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There could be counted in one hand the times Ahn Yujin looked close up right in Jang Wonyoung eyes after the puppy turned sixteen. Teenager things, maybe? Not even herself knew why on earth she couldn't look at her member straight in the eyes since then. She had to try for work, and even during some choreographies, but it was hard as hell.
Yujin didn't know the reason, neither she wanted to. What would she find if she digged it in? That she dislikes her member? Her friend? Or that... Well, no. That was silly to think. Not that Ahn Yujin didn't like girls, she managed to feel more comfortable with her sexuality the past two years, but... Wonyoung wasn't an option. She was just this Super Baby, something like the Baby Boss. Super powerful, yet still a fetus.
Okay, she was no longer her maknae, they had Leeseo now, but... Yeah, okay, Jang Wonyoung grew quite a lot in the past couples years, but she still was this huge pouty baby, even if she can't show it that much nowadays thanks to her crazy busy life as Korea's it girl and shit. But yeah, still a big, tall and pretty baby.
– If you keep looking at the pan like that it will certainly explode right in your face - joked Gaeul, while passing by the puppy to grab something from the fridger.
It was only then that Yujin noticed she was looking too hard at the pan in her hand, probably drawing a hole on it with her mind.
– Sorry - the tall girl said, putting the pan aside and taking the egg back to the fridger.
– Gave up on the eggs? - asked the shorter blonde girl, drinking a can of soda.
– I'm going to order something - she shrugged - I don't know, I guess I'm no longer in the mood to do something to eat.
There was a slight silence in the kitchen for a awhile.
– There's something bothering you - Gaeul said as a matter of fact, going to the couch and throwing herself there - Come on, open up to your unnie.
Yujin laughed, her dimples making the older smile and laugh with her.
– You act like you're an ancient sometimes, ya know? - remarked the younger, sitting beside her unnie and resting her head on her shoulder.
– It's part of my charm - said the girl - You know, look older than I actually am somehow.
– You look younger, actually.
– I know, that's why I have to be mentaly ahead - Gaeul smiled, sipping her soda one more time before resting it on the living room table.
Yujin laughed on the older remark, laying her body down and resting her head on her unnie's lap.
The younger sighned. She didn't want to talk about it. She didn't want to voice her wonders out loud. Of course, when younger, she mentioned those weird feelings about Wonyoung to Eunbi when the woman asked about her sudden awkwardness around the maknae. However, she believed it would go away soon and Eunbi said it was probably a teenager thing. Well... Maybe it was, but... They were getting older, and it didn't change as much as Yujin wanted. Of course it got a little better. She could hug Wonyoung now without feeling the urge to run, and the tingling feeling in her stomach was not as much unbearable as before, but... Still... It was not like she didn't feel weird at all, as she should be.
– Is it about work? - Gaeul decided to ask, her voice as low and patient as always.
Yujin sighed once more, not sure what she could answer.
– In a way - the girl answered, feeling the older caress her scalp gently.
The both of them didn't use to be much touchy as some of the members, but they had their moments. It was usually moments of comfort like these where they had those sweet gestures of touch.
– Still going to therapy, right? - the older asked, and the younger nodded.
It was not rare of Yujin to skip her therapy sessions because she had some schedule, and yes, it was not like she had control over it, but when it happened, she could go another day, and it was then that the puppy skipped it.
Talking about therapy, Wonyoung have been some of the topics of her counseling sessions here and there. From inner jealousy of the girl center of attention, to worry about her health, and of course, this weird feeling that the girl made her feel. The therapist always seemed extra catious about this certain topic with her, because it was clear it wasn't something Yujin could easily talk about, but in the very few times they got a bit deeper in this matter the woman made her think, ponder, if maybe there was some sort of attraction.
You see, right when IZONE debuted, Yujin was happy for Wonyoung, but it was impossible for the Ahn to not feel jealous at all about the girl. She got the first place, the center position that Yujin knew she could master brilliantly. Yet, jealously couldn't make her hate on the younger.
