Archive of Our Own

At fifteen years old, you could not describe the bizarreness of watching a tiny body, your body, float in an amnio tank. Your very own avatar, steadily growing at a pace beyond the growth rate of native Na’vi, twitched in a dreamlike state. Tiny blue hands curled around a chubby blue face. Small tendrils of nerves floated out of the base of the skull, surrounded by baby hair. You could not believe what kuru looked like before the braids. A bit creepy, if you had to be honest.

You weren’t alone. Spider stood right next to you with Tuk in front of you two. Lo’ak and Kiri stood on his other side and Neteyam was right next to you. His forearm rested against the glass of the tank as he leaned into your space, tilting his head to observe the baby. The Na’vi half of your group each had a rebreather in hand, inhaling from it every so often. All six of you watched the small twitches, mesmerized by the little thing.

It had only been a few weeks since you watched it grow from an embryo. You had been the most fascinated watching the rapidly growing progress of the avatar, coming nearly every day to watch. It led to Neteyam and Spider hanging around, then Lo’ak and Kiri, and finally Tuk could not be left out. You could stand around all day and watch. This was your avatar.

“So,” Spider spoke over the silence. “What if it’s an outie?”

Lo’ak scoffed, already biting back a smile. “Bro, that’s what you’re thinking about?”

Spider gestured to the umbilical cord attached to the baby’s stomach. He huffed in defense of himself. “You guys all made fun of my avatar having an outie.”

You snapped your head in his direction, offended that he lumped you up with the rest of them. “I didn’t.”

“That’s because you’re you, Spider.” Neteyam teased, leaning forward past you to make eye contact. He pressed the rebreather to his mouth for a breath. “Besides, yours was the first with an outie belly button.”

Tuk looked down at her stomach and traced her belly button. “I can’t imagine having my belly button out like that.”

“It’s not that weird,” Kiri countered. “Only at first, it was.”

“Bro, look at you. You’re fine.” Lo’ak reached over and stuck his finger in Spider’s belly button, earning a shout and a smack to the hand. Spider laid his palm over his belly button while Lo’ak laughed and straightened himself. “You know we didn’t mean it.”

Yeah, when Spider first entered his avatar after decantation, the immediate thing the Na’vi children noticed was the protruding belly button. It was then you realized that none of the Na’vi had outies, unlike humans who could have either innie or outie. While they could excuse the appearance of an outie on a human, given the many physical discrepancies between humans and Na’vi, they teased Spider for having one on his avatar. Just another physical difference on top of eyebrows and five digits on the hands and feet of avatars.

You rolled your eyes. “Can we stop talking about belly buttons?”

“Okay,” Neteyam agreed. He gestured with his hand above the amnio tank. “How long does this take, again?”

“Five years,” a voice behind caused you all to turn. Norm approached your group with a grimace. “Why are you all hanging around the test tube avatar?”

“So why couldn’t this avatar,” Tuk pointed at the tank while inhaling from the rebreather, ignoring the question, “grow at the same time as Spider’s? Wouldn’t that save time?”

“Unfortunately our resources are limited and we don’t have the space to incubate multiple avatars at a time.” Norm made a small gesture for which you all parted to let him through. He looked at the baby avatar, then at you six. “Now, can you please go hang out somewhere else? The lab is not a playground.”

Per his suggestion, you dispersed from the lab. The Sullys set the rebreathers back on the rack on their way out, Tuk bouncing happily ahead of you. Spider brought the conversation back to belly buttons and you groaned, telling him to move on. Doing what any teen did, you all flocked to another area of the camp to bother someone else.

Five years. That’s how long you had to wait.

+:+:+:+:+

You were going to throw up.

Well, you thought you were. Nerves knot your stomach tight, worsened by the butterflies fluttering in it. Your heart hammered in your chest. You laid your hands over your stomach, twiddling with your fingers. The overhead lights were bright. So, so bright.

Currently, you waited on the link bed to make your first connection. Sure, you waited years for this moment, but now that it was right in front of you, you dreaded it. Would it hurt? Would it make you more nauseous than you already were?

