plucks the verdant bloom growing out of the ground. He crossed back into the cable car, and thrust them into Talanah’s hand. When she looks at him, confused, he only nods and briefly closes his eyes.
“We are done here.”
They both know he doesn’t mean their relationship, if it could’ve even been called that. In fact, Talanah isn’t entirely sure what he means but she takes the flowers anyway, briefly grateful for some acknowledgment on her part. This is her payment she supposes; her reward for getting him back to the Sundom unharmed. She wonders but does not ask if it is nice to be going home again after all this time. She supposes it must be, but she feels no want in herself to join him and for that, she’s proud of herself.
Amadis smiles, as if he knows what she’s thinking and nods again, a silent answer. It’s strange, she briefly realises. She’ll miss him, but she’s not angry that it’s ending this way - not anymore anyway. It’s like he said, and it’s like these flowers. It ends here. Amadis leaves the shuttle without another word and Kahrn closes the gate behind him and begins cranking.
As Talanah fades away, Amadis smiles sadly and sighs. If Talanah Khane Padish had gone that far and done that much just to bring him home then, well, Sun’s offspring, he wondered what she’d do just to get Aloy in her sights again. With the rain on his back and the horizon in the future, he turned back towards the Sundom.
It ends here, he thought, and carried on alone.
2
Talanah thinks of Aloy as she sticks to the outskirts of the Utaru plainlands. She doesn’t know if it’s the eerie silence of the grasslands around her or the thick fog she wanders through that makes her think of it, but it’s a welcome distraction. It’s raining harder now and her black hair sticks to the back of her neck as she runs over a weave bridge.
She finds the memory that’s most distracting - the one that’s stopping her from boiling over into a full-blown panic - is the first one she’d had of Aloy. Of that flame red-hair that strode into the Hunting Lodge, stormed up to Ahsis and all but shoved those Sawtooth hearts into his arms. Then, when he’d finally accepted her in, she’d marched down the stairs in the same abrupt manner and demanded sponsorship. The appearance of her had made Talanah smile - red-faced, annoyed, hair in total disarray - it was the very assured naivety of her position that had made Talanah like her in the first place.
Ah, the Nora. A strong certain breed, if a suspicious one. Talanah didn’t have much in terms of actual experience with the eastern tribe - never had any need for it - but she’d heard some stories regarding their ways and opinions of outsiders. Outcasts, elders, Proving rituals - she shuddered at the thought of answering to old women all her life. It had been bad enough working under Ahsis. Talanah often wondered, with stories like those, how Aloy and Varl had ever turned out to be so open-minded and how they’d even made it as far as Meridian. She’d heard Nora braves that stepped outside of the eastern territory were as good as dead in the eyes of their superiors. Varl’s mother was the War-Chief she remembered. She wondered what she thought of her son’s adventures out here.
A twig snapped. Talanah pulled her bowstring back tight against her face before she could even comprehend what she’d heard.
Something moved in the tree line. First orange, then brown, then a flash of white. At first, Talanah expected a fox or a boar or something but then a loud, familiar yelp followed it and she lowered her bow. She pushed through the brush a little more.
“Erend?”
The blob of colour stopped moving and Talanah came out onto the pathway. For a few seconds, nobody moved. Erend’s eyes were red, as were his cheeks and the skin beneath his mouth. A deep cut had nearly sliced into his moustache and blood wetted his face like a bad stain.
Stood beside him were two companions, both women in various degrees of upset. One of them was a Utaru in a get-up more formal than Milu’s, but not one that Talanah didn’t recognise. Gravesingers, she believed they were called. The woman stared back at Talanah with a mixture of reservation and uncertainty and her fingers were tight around the bow in her hand. She had already taken an arrow out of its quiver and by the way her gaze sharpened at Talanah’s presence: Talanah didn’t doubt she would use it without hesitation.