God! Hate on Wonyoung was so stupid and not human. The girl was an angel. Nice, sweet, caring... That's what made it so hard to hate on her. Of course they had their fights, arguments, yet... The younger was always so caring about her feelings. Even in the tinest things, when so few could notice there was something wrong, Wonyoung knew better, and in her own soft and quite way, she tried her best to make her unnie to feel better.
Fuck, hate on Wonyoung should be a crime.
– Your breathing is getting havier - Gaeul said, still cuddling the younger scalp - Are you sure you don't wanna talk?
There was silence. The living room as quiet as quiet could be. Rei and Liz were sleeping, Leeseo was in her parents house, and Wonyoung was still out for some schedule. Everything was quiet, except for Yujin's mind.
– I feel weird around Wonyoung - the girl confessed, feeling like she vomited something bittersweet from her mouth.
Gaeul stayed quiet for awhile, before asking:
– Like... In a bad or good way?
– Like I want to throw up if she gets too close - the puppy admitted, her fingertips holding the couch with a certain straighten.
The older frowned.
– You don't like her?
Before Yujin could answer, a sound came from the front door.
For Yujin dismay, despair even, it was Wonyoung. She wasn't looking at her unnies, only taking off her shoes and putting on her slippers. She seemed tired, and Yujin wasn't sure if she heard something, or her sad face was just her tiredness showing.
– Hey - Gaeul smiled at the younger, waving at her gently.
Wonyoung gave her a small smile, and sighed, taking off her jacket.
– I'm sorry, I'm quite tired. Good night, unnie - she said, heading to her room right away.
Okay, here's the treaky thing about knowing Wonyoung too much, Yujin knew that she could react in three different ways if she heard the conversation: confront Yujin right away (younger Wonyoung would choose this one, for sure), pretend she didn't listen but do some snearky remark about it, or just give a very slight hint because she's too tired for confronts. And if there was somethig Wonyoung was since IVE's debut, was tired.
– Fuck - Yujin sighed in a whisper, one that Gaeul took sometime to understand, until she did.
– Go talk to her.
Yujin shook her head.
– No. She's tired.
– You know Wonyoung. You know she won't be able to rest after what she heard.
– What if she didn't hear anything?
– So why she completly ignored your existense when she came in?
Yujin wanted to say something about it, to keep arguing with Gaeul, but she knew the blonde was right. The two of them knew Wonyoung too well to deny that yes, she heard Ahn Fucking Yujin saying she wanted to puke everytime Jang Poor Wonyoung was close.
– Okay.
Yujin didn't have the straighten to confront Wonyoung, she never had. Yet, she was no longer just a member or friend, co worker, she was her leader. It was something beyond their relationship. It was the well being of the group. And fuck... The idea of Wonyoung crying because of her broke her heart into peaces.
– Good luck - Gaeul friendly patted the taller shoulder, and went to her room.
So there was Yujin, heading slowly to Wonyoung's door, pondering how the hell she would be able to explain everything without giving too much in. Maybe she could just let the girl hate on her, it was easier than being honest. Yet, once again, being a leader obliged her to not be an asshole. She wanted this position, now she had to deal with its consequences.
– Jang Wonyoung?- she tried to sound soft, but she knew it didn't work well.
Three, four knocks on the younger door. No sound inside.
– Wonyoungnie?- baby voice could work? Maybe?
Suddenly, the door opened, making Yujin breath in realief. Baby voice works indeed.
– That's why you want to throw up around me? You think I force myself into this cute persona? - a clearly hurt Wonyoung asked, her adorable cheeks rosy.
Okay, the baby talk wasn't a good idea.
– What? No!
– Then what? My face? My voice? My fucking height?
Yujin frowned. She wanted to say she wasn't understanding shit the girl was saying, but she knew the younger too well to know exactly what she meant with those quenstions.
– No - Yujin answered, firmly, her heart beating faster inside her chest.
Wonyoung waited for her to talk, to keep talking, and when nothing came, she smiled bitterly.
– Then why?
No answer. Again.
Right now the night seemed colder than ever, and Yujin pondered if it was a good idea to confront the younger so late of night.
– Why?!
– I don't know! - Yujin screamed back, open arms and feeling like she was going to throw up in any moment.
Oh, the irony.
– Well, I hope you won't vomit on-camera, it won't be good for us, our image - and saying that, she tried to close the door, but Yujin was fast enough to stop her.