In the coming weeks, you pestered Spider about the sensation. You had to know every little detail. Question after question, the routine grew old fast and Spider eventually repeated the phrase don’t worry about it . Not the best advice you received.

To make matters worse, your friends were not there with you. Kiri and Lo’ak had grown too tall to comfortably stand in the lab with you and Lo’ak didn’t want Tuk’s unfiltered mouth to raise more panic in you. Spider decided to wait with them outside your avatar’s lab room. All to take in the first impression.

“Take it easy,” Dr. Max Patel said from the computer system beside you. His eyes darted across the screen. “You’re going to be fine when you wake up.”

You turned your head to face him. “Are you sure?”

A great question to ask the guy who’s been doing this longer than you’ve been alive. He glanced your way. You took that as your answer and returned to your original position, focusing on controlling your breaths. The link bed wasn’t entirely uncomfortable, at least.

When Max faced you to grab the hood of the bed, you moved your hands to your sides. He gave you a few more words of encouragement and you nodded, half listening. Really, you just didn’t want to throw up right now.

When the hood closed, you noticed how heavy you breathed. Your stomach twisted tighter and you screwed your eyes shut. You could do this. You could do this. As another wave of nausea hit you, you held your breath.

“Movement behind the eyelids.”

Someone called your name. “If you can hear me, can you open your eyes?”

You obeyed, opening them only to flinch and squeeze them closed. Damn, who turned up the brightness here?

“You okay?”

“The light is bright,” you supplied a bit groggy.

Behind your eyelids, the intensity of the lights lessened. Your eyes fluttered open carefully, finding that half the room’s lights had been turned off. You breathed a sigh of relief, stomach still in knots. A moment passed before you realized just where you were.

You sat up, immediately falling back down.

“Take it easy.” One of the scientists set a hand on your arm. “We’ll get you out of here as soon as we’ve conducted some fine motor tests.”

You blinked, ears twitching. Twitching. The sensation prompted you to cautiously raise your hand, brushing your fingers over your ear. A pointy Na’vi ear. It flicked back at your touch unconsciously and you let out a breathless laugh. This was weirder than you expected. Not to mention how seamlessly you connected to your avatar. Spider really could not have prepared you more for this.

“Can you wiggle your toes for me?”

You couldn’t say how long those tests took. A few minutes. An hour. It went by too fast but simultaneously dragged on longer than your poor heart could take. You wanted to get up and go go go but you didn’t want to fall over and embarrass yourself. When you got the okay, left alone to change out of the gown into something more comfortable, you made your way to the door.

The door hissed open, letting the bright light from the sun filter in. You squinted and raised your hand, blue as the sky, over your eyes to shield them. Your tail flicked at the minor inconvenience you felt.

“Whoa, check you out.”

You looked to your left. Lo’ak and Spider leaned against the wall of the shack. Kiri sat on the ground with her hands behind her as support. Beside her, Tuk sat cross-legged, picking at grass. No Neteyam, though. He had gone earlier that morning on a hunt with his father.

You smiled, dropping your hand to your side. “Like what you see?”

“You’re like us, now,” Tuk said, dropping her blades of grass.

Kiri smiled up at you. “How do you feel?”

“Weird.” You looked behind you. Your tail had a mind of its own, though you still felt every flick of it as though it were you commanding it. “Really weird.”

“You get used to it.” Spider shrugged and pushed off the wall. He was much shorter than you now, still human.

Lo’ak made a sound. “I can’t believe you can’t use your avatar right now.” His hand smacked at his thigh. “Do you know what we could be doing if you didn’t get hurt?”

“It was your recklessness that got us here.” Kiri looked between the two of them, moving to stand. “Spider’s avatar should take a few days to heal, then we can do the plan.”

Tuk pouted. “This was supposed to be the perfect first impression.”

“I know. I know.” Spider rolled his eyes. “Few more days and then we’ll pretend that there weren't any hiccups.”

You watched Tuk stand. She stood a little taller than Spider, shorter than the three of you. It was weird being taller than her. Well, now only Spider was the only drastically short one of your group. At least, until he got back his avatar.

