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Chapter Text

“Fear leads to anger,

Anger leads to hate.

Hate leads to suffering.”

The world roared and then went eerily silent as the beast slammed him into the floor and left him there.  Its words coming through dimly as it walked away.

“Puny god.”

Loki gave no witty retort merely a wheezy gasp as the last of the link with The Other was broken.  The tendrils and claws that had dug into his mind released and slithered away…he was free.

He could have laughed in sheer surprise, but held back lest the Hulk hear him and come back to finish the job.  As the shock slowly faded the pain settled back in.  It was an old friend by now that lived in his very bones.  From the first days of training when he was not as fast as Thor, as strong as Thor, as good as Thor.  No pain no gain they had always liked to say.  He got used to the pulled muscles, the bruises, and the taunts that came with them.   Perhaps that was why he had lasted so long against him-Thanos.  Not long enough though.  He had fought hard against his captors, but he hadn’t stood firm against the enemy.  He’d still been twisted and bent to suit their needs.  They were the only reason he was even here after all.

“Look around you!  You think this madness will end with your rule!?”

No, Loki knew whatever they promised him was a lie and the best he could hope for was to simply survive this.  Thrones and the thrill of battle were never something he craved anyway.

Just another way he was not a proper Aesir.

“He kept the truth from you so you would never feel different.”

But he was different, lesser, and he would never be able to escape that now.

“No, Loki.”

Loki took a deep breath moaned as his ribs protested and forced himself to focus his mind on the present.  He had survived this.  He had gotten away from them, both in mind and body.  He was safe at least as safe as he could be given the current circumstances.

Still he would be able to tell the whole truth now, no one would believe him at first of course it would be seen as dodging responsibility now that he’d lost, as if losing hadn’t been the goal from the start.  A quick survey of the floor showed the scepter was gone meaning Dr. Selvig’s failsafe was likely doing its job, Loki smirked, it was a rather ingenious plan really to use one stone against the other.  The mortals were capable of being quite clever at times.  Once the portal was closed the army would be defeated, and he would go quietly.  There would be no easy way for them to reach him now.

“If you fail if the Tesseract is kept from us there will be no realm, no barren moon, no crevice where he can’t find you.”

Loki knew they would make good on that threat, but that still gave him time, time to prepare.  Time to warn as many realms and worlds as possible if somebody, anybody would hear him.  They would listen to his words eventually Loki told himself, trying to calm his racing nerves, for the good of the universe if nothing else.  They had to.

Loki groaned as he slowly pulled himself out of the hole in the floor, managing to make it part way up the steps.  He stopped short though as there was a distinct shift in the air, something had changed, and he looked behind him to see the six of them looming over him.

He kept his hands slightly behind him to show he posed no further threat and to brace himself in case they decided an after battle thrashing was necessary.

 “If it’s all the same to you,” he said with a slight smile, "I’ll have that drink now.”

They got him standing and Thor clamped chains around his wrists.  As he did Loki could feel his magic being cut off and he forced himself not to whimper as it hurt to lose it even in the tatters that it currently was.

Thankfully the so called Avengers were more than happy to provide distractions.

“On my way down to coordinate search and rescue.”

“On my way down to coordinate search and rescue,” he mocked, thankful that his ability to shift was still intact if limited.

While Loki could see the potential in some of this realm, these mortals however were embarrassing.  Acting as if the world was just and good.  Why in all the realms did his brother wish to be with them?  Thor believed everyone less than himself.

“I mean honestly how do you keep your food down-”

“Shut up,” Thor responded, as a muzzle was clamped roughly across his mouth.

“Know your place, brother.”

Ah, there was the Thor he knew.

No other words were spoken as they crowded into the elevator and went downstairs.  Where they were   confronted by a rather large group of people in suits given the area around the tower should have been fully evacuated. 

“May I ask you where you’re going?”

“Bit of lunch and then Asgard, and I’m sorry you are?”

Of course it wasn’t like Thor to clean up his own mess that was always a job for someone else.

“Alexander Pierce.  He’s one of the folks behind Nick Fury,” Stark answered.  

 This person was above Nicolas Fury?  That was new.  Not one of the things Agent Barton knew apparently.

“My friends call me Mr. Secretary.  I’m going to have to ask you to turn that prisoner over to us.”

“Oh no, Loki will be answering to Odin himself.”

Loki rolled his eyes oh yes that was sure to go well honestly he’d rather take his chances with Midgardian justice those trials as he understood it at least came with a mandatory defender.

***

Thor eventually won the right to take Loki with him mostly thanks to the Hulk bursting through a door yelling about stairs and having a sturdier container than a suitcase that had nearly opened when it had gone skittering across the floor in the mayhem. 

Thus with the Tesseract in hand the return to Asgard was swift and Loki found himself on the rainbow bridge as the sun began to set.  Though he tried to stop himself Loki’s eyes glanced to the edge of the bridge and an image flashed in his mind of a hand tight on his neck while their father-Odin stood by and watched.

“The Jotuns must learn to fear me just as they once did you.”

“Father-”

Odin just let out a howl of rage.

“We will finish them together.”

There was a nod and a flash of light.

“I, Odin All Father cast you out!”

Loki knew what came next him being tossed into a dark endless abyss to be ‘saved’ by something worse, but instead the image shifted and a hand that had been tight on his neck was instead holding tight to Gungnir.  Loki’s hand over the other end as they dangled off the shattered edge of the bridge, Odin above them and Loki knew in an instant the fear coursing around them was Thor’s not his.

“Loki, no!”

The world shrunk then, the bridge, Thor, the universe so vast in comparison as he floated away from them.

Loki blinked hard and stumbled back.

What in all the Nine was that?

He didn’t have time to dwell on it as Thor pushed him onwards.  A quick look backwards though revealed a familiar figure standing at end of the bridge where a new Bifrost stood nearly finished.  Heimdall still stood at his post despite his attempt at regicide; and allowing the Warriors Four to travel to Thor in an attempt to over throw him, betrayed by those who should have been the most loyal. 

Loki had often wondered if he had been abandoned to the Black Order and this was his answer.

“I no longer need to obey you.”

As if he ever had.  No doubt Heimdall had watched and enjoyed his suffering.

As they arrived in the city proper they were met by said Warriors Four as if they had not disobeyed his express command as king and abandoned their post in a time of war.  That Thor still stood by them after all that told Loki once and for all who his brother was loyal to and clearly always had been.

He heard the soft chuckle Sif gave as they shoved him into a cell, sending him to his knees, and he bit his tongue to hold back the scream of pain.  He was not giving them the satisfaction even if the muzzle would muffle it.

Thor took no note of their actions as always, simply kept his eyes down as he turned away.   As he did he turned the walls solid so Loki only heard their footsteps as they left him to his cage.  With him locked up though the other restraints were no longer necessary and the muzzle and chains fell away.  Loki spat blood on the ground and rubbed his wrists.  Then he sprawled on the floor to every muscle’s relief, closed his eyes against the sheer amount of white, and tried to work out his next move.  Asgard was going to be harder to deal with than Midgard.  Everyone here had never respected him and they would not have started to in his absence, but still Loki knew the protocol for prisoners.

There would be an exam to ensure his physical health, as dying in custody was frowned upon.  Even if they only did a superficial exam surely the healers would see the injuries that had not come from the battle, the damage to his seidr, the scars that still festered in his mind and kept him from sleep.

Then there would be the interrogation, possibly prompted by his health or lack thereof.  Perhaps Thor or Odin would even be the one to give it.   They would not have to do much to make him talk, but maybe he should put on a show so they could feel that had bested him properly.  Even if they believed his was simply an ally, a villain.  Who had made a bad deal and gotten in over his head, Loki rubbed absently at his lips, it certainly wouldn’t be the first time they had thought thus.  He still would be able to give names, and what he knew of their plans.  Descriptions of the others who were there and suffered too and might be used just as he was, not only to know where other attacks might happen, but to be able to show compassion to those who weren’t acting on their own will.

But no one came. 

No healers, not even an acolyte so he could be used as a training tool.  Thor for all his claims of brotherhood and wanting him to come home made no appearance not even to gloat.

Time rolled on and Loki was left in the cell alone with the bright lights that made his head pound.  The walls remained as opaque as Thor had left them so Loki couldn’t see out to the others he knew were beyond his cell.  He wasn’t sure if it was hours or days or more that he remained in total isolation.

A tray of water and gruel arrived consistently and that gave Loki some form of routine.   It was utterly tasteless, but that suited Loki well enough.  He knew his stomach couldn’t handle anything better anyway.  So dutifully he ate and did his best to heal.  In the far corner by the back wall he discovered the steps to the bathing chamber below and though it was little more than a large basin and terribly cold Loki still sunk into the water with a grateful sigh and scrubbed his skin raw, leaving his hair curly just to know that it was clean.  Slowly the small cuts closed and the bruises faded. 

His back was going take longer though and he knew it.  The last ‘training session’ had severed his spinal column completely and leading up to the invasion his magic was the only thing keeping him standing let alone walking.  Bouncing around in the back of a vehicle and being slammed into ever surface while on Earth had done him no favours.  A small plush couch had come at some point however he remained on the floor to keep it flat and tried to make sense of his memories.  Being back on Asgard had brought back fragments and like his flash on the bridge they were…wrong.

So with nothing to do, but sprawl on the ground and think Loki cast his mind back and tried to understand.  He worked to fit the pieces of the puzzle back to a true picture of his past.   It hurt, in all ways that it could hurt.   It hurt to remember the words and actions that made him feel so alone.  The feeling of reaching for something that he now knew with utter clarity he would never have.  It hurt to recall how close he was to so many little things that were lost to him now.  His rooms where he had spent countless hours content with his own projects.   Reading, studying magic, bent over any number of cauldrons brewing until the first rays of dawn filtered through the windows, and sneaking late night treats from the kitchens.  Loki allowed himself a small smile as he thought of whom he had often shared those treats with.  Of trilling laughter and inquisitive questions, gone too soon from those walls.  The walls themselves filled with books and souvenirs from his travels.  The most treasured ones he had in his pocket dimension, and with a pang Loki remembered he had no access to that either at the moment, but a handful of them he had put on display.  It was a place that he had made that was truly his.  

He would never have anything that was truly his again not even his memories it seemed.  Still he persevered, focused on what he’d seen on the bridge as it seemed they had weaved that into something for their own benefit.  Loki knew he was nothing if not a problem solver, someone had to keep Asgard from falling to ruins, so despite the pain he painstakingly untangled the threads of words and actions, focusing on that memory from the bridge most closely, and he slowly understood that they were separate events.  That most of those words came from their return from Jotunheim and that Odin was banishing Thor not him.  That going off the bridge was his choice.  That while he had felt rage at Thor for all that was given so freely to him and terror of what he would do if he discovered what his so called brother really was.  There was still…

“Never doubt that I love you.” 

Thor had no more reasons to care for him in return though not now that they both knew what he was.  That cell on the helicarrier was indeed not for him so he heard Thor’s ‘he’s adopted’ line loud and clear.  What had they told him?  That it had been a benevolent act?  Loki winced as he recalled the confrontation in the vault.

“What am I?”

“You’re my son.”

“What more than that?”

Nothing, just the spare.  Given the chance to prove himself and he couldn’t even hold it together long enough to do so.

“Make your father proud.”

Like Sisyphus with the boulder it was an unobtainable goal, probably from the start if Odin had indeed always meant to send him away.

“So I am no more than another stolen relic.  Locked up until you might have use of me?”

Well someone found a use for him.

He had been so angry, against what he was and the universe at large it had been easy for them to twist it to their whims.  

“So you seek the Earth as recompense for your imagined slights!”

Oh he could only wish those were.

“You’re not dressed warmly enough.”

“I’m sorry?”

“You think you can deceive me.”

“You must be mistaken-”

“Enough!”

“What happened? Silver tongue turn to lead?”

And then came that unbearable laughter.

He had been their prince!  A member of the royal family and they believed it acceptable to cut him off and insult him!

“Some do battle, others just do tricks.”

A servant’s laughter reached his ears.

Well after eons of that it was easy to see why they thought he could be spoken to like that.  If those who supposedly loved and cared for him thought he and his skills and accomplishments were worthy of derision everyone else could follow suit.  Why should anyone defend the runt Jotun foundling anyway?

And yet…

“We were raised together.  We played together.  We fought together.  Do you remember none of that?”

He hadn’t actually.  Not just because the sessions with his captors had twisted his memories and allowed him to be fuelled only by his anger and hatred so he could be used as a weapon, but also because you had to always be in the present moment in Sanctuary for one’s very survival.  He hadn’t thought about what he’d lost since the early days of screaming his vocal cords bloody.  They had used to their advantage too, stoked the aggression that had already been present; had smothered any good feelings and pushed those memories out further so only rage, jealousy, and hurt remained.  It didn’t change the fact that there were good times though between the pain and loneliness.  They were centuries old now, a childhood long past, but they had happened.

And others hadn’t.

Memories he was so certain were real like being exiled and tossed into the void were not and therefore Loki was forced to accept that he was even more of a puppet for Thanos than he’d realized.   And that really didn’t help him sleep.  He often awoke with a feral scream from the nightmares, opening new cuts on his arms as he clawed at himself and the couch went flying into a wall.  On one of those occasions it hit hard enough to crack the base and the sound of splintering wood only encouraged Loki to break it further.  With his energy spent Loki curled into a fetal position in a vain attempt at comfort and cried.  In those moments he was glad no one had seen him.  At least he was alone in his shame.  As someone so weak who had not endured as a proper warrior should, but instead broke and put countless lives at risk in the process.  Everyone had always believed him less than Thor and he had proven them all right.

***

Loki stared at his meal as the usual gruel and cup of water were not there but instead a proper soup with a warm loaf of bread by its side.  It came on a real table along with a bowl of grapes, only the red ones, and a goblet of wine.  The wine’s scent was strong and Loki recognized it was a summer blend from Vanaheim, one of his favourites.

He turned to see her in his cell looking just as regal as he remembered.

“Mother.”

“After.  After whatever tortures Fury can concoct.  You would appear as a friend, as a balm and I would cooperate.”

Even if that was all she was Loki still bit his lip to keep from smiling.  He’d missed her, missed what they’d shared.  She who had guided him to his gift of seidr, who could never be angry at him for long;  she who had never shunned his desire for loving touch even as he grew older.  Being open with her had always been so much easier than with Odin.  If anyone would listen it would be her.