The other one was shorter and younger, and wore a garb Talanah didn’t recognise at all. It was white, with fabric and beads and little glass-like objects that looked a little like lobster shells. She was in a state, her face as red as Erend’s and her breath shaky and uneven. She was crying, that much was obvious, and she flinched when she saw Talanah, hiding her face in her hands and then herself behind Erend’s great frame. Talanah swallowed; this couldn’t be good.
She waited for them to come to her.
Erend spoke first: “Boy, am I glad to see you.” He said, relief washing over him. He didn’t hug her, but clapped a hand on her shoulder and shook it respectfully. His smile was sad, and so were his eyes, she noticed, but it seemed as though he were trying to keep upbeat for her sake and the sake of his companions. She wished he didn’t. “Shit,” He sighed. “I wish we weren’t meeting like this though.”
“Erend.” Talanah put away her bow and touched his hand. “It’s good to see you. I saw the blast.” She said. “I assume that was you?”
“Uh-“ He gave an empty laugh, rubbing the back of his head. “I don’t know, you could say that. Truth be told, I don’t-…it’s all a bit hard to explain. It’s…it’s a mess, is what it is.”
“Something to do with Aloy?”
“Amongst other things.” He sighed heavily and seated himself on a nearby rock. He put his face in his hands. “Forge and spit, we’ve really fucked it up this time.”
Talanah’s frown deepened. “What’s going on?”
She noticed something on the side of his head, beside his eye. It was small and white, triangular like an arrowhead. She realised it was one of those devices that Aloy wore, a contraption that she didn’t understand but certainly didn’t complain about. At a quick glance, she noticed the Utaru and the other woman wore them too and in a moment, she knew what this was. One of those missions Aloy was always talking about, the further West she had to go. The job she had to do.
Talanah wasn’t an idiot. She knew Aloy didn’t keep her secrets out of selfishness, Sun, it was probably the opposite but it didn’t make it any the less frustrating. Time and time again, that was all Talanah wanted; to sit Aloy down and get the truth out of her. To know what ever the hell this journey was, what was so important to her. She didn’t deny it would be something monumental, something that would change your entire being, because knowing Aloy of course it was - but that didn’t stop Talanah from wanting to know about it.
Yes, this definitely was one of those occasions. One of those ones where she was kept out of the sun and in the shadows instead. This was one of those times where all Talanah could think about was Aloy. How she knew her better than she knew herself and yet, didn’t know her at all. She wished she knew Aloy inside and out, better than she thought she did, better than anybody else. Shit, Talanah wanted all the answers. Why Aloy couldn’t stay, why she couldn’t explain, why she wouldn’t just say it.
She sighed and looked downwards. “Is she alive?” She asked quietly, picking at a bowstring.
Erend said nothing.
“Erend, is she alive?”
The Utaru stepped forward. “We don’t know.” She said in a smooth voice that was even and collected but it dripped with such a grim and solemn tone that it set Talanah on edge. “We haven’t heard from her since the blast. We haven’t seen a trace of her either.”
“Couldn’t see a trace of anything in that damn hole.” Erend swore bitterly. He got up, his face twisting into an ugly, angry expression. “Everything we had, everything we worked for - gone. And now, we don’t know where Aloy is - let alone if she’s even alive for us to find. And Varl-“
He suddenly shut up, taking in a deep breath and putting a hand over his eyes again. His shoulders shook as he sat. There was a look on his face that unsettled Talanah greatly. A defeat of some capacity; with no urge to stir or fuss, a far-off look in his eyes that seemed to make him hollow inside. She’d seen it in her father a fair few times, her brother too. Something was wrong. The woman in the unusual get-up burst into another round of fresh tears and the Utaru swallowed.
“Varl’s dead.” She finally said bluntly.
Talanah felt the breath in her throat physically catch. Her eyes widened. Varl? Dead? Those two words in the same sentence didn’t feel right, didn’t seem right. How could that be? How could Varl be dead? She’d seen him just last week, just before she’d gotten into trouble with that stupid Longleg. He’d been fine, as solid and cheerful as ever. How could he be…gone?