“Should we get going?” Kiri asked before she took in the state of your hair and gasped. “Your kuru!”

“What about it?” You attempted to look behind you without any luck.

Kiri came up to you, directing you in front of her. “We have our braids around it as protection. Your hair is just wild and it's unguarded.”

“Oh.”

“Here, I’ll braid it. You sit down.”

“Okay.” You lowered into a cross-legged position with Kiri behind you.

She gathered a bunch of your hair, combing her fingers through the roots of it before beginning to twist strands over and around the kuru. The rest of your hair swept over your shoulders, tickling your skin as it did. Given how your avatar’s hair had not been groomed in its time in the amnio tank, it became wildly the length of the kuru. The long hair weighed heavy on your shoulders.

Tuk stood beside you, watching Kiri braid your kuru. You glanced at her out of the corner of your eye, wondering what she could be thinking about. She’d aged to a dreaded thirteen, filled with mischief and still figuring things out. Despite the age when other children sought their independence, she still clung to your ragtag group, not entirely eager to break off to her own friends. Things haven't changed much, you all had to keep a more keen eye on her, given the number of bad ideas she could come up with and act out on, now. Like right now, where her expression twisted in deep thought.

“Can I braid the rest of your hair?” She gestured to her shoulder-length braids. 

You turned your head to see, only for Kiri to guide your head back into a straight position. “Don’t move.”

You found no harm in that. “Sure, Tuk. But I’m not sure I want it this long.”

“I can cut it.” 

She pulled her knife out. The second she walked toward you, you flinched away from her. As sweet as she was, you didn’t exactly trust a child with a knife by your head.

Kiri forced you to keep still, catching you mid-cry. “Don’t move,” she repeated with an edge, not so much bothered by Tuk’s eager knife-wielding as she was your jerking.

You raised your hand, unable to properly block Tuk’s oncoming knife.

Lo’ak took initiative and intervened. He towered over Tuk and grabbed her wrist. “Are you crazy?”

Tuk pouted, fighting against his hold. as her voice raised in a whine. “I know what I’m doing.”

He took the knife from her. “Let me do it.”

Tuk stomped her foot. “I wanted to do it.”

“You can still braid my hair.” You tried to mediate. It did the job as she pouted off to the side but relented with crossed arms. She stuck her tongue out at Lo’ak. A shiver crawled up your spine from Kiri’s braiding.  “You can make them look like yours.”

She smiled. An excited nod and she grabbed the ends of her braids, twisting them between her fingers. “Yeah, we can look like twins.” She spoke to Lo’ak, “don’t cut higher than the shoulders.”

“Sure.” He nodded, hunching down to his knees.

Lo’ak took bundles of your hair away from your face and held it away. He worked away the knife. Already, your head felt lighter without the extra weight. You relaxed, letting the siblings work at your hair.

Spider took his own knife out from where he stood. Since he had nothing better to do, he opted to busy his hands by flipping his knife in hand. You watched him flip and catch it with ease.

He hummed, “you gonna bond with an ikran?”

Your face twisted in horror. “Uh, no. I just got my avatar.”

Kiri agreed. “You need to take baby steps.”

“Yeah, or your avatar will end up like Spider’s.” Lo’ak teased.

Spider rolled his eyes with a nod. They weren’t necessarily wrong.

After Lo’ak had cut the hair on the other side, Tuk took her rightful place by you. Not before Lo’ak returned her knife and she sheathed it. She made some comments about your hair being softer than hers, a result of the amniotic fluid you guessed.

In a moment of excitement, by now half your hair had been braided, Tuk blurted. “you’re going to look  just like one of us!”

You half-paid attention, too focused on your tail. It smacked at the ground, batting away a small amount of dirt with each lackluster slap. The sight hypnotized you, drawing you out of your stupor with each flick. You could not describe the sensation of having a tail, let alone one acting on its own. Reaching out, you brushed your fingers over your tail. Goosebumps littered your whole body as you shivered. More sensitive than you would have expected.

