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Chapter Text

The screeching of skates on the ice filled the big arena. Bright lights flooded the rink and were reflected by the blending surface.

James enjoyed the feeling of his feet gliding over the ice so soft, but still being met with resistance.

But ice skating was more than just gliding across an icy rink on skates.

To James, it was like his heart beating and his lungs breathing. Every step he took made the blood in his veins rush and only the cold air held his bones, flesh and skin together. The pain of a fall was irrelevant, he would always get back on his blades, never afraid of trying a jump again and again until it felt like flying.

The ice was his favourite part. It cooled his warm cheeks. It held him upright. It grounded him before he could fly away.

He would always come back to the ice.

Ginger curls swirled by. Despite being still in thoughts he caught his partner’s wrist at the perfect moment and swirled her around himself as he had done multiple times. Their synchronised movement gave him enough momentum to lean back, while she squatted down on one skate and stretched out the other leg, hovering low over the ice only secured by James’ hand and the force of the spiralling edge. They finished a whole turn before James started pulling her back upwards and towards himself, wrapping her in his arms for a closing spin.

They slowed down and for another second it was just them.

Lily smiled at him. A real smile. Green eyes glimmering softly, cheeks flushed, little curls sticking out of her pulled-back hair.

These were James’ favourite moments: the heavy breathing, the rosy cheeks and cold hands, the closeness, the silent “thank you for not letting me fall”.

The music stopped and slow clapping brought them back out of their little bubble.

A young man leaned on the railing, his dark hair in a bun with some strands escaping it, but perfectly enhancing his high cheekbones and pale complexion.

“Good enough! Come catch a break!“ He grinned at them, obviously satisfied with their work.

The two ice skaters followed that request happily and slowly skated back to the rink’s side.

James caught the two water bottles that were thrown towards him and gave one to Lily.

“Thanks, sweetie!” she smiled at him and took a sip of her water. James didn’t answer, just broke out into a huge smile behind her back. He couldn’t help but notice that she looked quite beautiful in her plain black leggings and shirt, still flushed and now opening her hair which sprung out in tight curls.

Sirius rolled his eyes at him.

“Are you in a hurry?” Lily asked their friend, not noticing James staring.

Sirius was in his second semester of Sports Management at Westminster and assisted their official coach Alice whenever possible. Or whenever Alice didn’t want to get up at four in the morning.

Sirius shook his head and offered a helping hand to Lily who stepped out of the rink elegantly. "We are going home together now, yes?" she asked - mostly rhetorically. The Lee Valley ice centre was seated in Upper Clapton, allowing the three of them to take the same tube.

Even though Sirius had a flat in Hoxton, he spent most of his time at James’ house – or more accurately - the Potters’ house. Lily lived not too far off in her own apartment that wasprovided by the ISU¹.

She picked up her sweater and staggered towards the women's locker room with a wave.

Sirius yawned and lazily stretched his hands behind his back: “How are you not absolutely knackered?"

James chuckled, well aware of the fact that pure adrenaline was keeping him from falling asleep with his eyes open. He had been awake since 4:30 am and would be following a strict routine for the rest of the day.

“Are you coming home for breakfast before class?” he asked his best friend.

Sirius nodded, following him along the rink to the lockers: "Do I look like I want to spend my day all on my own?"

"You look like you still have a lot of homework to do for today’s class and are trying to procrastinate it, using me as an excuse.“

“You didn't even look at me! You have no idea what I even look like,” he complained jokingly.

“I don't need to…“ James stopped in his tracks. “Why are there lights on?"

“Light? What...?" Sirius took a double take. "The other rink? No one is as crazy… sorry, devoted as you to train at six in the morning!"

"The rink got maintained yesterday already, didn’t it?"

The taller boy nodded hesitantly. James pulled off his skates resolutely and walked towards the second rink only in his red socks followed by Sirius.

One after another, the lights switched on ahead of the two boys.

James squinted his eyes at the dark figure skating in the rink: "Who is that?"

---

Sirius didn’t answer, even though a certain feeling, which was only confirmed as they got closer, settled in his stomach.

Dogs can recognise their siblings even after years of being separated just by the smell.

