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I hadn’t made an effort to interact with Elias for weeks since Mikes murder. Since Elias’s unceremonious explanation of how he’s the big evil boss, who sees and knows all. Who happened to kill Gertrude and Lietner. And that we are bound to him.
But I know he has been keeping tabs on me, whether it be from the clawing prickling sensation of him digging around in my mind. Or the subtle itch of the eye tattoos on my palms.
Not being able to take the bubble of solidarity I had shoved myself into for any longer, I find myself as if like clockwork marching my way up to his office.
Before he can even invite me in I briskly open the door, slamming it behind me without looking at him. Marching to the recliner that’s seated to one side of his office I flop down on it, facing the wall. Refusing to look at him.
“That’s hardly professional.” He says, his voice sightly humoured by my display. I hum in acknowledgment.
“You’ve been avoiding me.”
“You know why.” I say flatly.
“He was a distraction.” Elias says, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. I bristle at this, my hands tightening into fists.
“Now you can focus.”
“He was my best friend. I loved him. And that dog murdered him. Took him from me.” I seethe, still refusing to look at him.
Elias lets out a sigh and stands from his desk, slowly walking over to where I am lying.
“I know.” He says as he stands over me. “Look at me.”
“No.” I snap.
“Rose.” His voice is sharp, irritated. I turn so I’m fully facing him, eyes prickling with tears. He looks down at me, his face almost somber for a moment.
“You can’t change what happened. You just have to accept it. Move forward, continue to develop what I’ve already taught you.” He sighs, moving my feet further up the couch and sits down beside me.
“So I just have to be okay?” I snap, “that’s not fair! I loved him and it wasn’t some confused obsessive love that’s wrapped up in The Eye! I chose him and I’d never truly cared for anyone the way I did for him. And now he’s gone and I have no one.” I say, voice coming out shaky as I pour out my soul to the last person on the planet who is likely to care.
“You know that’s not true.” Elias replies, his hand now resting on my knee.
“You’re only using me.” I breathe.
“Our goals align.” He corrects me.
“You will never love me like he did. You only love yourself.” I say, voice coming out bitter.
“While that may be true, you do ‘belong’ to me and I’m not in the habit of disregarding my possessions. So you having no one, is false. You are the perfect devotee and will be treated as such. Even if you were fraternising with The Vast.” He says, a slight smirk to his tone. His words hurt, but I Know he speaks the truth. As long as he’s a live I will always have my place. Until someone comes along and eventually kills him too.
“I don’t plan on getting murdered anytime soon.” He says answering my fears and I quickly sit up. His hand still resting on my leg as I stare wide eyed back at him.
“I should hate you.” I say, voice trembling.
“I know. But you don’t.” he says, as his hand comes up, grasping my own. His fingers running along the eye tattoo on my palm. In such a way one could almost call fondness. Almost.
Slowly I turn away from him and lay back down on the couch, this time with my head resting on his lap, my hand still in his. His free hand now moving to rest on my head as a loud sob racks my body.
He says nothing as I allow my tears to run free and I feel the familiar sensation of roaming eyes clawing their way through my mind.