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Chapter Text

“I didn't fall in love with you. I walked into love with you, with my eyes wide open, choosing to take every step along the way." - The Chaos of Stars,  Kiersten White

Part One : Fon/Kongkwan

It was always like this. Kongkwan would arrive at school and slip a little love note through the slit of Fon's locker door. Her crush on Fon was not that bad according to herself but to Som and her other friends, her crush on Fon just as bad as Toh's crush on Nuea. It was lunch break and Kongkwan picked a table not too far from where Fon was seated. As Kongkwan's eyes landed on her subject of affection, she let out a sigh,

Som could not help to roll her eyes. "It's been like what? Two years you pined over her?"Som asked the deeply madly in love girl. "Three years to be exact"Kongkwan sighed again and looked in Fon's direction full of adoration in her eyes. Som rolled her eyes again. She looked at her group of friends and then towards the table where Fon is seated. "Why don't you go up there and introduced yourself instead of just dropping her little love note every morning,"Som said.

What Som said to Kongkwan broke the girl's reverie.

"No, that's not good!"Kongkwan said with certainty. "Why the hell not? I don't get why you wasting your time doing these silly things when you could just go up there and introduced yourself to her"Som stubbornly insist. "Did you forget already? The rule for having a secret crush?"Toh spoke up after he was done chewing down his lunch. Toh understands where Kongkwan coming from.

"Rules for having a secret crush first, do not say hello if you're not ready for heartbreak,"Her other friend said to the group. "Second, do not be dramatic or emotional if you're too afraid to jump into the competition,"Som uttered. She remembers the rules off the top of her head very clearly.  "Third, do not confess if you're not ready to step out of your safe zone,"This time it was Daisy who said it. The rules were out there to protect their heart.

Every time the group recited the rules, it always bring tears to their eyes. Toh then reached out and put his hand on top of Kongkwan's hand. "If Fon did not feel the same, you still have us, Kwan"Toh said with unshed tears in his eyes as he shakes Kongkwan's hand gently. A chorus of 'that's right'. 'absolutely'. and 'yeah' come from her other three best friends. Kongkwan's eyes is full of unshed tears but she smiles nonetheless.

"You guys are the best"Kongkwan said as she bring the group of friends into a group hug.

A few months after that had been hell for Kongkwan. The girl was forced to watch that Fon now had a new someone by her side. Even though Fon was taken, it did not deter her. Kongkwan still put her love note for the popular girl every morning as she did for the last three years. Kongkwan fully believes that both of them will end up together somehow.

If not in this lifetime, perhaps the next

And it seems the universe had answered her prayer. The next time Kongkwan laid her eyes on her subject of affection when the two of them were paired up for their Chemistry class. Kongkwan loves Chemistry and so does Fon. Not a lot of people know that Fon is good at Chemistry. Though the half-foreign beauty is good at Chemistry, she is never up to par as Kongkwan.

It was late December when Fon stepped into her Chemistry class. She was running late because last night she could not sleep. She had a huge fight with her boyfriend since her boyfriend somehow know all the little love notes are from Kongkwan but Fon did not want to believe it.

When Fon stepped into the classroom, the only seat that was available was beside Kongkwan. Fon immediately makes a beeline toward the desk. After Kongkwan looked at Fon's eyes still sore from crying all night, Komgkwan could not help but feel bad for her subject of affection.

"Are you okay, Fon?'Kongkwan asked. Kongkwan should have not known who Fon is but her heart thinks way much faster than her head. Fon whipped her attention from the whiteboard to the girl who was seated beside her. Instead of answering her question, what Fon asked her, surprised Kongkawan.

"Is it true that you were the one that put those cute little messages in my locker?"Question the light-brown-haired girl. Kongkwan opened and closed her mouth like a fish out of the water. Kongkwan wanted to lie but it seems she could not. With a sigh, she nodded her head. Kongkwan ducked her head and did not have the courage to look at Fon in her eyes.

"Why?"Asked the girl who is Kongkwan's Chemistry partner for the day. Again Kongkwan was lost for words. Fon smiled up at her. "It's fine, really. I think it's cute"Fon uttered then she averted her eyes back to the lesson that was still being explained by their teacher

"I think we should break up,"Fon said on the phone one evening when she had with Kongkwang. The nerdy girl knew this conversation will be inevitable but she never thought this day would come. After Kongkwang declared her love for Fon one and half years ago to be exact, the two of them are inseparable, and later down the road, they become an official couple. Seeing his friend's bravery, Toh also did the same but before Toh could declare his love for Neua, the basketball player beat him to it.

Kongkwan closed her eyes and she never thought it could hurt like this. "It's not you, it's me, Kwan"Fon said after the silence is so deafening. "Don't give me that lame excuse, Fon"Kongkwan said through her tears. Fon sigh through the phone. "You want the truth, here is the truth,"Fon sucked a deep breath.