Sirius instead felt a familiar draw in his heart, pulling him closer even though his brain told him to not get up his hopes. He had been dreading being confronted with his past, but at that moment he felt like he might be looking forward to it.

A couple was skating in the rink.

The young man lifted his partner seemingly effortlessly and threw her high, the blonde ponytail flying as she spun around herself while jumping out of their view.

"Sirius... "

He did not respond to James, simply walked past him, pushed open the doors to the rink and suddenly found himself in the same room with his little brother again.

---

Regulus moved on swiftly, not having noticed the spectators yet.

His slender limbs, sharp features, wavy dark hair - the resemblance to his older brother made James double-take if there were actually both of the Black brothers at the rink.

His figure skating was spectacular, full of elegance and control.

James could only imagine what Sirius was thinking. That this should be him. That this could have been him. But Sirius had quit and run, hadn’t entered a rink ever since.

James jumped as Lily appeared next to him and breathed a low "oh". He frowned at her, but she wasn't looking at him or even the rink. Her glance was fixed on the figure walking towards them next to the rink. He blinked for his contact lenses to focus again and put a protective arm around Lily simultaneously with Sirius chuckling in surprise: "Hey Mary!"

---

The young woman stopped in front of Sirius with crossed arms and threw him an annoyed glance: „Sirius… what are you doing here?“

Even with the boy towering over her, she radiated confidence and elegance. Her dark coily hair was held back by a hair ribbon and she wore similar sports clothing as her mentees. Sirius hadn’t seen her since she had been hired by the FFSG² to train their most promising pair of figure skaters: Regulus Black and Pandora Lovegood.

“Well, I should probably ask you the same question. After all, you are not exactly locals!”

“I am and you are not, Sirius Black!” Mary corrected him with only a hint of humour in her voice.

His mood immediately sank as he was reminded of his roots and therefore of the other Black son in the room, the one who was worthy of the name. The one who wore the name and the reputation with pride and honour.

Reggie.

The little brother. The clumsy one. The boy that Sirius had always envied for his freedom.

Regulus.

A stranger. A rival. An outlander.

Sirius felt James tap his shoulder and as he turned, he was face to face with Regulus.

Only separated by a glass pane, it was like looking into a mirror.

Sirius looked at him, but he didn’t see him. He looked into his brother’s eyes, but he didn’t see them. He looked at his face, but couldn’t see his expression.

Not now. Not here. Not when Regulus was everything Sirius had wanted to be and had fled from.

---

James held his breath together with Sirius as he snapped around and froze seeing his brother. James had seen Regulus in so many videos, so many articles and interviews, but nothing could have prepared him for meeting him like this.

He was suddenly overly aware of his sweaty hair and tacky clothes when Regulus’ gaze left Sirius and wandered to him.

“Nice socks.”

James looked back up and met Regulus’s stare feeling like a deer in the headlights under the other boy’s intense look.

“Uh… well,” he stuttered. “Life would sock without them.”

Regulus stared at him wordlessly.

Lily slowly turned away and covered her face in second-hand embarrassment.

James felt the heat rising up his neck as he replayed his words in his head, avoiding the other’s glances.

Until he heard a low chuckle and looked at the other figure skater just in time to see the most subtle and beautiful smile appear on Regulus’ face: “James, is it?”

James cleared his throat: “Yeah, James. That’s me.”

He caught himself thinking of how cameras would have never been able to capture this smile, but his eyes did.

Utter disappointment spread through his body as the young man turned away from him without further acknowledgement of his words to help his skating partner off the rink.

With a wordless nod towards Mary, Regulus turned around and nudged Pandora towards the locker rooms.

No word towards James.

No word towards Sirius.

Mary clapped her hands, loud and abrupt enough to make the three friends jump: “Show is over! I’m sure we won’t have any complications, especially with the new training schedule!”

“Wait, what new schedule?” Sirius asked dumbfounded.

Mary raised her eyebrows sarcastically: “It is right where the old one hung! I only made some amendments for us to not cross ways all that often. Lovely seeing you again…”

“Mary, wait!” Much to James’ surprise it was Lily who called out to the other girl as she walked away.