A jagged voice from the back of his mine retorted with the times when she would excuse Odin’s behaviour or Thor’s when he had been too rough.  Or his friends had dis-respected him and she told him to simply accept such things.  Loki shoved it down violently.  He couldn’t trust his own thoughts anyway.  She had come it meant something, this was his chance.

“Loki.”

She glanced to the side, eyeing the remains of the couch.

Loki looked away in shame, she had likely sent it. 

“Mother, I-”

“You hurt Thor.”

“Well to be fair he did grab me by the neck, shove me out of a moving plane, and slam into the side of a mountain.”

She did not look amused by his answer.

Loki took a deep breath and nodded.

“Yes, yes I did it was never meant to be serious or fatal to him, I think some part of him wanted to help me, but I could not let him be close I…”

He had to.  He had to push Thor away, because if any part of him truly did still care then Thor would run off to battle with no plan just as he had to Jotunheim.  He would fight on Loki’s behalf and he would die and Loki could not allow that.

 “You blasted him with Gungnir through a wall and you want me to believe you had no ill, why?”

The question left Loki left momentarily stunned and he pursed his lips in confusion.  That was what she wished to know about?  Then again it was the last time she had seen him, but for Loki that was already a lifetime ago.

“What has been told of those events?” he asked cautiously.  If they had constructed a narrative to save face with the people Loki was not certain he would be able to tell the difference between it and reality.

“The people were told Laufey and a small force infiltrated the palace.  Heimdall was sworn to secrecy that he saw you let them in.”   

Loki just gave a jerk of his head.  With distance he could see all the flaws in his plan and he had put her in harm’s way to do it, what had he been thinking?  Still that couldn't be changed now he had to focus on the threat that was coming he needed to move past her questions.   

“I told you they would pay for what they had done.  Attacking them with the Bifrost was meant as a retaliation.  I needed justification for it.  The last attack was Thor’s and so I could not finish them in turn without provocation.”

He spoke slowly, calmly, making sure events followed as they should.

“And the Destroyer?”

“His friends had committed treason in going to retrieve Thor to usurp the throne and Heimdall as well in letting them through the Bifrost.  What would you have had me do?”

“They are all warriors you could have sent the army to retrieve them and not caused such destruction.”

Loki barely managed to stop rolling his eyes at that.  Yes the army that would have looked no less threatening on Midgard and headed by General Tyr who had done nothing but belittle him since he’d first joined the training circles.  Teaching the warriors that his words and methods held no value and so a guard didn’t think it important to take a message to his king in a timely manner and prevent all this in the first place.  Yes that would have gone over very well indeed.

“You didn’t answer my question, Loki, why?  Why hurt him, why lie to him that his father was dead and that I did not wish him back!”

 “I needed time.  As I said my attack needed to be justified and I thought it was a way to finish the war swiftly and effectively-”

“No, don’t speak as if this was nothing but a war game scenario, why did you do it?”

As she cut him off Loki realized his mistake.  In trying to explain things simply to keep everything straight in his own head and be able to move on to what was coming he was being too clinical about the events so, trying to ignore the pain drilling behind his eye, he forced himself to speak the truth.

“I feared what Thor would do to me with the knowledge of what I am.  As children he said he would hunt the monsters down and slay them all.  On Jotunheim he swore to finish them together even as we stood surrounded.  He took joy in their deaths, I didn’t.  I needed to be safe and Odin said he wanted to bring about a permanent peace through me and I could give him that without Thor.  I would be worthy I…I...”

Loki took a deep steady breath, calm, control he must do better.  He needed to be open, vulnerable, it was the only way.  He would lay his motives bare and be judged for it, harshly of course, but at least everyone else might be safe.  A small sacrifice really.

"I wanted to make father proud, like you told me.  Not one Asgardian life was at risk and I would have saved his life from our sworn enemy."

“And you begrudge Thor your defeat of it so instead you take your fight to Earth.  Take out your anger on innocents who have done nothing to you.”

Loki felt something twist in his chest. Erik’s words when he’d first arrived through the Tesseract coming back to him and his rational thoughts leaving as it came.

“Loki brother of Thor.”

“Earth has nothing to do with Thor!”

Despite himself Loki began to pace in agitation, ignoring the way his back pinched with each sharp turn.  A warrior pushed through the pain.

“Why is he, you, everyone?!  Ready to see this as nothing more than some petty sibling squabble?!”

“What else am I to think when I have heard you have been pushed to such deeds by jealousy of your brother?!”

“I am jealous of him true enough, but why shouldn’t I be when he was given the chance at redemption after attacking a realm of his own free will and I’m locked away in a cell to be forgotten!?”

 “You know your own actions have brought you here, Loki.”

“My actions!  Does taking another’s army to a city that holds no military value seem like something I would do!?”

“Everything since Jotunheim is nothing like you and yet you stand there trying to justify your words and actions so don’t lie to me again!”

Loki’s nails dug into his palms.  This was not going the way he wished at all, and the pain was only growing the longer he moved so he forced himself to stop and be still.  Arguments in the House of Odin were not new and his mother’s role as peacemaker was a firm one.  He would have to be the one to apologize first of course as always, foolish of him to try otherwise.  Gritting his teeth he worked to shove all the pain and emotion back down once more, as he had for millennium, and try to bring this back to his point.  Explaining events usually worked so well to at least get a sigh of sympathy from her.  Although she had always reassured him that he was the reasonable one and reason factored into none of this, but there had to be a middle ground he could find here.  He had to make her see the truth, it would be the first step in helping him he hoped.  She loved him, she’d said it countless times, she must still. 

“Mother, please you must know me better than this.”

She leveled him with a hard stare.

"You said you wished to make him proud then I'm sure there has never been a prouder father than Laufey, for his son to turn out as monstrous as he despite all of our tireless efforts."

Strange, Loki thought as he stood there and begged his knees not to give out on him. That his captors had tried so many things to break him leaving his sanity held together by the thinnest of fraying threads.  Still he had held out enough to escape with minimal damage to himself and others, the core truth of his heritage, even with his memories in pieces, was still unknown.  An advantage in the inevitable battle to come.    

Those words though?  Coming from her that shattered him.  And through those shards he saw clearly for the first time.  Loki thought back to early in the days of his captivity when he’d called for them and no one came.  He’d thought perhaps the Black Order had managed to hide him.  They certainly were powerful and the universe was always murky outside the Nine.  He already knew that Heimdall had not said where he was, but Odin had Huginn and Muninn, his sight from the throne.  Frigga her scrying bowl and weaving said to give her insight beyond her own eyes, there would have been traces.  They would have found him, should have found him if they had cared enough to do so.  As Loki once more adjusted his reality to what it truly was and not what he thought a question he’d asked of Thor came back to him.        

“Did you mourn?”

No, no they hadn’t.

It was why Thor had brought the chains and muzzle he never wanted him to come home as he’d said.  Just pretty words meant to get him to cooperate.  He was a monster in all eyes including hers and always had been.  He had been taken from his people to see if he could be civilized, and then be sent back to his birth realm to do the same to them and failed.

“Those plans no longer matter.”

Indeed they did not and his didn’t either.  There was no more need to hope that he could fix this.  They would never listen, he could never erase so much red.  He had merely been a tool to them and now he was a broken useless tool.    

A strange look flittered across her face as Loki stepped back, shuttering his broken heart to her.

“Loki, do you truly feel nothing for the lives you took on Earth?”

Oh, All Mother, what is this new found love for humanity?

“I was merely speaking truth to the lie I‘d been told my whole life.  That I was born to be a king.”

He was a shapeshifter trying to be the Asgardian ideal he had molded himself into what he thought they wanted.  Clearly he’d played his part too well if a power hungry monster was all they thought they knew of him, but why should he try to be anything more?

“A king? A true king admits his faults.”

Then Odin is no king.

“Your father-”

“He’s not my father!”

You couldn’t claim a baby as a political tool and say they’re your son.  Thor was his son his first-born, only born, his golden light to all the realms and by the Norns they could have him and his oafish pathetic reign.

“Then am I not your mother?”

Ah, now there was a clear truth in this mess.

“You’re not.”

He reached out towards her then, a childish part of him wanting to be wrong, but his hand went through hers and her projection began to fade.

She smiled a bit at that. “Always so perceptive about everyone, but yourself.”

Who ensured that by lying to me about myself my whole life?

With the last of her magic gone Loki turned away and shut his eyes as they burned with unshed tears.  Even she couldn’t bear to truly be in his presence.

He eyed the food she had clearly insisted be brought to him.  All Loki wished to do in that moment was hurl it across his cell in a fit of spite, but practicality won out and with a wave of his hand to make the couch semi whole again he sat down and ate.

It was delicious. 

Each soft mouthful of bread brought out the feeling of being a child again in him and Loki recalled so many things so easily now.  Picnics in the mountains, trips to mother’s childhood home on Vanaheim.  He recalled soft hands on his fevered brow late into the night as she tended to him by his sickbed.  The tears he’d held back earlier started to fall and Loki let them come for there was no one to be strong for anymore.

The soup reminded him of early spring nights, when the storms would rage outside, and Odin sat with them by the fire and told stories of the war.  The sips of wine a reminder of his first ones in a toast to him as he joined Odin’s council when he had come of age and there was still hope of a bright future.  An eager Loki then that while he had been disappointed at not receiving a weapon of his own like Thor still believed he was going to have a place in his father’s kingdom and a chance to prove himself.

“You are our son, Loki, and we your family.  You must know this.”

It had all been a lie!

The cup slipped from his fingers the last of the wine spilling on the floor and as it did Loki let out a scream, then again and again giving the pain and anger somewhere to go.   Soon the table and cutlery floated around him and slammed into every surface.  The couch flew back to its customary spot, leaving a large dent in the bottom of the wall as it did so.  Loki continued the carnage until everything was in ruins and tatters just as he himself had been left and no one would ever care!

It was only later as he stood amongst the debris, some still floating through the air, breathing hard, that Loki realized the walls of his cell were clear now.

The other prisoners, and even some of the guards, looked at him in horror.

Good.

They would see his rage and nothing more.  It was what they expected anyways and it was the one thing he knew was his.

***

The next day, at least Loki assumed it was based on how the lights had dimmed in the corridors beyond their cells, several guards came for him.  The chains went back on, but thankfully the muzzle stayed off.

They walked the long empty halls of Valaskjalf, but it seemed all too soon they arrived at the throne room where Odin sat in judgement, his favourite position to speak from Loki was sure.  His queen stood next to the throne, but Loki did not speak to her, there was nothing left to say.  Thor was nowhere to be seen, but why should he be here?  The battle was over and the aftermath was someone else’s problem.  His problem as always.

The citizenry of Asgard lined the walls so Loki kept his back straight despite the pain and snapped his heels together like a good little solider.

“I really don’t see what all the fuss is about,” he declared with a chuckle, remembering the role they wished him to play.

“Do you truly not feel the gravity of your crimes?”

Do you?  Thor attacked a sovereign realm killing far more than I and was given the chance to change literally thrown at him, will you offer the same to me All Father?  Never.  Those were the actions of a boy his were the ones of a monster.

“Wherever you go there is war, ruin, and death.”

All things a proper warrior should want, but I’m not one and you always knew that.  Did it amuse you All Father to watch a frost giant struggle towards a goal you knew it would never reach?

“I went down to Midgard to rule the people as a benevolent god.  Just like you.”

He’d researched what Odin kept in his vault.  He knew those treasures weren’t gifts, but the other realm’s source of power that was taken just as with the Casket, all brought to heel for the so called peace. 

“All this because Loki desires a throne.”

No he just wished someone who took those oaths seriously to sit on it, but what he wanted didn’t matter and never had.

You promised me it Loki thought both of us were born to kings, why did you never truly consider me for it?  Because I was always meant to go somewhere else to cement your glorious empire, a pawn in someone else’s game twice over now.  He wasn’t about to make it three.

“It is my birthright!” He called out instead.  The one he was stolen from.  Who knows what he might have been if Odin hadn’t?   Everything else was a lie why shouldn’t that be too?  Who abandons infants in sacred places of worship anyway?

“There is always a purpose to everything your father does.”

Loki knew he had failed to fulfill his and was now merely an inconvenience.

“Your birthright was to die!  As a child cast out onto a frozen rock.  If I had not taken you in you would not be here now to hate me.”

So I should be grateful that you left me to the Mad Titan instead?  Is that why you didn’t come then even though my capture threatened Asgard security?  To show me I could have it worse so I would come home and be good?

He stepped forward even as the chains halted his movements. “If I am for the axe for mercy sakes just swing it!  Not that I don’t enjoy our conversations I just…” he took a deep breath, letting his mask slip slightly.  “I don’t enjoy them.”

“Frigga is the only reason you’re still alive and you will never see her again.”

It was no longer the threat Odin no doubt hoped it would be.

“You will spend the rest of your days in the dungeons.”

He sat back looking smug and Loki never broke eye contact until he was forced to turn around.

The walk back to the dungeons began and was much the same as the walk up until the silence was broken by the caw of a raven, they all looked up as the large black bird flew up the corridor.  She perched gently on his shoulder as they came to the stairs.  Loki flinched at the unexpected touch anyway.

“Loki.”

“Muninn? Why-why  can I hear you?”

“You legitimately sat upon the throne, whether others believed it or not, the connection persists.”

Loki had no response to that.

“You are hurt, my young princeling.”

“It does not matter, it never did.”

“The one who hurt you still lives and will not tolerate failure.”

Oh, Loki knew well of that as his back throbbed with every step down the seemingly endless staircase.

“What would you have me do?” 

“I am memory I will know.  I have the knowledge now that you are no longer shrouded from me.”

So she would know of the one who threatened every life in the universe.  Who brought death for half and tortured existence for those who would be left behind. 

A dark part of his heart wanted to just let it all burn, to hurt them as much as they had hurt him, but as he looked over to the guards at his sides, ones he remembered talking to over the years and knew had parents and children to support Loki was reminded that they were only doing their duty.

This had all started, because he wanted better for his people after all.

“If he ever asks.  Tell him for the good of the people.”

“This I pledge to you, Prince Loki.”

She flew off and Loki was led further away from light, warmth, and life.