"In a few months, we will be graduated and we both know we won't end up in the same university. I remember vividly you said you wanted to take bioengineering and biomedical at MIT,"Fon continued. "And you already know I got accepted for my Law degree at Oxford University, don't you see that alone already a problem, Kwan?"Said the half British half Thai girl. Fon could hear the heartbreak of sobbing that come out from her girlfriend.

Fon closed her eyes. Her own heart broke too but in order for both of them to move on, one of them need to be mean to the other. "We could survive the distance, Fon. Our love is stronger than that,"Kongkwan said through her tears. Fon wanted to believe that. She really did. But she knows that the majors they will take will consume a lot of their time and Fon did not know if both of them had time for their relationship.

Not to mention the time differences between them will make the effort to keep the relationship alive way much harder.

"I really do want to believe that but-"Whatever Fon wanted to say was abrupted by Kngkwan. "But the chance for high school romance could survive after school life itself is slim to none. Not to mention both of us will be on the other side of the world"Kongkwan said with a dejected tone. "I know the chances, Fon"The smart girl continued. As much as she wanted to hold on to her relationship, she must let the reality sink in and when the time comes, they must let each other go.

Both of them is silent for a moment. Neither one of them wanted to hang up the call. "Fon?"Kongkwan called out for her girlfriend. "Hmm?"Answered Fon back. "Can I ask you to do one thing before we officially break up?"Kongkwan said. As the word 'break up' comes out from Kongkwan's mouth, both of the girls wipe the silent tears that run down their cheeks. "What is it that you want, Kwan?"Inquired Fon with so much love and tenderness that make the other girl fall in love with her.

"Can we still pretend that we were happy? we were in love?"Requested the MIT-bound student. "Kwan, let's not prolong our break up. This hurt too much,"Fon said her voice wavering. "Please? We were best friends before we become lovers, Fon. Can we do that until we really need to let go of each other when the time comes?"Kongkwan asked one more time. Fon on the other side of the phone clasped her mouth to prevent the sob that threatened to spill out from her lips. 

"Fon?"Kongkwan pull out her phone away from her ear to check if the line was still connected. It is unfair and unjust for Fon that Kongkwan used the best friend card before the two of them really did break up with one another.

Fon sigh. The request that Kongkwan asked of her, hurt her too much but Fon could not say no to her best friend/ex-lover. She loves the girl too much. And if it means enduring their heartbreak until graduation comes, then so be it.

"We had a good run, Kwan. The last two years I spent with you were the best relationship and thing in my life. So thank you for that,"Fon uttered as she wipe her tears. Her heart throbs with pain so much. But she really need to say it since she didn't know when was the chance could occur again.

"I love you so much, Kwan"Fon expressed. This time around she could not hold her sob anymore. She openly bawled her eyes out. "To answer your question, yes we can,"The girl said as she let out a gut wretched sob. Fon did not know whether the call was still connected or not but she hope it still did. "I am sorry we end up this way. I love you, Kwan"Fon said for the last time.

"I love you too, Fon. Always have, always will"Said Kongkwan as she put her hand on top of her chest where her heart is breaking.

If not in this lifetime, perhaps the next

Chapter Text

"I do believe in fate and destiny, but I also believe we are only fated to do the things that we'd choose anyway." - The Chaos of Stars, Kiersten White

Part 2: Mon/Sam

Mon is standing on a tombstone with a sad smile on her face. She hugs herself as silent tears run down her face. She bends down to pat the tombstone with her parents' names on it. When she straightens her posture. A crunch of dry leaves being stepped reached her ears. Mon knows fully well who the set of steps belongs to.

Without looking at the new incomer, Mon still looked at the tombstone with somber and mist eyes. "Hello, Nong Mon"Song said as the older woman stood beside the young lawyer.  "Khun Song"Mon greets the petite woman. "Long time no see,"Mon said still with a sad tone in her voice. Song took a glance at the mixed raced woman and nodded her head.

"Are you here alone?"The young woman asked the older woman who she has treated like her own older sister. "No, I'm with Neung,"Song told Mon. The young CEO of her own law firm nodded her head. As Song spoke up Neung's name, the oldest woman stood on the right side of Mon. She also looked down at the tombstone which both Mon and Song stared at.

"Hi Mon,"Neung greets the young woman. "Hello,"Mon said automatically. "It been so long since the last time we see you,"Neung said. Mon nodded her head. The air surrounding them is cold and it's looked like the first sign of rain will be pouring out later that night. Mon's eyes then averted to the bouquet of flowers that the oldest woman hold. "Is it today?"Mon asked glumly. Both Neung and Song looked at each other. Their heart broke for the youngest out of the three of them.