She turned around, looking at Lily expectantly.

The redhead visibly struggled for words, threw a glance at James and weakly uttered: “Nice to see you again!”

---

Lily was exceptionally quiet on the ride home as the three friends waited for the tube. Sirius chattered energetically, he seemed to have recovered from the shock of seeing his brother again. James didn’t dare to ask him about it, especially not in front of Lily.

Sirius has always had a strained relationship with his parents.

The Black family had brought up successful figure skaters for decades. Walburga and Orion had been no exception and their sons had received the best training possible from an early age.

All eyes had been on Sirius and Regulus since they had first entered an ice rink.

Sirius had been their parade son, inheriting his fate by being the older brother. And he had not disappointed – at first.

A skyrocketing career had him compete at national levels as soon as he reached the required age. He had been stubborn, a fighter and still was today. No injury could keep him from training, no challenge was too big and no rival too good.

Regulus had been the rebel at this time, choosing pair skating over single skating, despite his family’s traditions.

Only when Sirius had grown sick and tired of the constant pressure to be the perfect son, the perfect ice skater, the perfect representation for France, had the attention shifted towards the younger brother.

Pandora, a pair skater without a partner, had agreeed to leave Russia and compete together with Regulus. While the two of them grew more successful, Sirius fell behind, took a year off and only returned for one last dance that broke multiple records, reached the current highest score in ice skating history and made his parents publicly state that he would no longer be supported by them or the French Ice Skating Association.

Well, the dance had been a bit provoking ³ .

Nevertheless a shocking statement it seemed, but not to Sirius. He had already decided to quit and go with the most spectacular dance the world had and would ever see.

James’ lips curled upwards a little bit as he remembered the performance Sirius had executed. He had watched it with his jaw dropping in awe of his athleticism and creativity.

Only two days later James had opened the door to a desperate Sirius who broke out in tears when Euphemia assured him that he would always have a place in their home.

In only such a short time they went from rivals to best friends, to brothers.

Little James would have laughed hysterically if anyone had told him he would ever be this close to a certain stubborn French figure skater.

He had admired Sirius from the first time they competed against each other, yes, but only in secret. And being constantly defeated by him had not improved their relationship.

In retrospect, James always regretted his pride and the rivalry that had stood between them for so long. They could have been friends so much earlier. Sirius would have been able to leave it all behind earlier.

But Sirius had never complained, was always wearing a smile around James’ parents and has never made them regret taking him in.

Some time later Sirius’ favourite uncle Alphard had died and left Sirius a great sum of money that he invested in an own apartment to – as he said – "not burden the Potters anymore".

They had been right of course.

After Sirius had spent some days in his apartment, he had been so bored and lonely that he came back to the Potter’s house.

No one ever spoke of it again.

Nowadays, Sirius was more spontaneous about his living situation, but he came home to the Potters’ no later than when his food ran out.

“Do you mind if I bring Remus to practice later tonight?” Sirius asked now, looking up from his phone. “I did tell you about him, didn’t I?”

He didn’t wait for his friends to respond. “We have classes together this year because he is studying sports journalism and takes some of the same courses as me.

He has to write articles as homework and can send them to newspapers to establish contacts as early as possible.

But as he had no idea which sport to specialise in, I suggested figure skating... and I may have promised him an interview with the two of you…” Sirius confessed.

James nodded: “Not a problem for me. I’m actually looking forward to finally meeting him! What about you, Lily?”

Lily nodded agreeing, barely looking up.

“Are you alright?” James asked concerned.

She sighed: “Yeah, it’s just that… I was… friends with Mary and I haven’t seen her in so long, so I was quite shocked meeting her today all of a sudden, you know?”

The curly-haired boy leaned forward and gently took her hand into his.

“It’ll be alright. I’m sure Mary still likes you. She was probably as surprised as you were!”

Lily smiled at his words and whispered a “thank you”.

---

Euphemia opened the door before James found his keys: “Good morning!”

The two boys pulled off their shoes and bags and followed her inside.

Fleamont was eating his muesli at the dining table and greeted the boys as they entered the kitchen.