***

They didn’t take him back to his cell instead they moved even deeper into the dungeons coming to a door even Loki had never seen before.   The heavy oak creaked opened to reveal a cave that looked as though it had been carved by nature herself with a large rock in the centre that the guards tied him to and then left him without a word.  The door closed with a heavy bang, but strangely Loki didn’t hear it lock.  Still he settled in with a chuckle as he realized that it was still technically a part of the dungeons so he supposed for once Odin hadn’t lied.

In a twisted way it was almost pleasant.  The rock kept his back at a decent angle.  The bonds that kept him to it were tight, but didn’t come with needles driving into his skin so it was tolerable.  And it was dark so his headache dulled to a more manageable throb.  There was a tiny pin prick of light no doubt meant to act as hope for the world the prisoner would never see again.  It was more than Loki had on Sanctuary though, in that endless black asteroid field, or the utter emptiness of the void.

Like in his cell though Loki had no concept of time, but he knew a not insignificant amount had passed as his stomach soon growled and twisted with hunger.  For not even the tray of meager sustenance was offered here.  Loki let out a soft laugh as he thought of the meal the queen had, had sent to him and knew fully that it wasn’t a peace offering at all.  It was his last meal and Loki was content with that knowledge.  Muninn was right Thanos would come and he could only wish to be beyond the black gate when it happened.  He didn’t want to fight anymore.

Loki tensed dispite himself as movement suddenly filled the cave. He heard a hiss and with the tiny sliver of light he could see scales slithering along the floor.

Very familiar scales.

No, no it couldn’t be.

But Loki could not deny the truth as the serpent coiled around the rock and settled above him.  His mouth opened wide just as it had when he begged for food, even back when he was small enough to wrap around Loki’s fingers.  His eyes were deep red and had the same clouded look Loki knew too well of others bent to another’s will.  Loki let out a strangled sob as the shattered pieces of his heart cracked even further.

“Oh, my son, no one else was supposed to be hurt.”

Line up the dominos

A light wind blows

You try to stop it toppling

But on and on it goes…

Chapter Text

Loki screamed and arched off the rock as another drop of venom fell.  The ropes dug into his wrists, his ankles, and everywhere else that he had been tied down.  The healing on his back slowing being undone with each round, slamming back into the rock as the pain ebbed and flowed.  His magic unraveled around the still healing nerves and tissue, spread thin trying to heal so much at once, and since it hadn’t fully recovered either, it wasn’t long before Loki could feel nothing from the waist down.    

Ironically that just made everything from the waist up hurt more.  Unable to push away as much as before Loki was helpless, so the venom had longer to sit on his skin, to run down his face like rivers of acid, burning and then breaking open the skin.  As the skin broke open the venom could reach his bloodstream and caused further the paralysis as it was a combination of neurotoxic and hemotoxic elements, rare even for Midgardian species that were so diverse from Asgard’s snakes.  Loki had been so proud of his son.   

The further tragedy of all this was that the venom was mixed with tears.  He knew his son was fighting, but it wasn’t enough.  That diluted the venom, but the potency was still enough to cause significant damage. And the salt from his tears only made the pain worse, an endless cycle of agony even for Loki who knew pain to be a constant companion.

With the ever growing amount of open wounds slowly came infection as well and that brought with it a fever that burned over his skin leaving him babbling what was surly utter nonsense from his dry tongue and cracked lips.  Then there were the occasional muscle spasms as his magic tried to do something, anything to help, but his again pounding head and stomach growling and twisting with nausea spoke to the lack of nourishment to replenish it, which only meant it had to try and pull nutrients from those same muscles instead and his seidr had already been drained so much from his time with the Black Order.  It all built up on itself and it seemed Loki would be driven to madness sooner than he’d thought in a rare moment of lucidity.  Between the pain and the anxiety of when the next wave of pain would come.

The cycle seemed truly endless as Loki lost all connection to when and where he was, until all at once mercy was at hand.  A cool touch reached him and through with what was left of his blurring vision Loki could just make out the hands on his face.  One hand was dark and the other light as snow.

“Hela.”

Loki spoke his daughter’s name softly in relief.

It was over.

With that Loki gave up his last ties to consciousness and slumped down, only the shallow rise of his chest showed that he was still in the realm of the living if only just.

“Mother!”

Hela pressed her hand to her chest to feel that movement.  Her own abilities made it unnecessary, but it was still a comfort.  Then she focused trying to draw things back into alignment, to help her mother’s healing.  She quickly found her magical core, or at least what was left of it.  A once vibrant, bright beacon in Hela’s own training was now ashen grey and dimmed to practically nothing.  Its connection to everything else mangled and possibly broken beyond repair.  It was a wonder mother had even made it this far.

Moving away from that depressing sight she explored the spell placed on the chamber and discovered it needed someone of royal status to break it.  Hela smirked. “Oh, you live to regret the role you bestowed on me, All Father.”

Carefully she wrapped her hands around the bonds, both physical and ethereal, and pulled hard.  Her magic pulsed over the room, the bonds holding Loki dissolved, and Jormungandr shook his head and his eyes cleared.

The snake shifted and in a moment a young man stood where they had been, looking no more than sixteen in Midgardian years.

“Sister, what…what have I done?”

“Nothing you would do in your proper state of mind, Jormungandr,” she insisted, as she held their mother up awkwardly off the floor. 

Jormungandr, breathing hard, managed to cast a levitation spell to keep her prone and level.

“Mother…”

He wanted to touch her, to help more, before pulling back afraid of causing further harm.

“Will, she be all right?” he asked.

Hela could not say for being on the precipice was what had called her to their mother in the first place.

“If we can get her to help,” she answered instead.

“Where?  Asgard put her here!”

Hela thought about that for a moment as Jormungandr forced himself to move closer to mother, to control the spell better and help keep her steady.  Wincing as the blood hovered in tiny droplets around her, suspended in the air as the wounds, wounds he had caused, weren’t closing.

“Alfheim,” Hela declared, “they have better facilities for the care of seidr in any case and she needs that too.”

Jormungandr cast his eyes to the ceiling knowing the All Father would not take kindly to having his punishment ended early.

“You get us there, Jormungandr, I’ll make sure we stay hidden.”

He remained stiff, paralyzed with uncertainty.  Hela reached out put her hand on his arm and squeezed gently.

“I trust you, brother.”

Jormungandr knew he must do so for all their sakes and so he gave her a reluctant nod.  He was her big brother it was his job to protect her.  So slowly, his hands shaking with anxiety, he changed back to his birth form, but to his great relief his mind remained his own and so he quickly gathered up their mother in his coils, keeping her stable without the spell. Hela wrapped her arms around her brother’s neck, her face tight in concentration.  Moving silently through the unlocked door the torches along the hall responded, lighting up the edges of the hall and that light allowed the realm to show him the threads that connected it to all the others.  After a moment the connection was forged and Jormungandr slithered over the branches of Yggdrasil, Loki still tight in his coils.

***

The paths between worlds were almost never perfect and Alfheim was notorious for shrouding itself from intrusion.  Couple that with the high stress and emotion and the path to safety was anything but a straight line, and so it ended with a giant snake and the queen of Helheim appearing in the middle of a plaza to the shock of early afternoon shoppers.  Many gasped and began backing away.   Jormungandr instinctively pulled into himself to protect his body and their mother’s too.

Hela looked around for aid in the sea of faces and smiled as she recognized one of them.  Even though the realm was notoriously insular they still held events occasionally for the others.  She still knew a friend mother had visited once during one of those events when she was very young, Hamir.

“Please we seek a healer,” she implored them.

Hamir stepped back, schooling their face into a mask of professionalism.

“We do not simply see anyone who asks.  Certainly not like this.  We have proper protocols unless it is a matter of life and death.”

“Then you will be happy to know it is,” Jormungandr said, moving the lower part of his body closer and relaxed the ball of muscle to reveal their would-be patient.

“Loki?”

Hamir frowned at the state of their old friend and scanned him, a pulse of colours ran over his body and then Hamir flinched back in shock.

“By all the Nine!”

“What?  What is wrong with him?” another asked, coming up beside them.

“Everything!  Everything is wrong!”

With a wave of their hand they called over the nearest guard.

“Get him to the central healing chambers and anyone who can be spared there to give aid.”

“Umm..” the guard hesitated, because she knew the last three days and the coming six were centered on a conference of visiting students that were not yet certified in the healing arts, and many of the elder healers split amongst different provinces of the realm with the events going on.

 “I don’t care if there are only students available!  We need all the hands we have and if he survives this he will be a case study in recovery.  Get them there and call the elders back as quickly as possible.”

The crowd that had begun to gather moved to do as they said.  Jormungandr shifting once again to allow them room to work.

“And someone find Princess Sigyn!”

***

They were made to wait outside in the ante chamber despite their protests.  To watch helplessly as others scurried in and out with bandages, books, and all manner of coloured bottles.  When the doors to the healing room opened they could hear mother begging them to stop, pleading for her own mother, and rather they hadn’t. 

They escaped into the hallway beyond, but still had nothing to do, but wait and worry as the suns made their way from the high point of noon to the ebbs of the late evening.  He and Hela paced through the long halls, stopping only once as food was basically shoved at them by a haggard looking Hamir saying that Loki would kill them if they allowed his children to take ill as well.  They asked if there was any news, but Hamir just shook their head and went back inside.

As they ate one of them asked if Sigyn had come, but neither one could quite recall in all the activity, and another’s arrival soon pushed that from their minds.  The doors at the end of the hall banging open and wide brown eyes searching the room.

“Brother, what has happened?” he asked when he spotted them.

With one arm Jormungandr pulled him into a hug and with the other shoved an apple into his hand.

“Eat and we will talk there is nothing else to do at present, Sleipnir.”   

Sleipnir had eagerly come at his twin brother’s request having already been content to leave the royal stables empty and run off to the outer villages in the mountains, and then fled Asgard entirely once word of what had truly happened to mother reached him.  He was late, having to go through the proper channels to be allowed entry, but he was here now and that was what mattered.  

Together the trio finished the food as Jormungandr and Hela explained as best as they could what was going on.  They knew of the botched coronation and mother being lost to the Void.  Hela had assured them then that she still lived, but all their searching had yielded nothing.  Jormungandr knew something of mother’s attack on Earth, but no specific details, as news didn’t travel very quickly to the middle of the ocean where he had been helping with plastic fishing nets and oil spills.  He knew New York had been the focal point, but that made no sense as a military target.  Nor why she would attack a realm her son was protecting and had spoken fondly of over the years.  

Sleipnir supplemented with some of what he had heard upon her return.  Thor had been sent off almost immediately to aid the other realms, after mother had been taken to the dungeons the first time or so the stable hands had said.    

“He did not return for the trial?” Hela asked.  She knew how lengthy they could be surely they had waited until the Bifrost was finished so character witnesses could be brought forth.

“There was no trial.”

He then told them how he had left a duplicate in the stables and took the form of a magpie, and had watched from the rafters.  He had missed some of what was said, too intent on just being able to look at their mother again, but he hadn’t missed how she had practically begged for the axe.  How lost her mind must have been to not even ask to see them before the end.

Nor had he missed what Odin held yelled before that.

“Your birthright was to die!  As a child cast out on a frozen rock!”

His sibling’s faces showed the same shock he had felt in that moment and as Muninn had flown after their mother he had fled the hall terrified Odin would know he had come.  Then taking his birth form he had run as far and as his fast as he could.  Once he stopped he’d been forced to focus on what had been said for those words had given way to all kinds of rumours that quickly spread to the farthest corners of the realm that he had gone to.  Rumours that the second prince wasn’t Odin’s son, but how could that be?  Why would that be?

Jormungandr couldn’t help but wonder if it was true though and that was there was no leniency as there had been for Thor after his attack on Jotunheim, for he knew about New Mexico.  There weren’t going to be any proper answers to that or any of their other questions though, as the doors to mother remained firmly shut. So they resumed the pacing of the floor in the halls outside the chamber.   The moons made their way through the sky next, reflecting on the polished marble floors.  Jormungandr stared at them through the windows growing increasingly restless.  He needed to be useful, needed to fix things, because she was only in there because of him, and mother needed all the support she could get.  His twin was here Hela deserved hers as well.

He might fail he knew that, they had all seen where he was exiled too and how.  Still…he ran his tongue over his fangs as an idea came to him.  They had sampled his venom, his antibodies were unique.   He’d never considered it before, but perhaps…decision made he pulled back his shoulders in determination and made for the doors.  They had nothing to lose at this point.

“Where are you going!?” Sleipnir called to his retreating back.

“To get Fenrir!”

***

The sky was soft purple as the dawn approached and Fenrir gave one last howl at the waning moon.  He hopped down from his perch and the chains rattled, but held firm and the tree gave way as it always did, sending birds to the air.  He remembered he once thought it a fun game.  Scaring the birds with a laugh as he broke his chains and returned to Asgard in triumph to show how strong he was, how good he was at tracking.  What a great defender of the kingdom he would be when he grew up. 

He wasn’t laughing anymore.

He licked his lips and looked at the river.  The rains had not come as heavy as they had the year before and he was thirsty.  He strained to reach anyway and whimpered as the chains were so tight now.  Giving up he flopped down his gaze returning to the river down at the bottom of the hill.  He had watched as a pair of swans had raised a family there.  Even taking in a lost cygnet that had wandered in after being rejected from another nest, and he missed them.  It made him miss his own family even more for even mother had not visited in so long.

It seemed the Norns answered his wish though as there was rustling below and Fenrir looked down the other side of hill to see a snake approaching. His body seemed to cover every inch of grass on the way up the hill and Fenrir wondered in awe if he would grow as big as his older brother.

“Jormungandr!”

“Hello, Fenrir, it’s been too long.”

“Yes, brother, I’ve missed you.”

He nuzzled him as Jormungandr’s coils came around him gently.

“I’ve missed you too, hold still.”

Fenrir did as his brother gathered up as much of the chains as he could in his mouth and bit down hard allowing venom to run along on the links.

“Hopefully that can do something good for once.” he mumbled, and kept going.

At first it seemed nothing was happening at usual, but slowly the links melted and warped.

“It’s working!”

He grabbed the chains where they connected near his chest and looped them as best he could around the tree’s thickest branch and pulled them taut.

“Pull!” he called to his brother.