Your ears flick at the sudden commotion Lo’ak and Spider made. Looking up from your tail, you watched the duo roll on the ground in a playfight. Another of Spider’s attempts to catch Lo’ak off guard and win a fight against the Na’vi. 

“You’re going to like being in your avatar,” Kiri said. Her hands neared the end of your kuru. “Once you get used to this, of course.”

You hummed, tearing your gaze from the boys. “Yeah, I won’t lag behind when we’re out.” You touched your palm, tracing the lines etched in it. It tickled. Your neck began to hurt from holding still for so long. “Too bad Neteyam isn’t here.”

“His fault,” Tuk said, her voice just a touch hurt and uncaring. She wanted her big brother here as much as you did.

Kiri finished the braid, tying a spare thread around the end. She ran her fingers down the braid once, admiring her work and ensuring it was compact. Her tongue clicked, quick to remind Tuk. “You know how he is with dad. He can’t say no.”

“But this is a big deal.” Tuk weaved her hands through your small braids, letting them swing around your face. “Done.”

You set your hands on the ground and pushed yourself to a stand. Your body swayed momentarily, supported by Kiri’s hands on your back. You thanked her, still getting used to the extra weight to balance. Then, you turned away and shrugged. “It’s not that big of a deal.”

Kiri would not buy it. She stepped around you to face you with her hands on her hips, head cocked in disbelief. “Don’t downplay this. Your first time in your avatar is important to you. So, it’s important to us.”

You relented, knowing better than to deny the obvious. Instead, you smiled and took her comment to heart. “Thanks.”

Kiri smiled back, nodding once in finality.

“Are you guys ready to go?” Lo’ak called back, getting off the ground.

Spider also pushed off the ground. Both of them were covered in dirt. “Yeah, we need to get going before the eclipse.”

Kiri glanced back your way. You nodded. “I’m ready.”

“Finally.” Lo’ak took the lead, waving his hand for you all to follow. “Don’t fall behind.”

He took off running. You followed, all laughing at your wobbly run. Despite his tease, Lo’ak never strayed far. The group of you dodged and weaved around humans and avatars alike until you reached the edge of the human camp. Then, the real fun began. Daring across the forest for the first time as a Na’vi. It was exhilarating.

Tuk, ever the youngest, called out to you guys as you ran across treetops. “Wait up!”

You leaped across a gap between trees, laughing loudly while your body buzzed with adrenaline. This was something you could get used to.

+:+:+:+:+:+

For the fifth time, you skidded to a halt, bending at the waist while your shoulders rose and fell rapidly. Taking big, deep breaths, you now understood why the scientists wanted you to take it easy. Not only did you stumble and nearly crash into anything and everything, but you also dragged the trip on longer than it needed to be.

Spider caught your hunched form out of the corner of his eye, hands on your knees and panting like an animal. “Hold up,” he called up ahead.

Lo’ak groaned, grabbing an overhead branch as he turned around. “Really? We’re going to get in trouble if we’re late. We’re almost there.”

“Don’t wait up.” You waved your hand dismissively, only for it to fall back to your side. “I’m good.”

The group took the time to wait five minutes, nonetheless. 

By the time you made it to Hometree, the village had been gathered for mealtime. Heads turned in your direction, some Na’vi greeting you. They were certainly kinder than other times you’d come by. As you walked past to find the rest of the Sullys, you leaned down to Spider and spoke in a hushed whisper.

“This is weird.”

He shrugged. “Told you they treat you differently when you’re in an avatar.”

You stood straight and did your best to ignore the stares to the back of your head.

Thankfully, it didn’t take long to find the family. Neytiri and Jake smiled from where they sat, chatting amongst themselves while Neteyam lent them an ear, preparing the meal. Tuk ran ahead of you, crying about how starved she was. Lo’ak and Kiri soon sat, you and Spider sitting farthest.

“You’re late,” Neytiri said.

Lo’ak nodded his head in your direction. “A certain avatar lagged behind.”