The wind picked up again blowing their hair gently and making the atmosphere on the dusk of the day more glumly. "Yes, it is,"Neung said in confirmation. "Did you forget?"Song asked as she put her small hand on Mon's slightly bigger one. Mon looked up to the dark and grey sky. She took a deep breath unwilling to let the tears that pooled in her eyes fall down. "How could I?"Mon said then looked at the woman who stood beside her.

"I'm sorry I haven't visited for a while,"Mon said with a heavy heart. Neung and Song share a look. Neung put her hand on Mon's shoulder and Song side-hug the woman who they already treated as their own younger sister. Since Song is a bit shorter than Mon, she rests her head on Mon's shoulder. "We understand"Song uttered as she hug Mon a bit tighter.

Six Years Ago

The first time Mon received bad news is from her mother. Mon's just finished her pre Law degree and could not wait to get out to the real world. Although the degree that she picked is not for everyone since the courses itself was hard. But even though the course were hard, Mon met both Nop and Yuki when the three of them reached the second year of their university career.

Mon, Nop, and Yuki go to the same university which is at Stanford in Cambridge, United States. The three of them were about to have a dinner celebration to celebrate that the trio had passed and survived their final exams. As Mon chewed out her Pad Thai, her phone rang.

If her calculation was correct, it already passed midnight in Bangkok when her mother called. It was not a rare occurrence that her mother or father called her. Usually, they called her to ask how she was doing or if she needed anything. But somehow this call felt different. Mon dreaded picking up the call. 

And when she did, her mother's voice sobbing through the phone. Mon's heart felt drop into her stomach at the news of her beloved step-father suffering a stage four Cancer. Mon's mother requested for her to come home since her father's doctor said her father did not have much more time. The mother-daughter duo cried into the phone and it made both Nop and Yuki concerned for Mon's well-being.

After Mon told both of her best friends that she might miss graduation because her father might not make it, both Nop and Yuki made a promise to wait for Mon so the three of them could graduate together. Mon felt touched by her friends' loyalty and so that evening both Nop and Yuki tried their willpower to cheer Mon up to forget the news Mon just received even only for a slight bit.

Four Years Ago

Two years had been passing since her father passed away. Mon, Nop, and Yuki already graduated, and unbeknownst to the trio the three of them, were born in the same country which is Thailand. As soon as the trio graduated from their university, the trio made a pact when they moved back to Thailand they will become each other Law Firm colleagues and business partners. A few years down the road, their law firm company had gained some name and reputation until one day Mon's assistant told her that a new Media company called Diversity was looking for a Legal firm.

And so with a determination to win the contract, Mon marched up to where the Diversity office was located. As soon as Yha escorted Mon to Sam's office, Sam's assistant left the young lawyer standing in front of Sam's office. With a soft knock and a muffled voice telling Mon to come into the room, the young lawyer pushed open the door.

When Mon's light brown eyes landed on Sam's features, she could not shake the feeling that she had met Ms. Samanan Anantrakul before. As Sam told Mon to sit, "Have we met before?"Mon asked the older woman. "I don't believe we met before, Ms, Konkamon,"Sam said as the young CEO smiled up at the mixed-race young woman. Though Sam said that, Mon felt like deja vu seeing Sam's face for the first time

"Or perhaps this is the way you flirt with others?"Tease Sam. Mon could not help to smile bashfully as she tucked her hair behind her ear and looked down. Her face and ears are red resemblances of a tomato. "Cute,"Sam compliment the young lawyer. "Shall we discuss our agreement then?"Sam uttered as the young businesswoman switched back into a more serious manner to discuss the agreement between the two companies.

Two Years Ago

It was inevitable, really. With how both of their companies often time had discussions or throw some companies' gala or party, Mon bounded to meet Sam and vice versa. Everyone who has eyes could see the intense attraction between Mon and Sam. And when both of the young CEOs become an official couple, no one batted an eye at them.

Though their relationship flourishes and they are happily in love. There was still a hurdle in their happiness. Their main hurdle is Sm's grandmother. The old lady did not know that Sam is happily in a couple with Mon. The ones that knew about the sweet and sometimes sickening couples are Mon's friends, Sam's friends, Song and Nueng.

And when Sam celebrated her 30th birthday, she could not hold the secret anymore. After the small family celebrated Sam's birthday, Sam's grandmother gave her youngest grandchild a small envelope. "What's this, grandma?"The CEO of Diversity asked. "It is my present for you,"Sam's grandmother said matter of factly.

Sam carefully open the flap of the brown envelope and slide a single photo from the envelope. "His name is Kirk an he is the son of our old family friend,"Sam grandmother said with a smile on her face. Sam looked at her grandmother and looked back at the photo that she still held in her hands.