They did and for once the tree was holding steady the chains bending around the large limbs.

“Keep going!” Jormungandr shouted, now coiling his body around the chains to pull harder.

Fenrir nodded, his jaws giving one last ferocious tug and the chains snapped.  The momentum of the sudden slack sending him backwards, he tripped over his body, and down the hill, landing hard, his paws in the air.  He stayed there taking in the sound of rushing water, and the cool sensation against his fur, the river he could reach the river!

“Brother!  Are you hurt!?” Jormungandr called out, before shifting and rushing down the hill after him.

Panting and rubbing his jaw he came to the shore to see Fenrir splashing around in the water.

“You did it!” he cried out, his tail wagging fiercely, and sending droplets of water everywhere.

Jormungandr smiled, and wiped tears from his eyes at seeing his brother free once more.

“So I did.  Do you think you can shift?  You were getting good last time we trained.”

Shaking himself off Fenrir returned to the shore.  It was true he was getting good.  The last time he had managed a magpie and he and mother went flying together, but never a form like the one mother spent the most time as.  And with chains restricting his seidr for so long it would be difficult.

“I can try.”

“That’s all I ask.  Here, I’ll help you.”

Fenrir lowered his head as Jormungandr put his hands on either side of it and focused.  He pulled his seidr in tight, smiled as it responded and was wrapped around him like a warm fresh blanket.

“That’s it, now think about how I can move.  How my body glides through the water and air for all is connected.”

Yes, Fenrir thought just like the branches of Yggdrasil connected all the realms so life too was connected.  Different on the outside, but they all had the same spark on the inside.  His listened to the lap of the water and worked to flow just as it did.  Rivers and lakes and oceans some bigger some smaller, but all the same for they all flowed into each other.

He felt the change as it happened, the ripple as his shape shifted from the inside out, and this time he felt…different.  He slowly opened his eyes and saw hands now griping his brother’s arms.

He stumbled back, not used to only two legs, turned around and looked down to see his reflection.

He still had blue eyes, but now a thick mop of curly brown hair fell around them.  His skin was not as dark as his sister’s left side, and it was dotted with darker spots on his nose and cheeks.  It made him cute he supposed, grandmother always like that word with him.  It matched with his rather rounded face, a contrast to the sharp angles of his older brother’s as Jormungandr was now leaning over him and he was smiling too.

Fenrir laughed, cupped his hands together, and lit off a great display of fireworks in them in joy.

“Congratulations, little brother.”

He hugged Fenrir hard and then Jormungandr pressed a hand to his back and let an icy chill cool the red skin around his brother’s neck and wrists.

“Thank you, for…for all of this.”

“It was the least I could do.”

“But, why now?” Fenrir asked.

“Because we need all of us together.  Mother needs us.”

Chapter Text

The return to reality occurred slowly and as it did Loki gently shifted his head, found it free of pain, and his body free of the relentless nausea.  He also found the world was soft, warm, and blissfully dark.

It left him very confused.

“Is this, Hel?  Am I dead?” he asked.

“No, though you did manage to make it more than half way there.”

He knew that voice.

“Sigyn.”

Loki tried to get up, only to be stopped as her hand pressed down lightly on his chest.

“You need to stay down and rest, my love, you have a long recovery ahead of you.”

Perhaps it was because his other senses were already trying to make up for his lack of sight, but it seemed she was shifting rather awkwardly back off the bed.

“And yet it seems you are the one who is unsteady.”

She gave a soft laugh and Loki’s heart ached for how much he’d missed it.

“Always so observant, it is a consequence of my own condition.”

“Condition?”

“No worrying yourself, Loki, I bring glad tidings.”

She guided his hand so it was flush against her round belly and Loki could feel the fluttering of movement beneath his fingers.

“Sigyn…”

“I had planned to meet and tell you after the coronation, but well…”

She covered his hand with both of hers as they continued to kick hard.

“They are very active today.  They want to meet you.”

“They?”

“Yes, I’m continuing your tradition of twins.”

Loki pulled a face, even with the skin tight against the bandages that covered his eyes.

“Then I am sorry, they shall have such a disgrace for a father.”

Sigyn merely leaned over again and kissed him.

“They are going to have a wonderful father who is healthy and whole.  Just as their siblings have a wonderful mother.”

Oh, yes wonderful indeed.  He couldn’t protect them or give them half of what they deserved even as a prince in name only.  Now with even that stripped away, what did he have to offer them?  Perhaps it would be more merciful to change their last names and sever official ties.  The self-loathing was halted abruptly as he stilled and reality hit him again, Jormungandr! If he was here where was his son!?   And Hela!  Fenrir was at anyone’s mercy, and Sleipnir was still in Asgard! What would Odin do to them!? “The children!  Where are they!?”

Keeping a calm hand on his shoulder Sigyn adjusted the bed so he could sit up fully.

“Calm yourself, Loki, they are safe, if you would wait, but one moment.”

She moved away from the bed to presumably the door.

“I told you he would want to see you, as it were, now come in.”

There was noise as others came into the room and he could hear the shifting of cloth as they gathered around his bed.

“Mother,” Hela said, her hand brushing against his.

“Hela…thank you.”

"I didn't do anything..." she stopped as Loki’s fingers grasped hers.

"You did and I am grateful."

A larger rougher hand suddenly covered his.

“It is good to see you awake, mother.”

“Sleipnir.”

"Yes, it has been too long I...I watched your sentencing."

Loki gripped his son’s hand with his other.

"Did the All Father come to you after? Or send the guards?"

“No one did anything I left of my own accord.  And I was right to do so it allowed us to bring others to you."

He and Hela stepped back and another moved forward, practically radiating excitement.

"Hi, mother, did you miss me?"

He didn’t recognize that voice immediately because no it could not be.

“Fenrir? You broke the chains, you’re free?”

“Yeah, you don’t have to visit anymore!”

Loki reached out carefully, fingers trembling, and his hand met not soft fur, but warm flesh and he began running his fingers through thick ringlets of hair.

“Oh, Fenrir, you have shifted, congratulations. I am sorry I was not the one to help you do either as I promised.”

Loki felt his throat constrict with emotion.  He had clearly missed so much and his heart ached to see them all fully.

“It’s all right they told me why you couldn’t come and Jormungandr freed me!”

Jormungandr glared and shoved his brother.

“Shut up,” he hissed.

“What?’’ Fenrir asked, confused. “You did.”

“Jormungandr.”

He stiffened at his name.

“Come here.”

Sleipnir squeezed his arm in reassurance, but Jormungandr was still trying to hold back his tears as he slowly stepped forward, his mind once again going over what he’d planned to say.

“Mother, you have my deepest apologies.  I did not mean to do this and-and I know that, that does not make up for what I did and that you will not forgive me, but I-”

He was cut off as Loki grabbed his shirt, yanked him forward, and hugged him as hard as he could.

Jormungandr just stayed frozen awkwardly in the embrace, the rest of his speech forgotten.  Then when he realized she wasn’t letting go and the tears only fell faster.

“I’m so sorry!”

Loki, ignoring the feeling of pins and needles shooting everywhere, merely shifted as best he could so they were both on the bed and held his son close.  Jormungandr curled against her, burying his face in the crook of her neck as he wept.

“You need not apologize, my son, for actions that were not truly yours.”

“How can you say that?!  Look what I’ve done to you!”

Loki just held him tight in his arms as he sobbed.  He whispered to his son that he understood, that he still loved him, everything he had wanted and knew Jormungandr needed.  His presence, his love, his forgiveness.

They were interrupted as someone rushed into the room and stopped short.

“Oh, oh I see. I was worried.”

“Hamir?”

“Wonderful to have you awake, Loki, but having people so close is distorting your vital readings.”

Jormungandr hastily stood up, but Loki kept a hand on his arm.

“I don’t care.  I’m not making them leave.”

There was a huff from his old friend.

“We will have to do more regular checks in that case.”

“Do as you wish, but he stays-they all stay.”

Hamir knew better than to think they would win this battle.  Loki was too stubborn for his own good. “As you wish.”

He did wish.  He had already lost all he had ever known and now he wanted what was left of his family with him. They had been torn from him before piece by piece for that fantasy of being a worthy son.  For the best Odin had said.

Liar.

Never again.

Hamir could see the determination in his friend's face even half obscured as it was.  Their eyes flicked over to Loki's children as they made sure nothing was actually off in the readings.  The Norns knew how long it had taken them to get him stable.  And through it all those four had remained waiting anxiously, just to get into this room, without being thrown out again by the medical team rushing in to deal with fevered nightmares. 

Hamir and their partner had just started thinking of starting a family of their own and it was a stark reminder of just how very young they all were.  They sighed and stepped back to allow the children room for their mischievous friend was right they would stay, it would be vital to his recovery.

“All right go on.”

They turned to Sigyn handing over a folder of instructions to go with the collection of bottles and creams already on the bedside table.

“I’ll watch them,” she said, accepting the folder and the duty she knew came with it.  Loki was her love she would nurse them in all the ways that she could until her own labour came.

“I know you will.  And I will make sure a meal is brought shortly.”

With one last look they went to the door and let them be.

As the door clicked shut his children joined him on the bed and Loki hugged them tightly.

Never again Loki vowed.  He would never leave them again.

***

Loki sat on the edge of the bed. He had managed to move there himself and he was going to savoir small victories.  They had already said no standing or walking yet until they could determine his fine motor control.

Several others milled about the room preparing to remove the bandages that covered his eyes. He was only focused on Sigyn though.

“I will have a sight for you when they are removed, Loki,” she said, taking his hand.

Loki took her other hand in his lap.

“Will you be all right?” he asked, concern radiating from every word.

“Of course trillions of beings across the universe have been having babies long before us.”

“Myself included and I can assure you it is not a comfortable experience.  I am already bed bound they can easily move me.”

“You know the rules as well as I, my love.”

Loki smirked shifting their body just a hair to allow a fuller chest and softer lips.

“Easily rectified,” she countered.

“Cheeky.”

Sigyn gasped as the pain returned Loki pressed their foreheads together and matched her breathing from memory alone. She relaxed as the contraction slowly passed.  Loki however remained tense. 

“If you need me-”

“I will send for you.”

An aide came in for her then and with one last squeeze of her hand Sigyn went to the birthing halls and Loki was left to focus on herself.

“We’re ready, are you Loki?”

She gave a stiff nod.

“Try to relax.”

She couldn't, she only tensed as the bandages were slowly removed, balling up the sheets in her fists.  For unlike the times when Sigyn would apply cream to her skin and then reapply the gauze this time everything was coming off and it terrified her.  They were doing their best she knew that, but she also knew permanent injuries were possible. She’d grown up with a king that only had one eye left after all.

“Dim the lights more.” Hamir said, as they took away the last layer.

All at once the world flooded back, Loki could make out shapes and colour, but no fine detail as her eyes began to water terribly.

“It is normal, Prince Loki,” one of the aides said. “Your eyes will be quite sensitive for a while yet.  We have eye wear that will help, especially outside.” 

She nodded. “Thank you, and please just Loki.”

“As you wish.”

They applied a few eye drops that helped with the tears and her vision cleared a little more.  Then they ran several tests for determining colours and detail.  It all seemed to be going well, but she noticed Hamir was still giving her an odd look.

“There is something else, what?” Loki asked.

“An unexpected complication I do not know if it will be permanent.”

“Let me see.”

Hamir reluctantly handed her a mirror.

Loki pulled it close to her face, expecting to see gnarled scars, or half her nose gone, but no the skin was red, but clearly healing it was the eyes themselves that had changed.  For once there had been bright blue irises, brilliant green now reflected back to her.

Her reflection gave her a soft smile.

“It always was my favourite colour.”

***

“She just wants to see me?” Jormungandr asked.

They had all waited nervously for the removal procedure to be finished.  They hadn’t asked about Sigyn they knew better, the bond forming in that hall was sacred and not to be interrupted.  For mother though there had already been so much upheaval that they had clustered in the ante chamber in anticipation.  Small snacks were still in their hands having abandoned an attempt at lunch early, why would she only want him?

The aide nodded. “Her exact words were: I want him alone for this.”

"A-all right."

Jormungandr went into the familiar healing room and found mother sitting on the side of the bed, the curtains drawn against the fading sunlight.  He approached slowly and Loki smiled at being able to see him properly.  Her boys were getting tall.  Though that in turn allowed her son to see the permanent mark that had been left from everything.

“I didn’t want to spring this on you with others in the room.”

Her son gagged and fell to his knees. Loki gently put her hands on his shoulders.

“Breathe for me, my son, slowly.”

She counted silently as the breathed in tandem and the tension in his shoulders eased slightly.

“Jor-”

“How can you even speak to me!?  Let alone forgive me?”

“Because I know that apart from wishing it had never happened at all that what you need right now is someone to support you.”

She looped her arms under his shoulders and got him up, and he slowly moved to sit on the bed as well and slumped against her.

“I think I’d feel better if you were mad at me.”

“How can I be, my son?  It wasn’t an accident that I was there it was my sentence for the attack of Midgard.  If I had never done that, Jormungandr, he would have never needed you to hurt me.”

“No, mother, please you mustn’t blame yourself.  I know you were forced to do that.”

“And so were you.  If I can’t then you can’t, my son.”

He sighed and wiped at his eyes.

“I wish it were so simple.”

“So do I.”

There was silence for a moment, but it was a warm silence that reminded Jormungandr of when they would read together on lazy summer afternoons.  He looked over to her and smiled.

“It’s still the same look.”

“What is?” Loki asked, slightly confused.

“The look that says you love me.”

Loki smiled too, brushing his hair back from his face.

“Jormungandr, no matter what happens please know that I will always love you, and if your siblings would kindly stop listening at the window I will share the same sentiment with them.”

She turned her gaze to the window as three sparrows sheepishly hopped out from behind the curtains and fluttered to the floor.

“Come here and let me look at you properly.”

They shifted back, allowing her to see that Sleipnir was still keeping his hair long past his shoulders while Hela had hers short now just to the nape of neck.  Black and blonde still weaved across each other in that subtle way she liked in sharp contrast to how her skin split clean down the middle.  Fenrir in contrast to his birth form was the smallest of them now.  His face dotted with freckles and his eyes bright with the colour that had once been hers.  They were so perfect though and always had been.

