Chapter Text
We could do it baby, simple and plain.
Courtney found herself counting the tampons left in the box. Not enough to get through the week. She really doesn’t feel like leaving the house again. She curses herself. If she started using reusable period cups she wouldn’t have this problem. Maybe one day.
She hasn’t quite got the energy to walk in her favourite Doc Martens, so she settles for her pink crocs instead. She looks at herself in the hallway mirror before stepping out the door to her apartment, just in case someone recognizes her. Unlikely. Her glasses and makeup-less face makes her look less like the version of her she puts out on the internet. She makes sure her reusable shopping bags are in the back of her Fiat, and she makes the journey to the nearby Trader Joe's.
She enjoys grocery shopping. Gives her a sense of control and makes her feel productive at the same time. She pulls out her phone’s notes app to make sure she gets everything on her weekly checklist. She stands in the dairy aisle making sure she gets the vanilla vegan yoghurt instead of the Greek. She made that mistake last month and her smoothies just weren’t the same. She ponders for a moment at the person she used to be. She never used to bother with shopping lists or checklists. She thinks about Shayne’s advice. “You have to make things easy for yourself, it’s the little things.”
“Courtney.” She spins her head around to face the voice. It seems she’s summoned him. His voice is calm. Unquestioning. Like he saw her from miles away and still knew it was her.
“Hi Shayney” she smiles, she can’t help it. “I didn’t suffer enough having all my meetings with you today?”
“I’m not here for you. I’m also tired from work” He says, his tone light. He steps towards her and reaches into the fridge. Greek yoghurt is his choice. “I didn’t actually get to talk to you much. Noticed you were more quiet”
Nothing slips past him. “You know, that time of the month got my energy drained. Not enough coffee today. It’s not Friday yet. The usual.”
“Right. Right.” The silence stretches a second too long. He stands in the aisle looking at the floor, like he wants to say something more. When he looks up his eyes are pensive. “I know you just said you’re tired but I…” He trails off and she shifts, body turned completely towards him now.
“Hey, if something’s up you can tell me?” She wishes she had a better response. She’s not as good at reading him as he is her.
“I just feel like we’ve been drifting apart… just a bit” He says cautiously. It makes Courtney’s chest jump with a familiar anxious feeling. It seems crazy to her that he thinks they’re drifting apart. He sees her everyday, talks to her everyday, emails her every minute it feels like. Shayne notices the confusion across her features. “Sorry. It’s a weird time to bring it up. Let’s just talk soon, ok?” He steps away, ready to make an escape.
“Shayne” Courtney calls after him, as loudly as her anxiety will allow. “It’s never a bad time. Have you got plans tonight?” She wasn’t expecting to commit to hanging out with anyone, but if anyone’s an exception, it’s Shayne.
“Nothing.” His relaxed and charming demeanor returns. “You hungry?”
Now that she thinks about it, she is hungry. She had to take an earlier lunch than usual with a couple of her afternoon meetings being back to back. She smiles again. Amazed that he always knows what to say. “I’d love to get dinner. Right now?’
“No. Let’s go somewhere nice. I’m paying. I can pick you up at.. 8?” He ever so slightly looks her up and down. Courtney can tell he’s working out how long it’ll take her to get ready.
She really doesn’t feel like it. She also loves Shayne too much to say no. “Ok. I’ll see you then.” She smiles easily. As soon as she says it she feels excited to eat some good food.
-
“Is that new? It looks good” Shayne says casually. It is new. It’s a halter neck jumpsuit with long wide legged pants. A soft blue that she knows looks good with her hair and skin. At least it shows that she put some effort in. She’s grown to love dressing up. Tonight she’s settled for some basic makeup, hoping the platform cream coloured heels make up for it.
“How do you always know?” She says instead.
“It’s the little things” He gives her a sincere smile before starting up the car. Sometimes it’s hard to know where her thoughts end and Shayne begins. They’ve been so close for so long it’s like he’s one of the voices in her head.
“So. How do I convince you that you’re still one of my best friends?” The line makes her cringe a little. The matter-of-fact way it came out makes her see why Shayne could think she’s being weird with him.
