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Tommy's not there for it when Tubbo first tries alcohol. It feels like something he should've been there for, and he finds it hard to cope with the idea that Tubbo's experiencing so much without him. Most are bad, but if he were there, he thinks they'd be more tolerable.
Because Tubbo doesn't tell him everything. They both pretend that he tells a good summary of what's going on with him over in Manburg under Schlatt, but he's hiding things. He avoids eye contact as he shares information when they manage to meet up. He twitches.
One night, he shows up with it though. They both lean against a wall in Pogtopia, talking quietly, ears perked up to try to hear Wilbur from across the ravine. Tubbo pulls the bottle out of his suit pocket, and Tommy sees the dark liquid and fears for the worst. "What's that?"
"Schlatt's been making me drink it,' Tubbo says. His eyes are on his own hands as he opens it up.
"He's not here."
Tubbo stops, and a brief look of surprise crosses his face, as if he forgot. Tommy keeps looking at him, wondering to himself what that man's doing to his best friend.
"I should probably get used to it," Tubbo says, but it sounds more like "I want it. He's made me want it."
Tommy doesn't say anything to that. Tubbo opens the cap and slowly drinks it, wincing at the taste. Tommy thinks about Wilbur, wondering what he’s thinking, what he's feeling. Despite being in the same ravine, they’ve never felt more apart.
“I don’t feel good,” Tubbo confesses, his voice shaky.
“Then stop drinking.”
“No, I don’t mean that,” the boy replies, and he finishes drinking the bottle, letting it fall out of his grip and onto the floor. The echoing of the bottle against the ground creates a shattering noise, which makes Tommy flinch. “I want this all to be over. I want to go home.”
Tubbo sounds destroyed. Tommy wants to help him, but it feels futile. He watches as tears well up in his friend’s eyes.
“You don’t know… how hard it is,” Tubbo says, gasping for breath. “He wants to get rid of every little part that made our country L’manberg. He wants to destroy the van, and sometimes… sometimes he looks at me like he knows.”
Tommy grabs onto his shoulders roughly, staring directly into his eyes. “You think he knows… that you’re a spy?!”
“Maybe, I don’t know!” Tubbo continues blubbing, and then he mumbles a couple of words that he doesn’t hear. He’s lost to the world, walls enclosing in around him.
He lets go of the boy, and Tubbo stumbles, not expecting the movement. He finds his footing, and Tommy nods to himself before turning and starting to pace. He still keeps an eye on Tubbo out of the corner of his vision, but his mind is elsewhere.
“You need to be a good spy, a good soldier,” Tommy says. “Schlatt can’t know. You have to do this for Wilbur. He’s… going to handle this. He’ll fix it.”
You have to do this, Tommy. Do it for Wilbur. He’s your brother, he knows best, and if he says he can’t trust Tubbo more than he can throw him… Well, what does he know?
Nothing? Everything.
“Wilbur always makes us do all the dirty work,” Tubbo spits, and his words bring Tommy out of his thoughts. “What? It’s true! He sent me away to work for the devil, and I’d bet he’d sell you out too.”
He couldn’t believe he would say that. “That’s the alcohol talking, Tubs,” he says, chuckling dryly. “Listen, he’s complicated, but I know he has everyone’s best interests in mind…”
Tubbo reaches into his jacket, pulling out another bottle. He avoids Tommy’s eyes again, staying silent. But when he opens the lid and raises his eyes, his gaze is defiant, different to the boy he knew before. “You don’t get drunk after one bottle,” he says.
Tommy expects his voice to sound… sarcastic, or maybe even annoyed that he even had to explain that fact to him. But instead, he sounds sad. He wonders how Tubbo knows that. He wonders if Tubbo knows that because he’s drunk enough alcohol to get drunk before, or if he’s just watched Schlatt enough to know.
He clenches his fists by his sides. All his instincts tell him to defend Wilbur, but it’s hard to when he starts to get it, starts to see what Tubbo means.
There was no telling what Schlatt’s influence was doing to Tubbo, but after this conversation, Tommy’s sure it’s not good. And he’s not sure if it’s worth all this. Is L’manberg worth all of this when he couldn’t even ensure the country’s people would be the same ever again?
All the people are changing. Niki is rising against a dictator with fiery determination, a determination and grit she never needed before. Fundy has turned his back against his father. Tubbo is struggling to stay afloat as he tries to be the perfect spy, the perfect Secretary, despite everything tell him to run, to get away. Wilbur… Wilbur’s losing himself.
Wilbur is not the same man he was before. He talks to himself, late at night, when Tommy’s trying to sleep, and he doesn’t like what he hears. Wilbur’s vision of revenge is being distorted by his pride, his dignity.
For the first time ever, Tommy wonders if maybe they can’t get L’manberg back after all, and wonders what that would mean. How would he be able to handle how everything’s changed when he’s not even promised his country by the end of it?
The sky turns a quiet orange and yellow, the first beginnings of dawn breaking out. “I… I have to go,” Tubbo says, and he turns his back on Tommy.
“Will I see you soon?”
Tommy’s question is immediate, desperate. He doesn’t want to be alone.
“I don’t know,” Tubbo replies, distant. “Schlatt said we’re putting on a festival soon… I guess you can come to that.”
He wants to ask for more information, but he doesn't find it right to. How much more could he possibly ask from his friend?
His friend leaves shortly after, and Tommy walks throughout the ravine, trying to find Wilbur. He finds him outside of it, seemingly distracted. "Wilbur, hey! So, Tubbo was just here—"
"Tubbo, huh," Wilbur says. "What did he have to say?"
Tommy pauses, instead of automatically answering. There were a surprising amount of things he felt like should stay private. "He told me that Schlatt's hosting a festival soon in Manburg," he explains. "I think he'll tell us more details, but I think it would be a good opportunity for us to visit."
"Is it a trap?" Wilbur asks, and he turns to look at Tommy, searching into his eyes intensely.
"What? No? A trap for us? Why would Tubbo try to trap us?"
"Why wouldn't he?" Wilbur counters. "We're his enemy, after all."
"He's on our side!"
"Is he?"
Tommy couldn't believe it. Why would he doubt Tubbo? There was no way that he would put up with Schlatt if it weren't for them. He'd seen how Tubbo acted, and his words echoed in his head: I want to go home.
"Yes," Tommy states. "He is on our side."
He's not sure if Wilbur's convinced.
They continue talking about their plans, discussing that they will go to the festival. He feels torn, knowing that him and Wilbur definitely aren't on the same wavelength anymore.
He feels alone, and he knows that Tubbo does too, trapped away in Manburg.