“We’ve missed you, mother,” Sleipnir said, pressing his forehead to hers and a hand to the back of her neck.

“I’ve missed you all too.”

“Your eyes are pretty I like them.”

“Thank you, Fenrir.”

“Maybe even pretty than Hela’s.”

Violet eyes flashed at him with that declaration.

“Ah, well let’s not go that far shall we?” Loki countered not wanting petty fighting to spoil this.

Sleipnir sat down on Loki’s other side as Hela and Fenrir stood in front her and she recognized the desire to understand in their eyes even with Fenrir’s form being new to her.

“I know that look you two, you know you may ask me questions I will always do my best to answer them.”

They nodded.

“We-”

They stumbled over each other, but Fenrir motioned for Hela to speak first.

“Mother, about everything I want to-to say that I…” she trailed off, twisting the hem of her shirt in fingers.

“You want to know what happened,” Loki prompted, she was glad someone did.

“No, no I know what happened, sort of. Of the one who sent you to Midgard. I-I didn’t think it meant anything before and I think that means it’s my fault,” she brushed her hair behind her ears. “If I keep it short he can’t touch it.” she said, seemingly more to herself than any of them.

Loki frowned not liking what she was hearing.  No one but her should have knowledge of the Titan, certainly not personal knowledge. 

“Hela?”

Her daughter shook her head, her eyes wet, and hugged her tightly.

“Later, please,” she whispered. “I thought I was ready, but I’m not.”

“All right.”

Loki kept her on her lap, promising herself to be patient, and nodded for Fenrir to continue instead.

“I guess I just want to understand why they did what they did after.  I mean you attacked another realm sure, but so did uncle Thor and he was banished for it, that’s how things work we know that.”

Jormungandr snorted “Yeah it’s kind of the All Father’s go to.” 

Fenrir smiled. “Right you’re supposed to learn a lesson and come back, but this didn’t allow you to do that,” he frowned. “So-so why did he do it?”

Loki closed her eyes for a moment unsure of how to begin untangling this mess for them.

“I heard what was said, everyone did.  Of a child cast out on a frozen rock.  Not the way you speak about a child your queen should have given you.   There were rumours you were taken from Jotunheim,” Sleipnir supplied softly, wanting so much to be wrong.  To hear that there was some proper explanation for all this.

Loki sighed so everyone knew now, of the monster that lived beneath her skin, and she had lied to her children through ignorance.

“It is, it is all true, my children. I am…Laufeyson.  I discovered it after Thor’s banishment.  I was taken at the end of the war along with the casket.  Odin wished a permanent peace through me.  That’s why my punishment was different the All Father need not protect that which is not his.”

Stunned silence followed those words and as it did all Loki wanted was for the bandages to be back on so  she did not have to witness the shock and disbelief that crossed their faces as all they thought they knew was ripped away.  Thinking you were one thing only to learn it was all a fiction.  Now like Odin she could not protect them from the truth.

“So that’s why they never accepted us, we were all just pawns.” Hela declared.

“Only around so long as…as we were useful to him,” Sleipnir concluded, his voice hollow as he leaned against her shoulder and tried not to cry. 

“What are we going to do now?” he asked eventually.

“Survive,” Loki answered firmly.  “It’s what we do.”

The four of them looked at her confused and she moved back on the bed to allow them all to sit down and be closer to her.

“My children, I was content to be on that rock because I believed I had no future.”

Heads turned as they heard a baby’s cries out in the ante chamber and a knock on the door.

“And clearly there is going to be one, for all of us.”

Chapter Text

Loki blinked her eyes open as a wail, and then another, broke the quiet of the warm summer evening.

“I’ve got them,” she said, pressing a kiss to Sigyn’s temple.

With a yawn she got up and went to the nursery, pausing at the bedroom door for the intricately carved cane that rested there.  She hesitated, but in the end took it with her it just in case.  She found herself using it less and less now, but caution was still good practice.

Loki let her mind wander as her body moved in the familiar path to the new twins, identical as far as they could tell, that they had named Nari and Vali.  Her hand began absently rubbing at the fresh tattoos below her collar bone that went up over her shoulders before twisting around her back in a full circle.  A symbol of their union done after the wedding as was tradition. It had been a small ceremony, although Hamir had dragged every one of their former classmates they could find to it.  It was still bereft of the fan-fare that would have accompanied a prince’s nuptials.  While Sigyn was royalty in her own right inheritance worked differently in Alfheim compared to Asgard and there were seven of them after all.  The lack of size suited them both in the end though as gawking was not something either of them wished for extended periods. 

It had still stung that the ones she would once have wished to stand with her on the start of this new journey were not there.  However, her children were and looking wonderful and happy and at least she and Sigyn both got to wear a dress.  Loki found her female form comfortable after so long and it helped Sigyn to have another to feed the twins.  Like her other children the boys were ravenous and grew quickly.  Truth be told the babes were needy, what she believed the mortals referred to as Velcro, and that was good.  It gave Loki routine and something to focus on besides herself.  There were always tasks to do: feeding, changing, cuddles, singing lullabies; small and simple in many ways.  Something she hadn’t had the luxury of with the older children.  By nature of their birth forms Sleipnir and Jormungandr had been largely independent right from the off.  Hela and Fenrir on the other hand had been born early and Hela at least had spent much of those early days in the care of Lady Eir.  They had run endless tests, monitoring her heartrate and breathing, talking endlessly about tone and reflexes.

Loki had been left with anxiety, pain, and Fenrir who whimpered, barely nursed, and refused to gain weight. Only when they had at last been allowed to visit Hela in the healing cradle, where she curled up against her brother and ceased shivering.  While Fenrir was silently content at her side and at last took a full bottle.   Loki knew then that he needed his litter mate and his sister hers and stonewalled all attempts to leave either of them alone from that point forward.

There had been no one else to advocate for them as her family had been away on royal business, she had been left behind to avoid the embarrassment.  Odin had not said as much, but he hadn’t needed to everything leading up to the birth and the events of the conception for that matter, had been confirmation enough.    

Looking back on it now Loki supposed she must have seemed quite mad by the time they had returned.  Having yelled at every healer repeatedly during her labour and afterwards, escaped the healing halls at the first opportunity, and locked herself and the children in their chambers just to have peace and everyone together if only for a short while.  She had done that this time as well in a kind of self-imposed house arrest.  Heimdall would not find her Sigyn had assured her of that and the children had been more than happy to supplement the protection spells.  She was still an escaped prisoner though by Asgard’s judgement and defying the All Father was not something one wanted over their heads regardless of the diplomatic loopholes that would be brought in from her marriage.

However as the days and then weeks  continued on and it became clear no one from Asgard or otherwise was coming for her Loki relaxed and began to travel around the towns, as Alfheim was far more spread out than Asgard.  She and Fenrir often walked together through the nearby villages that connected to the city proper through a series of rail and cable car systems.  Fenrir no longer liked to spend time in the woods and Loki couldn’t blame him.  She too had found her habits shifting after the isolation of the dungeons and Sanctuary.  Hours of solitude once spent in the great libraries were now spent in restaurants, cafes, and theatres just to have people around her.

On one such occasion a group of Jotuns were seated at a table at the back of a café.  Loki was grateful for the glasses covering her eyes, because she stood there staring at them sitting there with mugs and sharing a meat pastry, and one of them might have even been shorter than her!  Sigyn had thankfully got their order to go and dragged her gapping wife away before they were spotted.  She explained to Loki about the Jotnar communities that lived in the upper regions having immigrated to Alfheim before the war, disagreeing with Laufey’s ideas and ambitions.  As if it was normal.  As if they were people with a history and culture.  Not just an enemy that lived in the dark and her nightmares.  The encounter sent her mind thinking, a dangerous past time indeed.

She stepped into the nursery to find Hela already there getting a bottle from the warming cabinet.

“Hela, you know you don’t have to do this.”

“I know, but I want to.”

Loki accepted that, letting her hold Nari as she took Vali to the other chair and gently rocked them, opening the top of her nightgown to allow him to nurse.

“How are you feeling?” Hela asked after some time.

“Very tired of people asking me that, my daughter.”

She smirked. “So good then.”

“Indeed, if sleep deprived.”

“It’s just that you’re quiet tonight you usually sing to them.”

Loki nodded Hela always had been perceptive.

“I’ve been thinking recently of what came before this and what it means for the future.   I can’t avoid it forever pretending that the rest of the universe doesn’t exist beyond the nursery walls.”

“You aren’t in this alone, mother.  You talked a lot in your fever.  They have a good idea of what’s going on, but if you think of anything: names, locations, and want to talk about it or write it down.  I’m sure they wouldn’t mind.”

She’d wanted to once and now that she could it just felt surreal.  To even consider bring that horror into this soft safe world, but then again it was already here wasn’t it?

“You seem oddly…detached from all this,” Loki said.

Hela shrugged. “It helps me process to keep things more clinical I suppose.  Gives things more distance and you aren’t the only one he hurt.”

It was only her holding Vali that kept Loki from yelling and shattering every fragile thing in the room in a sea of green as she had when she’d first learned of the gestures the Titan had made. 

It had been a training day.  Once she had been deemed well enough to leave the healing chambers Loki had been set up with Alfheim’s masters just as she had in her youth.  It was to help realign her magical core with the universe again essentially.  It was utterly embarrassing frankly to have regressed to such a point where she was relearning everything over again.  The children agreed to train with her and it helped, but that day had been challenging as the cup she was to move defiantly stayed in its place in the centre of the chalk circle on the floor.  Movements and spells that had once been second nature were now being regained inch by inch.  Furthermore it brought back memories of doing this with mother. Her laugher, smiles of pride, and sweet scent of her perfume.  The flowers in the garden where they had trained for so long together before Loki had joined others on Alfheim to train further.  The loss was aching, but Loki also found herself wanting to hold on to those memories too.  To recall every scent, every word, everything she could to be assured that they were real.

Loki wanted to cry from the frustration of it all, but the sob that rippled through the room wasn’t hers.

“It’s my fault,” was the soft whisper that accompanied it, and Loki looked up into the tear stained face of her daughter.

“Hela?”

“Everything that happened to you it-It’s all my fault!”

She threw herself into her mother’s arms muttering in between sobs of what had happened.  Nothing physical thank the Norns, but gifts of intent, the dead sent with notes, poetry of raven black hair like rivers of blood.  Petals of poppies and lilies to be weaved through those long lengths when they could be together. Bodies arranged in a declaration of a promise, a grand future for a grateful universe all of it clearly a calling of…courtship.

Green pulsed through the room and anything that wasn’t nailed down flew against the walls.  Broken pieces suspended in midair for an instant before being slammed into the floor by her brother’s.  The place thrummed with power fuelled by raw rage.    

The masters had not been pleased.  Weapons training had been insisted upon instead and there had a lot of broken equipment left in their wake.

“Hela, he will never touch you.”

“I don’t just mean Thanos.”

Loki was silent not expecting that at all.  She knew the hurt Odin had caused her children.  Jormungandr’s was the freshest and the deepest betrayal, but she could clearly recall the fear in Hela’s eyes as her king had declared that the Norns had given her, her gift early and sentenced her to Helheim.  Loki had tried to fight for her daughter and failed, again, so it simply had never occurred to her that all that hurt wasn’t something she’d deserved and therefore something she could fix if only she would be better.  A better son, a better prince, and then her children would be accepted when she was.  Perhaps all that deserved some more thought as well.

When the twins were settled once more they went back to bed. Loki taking a moment to check on the others as well, who were sleeping soundly.  She tried to sleep too, but she couldn’t. Instead she stared at the wall her mind wide awake until there was a moan from behind her.

“Loki, you’re thinking too loud.”

“Sorry, my love, I just...there’s a lot to think about.”

Giving up on sleep for the time being she got up and went out on the balcony leaning against the railing and taking in the small lights in the distance.  Lights that represented lives being led day to day in ignorance of who was coming.  It was something Loki had once considered beneath her.  Oh, she knew that as a prince it was her duty to protect that of course and that everyone’s roles were important.  From the blacksmith who made the weapons for the warriors, to the farmer who grew the grain and vegetables, to the cook who would take those ingredients and prepare the delicious food that filled their banquet tables it was all intertwined.  It was just that as royalty Loki had always thought that she was destined for something grand.  She knew how everyone talked about Thor and his prowess in battle and Odin’s reign of prosperity.  She’d thought that one day she would accomplish something impressive that would be talked about too; an imposing battle strategy perhaps or a new system that would uplift Asgard’s society further, and if it involved greater use of magic so much the better.  Since losing all that though and being forced to focus on herself and her family, living moment to moment she found that she liked that simplicity and…and that she was happy.  And she was realizing everyone deserved that chance of discovery too.  To live fully in the way that suited them best and not have it snuffed out by Thanos and his delusions of grandeur and greed.  It would not be enough to hope Odin would learn another way.  That the so called Avengers would truly hold against such a force.  She had to help.

Sigyn’s arms came around her as she rested her body against her back.

“What troubles you, Loki?”

“Nothing…it, it should be nothing.  I have a wonderful wife, whose family has done more than enough for my recovery and comfort.  Our children are healthy, all together and…safe now.  I should be perfectly content, but…but I know of the danger to come.  I know that it will one day threaten not just us, but everyone, everywhere, and I can’t simply stand by and do nothing.”

Maintaining the embrace Sigyn moved around gently until they faced each other.

“You would sacrifice your own happiness for the good of all,” she said.

“Foolish isn’t it?”

Sigyn just smiled that knowing smile of hers and kissed her.

“Perhaps, but I believe it is what heroes do.”

Chapter Text

“I can see why you have been eager for this day, Loki.  The convergence is truly beautiful.”

“Indeed it is,” he answered, from the chair next to Sigyn reaching for her hand and letting their fingers intertwine.

“I’m just sorry it’s doesn’t happen more often.  I’ve been enjoying remote work,” Hela said, from the couch opposite them as Vali and Nari played with a stack of coloured blocks at her feet.

Loki chuckled and wished it would last too.  As the borders between worlds had begun to blur leading up to the event it had allowed her far easier travel between Helheim and Alfheim.  Jormungandr too went back to Midgard frequently, while Sleipnir had also taken the opportunity to return to Asgard periodically to continue working on a project he had started some years back now.  Monitoring the wildlife populations around the outer villages and though Loki worried he also knew it was important to his son.