In a fast moviment, the both of them were inside the Jang's room. Yujin didn't want the others to listen to their arguing. It was no use to worry them.
– I... - Yujin's mouth was dry as dry could be, and she tried to keep her gaze at Wonyoung's big eyes, but she couldn't - I...
– You don't need to lie, unnie - said the younger, her voice on her throat and her eyes watering - We can just... Pretend. For the sake of the group.
Oh no. She was crying... No.
– Wonnie... - Yujin stepped ahead, her heart in her sleeve when Wonyoung stepped back.
– It's okay, unnie. We're co workers, it's okay - and saying that, the girl tried to head outside the room, but Yujin was faster and grabbed her wrist.
– I feel weird - Yujin finally vomited, words, of course - I feel... Nervous.
Wonyoung frowned, waiting for the older to elaborate. She was too tired to argh back or question anything further.
– I feel... My heart racing. - Yujin's breathing was getting havier, and her thumb caressed the younger wrist awkwardly, yet sweetly - My breathing...
– What... Are you trying to say, unnie? - the Jang asked, getting a bit lower, her eyes searching for the older ones.
A drop fell from Yujin's eye, and it was then that Wonyoung finally realised what was happening. Of course she was suspicious about it, but it was too much of an optimistic thought. It was easier to think that Yujin hated her.
– Unnie... - she got bit closer, but Yujin kept looking anywhere but the younger.
– I'm an idiot - Yujin whispered, cleaning her tears - I'm sorry, Wonyoung. I'm... An idiot.
– No, you're not. You're Ahn Yujin - Wonyoung chuckled on her own silly joke , her heart tickling as her stomach and fingertips - Basides, if you are an idiot... - she bited her lip, pondering if she should complete the phrase - ... So am I.
Yujin took a good few seconds to realise what the younger meant by her words. Lifting her hear, her eyes finally met the younger ones. Her stomach doing such a weird movement she wondered if she was gasy or...
– Maybe you are an idiot, unnie - Wonyoung stepped closer, her smile reaching her eyes - But in the cutest way possible.
The world was spinning different for Yujin in that moment. Was Wonyoung becoming some sort of siren out of nowhere? What the hell? Since when she was so... Charming?
Wonyoung laughed, her cute bunny teeth showing off. Yujin smiled tenderly at that. There been some time since she saw the girl laugh so carefree. It warmed her heart.
– So... You're no longer mad at me? - Yujin asked, a bit worried.
Wonyoung watched her for awhile, before giving her an answer.
– For having a crush on me? - she teased - Oh, come on, unnie! Why'd I'd be mad at that?
The older blushed at the youngest remark.
– Crush? Oh, no, no! You're misunderstanding things here...
– Well, it's just... - she stepped closer to the retriever girl - You either have some sort of not so well hidden hatred towards me, or... - the tallest cheeks were rosy, but she kept talking either way- You have some sort of crush on me.
Yujin took a deep breath, looking anywhere except for Wonyoung. Her heart beating fast inside her chest. She was sweating cold.
– Really? - she tried to laugh it off - I only have those two options?
– Well... Maybe you have more, but... Is it that bad to have a crush on someone you know since kid? I mean, that's pretty common, actually.
– You're my member.
– And that's pretty normal too - Wonyoung reminded her - Of course that having a relationship with a co worker is complicated, but it is not uncommon. Even less a crush.
– I do not...
The younger looked at her waiting for her to continue, but Yujin couldn't manage to keep going. She was stuck in her own mind process. Busy fighting with her inner self.
– Look, I just... I just don't want to make it awkward. We're already awkward enough with each other - Yujin sighned.
– That's because we like each other.
It was Wonyoung turn to look anywhere other than the older girl, blushing hard while wondering why the hell she just said it like that. It just... Slipped from her mouth so naturally.
Yujin, in the other hand, gave her no other reaction other than wild eyes and rosy cheeks. She was... Surprised, to say the least. It was so hard for her to admit her feelings to herself, she didn't even had the time to think about what Wonyoung felt towards her too. She wasn't sure if she wanted to, by the way.