Neteyam looked up from beside his mother. The Na’vi’s eyes widened, taking you in. He opened his mouth, but no words came out. His tail swished behind him. You merely smiled from across the fire. When he did find the courage to speak, his father beat him to the punch.

“You look different.” He smiled, looking you in the eye. It felt weird to be at eye level with him, too used to him towering over you. “How’s your first run?”

“I think I’m handling it okay.”

Spider laughed. “No way. You ran like a baby using their legs for the first time.”

“It was for the first time,” Kiri replied and shook her head. “We probably shouldn’t have rushed out.”

Jake raised his brow. “That bad, huh?”

Plates were passed around. Tuk dug into her food while you all talked. No doubt this was from today’s hunt. While you ate, Spider sat back and talked with Lo’ak and Kiri.

“You will learn,” Neytiri had told you between her own mouthfuls. “Jake had been no better.”

“And that’s without the years of training.” Jake shook his head. “Those were the days.”

After eating, you split off with Neteyam to catch up. The others understood for the most part to not follow, distracting Tuk before she could tag along.

For the most part, you walked normally. Without the pressure of running, you could balance yourself correctly. Neteyam was quiet, never moving past your side, letting you set the pace. You reached a section of Hometree untouched, quiet, and tucked away from the rest of the clan. When you stopped, Neteyam looked your way.

“Are you tired?”

“No.” You shook your head, tickled by the concern he displayed. “I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.”

“Just checking.” He followed your lead and sat down beside you, overlooking the view of Pandora. His tail flicked patiently. “So, you think about what you want to do, now that you have an avatar?”

“Honestly-” You leaned back on your hands, humming in thought. “I never thought this far. It didn’t seem like this would ever happen. I mean, I had to wait five years.”

“Yeah.” Neteyam looked away. “We can figure it out on the way. There’s so much you’ll be able to do now that you have a kuru.”

“I guess.” You reached behind you, bringing your kuru braid forward. The tendrils of nerves opened, wiggling in the open air. It was an out-of-body experience, watching nerves that belonged to you wriggle in the air, feeling the sensation wave at nothing and near tasting the air deep in your nervous system, but unable to believe this was yours. You set the braid aside. “First, I have to master how to run. Can’t get anywhere around here by just walking.”

“We’ll build your stamina.” He smiled and nudged your arm with his elbow. “Then, we’ll get you an ikran.”

You grimaced. “Not for a while, I hope.”

“Certainly.” Neteyam grew quiet again. You turned to look at him, finding him already staring at you. His face was caught in a mesh of wonder and awe. He furrowed his brows. “Who did your hair?”

You blinked, thinking of the braids. “Tuk.”

“Tuk cut your hair?”

Oh. “No, that was Lo’ak.” You cringed, thinking how close Tuk was to committing to the act. “She almost did. Why is it bad?”

He laughed shortly. “It’s uneven.”

“How should I know?”

“Here.” Neteyam got up, moving to get behind you. “I’ll fix it.”

You realized he was undoing your braids in order to do so. “Tuk won’t like you ruining her hard work.”

He hummed. “She won’t know.”

“She’ll know.”

Neteyam’s fingers weaved through your tresses, unwinding them. Loose waves of hair cascaded around your face. Tingles crawled up your spine from the care and gentleness of his hands. You may have even closed your eyes to fully take in the sensation.

You twisted the braid of your kuru as he held your hair. His knife hissed against its sheath, your rather sensitive ears twitched at the sound. Inhaling deeply, you relaxed your shoulders. You trusted Neteyam, more than Lo’ak or Tuk, to cut your hair.

Truthfully, Lo’ak had done a moderately good job cutting your hair on the spot. Neteyam did not have much to work with, only fixing the small, unnoticeable imperfections in your hair. You wondered if it was an excuse to just touch your new, soft hair. His siblings seemed to love your hair.

“There.” Neteyam put away his knife. “Now, it looks even.”

You let out a half-hearted puff of air. It didn’t seem like that big of an issue. “Thanks.”

You heard the smile in his response. “You’re welcome.”