His eldest had always held a deep love for Asgard.  He had always wanted to hear about council meetings, took such pride whenever Odin would ride him to diplomatic events, and spending most of his time in his birth form he had gotten close to many of the stable hands and the guilds of the city.  To know and work with so many aspects of Asgardian society made his son rounded in a way Loki knew he himself was not.  It was a good thing.

Jormungandr had Midgard and Hela Helheim, but the golden realm was the one Sleipnir wished to protect and cherish.  If things were not as they were perhaps he could have even…for a moment Loki let his mind conjure a flash of himself on the dais as Sleipnir swore the oaths and he handed over Gungnir.  Loki sighed and shook his head, a lovely fantasy, but nothing more.  Odin did not want a Jotun sitting on the throne of Asgard so he certainly wasn’t about to accept illegitimate children from that same Jotun for the role.

Letting those pessimistic thoughts fade to the back of his mind Loki got up, moving Vali and Nari slightly further back from the balcony and floating their blocks with them lest they start using their new favourite word “mine!” then making sure the protective curtain was still covering the opening as it should.  As he did he again looked at the sky and marvelled at it.  The convergence was indeed a beautiful sight.  And to think how easily he might have missed it, and missed the wonderful family he had gotten to share it with.  Once again Loki reminded himself that he was so, so fortunate.   Maybe not in the ways he’d once thought or hoped for, but life as it was now was good.

So he should have known his fortune was too good to last.

For as the eclipses reached totality and the world grew dark a portal opened and his eldest stumbled out wide eyed and breathing hard.

“Sleipnir!  What happened, are you hurt?”

His son shook his head while the questions quickly brought in Jormungandr and Fenrir from the other room.

“No, no, but Asgard is under attack.”

Loki stared at him in shock.

“It cannot possibly be Thanos it’s too early.”

“No, it is something else they were cloaked, ships I don’t recognize.”

At those words an old sense of duty reared its head and Loki inwardly cursed himself.  He held no official ties to Asgard anymore, but the desire to protect the people he’d once considered his own was strong.  And that was a practical aspect to it too really: Asgard could not fall.  It would cripple them before the greater threat was here.  Asgard was a warrior culture for good and ill, it was a layer of protection Yggdrasil could ill afford to be without.  So with a flash of green he donned his armour and turned to Sigyn as she gathered up their youngest.

“Go to the city and warn your parents in case anyone comes here as well.”

Sigyn nodded Loki knew she would need no help getting there she knew the way even better than he did still…

“Watch over them.”

Hela and Jormungandr nodded and went to her side, but Fenrir went to stand next to Sleipnir.

“Take me with you.”

“Fenrir-”

“I want to help, mother.”

His voice was firm, his stance strong, and there was no time to argue.

“All right.”

With it settled the three of them went back the way Sleipnir had come.  Sleipnir leading the way as the cosmos in its brilliance threatened to distract them from their goal.  As they came out the other side they were hit by the stench of smoke and utter chaos.  They managed to take in the dogfight over the city and as they did a chill ran down Loki’s spine.  Sleipnir did not know the ships, but Loki did from tales from when Thor’s grandfather had been king.

“The Dark Elves.”

“Born of eternal night the Dark Elves come to steal away the light.” Fenrir quoted.

He finished just in time for them to see the shield around Valaskjalf collapse.

“An agent must have been sent into the palace no one else would have access to the generator.” Sleipnir assessed.

The ground shook as a ship crashed into said palace at full speed thus Loki nodded in agreement.

“So that’s where we go,” he declared.

With practiced ease Sleipnir took his birth form, as sleek and majestic as ever.  Loki mounted with equal ease and they raced off for the heart of the city.

True to form Loki did what he could to help, shielding people from the falling debris from the air fight as they passed.  He summoned a sword and remained mounted as they engaged the enemy using speed, and height, to his advantage in the fray.  Fenrir ran beside them teeth barred, claws out as traction against the stones.  Loki was certain they made quite the sight as several guards and citizens dove out of the way.

As they traveled deeper into the palace though it grew quiet and he didn’t like it.

“Cover the perimeter,” he told Fenrir as he dismounted.

Fenrir gave a sharp bark and split off as Sleipnir shifted, taking the sword from Loki, who conjured his daggers as they approached the royal chambers.  The trail of death was not the only ill omen.   No there was old magic here and that boded ill for the queen whose doors were already ajar.

Quietly they advanced and peered in to see a creature Loki had only seen in books held her a flash of her magic disappearing in the hands of another pale figure.

“Witch!”

As he turned back they slipped in, under invisibility, working to find an advantage.  

“Where is the Aether!?”

“I’ll never tell you.”

“I believe you.”

The Kurse moved its blade and on instinct Loki blasted it back fine tactics lost to the wind.  It let go of the queen who crumpled to the floor as Loki rushed forward.

“Get away from her,” he growled.

“Loki!” Frigga called out in shock, as she remained on the ground clutching her side, blood seeping through her fingers.

Sleipnir took on the Kurse as Loki engaged what he could only assume was the leader. His daggers blocked his strikes in fluid quick movements, and even as Loki got him against a pillar their leader smirked.

“I see she taught another.”

“It will be the last thing you see.”

He was delayed in fulfilling that promise as there was a shout from Sleipnir who struggling with the beast.  Thankfully back up arrived in the form of Loki’s former brother, as lightning abruptly shot through the room, hitting the leader in the face, leaving nasty scars, and allowing Loki to aid his son. Grabbing a discarded sword he aimed for the head as Sleipnir managed to get underneath and drove his sword through its chest.   The black bulk gurgled, fell to the floor, and at last stilled.

Unfortunately that allowed their leader to start escaping over the balcony Thor summoned Mjolnir back awkwardly trying to stop him, his right arm badly burnt.  Loki winced at the pieces of armour that appeared melted into the blackened and blistered skin.  Frigga was still on the ground, blood staining her dress, and Loki bit his lip wanting to reach for the numerous strength enhancing potions and healing elixirs that were now available to him, but no they were not his to worry over anymore.  He had no right to it.

He was distracted from that as Fenrir burst onto the balcony to finish what Thor started.  He managed to grab a section of the fleeing ship in his jaws holding it back from joining the mother ship still in the sky.  It pushed more power to the engines trying to get away and as it did Fenrir let go, sending the ship directly into the larger one in a fiery collision.  Then he shifted into a sun dragon, golden scales glittering in the sky, he breathed a large jet of flame to the join the fire already started on the ship until it spread enough to send the whole thing crashing into the water below.  Shifting back again Fenrir landed back on the balcony and howled in joy.

Thor instinctively backed up to protect his family, as Loki did his keeping Sleipnir behind him, and Odin kneeled down next to his wife.  Then as if there hadn’t been enough surprises a woman came out of hiding to join them, bottles clenched in her hands.  Frigga took them, keeping one for herself, and gave the other to Thor in turn.

Loki started moving to the balcony cautiously, as Fenrir shifted, and went to join the others, a wide smile on his face.

“Fenrir?” Thor questioned.

With a shout that caused Loki to flinch for it matched the one given to him trying to defend Thor after Jotunheim Odin put himself in between them.

“Why are you here?” he asked, his voice cold, eye smouldering with the rage of battle, knuckles white holding Gungnir, a warrior king still.     

Fenrir halted in his tracks.

“Grandfa-All-Father, I…I thought.”

His smile faltered and he shrank back as they continued to stare at him.  He didn’t understand he now had a form that looked as they did.  He thought they would be happy to see him thus.  Sigyn’s parents were.  They had accepted all of them as kin regardless of blood there was no reason Asgard shouldn’t too.  He had grown since being chained mastering his ability to shapeshift, had just helped defend the kingdom, proving his loyalty and strength.  He thought things were different now.

It was supposed to be different now.

“I had-had hoped.”

With the aid of his seidr Loki pulled Fenrir back and put his arm gently around him.  Letting his son press against him as Loki felt the tears against his neck as his shoulders began to shake.

“She is a fickle mistress, my son.  I am sorry you did not find what you sought.”

His heart twisted at a question from his son that came in the barest whisper.

“Why don’t they want me?”

Because of me, Fenrir, because you come from me.

“And what do you seek, Loki, coming back here now?” Thor asked, before Loki could voice those thoughts.

“Wait that’s Loki!?”

The woman Loki didn’t recognize suddenly strode forward and punched him.

“That was for New York.”

Ah yes now he remembered: Doctor Foster.  Perhaps he deserved that he thought as he kept his sons back for retaliating, but as Loki felt the sting of his cheek, damage she should not have been able to do, another thought came to him.

“Your mortal is powerful, Thor, why?”

Loki got his answer from Doctor Foster herself as there was a sudden red glow in her eyes before they rolled back and her body crumped in on itself.

Sleipnir caught her and then scanned her.  Loki frowned her vitals were erratic, she was dying.  He pressed his hand to her himself to find a red glow pulsing through her veins, his eyes widened in shock.

“This is what they came for, what you hid…the Aether.”

Of course it had not been destroyed by King Bor it could not be.  Loki knew intimately the familiar power of its sisters. It was an infinity stone.  Thor must have brought Doctor Foster to Asgard to try and heal her.  How she had even gotten into contact with it in the first place was of no consequence now, what was of clear consequence was she had never been trained to hold it, she would not survive unless it was removed and quickly.

“Keep her still.”

His sons did as he asked while he began to work to allow it to release from her.

“Stop!”

He would not as the Aether sought its sisters, felt the remnants that clung to him and made for them. Doctor Foster’s body began to float as wisps of red appeared from her eyes, mouth, slowing yielding its host.

Odin was yelling, but Loki could not make out the words as forces of the universe battled for control.  He would not bend with the pressure.  He’d commanded the Tesseract while basically being half dead he could do this too.

He would not lose focus now.

“Odin, no!”

Odin ignored his queen as he aimed Gungnir and fired at them.  The Aether pushed out further as it formed a shield trying to protect itself.  In an instant it was reinforced with ribbons of deep purple and warm gold.  As the boys stepped forward simultaneously and linked their magic, born of their own desire that no one hurt their mother again it held firm even against the All Father’s greatest weapon.

“Father, stop!”

Thor and Frigga at last got him to relent.  The beam breaking off, but though they were breathing hard, Fenrir and Sleipnir kept the shield up allowing Loki to continue to concentrate and pull hard.   The Aether let go from Doctor Foster at last and red droplets floated around them.  Sleipnir eyes were wide awe as he caught her and lowered her gently to the ground.

Loki’s signature green again joined his children’s magic as he pulled the remains of the shield back to cover his family alone, leaving Doctor Foster to the others.  Thor took that risk and gathered her into his arms his own injures be damned.  Though Loki barely noticed his actions as the Aether swirled around his arms like a wispy serpent, reminiscent of one of the mortal’s creation stories as it whispered temptation.

“Oh, the power I could wield with this in my veins.”

“Everything could be changed.”  Frigga choked out.

“Hmm, yes, re-written as though it never was.”

Reality could be anything he wished. He could make it so he never turned the Bifrost on Jotunheim, and so would never fall into the Black Order’s grip.  He could shape things so he never let the three Jotuns into the vault thus Thor wouldn’t attack Jotunheim either and he could live in blissful ignorance of his true nature.  Perhaps he could even make it so Odin never found that babe at all and allowed them to die on that barren rock as his birthright had deemed.  Why with this it was even possible to make it so he was truly Odinson, everything he had once wanted.

It was all indeed so very tempting.

Letting out a slow breath Loki glanced to his sons, his thoughts turning to his young ones and the daughter he had sworn to protect from the one who was still coming.  He would lose them all if he changed things and they were the only good that had come from his pathetic existence.

Given that there was no choice at all and with another breath Loki pushed out further, forcing the Aether down, as if forging molten rock into obsidian, until there was only a glowing red stone in the palm of his hand.

The ones he had once considered family looked at him as if he were unhinged.

A monster loose from its cage. 

He could work with that.

“Know this, All Father, another will come for this and the one in your vault.  No life will be spared in the attempt and all life will be lost if he succeeds, be ready.”

With that declaration Loki sent the Aether to his pocket dimension, held his sons close, opened a portal, and was gone.

***

Despite all the turmoil the three arrived back on the peacefulness of Alfheim.

“What happened, is anyone hurt?” Sigyn asked as she rushed up to them and Loki hugged her tightly.

“No, not physically at least there will be much to discuss later.  There has been no change here?”

Sigyn shook her head. “No, nothing.”

“Good.”

“What happened there?”

“The Dark Elves attacked in search of the Aether.  Asgard is safe now though slightly worse for wear.  I need to borrow these two, our work unfortunately is not over.”

Hela and Jormungandr joined their siblings, looking very confused as Loki opened a portal.

“We’ll be back shortly, hopefully.”

“Loki!”

But he was already gone. He was sorry for leaving so abruptly, but if the elves were still around and they searched for the Aether again he did not want to lead them there.  So this time he moved rapidly through several branches of Yggdrasil before stepping out into Vanaheim.  He started walking his children taking a moment to orient themselves before they followed behind him, giving an account of what had happened, and passing out small bottles to help restore energy from the battle.

“You kept the Aether, why?” Sleipnir asked suddenly.

“Protection,” Loki answered simply. “The Mad Titan already seeks me.  Having one of his prizes will not change that and it gives us a new weapon in our arsenal.  The stones should not be kept close together either it will only make Asgard a greater target.”

“But they already think you came for the others on Midgard, won’t they now think you plan to lead the attack?” Fenrir asked.

“Oh, I’m counting on that.”

Fenrir and his siblings just looked at him confused.

“They have never believed my words before so they will not start now and if Asgard thinks it is me who comes they will likely work harder to protect themselves anyway.  Who knows what tricks a sly silver-tongued sorcerer might use, hmm?”

Hela smiled. “Clever.”

“I do try.”

They arrived in a large grove and Loki made for the large tree in the centre of it.

“Where are we?” Fenrir asked.

“I remember this place.” Jormungandr said. “You brought us here before we could shift.”