"I can't marry him, grandma. I already have someone that I love,"Sam said proudly but deep inside her core, she was scared and shaking. Behind Sam's grandmother, both Neung and Song shake their heads so Sam stopped confessing to their controlling and overbearing grandmother. Sam's grandmother asked who he was and what his family profile was.

"Her name is Mon and I love her,"Sam said. Sam's grandmother is livid. She could not believe what she just heard. "Broke up with her and marry Kirk, He is the best for you not that lowlife,"Sam's grandmother demanded. Sam get up from her seat. "NO!"Sam expressed with so much bravery and confidence. "If you don't break up with her, get out of this house! No granddaughter of mine is an abomination"Sam's grandma balled her fists as Sam cried out while running towards her room.

Eight Months Ago

The second time Mon received bad news was she just won a case and was about to come back to her office. Mon turned on her phone as a lot of missed calls and text notifications come from Nop, Yuki, and Sam. Mon knitted her eyebrows since no one send her that many calls and text notifications if not so urgent. 

As Mon climbed up into the taxi, she pushed open one of the text notifications from Yuki that said to call her immediately if and when she had done with her case. Mon right away called Yuki. Just like so many years ago, the same dreaded feeling crept into her. Mon waited for some time until Yuki picked up the phone.

"I should tell you when you go back to the office,"Yuki said than ended the call. As Mon arrived at her office, Yuki immediately make a beeline from her own office to Mon's. She turn on the tv that was in Mon's office. The breaking news shows a plane crash and when Mon's realized it was the same plane number that her mother took from England to Bangkok, Mon felt like her soul left her body. "I am sorry, Mon"Yuki expressed as she hug her best friend.

Two Months Ago

Mon was in the middle of an out-office-meeting with her client when her phone was nonstop ringing. Mon at first ignore it but as the constant ringing would not stop, she excuse herself to pick up her phone. It was a rare occurrence that both Sam's sisters called her in brief seconds between each other.

And when Song's name popped up on her phone. She picked up. "I'm in the middle of a meeting, Khun Song,"Mon said But all she could hear from the older woman is her hiccups and sobbing. "Khun Song.. what is it?"Mon asked. Somehow she knows the news will be bad rather than good.

After many hiccups and sobbing later, Song managed to utter the devastating news. "Sam was in an accident, Mon"Song said then broke down again. Mon felt like someone had poured ice water all over her body. Some months ago both Mon and Sam had broken up because Sam's grandmother threatened the young  Diversity CEO that if she did not marry Kirk, Sam's grandmother will close the company and take it away from her.

"Text me the address of the hospital and I meet you there,"Mon said as she hurriedly came back to the restaurant and told her client that they need to postpone their meeting. In record time Mon arrived at the hospital. Neung, Song, and Sam's grandmother were there. As soon as Sam's grandmother saw Mon, she blamed everything on Mon.

Several hours later, the surgeon that took care of Sam came out from the operating room and delivered the news that Sam did not make it. Mon whole world feel like exploded and she could not breathe. Mon ran out of the hospital as her chest feel like tightened up. She broke down not too far from the hospital and felt pairs of arms engulf her. The three women cried and held each other as they grieved their loss together.

Present Day

Mon now stood in front of Sam's tombstone The tears that a few hours ago she hold in her eyes, now freely falling. She touched the cold stone and let out a sob. The bouquet that Neung had held earlier, she had been given to Mon. Mon smiled sadly at the cold stone. The first sign of rain had been dropped from the sky but Mon did not bother to remove from her position.

"I am sorry I haven't visited for a while, Khun Sam"Mon said as she furiously wipe the tears that kept falling like a waterfall. "Every time I passed my parents' graveyard, I don't have the guts to visit yours,"Mon said to the cold and empty cemetery. "It huts. It still hurt too much that you had taken away from me and this world so early,"Mon said again as she let out a sob. Mon tried to date after Sam died - not right away but gradually - but she knows her love was only for Sam and Sam alone.

Mon then bends down to put the expensive and nice assorted white flowers bouquet on Sam's grave. She smiled sadly at her former and only lover. The wind blows and it makes Mon shiver. Mon let out a heavy sigh. "I tried my best to live my life even though it was hard to do without you by my side,"Mon said honestly as she let out a choked sob again.

She then kissed the cold tombstone with so much love, pain, and yearning. "I guess we were not meant to be together in this lifetime,"Mon said as she patted the tombstone with affection. Mon wipe her tears and took a deep breath to calm her deepest innermost sadness about losing Sam way too soon when the young woman was still very much in love with the older woman.

"I see you around, Khun Sam,"Mon uttered to the fresh put-down bouquet of flowers at Sam's gravesite like she bid goodbye to an old friend. "I love you. Always have, always will,"With that being said, Mon turned on her heels and walked out from the cemetery with her heart broke all over again. Mon's heart is heavy and with filled sadness that she didn't know until when she will carry it.

If not in this lifetime, perhaps the next