Sirius grabbed them bowls and spoons while James took yoghurt and fruits out of the fridge.

“Did you have a good practice?” Euphemia asked, letting a hand linger on Sirius’ shoulder while handing him a mug of coffee.

“I’m sure they did, I might have taken a nap…” the french boy smirked at her.

James threw his hands in the air exasperated: “Be serious!”

“I’m always Sirius!”

His parents laughed at James rolling his eyes.

“Regulus and Pandora were there,” Sirius quietly added after a moment. “They must have gotten some kind of special permission to stay and train in London before the Championships start.”

Their parents shared a worried look and James lowered his gaze, focusing on his breakfast instead.

“How is he?” Fleamont asked cautiously.

“I don’t know,” Sirius mumbled. “He didn’t exactly talk to me.”

James heard the pain in Sirius’ words, the disappointment of Regulus talking to James instead of Sirius.

He felt bad about having robbed Sirius of a chance to talk to his brother again, but on the other hand something – selfishness it might be – warmed him up from inside whenever he replayed the scene.

He had been interesting enough for Regulus to talk to him, choosing James over his own brother.

Fleamont sympathetically squeezed Sirius’ shoulder over the dining table: “We can try and contact him if you want us to.”

Sirius nodded: “I’ll think about it…”

He didn’t have to mention the quandary he was in.

No matter how much Sirius missed his brother, how much he wanted to see him more regularly, to catch up with him – all that longing was overshadowed by the omnipresent influence of his parents.

“Mary is back as well, though,” James added into the silence. “Probably we can hang with her soon!”

“Peter has always had the biggest crush on her, maybe we can surprise him” Sirius grinned.

“But we have to do it fast or they might run into each other at the rink.”

“Fleamont will take me out on Saturday...” Euphemia revealed.

“I will?” her husband mumbled.

“Shh, … so you can have the house for the evening,” she offered.

“Thanks, mum!” James jumped up and hugged her, before skipping to the bathroom.

“Where does he get all his energy from?” Sirius sighed and dropped his head on the table, barely missing his yoghurt.

“Sirius still has homework to do, mum!” James yelled from upstairs.

“Shut up!” Sirius whined but folded under Euphemia’s stern gaze. “I just wanted to start… Let me just text Peter.”

---

At exactly half past seven, the doorbell rang. Sirius hurried out of the kitchen: “I’ve got it!”

“Do I hear applause?” he paused for dramatic effect. “Oh, it’s your German great great grandparents!”

The blond boy in front of the door grinned and said in his best German accent: “Punctuality is zee politeness of kings! And you are late again, mein friend.”

“Morning Pete!”, James came down the stairs in fresh clothes and with damp hair after his shower and bumped his fist.

Peter and James had been friends almost their whole lives. They had met at the ice rink when Peter had tried out for ice skating. But he had soon switched to ice hockey instead. As he never pushed his sports career to be a professional, he played in the Lee Valley Lions’ team as an amateur while going to university.

“Cardiff Devils are interested!” Peter now cried out excitedly not being able to keep it a secret any longer.

James gasped: “Congrats!”

Peter had always been a huge fan of the Welsh ice hockey team. If they really wanted him as a player, he would be able to make his hobby into a professional sports career.

“They invited me and Barty to play in Friday’s game against Rouen Dragons in Streatham Ice Centre!”

"Oh, we are so gonna come and watch!” Sirius announced. “And as a treat afterwards, you are invited to Saturday’s party here, spread the word!”

---

Alice had James and Lily do only some light practice in the evening, working on synchronised turns and jumps.

They both had a big advantage from their previous single skating experience at these elements, but every time they complained their coach emphasised how crucial these small errors or wins were.

After a long day of dance practice, yoga and gym sessions, James’ turns were sloppy and slow.

Alice finally beckoned them out and James noticed Lily’s frustrated face when their coach frowned at them.

Lily had always been one of her admirers and had been first devastated and then over the moon when Alice had announced her retirement from figure skating, but that she would work as a coach for the UK.

“James.”

He sighed. Alice was lovely, a pleasant person and always there for you, but she was a fierce and strict coach. Her light-brown hair slicked back and a frown settling on her face completed the image.