She looked at the ground. The rest of the air in her lungs came out strained and painful. “Shit.” She swore. It felt as if she were swallowing nails. “Sun’s blaze…I can’t-…fuck, what happened?”
“We haven’t really got the time to explain. Not stood here, anyway. We’re heading back to the base up in the mountains to regroup, get our heads together.”
“And get a drink.” Erend muttered. “I need a fucking drink.”
The second woman fleeted to his side, her hands nervously on his shoulders. He didn’t lean into her but he seemed grateful of the comfort. The Utaru eyed him tiredly.
“We’ve been through a lot. Right now, we need to get back and put ourselves back together. We’re no good to Aloy if we’re bleeding and broken ourselves.”
“And we’re no good to anyone if Aloy’s dead.”
She looked away. “We can’t think like that.” She said, more to herself than anybody else, and Talanah noticed how she wrapped her arms around herself in thought. “We need to find Kotallo as well.”
“Kotallo?” Talanah echoed. “Who’s Kotallo?”
“A friend of ours. He scouted up ahead about two hours ago but we haven’t seen him or heard from him since.”
“You’re worried he’s found trouble?”
“No. Kotallo’s practically invincible when it comes to trouble. I’m worried about other things. There’s a shift in the air.”
Talanah frowned.
“You’ve probably heard but there’s something of a dispute going on between the Tenakth clans - a rebellion. Regalla plans to march on the Grove and judging by the way this weather is getting harder…I wouldn’t be surprised if her and her forces were on the move right now. If Kotallo’s gone astray, that’s where he’ll be.”
Now she swallowed. She didn’t like the sound of that. Milu had given her some brief history of the situation between the Utaru and the Tenakth, enough to dispel Carja beliefs that the latter were cannibals that drank each other’s blood, but not enough to teach Talanah the true divide between the Tenakth clans themselves. As far as she was concerned, the Tenakth were master fighters to be avoided at all costs - especially if you were a Carja. The thought of a civil war between them was nightmare-inducing to say the least. She felt a shiver go down her spine.
“This…Kotallo. You’re sure that’s where he’ll be? Defending the Grove?”
The Utaru nodded.
“Then he can look after himself?”
“Probably better than all of us combined.”
“Then he’ll be fine for now. We should try and find Aloy.”
The woman gestured over at Erend. “Alva’s been trying to contact her for hours. All of us have. There’s been nothing.”
Talanah tried to ignore how her throat tightened at that. “Then we follow your plan…?”
She thankfully caught her drift. “I’m Zo.” She introduced, bowing her head slightly. Talanah was slightly surprised at that, how this Utaru woman, Zo, spoke to her with such impassive regard. It was as though she hadn’t even noticed she was Carja - though Talanah knew she had. It was only out here that Talanah gained even a slight glimpse of how Aloy was treated back in the Sundom, treated anywhere. Carja wench this, Sun-filth that - at least she’d not had to put up with it her entire life like Aloy had. Talanah supposed she’d never truly experience anything of Aloy’s and maybe, perhaps, for that she was grateful.
She extended her hand. “Talanah Khane Padish.”
She felt a little silly saying her whole name like that but it was a habit she had never been able to break out of. If Aloy hadn’t minded - she wasn’t too worried about anybody else’s reaction.
Zo, however, eyed her hand warily. It was clearly a foreign concept to her to shake hands but she did it anyway. “I’m not going to remember all of that.” She said.
The corner of Talanah’s mouth quirked upwards. “Right.” She said. She could see why Aloy kept her around. “Just Talanah is fine.”
Zo nodded. “Good. Well, Talanah-“ She tried the name out on her tongue slowly. “It’s this way. I’ll tell you the rest of it on the walk. Alva?”
The shorter woman looked up.
“Try to keep contacting Aloy. See if you can get Kotallo, if you can.”
She, Alva, nodded but said nothing. She helped Erend to his feet. Talanah and Zo exchanged a glance.
“It’s a long story.”
“Hit me. You’ll find I’m pretty patient when it comes to Aloy.”