“I don’t need convincing. I want you to know you’re still one of my best friends.” He briefly looks over his shoulder at her. “I know things at work are demanding on both of us. I just want you to know I still want to talk about other stuff. Not every conversation needs to be productive.”
“If you want to hear my stream of consciousness, I promise it’s all work related stuff anyway.”
“That’s what I’m worried about, Court.” He pulls into one of the empty parking spaces. She feels her façade fade away with the nickname. While she thinks of her response he’s already stepped out of the car and opened her door for her. She smiles sweetly.
“Thank you.” She finally looks up at the restaurant he’s chosen. Thai. A place she’s been meaning to go to. She remembers her sister saying their vegan menu was good.
Shayne keeps talking once he leads her to their reserved table. “What’s been keeping you busy in between work? Therapy been going well? Cats happy?” He pauses. “Anyone you’ve been talking to?”
“My bed’s been keeping me busy.” He gives her a strange look. Only for a moment. Then it fades into polite curiosity. She realises what it might’ve sounded like. “I mean I’ve been sleeping in it, Shayne.” She blinks. All her sense of humour gets used up at work. She can’t even land a joke right.
“Have you had issues sleeping lately?”
“Yes. Cats. Bones has been loving swatting at my face in the night. Have no idea where it came from”
“Maybe he misses his uncle Shayne?”
“You’ll be lucky if he even remembers you. Been forever since you’ve been over, actually. I realise now since I always feel the pressure to clean the place up well when you’re visiting.”
“Why’s that?”
“Because your place is always neat and always smells good. I can’t have you judging my place.”
“Courtney, you know I’d never judge you.” She does know. Courtney wants to admit it but something stops her. It feels too vulnerable and too stupid. Why say something out loud when it’s the most obvious thing in the world? Courtney’s well into her mid-twenties but she’s cowering at the thought of talking about her feelings like she’s a teenager.
“Good evening. Are we ready to order drinks?” The waitress interrupts Courtney’s train of thought.
Shayne looks over at Courtney and decides to give her a break. “Yeah, hi.” he smiles politely at the waitress and turns his head to look at her. “We’ll get a Thai iced tea and a strawberry lemonade, please.” Satisfied, the waitress nods and leaves as quickly as she appeared. Strawberry lemonade is Courtney's favourite.
“Sorry if I’m being weird.” Courtney says suddenly. She looks up at Shayne through her eyelashes and notices she’s been slumping over slightly. “I think I’ve just felt.. Isolated. Maybe it’s changed the way I think.” The words leave her lips and only then does it register how true it is.
“I understand how you feel. I think the isolation of the early lockdowns still affects me.” His hand inches slightly forward. But still it rests face down on the table top. Courtney watches his hand and she realises how much she misses Shayne. His reluctant hugs when she hugs him. His all encompassing hugs when they hug when no one else is around. His supportive hand on her back when she’s having a frustrating moment while she’s directing. Maybe she’s just a bit touch-starved. She looks up at him. It almost makes tears well up.
His face is hard with concern. His eyes almost pleading. She can see the depth of the blue even in the dim light of the restaurant. Her eyes trail over his cheeks and nose. He’s got light freckles. The ones he only gets in the summertime. Every sentimental thought makes her body tense up. She's frozen in her seat, struggling not to look at his lips.
“We should look at the menu” He says with a smile. He must’ve seen the solemn look on her face. Courtney is grateful he chooses to drop it for now. If she speaks, she may start crying.
The drinks come and they order. Courtney orders the Red Curry. Shayne orders the Pad Thai. They muse over the latest book Shayne has read. Courtney shows him the latest pictures of her cats she’s taken. They eat in near silence when the food arrives.
“Courtney. I don’t normally do this.” She takes one last sip of her drink. Courtney raises her eyebrows, almost playfully. She has to admit the food made her feel better and it was good. The curry didn’t even need the fish sauce. “Can I come back to your place? Just to hang out a bit more.”
“Of course.” She smiles wider than she has in a good few days. She’s done thinking for the night. As soon as her day gets better is when Shayne appears out of nowhere. She’s ready to just let it happen for now. So he can keep making her feel content.