– Look, unnie, I... I honestly don't know what we're gonna do about it, but... For me - Wonyoung took a deep breath, trying to set her thoughts straight (or gay) - I put my job ahead of me all the time. Like, I've already gave it my teen years, my health, my life as whole, I... I really don't want to stop whatever we feel towards each other just because we're in the same group.
– Wonyoung...
Yujin was trying so hard to be rational. She was the leader now, not just a member. She had to do the right thing no matter what, but fuck! Wonyoung was right. They gave so much away for this idol life they had. Wonyoung even more, Yujin had to admit.
Was it really fair?
– Let's... Take baby steps, what you think? - she decided to say after a long silence.
Wonyoung frowned.
– Baby steps?
Yujin nodded.
– Yeah, like... Like making it simple, just between us so we can understand this feeling better, you know? Take things slow.
Wonyoung thought about it for awhile, before nodding.
– Okay, but - she stepped closer to the older, tapping her shoulder playfully - You'll have to take me on a date then.
The retriever froze. Her cheeks rosy.
– But... It's kinda hard for us to walk outside together without drawning attention.
– I know, it doesn't have to be outside - Wonyoung shugerred - The rooftop of the building has plenty space for a cute simple date. It's safer than going outside, and less awkward than just having a snack on our beds - she looked around her own room, analysing it for a moment - Even though I do think it can be a good second date. It's not like we didn't have movies before, it's just this time I'm using your shoulders as my pillow - she tapped the older again.
– You're taller than me now - Yujin frowned in a teasing way, but just because she wanted to brush off her red cheeks.
– But you're stronger - the younger reminded her - Your shoulders are like... - she pressed the girl shoulders a bit - ... Wow, you're indeed muscular.
– Yah, Wonyoung-ah! - the bashful girl slapped the younger hand off her, stepping back - Okay, I got it. I'm fit. Now stopping having fun with my fitness.
– I'm not having fun with your "fitness" - Wonyoung defended herself, walking away to her bed - Yet - she completed with a sly smile, which made the other blush even harder.
– Yah! Since when you're such a pervert?! Where's the big baby IZONE unnies raised?
– I'm not saying anything pervert, you're the one whose dirty minded.
Yujin took a deep breath, trying to not scream her lungs out of shame right there. She knew Wonyoung was pretty good at teasing her when she wanted, but thankfully she was not used to doing that too much. Apparently that would change.
– Well, I have to come back to my room - Yujin said, heading to the door - Er... It was nice, er... Making things clear.
Gosh, she was so red.
– Yeah, I agree.
Wonyoung smiled sweetly before standing from her bed and heading to where Yujin was.
It was... A bit awkward, but Wonyoung didn't let this awkwardness or their shyness to stop her. She just went straight to her unnie's face and gave her a peck on the side of her face. Of course she wasn't aiming for her cute cheeks, but she needed permission to something else.
They watched each other eyes for a awhile. It was so silent around them. The girls were probably sleeping deeply by that time and gosh! Yujin had such beautiful eyes, and Wonyoung had such a cute mole under her eye.
– Can I... - it was Wonyoung who asked, but it was Yujin whom answered.
In a blink of eye, their lips touched. It was soft, sweet... They both had kissed other people before, but there was something about that particular trade of lips that felt so naive and new for them. Maybe it was the fact that they grew up together or something. It was... Unique. Somehow innocent, yet deep and consistent.
– I wish we had done this before - Wonyoung whispered, holding her breath while doing so. It was so... Hard to breath when she was feeling so many things at once.
– Well... I think we'll have plenty of time in the rooftop when our free time match - Yujin smiled, her eyes still closed as she was still too coward to look at the younger straight in the eyes.
Wonyoung laughed sweetly, pulling the other to a tight hug. It felt good to be in her unnie's arms. It was tender, safe.
– I really need to go - Yujin whispered, and the other nodded, letting go of her arms.
Wonyoung came back go to her bed, and Yujin waved at her with a sweet, but shy smile.
– Good night, Wonyoungie.
– Good night, unnie.
And with that, both girls fell to sleep with their hearts warm and excited about what would come next. Maybe things wouldn't be as they wished, but one thing they were certain. It was worth the try.