“I know you had a long day, but I need you two to focus. The Championships are no joke and your choreography is still not without errors.”

“I’m sorry, Alice…” he saw Lily smile at him sympathetically. “There is just a lot going on. Did you know the French team is here already?”

The coach nodded: “I got the mail some weeks ago, I haven’t seen them yet though. Have you?”

A wave of disappointment spread through James’ insides: “You knew about it? Why didn’t you tell us? Or Sirius?” His voice rose with anger as he thought about Sirius’ pained face.

Alice wasn’t intimidated, she didn’t even bat so much of an eyelid: “It’s none of my business. The French team trains here? They can do that, as long as they won’t interfere with our practices. What goes on between Sirius and his brother is not my problem to solve.”

As much as James wanted to protest, he knew Alice was right. It wasn’t her duty to protect Sirius from his past, it was James’. And he had failed his friend, had betrayed him by bonding with Regulus.

“I’m sorry, Alice.”

“I know… Now back on the ice. Don’t even think you will get out of it!”

---

James and Lily walked down the hall after training to the Ice Centre’s lounge where two young men were waiting already.

“This is Remus,” Sirius introduced a lanky, dark-blonde boy who raised his hand awkwardly in greeting. He was tall and dressed in a casual sweater and jeans combination.

“No need for more of an introduction, I know who you guys are” He laughed a surprisingly soft chuckle.

“Remus Lupin?” Lily asked, grabbing James’s shoulders as if her knees just turned to jelly.

Sirius looked up at his new friend completely flabbergasted as a big smile spread across Remus’ face: “That’s me. Hey Lily.”

James and Sirius watched with identical confused facial expressions as the ginger girl and the blond boy laughed and ran up to each other.

It looked almost comical.

The lanky boy reaching down to the girl who still had to stand on tiptoes.

Him wrapping her in his arms, her leaning into the hug so comfortably.

Something in James’ stomach turned.

They were clinging to each other as if they were long-lost lovers.

“We are long-lost friends,” Lily explained, hardly seeming to be able to draw her eyes away from Remus.

“My family lived in Abergavenny because of my dad’s work for some years. I went to kindergarten and elementary school at that time. Oh, remember how you and I went ice skating for the first time together there?” she beamed at him again.

He smiled back at her fondly: “We lost contact pretty soon and I have to admit I only realised who you were after I looked the two of you up when Sirius promised me this interview.”

“This is just the best surprise! You have to come to James’ party on Saturday, so we can catch up!” Lily demanded.

Remus looked at James questioning: “Is that alright?”

“Yeah sure, I guess Sirius would have invited you anyway…” he

Remus’ glance flickered to Sirius for a moment: “Well, want to start the interview?”

---

James had no idea what Remus’ deal was. Lily seemed so comfortable around him. The more she giggled and touched Remus’ shoulder, the more restless and moody James became.

Sirius played games on his phone, loitering in one of the armchairs and he only occasionally glanced at them.

Remus seemed at ease with leading the conversation while taking notes every then and now, so it was more like a nice talk about their sport than a professional interview. But that also meant for James to have more distracting thoughts to race his brain up to the point where he finally couldn't hold back anymore.

“Do you have a girlfriend?”

Remus’ head jerked up as did Lily’s and he could hear Sirius sitting up on his seat.

The tall boy hesitated for a moment: “Wow, that’s sudden. But uhm, no I do not. I actually… broke up with my boyfriend just some time ago, so I’m not exactly in a place to date…”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” James mumbled with a reddish head. “I didn’t mean to…”

“It’s alright!” Remus smiled at him.

James turned to Sirius helplessly, but he was looking at Remus with a completely dumbstruck expression. James couldn’t figure out what might have surprised Sirius so much.

“I don’t know if I’m imagining it...” Remus interrupted his thoughts “but you don’t mind me hanging out with Lily, do you?”

James opened his mouth to protest, the “I kinda do” already on his tongue, when Lily laughed.

It was like music to his ears.

“I don’t think you have anything to worry about, James!” she added.

Oh, and how those words were balm for his soul.

---