He took his time putting your hair into small braids similar to Tuk’s. With each new bunch of hair gathered, his knuckles would brush along your neck. Pinching your fingers over the braid of your kuru, you fought against the goosebumps that crawled along your skin. A rhythmic smack hit the ground, constant and unwavering. Out of the corner of your eye, you realized it was your tail, not Neteyam’s. It gave away your flush of emotions.

Your ears twitched and you forced another even breath, looking at the orange sky above. 

Eclipse approached soon. Far in the distance, you spotted the flapping wings of wild ikran, flying as a group to another perch. Pandora, as much as you didn’t belong here, was your home. You could not imagine trading it for Earth, which you heard from Norm looked nothing like this. Pollution and greed had stripped away the beauty it once had, he said, but it had nothing compared to this moon light-years away. You agreed with his sentiment.

Soft puffs of air fanned the baby hairs on the back of your neck. You contained your shivers, letting your eyes flutter closed. His fingers were nimble, expert in the craft. Body heat permeated from him onto your back, the proximity throwing your heart to the ikrans. Your tail smacked at the ground playfully, betraying the excitement in you despite your trying to quell it. Neither of you spoke of it.

When all was said and done, Neteyam returned to your side. You let go of your kuru and run your hands through your hair, appreciating the work done by him. This time, your tail swayed anxiously as you looked him in the eye.

“Does it look okay now?”

His eyes roamed from your hair to your face. He was quiet, the sunset’s reflection casting a warm glow over his blue skin. A small smile broke onto his face and he nodded. “You look perfect.”

You returned the smile. Your tail once again whipped to and fro in excitement from the flattery. Neteyam’s smile grew, the corners of his eyes crinkling in a way you found endearing. Neither of you said anything, turning away at the same time to face forward. The light of day retreated over the horizon.

“Eclipse is bound.” Neteyam pushed off the ground with a grunt, standing on his feet. He extended his hand down to you. “Come on. Can't let you stay out too late in your avatar.”

You agreed and took his hand. With little effort, he managed to pull you onto your feet. In the five years you’ve waited for your avatar to grow, Neteyam gained muscle fit for his physique. The twenty-year-old warrior still stood taller than you, much like his father, but the height difference was not as drastic in your avatar.

On your way down the Hometree, you bumped into Kiri.

Neteyam regarded her. “Have you seen Spider-”

“He went back to the camp a while ago.” She looked between you two. “Better get going if you don’t want to be out late.”

“Right.” He nodded to her. “Thanks.”

You waved goodbye to Kiri and walked off with Neteyam.

Sticking to the high ground, you both made your way back to camp. The journey was quiet, apart from shared looks and quiet laughter, for no other reason than you both feeling a strange high. You returned to camp safely and sound as Neteyam walked up with you to the avatar sleeping quarters. Eclipse had just encased the land in darkness and outdoor lights illuminated the camp’s shacks. You stopped by your building, turning to him with a hand raised.

“I can walk the rest on my own.”

He smiled. “Can you?”

You rolled your eyes, unable to contain your own smile. You gently pushed at his shoulder. “Go. Or, will you get lost?”

He accepted your teasing with a flick of his tail. “I think I know my way.”

“Alright then.” Your expression softened. You had to stop or else you’d never let him leave. “Goodnight, Nete.”

His smile widened. “Goodnight.”

You waved him off before walking up the steps and into the shack.

Some avatars were still up. Others sound asleep. You made your way to the unclaimed hammock, reserved for your avatar, and climbed into it. Your smile remained even as you closed your eyes.

When you woke up in the link bed, moments passed before the hood rose and you could sit up. Max looked from you to the screen. “Was being an avatar scary like you expected?”

You shook your head, smiling again. “It was weird, but I liked it.”

Norm walked into the room. “Yeah, and next time, don’t stay out late without a head’s up. All avatars have to be accounted for.”

“I’ll remember that.”

You left after bidding them goodnight, heading to your sleeping quarters. For the rest of the night, you lay there, touching the base of your skull. You could feel it, the kuru, like a phantom. Turning onto your side, you closed your eyes.

Today was a good day.