Yes he had before Hela and Fenrir had been born they had come here on a vacation with his family…once family and that included King Freya Frigga’s brother.   Loki had considered him an uncle once, one connection in which he outshone Thor so perhaps there was still something there.  He had planned to do this before the attack and so pulled out a note, an invitation really, for an alliance.  Asgard would protect the Nine no question especially with what had just transpired.   But the more everyone was aware and trained especially since many valued areas like seidr as Asgard did not it would be invaluable.  He placed the note in the hollow of the tree a place Freya had shared with him connected to his study so they could share messages just between them.  Loki could only hope he hadn’t changed anything and a political connection at least could still be possible.    

 “What is it?” Sleipnir asked, trying and failing to not help himself to one of the sweet fruits currently blossoming on the tree.

“A point of contact and I need others to know where it is in case anything happens to me.”

They went to Svartalfheim next and left the same note in a cave where Loki hoped it could be found.

“I don’t know if there are any Dark Elves left now, but if there are we can’t make the mistake to think that all think as their leader did.”

They looked around squinting against the sand swirling in the harsh winds.

“Can you feel anything, Hela?”

“Strange. I can sense…struggle.”

Fenrir knelt down pressing his hand to dirt. Glowing trails of magic moved like roots through the sandy soil, as his own gift was beginning to show itself. “There is life here, but it can’t thrive it is nocturnal and that cycle is gone now.”

Loki glanced to the yellowed skies for he knew who had taken it.  Whether justified or not he could not say anymore for it was naive to think that Asgard always spoke the truth of their enemies.   He knew better now.  Besides that there was life here besides the elves and none of those species had asked for the war.

So he pulled out the stone and concentrated, closing his eyes and feeling darkness engulfe the landscape.   As it did Loki was careful to pull his connection to the stone and put it back quickly even though he knew he could do more.  This realm needed the darkness the others did not.  Greed had potentially cost two rulers their kingdoms already there was no need to push.

He opened his eyes and was shocked by the amount of stars that filled the sky. It was gorgeous.

“Wow,” Jormungandr said, as they took in the star scape.

Fenrir smiled. “It’s better.”

“Good,” Loki answered, before opening yet another new portal nearby.  Although this time he steeled himself before stepping through it.

“While the bonds between worlds are still thin I have one more stop to make, stay close, my children.”

***

The realm they entered was dark and they blinked away the snow falling into theirs eyes before conjuring stronger cloth to fight against the bitter winds of Jotunheim.

If he had any real choice in the matter Loki would have never set foot on the realm again, but it had to be done.  Ignorance could not continue, not for himself or anyone else.  Like with Vanaheim this was the only time to do so accurately without the aid of the Bifrost.

As they walked towards the ruins of the city they fell into proper formation, his sons behind and Hela a half step in front of him, it was her right.  Still it seemed they arrived at the royal court all too soon.  Memories of the last time he'd been here still fresh, but he forced them aside.  He must be calm there could be no repeat of that incident.

“Kings Helblindi and Byleistr,” he said and bowed.

As the children followed suit Loki looked up at their thrones side by side an equal duo, something he and Thor might have been if the Norns were kind.

“How did you get here?” Helblindi asked.

“I am well versed in the paths between worlds, the convergence has made them far easier to traverse.”

“What do you want, Prince of Asgard?”

“I am no prince of that realm and I come with an offer.”

Reaching into his pocket dimension one again he reveled in the connection.  It had taken him so long to be able to reach those depths again, but at last he had done it.  Reconnected with something that had been him since as far back as he could remember and now he had to connect to something he had not known he was.  He pulled back and revealed to them the Casket of Ancient Winters.  As before when he held it blue began to spread across his skin he took a slow deep breath and forced himself to relax.  It was his birth form he told himself just as the children had theirs nothing more.

 “A penance for my wrongs against you.”

For some time they just sat there in silent shock.

“You defy the wishes of the All-Father and…”

They came towards him and he tilted his head up to allow them to see the lines on his skin.

“You…you are our Loki.”

“A sacrifice never received.”

“A what?”

“Laufey wished a larger world for you, for us that’s why he went to war.”

“I was never told.”

“Twins aren’t rare here,” Byleistr continued, glancing to the children, and told the story of a pairing with a noble woman Farbauti of Asgard so in a way Loki was both really after all, rather fitting considering his nature as a shapeshifter. They bore two babes one who did not survive birth the other an offering in the hopes of victory as Asgard had pressed down on them.

A tool once more; also fitting really.

“Have you come for what is rightfully yours?”

“I desire no throne. I merely return to you what is yours for the health of your realm and as I said a penance for causing more destruction,” he spoke plainly, glancing over to the large gash in the landscape.

Byleistr took the Casket and as they did his blue skin faded back to pale Aesir and Loki found that here he missed it. Odd.

Byleistr narrowed his eyes in suspicion.  “Why would you do this?  You who admit you turned the Bifrost on us.”

"I am ashamed to say that reaction came from an improper place and now a far greater threat approaches.  All the Nine must be united in the fight and as prepared as we can be.”

“Who?”

“Thanos.”

There were rumblings around them of those who had gathered to see the spectacle.

“Even in our isolation we know of the one who leaves half dead worlds in his wake.”

“The very same.   He has been amassing his forces for some time now and will seek the Nine.  The time for petty fighting among the realms is passed.  You now have the power to rebuild Jotunheim and while I cannot speak in an official capacity I can connect you to those on Alfheim who can and potentially offer further alliances.”

“And what of Asgard?” Helblindi questioned.

“As I said I am formerly no prince of theirs and I no longer speak for anyone there.”

“And what do you ask in return for our aid then, if not a kingdom?” he continued to question.

“Train me.”

“What?”

“As I said I was never told anything about myself.  I knew nothing until the day Prince Thor came here spoiling for fight and got it.  So I was never told all that I might do.  You fought differently that day than I have seen others do and I wish to learn that style and my children as well if they too wish.  It is their heritage as much as it is mine.”

Byleistr examined the casket as if expecting a trick, while Helblindi considered Loki’s offer, before they glanced to one another and finally nodded.

“Agreed.”

Chapter Text

The Casket of Ancient Winters lived up to its name as it pulsed in bright blue waves.  Gathering up snowflakes that swirled around it faster and faster, fusing together until a thick shimmering structure of ice had encased it completely.

“Is it supposed to do that?” Loki asked.

“It has been millennium since the heart of our world has been absent,” Byleistr explained. “It must now heal from within before that power can be used outwardly again.  It is the core tenet of our abilities.”

Not so different from seidr Loki had decided as she took a deep breath and focused, allowed her mind to clear and breathing to be deeper still and slowly grow chilled.  She reached for that cold and pushed it outward.  She raised her hand, ice glittering on her fingertips, and aimed for the target.  The shards were slightly off the bullseye, still a different feel than her daggers.  These at least she didn’t have to retrieve though.

As the ice began to melt in the early light of the growing dawn the water droplets reminded her of Jormungandr and how quickly he had taken to the element.  Making tiny rain clouds, laughing at the rainbows that formed in the mini storms and how proud she’d been of her strong boy as his tail swirled in the air and then he jumped cleanly through the hoops he’d made.

It had all been in the name of fun until she awoke one morning to a flooded dock and angry citizens.

Was there leniency as there had been when Thor was learning control? Of course not.  Instead there was Midgard, her trying to treat it as a great adventure exploring the crystal clear waters.  Until she was needed at home and he could not come with her.  

“I’ll fix it, mama,” he had declared with the same confidence Fenrir had so recently lost.

And there had been nothing to fix!

She growled, raising her other hand and firing again.

Even when he had fixed it in a way it still hadn’t mattered.

“Can I open my eyes yet?”

“No! You have to wait!”

“All right, all right.”

She kept her eyes tightly closed a grin on her face as she let herself be led by her little bundle of chaos.   Suddenly he shifted beneath her, kneeling down somehow and she found herself standing on warm sand.

“You may open them now.”

She did blinking away the harsh sunlight to see a boy standing before her with features that had been in her mirror not so very long ago and familiar red eyes.

“Jormungandr?”

The boy flashed her a bright smile and there was a shout behind her.

“Look what we can do!”

She turned to find that Sleipnir hadn’t knelt down but shifted as well, then back to prancing around them with his newly shoed hoofs before shifting back to a boy once again.  Jormungandr started taking forms of Midgardian snakes both big and small.  Then both of them became large birds in flight around her before landing back to the ground.

They turned back to her with looks of pure joy and then frowned at her tears.

“Aren’t you happy, mama?” Sleipnir asked in concern.

She fell to her knees and hugged them fiercely.

“Oh, yes, yes, these are happy tears, my boys.  I’m so, so proud of you.”

“So can I come home now?” Jormungandr asked.

Loki hugged them tighter trying to hide the not happy tears.

“Not yet,” she said, cursing herself for she was the cause of it.

“Why not?”

“Yes, with the drought still ongoing he would be a great help at home.”

She sat back on the sand and placed a hand on her stomach.

“Because changes have to be prepared for first.  You see you, both of you, are going to be a big brother.”

The loud cheers of joy were a balm to her heart and if she could have spent that entire second pregnancy on Midgard she would have.  Unfortunately it proved complicated and required monitoring and so she returned to Asgard.  To the looks of shame from Odin, and the silence from Thor who went on quests and never asked about her.  The way mother bit her lip at every pre-natal appointment Loki was never quite sure if she was worried about the pregnancy or about how she’d tarnished the family’s reputation again.  Worse still had been the whispers from the people that she had no control over herself.

Their family wasn’t even large by Jotun standards!

She’d learned that they might have families of ten or even twelve children.  For they had been very forth coming of not just about battle tactics, but also of their culture, traditions, and history.   She had learned much and one of the first things was that the Jotunar had a language all their own.   Having once been far more nomadic they had calls that mimicked the wildlife on Jotunheim to help with hunting.  In infancy they mimicked such calls before speech.

Just as her children had.

They were all alert and responded to speech just not in the way that was acceptable milestones for Asgard, it all spoke to an intelligence that no one else had been ready to acknowledge since their birth forms didn’t match Loki’s and so they were judged as the beasts they looked like.  Even for Hela for Loki could easily recall when she started saying her first words and dared to address her as mama.

“I carried her I gave birth to her, why is it wrong for my daughter to call me as such?  It makes me no different from mother.”

Odin slammed his hands on his desk and stood up.  

“Because your inability to control your shapeshifting should not constantly be my concern!  You are a prince, Loki, and it is well passed time you started acting like one!”

Loki blasted the targets away in a cloud of green as her anger at the All Father burned anew because either he knew of the language and did not wish her to learn it to keep his secret war prize.  Or he hadn’t known and made no attempt to integrate Jotun culture into her upbringing and Loki didn’t know which one was worse.  To say nothing of the fact to have only one set of reproductive organs on Jotunheim was to be considered half formed.

As she thought back on the hisses and barks she had been so readily able to understand she started to wonder, had she done the same?  With every chirp or coo had the All Mother been reminded of the child fostered onto her?  An interloper to her family brought in for the political ambitions of her husband.  Her cuckoo in the nest.

“I'm sure there has never been a prouder father than Laufey, for his son to turn out as monstrous as he despite all of our tireless efforts."

Efforts to make her something she wasn’t.  She felt like she belonged and now so much about her final made sense.  The Casket once allowed travel, because they were voyagers just as she traveled the branches of Yggdrasil.  Her ability to shapeshift and affinity for seidr were still rare and if anything that just gave her more pride in her abilities.  Still everything she had been taught to hide or shy away from in the realm eternal was perfectly normal for Jotunheim.  Helblindi had been happy to share that he was carrying their next heir and the concept of gender was basically non-existent. 

There was nothing wrong with her!  She had spent centuries trying to prove herself to different standards and it had all been for nothing!

Emotionally and physically spent she went to clean up.  Careful not to wake Sigyn she drew a warm bath and as she cleansed her skin pale pink took over the blue as it did whenever she finished training.

This time though she deliberately stopped it.  Getting out she stood in front of the full length mirror and just reflected on her reflection.  Twisting around to view herself from every angle.

“It suits you,” Sigyn declared, as she came in, leaning against the tub and admiring her.

“You really think so?”

“I do.  You have struggled to find yourself, Loki, it does me good to see you so comfortable with yourself.”

She tilted her head as she continued her assessment.

 “You’re sure, it isn’t too much?” she said, turning away from the mirror as Sigyn stood up and came over to her, wrapping her arms around her.

“If it pleases you, my love, then it pleases me.”

Loki looked at her reflection once more.  Taking in the contrasts between them as well. Of her darker hair to the ringlets of blonde hair that fell around Sigyn’s face and hid the flare to her ears.  The more she explored and learned about it the she had wanted to express it.   She would always have a connection to Asgard that was plain to acknowledge, but so now was Jotunheim, always had been she just hadn’t known it.     

She had taken a cue from her daughter and split the difference.  On one side there was still the pale skin she had always known while on her left it was all cobalt blue.  Both her eyes had remained green, but that suited Loki just fine, Jormungandr had always pulled off red eyes better than her anyway.  Sigyn was right it did feel right to show both sides of herself, but it was still such a large change.

Her wife giggled and ruffled her hair, pulling her out of her thoughts.

 “You’re thinking too much again.”

“I know, and I know I shouldn’t, but I have already asked so much of you.”

Sigyn just kissed her in response.

“You take many forms, Loki, and I love you in all of them.  Except for that time you spent a month as a trout.”

She laughed.

“I don’t deserve you.”

“No, you don’t after all I am a goddess to be held up above all,” she said, and rubbed her thumb against Loki’s forearm having quickly discovered that the lines were sensitive.

A deep low moan escaped her throat.

“And how may I worship you?” she asked, pressing her lips against the side of her neck.

Sigyn moved to kiss her again and deepened it readily before pulling back.

“My elder sisters wanted to embrace their auntie roles and the boys will be with them for the rest of the morning, perhaps we could take the chance to explore?”

Loki carried her to their bed chambers and obliged. 

***

She kept her appearance as it was and decided to show the children at lunch.  Waiting until they were seated she took a deep breath and stepped into the room and was met with silence.

“I realize it is a rather drastic change, but-”

She was cut off as Hela teleported out of her chair and hugged her tightly.

Loki smiled as she hugged her back and worked not to cry.

“Clearly it is approved.”

“Does this mean we can ask you to make ice for all our drinks?” Fenrir asked.

“No you may not you can practice that on your own time.”

Their meal went on without incident but it turned out Loki wasn’t the only one with something to show off as Fenrir gathered them together afterwards and went out to the gardens with a box of plants for each of them, taking them to a dry spot with fresh dirt to be planted.

“What do you think?”

“Uh, it’s empty?” Sleipnir commented.

Fenrir huffed and kicked dirt at him. “Yeah, genius, I’m going to make it into a proper garden.  More small controlled I guess than the woods, do you want to help?”

Loki nodded. “I would love to help.”

“And someone has to colour coordinate,” Sleipnir declared, already organizing the plants in his possession.

Hela smiled and rolled up her sleeves. “Death is my domain that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy living things too.  Even if it does involve bugs.”

***

The family worked diligently in the dirt, and if the last of it devolved into a mud fight well it warmed Loki’s heart to see Fenrir take on more responsibility and Hela having more fun.

As the last of the afternoon suns cast long shadows over the garden Sigyn took Nari and Vali for a bath and a nap while Hela said she had work to check on.  At that Sleipnir said he was going for walk, leaving only Loki and Fenrir to accept the offered drinks as they sat under a tree to admire their work.

“Grandmother likes to do this too doesn’t she?” Fenrir asked, sipping his drink.

“Hmm, she does, outside of weaving I think it was her favourite hobby.  Her gardens are the largest on Asgard.  She keeps all types of flowers and even extra herbs for the healing halls.  When you were small I used to take you out there to play.  She always complained about you digging up her rose bushes.”

Yes he recalled memories of digging deep in the rich soil, the smell of the earth, and bright flowers.  He smiled as he was reminded of just how much he loved to be out among life.

“Uncle Thor used to take me out too.  We would spend all day in the mountains.  One time we went on an adventure for a whole week!”

Then he frowned.  They’d travelled so much together.  Thor had always seemed so happy to have him along that he thought nothing of General Tyr and his soldiers saying they had a challenge for him. Concentrating he conjured a thin layer of frost on his glass and began tracing his fingers through the condensation.  Even though Thor had not come any of those times he still wondered, were they looking for a good spot to leave him? Had they ever cared at all?   Had anything he felt there for them really been real?  He wasn’t certain about anything anymore.

Loki saw his mind working let her arm around him and pulled him close.

Fenrir smiled.  Well he might not know that, but mother loved him and she was safe and that he was most certain of.

“It’s all right to think about them, Fenrir.  We did spend many seasons on Asgard after all.”

He gave a small nod as he chewed his lip and pondered a question.

“Do you think it’s all right to still love them?” he asked at last.

Loki closed her eyes at the question, early memories floating back to her.  Back when everything and everyone towered over her, before knowing she was different without knowing why and her heart ached for what was.

“Come home.”

“I do, my son.”

It was hard to explain, but Loki swore she would try.  She would be open with them, she would be better at least at this.

“I think it’s okay to love them, but know that they don’t return it the way we need them to and so we can’t be with them.”

“Because of their duty right?”

“That’s right, they are still the royal family of Asgard the beacon of hope and power for all the realms.  They must appear strong and united for the battle to come.”

“And we’re not that, we never were.  Not true warriors, not Aesir, not…pure.”

“No.”

“It’s not fair.”

“No, it isn’t, but life unfortunately seldom is.” 

Fenrir finished his drink and fiddled with the glass.

“When we win against Thanos, do you think it’ll be better?”

He was confident of the clash to come in a way Loki was certainly not.

“I hope so,” she answered simply.

She was indeed a fickle mistress and so Loki would work not to get them too high.  Her life at least was still good now so she would work to treasure it as best she could, but if a further future came, for the children at least, she truly hoped she would be there to see it.

***

Sleipnir watched solemnly as Hela sat in the shade.  Her eyes closed, face focused slightly in the pull of astral protection.  She was doing it more frequently these days as with the end of the convergence the barriers between the realms grew firm again.  She would need to be away more often soon too and he would miss her.  He already missed his brother as Jormungandr spent more time on Midgard now to make sure the Avengers weren’t doing anything stupid.  Apparently the overseeing organization of them; Shield had already collapsed so clearly that was going well.

He sat down with her as she began to shift back to the familiar plane.

Her hair was short still and Sleipnir couldn’t help, but feel guilty looking at it.  If she was still on Asgard perhaps it would long as it had been when they would braid each other’s hair, practicing the warrior ones they each dreamed of earning one day.   And maybe she could have stayed if he had helped more or at all really then, but perhaps he could still feel useful now at least.

His sister let out a sigh as she returned fully.

“Hela.”

Her eyes widened in surprise and she leaned back.

“Sleipnir, you don’t have to watch you know I’m a big girl I can handle astral projection,”

“I know I just….can we talk?”

“Of course.”

He moved to be on his knees down in front of her then bent down further exposing his neck in case she wished to lop it from his shoulders.

“I extend to you my deepest apologies, dearest sister.”

“What?  What are you talking about?”

“I seek forgiveness because I am the reason the Titan even seeks you.”

“Okay I’m going to need you to make me a detailed map of how you came to that conclusion.”

He managed a small smile as he knew it was a jab at his need to be organized and thorough and he at least owed her a full explanation.

“You know Odin would come to visit me in the stables often.  Sometimes he would just groom me silently.  Other times he would talk about diplomatic things, I think it helped him problem solve, and for me it…it made me feel so connected to Asgard so important to our king.  He would always tell me how strong I was.  His powerful tall and most trusted steed that he insisted be front and centre for every parade or event, and then it was you he gave a whole realm to!”

He rubbed his hand over his face trying to push down the regret.

“I was so jealous and angry that I didn’t understand that it was meant as a punishment.”

Hela could see that.  They had been rather distant then each trying to find themselves and their own interests and there had been so many rumours about the incident.  She herself would never forget it.  The aura she’d sensed from the man.  The look of fear towards her as she reached out to help him, even while clutching his chest in pain.  The footsteps backing up, the screams, the blood.  The people gathering around, she remembered asking mother if he was okay once they’d rushed back to her chambers. 

She remembered the boredom of being stuck inside only being distracted so long by reading about magic and practicing spells.  Of in turn avoiding Sleipnir as he had free range in the fields and took full advantage of his freedom.  She recalled taking up music to drown out the yelling beyond the chamber doors.

“So what changed?” she asked.

“I understand now that I was only there to make him look good, but still it wasn’t until we fought he Dark Elves that…you know for all the tales Asgard weaves of battles I…I had never seen his rage.  The blazing look of man defending his own, doing only what needed to be done.”

Hela didn’t have to imagine that look she had seen it at her trial.  Not the rage, but the face of cold certainty, the one who believed he could show no favouritism and instead showed no mercy in the face of innocence.

“I should have protected you then as Fenrir tried to.”

“Lot of good it did him,” she said, rubbing her wrist.

“I’m so sorry.  If I had not been so focused on myself I would have seen the truth and if we had been able to keep you with us the Titan could never have chosen you as he has.  I’m the eldest it is my duty to protect you and I failed and I am so, so sorry.”

She reached over and hugged him hard.

“Be at peace for all is well, brother.  I was never mad at you or anything.”

“Still is there anything I can do to help you now?” he asked as they stood up.

“Besides stringing up Thanos by his entrails?” she asked, with a smirk.

“That’s a given.”

“Well you know I could always use more help filing paperwork.”

“Hmm, well I did just commission a new stationery set with ten different coloured inks.”

Hela laughed and shoved him as they walked back for dinner.

“You are such a nerd.  You know one day people are going to see though your dark mysterious allure and ruin my Goth Girl cred on Midgard in the process.”

Sleipnir just rolled his eyes. “Come on I’ll race you back for dinner.”

“Feather or foot?”

“Feather, I’ll even give you a head start so I don’t beat you so badly.”

“Challenge accepted,” she declared, and smiled as they took to the skies.

***

Asgard was quiet.  His father had gone into the Odinsleep while Thor sat upon the throne.  With the stack of reports for the repairs finally all signed, petitions answered, and his supervising of the troops training not scheduled till late afternoon.  He was left to think.

His mind began drifting back to after the battle as it had often of late, when they went to the healing halls for treatment and to regroup.

“Thor?” Jane aske,d as she awoke to the familiar sight of molecular energy transfer above her. “What happened?”

“You’ve been cured and I need the soul forge.”

He made to help her up until Lady Eir stopped him.

“Not you, my prince, you’re taking her place.”

“Lady Eir, my injury was not the life threating one.”

“It might become so if you don’t let the cream soak in.”

Thor merely scoffed. “It is not that serious.”

“Clashing with an enemy almost no one in living memory has fought I am not taking any chances.”

Frigga helped her down instead as Thor did as the head healer requested.

“Thank you, for everything I’m sorry you got hurt in my defence.”

“You’re welcome and my injury is minor all others considered.”

Odin merely watched them carefully.

She raised her arm looking for any traces of red. “I still don’t understand how did you get it out?”

“We didn’t Loki did.”

“What?! why?”

“To continue his path of conquest obviously.”

“Odin-”

“We both agree he escaped at the first opportunity, has taken Sleipnir with him, and now released that beast Fenrir and has possession of the Aether.”

Jane furrowed her brow in thought. “Sleipnir?  Fenrir? I know those names, he…he called him his son.  So, wait that wasn’t just some kind of formal address?  Your brother actually has kids?”

“Well they are hardly-”

“They are nothing, but the herald of Ragarok!” Odin thundered, cutting Thor off.

Frigga merely sighed at his continued theatrics.

“Odin, really glimpses of the future are ever shifting and I don’t know why you would trust a coven that held Agatha of all witches.”

“You think it coincidence that he joined the attack?  Has threatened to do so again?”

She drew herself up straight and glared at her husband. “I live because of our son, would you call that nothing? Honestly I think the dark energy is still holding too much influence over your judgement.”

“It would be prudent to check everyone, My King,” Eir said delicately, as Thor stepped down to join Jane and mother.

“As you wish then,” Odin agreed, and went as well.

Jane watched in fascination as mother explained the dark energy shifting around his core, a lingering effect of its use, and Lady Eir frowned.

“I would recommend we begin transitioning.”

It had been agreed with by mother and so that left Thor with the throne and to ponder it all.

What father had said of Loki it did make some sense, but…

The Aether had not reacted to him.  It had not seen Loki as a threat despite people merely trying to touch Jane being thrust back.  It was true he had saved her life by removing it from her.  And not only her, for the people had told tales in the taverns after of how he had defended them mounted upon a large black steed, a great wolf at his side.   He’d clearly come back to help them, had indeed saved mother’s life, knowing he would be sent back to the dungeons if he was caught, so why?

Thor let his mind drift back further to before it all, to the day that was to have been his coronation.  It all seemed so long ago now.

“I’ve looked forward to this day as long as you have, brother, my friend.  Sometimes I’m envious, but never doubt that I love you.”

Thor rubbed at his side for he did indeed doubt.  And how could he not?  Their friends had told him that Loki was jealous after his banishment.  He himself had seen and heard the angry creature that Loki was during the battle of New York, rebuffing every offer of peace, nothing like the brother he had known.

Until now.   

He had never attacked them even while they had been injured and at his mercy.  Yes he’d ignored father’s orders causing him to attack in turn, even if Thor still considered it too harsh.  True he had escaped with the Aether, but there had been nothing afterwards…again.  Just as when his escape had become known the first time.  Heimdall had watched closely for another attack of Midgard or another realm only for calm and peace to continue to reign.

Then there had been Fenrir and the other whose name he did not know.  Loki had been so…paternal with them he supposed.  Quiet in a way that reminded him of how his brother had been before anything had happened.  Watching the room intently, waiting for the opportune moment as he had always liked to say.  If they were not on opposing sides Thor would have felt as those things were as they had always been.

So why? 

Why was it so different during their fight on the Bifrost, New York, and after?

“What happened to you, Loki?”

“Pain that no living creature should endure.” Muninn responded, before her eyes glowed red and memories poured forth.

Thor’s mind was suddenly awash with images, colour, and sounds he opened his mouth to speak, but was then met with deafening silence.

His body felt as though it was being stretched thin.  Worlds seem to pass by slowly and then all at once.  He wanted to reach for them, but his limbs would not move, the smothering pressure was everywhere.

The just as suddenly it stopped.   There was a grip that snaked across his chest and throat, choking hard, and the wind was knocked from him as he slammed into the surface of an asteroid.

“It still lives.”

He could say nothing as he was dragged away

“The armour it is from Asgard, a powerful world.”

“Then it might be very useful.”

“Leave him with me,” a new voice commanded.

Then the numbness and cold was replaced with fire and pain.

“Find what we need or else.”

No.

What felt like thousands of needles tore across his skin.

 “Heimdall!”

“Succeed and the pain will stop.”

There were arenas flashes of opponents with green and blue skin.

The needles were back and the feeling of worms slithering into his every thought.  

 “Mama!”

Needles were replaced with currents and heat.

 “I will make you great.”

“Father, I’m sorry!  I just want to go home!” 

“You know you don’t have one.”

No they’ll come for me.

You all say that and yet here you stay.

“Brother, please!”

His cries slowly stopped as the cycle continued and a question was being asked. 

“Do you want to go home?”

I have none, I travel the space between worlds.

There was a suitcase and a bright blue aura.

“Well I guess that’s worth a look.”

See how well this goes when you cooperate, how great we can make you?  For you have been chosen as a child of Thanos.

“You have connected with the Tesseract you can travel where it wishes, should we send you home now?”

There never was one, just a realm that must be burned to ashes.

Why?

“Because they deserved it.”

“And what of their freedom?”

There is no such thing.

“He is ready to lead.”

There was a heavy weight in his hands, feeding a seething rage, a need to hurt before he got hurt.  To be right, to be strong.

He glanced up and he, Thor, recognized the being looming over him.  A face to the legend’s name.

A large hand shoved his head back down.

“Know your place, my child.”

I was something more once.  Had something more once? Children?  His mind blacked that out and a shout found its way to his lips.

“I was a king!”

Flashes of Earth in a haze of mind where the worms still dwelled, and a body in constant dull agony.

“You think you know pain?  He will make you long for something as sweet as pain!”

Thor came back to reality with a strangled cry to find himself collapsed at the bottom of the dais a crowd of guards and his mother looking down at him. He managed to sit up in time to see Lady Eir rushing to his side.

“Thor, what happened?” mother asked anxiously.

“Thanos is coming,” he whispered hoarsely.

“What?”

“Thanos is coming.  I must warn them.”